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“I’m going to talk to Jack,” Castiel said walking away from the Winchester brothers.
“Let us know if you need back up Cas. I’m sure he’s confused as hell right now,” Sam clapped him on the back.
Dean stood there, bottle to his lips watching Cas bend down to speak with Jack. “I don’t like this man. He looks too upset.”
Sam huffed, “Yeah, I think Lucifer really got to him.”
Dean smacked the back of his hand against his brother's chest. “He wouldn’t be one of us if he didn’t have the Devil ruining his life.”
Dean gestured with his head for Sam to follow him to the living quarters. They needed someplace private to talk.
“So, uh, you okay, man? You kind of scared me back there. I thought maybe––actually I don’t know what I thought. I just noticed you didn’t come through right after me. It scared the hell out of me.” Dean hesitated before wrapping his arms around his brother. He was still reeling from having lost him, getting him back, and almost losing him again all within forty-eight hours.
“I don’t know, Dean. It was too easy. I mean I know we lost Gabe, but these types of missions usually have more dead than alive. I don’t think it’s over. Lucifer isn't going to give up that easy.” Sam sagged back against the wall, dropping his head against the cool concrete.
“Look, I’m going to help mom get these people settled in. Go take a shower and hit the sack.”
Sam nodded and pushed off the walling heading towards his room.
Everyone was going to have to double and even triple bunk, but the prospect of running water and a warm, dry place was more than comforting for them. They drank and talked plans while Dean slipped out of the room making eye contact with Cas before he left. He saw such sorrow in his friend's eyes and knew he needed to talk to the angel.
Dean was rarely selfish, but he snuck into the shower before all the hot water ran out. It had been a rough two days, and as Sam said, this wasn’t the end. It felt like a win, but there was so much more to do.
After a long shower and a good five-minute tryst with his toothbrush, Dean went back out to check on everyone. He saw Sam back out of his room, smiling as Rowena gestured wildly. Those two were getting too close for his liking, but that was something to worry about another day. Right now he needed to talk to Jack.
The bunker had quieted down, people taking advantage of the locker room style showers, or chatting softly amongst themselves.
“You did good today son, I’m proud of you,” Mary said standing by his side.
Dean still wasn’t over how easy it would have been for her to leave him again, but didn’t have the energy or emotional strength to deal with that, so he pushed down inside, locking it up next to the heartache from the last time she left.
“Thanks. Hey, you seen Cas and Jack?” Dean asked.
“Yeah, Castiel said he was going to get Jack settled in his room.” Mary gave Dean a soft look before walking off to talk to Bobby.
She would probably do well back in the other universe, and those people deserved someone to help them rebuild their lives. But why did it have to be her? Dean scolded himself, trying to remember that now is not the time to deal with his abandonment issues.
It was strange having so many people in the bunker, but it felt right. Like this was what it was made for. He smiled as he made his way to Cas’ room, hearing bits and pieces of conversations.
I can’t believe we’re here...
I’m scared to go back…
I love you too…
The last one choked him up a little. It might have been that he’d been on the verge of tears since Sam got back. He was happy his brother was a live, nothing was better, but he still watched him die and mourned him. That’s not something you get over in a day.
Dean knocked on the door, “Cas. Jack. It’s Dean.”
“Come in, Dean,” Jack called back.
Cas was sitting on the edge of the bed. His eyes red-rimmed like he’d been crying. Dean didn’t know if he could cry, but if ever there were a time.
“Hello, Dean,” Jack said. It made Dean smile. Jack didn’t realize how much like Castiel he was.
“Hey, kid. You okay?” Deak asked standing next to Cas.
“I’m supposed to lie, and say I’m fine, right?” Jack shuffled getting under the blanket. He had cleaned himself up and changed into pajamas.
“No. I don’t think any of us are okay. It was a dumb question––” He paused, clearing his throat and running his hand through his hair -–“I’m sorry, Jack. I know he was your father, biologically, but I’m gonna tell you something someone once told me. Family don’t end with blood, kid. Just ‘cause Lucifer’s gone doesn’t mean you don’t have a dad. You got Cas, and Sam...and me.”
“Thank you, Dean. That means a lot to me.” Jack leaned back against the pillow, his eyes drooping.
“He’s right, Jack. We love you very much. It’s okay to be sad, but know that you are cared for,” Castiel added. Running his hand through Jack’s hair as he stood. “Get some rest. We will be here in the morning.”
Dean followed Cas out of the room, shutting the door behind him. He put both hands on Castiel’s shoulders and leading him across the hall to his own bedroom.
“And you, how are you doing?” Dean asked once secured inside the room.
Cas confirmed that he is capable of crying as he swiped at his tear-filled eyes. “I, like you, lost a brother today. Two if you count Lucifer. I’m doing as poorly as you’d expect. How are you, Dean?”
“Same as you, as bad as can be expected. But Cas, I got Sam back.” He took a shuddering breath, sitting down on his bed. “You’re not going to get Gabe back. You have to be hurting.”
Cas sat next Dean, gingerly. “I don’t process emotions the way you do, and I certainly didn’t have the kind of relationship with Gabriel that you and Sam have. I know you, Dean. I’m sure every time you close your eyes, you see the blood squirting from his neck. Talk to me.” He placed a comforting hand on Dean’s shoulder.
Dean couldn’t hold back any longer. The rejection from his mom, seeing Sam die, having to tell Cas Gabe didn’t make it. Everything came crashing down on him, and he buried his face in his hands, choking on a sob.
He allowed himself time to shed a few tears. Cas sat there silently, rubbing his hand over Dean’s shoulders. He wanted to pretend it didn’t feel good. That this small comfort from Cas wasn't making everything almost tolerable.
“Fuck,” Dean croaked, sitting up. He dried his face with his t-shirt and took a soothing breath.
“I just want to run to his room and sit next to him while he falls asleep like I used to do when he had nightmares as a kid. I want to be there in case Lucifer pulled some stupid trick, and Sam doesn’t get to live if he doesn’t. I can’t keep doing this, man.”
The tears threatened to come again, but Dean got up to pace the room, holding them off.
“Sorry Cas, I’m making this all about me. You lost your brother, Jack trusted Lucifer after all your warning, and you had to kill yourself. Your day was shittier than mine.”
“Don’t apologize. As I told you, my relationship with Gabriel was never one of great love, Jack his home safe, away from Lucifer. And killing myself was rather cathartic. He told me I was exactly like him––”
“You’re nothing like that douche bag, Cas,” Dean cut in. Finally sitting back on the bed, this time a little closer to Cas.
“I am though. Doing what I think is right, no matter the cost. Only, in this world, I had you and Sam to guide me. I could have been him, Dean. If you didn’t teach me free will, I could have been the monster he was.” Cas looked at Dean. They were both barely keeping it together.
Dean lifted the corner of his mouth, trying to fake a smile. “Well, it’s a good thing you found us then, huh.”
“I thank Chuck every day for being the one sent to save you, Dean. We’ve saved each other.”
One final tear dripped down Dean’s face. “Thank you. For what it’s worth, I thank him for you all the time. I couldn’t do this without, man.”
Since Dean seemed to be handing out hugs to everyone else, he pulled Castiel into his arms. It was the calmest he had felt in weeks. He knew he needed to examine why that was, but just like with his mother, and Sam’s fear about Lucifer getting back, now wasn’t the time to worry. Now was the time to rest and recover.
“Cas?” Dean asked, still holding his best friend close to his chest.
“Yes, Dean?”
“Will you stay in here tonight? I mean unless Jack needs you?”
“Of, course.”