Chapter Text
“I’m scared Spock, help me not to be... How do you choose not to feel?”
“I do not know, right now I’m failing.”
Jim knew, the moment he decided to run into the warp core chamber that he wouldn’t make it alive. It was his decision, it was his chance to prove he could do something for the greater good. The ship was safe, the crew was alive, the needs of the many outweighed the needs of the one. Spock must be so proud of him right now… well as much as a half-Vulcan could be anyway.
“I wanted you to know why I couldn’t let you die, why I went back for you.”
“Because you are my friend.”
Jim was cold, so very cold and tired, exhausted even, his body but not only. He was glad at least that Spock understood him and to some extent, understood part of his intentions when he rescued him from the volcano.
Lifting his hand to the glass, he parted his fingers to display as best as he could the ta’al, telling Spock goodbye the Vulcan way. Spock would never know how much respect Jim had for his first officer, how much more there was behind every gesture coming from Jim. So much more... But it was okay, really. At first, they hated each other, in the end, they were friends. Jim couldn’t have hoped for more. In any case, not in this universe...
It was time. It was okay now to close his eyes, to let go. To die.
So when he actually opened them again he was quite shocked to be in fact remarkably much alive. Disoriented he scanned the room, recognizing the Starfleet HQ Hospital he spent some time visiting Bones during his shifts in their cadet years and almost sighed in relief when the said Bones came in to check on him, his biobed ringing a quiet but unmissable alarm signaling the doctor that his patient had seemingly woke up.
“How are you feeling?”
Jim closed his eyes again at the question, trying his best to assert his condition. Bones must have worked his magic all right because apart from the exhaustion he was feeling pretty great. “Never been better.” He opened his eyes again, trying for his signature cocky smile but Bones was already deeply focused on the readings next to the biobed.
“Your scans are indeed looking good kid.”
“What happened?” Jim asked with his broke unused voice. He cleared his throat a bit and McCoy presented him with a glass of water. He must have been out for a while, he thought briefly.
“I don’t know, you tell me. You were found unconscious out in the open weeks ago. There was absolutely nothing, no-thing, explaining why you were in a coma. I’ve spent an insanely large amount of time studying your case honestly.”
Jim frowned, something was off. He was no doctor but radiation poisoning wasn’t exactly impossible to diagnose especially considering that he was in the Enterprise’s warp core chamber and certainly not on Earth although they were heading this way. “Bones” he tried warily. At the word, the good doctor frowned heavily and tilted his head as if he was hearing his nickname for the very first time and that made Jim’s stomach clench in alarm, “I was on the Enterprise for goodness’ sake, how come you’re saying you found me in the streets?!” he whined, losing his patience a bit with the unease of the situation.
Grabbing his tricorder, Bones scanned Jim, the frown still adorning his face as he pressed a hypo in his neck without a word when the scan was done. That, at least, felt normal. That ability McCoy had to produce medical instruments from nowhere and jabbing Jim’s neck like he was a dartboard.
“Listen, kid, I don’t know what you’re talking about but giving its status you’re certainly no ensign on the Enterprise. In fact, as far as we know you’re no one. So I must ask you now, do you remember your name?”
It was a serious punch in the stomach to be a stranger in Bones’ life. It took out the air from his lungs for a split second before he remembered his Starfleet training and all the weird shit he faced as the captain of the Enterprise. Which he wasn’t anymore obviously just like he wasn’t Leonard H. McCoy’s friend. His memories were all in place so it wasn’t the issue. Whatever it was that went wrong in the first place, the idea that his ship seemed to still be around and that Bones was still a Starfleet medical officer kind of reassured him.
“My name is James Tiberius Kirk, I was born on stardate 2233.04…” He began, leaving out his birth aboard the USS Kelvin because if he guessed correctly he had nothing tying him to Starfleet, otherwise they would have been able to identify him already. In fact, that he stayed unconscious for weeks and still remained a John Doe was starting to be alarming. Did Khan erase Jim from his own life in some way? Because with one blood sample his file should have lighted up any computer like a Christmas tree, not to mention that Bones should have barked at him for his ‘goddam idiotic sacrifice’ for hours instead of acting that detached professional way.
As the questions continued to come up Jim remained as vague as possible, playing the “I can’t seem to remember that” card whenever Bones inquiries would have led to a more in-depth investigation so in the end he barely said anything more than his name and his birth date.
At some point, he claimed to be tired and the doc nodded, leaving a puzzled Jim all by himself in this familiar yet foreign room. From what Jim gathered Starfleet was still the same as he knew it except that Bones never enrolled in any ship, preferring to stay behind. Which seemed logical, after all. If he was anything like “his” Bones, he was still aviophobic or so he claimed to be, Jim never really knew if it was true or if it was just for the sake of having something (more) to rant about.
Later that night, he managed to talk -or rather charm- a nurse into giving him a PADD, arguing that he was bored as hell, had slept enough while in his comatose state and that she would be the loveliest creature stationed on Earth if she were to humour him with a bit of a distraction. It worked strangely enough but the machine she gave him was locked obviously to prevent him from doing anything more than to browse the news feed. Jim stretched his stiff neck, moving his head from a shoulder to the other, cracked his knuckles and set himself to work his way through layers and layers of coding, hacking his way through Starfleet records to try and understand where and when he was, even who because hell, at this point he wasn’t even sure he was supposed to exist at all.
And that’s how, by morning, after a whole night trying to pull out files after files of any remote indication that he had lived in this universe, he came to the conclusion that James Tiberius Kirk simply wasn’t. If he was something, it was a singularity here, and he knew not how or why he had been dropped on this particular universe’s door. He was supposed to be dead in his own place. He had accepted his fate, he had come to peace with the idea. Not that it wasn’t a scary one, he had, after all, admitted to Spock how afraid he had been of that prospect so why was he basically offered a second chance?
In any of the stories he devoured as a child -and throughout his “short” life as an avid reader- the main protagonist always, always had a lesson to learn through this kind of surreal experiences. Now he had for sure the ego to think of himself as the main character, but this whole sacrifice to save the Enterprise and her crew was, he retrospectively thought, his own test that would break him free from the image of the almighty James Kirk, youngest reckless captain of the fleet. An image he built during his academy years and even after, until ultimately came the electroshock that had been Pike’s death. He had learned his lesson already had he not?
Jim shook his head, making a face in the process because he was still feeling a bit uneasy from whatever his body went through in this reality or his own. Now was not the time to dwell on the past, even if it wasn’t such a distant one. Jim had to understand what was happening in the now and so, the next thing he typed on his PADD was naturally the name of his first officer.
Spock would know, Spock would help, Spock would be infuriatingly logic about the situation and at that comforting thought Jim was already projecting himself back on the Enterprise when his eyes finally focused on the articles that popped suddenly on the screen.
“His Royal Highness, S’chn T’gai Spock, heir apparent to the throne of the Vulcan/Terran Empire as returned to Earth to preside his first session in front of the many ambassadors in lieu of King Sarek kept on Vulcan for health reason. We wish our King a speedy recov-”
“Crown Prince Spock seen near the Riverside shipyard, personally reviewing the construction of the new flagship of the Empire’s fleet. The Enterprise is said to be done near stard-”
“Is the Vulcan Chief of Protocol the rumored bondmate of our future King?”
“Bullshit!” Jim nearly cried aloud only hissing high enough he ended up in a coughing fit, blinking widely at the news feed that seemed to claim that Spock was… well, of a different status, to say the least.
Running his hands against his tired features he sighed heavily, once again cracking his way through highly confidential files only to have this incredible news confirmed over and over again. No matter where he looked at -and Jim’s curiosity did take him to places he surely shouldn’t have come close to, but those lines of codes were so pretty, hats off to whoever wrote them, it was literally an invitation- Spock was still a fucking King-to-be and although his record showed that he indeed was the same science genius Jim knew ‘him’ to be, here it looked more like a hobby on a very impressive resume rather than something Jim could actually use to go back to his reality.
So Spock was some kind of Prince… no big deal right? He could still help… probably? Or not.
When sunlight broke through the hospital window Jim suddenly realized he was pretty much still exhausted and hadn’t slept at all like he had claimed he would do when he last saw Bones. Or McCoy, now he wasn’t sure how he should address a man that had no idea who he was.
Still, now that he had done all his research, the situation as he understood it was a dire one. In the span of 8 hours, Jim learned that not only he woke up from the dead in a reality where he didn’t exist but also that he couldn’t even rely on two of the people he trusted the most. And if he was honest with himself, probably the only two people he trusted wholeheartedly. It was enough for a long overdue panic attack and he was almost relieved when a nurse punched a hypo into his neck. He calmed down instantly, succumbing to whatever drug was into the device, falling into a deep, well deserved rest. He would deal with whatever nightmare he was trapped into later.
*****
“The hell you are!”
Jim woke up to the sound of a very grumpy, snarly Bones and it took all of his will to act like he was still sleeping and not, in fact, grinning to a familiar and strangely comforting feeling. He hadn’t forgotten about his weird situation, it’s just that McCoy’s barks had always been the grounding kind to him, and especially now, wherever he was, he realized it was very much needed.
“Len, don’t be like that. He had clearly done something to piss him off. We just want to ask him some questions.”
Now that was interesting… Another voice Jim knew. Eyes still closed, trying to regulate his breathing to match as best his sleeping ones, Jim almost gasped as he heard Sulu’s voice. Another constant in this universe and he wondered if…
“It is a top priority request sir…” a young voice with a heavy Russian accent followed Jim’s train of thoughts and if he could, he would have probably cried on the spot. Bones, Sulu and Chekov were presently in his room. If this wasn’t Christmas already… Ah, but they were looking for him and given the small amount he heard it wasn’t exactly to bring him a present.
“Tell the Royal Hobgoblin that if he wants to talk to my patient, he will have to wait for him to be released. Or better, come for him himself. As far as I understand and from what you’ve been telling me, he’s no enemy of the Empire, not a fugitive or a criminal so ya know the drill guys, my hospital, my patient-”
“My rules” Sulu and Chekov both answered simultaneously with the obvious long-suffering sigh that people used to Bones’ wrath and temper would exhale on a regular basis.
“Shouldn’t have made me the royal physicist after all” Bones grumbled obviously pleased with himself as the boys made their way out not without entertaining the idea that they would ultimately return.
The door hadn’t closed yet that Jim felt his face burning. Like he was scrutinized, brown eyes tearing a hole into his very own soul.
“The hell did ya do last night for the Devil to send his guards at dawn like that kid?!”
Jim cracked one eye opened, glimpsing at a very fuming Bones, arms crossed and his southern accent returning. Of course, he couldn’t have fooled him. The man knew Jim had been awake all along.
“I- uh... I’ve-” Jim tried to think quickly.
He had an idea of whom was looking for him. At this point, Bones’ pet names for Spock were another thing he could rely on in every universes he’d visited but he hadn’t thought that toying with Spock’s coding would get him into trouble. He was a prince after all, Jim thought that he had better things to do. But then again it was Spock and he seemed to also be twitchy about his programming skills in this alternate reality just as much as he was in Jim’s. Really for someone so uptight about having his emotions under control the guy had to be a massive hypocrite… He would have to talk about it with his Spocks at some point.
“I’ve been away for a long time I just wanted to know how worthy our future King is?” Jim tried as he settled on his biobed, sitting with a bit of a difficulty as the tranquilizers he had after his panic attack seemed to not have worn off already. Which meant he hadn’t slept that much. “I’m such a big fan of you know… the Empire and stuff so…”
Bones rolled his eyes so hard Jim was worried for a moment they would never return back to their original place. He made no comment, only groaned loudly, a sound that needed no UT to have some meaning for Jim. That could only be translated as ‘Jim you’re being a pain in my ass but fine we’ll pretend that I actually believe the bullshit you’re serving me only because it will surely be either very embarrassing for ya or annoying for the Vulcan. Or both’ Who needed to be an expert in xenolinguistics when Jim was talking the McCoy fluently right?
“Away for a long time huh?” Bones asked warily.
Jim still had to come up with a story to tell about himself. People would start asking more pressing questions soon and he had no real cover ready up in his sleeve. Truth is, the revelations of the previous night stunned him so much that he didn’t even take the time to build up his lie. That would be the top priority for now. That and finding a way to return to his own universe.
“Yeah. So what did you mean by royal physicist?”
Leonard indulged Jim once more as he dodged the good doctor’s question not that much subtly. “Means that I’m the one in charge when it comes to the Royal family’s health whenever they’re on Earth.” And it must have shown on Jim’s face that he was surprised and actually thinking that with such an important role it was weird that Bones was the one taking care of him. “That’s why I’ve sent Spock’s babysitters away. He may have found you and placed you in my care but I’m still the one treating you at the moment.”
“Wait what do you mean he found me?” Jim winced, he hadn’t planned for his voice to be so high pitched.
“Our Prince charming here, brought me my very own princess when it landed on his doorstep two weeks ago.” Bones practically sang as he grabbed his tricorder and started scanning Jim.
That made him rolled his own eyes, but it was also a very bad idea and he flinched when a stabbing headache hit him instantly making Bones snicker as a result, the bastard.
“Easy kid I’m joking… about the princess part I mean. Spock’s court did found ya in the Golden Gate Park while he was heading to Starfleet HQ. The guy just loves to go for a walk in the park whenever he’s here. Must be the green he’s missing after spending too much time on his ugly rock of a planet.”
“‘Kay…” There were so many information in Jim’s hurting brain and the amount of time he allowed it to rest was very insufficient, he had trouble focusing.
Sensing the shift in Jim’s body language, Bones put his tricorder back in place and meant to leave the room not without further instructions. “Alright James, you’re gonna have to sleep now. Don’t make me repeat myself okay? I’m gonna leave you for now but Nurse Chapel better tell me you’re sleeping for real next time she’s gonna come to check you up, ya hear me?”
Wrinkling his nose in distaste, Jim nodded and called for Bones as he approached the automatic door of his room. “Call me Jim please, no one calls me James, only my mom when I’ve really managed to make her mad.”
“Sleep, Jim. Now.” The statement sounded final, harsh even for an untrained ear but Jim knew his McCoys (better than his Spocks he had to admit) and this one was no different from the one he was friend with. There was definitely a smile hidden there and it made Jim’s own lips tug upward as he resettled on the biobed closing his eyes to obey his doctor’s order.
*****
It was a first really, Jim not trying to flee from sickbay or his hospital room, diligently listening to his doctor and the nurses. He was really pleased with himself, catching up on the state of the galaxy, sometimes playing chess on an app he installed on what quickly became his PADD. In the days that followed his awakening, he had come up with a backstory and the beginning of a plan that would no doubt set off soon, he even had made progress with Bones on the friend’s side. If he were to stay stuck in here he could use the support of his best friend even if said friend had no idea he was of the ‘best’ kind… yet.
Bones had offered Jim to crash at his place when he’d be discharged later that day. For as long as would need to get back on his feet professionally. Jim had told Bones he was a steelworker back from a colony in the Milky Way wanting to find something on Earth. this time He hadn’t played the family card because McCoy would have probably tried to contact them which was… impossible. So Jim had claimed to be on his own, no family, no friends, no lover just in need of some changes and fresh air.
He had no need to pack since he had literally no possessions and nothing to wear but a hideous hospital gown. His clothes having been destroyed when they discovered him weeks prior, but with the help of Christine, nurse Chapel -they too had become closer over his stay- he had acquired at least a real attire.
Jim was getting ready when a familiar duo made their entrance. He knew they’d come back eventually, Bones had officially signed the discharging form, it was only a matter of time before they’d try again to question him.
Crossing his arms, a soft smug smile stretching his lips, he leaned against the foot of his biobed, the heavy footsteps of McCoy following quick, the man rushing in before Sulu even spoke making everyone in the room instantly tense.
“I knew you’d come as soon as I’d put my finger on his form.” He groaned, placing himself between Jim and the boys. It was interesting really that familiar sense of safety Leonard provided to Jim. He hadn’t been in this universe for a long and yet the similarities at least concerning his friend were striking. How fiercely protective, how mother hen he was to Jim, just like he had been from the moment they both spilled their guts to the other, completely drunk, on that first night after they had met into the shuttle that had led them to their academy days.
“Calm down Bones.” Jim couldn’t help the nickname leaving his mouth at first and the man hadn’t seemed to care too much. Of course, he complained, because what world would it be if Bones was downright okay with meaningless things, or anything for the matter, but just like everything else it wasn’t the least convincing so Jim settled in his “old routine”.
Putting a steady hand on his friend shoulders to reassure him he switched quickly into captain mode as he pushed gently Bones behind him to better face Sulu and Chekov, grinning brightly at them.
“So!” He exclaimed clapping his hands together and rubbing them. “Where to guys? I’m hoping you’re taking me out to dinner you see, the food here is awful and I’m dying for a hamburger!” He laughed, lightheartedly, knowing fully the face McCoy was making at the mere thought of the junk food Jim was craving for.
It seemed to relax everyone in the room at once but Jim still had to take Bones’ communicator before leaving, promising him he would contact him whenever he would be released. Jim thought the wording was probably closer to ‘if he” rather than “whenever” but he kept his mouth shut, the grin plastered on his lips to maintain the image of goodwill.
Truth is he didn’t know what awaited him. From what he knew this Empire wasn’t anything like the infamous bloodthirsty Mirror one he heard about from Starfleet but in such a case as his, cautious was never to throw to the wind.