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They'd made it through four trials so far, though none of them were any closer to figuring out the what and why behind how they woke up in a mystical fantasy world that morning.
Pidge kept insisting they were all in the dream that she was having, and that it was a result of her and Matt playing too much Dungeons and Dragons when they were younger.
Allura was convinced it was a pocket dimension that she'd accidentally jumped the castle into.
Shiro didn't really have any ideas, he just enjoyed going along with it.
Lance and Hunk were almost on the same page. Almost.
"Lance, if there was a secret holodeck on board the ship, then how have we not found it until now?"
"Pssht! Maybe because it's been deactivated for however many hundreds of years and we took a blast from a Galra ship, it finally jump started the old power cells?"
"Okay, but holodeck doesn't explain why you have a tail. Or why I have a beard."
Lance frowns, his wolf-like ears flattening against his head. "Schwhatevers, Hunk. We're on a holodeck, it's the only logical explanation."
"God, I schwish you would stop-augh! You've got me doing it now!" Hunk groans. Lance shrugs, he's been on a bit of a 'schwhatever' kick lately, it keeps slipping into his lexicon.
"Hey! Dream theory makes way more sense! You all have classes and stats and I swear–" Pidge starts up again before Allura stops in her tracks, causing their group to fall back.
"Aha! The penultimate trial!" Allura grins. "As much sense as your dream might make, Pidge, it does not explain why all the signs have been in ancient Altean. Hence why this is obviously the result of inter-dimensional space travel. And if we want to get back home, we must finish The Trials of the Paladins."
Hunk and Lance share a look. "Holodeck," Hunk nods.
"So totally holodeck."
Shiro stops to pull the flower of a nearby plant close to his face, and sniffs it "I don't really care, this place is beautiful. The flowers smell like oranges."
Lance has to admit he's got a point. They're in a beautiful forest, surrounded by azure trees bearing pink leaves like petals and red flower blossoms that drop to the ground and fly through the air when the wind whips around.
Allura ignores them, reading from the stone tablet in front of her. "Ahem, 'The penultimate trial: A heart's return. To finish your quest, you must free the lost one... and open your heart to'... huh."
"What is it, Princess?" Shiro asks.
"This word, it has multiple meanings, unlike the other trials, I cannot decipher this clue as easily. It's written more like a poem, there's a lot of metaphors."
"Well, give it a try?" Pidge shrugs. "I'm sure one of us has a secret literary scholar stat boost."
Lance rolls his eyes as Allura starts again.
"Right, here's my best guess. 'To finish your quest, free the lost one,' or is it 'lost soul'? Maybe it's 'lost breath'? Oh! 'To finish your quest, release the held breath.' Like, if you're holding in something, you have to let it go!" Allura claps her hands, "Okay this is making more sense, 'A heart already beholden to one, will not get the job done. From lips to lips, with strength as you breathe, they shall wake, and your mission shall succeed.' I wonder what it means by 'they'?"
Lance steps forward. "Isn't it obvious? It's a 'kiss the sleeping Princess' quest! Which means I totally got this one!" he beams. "It's my specialty after all. Loverboy Lance is gonna kiss a Princess, and save the day!"
"Kiss the sleeping Princess?" Allura cocks her head. "How can you be so certain?"
"I'm with Allura, it's pretty cheesy, I don't think I'd dream of something this cliché," Pidge nods.
Hunk strokes his beard. "Also what if Allura's the one who has to kiss someone? Last time I checked, your heart is pretty 'beholden' to several 'ones'. Most of them named Jenny."
Lance rolls his eyes. "What, you doubt my Princess-kissing abilities? We haven't even–"
"Uh, Lance is right. There's a sleeping Princess over there," Shiro points to the clearing in the forest that has somehow magically appeared, pink leaves and red blossoms raining down in the center like something out of a Disney movie. There's a crystal chamber rising from the ground, and a figure inside, laying down flat as if asleep.
Lance yelps with excitement, ignoring the way it sounds like a genuine wolf whistle, and dashes towards the sleeping Princess. He hears the others following along, and stops in his tracks as the crystalline walls of the chamber start to unfurl like flower petals, Lance's tail wagging in excitement. There's a slow reveal of a figure in pink and white satin refinery, ruffles and jewels and lace and–
A mullet?
Not just any mullet. But a mullet he would recognize anywhere.
Okay, the mullet might be a little more styled than usual, like someone took the time to carefully curl a few locks with a hot iron, and there's ribbons and flowers woven into the strands and a tiara but it's still. A mullet.
"KEITH?!" he screams.
There's a rustling of leaves as birds take off in the wake of the unholy shriek Lance just let out.
"Oh, my... That's..." Allura stammers.
"I take back what I said. This is so a quest I'd come up with for you Lance," Pidge laughs. "I'd say roll for initiative, but I'm pretty sure your natural charisma–"
"Ut! Ut ut ut!" Lance shushes her, stalking back to the rest of the group. "Clearly, I was mistaken. Someone else is meant to go swap spit with Princess Mullet-cup over there."
"Oooh, sweet Princess Bride reference, but no, it's you Lance. Go kiss 'em," Hunk nods.
"You go kiss him!" Lance growls, his tail fluffing up.
Hunk shakes his head. "My heart's definitely already beholden."
"Ha! I knew it. Shay and Hunk, sitting in a space tree–wait what am I saying? Shiro, maybe it's platonic brotherly love? Can you go give him a smooch and see?" Lance turns to him.
Shiro shrugs. "Well it's worth a shot," Lance holds his breath, hearing the pause in his voice, "after we try a non-platonic kiss. I mean, it is your specialty, right Loverboy Lance?"
"Loverwolf, more like it," Pidge chuckles. Lance turns to her and she raises her hands, "Don't even ask, Lance! My heart belongs to science and also, we already have the platonic love backup!"
Lance's pouts, "Welp, it's down to us. Allura, you go first."
Allura is worrying her fingernail between her teeth. "Um..."
"Please don't tell me you're exempt because you're also in love with Shay? Actually hold up, if Hunk's cool with that, I think I am too."
"No... but remember when we sort of bent the rules of the third trial? The room started to crumble, we barely made it out alive," Allura looks at him with pleading eyes. "Lance, the instructions were written in double-speak, but I'm not dishonest about my feelings. I think sometimes... well you don't lie... but you dance around the truth."
Lance narrows his eyes. "What does that–"
"Lance, you want to kiss Kei-uh, a Princess. You have to let your breath out, it means you have to own up to how you feel. We all know you want to, erm," Allura taps her chin, "you want to be a hero. And to you, a hero kisses the Princess."
Lance nods. There's a weird feeling in his stomach as he turns on his heels and walks towards the crystal bed where Keith sleeps.
Hunk leans in, "Nice convincing him that it's all a hero's journey thing, and not dealing with the unresolved sexual tension between him and Keith that we've all suffered through."
"Well, schwhatever works, really. I want them kissing now, Hunk. I've been very patient," Allura crosses her arms.
"Does he even know how much his tail is wagging now that he's heading over to kiss him?" Pidge wonders aloud.
"Gosh, I wish I had a camera," Shiro sighs as he looks up at the sky still raining petals. "Does anyone want to make a flower crown with me?"
"Oh my, he's bending down!" Allura squeals as she tugs Hunk closer.
"I know! It's happening!" Hunk says excitedly.
Lance gently sits at Keith's side, the crystalline bed is surprisingly softer than it looks, and feels cold even through his clothing. He looks down at Keith, sleeping so soundly that he's barely breathing, his chest only slightly rises and falls.
He takes a clawed hand, and with a single finger he brushes hair away from Keith's forehead. He's aware of the eyes of his teammates on him. He's also now painfully aware that there's little fluffy woodland alien-ish creatures, and strange twittering birds watching him as well.
"It really is a freakin' Disney movie, isn't it?" Lance laughs bitterly, swinging his legs back and forth nervously.
Where the heck did nervous come from? Why is he nervous? He's just gonna kiss him and if it works great, and if it doesn't...
Lance swallows. It could not work. He might not be the hero Keith needs to kiss him. Maybe it is Shiro, or Allura, or Hunk or–
"QUIT STALLING! ROLL FOR GODDAMN INITIATIVE!" Pidge shouts.
"Hey! You want this done fast or done right?" Lance shouts back, and where the hell did that come from? Done right? What would make the difference?
"Ugh," Lance leans in and kisses Keith's forehead just to break the tension. And damn, his skin is so cold. It's nothing like how he'd pictured Keith's skin feeling.
Something in Lance's chest swells though. He sees Keith twitch, or he swears he does. Maybe it's a trick of all the falling blossoms and pink leaves but, no he's definitely waking up! His lips are slightly parted now, the tiniest sound of a breath and a gasp coming from his plush pink–
"On the lips, you quiznaking coward!" Allura shouts.
"I'm getting there!" Lance shouts back. Oh damn, Keith's going to wake up and he's not even going to get a kiss, and before he can question the sudden desire of his to kiss Keith, he's closing his eyes tight and bending down.
And kissing Keith.
Keith's mouth opens wider for him, there's kissing and he's bracing his weight with a hand on Keith's chest, clutching at silky fabric and bunching it between his fingers. His skin is warm now, his heart is pounding and Lance's other hand moves of it's own volition to run through Keith's surprisingly soft hair.
He pulls Keith closer and a moan is muffled into his mouth as he tastes more and more. There's hands on him now, rubbing his ears and he can feel his tail hitting the crystal bed over and over again as it wags rapidly.
Then there's teeth, scraping over his tongue as he licks into Keith's mouth and it's just so fucking good, he feels weightless. Like there's just air and wind where pressure and worry used to be, he has hands massaging his ears and then down to his shoulders, pushing him down, lying him on his back.
A warm, strong body lays atop him, legs wrapping around his–
"Uhh," he hears Hunk in the distance. Well not distant. Pretty close if he'd have to guess, but there's no way he's opening his eyes and ending this. Not when he has his arms full of a feisty Princess that is the best damn kisser he's ever met.
"Oh geez, nat 20," Pidge groans. "They're gonna boink, aren't they? Can I please wake up now?"
"Eee! I love this dimension!" Allura applauds.
"Keith!" Shiro yells. "Enough!"
That seems to be the thing that finally snaps them both out of whatever lust-induced trance they've been caught in. Lance and Keith's eyes flutter open, they stay connected a final moment, before breaking the kiss with gasps and confused half-words. Keith pushes himself off of Lance, sliding back on his hands. Lance leaps off the bed and stands, not knowing where to go as Keith panics.
"Lance! What the-?" Keith looks around, speaking quickly. "What is happening? Where the hell am I? Why are you a dog? Why does Hunk have a beard? Oh my god, why were you kissing me?!"
"Hey! I'm a wolf, and I was kissing you because! Because! You're a cursed Princess that needed a spell broken, or something!" Lance looks to his fellow paladins for backup. "I had to kiss you to wake you up! Right?" They nod.
"That still doesn't explain why you had to shove your tongue down my throat!" Keith snaps.
"Well, excuuuse me, Princess!" Lance draws out. "But last time I checked the inside of my mouth, your tongue didn't need to be there either! Also, you're the one who flipped me over and started grinding like–"
"Stop!" Keith says, slapping a hand over Lance's mouth. "I get it. Weird fantasy quest, alternate universe, shared drug hallucination, holodeck malfunction, whatever. Please tell me we know how to reach the final tower?"
"Final tower?" Allura cocks her head to one side.
Keith blinks. "Oh, oh that's weird. I suddenly have this–okay there's a tower. I think I was dreaming about it. I know the way there!" Keith smiles and slides off the crystal bed to dust off his arms and smooth down his dress.
"Yes! Final boss!" Pidge pumps her fist, "lead the way, Princess! Uh, Princesses?"
Allura laughs and Keith pouts.
"I'm not a Princess, ugh, hold on," Keith reaches down and lifts the hem of his overly large, frilly gown to reveal the knife holster, just above a lacey garter belt holding up his thigh-high white stockings.
"Psst, Lance you're drooling," Hunk whispers.
"Shut up, Hunk." Lance says but wipes his mouth regardless.
Keith takes out his Marmora blade and with a few deft cuts, he's slit his outfit down the sides, allowing him more unrestricted movement. "That's way better. Okay, final tower. The path starts that way," he points ahead with his knife and the paladins are off.
Except for him and Lance, the both of them hanging back. The forest seems darker now. Petals have stopped falling from the trees.
"We should uh, we should catch up with them," Lance says.
"Yeah," Keith mumbles, reaching down to holster his knife again, giving Lance another view of the legs that make his ears perk up.
Keith turns to Lance with a sad look in his eyes. "Why was it you?"
"Huh?"
"You don't like–well, I don't know. Maybe, ugh. This isn't making sense," Keith presses his mouth together. "Why were you the one that had to kiss me? Was that part of the curse? I had to be kissed by a wolf, or my rival or whatever you called it."
"Keith, it's not that," Lance starts, his ears laying flat on his head. "It had to be someone whose heart wasn't already, um, beholden or something."
"Beholden?"
"Like, someone who was open to..." Lance pauses, thinking back to Allura's translation. "The trial of a heart's return. Wait.. Maybe it's not return, maybe she should have translated it like... like a heart reciprocated."
"Oh," Keith blinks. Lance can see his chest fall slowly. Like he's–
'To finish your quest, release the held breath.' Like, if you're holding in something, you have to let it go!
Lance takes Keith's hand, walking him along the path to start catching up with the rest of the paladins.
"Schwhatever, I got to be the hero and kiss a Princess. Everything else from here on is just gravy."
Keith makes his usual annoyed groan. Lance feels his mouth curl in a smile. "Okay first, schwhatever? No, that is stopping now. Secondly, I am not a Princess!"
"Mmm, Keith I'd have an easier time believing you not being a Princess if these little woodland creatures weren't currently flocking to you like we're in a Disney movie."
"Ugh! Get away!" Keith shouts at the animal friends that had been trailing him, flicking the bluebird-esque thing off his shoulder. "So as I was saying, I'd be a Prince if anything, and even then, look at this knife! Clearly I'm some kind of warrior in disguise. And furthermore..."
Lance kisses Keith again.
"Furthermore, is there a reason you keep petting my ears?"
"... They're really soft," Keith murmurs, running them between his thumbs and index fingers.
"S'okay, feels good," Lance says quietly, ducking his head closer to Keith.
"Mmm," Keith nods. "So, what happens next?"
"Ah, that's a good question. Schwhat's our next step?" Lance rubs his chin.
"Lance."
"Schwell, that's up to you, my dear Buttercup!"
"Lance!"
"As you schwish!"
"Ugh! Schwill you stop–oh god damn it! You've got me doing that too! Get back here!" Lance laughs, but Keith doesn't have to go far to catch him.
Their hands are still clasped together as they run towards their friends, and whatever adventure that lies ahead.