Archive of Our Own

From the moment Shiro saw Adam, he knew he was special. For so long he had been trying to put into words exactly what he felt, but after years he finally thought he had the words to do so. Or at least he would try.

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They had met when they were thirteen years old.

Galaxy Garrison, the flight school for the most elite of pilots, was in its first day of the year. Excitement built in Shiro’s chest like a dam. He was sitting near the front of the class, eyes eagerly noting all the students filing into the classroom. There were boys and girls of every variety, a few catching Shiro’s eyes as they took their seats at their desks. A smiling girl waved lightly and took the seat next to him, which made Shiro feel instantly better.

And then a boy walked in, and Shiro’s heart stopped.

He was small, with dark skin and curling hair and glasses, and he scanned the room in search of a seat when his eyes locked upon Shiro.

Shiro’s first thought was; I hope he finds a good seat. He looks nervous.

His second thought was; That’s the most beautiful boy I’ve ever seen.

The boy didn’t end up sitting near him, but somewhere near the back where Shiro couldn’t look at him without it being blatantly obvious.

The teacher called Shiro Takashi at first, and Shiro had to politely correct her and say that Shirogane was the name more commonly used in his culture.

The girl beside him was called Martine.

During roll-call he learned the boy's name was Adam.

Adam Adam Adam.

The name didn’t leave his head all day.

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After lunch, the new students had to collect their keys to their room and find out who their roommate was on the roster. After six months they could choose their own roommate but it was randomly assigned at first.

Shiro, along with the rest of his classmates, went to the office after lunch and waited for their names to be called.

Martine was one of the first to be called, and then her roommate was announced to be a girl named Claire. Their room was 160a.

Shiro had to wait a while for his name to be called, and the pool of students he could be rooming with narrowing. There was now only two girls (Sam and Laura) who were clearly going to be paired, and then three other boys; Rupert, a loud-mouth and generally annoying kid, Milo, a boy who possibly could be the smartest in the class, and Adam.

Shiro pretended he’d be fine with any of the boys, but he knew deep down that he really wanted Adam.

“Sam, Laura. Room 230a. Come to collect your keys and we’ll escort you to your room.”

Shiro watched them go. And waited.

“Rupert,” the woman called, and Shiro tuned his attention back in.

“Milo. Room 250b. Come to collect your keys.”

Rupert cheered and ran to the desk, and Shiro turned his head back to Adam- the only other person left.

Adam gave him a small smile and a wave, followed by a nervous, “guess we’re roommates.”

Shiro grinned, “guess we are!”

“Takashi,” the woman called and Shiro internally groaned. “Adam. Room 260b. Come and collect your keys.”

The boys walked up to the desk and collected their keys. An escort arrived and took them to collect their bags before walking them to their room.

“Room 260b. The only ones with a copy of the keys are you two and the office. Please try not to lose them.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

The woman walks away and Shiro fiddles with the key, trying to unlock the door.

The room is by no means big but compared to what Shiro’s used to it looks incredible.

There’s a bed on each side, and a desk and wardrobe each too. A small-looking bathroom is on the left side too, still leaving a decent amount of empty space in the middle.

“Woah,” Shiro breathes, and then turns to Adam, “do you want the left side or right?”

“Oh, I don’t mind.”

Shiro could tell he was uncomfortable.

“Are you nervous?” Shiro asks him, putting his suitcase on the left bed and sitting down. Adam sits on the bed opposite.

Shiro thought there was a large gap between the beds but their knees can’t be more than three feet apart.

“A little bit.”

“Why?”

Adam breathes out.

“I don’t know. Sorry, just- nothing.”

Shiro doesn’t question any further.

“Well, we haven’t formally introduced ourselves yet. I’m Shiro.”

He sticks his hand out for a handshake and Adam stares at it, before laughing (Shiro supposes it is pretty funny to see a 13-year-old be so serious.)

“I’m Adam.”

They shake hands and Adam’s eyes snag on the device around Shiro’s wrist.

“What’s that?”

“It just monitors my exercise and tells me my heart rate and stuff! You know, just keeping healthy.”

“Oh, okay.”

Adam doesn’t say anything else about it, just “I’m going to unpack my suitcases.”

“Okay, cool, yeah I should do that too, uh it’s nice meeting you!”

He smiles. “You too Shiro.”

Shiro turns his back and begins to unpack his clothes, grinning.

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A week later they were best friends.

A month and they were inseparable.

Shiro had learned so much about Adam.

His last name was Laghari and he has an older sister named Myra, although they don’t get on very well. He wants to be a fighter pilot. He’s shortsighted, which used to worry him to think he could never be a pilot but after realising the Garrison can fix it he didn’t care anymore.

He loves dogs. And children.

He likes to read poetry. He hadn’t told Shiro that one, but Shiro had noticed him reading it in the dead of night.

But he always wants to know more, which explains where they are now.

“So why exactly are we playing this?”

“It’s 20 questions, Adam. It’s supposed to make us learn more about each other.”

“So I ask you a bunch of questions?”

“You ask one and then I ask one. It’s like we trade.”

It was 23:00. Lights out was an hour ago, so they’re sitting on the floor in the space between their beds with Adam’s night light perched to their side.

They’re both wearing pyjamas, and so close that their crossed knees are touching.

“So who goes first?”

“You can,” Shiro offers. “Nothing’s off limit to ask but we can refuse.”

Adam’s eyes flicker to the ceiling, which he does when he’s thinking.

“What’s your favourite colour?”

“Is that the question?”

“Yes! I don’t know your favourite colour.”

Shiro looks into his eyes. “Blue.”

Adam looks away.

Shiro asks, “what’s your middle name?”

Adam groans, “oh my god Shiro noooooooooo.”

“Adam yesssssss.”

“Ugh,” he shakes his head and does a mock prayer symbol. Shiro laughs.

“Akaash Manoj. My mom is Indian so she wanted some of our heritage in there since my dad chose my first name. Not that we ever see mom, of course.”

Adam’s parents were divorced. His mum didn’t want custody of the children in the end.

“Do they mean anything? The names?”

“Is that another question?”

“No, it doesn’t count shhhh.”

Adam laughs. “Akaash means ‘sky’ and Manoj represents love and the mind and stuff.”

“Woah,” Shiro says, awestruck. “That’s literally so cool.”

“No, it’s really not.”

“Yes it is. It’s your turn now, anyways.”

Adam gives Shiro a one over, thinking of a question, and his eyes stop on Shiro’s arm. He seems to be debating whether or not to ask.

And then he just goes for it.

“What’s that wrist-device-thingy really for?”

Shiro sucks in a breath.

“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

Shiro gives him a weak smile.

“No, it’s okay. I want to tell you.”

This is his best friend. He wouldn’t judge him.

Adam sits up straighter, pushing his glasses up his nose.

Shiro breathes deeply.

“I, uh, I have a disease. It’s not contagious! But it affects my muscles. Especially my arms. They can get really stiff and sometimes I can’t really move them, and this bracelet basically shocks my body back into working. I guess.”

Adam’s mouth hangs slightly open.

“And you’re still training to be a pilot?”

Shame fills his body. “Yeah.”

“Dude,” Adam says, and Shiro is already waiting to be lectured or for the pity, “that's amazing! You’re amazing! You’re easily the best pilot in the class even though you’re facing this?! You’re incredible.”

Shiro was expecting pity and for Adam to never look at him the same, but the awestruck look on Adam’s face makes him blush bright red. He quickly changes the topic.

“Okay, my turn. What’s your biggest fear?”

Now it was Adam’s turn to turn away.

“Being alone.”

Shiro’s heart panged.

“I’m scared that nobody else will ever really understand what goes on in my head, and nobody will ever love me because of it. Or that the person who I love slowly realises that I’m not worth it and leaves. It’s one of the reasons I don’t like the dark; it’s when I truly know that nobody's there.”

Adam’s looking at the ground, too ashamed to even look up after his confession.

Shiro reaches over in the dark and puts his fingertips to Adam’s. They’re so barely touching, and warmth has entirely engulfed Shiro.

“I’m here, Adam.”

Adam looks to where the fingers are brushing and moves them just so slightly forward. Shiro gulps and closes his eyes.

When he opens them neither of them are looking at each other anymore and Shiro quickly pulls his hand back to his chest.

“Okay well, I think that’s enough for today. Finish it tomorrow?”

“Sure.”

Adam doesn’t quite meet his eyes as he crawls into his own bed, placing the nightlight in its rightful place on his desk.

“Goodnight, Adam,” Shiro whispers into the dark.

“Goodnight Shiro,” Adam whispers back.

Shiro clutches his fingertips to his chest.

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Shiro was fourteen and he was madly in love with Adam.

By this point he had put a name to the burning feeling in his chest but knew he couldn’t act on it. Not yet, anyway. He didn’t want to jeopardize their friendship.

Loving from afar was fine anyways.

They had chosen to stay roommates, which was simultaneously the best and worst thing he could imagine.

The benefits were obvious; he wanted to spend as much time to Adam as possible. They were best friends and Shiro just kept learning more and more about him. If they wanted to talk at midnight they could. If one of them is having a nightmare the other is right there.

He also gets to see the soft moonlight in Adam’s hair as he sleeps, and watch him yawn like a cat in the morning. It’s a side very few get to see.

The downsides are that it’s almost taunting how badly Shiro wants him.

When Adam’s changing Shiro has to force his eyes away, not wanting to invade with his thoughts. He has to watch the lines of Adam’s body moving daily, listen to Adam’s sweet shower serenades and know they’re not for him. He has to stop himself from touching, because he doesn’t want to make Adam uncomfortable more than anything.

It’s a slow torture, and Shiro feels bad for enjoying it.

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“Come on, we have to go now .”

Shiro’s hand grips Adam’s wrist as they padded down the Garrison’s hallways, running a familiar path and praying they don’t get caught.

They’re sixteen and their rebellious fire is kindling.

“Oh my god, we’re doing this. We’re actually doing this.”

They’re sneaking out. At night. It doesn’t sound like a big issue but it is.

As long as they don’t get caught they’ll be fine, and Shiro doesn’t plan on getting caught.

He tugs on Adam’s wrist and they turn a corner, finally where they need to be.

Shiro drags him up a flight of stairs, and then two more, and then they’re standing on the rooftop of the Galaxy Garrison just as night begins.

“Woah,” Adam says, looking at the sky as they walk.

Shiro turns around to him, “cool right?”

“Very.”

They walk over to the almost-edge of the roof but sit back a bit as they’d probably be in a lot of trouble if they fell off.

“We’ve been at the Galaxy Garrison for three years and now we finally get to see some real stars,” Adam remarks and Shiro laughs.

“We should have brought food or something up here,” Shiro says with a sigh.

“Shiro we don’t even have shoes on; how could we possibly sneak anything else up here?”

It was true. They’re both wearing their pyjamas and shoeless as their shoes would have made too much noise. They both just have on some matching fluffy socks.

“So, why’d you bring me up here?” Adam asks, and Shiro shrugs.

“I dunno, I just thought you’d enjoy the stars.”

Adam looks at him and smiles, “I do. Very much.”

Shiro smiles and then gulps, looking towards the sky.

“It’s not the only reason.”

Resting on his hands, Adam turns to face him.

“What do you mean?”

“I, uh- I have another reason why I brought you here.”

He wipes his sweaty hands on his pyjama pants.

He was going to do it. He was going to tell Adam.

Shiro turned to him and his breath caught in his throat.

Adam, turned slightly to face Shiro, was lit by the moonlight. His blue eyes were looking straight at Shiro, turned silver under the sky. His lips were parted slightly and Shiro’s heart beat faster just thinking about them.

He was wearing mismatched pyjamas and fuzzy socks and his hair was a mess and he was so beautiful Shiro couldn’t even think.

He compares Adam now to Adam when he first saw him walking into class three years ago. He’s matured a lot more now; his hair is longer and his jaw is sharper. He’s got a smattering of freckles over his nose and his glasses are different. His hair is curlier.

Shiro is attracted to him so completely he doesn’t think there’s room in his heart for anything else besides Adam Adam Adam.

“Shiro?”

Hearing his name from Adam sent his heart into overdrive. He was acutely aware that he needed to say something. He closed his eyes.

“Adam, I- uh. I have to tell you something. Can you just please not speak until I’m done?”

Adam looked like he was going to say something but slowly nodded instead, now completely turned towards Shiro.

Shiro opened his eyes and looked straight at Adam.

“Adam, I’ve known you for years now and I need to tell you exactly how I feel. About you.”

Shiro takes a deep breath.

“I think I’m in love with you, Adam.”

Adam’s eyes widen. He looks as though he’s going to say something but Shiro quickly interrupts.

“No no please let me finish. If I’m going to do this I’m going to do it right.”

Adam bites his lip but obliges, shutting his eyes. Shiro is already preparing for the worst.

“Ever since I saw you in that classroom I wanted to know you. I prayed that we would be roommates and we were. I prayed we would become friends and we did. But I’ve always felt something more around you.”

Shiro’s heart is speeding up rapidly and he’s worried that he won’t even be able to finish.

“ Every day I’m excited to see you, and I always want to listen to your stories and learning new things about you makes my day so much better, and it physically hurts me when you’re hurting.

And I just want you to know that I have these feelings even if you don’t feel the same because I want you to know that you are so wanted and so worth everything. You are my favouritest person and I just want for you to be happy.”

Adam is left speechless, mouth gaping open, and Shiro clenches his fists by his side.

He will wait for his response, and he will respect it either way.

“Shiro, I-” Adam starts, dark curls falling in his face. “That was- you mean it?”

Shiro nods mutely.

Adam looks down at his hands propping him up and moves so that he’s sitting upright, moving forward.

He clutches his left to his chest, but Shiro watches Adam's right-hand move closer towards him until Adam’s fingertips barely on his jaw. Shiro lets out a long, pained breath.

Adam’s fingers begin moving slowly back towards his hair, and then trail down the sensitive skin of his neck where they rest.

Shiro’s eyes are closed and it’s through clenched teeth he whispers, “please don’t play with me, Adam.”

Adam gulps but keeps his hand where it is.

“Shiro, I- I do too. Like you. I really, really like you. So much it hurts.”

Shiro’s eyes open slowly and he looks at Adam through his lashes.

Adam’s gnawing at his lip, looking at Shiro. His hand experimentally drags down the column of Shiro’s throat and Shiro’s breath grows heavier. Adam drags his gaze to Shiro’s.

“Can I-?” Shiro asks, eyes flickers between Adam’s eyes and his lips, which are still between his teeth.

Adam nods and Shiro moves one of his clenched fists to curl in the edges of Adam’s hair, their proximity getting closer and closer.

They’re breathing the same air now, and Adam’s lips are only millimetres away.

And then he whispers, “ Shiro.”

And then they’re kissing.

Adam’s lips are chapped from the cold and the biting and Shiro’s senses are immediately overwhelmed. All he can taste is Adam’s mouth on his mouth and he can smell Adam’s smell and hear his gentle breathing and feel his hand back on Shiro’s jaw.

Shiro tightens his grip on Adam’s hair as his stomach is overcome with butterflies. His other hand rests on Adam’s chest, where he can feel his heartbeat.

They pull their mouths back for a second, looking into each other's eyes to check everything is still okay, and then lunge into another kiss, but this time with more force.

Adam slowly pushes Shiro down so that he’s laying on his back on the rooftop, pulling him as close as he can while they kiss.

They knock their teeth together a few times and Shiro can feel Adam’s nose pressed into his cheek.

It’s so much better than he could have imagined.

“Shiro,” Adam mutters, trailing kisses up his jaw. “Shiro. Shiro. Shiro.”

Shiro rolls Adam beneath him, pulling back from their kisses to look Adam in his eyes.

“Call me Takashi.”

Awe fills Adam’s face, and then he smiles wide.

“Takashi,” he whispers, and his hand cups Shiro’s cheek. Shiro’s chest fills with warmth and he laughs a breathless laugh.

“Takashi,” Adam whispers again and kisses Shiro’s forehead. And then his cheek. And his nose and his eyelids and then finally a sweet and chaste kiss on his mouth.

Shiro pulls back to see that he’s crying.

“I’m so happy,” Adam says, smiling.

Shiro kisses away his tears with a soft smile and Adam wraps his arms around Shiro’s neck, pulling them together.

“Takashi,” he whispers one more time, and they lie intertwined under the stars.

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“Takashi,” Adam whines quietly in between kisses.

Shiro mouths a trail down Adam’s neck, down his chest and along his stomach.

Adam’s hand's fist in his hair, eyes screwed shut. Shiro runs his fingers along Adam’s sides and delights in the breathy noises he makes, before putting their lips together once more.

They flip so that Shiro is now on his back Adam curls his fingers around the waistband of Shiro’s joggers.

“Can I take these off?”

Shiro nods dumbly.

They hadn’t really done anything beyond making out, but tonight felt like the night.

“We have to be quiet,” Adam whispered to him later. “We’ll be in so much trouble if anyone finds out.”

Shiro nods and kisses him again, pulling the sheets up to his shoulders.

Adam looks as beautiful as always. Shiro would do anything if Adam asked him to.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Shiro asks, and Adam smiles softly.

“I want to do anything if it’s with you.”

Shiro presses his face into Adam’s bare collarbone and laughs, whispering, “you’re so cheesy.”

“You love it.”

“I do.”

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The day they graduated from their classes at the Garrison were both a blessing and a curse.

For years they were afraid that their relationship would cause them to be separated (definitely no sharing a room) and the feeling of finally being out was something freeing.

However, it forced him to think.

Shiro’s disease was slowly worsening, and he knew that by 25 he would probably be barely able to walk. He couldn’t ask Adam to stay with him through all of this.

He didn’t even know if Adam even wanted to stay with him now that school was done.

Later that evening while packing away the remnants of their shared room Adam asked, “do you want to move in together?”

“What?”

“Do you want to live with me? We can rent out a place. Or if you want to work here still we can request a room?”

Shiro’s eyebrows drew together.

“What about your family?”

“What about them?”

“Don’t you want to go back to them?”

“No. I don’t.”

Shiro didn’t say anything.

“Takashi, is everything okay?”

“Why do you love me?”

Adam’s hands stop in the box he’s packing. Shiro is sitting on his bed looking lost.

“What’s this about, Takashi?”

“Adam-”

“Is it about your disease? Because you know that doesn’t change anything about how I feel.”

“It’s about everything, Adam! Why me? Why is it me that you chose?”

Shiro puts his head in his hands.

He can hear footsteps, and then Adam is on his knees between Shiro’s legs, pulling his hands away from his face.

“What's wrong?”

“Everything.”

Tears are welling in Shiro’s eyes and Adam begins to play with his hands, taking in a deep breath and then kissing the tips of Shiro’s fingers.

“Takashi, I love you so much.”

He kisses his knuckles. Shiro closes his eyes.

“I love how brave you are, and how you always put others first. I love that you’re so smart. I love that your heart is so open.”

He kisses away one of Shiro’s tears and leaves his mouth closed.

“I love how gentle you are with me. I love that you still ask if you can kiss me every single time.”

Shiro lets out a sob.

“I don’t deserve you.”

Adam wraps his arms around Shiro’s neck, pulling them chest to chest.

“I love your honesty. I love how you ask me about my day. I love it when you sneak me out to see the stars.”

He plays with Shiro’s hair.

“I love that you trust me with everything. There isn’t a single thing I don’t love about you.”

“I’ll move in with you.”

Adam smiles. “You make me so happy.”

They pack up the rest of the room together, hand in hand.

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“So,” Adam says as Shiro comes home one night, dropping his bag on the sofa in their shared Garrison quarters.

“So,” Shiro says, turning towards him. “What did you think of Keith?”

Shiro had been talking about Keith for weeks now, filled to the brim with excitement about this child who, from what Adam had heard, seemed very hectic.

Adam sat down next to Shiro. “He seemed very excited. Took the news well.”

Shiro had told Keith that he and Adam were dating. Keith lit up like a Christmas tree, introducing himself to Adam with a handshake, eager to make a good impression.

“See, I told you. He’s a really good kid- and an incredible flier! I’ve never seen anyone like it.”

“That would be what you focus on.” Adam laughs and slips their hands together. Shiro smiles softly.

“I’m glad you like him.”

“Of course I’d like him.”

“He’s had a hard life. I hope the Garrison will be good for him.”

“Hard life?”

Shiro turns to face Adam and looks at their hands.

“Yeah, he was in foster care. Nobody could handle him.”

Adam knew he was in foster care but not why.

“His mum left and his dad died. He was all alone.”

Adam’s breath catches. He looks in Shiro’s eyes.

“I guess he reminded me of you, in a way.”

Shiro will never forget the day Adam’s dad died. They were in their second year at the Garrison and Adam left for a month.

He was parentless, as his mum had fled to who knows where shortly after Adam was born. The only reason Adam could even come back was that it was a boarding school and his sister Myra had just turned 19.

“You’re too good, Takashi.”

“I try. Can I kiss you?”

“You know you can.”

They kiss softly and Shiro thinks that this is how he wants to spend the rest of his life.

With Adam.

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“Takashi, we’re not kids anymore. We’re going to get in trouble.”

“Shhhh.”

Shiro had his hand on Adam’s wrist, leading him down the familiar halls of the Garrison (where they were now teachers) just as they did eight years ago as kids.

It was 23:00. They’d be in trouble if they were caught, but Shiro wasn’t planning on getting caught.

“Quickly.”

They were both in pyjamas and fluffy socks. Adam was tired and rubbing his eyes and Shiro was brimming with joy. And nerves.

They ascended up the stairways giggling, before bursting into the cold night air.

It’s just how they remember it as kids.

Shiro led him to a spot in the centre of the roof. The moon and the stars twinkled ahead.

“Oh my god, Takashi.”

“Ta-da.”

There was a white blanket spread out on the floor with a picnic basket in the dead centre. Two unlit candles sat at the front, and a single rose at the back.

“Oh my gosh you’re such a sap.”

Adam was grinning as Shiro sat down and patted the space next to him.

“Well you always used to complain about the lack of food so this time I planned ahead. Sandwich?”

“Yes please.”

They hadn’t done this in years. Adam was lighthearted and happy.

“Do you remember when we first came up here together?” Shiro asked, looking at the stars. His black hair was shaved at the sides (which was new) and soft and mussed on top.

Adam smiled. “Yes. You kissed me.”

“I kissed you.” Shiro grins into his shoulder. “I also gave you the most embarrassing confession ever.”

“It wasn’t embarrassing, it was sweet.”

“It was a little embarrassing.”

“Okay, just a bit.” Adam smiles. “You also told me I could call you Takashi.”

“Oh yeah. I completely forgot there was a time you didn’t call me Takashi.”

“I was so honoured. I thought I was going to cry.”

“You did cry.”

“It was a big moment!”

They kissed softly, Adam’s hand on Shiro’s neck and Shiro’s in Adams' hair.

Shiro pulled back, eyes half-lidded and whispered, “ask me why I brought you here.”

“What?”

“Like all those years ago. Ask me why I brought you up here.”

Adam’s lips fell open and he stared into Takashi’s eyes before asking, breathless, “Takashi. Why did you bring me here?”

Shiro pulled his hands out of Adam’s hair and reached into his pocket, pulling out a small, black box.

He got on one knee. Adam’s hands covered his mouth.

“Adam. Will you marry me?”

Tears welled in Adam’s eyes, and when he moved his hands away a smile was in their place.

“Yes,” he whispered, nodding his head. “Takashi, yes, I will marry you, yes.”

Shiro breathed out a laugh and pulled out the ring (a simple gold band. It’s what Adam would have wanted.)

“Give me your hand,” Shiro whispered and Adam obliged.

He slipped the ring on, crying now too. It was a perfect fit.

“Oh my god.”

He kissed Adam’s finger where the ring now was and Adam flung his arms around Shiro’s neck, throwing him back onto the blanket.

They kissed for what felt like hours.

Adam pulled back and whispered, “we’re going to get married.”

And Shiro said, “I’m so happy I could burst.”

“We can have a family together,” Adam whispered, smiling and a sob of glee escaped Shiro’s throat.

“You want that? With me?”

“More than anything. Do you want a dog?”

They were no longer kissing but laying side by side on the blanket, legs tangled and hands grasping. Their noses were touching.

“We can have a dog.”

“Do you want children?” Adam asked in a whisper and Shiro smiled, tears streaming down his cheeks.

“I do. I want children with you.”

They laughed and pulled each other closer, tears leaving tracks down both of their faces.

“Takashi I love you so much. You’ve made me the happiest person in the world.”

Shiro traced his cheeks, leaving kisses wherever he could reach.

“Together. Forever.”

They breathed happiness into each other's mouths, love into each other's lungs, and the starlight rendered them eternal.

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“Takashi, how important am I to you?”

The question had been ringing in Shiro’s head for days, Adam’s voice haunting him.

If he goes on the mission Adam will leave him.

If he doesn’t go on the mission he’ll die feeling unfulfilled.

Today was his final attempt at reasoning with Adam, or he risks losing him forever.

Adam has work today while Shiro’s been taken off to prepare for his Kerberos mission, along with Sam and Matt Holt, so Shiro is sitting on the couch waiting for him to come back home.

At around 22:00 the sound of keys jangling in the door alerts Shiro to his boyfriend's presence.

After Adam opens the door he doesn’t say anything to Shiro, merely placing his bag on the table and removing his jacket.

“Adam,” Shiro starts. “We have to talk.”

“No, Takashi. We don’t.”

“Don’t be like this.”

Adam rounds on him, already heating up.

“Don’t be like what? Upset? Hurt?”

“Don’t be angry that I’m going after my dream! You know how much this mission means to me. I’ve only got a few years left walking- this could be my only chance!”

“I thought I was your dream! I thought you wanted a life with me.”

Adam breathes heavily and Shiro can’t look at him.

“You know I want a life with you, but I’ve worked for years for this. Finally it’s paying off. You can’t expect me not to go after everything I’ve worked for. The missions only a year- it’s not like I’m going forever.”

“Takashi you could die out there! Leaving the atmosphere puts extreme pressure on the muscles, who knows what it’ll do to you!”

“I would never stop you from doing this. I thought you of all people would have supported me!”

“Support the death of the man I love?” Adam’s crying and frantically wiping at his tears, although his anger is clouding everything. “You’re leaving me. I can’t go through that Takashi- not again.”

Shiro wants to stop. He doesn’t want to fight with Adam. But he can’t give up everything he’s worked for over ten years, not when he’s this close.

“If you die out there I would never forgive myself. If I didn’t try everything in my power to stop you and you died I wouldn’t ever recover. Do you not understand?”

Shiro’s shaking.

“What about the wedding?” He whispers.

Adam stops for a second and then looks away.

“I’m not making you choose between me and the mission. I would never do that. If you want to go then go, but I won’t be here when you get back. You can’t put me through this.”

“You don’t want to marry me?”

“I want to marry you more than anything, but you’re throwing your life away. We’ll never last like this.”

Shiro wipes the tears away from his eyes, focusing all his attention off into the corner of the room. Of their home.

“I understand.”

“So what is it?”

Shiro doesn’t look at Adam.

“I have to go.”

Adam lets out a pained sigh. Shiro refuses to look.

“I thought so.”

The hurt in his voice turns Shiro’s attention to him, and Shiro can see he’s crying heavily and looking to the ceiling (what he does when he tries to hold himself together, Shiro knows).

“Adam I- I love you so much. More than anything. I’ll come back- I swear it.”

Adam lets out a self-deprecating laugh and walks towards Shiro.

“I know. I love you so much, too. It’s just not enough.”

Shiro sobs and Adam takes his cheek and kisses him one last time.

It tastes of salt and tears and both of them are crying too hard to really savour it, although Shiro is forcing himself to remember every second, knowing he may never get this again.

When they pull away Adam doesn’t say anything, just gives a sad smile and walks out the door.

His keys are on the table, and in the centre lies his wedding ring.

Shiro sobs for hours.

.

.

.

“Shiro Shiro Shiro Shiro do you want to play truth or dare with us?”

Shiro is currently seated on a couch in the lounge of the Castle of Lions. The rest of the crew is sitting in a makeshift circle on the floor ready to play truth or dare, which is a common way for them to pass the time.

“Uh, sure Lance.”

It’d been a while since he’d really relaxed anyways.

“Okay so, who’s going first?” Hunk asks. “I vote Keith.”

“No way, youngest first,” Pidge says and then turns to Keith. “Keith, truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

“Hmmm, okay.” Pidge ponders for a minute. “Let Lance style your hair and you have to keep it for the rest of the game.”

“Okay, that’s easy.”

“Aww yesss,” Lance says and walks on his knees until he’s behind Keith. Allura passes him a hairband.

Keith doesn’t say anything while Lance plays around in his hair, completely ruining it on purpose and tying random tufts together. Shiro notes how Keith’s eyes close under Lance’s hands.

“Aw Keith, beautiful,” Lance laughs as he steps back to admire his work. Keith’s face is clearly not amused.

“Is it my turn now?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, Allura truth or dare?”

“I would like a truth, please.”

The game continues for a while until it circulates to Lance having to prank call Coran.

“Shiro, truth or dare?”

Shiro briefly considers. “Truth.”

Lance grins, clearly having wanted this answer.

“Do you like-like someone here or on earth?”

He doesn’t even hesitate. “Yes.”

This is clearly the answer Lance wanted, “no way! Who?”

Shiro smiles and shrugs. “Sorry, Lance you’ve already asked your question. Hunk truth or dare?”

Everyone looked to be relatively shocked besides Keith (although Keith still looked surprised, as if he had thought Shiro would have forgotten about Adam by now. Shiro doesn’t know if he’ll ever move on.)

The team all tried to turn on him, asking him “truth or dare” way more frequently than anybody else in the circle. It was actually starting to get to him, reminding him of how he and Adam weren’t together anymore.

“Guys he doesn’t want to talk about it. Just leave it.” Keith interjects.

“I’m going to bed. Goodnight.” Shiro says. The more he thought about Adam the more upset he got, knowing that it had been years and Adam had most likely moved on.

Keith had checked up on him after a few hours to make sure Shiro was okay, but Shiro had insisted he was fine. Keith eventually left for bed.

A small time later there was a hesitant knock on his door.

“Come in!” Shiro called.

The door opened and Lance walked in looking somewhat guilty.

“Hey, Shiro.”

“Hello, Lance. Everything okay?”

Lance nodded, seemingly debating to talk or not before deciding on talking.

“Shiro, I’m really sorry about the game. We kind of harassed you and you were clearly uncomfortable and it was just wrong.”

Shiro breathed out deeply and smiled softly, patting the space next to him on the bed. Lance obliged and sat down.

“His name’s Adam.”

Lance’s eyes bulged and he turned to face Shiro. “What?”

“The one I love. His name is Adam.”

Lance breathes out slowly and then turns his attention back to the wall. “Oh.”

“We’ve been together since we were sixteen, but we liked each other way before that. We were actually engaged.” Shiro smiles and looks at his hands. “You guys didn’t make me uncomfortable asking the questions.”

“Is he back on earth then? He must be worried sick.”

Shiro looks around. “We broke up the day before I left. He didn’t want me going in case I got hurt. Ironic, right?”

Lance’s eyes widen. “That was years ago. You still love him?”

“I do. With every piece of me.”

“Well, then, he’s probably missing you as much as you miss him then.”

Shiro smiles. “I can only hope.”

They sit in silence for a minute before Lance pipes up again.

“And it’s okay? To like boys?”

Shiro’s eyes widen slightly.

“Do you?”

“I- I don’t know.” Lance stammers fiddling with his hands, clearly nervous.

“No, there’s nothing wrong with it Lance. Adam and I had a beautiful relationship.”

Lance smiles a bit. “Are you going to tell the team?”

“Keith knows already. It just never came up in conversation, really.”

After talking for a while Lance decides he should head to bed.

“Sorry again Shiro. And thank you for uh- for talking to me.”

“Anytime, Lance.”

Lance nods his head, and then smiles nervously, and then takes off down the hallway.

Shiro lies in bed staring at his ceiling, trying to remember the memory of Adam besides him.

.

.

.

“We’re going home.”

Shiro almost weeps with joy.

.

.

.

When Shiro’s lion touches the ground on earth in the near vicinity of the Galaxy Garrison, the place that formed most of his positive childhood memories, all Shiro could think was I hope Adam is here.

The rest of the Lions drop down beside him and open up, revealing the brave warriors' everyone has been waiting for. Shiro can only pray that Sam Holt managed to get enough word out for it to reach Adam, or that Adam even watched the tape he sent.

Cameras are flashing in every direction as the random civilians are eager to document these phenomena. The crowds aren’t huge but there are enough people that Shiro feels uncomfortable.

“Mama!” Shiro hears Lance call from beside him and watches him take off running through the crowd. A woman who couldn’t be over fifty is pushing people out of the way to reunite with her son. They’re both in tears.

Sam Holt isn’t present to welcome back his children as he’s presumably in the Garrison only a few hundred meters away, but Colleen is there waiting, frantically calling out to her children.

A woman calls out “Tsuyoshi” and Hunk’s running into the hoard of people before Shiro even gets the chance to see his mum.

Keith and Krolia eventually begin the walk down the walkway knowing that nobody is there waiting for them. Allura, Romelle and Coran also begin the descent down the stairs and people are captured with their clearly alien qualities.

Shiro eventually begins to make his way down the stairs too, resigned to the idea that Adam really had moved on, and Shiro had to accept it.

And that’s when he sees the figure sprinting out the door of the Garrison towards the quickly cultivating crowd of people.

He would recognise Adam anywhere.

He’s coming. He’s coming for me.

Shiro takes off running down the stairs, tears already forming in his eyes as he begins pushing away the crowd, desperate to find the love of his life.

“Shiro?” Allura asks to his right, and all the paladins give him inquisitive looks but he has no time to explain.

“Shiro? Where are you going?!” Keith calls out, but Shiro doesn’t respond. All he can focus on is that Adam is here, somewhere,and that he was going to find him.

“Adam!” He yells into the crowd, frantically turning his head. “Adam?”

“Takashi!”

Shiro turns his head, tears welling in his eyes just hearing his name being called. He follows the voice.

“Takashi!”

He turns around.

And there, standing in front of him in Garrison uniform, with his glasses askew and his hair in every direction and a wedding ring around his neck is the only man Shiro has ever loved.

“Adam,” he whispers, and then takes off running to him.

“Takashi,” Adam chokes, pulling Shiro into his arms.

Their chests are pressed together and their hands are trying to pull each other impossibly closer, and Shiro is breathless by the proximity and from pure love.

“Your hair,” Adam laughs, running his hands through it. “Your arm! What happened?”

“So much happened,” Shiro says laughing. “I’ll tell you everything later.”

“I thought you died out there, Takashi.” Shiro’s cheek is in the palm of Adam’s hand. “I was so worried. I thought you died.”

“You waited,” Shiro whispered through tears. “Adam, you said you wouldn’t wait.”

“We both knew that was a complete lie.”

“I didn’t,” he cries, their foreheads now pressed together. “I didn’t think you would wait for me.”

“I would do anything for you.”

Shiro swallows and stares hard at Adam. His hair is longer, and his jaw softening. His freckles are still there, and his glasses have changed again. His hair is curly.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Yes,” Adam cries, “Takashi, please kiss me.”

And Shiro presses their lips together harder than he probably ever has before.

They’re both crying and laughing, so as far as technicalities go it isn’t the best kisses can do, but for Shiro ,he knows that this kiss is his favourite.

He tightens his arms around Adam’s waist and lifts him, Adam’s legs automatically wrapping around Shiro’s waist. He laughs to the sky as Shiro presses a single kiss to his neck and laughs too.

Adam leans down and presses their foreheads together, laughing and crying and experiencing every emotion a human can.

“Takashi I love you so much. So, so much.”

“I love you too.” People are gathering around them but Shiro only has eyes for Adam. “You are my favouritest person.”

He spins Adam around and they both laugh, Adam throwing his head back and Shiro hiding his in Adams chest.

“I’m never leaving again. Not without you.”

“That’s all I’ve ever wanted to hear.”

Shiro puts Adam down and pulls them together into another crushing hug.

He was never letting go of Adam again.

.

.

.

“Are you nervous?” Keith asks him, adjusting Shiro’s tie for him and smiling slightly.

“Terrified.”

Keith laughs and says, “Shiro, this will be the happiest day of your life. Enjoy it- you deserve it.”

The church music starts. Adam is going to come through the door any second now.

“What if he changed his mind? What if he doesn’t want to marry me any more?”

His best man smiles. “He loves you Shiro. You know that.”

“He loves me.” Shiro whispers and closes his eyes, waiting for the second Adam comes through.

The door in front of him opens wide and Adam walks in, looking as beautiful as the day Shiro met him.

He didn’t have a fatherly figure to give him away after his dad died, so his older sister Myra is walking down besides him. They’ve put aside their usual pettiness for this one day.

Shiro’s eyes are already watering, and he remembers the first day he met Adam.

He was sitting in his desk in some class at the Galaxy Garrison watching students filter into the classroom when he saw the most beautiful person walk in. He wore glasses, and had brown skin and perfect hair and sat in the most difficult spot in the class so Shiro couldn’t watch him all lesson.

And now he’s walking down the aisle, promising himself to Shiro for eternity.

Shiro’s breath catches. Keith whispers, “it’s okay to cry,” besides him and Shiro does.

Adam finally reaches the end and Keith and Myra sit down, and Shiro instantly reaches for Adam’s hands. Their friends laugh.

“You okay?” Adam whispers.

“Brilliant.”

Shiro wasn’t religious, but Adam wanted a church wedding to commemorate his dad, who was an avid Christian and also Adam’s biggest supporter.

“We are gathered here today to support the union of Adam Akaash Manoj Laghari and Takashi Shirogane and join them together in Holy Matrimony.”

“Adam, do you take Takashi to be your husband, to live together in holy matrimony, to love him, to honor him, to comfort him, and to keep him in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?"

He smiles. “I do.”

Shiro shuts his eyes.

“Takashi, do you take Adam to be your husband, to live together in holy matrimony, to love him, to honor him, to comfort him, and to keep him in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?"

“I do,” he whispers, voice breaking.

They’ve written their own vows. Adam goes first.

“Takashi Shirogane. I have never loved another person the way I love you.”

Shiro squeezes his hands, looking into Adam’s eyes. Adam smiles.

“I was so nervous when I first met you because you seemed to be everything I wanted to be, but you were so kind and incredible and within weeks I was closer to you than I ever was to anyone. You showed me your vulnerabilities, and you held me when I cried, and you never once made me feel like I was anything less than worth it.”

Shiro is holding himself back from kissing Adam right now. He looks stunning, and he’s filling Shiro’s chest with an impossible warmth just from his words.

“For three years I pined after you, convinced you would never feel the same. I remember that night when you snuck me out of the Garrison to look at the stars, and I know Commander Iverson is here today so I’m so sorry sir.”

Everyone in the church laughs and Iverson waves a pretend fist in the air. This is the first that team Voltron will hear about the details of Shiro’s love life.

“I remember when you asked if you could kiss me and I thought my chest was going to burst. You told me that I could call you Takashi and that somehow meant even more.

I remember you proposing to me in the same spot we kissed, and how I thought there was nobody on the earth luckier than I.

And people say you don’t know what you have until it’s gone, and it’s true. Because I already loved you as much as I thought I could, and then I thought you died, and I knew a piece of me would have died with you.”

Shiro’s chest is ready to burst. He wipes away one of Adam’s tears.

“But you came back to me. And after everything, you still loved me. And I know that this feeling won’t go away; not now, not ever.

So I promise I’ll always be there when you need me, because nobody has ever made me feel as special or as wanted as you do. I will always support you, and take care of you, and I’ll always do the washing up when you’ve had a bad day because I know how much you hate it. When you’re sad I’ll always be there to kiss and when you’re happy I’ll be there to celebrate, and I will never stop loving you, no matter what.”

He finishes his vows and worries his lip between his teeth. Shiro smiles and rubs circles on Adam’s hand, mouthing “I love you” to him. Adam smiles.

“Takashi, your vows?”

Shiro clears his throat.

“Adam Akaash Manoj Laghari, from the moment I saw you, I knew you were special. For so long I’ve tried to put into words exactly what I feel for you, but after ten years I finally think I have the words to do so. Or at least to try.

You walked into our first class at the Garrison and I thought you were the most beautiful person I’d ever seen.”

A tear trickles down Adam’s cheek.

“We were roommates and I was so in love with you it hurt. I remember you lying asleep in bed and I would just watch you, in a completely not creepy way, because you were just so captivating. And it would hurt because you were so close.

And then when you let me kiss you, I don’t think I’ve ever felt so happy before, because here was the kindest, warmest, most gentlest person I had ever met wanting to kiss me?

I told you about my disease, that I probably wouldn’t be able to walk after I turned 25, and you told me it didn’t matter because it was still me. I remember you called me brave. I’ve never forgotten that.

You trusted me enough to tell me secrets and about the things that were hurting you. I remember the days where you would crawl into my bed in the evening, and I remember when that just became our thing.”

Adam his fingers over Shiro’s knuckles. Shiro could barely breathe through the tears.

“When I went to space I thought I had lost you forever, and guilt ate away at me every single day because of the things I said. But I came home after years and you ran to me, and you kissed away my tears and loved me when I couldn’t even love myself.

Proposing to you was the happiest moment of my life, until this day. We laid in bed talking about the dogs we were going to get and the children we would have and kissing so much.”

Adam laughed and wiped away his tears. They both knew this would be emotional but it really is a lot.

“I didn’t even know if I was capable of loving, and I never thought that I’d be gentle enough to love you. But after everything we’ve been through we’re standing here together. You were my first love, and you’ll also be my last. I am blessed to have you.

So I promise you that I will love you through the thick and the thin, and I’ll never leave you alone because you deserve so much better. I’ll always switch a light on before we sleep because I know it makes you feel better. I will always leave you the crust of my pizza because I know that it’s your favourite part, and I promise that every day I spend with you I will enjoy.

I’m always going to look forward to coming home to you at the end of the day, and I’ll always be sad leaving you at the start. I promise that I’ll love our dogs and our children that we get, and I promise that I will make every day we spend together worthwhile for as long as we both live.”

They’re both in hysterical tears at this point, but smiling and laughing too.

Hunk and Lance stand up and cheer, clapping loudly, which makes Shiro look over at them and smile.

He’s never felt so completely happy.

“Can the best man bring forward the rings, please?”

Keith stands up from his seat and Shiro notices he’s crying too. They smile at each other, and Keith hands the rings over to the priest.

“Adam, can you place the ring on Takashi’s finger and repeat after me.”

Adam carefully picks up Shiro’s ring and slides it onto Shiro’s finger, smiling gently.

"I give you this ring as a token and pledge of our constant faith and abiding love."

“Takashi, can you place the ring on Adam’s finger and repeat after me.”

After this they will be legally and officially married. Shiro doesn’t hesitate and Adam laughs.

"I give you this ring as a token and pledge of our constant faith and abiding love."

The priest says “I would ask you to join hands but-”

Shiro and Adam laugh, looking at their already desperately-clutching hands.

“By the power vested in me I now pronounce you husband and husband. You may kiss one another.”

They don’t hesitate for a second before joining their lips together, keeping one hand entwined at their sides.

Everyone breaks out in cheers and shouts of celebration but Shiro can only focus on Adam. His husband.

This is his new favourite kiss; with Adam’s hands in his hair and with them smiling so wide they can barely keep contact and with their friends and family supporting them every step of the way.

“I love you,” Adam whispers as they pull apart, their foreheads touching.

“I love you too. So much.”

They had been through so much, for so many years.

Together they celebrated and they hurt, they laughed and they cried. They loved and they made up and they kissed, and they had always done it together.

And they ran up the aisle hand in hand, with their family and friends cheering them on and celebrating the couples joined happiness, and Shiro finally believes that he will be able to do anything as long as Adam is by his side.

Adam, his husband.

Adam, his favouritest person.

Adam, the one who he had loved and kissed and experienced every possible emotion with.

Adam, his one and only love, who he was never going to let go.