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“Alright, how about this,” Lance said, sprawled upside-down on the couch and kicking his legs lazily up in the air. Pidge thought he looked ridiculous. “Name a movie that made you cry as a kid.”
It was a quiet evening for the paladins. They’d just spent several days trying, and finally succeeding, in freeing another planet from the Galra. With the help of the natives’ they’d managed to be victorious, but even though no one was badly hurt on this mission (the worst being Lance who sprained his ankle, got it fixed within a few hours of being in a healing pod, and whined about it for several hours after that) it was unanimously decided that they needed a day or two to rest and cool down after being “on” for so long. Thus, this evening found the paladins just taking a break together in the common area.
No one really seemed to be up to doing much of anything. Coran and Allura had even already departed for the evening (though Pidge doubted either one was actually asleep, considering how little rest the Alteans seemed to need. Sometime when she got a moment she’d have to talk to one of them and come up with a direct ratio for how much sleep Alteans versus humans needed).
Keith and Pidge were the only ones actively doing something, even if Keith was just sharpening his blade and Pidge was tinkering around with what she was referring to as Rover 2.0. Shiro was sitting in a chair by himself, looking more relaxed than he had been lately (Pidge put that down to everyone being together, healthy, and safe for the moment). Lance and Hunk were chilling together on a couch, even if Lance was constantly switching between upside-down and right-side-up. At some point Lance had started asking various questions about movies to the group just to have something to talk about, which led to where they were now.
“Oh man,” Hunk groaned. “Which movies didn’t make me cry might be a better question. I bawled the first time I saw The Lion King and Mufasa died. Iron Giant too, at the end where he sacrifices himself? Still gets me. Oh, and WALL-E? I mean, half the time I cried ‘cause it was so sweet, but that still counts I would think. Not to mention…”
Lance laughed and pushed him a little with his foot. “Alright buddy, how about saving some for the rest of us?”
Hunk chuckled. “Sorry. Didn’t ever take much to get me emotional with movies. Shiro, how about you, any movie you remember getting really sad at?”
Shiro seemed to think for a moment. “The main one that I can remember was Toy Story 2. When She Loved Me, you know? I saw it for the first time when I had just finished that stage of thinking I was too old for toys and kid’s things, so seeing that play out, and then feeling guilty about it? Really got to me at the time.”
“Oh, yeah, definitely, me too,” Hunk said. “Add that to my list.”
“Honestly, the Toy Story Franchise created way more guilt than I think was necessary,” Pidge said, turning a screw on Rover 2.0. “Definitely messed a lot of kids and adults up.”
“True, but that’s what makes them good,” Lance countered. “Even if it did mean that I could never make myself get rid of any of my toys. Good thing I always had younger siblings to give them to.”
“Did Toy Story make you cry, Pidge?” Hunk asked her.
Pidge thought for a moment. “No, not that I remember. Honestly, I’m not sure that any movie did? When I was younger I usually saw movies with Matt, who spoils literally everything.”
“I can attest to this,” Shiro nodded. “One of his many qualities.”
Pidge continued. “So I never got to worried or sad, because I knew it would turn out okay, you know? Then when I was a bit older,” Pidge focused again on her robot, “I had other things on my mind.”
That moment had the definite potential for awkwardness, but Lance, whether reading the situation expertly or not at all, plowed through. “Keith,” he asked not a second after Pidge responded. “How about you? Any movies manage to break through that icy heart of yours?”
Keith sighed at him. “If there were any movies that made me cry, I don’t remember them. I’d actually be surprised if there were any.”
“Really?” Hunk asked surprised. “Not even one when you were really little?”
“Heartless, the both of you,” Lance said, waving off both Keith and Pidge, still upside-down.
“I’ve told you, I didn’t watch a lot of movies growing up,” Keith said defensively.
“Yeah, and what about you, Lance?” Pidge asked. “Bet Mr. Hotshot over there would never admit to crying to a kid’s movie.”
“Actually, there was one,” Lance said, crossing his arms. “It was…” he hesitated a bit, and finally rotated to sit up on the couch. “Well, did any of you guys ever see Pooh’s Grand Adventure growing up? The Search for Christopher Robin? Woah, head rush,” he added to himself, holding his head.
Pidge, Keith, and Shiro shook their heads, while Hunk scrunched up his face in thought.
“Maybe?” he said. “The title seems familiar. I might have seen it once, but I don’t remember.”
“That’s fine,” Lance said. “It wasn’t a big hit or anything. But my younger brother loved Winnie the Pooh growing up, and this one was one of two Winnie the Pooh movies we owned, so I saw it like once a week for a year straight.”
“Wow,” Keith said. “I don’t know whether to be impressed or sad.”
“Yeah, when a McClain gets obsessed with something, we go all the way,” Lance said. “Anyway, that’s the movie that would get me as a kid.”
“Wait,” Pidge said, looking skeptically at Lance. “You’re telling us that the movie that made you cry was Winnie the Pooh?” Pidge laughed, and Keith chuckled a bit.
“No,” Lance said defensively. “I’m saying Pooh’s Grand Adventure: The Search for Christopher Robin did.”
“What about it was that sad?” Hunk asked Lance. “Most of the Winnie the Pooh stuff I saw was laid back, relaxing, and peacefully happy.”
“Well, it’s not the whole movie. Mostly just this one song.” Lance tried to explain “You see, Pooh and his friends are looking for Christopher Robin, and they can’t seem to find him anywhere, and they keep getting into danger, and now they’re all lost. So it’s night and everyone’s trying to sleep, but Pooh can’t, cause his misses Christopher Robin too much, right? So he sings this song and, I dunno man, it gets to me.”
Keith looked disbelieving. “I still have a hard time believing that a Winnie the Pooh song of all things can actually be that sad.”
“Oh yeah?” Lance said. “Well challenge accepted. Prepare for feelings!” He threw his arms open wide as though he was going to disperse sadness straight from himself to the others.
Hunk sighed, though fondly. “Lance, do you even remember the words?”
“It’s been awhile, I’ll admit, but I think I have most of it,” Lance reassured him. “You don’t watch the same one hour movie dozens of times without learning most of the dialogue.” He looked at Pidge. “Unless you happen to have that film…?”
Pidge shook her head before he even finished the question. “Nope, I pretty much just have the main Disney lineup.”
“Then this is the only way, Hunk.” Lance sat up straight and cleared his throat a few times. Everyone had heard Lance sing before (that boy seemed to not be able to stand silence) so this wasn’t anything too new, but Pidge still stopped her tinkering for a moment to listen (mostly so Lance couldn’t complain later that her small bit of noise was the factor in not making Keith cry).
Lance began quietly. “Come out, moon. Come out, wishing star. Come out, come out. Wherever you are.” His voice was soft, and not for the first time Pidge admired how into it Lance could get when he was singing.
“I’m out here in the dark, all alone and wide awake. Come and find me. I’m empty and I’m cold, and my heart’s about to break. Come and find me.”
Up until this point Pidge was only half-listening, but as Lance began his next line, she slowly started to pay more attention, as it began to remind her of… something.
“I need you to come here and find me. Cause without you I’m totally lost. I’ve hung a wish, on every star. It hasn’t done much good so far. I can only dream of you. Wherever you are.”
That was it. Pidge didn’t believe in wishes, she believed in action, plans, and making your own change. It was why she had a hard time appreciating some of the older princess movies. But, if she was being honest, there were times, right after her dad and Matt had disappeared, and sometimes even now, when she would catch herself staring out at the stars, wondering which one they were around, and hoping, no, wishing, that they were near the closest star to her.
Lance was still singing. “I’ll hear you laugh, I’ll see you smile. I’ll be with you, just for a while. But when the morning comes, and I open up my eyes, I will lose you. Because it’s just a dream, when I open up my eyes, I will lose you.”
That too. Pidge had lost track of how many times she’d dream about reuniting with her family, sometimes having ones that were even better (no, worse) where it was like they’d never been separated at all. It always took her a few moments waking up from these dreams to remember, and once she did she was quick to get up and start working on something else that might aid in her search, but for a few moments until she did it was like losing them all over again.
Lance kept going, his voice stronger now. His focus was more on Keith than Pidge, and everyone else’s on Lance, for which Pidge was grateful, as it meant no one could see the emotions she was sure were clear across her face. “I used to believe in forever. But forever is too good to be true. I hung a wish, on every star. It hasn’t done much good so far. I don’t know what else to do. Except to try and dream of you, and wonder if you’re dreaming too, wherever you are.”
“Wherever you are,” he softly repeated the last line.
“Alright man, I get it,” Hunk said, sniffing. “That got to me a bit.”
Pidge stood up slowly and made her way out of the room as Keith said, “Yeah, I can see how it’s supposed to be sad, but I didn’t really feel it.”
“What? After that awesome rendition? You should be bawling your eyes out, Mullet. Shiro, back me up on this.”
But as the rest of them looked around they noticed that both Shiro and Pidge were gone.
Pidge hadn’t gone far, just down the hallway towards the nearest window, which is where Shiro found her, staring off into literal space.
“Pidge,” Shiro said gently. “Are you okay?”
Pidge rubbed at her eyes a moment before replying a bit gruffly, “I’m fine.”
Shiro sighed. “Katie…”
“I said I’m fine!” Pidge said, wheeling around to face Shiro.
They looked at each other for a moment, before Shiro wilted a bit.
“Well I’m not,” he said.
“...what?” Pidge asked, not sure if she had heard him right.
“I’m not fine,” Shiro repeated, turning to look out the window himself, as if it was easier to speak without looking at someone. “That song… it got me thinking a lot about those we’re missing. Your family,” he said gently, glancing at her. “I think about Matt and your dad every day. It pains me not knowing where they are, if they’re okay. And even though it hurts to, I can’t stop hoping that somehow one of these days we’ll find them and be together again.”
Shiro turned and looked fully at Pidge. “I was their pilot. Their partner. I have no idea how much harder it must be for you, their family.”
Pidge blinked hard a few times, before slowly reaching out and gripping Shiro in a tight hug.
“You’re their family too, Shiro,” she said into him.
“We’ll find them Pidge,” Shiro replied, hugging her back. “Wherever they are.”
When they returned, the topic of conversation had moved onto movies that scared them as kids, with Lance and Keith bickering about the scariness of Hefalumps and Woozels. They didn’t seem to notice Pidge and Shiro’s absence or return, but Hunk didn’t miss a thing. He took one look at Pidge’s face, and excused himself, returning minutes later with a plateful of space-cookies he’d managed to make (and more impressively, hide from Lance) earlier.
As they all started to doze off in their seats, bellies full of cookies, Pidge took one last look around at them all.
It was hard, and she didn’t think it would get any easier. But it helped to be with family while looking for the rest of it.
Pidge laid back, relaxed, and for her last waking moments, felt peacefully happy.