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Getting struck head on by a bus wasn’t exactly as difficult as it sounded. You just stood there, and then it hit you. Easy as that.
Gine Linetti loved easy. She was all about easy. If it required minimal effort, she would do it. Unless that thing had fantastic recognition and reward at the end, she wouldn’t bother. That’s why she started Twitter beef during her shifts instead of doing actual work. Because Gina Linetti wasn’t going to waste her time doing something hard and unfulfilling. No. Easy task, big reward.
So, logically, she should have enjoyed getting hit by a bus. Easy to do. And you get lots of attention for doing it.
That wasn’t so.
As soon as she got hit, she blacked out. Nothing was visible. Her phone flew out of her hand, and honestly, that was what she was most concerned about. She didn’t have much time to be concerned before she fell to the ground, dead.
Before she knew it, she woke up. But not on the sterile environment of an emergency room, but sitting at a desk in a room she had never seen before.
”Huh?” She blinked a couple times. “Okay, this isn’t my home, the precinct, or a Starbucks... Yeah, I don’t think I want to be here.”
There was no one else in the room with her. She stood up, easily enough.
”Okay, so I wasn’t kidnapped.” She scoffed. “Good. Whatever ransom they would make for me would have to be tripled, anyway.”
Squinting, she looked around. She knew that she was dead. Gina distinctly remembered getting hit by a bus, and normally, people didn’t survive that. But now she was here, without a scratch.
”Hello?” She said, looking around. “Hey, so, like, I know I’m dead.” She said to empty air. “And I thought I’d be met with like, Freddie Mercury or something?”
No response. She groaned.
“Or like... an angel that looks like Brendon Urie, and has the voice of Janelle Monae.”
Still no response.
She flopped back down in her chair. “God.” She muttered. “Death is so boring.”
Without a sound, a door to her left opened up. A woman walked out, wearing a long judge’s robe. She looked almost surprised to see Gina there.
Furrowing her brow, the woman spoke. “Ah, I didn’t have any appointments today. You’re going to have to file one if you want to be here.”
”What reports do I have to file if I don’t want to be here?” Gina asked, inquisitive. “Because I kind of have things to do, and I don’t know why I’m here.”
”Well, I would have to assume you’re dead.” The woman said, sitting down in the chair behind the desk. She folded her hands in front of her.
”Even the great Gina Linetti has her limits.” She said wistfully. “Not even I could have stopped that bus.”
”A bus!” The woman grimaced playfully. “Yikes! How grisly!”
”Yeah, I’ll bet it was real nasty.” Gine scrunched up her nose. “But looks like I won’t be there to see it.”
The woman laughed and bobbed her head. “You know what? I like you, Gina Linetti.”
”Who doesn’t?”
She smiled. “And you said you wanted to get out of here?”
Gina groaned. “Yes! Death is so boring so far.”
”You’ve only been dead around... a minute, I’d say.”
”Still. I have been greeted by no flights of angels, and I really would appreciate that. If you could make it happen.” She crossed her fingers.
”Not exactly, no.”
”What?” Gina groaned, let down. “Aren’t you like, God, or whatever?”
”Nah.” She waved her hand absentmindedly. “I mean... I was around at the creation of the universe and all that stuff, so maybe. Whatever floats your boat.”
”Consider my boat floating. So,” Gina leaned forward in her seat. “Could you do me a solid, sis?”
”Well... I was just about to start binging Stranger Things, but I think I could take your case real quick.”
”Will that get me out of here?”
The woman shrugged. “We’ll see. If you’re gone for good, I’ll send you to the Good Place, or the Bad place.”
Gina held up a finger. “Nuh-uh. No to both of those. I’ll take the Great Place, thanks.”
After a moment, she laughed again. “Man! You’re scrappy, lil miss thang!”
Gine have her an award winning grin. “Back atcha, lady.”
”Please, call me Gen. I’m the Judge around here.”
”Well, please, Ms. Gen. Judge away.” Gina urged her. “Get that big ol’ Book of Gina and take a looksy. I recommend my highlights— from prologue to epilogue.”
”I don’t need a physical file,” Gen explained. “I can absorb all of the events of your life— and I just did.”
”Neat.”
Gen sighed, and put a hand on her heart solemnly. “Gina, Gina, Gina. What a piece of work you are.”
”I know.” Gina rested her arm on the back of her chair, comfortable. “I truly am the world’s masterpiece.”
“Absolutely. Ugh!” Gen clenched her fists and smiled excitedly. “I’ve been waiting for someone like you!”
”That’s what everyone tells me.”
”You are one bombastic gal.” Gen sighed. “Everyone else I get here is so! Boring! They’re always asking me ‘what’s the meaning of life’ or ‘will anyone remember me after I’m gone’? Ugh!”
”Yeah, lighten up!” Gina encouraged her. “What kind of a person questions their existential meaning?”
”It’s like, ‘Hey man, I just want to do my job, then go back to watching Cheers.’ Right?”
”Yes!” Gina exclaimed. “Exactly! I know exactly what you mean! I used to work with a real bunch of lame-oes—“
Gen held up a finger, smiling mischievously. “Girl, you don’t even need to tell me. I absorbed your entire life. I know exactly what you mean.”
Gina laughed. “So you get it!”
”I get it!”
The two laughed for a little while, Gina becoming more and more comfortable with the fact that she was dead and talking with an odd pseudo-god who really liked sitcoms.
Gen sighed and wiped a tear from her eye. “Oh, Gina Linetti. It is sad to see you go.”
”Aw, already?” She pouted. “But you’re like, the best person ever. Second only to both me and Beyoncé.”
Gen pouted back in return. “I know. I feel the same.”
Gina sighed, and looked away in thought. “Do I have to go to the Good Place or Bad Place?”
The judge shrugged. “Well, there is a Medium Place. But you’re too good for that, huh?” She playfully jabbed an elbow at her.
Gina sighed again. “That’s not what I mean, Gen.”
She perked up. “What do you mean?”
”You saw my life,” Gina explained. “And I have people who I work with. Family. Friends. I mean, everyone is basically incompetent without me. I am the only one holding the Nine-Nine together.”
Gen nodded in agreement.
She groaned after a moment. “And my dance troupe would fall apart without me. And Jake’s gonna probably die, too, without my guidance. And I know that Amy’s gonna lose her way if I’m not there to properly steer her.” Her voice was thick with irritation.
Gen crinkled her brow. “Gina.”
”I’m basically Rosa’s rock and sole confidante. Captain Holt’s not gonna have anyone to gossip with anymore. Terry’s basically already in love with me, and it will break his heart when his betrothed is dead. I don’t want to be a widower.” Gina was beginning to talk faster.
”Gina—“
”And Boyle, with all his stupid jokes and gross innuendoes is going to be so lonely. So lonely and sad. He’s like a kicked puppy.” The words began spilling out of her, and her voice cracked.
Gen reached a hand over the table and placed it on Gina’s shoulder, gently. She smiled warmly.
”And, Like—“ Gina sniffed, suddenly overcome with emotion. “I’m gonna miss those losers.
”And they’re going to miss you.” Gen assured her.
”As great as frolicking with Marylin Monroe and Alexander Hamilton would be,” Gina rubbed at her eyes. “I think I wanna stay alive.”
”Nice Hamilton reference.” Gen joked.
”Oh my God, have you seen it?” Gina piped up. “It’s the best!”
”I know!”
Gina laughed, rubbing at her eyes some more and clearing her throat. “Uh—“ She began to say that she just had an eyelash in her eye when Gen stopped her.
”Don’t worry.” Gen said. “I didn’t see anything.”
”Good.” She choked out, regaining her posture. “Because you are a fabulous person, I and I would hate to drop you as a friend, like, right as I met you.”
Gen grinned. “Sorry. But I think this may be the last time we see each other for awhile.”
”No!” Gina whined. “I wanna stay but a I also wanna go! Is there cell service in the afterlife? Do you have a number?”
”No, I don’t have a phone.”
”What?” Gina said, offended. “What kind of person doesn’t have a phone.”
”Technically, I’m not a person. I’m a personified concept.”
”Ugh, now you’re just getting boring.”
Gen chuckled. “I’d better send you home before you fall asleep.”
Gina sighed. “Alright, Fine. You’re the boss.”
”Gina Linetti,” Gen said sincerely. “The world’s brightest star will not burn out today.”
Gina smiled. Gen smiled back.
”See you around, sis.”