Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

When Elliot arrived in the Sunborn kitchen that afternoon, it was only after half-a-dozen false starts. In fact, he considered turning around again. Only, it was going to get dark soon, and Elliot was poorly equipped for walking back to the wall in the dark. And the cold.

“You’re here.” Luke looked more wary than excited.

“I can leave.” Elliot replied. “I know you didn’t invite me here.” In a way, it would make all his decisions much easier. If Luke didn’t want him here now, maybe he should go back to England and take higher math.

Luke’s mother didn’t let him make that choice. “Don’t be ridiculous, Funny Face. You’re always welcome here. It was quiet without you and your music.”

Elliot smiled in the way he seemed to reserve for people like Luke’s parents or Serene’s extended family. “I brought a new tape that I think you’ll like. But.” He looked back at Luke, “Like I said, I don’t have to stay.”

Luke shrugged. “You’re already here. So.”

Elliot looked uncertain still. He shifted, like he might be leaving, and Luke growled, “Stay. Mom will want to hear the tape.”

Elliot put the tape in the player, which Luke’s mother had proudly left on display in the kitchen. It was slightly melty around the edges, but it still whirred to life when Elliot pushed the button, and Luke watched from the side of his eyes while Elliot danced with his mother around the kitchen and sang, “When I had you to myself, I didn’t want you around.”

Luke’s mom looked jubilantly happy, but she looked that way often. It was Elliot’s face that Luke felt he needed to look at sidelong or be blinded.

The problem with Louise being home this time was that she had decided she needed to make Luke’s life unbearable.

“Hey, Little Red,” she called as Luke and Elliot lounged together in a window seat. It had been one of the most triumphant moments of the previous summer when Elliot had told Luke to shield him from Adam, tapping his leg almost fondly with his ball-point-pen. Getting a near repeat of the moment without even having Adam around seemed too good to be true.

“What are you doing?” Luke asked Louise suspiciously. She had both of her hands behind her back, and he smelled a sneak attack.

“Well, Red likes to read, doesn’t he? I brought something for him to read.”

Luke’s heart pounded. He wasn’t sure how he knew, but something about her expression…

“Louise, you don’t have…”

“All those letters you sent home first year,” Louise grinned, pulling a stack of letters from behind her back. “I thought Elliot would have fun reading them.”

Luke felt the blood drain from his face. No. “Haha, very funny, put those silly old things away,” His voice came out in more of a squawk than he intended. He was trying to play it off as though it wasn’t a big deal, because if it seemed like a big deal, Elliot would be far more interested. But Elliot could not see those letters.

Elliot was holding one hand out to Louise for the letters, and Luke clenched his jaw. He knew how Elliot felt about physical force. He’d have to stop Louise before they made it to Elliot. He got to his feet and dashed toward her, but he wasn’t expecting her to be just as committed. She dropped under his outstretched arms and deposited the stack of letters on Elliot’s lap, and Elliot dropped a hand over them protectively.

Luke didn’t know how to react, but he didn’t think he could handle being in the room while Elliot read those letters.

“I’m going to bed,” he snapped. “Enjoy your reading.”

Chapter Text

Dear Mom, Dad, and Louise too I suppose,

I have been at training camp for one week now and it is almost as I expected it to be. I thought there would be more serious soldiers here, but not everyone has been training with the three of you all their lives.

I have already made one friend, named Serene. She’s the best fighter here, and we always partner up for sparring and things. I think I will learn a lot from her. She’s also an elf.

Also, I’m trying to make friends with a boy named Elliot who is from the other side of the wall. I didn’t think he would stay at first, and I think we got off on the wrong foot over that, but he’s very clever and he’s also good friends with Serene. He suggested that we have a truce instead of a friendship, but I wonder if that’s just how people in his track start out? He’s got bright red hair and is so short that at first I thought he was younger than us, but I think he’s sort of touchy about that. I can’t wait for you to meet them at family day!

Love,

Luke

There had been nothing too incriminating in the first letter, Luke was pretty sure, aside from the obsession that had been growing since the very beginning. Still, he knew it would only get worse from there.

The next morning Luke woke early and went to the archery range, where he was unable to clear his head and managed to shoot the edge of the target more often than he had since he was six. Going in to breakfast seemed like a nightmare, but his stomach was starting to growl, and it would be rude to avoid his guest. Still. Maybe just a few more shots before he forced himself to face Elliot.

“Are you practicing hitting the periphery of your target for a reason, “ Elliot’s familiar voice asked, “Or is there something wrong with you?”

Luke jerked and another arrow slammed into the outer ring of the target. He lowered his bow. “What do you want?”

“I thought I‘d give these back.” It was the stack of letters. Luke held out a hand, and Elliot passed them over. “I didn’t read them. I kept thinking of how the whole war camp read aloud the letters I sent to Serene. These were meant to be private. So.”

“I liked those letters,” Luke replied. “The ones you sent to Serene.”

Elliot rolled his eyes. “Yes, I know, everyone on earth has told me how hilarious they were. I’m glad I brought some levity to the campaign.”

But Luke hadn’t liked the gushy parts about Serene. He knew that Elliot really liked Serene, even if he was completely weird about it, and that he probably wouldn’t want those bits read aloud. But he didn’t put an end to her reading the letters to him (honestly she’d just started by reading to him, it’s just that everybody was nosy about letters from home) because at the end, Elliot had always included something along the lines of, “Please look after Luke with your goddess-like skills. Don’t let him do anything stupid and get killed. I’m not trying to advertise it, but I’ve gotten fond of having him alive.”

Elliot had only written Luke one letter, but he’d mentioned Luke in every single one. It seemed like that should mean that Elliot cared about him. And when he’d returned, Elliot had pulled Luke right into the hug between Serene and him, and Luke had felt his heart swell with a feeling of fitting. But after that, it was right back to Elliot calling Luke a loser and staging allergic reactions to his face.

Luke put his bow away and walked back toward the house with Elliot, who was still rambling about letters. “After you left in such a huff yesterday, I assumed you didn’t want to me read them, and I figured it had to be because you said unkind things you didn’t want me to know about. Or that you made me sound pathetic and that’s why your parents were always expecting me to show up for things. But don’t worry, I don’t care what you said about me in the letters. It’s not like that was part of our truce.”

Luke sighed. The truce again. With the letters safe in his possession, he felt like he could offer a shred of honestly. “I liked the letters you sent to Serene because you always mentioned me, too.”

Elliot stammered, “O-oh. I forgot. I was so busy being mortified that the whole camp heard all the other content, I forgot to spare some embarrassment over my preoccupation with you surviving.”

Luke snorted. He’d been sure that Elliot would be crowing this morning over the discovery that Luke had been trying to make friends with him since they first met, but Elliot had given the letters back, unread. Elliot was the one who was uncertain.

Luke did not want Elliot to read the letters from his childhood. They were too unfiltered. Taken as a collection, they were too obvious. Too painful. But maybe he could find a way to share a little bit of honesty with Elliot.

If only he was like his mother.

“I’m so glad you came this summer, Elliot. It hasn’t been the same without any of the cousins or you and Serene around. Too quiet. Luke’s been spending too much time moping around and reading.”

Elliot gave Luke an appraising look. “I find it difficult to imagine Luke spending too much time reading.”

Luke didn’t read that much, especially not where his parents could see and worry about him, but occasionally he had questions he needed to answer. Or things he was curious about, or—

“I was actually thinking about not returning this year.” Elliot replied, as if this was a normal response.

“What!?” Luke managed to spit out half a mouthful of oatmeal. “You mean to my house, or—“

“I was thinking about staying on the other side of the wall.” Elliot was staring blankly down at his bowl, and Luke overflowed with questions.

“Why would you—now? I can’t believe you would—without saying goodbye to Serene or me.”

Elliot shrugged. “I’m here, aren’t I?”

Luke felt sick. Yes, Elliot was sitting here at this table, close enough to touch, talking about leaving them forever like it was not a big deal. Luke’s mom looked sufficiently concerned, her eyes flicking between Elliot and Luke.

Louise was being even less subtle. Mouthing, “Say something,” to Luke.

“Is it because Serene and you broke up?” Luke croaked. “Because that’s stupid. That’s a stupid reason to leave the whole world.”

Elliot looked unbearably sad, but he shrugged. “Nobody likes me much in either world, but at least the other one has central heating.”

Louise’s eyes narrowed. “You didn’t read the letters I gave you last night, did you?”

“I hardly think that reading several pages of Luke complaining about me would have improved my attitude about the issue.” Elliot cocked his head. “Actually, there’s very little that could improve my attitude about anything. I have a notoriously poor attitude.”

Louise looked baffled, but it was Luke’s mom who knocked Elliot’s spoon out of his hand and clutched both his hands tightly. “I don’t know how to make this any clearer to you, Elliot. I know you’re a clever boy, but when it comes to this, you seem to need extra lessons. We love having you here with us. We love hearing about the hijinks you get up to with Luke and Serene. We love you, Elliot.” And then, of course, she dropped his hands and clutched him close to her chest for so long that Luke was becoming mildly concerned about Elliot’s ability to breathe.

“Thank you,” Elliot said politely when he was released, and he finished his oatmeal in silence.

But knowing now that Elliot almost hadn’t come back, Luke found himself preoccupied with Elliot’s happiness. He dragged Elliot to the library and plied him with several books about mermaids that he had found. Elliot played along and read the best parts aloud, but there still seemed to be something off about him. He only called Luke a loser once, and when Luke intentionally mispronounced leeward, Elliot didn’t say anything.

Chapter Text

Dear Mom, Dad, and Louise,

Could you send me a dictionary from our library at home? Elliot’s so clever and says so many things I don’t know that sometimes it’s hard to keep up. I’m sure with a little studying I can understand what he’s trying to say and we’ll get in fewer rows. Or you could just bring those when you come for parent’s day in a few weeks. Bring enough for Serene and Elliot! Serene’s family won’t be able to come, and Elliot’s family is on the other side of the wall. Actually, he never talks about his family. I get the feeling sometimes that he might be sort of lonely.

But he still doesn’t seem to want to be friends with me, exactly. It’s a bit frustrating. The more we get to know each other, the more I realize that he’s the sort of person I’d like as a friend, and the less he seems to like having me around. He’s sort of fragile in some ways, I think because of his life on the other side of the wall, but actually he’s tough in ways that surprise me all the time. Like, he’s very stubborn. It’s sort of an art form the way he’s stubborn. Anyway, maybe if I can speak his language, I’ll be able to talk him out of this “truce.”

Serene and I are going to swear an oath over a tree stump and become bonded as brothers-in-arms. She calls it sword sisters. It’s amazing having her at my side whenever we’re training, and I know neither of us wants to be without the other in battle, ever. It’s like we’re meant to be together, to have each other’s backs.

Love,

Luke

That afternoon, Luke received a letter from Serene. He ripped it open, hoping against hope that she’d written she was coming to visit. She might be the only person who could make Elliot perk up and be normal, although Elliot hadn’t been exactly normal with her at the end of the year, after the break up. Would it take them getting back together to make Elliot happy? Maybe it would be worth it, although that had been the worst. Luke had barely seen Elliot for the entire five weeks they’d been together, except for the times that he was trying not to get sick over their public displays of affection. But if Elliot would stay, maybe Luke could find a way to work around that.

But that was not what the letter said. Luke’s uneasy feelings intensified. “Elliot? Read this.”

He shoved the letter at Elliot and jumped to his feet. He paced in front of the desk they were stationed at while Elliot read the letter. Serene was in trouble. The elves had gone into battle against human outlaws. He had to go to her. It was his duty to always fight at her side whenever she faced battle.

“I have to go to her,” he announced. “She’s in danger, and I have to be at her side.”

“I know you can read, loser. Did you miss the part about how you cannot join her because the elves will see any human interference as an act of aggression?”

“It doesn’t matter. I won’t take the whole camp with me, I won’t tell anyone, and I’ll join her quietly. They have to allow me, I’m her sword sister.”

Elliot waved the letter, enraged. “This specifically says ‘Luke, I know you will want to ride out and join me, but you must absolutely not do so. My family will see this as a betrayal. Please, I crave the support of you, and Elliot when he returns, but only from the safety of camp.”

“I need to be with her. She’s in danger.”

“I understand how you feel,” Elliot responded. “But we’re not going to do exactly what she told us not to and make the situation worse.”

Luke paced feverishly. “You don’t understand how I feel. How am I supposed to stay here and do nothing while she could die and I wouldn't even know?”

Elliot looked at Luke out of the corner of his eye, “How do you think I feel when you two are off fighting in real battles and I won’t even find out for days if something horrifying happens to you? I know it’s unpleasant. That’s why I worked so hard to broker that peace treaty.”

You two. You. He could have said Serene. “You…worry about me when I’m in battle?” Luke obviously worried about Elliot anytime Elliot was in the vicinity of battle, but that was different on several levels.

“I thought,” Elliot said in his usual annoyed tone, “That we had already covered this today.”

It wasn’t an answer, but it was enough of one.

“Stop smirking about it,” Elliot groaned. “Go back to worrying about Serene, please.”

That was effective. The smile dropped from Luke’s lips. “What do you suggest we do, if not go to her aid?”

“Write her back. Find out all the details you can about where they are, what the aim is, and if there's a leader of the forces for us to parley with.”

Luke nodded. That sounded like a job for someone in the Council classes, but in a pinch, he’d have to do.

But even after he’d finished the letter and sent it on its way, he didn’t feel any better. Elliot looked over the top of his book at him as Luke paced while running his fingers through his hair.

“You know, when you do that thing with your hair, it increases my allergy to your face by about 15 percent,” Elliot said.

“I can’t sit still. How can you just sit there and read, knowing—“

Elliot cut him off, standing up and shoving the book into Luke’s hands. “I know you’re not much for words on papers, but what does that say?”

“Um. It’s 'A History of Elven and Human Conflicts,'” Luke answered.

“Now, which one of these things is going to help Serene more. Pacing around and giving oneself a premature bald spot, or studying previous conflicts like the one she is currently experiencing?”

“It would be better if we could actually do something,” Luke growled.

Elliot sighed. It was one of his theatrical sighs, which always made Luke wince because they were nearly always designed to remind Luke how annoying he was without using any of those exact words.

“If you give me fifteen minutes of peace to finish reading about this conflict, I’ll let you make me run around the garden or do pushups or whatever horrifying physical torture will distract you.”

It wasn’t so much the promise of being able to train with Elliot later that calmed Luke down. It was that he was willing to offer that in the first place.

Elliot collapsed on his stomach when they’d finished running, which was extreme, because Elliot had become a decent runner since Luke had been training him. Not as quick as Luke or Serene, of course, but if he had a footrace with the other kids in the war track, he’d beat most of them. Maybe all of them.

After a moment of silent melodramatics, Elliot heaved himself onto his back and looked up at Luke. “Stop smirking like that. It makes you appear even less intelligent.” Elliot only seemed satisfied when Luke looked upset. “Never mind. You should be happy now, loser. I got fifteen minutes of peace to read and you got two hours of making me do pointless physical tasks. I got out-treatied by someone in war training, and I was coming up with the terms.”

Elliot allowed Luke to help him back to his feet, but he wrinkled his nose in disgust. “Something smells awful. Is that you? Is it me? What I wouldn’t give for running water.”

“I’ve told you before, Elliot, we’ve got rivers and streams, same as—“

“Shh, shh, shh, Luke. Go back to mispronouncing words. It makes you sound smarter than trying to talk about my side of the wall.”

Elliot might not actually be able to use a bow, but he’d just hit the mark twice in a single breath. Luke was used to the comments about how stupid he was, but…”Your side,” he repeated.

Elliot looked a little startled. “I mean, the other side. The side I come from.”

“The side you nearly stayed on.”

Elliot winced and looked around as if Louise or Rachel would appear and interrupt. No such luck. “I told you, I’m back. And it’s nice of your mother to make it seem as if I’d be missed, but I know things would continue just fine without me here.” His voice sounded more brittle than it usually did. “I even—I had a boyfriend for a bit. I thought one person wanting me in that world was enough. It more or less outweighed here.”

“But you got tired of him,” Luke’s voice croaked on the word him. He was internally running through a thousand questions, but this was the one coming out of his mouth, “and decided to come back?”

“He dumped me,” Elliot responded. “But I was still going to stay.”

There was nothing to say to this. Luke was still trying to be sure he’d heard correctly. Elliot had said he. He’d said boyfriend. Not that it mattered. Luke just hadn’t known—Elliot had never said anything about—

“I packed and unpacked my backpack four or five times. I actually called a taxi once. Yesterday morning, once I got over the wall, I actually turned around and started walking back.”

Elliot looked miserable, and Luke remembered that he was supposed to be cheering Elliot up. But the letter had come, and Luke had gotten so wrapped up in his thoughts of Serene, and Elliot—Had Elliot been the one cheering him up?

"It’s a good thing you’re here.” Luke finally scrounged up enough words to respond. “If Serene wasn’t coming back to school and you hadn’t shown up... I wouldn’t have known what to do.”

Elliot squinted at him. This is what he usually did before making some comment about Luke’s face being unsightly, but in this case he seemed to be at a loss for words. “I need to wash up before dinner. Not everyone wants to smell like you.” With that, he stood up and stalked off.

After dinner that night, when there were still hours of daylight and Luke was trying to take his mind off grabbing a horse and riding out to find Serene, he said, “We have a swimming pond.”

Elliot did not respond to this in the slightest, so Luke tried again. “It’s really nice weather for swimming, and the pond is all warmed up from the sun.” Elliot did like to stay warmed.

“I’m sorry,” Elliot said, looking directly at Luke. “Were you saying this for my benefit?”

Luke gritted his teeth. “Do you want to go swimming? No one’s around, so I could teach you to swim without anyone seeing.”

Elliot seemed irritated. “I know you don’t hear me when I speak, but I have told you before that I know how to swim.”

Still, instead of retreating to the library, Elliot accepted the towel that Like offered and walked just a bit behind Luke to the pond. Luke quickly peeled off his shirt and splashed into the pond, then turned around to see if Elliot would, in fact, follow.

He was standing there, having removed his shirt, with his elbows tucked into his sides, shooting a glare at Luke. “Stop staring at me,” he snapped.

Luke quickly jerked his head around, never mind that he’d only just glanced back and Elliot was the one who’d already had his eyes trained on Luke. Never mind that earlier Elliot had said his boyfriend had broken up with him, so he couldn’t be too repulsed at the thought of a boy looking at him without his shirt on. Just Luke, probably.

Maybe the swimming thing had been a bad idea. Because as strong as the compulsion to look away and avoid Elliot’s anger was, Luke wanted to look back. He could hear the splashes of Elliot starting to dip his feet into the water.

He wanted to look back at Elliot. And it wasn’t as if Elliot was some chiseled statue of a man. He was no Dale. But there had been something about him standing there, almost shrinking into himself. Something vulnerable and protectable, something…that he most definitely needed to stop thinking about.

Luke tried to avoid looking back for all of Elliot’s lengthy process of getting into the water. The sun was starting to dip towards the horizon, but there was enough warmth lingering to make the water feel good to Luke. Elliot, who had never been warm a day in his life, complained.

But at last Elliot got into the water and started paddling around, proving that he could, in fact, swim.

Chapter Text

Dear Mom (please don’t show this to Dad and Louise),

It’s a good thing I don’t have many classes with the council track. Elliot is distracting in every way possible. It’s not only when he runs his mouth and our teacher gets so confused that he has to sit down and take small sips from his flask. Even when Elliot can keep his mouth shut for a few seconds, it’s distracting just to have him there.

I thought things would be better between us after you came to visit. He seemed to like you all well enough, and I thought—I don’t know what I thought. That it would somehow transfer over to me? But that’s not the case. I’ve been reading and studying the dictionary you brought, but he hasn’t been impressed with me yet. More like amused. He has a very cutting laugh.

When I talk to Serene about it, she says that boys tend to make friendships more complicated than they need to be. Maybe she’s right. But I’m beginning to think that I should try being friends with someone else. There’s some boys on the Trigon team that seem friendly enough. I can’t remember any of their names just now, but I think some of them come from families dad knows. But even though I know I should just give up, I can’t stop bothering Elliot all the time.

Love,

Luke

As Elliot and he dripped their way back to the house in the early dark, Luke found it even more difficult to keep his eyes off of him. He tried to rehearse the lines he always used: that it didn’t do any good to dwell on impossibilities, that he couldn’t let this get out of control or it would stop him from even being near Elliot, that he had to look away.

“I was thinking,” Elliot said, “regarding our truce, for the upcoming year. That maybe we should have some new conditions.”

And before Luke could stop himself, he answered, “I hate the truce. I don’t want to have a truce with you anymore.”

Elliot’s step faltered, his gaze shot over to Luke and then back away. He stared ahead. “Oh. I guess that saves me having to negotiate. I guess—“ He paused. “We did originally only plan on keeping it up for a year. I anticipated you’d want out sooner. Consider the truce over.”

Luke opened his mouth, tried to piece together a response.

“I shouldn’t be here. Stupid. I knew it. I’ll leave tomorrow. I’d leave now, only it’s dark already.”

“Wait, Elliot—“ Luke didn’t have all the bits together, but he couldn’t just let Elliot leave without trying. “What were you saying about different terms?”

Elliot snorted. “Don’t worry, Luke. I’m not going to try to talk you into this.”

Luke felt the words like a blow, and he slowed his steps. What else could he say? That he’d go back to the truce if that was the only thing Elliot would accept? That he didn’t understand why Elliot was so livid at the idea of changing the terms of their relationship? That he needed Elliot to stay?

He couldn’t make Elliot want something else with him, even if something else was friendship. He couldn’t make Elliot care that leaving would hurt Luke. He could only watch as Elliot’s hunched shoulders moved out of sight and into the house.

Luke curled up in the window seat. He’d sat down with paper and some sort of half-baked idea that he could write down an explanation to Elliot and that Elliot would have to read it because it was a compulsion for him to read everything. But there was nothing to say. Elliot only wanted the truce, and Luke couldn’t pretend he wanted to go back to that.

Louise and his mother walked through the room, laughing about some joke they’d shared outside.

“Luke?” Rachel pulled up short. “What’s wrong?”

Luke did not want to start crying. He answered in a flat voice. “Elliot is going back tomorrow. Home.”

“He can’t leave!” Rachel frowned, “School starts in a few days, it’s not worth it for him to—“

“I don’t think he plans on coming back.”

Louise scowled at him. “What did you do?”

“I told him that I’m sick of the truce and I don’t want to do it anymore.”

Louise stamped her foot. “You are both impossible. You should have let him read the letters I gave him on the first night, and none of this would have happened.”

True. Elliot would probably have laughed in his face and then left then, which would have saved time. Luke just shrugged miserably.

“I can’t believe this,” Louise groaned. “I have to do everything myself. Mom, where’s the letter?”

Rachel’s eyes shifted away. “What letter?”

“The one from Commander Woodsinger.”

Rachel frowned, “I don’t think—“

Louise spoke over her. “I know you want to keep Elliot here. This is how we do it. Either I can spend the next few hours looking through your room for the letter and find who-knows-what else,” she shuddered, “Or you can give it to me so I can fix this.”

Fewer than five minutes later, Elliot was holding the letter in his hands, looking nervously from his mother and Louise to Commander Woodsinger’s no-nonsense script.

“I’m not going to read it with you both standing there staring at me,” Luke frowned.

Louise rolled her eyes at this. “Make sure you don’t blow it.”

With those inspiring words, she left Luke with the envelope.

Chapter Text

Luke burst into Elliot’s bedroom, where Elliot was sitting up doing—what else?—a little last minute reading.

Trying to keep the smirk from coming through in his voice, Luke announced, “You like me.”

Elliot glanced up. Luke was familiar with the flush that covered his cheekbones. He was familiar with all of Elliot’s expressions, but it seemed he’d been reading them wrong all along.

“What?” Elliot finally managed.

“You. Like. Me. As a human being. I have proof.”

And because Elliot respected logic and facts and proof, he held out the letter.

Elliot snatched it from his hands and read it over quickly.

Dear Rachel,

I understand your concern about Luke and the Schaefer boy. Elliot is a little off-putting to most people, but he and Luke (and Serene) do seem to be inseparable. I’m not concerned that Elliot will hurt your son. At least not intentionally. I recently interrogated him about what he loves, intending to find out where his loyalties lie in a military sense. But he wouldn’t give me any answer other than the fact that he loves Serene and Luke (although he told me never to share that information). The rest of us, like you and myself, fall somewhere lower in the hierarchy of his world, in the “really like” tier. I suppose we should feel honored to be included there. He is a particular boy with few loyalties, but you can rest easy knowing that Luke is one of them.

Sincerely,

Commander Woodsinger

“I can’t believe Commander Woodsinger…Where did you get this letter?”

“Louise. When I told her that you’d decided on going home.”

Elliot dropped the letter on the bench and swallowed hard. “Congratulations. You win, Luke. Everyone loves you.”

“Including you.” Luke couldn’t even try to match Elliot’s mood. He was too jubilant. He’d conquered.

Elliot couldn’t meet his eyes, and for once, he had nothing to say.

Luke thought of Louise’s parting words. Don’t blow it. He tried a softer tone. “I thought that you hated me.”

Elliot snorted. “You’re such a moron. How could I hate you? You’re Luke Sunborn. You’re the Trigon champion, the total package. Brains, brawn, and a heart of gold.”

That startled Luke. Had Elliot said brains?

“Then why do always act like you can barely stand having me in the same room?”

Elliot looked to the sky as if searching for an exit. “I figured it was good for you to have one person in the world who didn’t seem obsessed with you. Besides, it didn’t matter how I felt. We had the truce. I couldn’t expect you to…never mind. If I leave now, what is the likelihood that I will be eaten by something on my way back to the border? Because at this point, I’m beginning to think that’s preferable.”

Luke laughed. He couldn’t help it, Elliot was being so dramatic, and he felt so—what was the word for it?—effervescent. “Elliot. Don’t leave.”

Elliot looked awful. “I don’t see why you care. You’re the one who wants to quit the truce. And without that—“ He broke off with a tight shrug.

“I hate the stupid truce. I want—“ he choked on the words, “something else with you.”

Elliot plowed doggedly on in his awfulness, which was kind of his trademark anyway. “And what’s that? For me to become a part of the Luke Sunborn fan club while you and Serene play the heroes together?”

Luke wished that he’d brought the other letters with him to show Elliot now. He should have known what Louise did, that he hadn’t needed proof that Elliot liked him. Elliot already knew that. He’d already told Commander Woodsinger so. Luke was the only one who had needed convincing of that—what Elliot needed was proof of the inverse. Louise was terminally pushy, but she was also right.

Without the letters, he was going to have to improvise. “Which one of us is in the fan club for the other one? I learned your name the first time I met you, even though I’ve never heard a name like yours before. And you couldn’t remember my name weeks later to tell your council friends.”

He waited, thinking Elliot might have something to say to this. He did not.

“I’m the one who sat with you at meals, who found you whenever you were studying in the library, which no one believes that I know the purpose of, and convinced you to train with Serene and me.”

Still nothing but a gape from Elliot, but Luke was just gaining his stride.

“I’m the one who’s always pestering you to spend time with my family and come home for the summer. And I hated it when you were with Serene because you avoided me even more than normal and whenever I saw you two you were together and I can’t stand—“ Oops, time to backtrack. “I couldn’t stand that.”

Elliot blinked several times and managed, “What?”

“The truce was your idea. I wanted to be friends.”

Well, the words were out now. Maybe if he’d had the courage to say that when they first met, it would have been all right, but now it made him sound childish and pathetic. He waited for the cutting response.

And waited.

And continued to wait.

Elliot was looking at his book again, and Luke was overwhelmed with the sudden fear that Elliot had decided to ignore all of this and go back to his reading. But finally, eyes still on his page, Elliot muttered, “Is that still what you want?”

Luke hesitated. Elliot had just gotten out of a relationship with that boy on the other side of the wall, and before that, it was Serene. Luke didn’t want to be drawn close and then shoved away again so quickly. Besides, he’d only just found out that Elliot could stand his presence. He couldn’t hope for anything else. “Stay. Without the truce.”

Elliot still didn’t look up from his book, but he nodded just a fraction, and Luke felt the jubilation bubbling up in him again.

“I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

Chapter Text

Dear Mom,

Please don’t show this to Louise. Seriously. Shred it after you finish. Or burn it. Eat it if you have to, because we both know she’ll find it if you don’t.

I want to tell you why I disappeared after you came to see me in the play...

Being friends with Elliot made everything terrible. It made trying to focus during Trigon practice worse, knowing that Elliot was in the stands pretending not to watch. It made talking about his crush on Dale worse, because it hadn’t been a lie before, and now he couldn’t seem to keep his focus on Dale when Elliot was right there. And somehow, being friends with Elliot meant that Luke was now part of a theater production.

There were things it made easier. Luke no longer felt so out-of-place at lunchtime, wanting to sit with Elliot but feeling like it was an imposition. It also meant that Elliot had called Luke by his name a startling number of times, and that when he said something really mean, he would look guiltily at Luke to see how he was taking it. Now that Luke knew Elliot didn’t really hate him, most of the cutting comments just seemed funny. At least half of them, anyway.

But mostly, being friends with Elliot had removed Luke’s most convincing line of defense regarding not being obsessed with Elliot and, worse, telling Elliot about it. The most horrible moment had come after he’d been concussed with the Trigon ball. Elliot had propped him up and held a cup of water to his lips, and Luke had opened his mouth to tell Elliot that he liked him, and might even be in love with him.

“Elliot,” he started, “Don’t be mean.”

Elliot’s voice sounded soft and far away. “No. I won’t be mean.”

Instead of speaking again, Luke let the next words burn in his chest. If he spoke, he would lose this shoulder, this quiet moment. It was better to just drink it in for as long as he could. Even if this was all he ever got, it was something.

Serene agreed with him. At least, she agreed that if he spoke, he’d ruin everything. In a recent letter, she’d written that Luke shouldn’t “make any hasty decisions while recovering from a head injury.” And that Elliot thought about Luke, “as a treasured friend who he would never want to sully like Jason.” Serene knew them best. He should listen to her advice.

But it was so hard when Elliot leaned close to him with the paintbrush and delicately painted one lock of Luke’s hair blue. Luke couldn’t help but look up and smile. To be the center of Elliot’s attention and get his crooked, trouble-making smile back. This was enough. This would have to be enough. Even if the next moment involved walking in on Adara draped all over Elliot and Elliot running his fingers through her hair while kissing her.

He did not like that girl.

But Elliot had made it past all of his defenses, and now it was only a matter of time. On the night that they performed the play, after being surprise-kissed by Adara and listening to his family hooting in the audience, he felt ready to burst.

He found Elliot on the balcony, shirtless and shivering, but luminescent from the stage paint and the adrenaline of his performance. It would have been the perfect moment if Myra wasn’t there as well. Luke draped his jacket over Elliot’s shoulders and waited for her to take the hint.

And then, abruptly, Elliot dragged Luke inside and shut Myra out. Luke’s heart stuttered. Elliot knew they needed to talk. Just the two of them. Elliot had even been the one to initiate it. Maybe Luke wouldn’t have to say anything. Elliot finally had his eyes set on Luke, and Luke felt like he could fly.

And then Elliot spoke. “Here’s the thing. I like Myra. Romantically. I want to ask her out. Please go away so I can do that.”

Everything burst. How could he have been so stupid? If Elliot liked Luke, he would have said so. He always went for what he wanted, and it had never been Luke. He needed to get out of here. He needed to avoid seeing his parents, too. They’d have too many questions. “I didn’t know. I didn’t think—I’ll go.”

Luke was almost safely away when Elliot said, “I wanted to say, since it was the first, if you wanted it to mean something, it still can. I don’t think a kiss counts, unless you want it.”

There were some moments in life that just seemed too terrible to be true. But this was really happening. He hadn’t kissed anyone; Elliot was right. But all of this—from how he’d gotten everything wrong to Elliot talking about his complete lack of experience, was worse than embarrassment. He felt like he might catch fire.

“How do you know that it was...that I haven’t...I’ve kissed loads of people. Loads of times.”

It wasn’t convincing. Elliot was looking at him with sorry eyes. “I just mean, your first kiss can be whatever you want it to be.”

Something in Luke decided that he had reached maximum misery. There was no point in not telling Elliot anymore, because everything was already the worst. “Obviously not.” The words burst out of him, angry and disappointed and ready to wound.

“What?”

“Obviously it can’t, because the person I want to kiss is too busy going around kissing other people!” he continued. This was not good.

Elliot seemed genuinely confused. “Dale’s been kissing other guys? I thought he—never mind. Luke, if you tell him how you feel, I’m sure you two will get the happy ending and the ribbons and confetti and a perfect first kiss. You go talk to him, and I’ll go out on the balcony and try my luck with Myra. We can meet in the morning and discuss how everything always turns out perfectly for you and Myra probably hates me for leaving her out in the cold for the last five minutes.”

That was it, then. Turn around, walk away. Keep what you can. Elliot was trying to be good, and Luke wanted to punch him. “I don’t want to kiss Dale Wavechaser,” he exploded. “I want to kiss you, you—ugh! And I know you don’t want to, so I’m not going to. Go tell Myra I had a meltdown and have a great night with her, but don’t pretend I always get what I want.”

Elliot looked horrified.

It was time to make an exit. Luke turned around and started for the door. “Good luck with Myra.”

“Wait.”

Luke stopped walking because he had been hoping that Elliot would say that, but he did not turn around. He wasn’t sure what his face looked like, or Elliot’s, but it was probably better if they couldn’t see each other.

“You like me.”

The anger that had powered Luke was gone and he felt like an idiot for yelling. None of this was Elliot’s fault. But his voice still dripped out bitter. “Congratulations. You win, Elliot. Everyone loves you.”

“Luke?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Luke mumbled. There were footsteps behind him, getting closer, and his voice rose in panic. “In fact, don’t even think about it. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

But before he could turn stride away, there was a hand on his shoulder. Not enough to restrain him, just enough to be felt.

“I know I’m supposed to be nice to you now,” Elliot whispered, “but you are so stupid.”

It wasn’t exactly the message of comfort Luke had been hoping for.

“As of now, I believe I am the world’s foremost expert on the subject, and I can say with great confidence that your first kiss can be exactly what you want it to be.”

Luke looked over his shoulder, confused, and was met with Elliot’s face. Specifically, his mouth. It was a good thing Elliot was taller now, or he would have never been able to reach, but it was still an awkward position for a first kiss.

“That shouldn’t count, either,” Elliot huffed. “I can do much better than that. Turn around.”

Luke frowned and did not turn around. “I don’t want you to do that just because—this is stupid. Myra is waiting for you.”

Elliot laughed. It was his real laugh, which was harsh and also Luke’s favorite sound. Luke wasn’t sure what it meant right now. “I know you already think I’m fickle, and this is not going to help my case, but Myra can run away with the wolf. I did not previously consider kissing you to be on the table, but now that it is, I pick that.”

The awfulness was draining and being replaced by bubbles of shock and the same joy that he’d felt when he realized that Elliot, one of the few people whose opinion he actually cared about, actually cared about him, too.

Luke turned around.

Elliot was silent for a long minute, and then he said, “Is this what you want?”

Luke hesitated. He had a lot of questions. But Elliot was right there within his reach, and if there was even a chance--he nodded, and let a smile spread across his face.

True to his word, Elliot could do a lot better than the over-the-shoulder pre-first-kiss. He was also getting paint all over Luke’s shirt and hands, which was the only way that Luke knew it was real. In his imagination, Elliot wouldn’t have green and gold paint flaking off his chest.

Luke laughed, and Elliot pulled his face away from Luke’s for long enough to look concerned. “Luke, your whole family is here. They’ll want to hear all about the performance, and probably this, and—”

Luke cut him off. “They can wait. I’ll send them a letter.”