Chapter Text
Theon had a problem.
Really, Theon had many problems, not the least being that Balon was refusing to pay his law fees and the last thing Theon needed was trying to pick up extra hours at the Winterfell, his almost-family’s inn. In fact, it was his almost family more than his flesh and blood that was bothering him. More specifically, Robb Stark.
He had always distantly been aware that Robb was beautiful. He had played wingman often enough, able to charm ladies from all over the continent with tales of luscious red curls or soulful blue eyes. Still, the english major hadn’t really been on his radar until his recent catastrophic break-up with Roslin Frey. Catelyn Stark had doted on the little weasel more then Theon and Robbs other almost brother, Jon, put together. You could see the future marraige written in her wistful glances and soft smiles every time her son was in the same room as the Frey. Of course, when it turns out she was only in it because she wanted her fathers chain of dingy hotels to acquire the Winterfell property, it was hastily broken off.
Unfortunately, Robb managed to get his heart broken in the process. As Theon comforted his best friend, he preached about how Robb deserved better. After all, the ginger was kind, passionate, had a fantastic flair for english, was good with animals, unbelievable at sports, and somehow managed to remain almost entirely down to earth. At some point during that monologue, Robb had perked up, and at the sight of that half hidden dimpled smile, Theons mood plummeted.
He had a massive crush on Robb Stark.
The law student crashed onto his creaking bad that evening, letting loose a long groan as it sank in. The noise summoned Lyanna Mormont, the only other Northerner currently slumming it up in their dingy little corner of paradise. She took one look at him, and began to laugh.
“Oi!” Theon chucked one of their pathetic cushions at the government majors head, but she didn’t even have the good grace to stop laughing as she ducked.
“Don’t mind me. Just thinking of all the money Danny and Jaime owe me. Neither of them reckoned you’d figure it out before graduation.” She shook her head, leaning up against the wall and stifling the last of her laughter at Theons miffed expression.
“Has half the campus been betting about my love life, then?” said Theon, in a tone that was absolutely not whinging, thank you very much. “Oh no, more than that. Probably almost all of it except Robb himself, at this point. Even Professor Seaworth slipped me some pocket change. I did buy something for you with it, though.” The scholarship girl ducked out of the room. She came back with a bottle of rum in her hand, and sat down beside Theon to the bed springs loud protest.
“So, what do you plan on doing about it?”
~
So began the most hairbrained scheme of campus history, sure to be told and retold as part of the lore till the end of time. Very few people would say no to Lyanna Mormont, and those that would would be sure to reconsider when sweet Sansa Stark followed closely behind. By the end of the month, somehow, they had a full cast of prepared jurors for the trial of the century: Theon Greyjoy vs Robb Stark.
Professor Baratheon, due to a little bit of careful cajoling by Professor Seaworth, gave them access to the campus courtroom. Daenerys Targaryen had turned up the first day with her own gavel, and appointed herself judge. Lyanna had decided to represent Theon, with a strict “shut up” at the mans weak insistence that he could do it himself. On the opposite bench, Brienne had somehow convinced that pompous boyfriend of hers, Jaime Lannister, to sit in as the prosecution. Technically, he had only taken one law class as part of his business degree, but as Lyanna had taken none, they were on equal footing. Brienne herself had decided to act as some sort of bailiff, foreseeing the inevitable fight.
Their jurors represented all walks of life that were reasonably assured to show up- Margaery and Loras Tyrell, plus his boyfriend Renly Baratheon, for the inclusion of some popular people. Elia Martell, much like her favourite in-law, had simply turned up and refused to leave the jury box, citing her membership on behalf of the Dornish. Jaime tried to object, especially after Rhaegar was struck from the voting list for being “a bit of a crazy stoner, uncle, and also rather rude to Lia”, but she remained. Benjen Stark claimed to represent the staff, but realistically, he was here as the resident Stark. Tyrion and Mya Stone turned up, to represent the underdogs who would never hear such good gossip without a presence. Finally, with the addition of exchange student Ygritte Giantsbane, who wanted to see what all the fuss was about with Westerosi legal systems, they were ready to begin.