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Sleep didn’t come easily for him that night.
The woman in his arms shifted a bit in her sleep and he instinctively reached up to brush some dark brown locks out of her peaceful face, watching her for a moment or two. She didn’t wake up, fidgeted a bit more, but eventually finding her peace. Moving forward, pressed a gentle kiss into her hair.
The feeling of her body against his, her warmth, little movements, her soft skin against his were still new to him. So alien and yet so familiar, but he welcomed it and her in his life. When was the last time he felt like this? This… calm, peaceful… whole. When was the last time he let anyone close to him, shared things with that person? He couldn’t even remember.
He did many mistakes during his long life, too many to count. Lost too much. Jacob often wondered about his own humanity, was he still a human or hardened inside, losing the ability to feel more than being responsible for his people and the constant guilt what ate itself into his guts deeply. But she proved he can still feel more than pain.
When he first met with her in that icy prison Jacob knew she was one of a kind. A fighter, that was clear – someone who faced with many things but willingly face with more. A creature whom you cannot close behind bars, a fearful lioness with all her fangs and claws, ready to rip anyone’s heart out.
He saw her in combat and God… she was intimidating, but also fascinating. The angel of death, a predator and for a short moment he felt the urge to beg on his knees in front of her to spare him.
And now that lioness slept peacefully in his arms like a tame kitten. Lara had so many sides: the gentle and caring leader, a fearless fighter and killer, a young girl with full of doubts, the adventurer ready for her next trial. And he knew there is much more to discover about her. Will he have the time for that? To see every sides of her, to know her like no-one else does?
Thinking back to the beginning of this journey put a soft smile on his face. Honestly Jacob never really imagined he will fall for her. Hoped he can convince her to fight along with him instead of against him, because he surely didn’t want Lara Croft as his enemy, but never ever expected she will revive such feelings in him. How could a man like him feel love after so many catastrophes, so much death? He wasn’t the person his people needed and how he could be the person for a woman, like Lara needs?
He tried to keep himself away from her as soon as he felt the irresistible pulling. He really tried. But you just cannot say no to a Croft. She never demanded anything from him, but that only lured him closer and realized soon enough he was lost and hers – she just didn’t know yet.
Looking down at her Jacob wondered about did she know it by this time, but probably no. She was so confident with her mission, he rarely saw any person to be this driven, but when it came to the two of them, she was shy, almost timid. He understood she was someone who lost a lot as well and was afraid – just like him. They were both damaged, but slowly healed each other. And yet, he still had his doubts about his decision to make the first step toward this.
Years before he tried to keep himself away from Alya, tried to make the better decision. This time he did against his better judgement. Alya was one of his people and even if she didn’t know the full truth, she partly knew who he was, what responsibility he had and she accepted him just like that. Lara didn’t have that luxury; she didn’t know a lot about him. And it wasn’t fair with her. Because how he could be with her, when he had to lie to her?
His past was always in the back of his mind, like threatening blackness what can destroy everything. He got her for now, yes, and was incredibly happy with her and she seemed to be happy as well, but what will happen when he tells her the truth? Or worst – she finds out on her own? Because sooner or later she will, her sharp intelligence will cut through his cloudy answers, he knew that. Wouldn’t it be better if he tells her everything before that happens?
He scoffed into the darkness. Yes, yes it would be, he should do that, but he was too cowardly to do it and voluntarily destroy everything they have together.
Because what can happen after? He definitely won’t let her take the Divine Source away, no, won’t do that, not even for her. The mere thought of that makes him flinch and prays it will never happen – he had no wish to face her as his enemy.
She won’t stay with him here either, Lara made that pretty clear and honestly, Jacob knew it already. She was meant to achieve great things, not to live in the woods in the middle of nowhere. But letting her into the Soul of Chambers was also something he’d rather avoid, because there was a huge chance even for her to die and never return. And if she manages to get a hand on the Source, then what? What if she destroys it? Will he die with it? Probably.
Gently caressing the soft skin on her back along her spine, Jacob was wondering how his thinking changed under so little amount of time already. Death. It was something he craved for centuries by now, but with her at his side he was reluctant to rush into the arms of it. He finally found a reason to be alive and stay alive – if only Lara wouldn’t hate him, because he lied to her about almost everything.
“I hope you will forgive me. If not now, then one day.” whispered in a heavy voice, his hug tightened a bit around her for a moment. Was a happy ending for them out there? Even if he tried everything to avoid thinking about it, Jacob was realistic and the answer was probably a no.
A heavy sigh escaped from him. How, how a man like him, living thousands lives and will live thousands more is still capable to find love after so many horrible things he did? Losing Sofia then Alya wasn’t enough for him? The constant fear for his daughter, fearing he will lose her too and now losing Lara was on his list as well.
Every time she was heading out, he was worried for her, afraid she won’t return, silently repeated one phrase like a mantra.
‘Please come back to me.’
And he was so relieved when she did, it felt like putting down a huge weight, when he greeted her politely in front of everyone and later hugged her close in private and giving her kisses, to feel her well and alive.
But one day she will walk out of the valley and out of his life too and never comes back. And the thought of that pained him already.
“How I will survive without you?” asked but didn’t expect an answer.
Watching her face he was almost able to see what great things were ahead of her – she will give so much to the world and he couldn’t lock her into a golden cage just to keep her selfishly only for himself and see her wither more and more with the passing days. He has to let her go eventually.
Was she his punishment for his sins? This love he felt for her, this bittersweet happiness was a burden or a blessing? Felt like a bit of both. He was so scared of his emotions for years, isolated himself from everyone, he was almost dead but not really, a shadow of himself, lost in the labyrinth of pain, agony and memories. Stuck between two worlds: too alive to be dead, too lifeless to be alive. Cold and frozen inside just like the scenery around him and she was the burning fire, warm, full of life, almost destructive.
She hummed a bit in her sleep, probably dreaming something. Her smooth skin break under his fingertips as he came across one of her many scars – this one was a small reminder of Yamatai. Tracked it gently, not even minding what he was doing, too lost in this moment and in his thoughts. Maybe this is one of their last peaceful night, spent in his hut, covered with soft and warm furs, feeling her against him? God, please never let it end then. For a second, the idea of waking her up and make her as his crossed his mind, but she was so calm and deeply asleep, Jacob didn’t have the heart to actually do it, even if they were running out of time.
Trinity got closer day by day and Lara was about to make a decision of going into the city, to face the Deathless Ones and Constantine as well. Jacob could see the hesitation in her eyes, when they talked about it. She didn’t really want to do it either, but this was why she came for and Lara never forgot what was her goal, she was still driven and he know what her decision will be - Jacob knew her that much already to recognize how stubborn she still was about the topic. It was her mission and she needed to finish it. She will finish it.
And Jacob already accepted that. He will open the secret passage for her and let her do what she had to do. Because she was a fighter, a Goddess of Death, a protector, but mostly, all above because he loved her.