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Seeing Konstantin’s knifing Jonah in the side while she was out of reach and unable to help her friend was a nice part of her ‘worst experiences EVER’ collection. It was a massive third after finding her father shot himself in the head, blood still dripping from him and watching Roth die. It was her fault. Her fault.
Jonah was dying because of her.
Being that helpless was a pure torture, even when she managed to break her way through to him. Anger flared up in her, such a dangerous, destroying fire that no-one could stop. So she did what she was the best at: killed every Trinity soldier in that fucking prison, hunting them down one by one, making them pay for this. But that won’t help on her friend, she knew that.
Watching him slowly fading away and unable to help him was something Lara couldn’t really handle. No matter how many lives she takes it won’t give back Jonah’s life. No matter what she did she could only sit and watch how death slowly embraced him.
Something wet hit her cheek, wondering for a moment what that could be, then realized she was crying. When was the last time she cried? It wasn’t a too far away memory, losing Roth was still a very vivid picture in her head. But before that? Probably Richard’s death.
No, she couldn’t lose Jonah too. Not him too. Please, not him too.
“We can help him.”
The man said that to her she set free earlier, one of Jacob’s people, who watched over Jonah for her, while she let her rage out and showed her worst, animalistic face to the Trinity soldiers. Lara hated that side of hers and didn’t even notice she had it, until Yamatai, but it helped her to survive and also helped to the people she wanted to keep safe. Or she kept telling that to herself, but it was clearly a lie – she lost more and more friends ever since she stepped on this road.
Looked up at him, surprised. She knew death, she knew when a human being couldn’t be saved and Jonah was definitely on his path toward his end, she knew even if she didn’t want to accept it, but she knew it.
“How?”
“We must get him to the Observatory. To Jacob.”
She didn’t understand how Jacob can help Jonah now, but Lara was willing to try anything at this point. If he can do something for her friend, then she had to try, had to try everything to save him.
Getting back to the village was torturous. Jonah passed out and didn’t move on his own, not even once and Lara couldn’t help but think they will be too late, too late to save him, too late to do anything. Glued to his side followed the small Remnant team up to the Observatory, ready to strike at anyone who is not approaching with good will.
Jacob hurried to them, clearly worried. He looked at her first, just to see her being well, not reaching for her, but clearly wanted to. For short moment she longed for it, the feeling of his warmth around her, his calm voice in her ear, telling her nothing bad will happen, everything will be fine was so tempting, she almost forgot everything else. But the smell of Jonah’s blood, the noises of the people around them quickly reminded her to what happened.
“Jacob, he is dying.” The look on her face was something new, she was pleading now.
They told her he can save Jonah. Then please, save Jonah.
One look at his face was enough to be sure he knew it was a fatal injury and the time was short. He was always worried when saw someone injured, his people or not. Compassion was something she admired in him and knew there not much of that was left in her.
Lara watched him like a hawk, kneeling down and reaching for his pocket, using some kind of dust on the wound and then he started to - pray?
She knew some prayers of several religions, it was part of her studies back the UCL, but the one Jacob was using was totally unfamiliar for her - it was clearly Christian though. She knew he is or was a religious man. He wasn’t exactly like the modern priests or anything like that; he was like someone who had a firm faith and strong morals – that also pushed him into self-doubts and worry. These forged him into this strong and calm man she saw in front of herself and loved as well – it was like a calming balm to her wounded soul, he was someone she could lean on.
But never-ever saw him say any prayers. It was definitely a new experience and strangely intimate. But also popped the question up in her how that will help on Jonah – for her it was wasting the precious time and totally illogical thing to do. She took a quick glance at her friend’s face, checking his state and seeing how he slowly eased up, probably feeling no more pain and he looked like he relaxed a bit. When Jacob finished with the religious text and raised his hands: the wound…. was nowhere to be seen.
A moment of heartbeat. She stared at Jonah’s side, where the open, deep and bleeding wound was, seeing nothing else, just healed skin with no blood, not even a scratch on it.
That can’t be. That cannot be.
And still she saw it with her own eyes, saw Jonah being healed by praying and some kind of mysterious dust Jacob used on him.
No, it didn’t make sense. People are not healed trough religion. The Deathless Prophet’s legend came to her mind, a religious man who was immortal and able to heal the sick. Why the similarity?
Lara looked at Jacob, who turned his back to her, walked away, looking strangely anxious. Why he would be…?
Looking back to Jonah, her brain was on fire. It was like she looked at things in front of her but didn’t really see them and now she was wondering how she didn’t see it before.
Was her chest heavier than usual or she just imagined it? Was she reluctant to acknowledge the truth for the first time ever or it was too unbelievable for her to accept it? What it would mean to her… to them?
Raised on her feet, slowly walked after Jacob, each step felt heavier than the previous one, looking at him like this is the first time she was seeing him truly. Catching up with him on the steps of the Observatory, noticing she was slightly shaking, out of fear or nervous, couldn’t tell. Her pulse quickened, like every time she was after something, when she knew she was on the right track, but this time she didn’t feel the excitement, only the coldness in her stomach – something she often felt when she was edgy or afraid. Was she ready for this?
“Jacob.” She must be. “You were shot...” He was, when she brought back the Atlas and examined the old map, realizing where was the secret entrance to Kitezh. She remembered the falling ceiling, the noise, screaming, gunshots. Even the smells and the air, heavy with the dust. How she could forget the image of him, laying on the ground, bleeding heavily from wounds what looked to be way too serious to survive? He sent her after Jonah and she needed to go to save him, she needed to leave Jacob behind. His men were with him so she went – it was the only logical thing to do. But somehow what happened with her friend, the fear of losing him, another death was happening because of her just pushed everything out of her head. Now, calmer, she could also think clearer; even if Jacob avoided death he definitely shouldn’t look like this; like someone who wasn’t shot hours ago.
‘Deathless Prophet… healing the sick… the Divine Source what gives immortality… Kitezh…’
Fragments chased each other in her mind, fragments of a bigger picture, slowly fell into places, seeing everything as one, whole piece, but she didn’t like the final outcome.
‘Why I didn’t see it way before?’
He slowed down, avoiding looking at her, knowing very well this was the end of it – she knew. Of course she knew, Jacob expected no less from her.
“You are him, aren’t you?” No turning back now. “The Deathless Prophet…”
Lara didn’t even make it as a question.
Stopping, finally turned toward her. It was useless to lie to her anymore.
“I can feel pain. I can be hurt.” ‘Please, understand it.’ “I am human.” ‘I had no choice.’ “Save for a human ending.”
Suddenly the world around them slowed down – there were just the two of them. Was this really happening with them? Can he really be an immortal man who lived for centuries or he was just the Jacob she used to know? How he could be both? Was she so wrong about him and wanted to believe to him so badly she rather ignored the truth or he really mastered this kind of game and she was an easy target? Like a mouse for the cat, who played with his food, before devouring it. Was she truly this naïve?
The look on her face was something he never saw before – she was hurt and vulnerable, but in the next moment her self-defense mechanism kicked in and reached back to the only thing she could conceal her feelings with.
“And the Divine Source?”
Maybe that was the last bit of information she needed to know.
‘Please, don’t do this to yourself.’
Sighed, there was only one way this could go. “Something I found long ago. It is real and deeply powerful.” Something he tried to save everyone from. “But it is not divine.”
‘It only causes suffering.’
He watched as his confess sank in, confirmed everything she already knew, but hoped it is not true. Couldn’t even look at him, she let her eyes fell on the ground, having a moment to collect her thoughts or rather herself.
When she looked into his eyes again, Jacob noticed the wetness in them.
“So you lied to them…. and lied to me. About everything.”
‘No, not everything. Not everything…’
He wanted to tell her. Wanted to say it out loud. Wanted to protest. But he couldn’t. He did lie to his people and to her as well, but it wasn’t that simple. It never was that simple. He tried to explain that to Alya before, but she didn’t listen to him back then. Why Lara would listen to him, especially now? How he could explain everything to her, standing on the stairs of the Observatory with Trinity in their heels?
How he could be immortal and still didn’t have enough time for everything?
“Was this your way to keep me away from it? From everything? Kitezh and the Source?” Her voice was strained, barely could ask this from him, but she needed to know, needed to know if she was such a fool to believe him everything he said to her or something was true from it. But did it matter after all?
He must see that coming, she had every right to assume he seduced her for a reason – it still felt like a hit in the face. ‘Please don’t do that. I never lied about my feelings to you.’
How he could tell her that without hurting her even more? How he could convince her to believe his words now? It sounded fool even to his own ears.
Raised his hand toward her, tried to touch her, - to comfort her or himself by feeling her warm skin under his fingers? Couldn’t decide - but she stepped away from him quickly, practically growling.
“Don’t!” barked at him, anger burned in her eyes, mixed with hurt and sadness. “Don’t you ever try to do that again.”
Jacob could hear the silent threat from it. ‘Dare to touch me again and I will break your arm.’ She could have shot him down as well, it wouldn’t hurt him less.
“Lara…” he started weakly, but she wasn’t interested in anything he tried to tell her.
“I’ll help against Trinity as I promised, but I won’t give up on the Source. Then I’ll wait for Jonah to get better and after that I’m going to go home with him.”
‘And I will never look back.’
She looked at him for a moment, almost like expected some kind of answer to this, protest or begging, but eventually turned around and walked away from him, leaving him there alone, bare and broken.
She needed to get away. To get away from everyone. Forced herself to be calm and make one step after another, stopping herself to obey to the urge and run, run as far as she could. No, she won’t run, she will collect herself and walk, taking the steps downward, one another. ‘Just keep going. Just a bit more.’
Only when she reached the trees and left the buildings behind her, only when she was perfectly alone, was the moment when she let herself to be weak. Reaching out to lean against a tree, pressing her other hand on her mouth to muffle her sounds, gasping for air, trying to get rid of the choking feeling in her throat, but it didn’t fade away, only got stronger. How could he do this to her? How could he?
She thought… she thought…
Tears burned her eyes and this time Lara let them to find their way to the surface as the first sounds of sobbing escaped from her and her emotions betrayed her.
How she could be this stupid? It was in front of her all along, but she let her emotions cloud her judgement, she let herself go weak and forget why she was here. And now she was paying the price for it, just when she thought she finally found someone and wasn’t alone in this world anymore, just when she started to be happy and believed that maybe, only maybe she was loved, it came after her and punched her in the gut. It wasn’t even Trinity, who did this and expected them to do, but Jacob. That man she dared to love and trust, the man she let close to her and let him into her world… that man betrayed her. She barely faced with the fact what Ana did with Richard and with her, thinking she was her mentor and some kind of mother figure and suddenly lost that and also had to consider her as her enemy, finding out Ana was working with Trinity. She followed her lead, used her and Lara gave every information to her willingly, sharing everything she discovered with the woman Lara considered as family, as an ally, as someone she could trust. And now she was in the same shoes with Jacob too. He wasn’t a Trinity agent at least. But he caused more pain than Ana did.
She wanted to jump up, shake herself and keep going, just like before. This wasn’t her first disappointment and won’t be the last one either, but this time she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t stop the crying, couldn’t order her legs to move again and couldn’t bear the thought of seeing him again, even for a moment when she goes back to the secret passage what was waiting for her and step on the path leading her into the heart of Kitezh.
This time she needed a moment to cry freely and let everything out, just before she can be strong again and do what she must to do, no matter how painful it will be.
Because going into Kitezh and face with the Deathless Army was one thing. But leaving the valley behind was her true test.