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Jacob didn’t face with such pain for a very-very long time – and honestly he never hoped he will ever again.
He truly thought the capacity to feel love died out from him over the centuries, left nothing behind, but his shell only, pain and guilt and his memories to torture him, to remind him what he’d lost.
He deserved it. Let other things distract him, cloud his judgement and because of that, he made bad decisions. The love he felt for Sofia, Alya and his daughter was capable to override everything else, but he shouldn’t let that happen. His people’s safety should be his top priority, no matter what. He needed to protect them and keep them away from the Source – them and others too. Slipped two times before and both times pained him deeply – losing the women he loved and first half of his people and then feeling constant fear for his daughter, seeing her die eventually, was something no parent should see. But he will. With time Sofia will be old and fading and Jacob will be there to watch it. He didn’t deserve a happy, normal life because he wasn’t normal either. Because he caused so many deaths already.
How his heart could not turn to stone after all? Loved his daughter, but truly believed he won’t be able to love anyone ever again. And who would have thought a young archaeologist can and will change this? Jacob definitely not. It truly, deeply surprised him, didn’t really recognize the feeling for first. The warmness whenever she smiled at him or the fondness when she was daydreaming about something, the fascination when she was on fire, excited as she put the puzzle pieces together. The urge to be near to her, talk with her, be around her. Impressed when she jumped into the middle of happening, fighting her way out and doing everything to reach her goal and keep her promise to help to the Remnants against Trinity.
Jacob would lie if he didn’t admit these feelings scared him even. He was afraid of making mistakes again, causing suffering again and then: loosing Lara just like Sofia and Alya before.
And he was weak again, couldn’t deny the pulling, couldn’t say no to it, edging closer and closer to her. And then… then he had a moment of peace with her. Jacob found fragile happiness at her side, dared to feel loved once again, dared to love her and let her closer. The time they spent together was really precious to Jacob – she never asked anything from him, never pushed him, she just wanted to be with him for himself. For a moment he dared to believe there is a slight chance for them, even if her original reason to come here was the Divine Source, it seemed like she was capable to alter her path for him.
It was a sweet lie and he knew it but he was unwilling to face with it. Because that would mean what they have will end and soon. The love they shared, the gentle moments, the whispered words, her, will be gone and he will be there, alone facing the world, waiting for the next relic hunter to try to seek the Source’s truth. And for the first time after many years, he didn’t want it to end. He didn’t want Lara to leave. He didn’t want to lose her. He didn’t want to be alone anymore.
But deep-deep down Jacob knew he eventually will be. Because of who he was, because of the man the Source formed him. It gave him a long life, but took everything else away from him and now it was there again, demanding another highly priced payment.
Looking down from his spot, where he stood alone, clearly saw the open gate, the Path of the Death, waiting for her. A small smile appeared on his face. Jacob doubted she will look after him to say good bye. No, not after seeing how deeply he hurt her.
She was amazing and a very bright, highly intelligent woman, but she was still capable to misread people sometimes. Assuming he tricked her into this, seduced her for a reason sounded like a joke. He would never do that to anyone – and Jacob honestly thought he wasn’t capable to be seductive, even if he wanted to be. And Lara would definitely see that. If only she could take her time to sit down and calmly think everything over – but she had no time for such things.
And again, an another childish wish of his. This wasn’t about saving their pairing. It never was about that. It shouldn’t even happen in the first place.
Still, when she looked at him with something was almost like hatred, it felt like twisting a blade in his flesh.
Regret. ‘If only…’
‘If only I would be someone else. If I could have a new chance. If I could make different decisions, fix my mistakes…’
A female figure appeared, stepped out of the building where Jacob ordered his men to put Jonah to rest. It was her, looking at the sky. She… looked different now.
When Lara walked toward the building she looked to be so young, so fragile – he wanted nothing more than warp his arms around her and protect her from the harsh reality of the world around them. He would do it if Jacob wouldn’t be so sure she will either way pull her knife out to chop him up or shot him down right on the spot – because even if she looked nothing more just a young adult woman, who could break in any moment under the pressure of her mission, Lara was very far from that and she could show some fierceness even then, when she was the most vulnerable that Jacob ever saw her.
But now, she looked different. Calm. Strong. Determined. This time it was the Goddess again, bones made from steel, unbendable and unbreakable, almost scary and cold.
It was… fascinating. Something he couldn’t take his eyes off and could nothing more just admire her. Saw it in her in the gulag, when they first met, when they escaped and when she fought with Trinity as well.
After a long minute, she looked at the Observatory and Jacob knew Lara made her decision: it was time to go into the Chamber of the Souls and face with whatever was waiting for her.
Watched as she walked to the passage, looked into the darkness of it and after a moment of hesitation she stepped through it. He didn’t have the courage to do the same for hundreds of years. He should and often thought about it, walking back into Kitezh and destroy the Source – it was the only right thing to do. He would prevent Trinity from getting it or let the Source to ruin an another other living soul ever again. He should save humanity from this curse.
But he was a coward and never did it. And now he put everything on risk: his people’s lives and the faith of the world, only because he was too afraid to face with his past and mistakes.
Because of that Lara had to make the decision he couldn’t make, a woman who was barely an adult is risking her life and face with such a burden Jacob should deal with.
His selfish part stirred awake, whispering a thought into his ear, tried to make his responsibility in the question less pressing: if he chose to destroy the Source he would never meet with Lara either. If he didn’t make the decisions he did, he would never know her, never fall for her.
It shouldn’t matter, it shouldn’t make him feel less guilty, because it won’t make his decisions to be more valid. But tasting the thought of never meeting with her was a sour experience and secretly he was happy he had a chance to know her. Even if it was a horrible thought, because for that he needed to do serious mistakes.
It was time to make them right.
Still staring at the passage, Jacob tried to think straight, questions were chasing each other in his head. Can he leave her alone in such a moment? Even if she hated him now, even if she thinks horrible things about him, Jacob shouldn’t leave her alone with this. Could he sit and watch and wait what will happen? How he could look in the mirror after that?
Did he really become this weak, this coward?
Who was he now?
-
“ANA! STOP!”
Her voice stopped him, it was so forceful, so ordering, like she could stop the time itself. Edging closer in the shadow, saw them: a blonde female knelt on the floor, hugging something close to her like a baby – except it wasn’t a tiny human being, but the Source. Lara ran toward her, face red from the rush and the cold, and her coat stained from blood, but he didn’t see any injury on her. It wasn’t hers. Lara fought her way here, marched over any kind of barrier she faced with – still tried to be reasonable and make Ana to see sense. The older woman was still important to Lara somehow, she still tried to save her doing the exact same mistake what Jacob did.
But Ana wasn’t someone you could convince that easily. She lost too much already and threatened to lose even more; her life. The slow, painful death was waiting for her and she didn’t want to face that – so much Ana was willing to sacrifice her own brother. Jacob knew her look, saw it before over his years: she won’t give up on the Source.
“What about your Father? You’re dooming him to be mocked by history. How can you let this go? When you’re so close?” Her voice was strained, not exactly begging, but close to that, used Lara’s biggest fear against her.
It was a big temptation, he knew. Her father was everything for her and clearing his name was something Lara always fought for – ever since she came back from Yamatai. Carried heavy guilt, because she thought just the same about her father as the rest of the world did; poor Richard Croft lost his mind and chasing fairytales. Told about this to him at one of their peaceful night, when they still had time and he could keep her in his arms, hearing her story, knowing her better slowly. When he could be there for her.
It still pained her, it was clear. The way she was unable to look into Ana’s eyes, how her breath got caught in her throat… she still considered making a different decision. She was tempted, clearly hesitating, considering the idea of proving to the world her father wasn’t a fool. But Lara was never someone you can have an influence on that easily – and hopefully she will stand this test. Maybe this was her hardest decision to make so far.
When she looked up, determination was in those dark brown eyes.
“I’m willing to make that sacrifice. I can’t let you take it.”
“Think of the millions suffering and dying. We can save them. We can change the world. Together.” Was Ana begging now? Did she know Lara this well, did she know the young Croft was a mountain, unable to push away? One last desperate try?
“The cost is too high, Ana. We aren’t meant to live forever. Death is a part of life.”
A sudden, warm feeling hit him in that moment – a huge relief. Happiness even. Love. Lara understood how the Source would change and destroy everything – and maybe she could understand his reasoning as well. Why he lied to her. Why he had to lie to her. Why he couldn’t let her to take the Divine Source away. His motivation. Him.
It wasn’t a difficult decision to make when he stepped out of his hiding place and killed that solider. Even when Ana raised her gun he wasn’t surprised – humans were so predictable after observing them for centuries.
“JACOB! WATCH OUT!”
She was still worried for him, even if Lara knew he couldn’t die, she still warned him, voice full of emotions, worry and even fear.
The familiar sounds of shots and then the strong pain hit him. The pain was something he could never use to it. It was still sharp and sudden, it still made him flinch, no matter how many times he felt it. Cuts, holes by spears and bullets, hits… it didn’t become easier to deal with. Something never changes.
His own grunts and wheezing were mixing with the gunshots’ ringing in his ears, barely catching Ana’s words.
“…Another Croft doesn’t have to die for this.”
For this. For the Source? Or for everything? The valley, the people living in it, them, they together and their everything…
“But I am willing to.”
She was braver Jacob himself hoped to ever be. She shouldn’t die for this, she shouldn’t, not for this, ‘please no, not for this, not for me….’
The sounds of heavy armour against the floor, the Deathless Ones slowly circled around them, closing a deathly ring. Even if Jacob knew they won’t hurt him, they were still capable to froze his blood from fear. They won’t hesitate to kill any mortal living soul, just to keep the Source and guarantee their unnatural long life for themselves. Just like when the Mongols came and his army rather destroyed the City and the people in it.
No, he couldn’t let that happen. Not again.
-
When she had the chance Lara didn’t hesitate: picked the Source up, threatened the Army to smash it against the hard stone floor, hoping that will be enough, but they didn’t stop. Raised it higher, above her head, ready to destroy it… but she couldn’t do it. If she does that will save her and Ana’s life, but on what cost? The scientist inside her still protested, but she pushed her away – it wasn’t her real reason why she hesitated.
Looked at Jacob, who came after her, who tried to protect her, tried to keep her away from all this, whom she loved and laid wounded on the floor, still alive, but in pain.
If she does this, there is a huge chance she will lose Jacob too. Whatever happens after this he won’t be immortal anymore and has a serious injury, bleeding already too much.
Can she do this? Can she lose something this important for her all over again? The chance for a happier life, for something normal? The chance to be whole again? The chance to be loved again and love someone back?
He looked in her eyes and Lara knew, they both were thinking about the same thing. They both were scared, they both wanted a different ending and it wasn’t fair. How she could make such a decision?
It felt like just before, when he debated about making the first step or not, knowing Lara only needed a little push to one direction. Nodded at her, eyes gentle, reassuring. “It’s okay.” said to her in a warm tone, that one he used to tell her little secrets in the dark, tracking gentle patterns on her skin, when she felt the most peaceful ever.
She understood. “I’m sorry.” whispered back, feeling her heart breaking while she did so, sealing their faith.
Time was running out from her hands now, like the fine sand between her fingers, taking every stolen moment of theirs with itself. Every touch, every kiss, every whispered word was about to be nothing more than ashes, like the Deathless Ones around them, screaming and disappearing, being picked up by the wind and blown away. No, she couldn’t lose him. Not him too.
Running at his side, scared to death, waiting when he will be gone as well.
“Jacob, hold on…” begged, while pressed her hands on his wounds, trying to stop the bleeding, trying to save him, because she had to save him, ‘please God, let me save him’.
His warm blood made her hands sticky and it quickly poured into a puddle on the floor beneath him.
“I’ve held on… for too long already.”
‘No, no, nononono, please no.’
“Please don’t say that.” it was hard to talk, when crying choked her, eyes heavy with tears what quickly found their way down on her cheeks. But she needed to stop the bleeding, needed to stay calm and don’t fall apart, she couldn’t fall apart, not now, not, when he needed her the most.
As his pain eased and his vision started to blur Jacob felt how death was close. It was somehow familiar and still totally new – he died for many times over his long life and knew how it felt to take the road toward death. But this time it was slightly different, knowing he will never return.
For years he longed for this, dying, knowing it will be final and his long life will reach its end finally. He thought he had nothing to lose, lived more than enough. Sofia is a strong adult and will be just fine, probably starting her own family soon. His people will also be fine, Sofia can replace him as their leader and lead them into a new, bright future when no-one tries to hurt them anymore. There was nothing he had to stay alive anymore.
And when it’s finally happening, he has something to lose. Something what means the world for him. And he didn’t want to die. It was unfair to her and to him. They deserved much more than this, they deserved happiness, a true chance, a promise of a life together. But Jacob was always a realist and knew there was no escape from death this time.
Took one final look at her face, something he will take with himself into the unknown. A small smile appeared on his lips.
“In all my years, I’ve met as few extraordinary as you.”
‘And I adore you. I always did. Don’t let anything stop you.’
Shapes and colours blurred together, forming blackness around him as her voice still ringed in his ears but was unable to answer anymore.