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Naruto was Hokage. His student. Kakashi was very proud, but even more so he was deeply relieved. His time as Hokage was over. His future was full of possibilities, lots of days jam packed full of napping during the day he could personally foresee.
After many long exhausting years of doing a job he didn’t particularly like (he hated.), he was free. “I’m Semi-retired!,” Kakashi would say gleefully, to just about anyone that would listen.
Gai on the other hand could not stand the term. “Kakashi don’t say such things! It makes us sound so old! We’re shinobi and we always will be! The ninja way is the way of youth!” He said it always while smiling though, and Kakashi knew at his base he just wanted Kakashi to be happy. If his definition of that was different to Gai’s personally (more….playing with dogs, less self-rules,) so be it. After Naruto’s inauguration they’d all celebrated, revelry and food and drink, surrounded by the ones they loved, well into the wee hours of the morning. After hugging Naruto and Sakura goodbye, and Gai getting his own 10 minute tearful goodbye to his own students out of the way, they began the walk towards their apartment. Kakashi couldn’t help but feel so light. He wasn’t Hokage anymore.
“They have grown so much!” Gai blubbered as Kakashi pushed him towards their home. “You saw Rock Lee yesterday, and Tenten last week,” Kakashi countered calmly. “Yes but! They grow everytime!” He was gesturing wildly and talking excitedly about his last training session with Tenten, and how little Metal was doing under Rock Lee’s tutelage. Kakashi let him ramble jovially, spacing out as he spoke. “I love him.” He felt contentment spread through him at the thought. They were together and alive and had many many years to spend together. He’d wasted so much time. Wasted years, decades, pushing him away. Even after they had begun to have a romantic relationship, Kakashi always kept Gai at arms length, never letting him know how he truly felt.
“I love you.” Kakashi said suddenly, needing to hear it out loud. Making up for all the times he’d thought it but not said it. He had lots of time to make it up he was sure, but he had to start. Gai stopped in the middle of his story and turned to look at Kakashi, a ghost of a blush on his cheeks. “I know that Kakashi! I love you too!” Kakashi smiled. Might Gai certainly said “I love you” more, and Gai seemed pleasantly surprised every time he said it. Yet the first time he had told him Gai hadn’t seemed surprised at all.
He remembered when Might Gai was still holed up in that hospital room, hooked up to so many machines even his large frame looked small. Kakashi had sat down and put his head in his hands rooted to the spot for days. Rock Lee stayed beside him, he often stood for days as well, and so did his other student, Tenten. Kurenai came with flowers, Naruto came too, bringing Kakashi a change of clothes and words of comfort. Sakura, who worked there flitted in and out, at one point wrapping her arms around his shoulders and saying nothing. He had needed it and he was grateful, but it still didn’t stop him from weeping when him and Might Gai were alone. Everyday Might Gai was in that state was nightmarish. It took decades of walls and tore them down. It was mostly the fact Kakashi knew all too well. He could die. Kakashi could lose him too. It was too much too think about. Might Gai had always been there, like a stubborn thorn stuck in his side. He didn’t know when his presence had become more comforting, and then needed and loved but he was.
He’d find himself begging. He’d pray, babbling to nothing in particular that he needed to stay he needed to be allowed to stay alive, that he couldn’t live without him, he couldn’t lose him too, that he loved him so much it hurt. That he was sorry it had taken him decades to say it. Gai had been on so many pain killers Kakashi hadn’t even been sure he’d registered his confession, or that it would even matter. When their eyes met he felt bad, it felt so weak to be this way, but Gai had reached out and stroked his face lovingly.
“I knew Kakashi. Don’t worry.”
“You know how much I love you. It’s okay it’s hard for you to say it, I know.” Gai said after a moment. Kakashi took his hand and cupped his in his own, pressing it to his lips, shaking. He had wanted to walk out of the room. He had also wanted to throw himself onto the bed and cling to the body there. He did neither. He stood stock-still as the hot tears continued to flow, falling into his and Gai’s hands. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d cried. It had been years. Probably decades. The last time was when he was remembering Rin if he had it right. It had always been over people he’d already lost, never while they were still here. A sob racked his body, and he hiccuped. He sounded so childish, he reprimanded himself as he tried desperately to get himself under control. He was going to use an Anbu repression technique when Gai had squeezed his hand again, a huge smile on his face. “It’s okay,” He heard Gai murmur. He cried harder. It felt good, in a strange way. It had been too overwhelming to say anything else at that time. He knew though. He always knew, and at least that felt good.
“Rival, lets race home!” Gai said suddenly, ejecting him from his thoughts of the past. Kakashi feined thinking for a moment before rocketing past him. “That’s cheating Kakashi!” Might Gai called after him, but he was sounding closer and closer. Kakashi laughed. He was near hysterics by the time he got to the house. He wasn’t Hokage. He was not even an active duty ninja, he now only took missions he chose to. Naruto and Sakura were well. He had forgiven the dead and the dead had forgave him. He was in love. He was healing. He could say, for the first time in his life, his life was…good.
He got there first. “I won,” He gloated as Might Gai joined him, seconds behind. “Only because you cheated rival! That will not be going in our official scorebook,” Gai was still talking, about the importance of ethnics and the proper structure of challenges. He rolled his eyes and pushed him into their doorway, and then pulled his mask down in one fluid motion and kissed him.
Gai seemed slightly surprised but not unhappy. He tasted still slightly of saké, and vanilla? Kakashi hadn’t even noticed any sweets at the party, but he wasn’t a big fan of them anyway. It tasted good when kissing him though. He straddled his chair and grinned. “You’re very happy tonight!” Gai said.
“Is that a bad thing?”
“No! Of course not! It’s wonderful! I love seeing you happy my love, but…” Might Gai was searching his face, as if looking for the right choice of words. “Did it really make you that unhappy? Being Hokage? I know you didn’t enjoy it much but you did so much good! It makes me sad to think you were very unhappy all this time, you should have told me, I would have figured something out to improve your feelings!”
Kakashi sighed, picking up one of Gai’s large hands, stroking it with his thumb. Both their hands were so calloused. In some places, on Gai’s If you looked very hard you could still see the lines. From. He breathed in through his nose sharply. He could say nothing. He knew his rival wouldn’t press, but, he had just been thinking he was supposed to trying to communicate better. Might Gai deserved honesty.
“I’ve never been truly unhappy. Not while we’ve been together. Not like this. But…” he trailed off, trying to fight off the urge to deflect with a sarcastic remark or just let the silence continue. Gai smiled at him gently. “It was never my dream. It was Obito’s dream. It was Naruto’s dream. I did it for them. I’m happy I did it, but I’m happy it’s over.”
Might Gai nodded at this, thinking. He could be very pensive when he needed to be, Kakashi thought.
“So what’s your dream then my dear Kakashi?”
Do I have to have one?” Kakashi closed his eyes. His dreams in the last decades had all be ripped apart before his eyes, saying his thoughts out loud almost seemed to be jinxing it, but, he continued despite the thought “I…I want them to grow up happy, I know they’re grownups but you know what I mean?” Might Gai nodded furiously at this. “I want their kids to be happy. I want to be happy. I want to be with you.” Gai’s started welling up at that. “Kakashi….” he squeezed him tightly and Kakashi wiped his tears away. Gai was staring at him lovingly as he did so.
Kakashi’s eyes darted away as Gai drank in his features however. It was habit. One he’d probably never get out of. Too much emotion was still a lot for him, especially when he wasn’t wearing his mask. He had never seen Might Gai care about appearances or what people looked like. He forgot faces he’d seen hundreds of times and yet…with his he seemed intent on memorizing every feature. Might Gai was probably the only person beside his father who’d seen him without his mask on for extended periods of time. It still felt vaguely embarrassing to let him see. He knew he was “pretty”. From peoples reactions he knew. It made him feel strange. The fact people’s perceptions of you might change because you look a certain way repulsed Kakashi as a concept. “Do you want to put your mask back on?” Gai asked this often. He knew this wasn’t easy for him. Gai was also so kind. “No.” He wrapped his arms around Gai and kissed him lazily. He kept laying on him, while Gai was petting him absentmindedly. They had so much time, the rest of their lives together. He wondered if Gai was thinking the same thing.
Kakashi stretched and yawned. Might Gai wheeled them towards their room. He changed quickly and rolled into bed. He’d worry about a shower tomorrow. He listened to the sounds of Might Gai shuffling around, getting whatever he needed in order, it was strangely comforting. Before living with Gai he’d been alone five on, so he’d thought the sounds of a another human in the house would irritate him, but no, not if it was him. (Well actually Gai did annoying him in the mornings but—-)
He felt the bed shift and Gai climb into bed, his large arms wrap around him. He felt safe with Gai. He was the only person he’d probably ever be vulnerable with like this, but it was okay, because he knew Might Gai would never betray his trust. Every time he had pushed him away, Gai had always come back, with more love, more affection, no matter how cruel Kakashi had been in his attempts to shoot him down. He was lucky. He shifted, looking at him in the dark. He touched his face.
“Don’t die.”
Might Gai’s big bright toothy grin appeared in the dark and he laughed at little. Kakashi was deadly serious however.
“Kakashi, I’m not going anywhere!”
He smiled reassuringly and Kakashi laid his head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. While Gai rubbed his back. Sleep was coming, he could feel it. It had been a good day, and as he fell asleep listening to Might Gai’s steady heartbeat, he knew he had more good days coming.