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The phone call had taken him by surprise, but he had quickly recovered with excitement.
When was the last time they had seen each other? When had they last spent time together? It seemed like a lifetime ago when they’d been within five feet of the other. A low desperate ache filled him with that thought. He had none to blame but himself for that.
Kurapika would try harder.
He’d made a promise to himself. He was tired, so tired of running away from what he really wanted. Yes, for a long time he feared that letting the other man get too close would be his doom, but after the years they had known each other Kurapika felt confident in the fact that nothing would harm the other.
Leorio was too stubborn for that.
So, when he’d gotten the call early in the week informing Kurapika that Leorio would be passing through the city on his way to see a patient, Kurapika had willingly agreed that Leorio should just spend the night at his place. Why bother paying for a hotel room when Kurapika had a spare room and would enjoy the company.
“You’re doing it again,” Melody’s voice gently called out to him. The soft tones led him back to the present and out of his thoughts.
“Doing what?” Kurapika tried to brush it off, unable to meet Melody’s knowing gaze.
“Worrying,” Melody smiled. “Everything will be fine. You came to this decision a long time ago, longer than even you realize.” Kurapika gave Melody a hard look before his shoulders slumped.
“What if he doesn’t feel the same?”
“You will regret not telling him for the rest of your life,” Melody said, coming to stand beside him. “Kurapika, you are allowed to be happy.”
He knew, somewhere deep down buried in his heart that she was right, but there was always the overwhelming guilt that came with each smile, each laugh, and every flutter of his heart. It had started out small, long before Kurapika even realized his feelings for Leorio, but as realization struck him the ache grew stronger.
Did he really deserve Leorio?
“Again, Kurapika?” Melody offered a kind smile, but Kurapika could easily see the worry in her eyes.
“I still plan on telling him. He has the right to know, and I’ll only feel at peace once I’ve said it.” Kurapika answered honestly. There was no point in hiding it any longer.
He loved Leorio.
“You should be heading out if you don’t want to be late. Leave the rest to us,” Melody offered an encouraging grin before exiting the room to go and inform the others. Kurapika quickly gathered his things and began heading back to his rented apartment during his stay at this assignment. It wasn’t anything too extravagant, but comfortable enough to allow Kurapika a chance to relax at the end of the day. Leorio would be arriving shortly, and Kurapika still wanted to clean up a bit before he arrived.
There were still things to get done.
*************************************
This was stupid.
Even as he walked into the small shop, roughly running his fingers through his hair to discard the snow that clung to it, he knew this was stupid. He was only stopping by, this wasn’t the best time for grand gestures.
Yet, if not now . . . then when?
Leorio had been fooling himself into thinking that the right time would just, present itself to him. That at some point the universe would throw him a bone and align in such a way that when he confessed his feelings it would lead to a happy ending.
This was so stupid.
“Hi, how can I help you?” the girl at the counter asking bringing Leorio back into the present.
“I’m looking for some flowers,” Leorio grunted.
“I figured seeing as this is a flower shop,” the girl chuckled. “Did you know what type of flowers you wanted?”
“Something nice, and that won’t die easily in this frigid weather,” Leorio rubbed the back of his neck as he spoke, nerves suddenly overwhelming him.
“Girlfriend not very good at taking care of plants?”
“Confessing to the guy I’ve been in love with since I met him,” Leorio answered, not meeting her gaze but watching her reaction for the corners of his eyes.
“Well in that case, you need some Primroses,” she offered. She came out from around the counter and hurried over to an area off to the left. The deep rich shades of the current stock of flowers showed hearty plants that could survive the cold.
Was this even worth it?
“Here we are,” the girl appeared before him again with a small pot in her hand with charming light yellow, almost white flowers. They reminded Leorio of the stars on top of a tree this time of year. “I can’t live without you.”
“Excuse me?” Leorio choked.
“Primroses, the most common meaning for them is I can’t live without you. I think that’ll give your guy the message,” the girl chuckled again, a bright knowing smile on her face.
“Huh, what do you know. Maybe it will,” Leorio muttered to himself, taking the flowerpot in hand. He paid for the item and waved back to the girl as a way to thank her for her help. He cursed at the chill in the air as he hurried down the city streets. He should take a cab, but he knew how much Kurapika enjoyed his privacy and the less people that knew where Kurapika lived, the better.
He couldn’t stop sniffling and he was bound to catch a cold by the time he reached Kurapika’s door. At least the building was heated so he could thaw off a bit during the elevator ride to the apartment number Kurapika had told him over the phone yesterday. Leorio chanced another glance at the flowers. Was this worth it? He’d only be spending one night, it would be rushing everything.
No.
Leorio had been trying to talk himself out of this for weeks, and just when he had finally built up the courage to do it, he was willing to throw it all away.
Not this time.
The elevator dinged, the doors sliding open to reveal a long hall with only three doors. The apartments must be nice if they had this much space. Leorio was glad to see Kurapika doing well for himself. Clearing his throat to try and untangle the knot in it, Leorio took confident steps to the last door on the left. He knocked, louder than was necessary but he’d blame it on his nerves. His hands were beginning to shake the longer he was kept waiting, and he worried briefly that he would drop the plant or his briefcase.
“It’s open,” a muffled familiar call summoned Leorio from the other side of the door. His hand seemed to move on his own while he opened the door and gathered his things to walk in.
The apartment was nice, nicer than the last one Kurapika had been staying in, and Leorio was thankful for that. Kurapika deserved the comforts of home more than most, so Leorio was pleased to see that had come to pass. The living room had modest decorations for the holiday, but nothing over the top. Leorio expected nothing less.
“You look awful,” Kurapika greeted him from the hallway.
“The hell kinda hello is that?” Leorio grumbled, once more trying to get the stubborn snow out of his hair.
“An honest one,” Kurapika was smiling at him and Leorio felt his anger melt away. “What’s that?”
He was suddenly nervous again.
“These are for you,” Leorio held the plant out for Kurapika to take.
“They’re lovely, but you didn’t need to bring anything, Leorio. I would prefer you stay here than some sleazy motel.”
“Sleazy?” Leorio chuckled, slipping his arms out of his heavy winter coat.
“You still like to scrimp and save even if you no longer have to. Who knows what sorts of things are on those sheets,” Kurapika muttered to himself as he hung Leorio’s jacket in the hall closet. “Let me set this down and I’ll show you to the guest room.”
“Uh . . . right,” Leorio internally cursed himself. The flowers were a stupid idea. Kurapika wouldn’t even know what they were much less their meaning. Leorio’s shoulders slumped a bit in disappointment, but he followed after Kurapika regardless. Leorio observed him, tracking his movements as he placed the small flower pot on the mantle of the fireplace.
“There,” Leorio couldn’t see Kurapika’s face, but his voice carried a smile to it. “Perfect.”
“You like them?” Leorio asked again, just wanted to make sure.
“Of course,” Kurapika began, walking closer so they were once again standing side by side. “They’re a gift from you.”
Leorio tried to ignore the way his heart stopped.
Kurapika showed him to the guest room, allowing Leorio a moment or two of privacy to settle in and get his things in order. It was a nice way for Leorio to take a few deep breaths and rethink how he wanted to do this.
It was late, and even though he knew he wanted to spend as much time with Kurapika as possible, they both did have work in the morning. If he was going to do this, he needed to do it now and just be done with it.
He walked back out into the hallway.
He found Kurapika in the kitchen, busy with the task of making them both some tea. Leorio just looked on, leaning against the wall to watch the precise movements of the other. Every gesture had a purpose, fluid, calculated. Leorio chuckled that the mannerisms reflected the individual rather well.
“You’re looking at me as if I’m some sculpture on display,” Kurapika teased, smirking as he poured the tea into mugs for them.
“Can’t a humble mortal gaze at a masterpiece?” The words left him before he could stop himself. Mentally screaming and cursing Zepile as it sounded like something the idiot would say. Leorio, still fighting off his own embarrassment, noticed Kurapika looking at him wide-eyed and mouth agape.
He looked completely shocked before it morphed into laughter.
“Oi! Don’t make fun of me! That was a compliment!” Leorio shouted in his defense, face blazing with regret.
“I-” Kurapika struggled to get ahold of himself. “I know. I’ve just never heard such an intelligent thought come from you.”
Kurapika was teasing him now.
“I do have a medical degree, Kurapika. Regardless of what you and anyone else thinks, I am smart,” Leorio grumbled, snatching up his mug of tea to stomp his way to the living room. Anything to not watch this disaster unfold.
“Leorio,” Kurapika called after him, catching up and sitting on the couch beside him. “I’m only joking. It was sweet.”
Leorio bit his tongue, worried about what he would say next.
They sat like that for a bit, just watching the fire crackle and glow while snow gently drifted down outside the large windows. The city sparkled below, a modern winter wonderland.
It was nice.
“Is it selfish of me . . . to wish that time could stand still?” Kurapika spoke softly into his mug. Leorio had just managed to hear him.
“No,” Leorio answered. “I get the feeling.”
“The Primroses are lovely,” Kurapika wasn’t looking at him, but once again at the little plant.
Leorio coughed into his tea.
“You- You know what they are?” Leorio turned to face the other, his pulse racing. If Kurapika knew what flower they were, did he also know their meaning? The two stared at each other, both trying to find the right thing to say next. The only sounds in the apartment that could be heard were the cracks the fire created and the sound or racing heartbeats.
“I love you.”
The world went silent.
The pair blinked, both looking bewildered by the fact they had spoken simultaneously. Leorio leaned back against the cushions while Kurapika covered his mouth with his hand. Still they sat, just watching, neither saying a word.
“What?” Leorio cracked first, completely spellbound at what he assumed he’d heard. It could have just been an echo of his own words. He could have misheard. Kurapika didn’t answer him right away, instead Leorio found he was still covering his mouth and his shoulders were shaking.
He was laughing.
“What’s so funny now?” Leorio barked.
“We’re fools,” Kurapika struggled through his quiet laughter. “I’ve been so nervous over this for months, and to just have us both blurt it out like that is just . . . well-”
Kurapika was speechless.
“You mean it? You love me too?” Leorio asked in awe. This had not been how he’d pictured this night to go at all.
“For quite some time,” Kurapika confessed. “To think you actually feel the same.”
“Of course I do,” Leorio hadn’t meant snap at him, but it was the truth. He never wanted Kurapika to doubt that. “Why do you think I worry about you so much?”
“You worry about everyone,” Kurapika argued.
“Not like you,” Leorio frowned. “You keep me up at night.”
“I didn’t realize I was such a hazard to your health,” Kurapika chuckled, but he sobered after a moment. “I was afraid.”
“Of?” Leorio pressed.
“Being unworthy,” Kurapika was not looking at Leorio anymore. “I felt I didn’t have the right to seek out happiness, or deserved to be with you.”
“Kurapika,” Leorio reached over to gently turn the others face to look at him. Leorio held Kurapika’s cheek, lightly brushing his thumb against smooth skin. “There isn’t anything I want more than you to be happy. You deserve it more than most after everything you’ve been through.”
“Would you be happy . . . being together?”
“Thrilled.”