Chapter Text
Soonyoung's got Chan in his lap, rocking him gently, cheek pressed against the top of his head. Chan had come to him as soon as he'd returned from the studio, feeling anxious and craving comfort. Soonyoung had immediately coaxed him over to the armchair, getting the younger in his grasp. They're alone in the living room, but Soonyoung knows that Seungcheol and Jisoo are hovering in the kitchen as Mingyu cooks dinner, ready to step in if needed, and Junhui, Minghao, and Hansol are camped out in the corridor behind them.
"You're doing so well, Channie. Everything's okay; just you and me." He mumbles, doing his best to reassure Chan's worrying mind. Chan whimpers against his throat, nosing sharply at his Adam's apple. The tears had started almost as soon as they'd sat down, dampening Chan's red cheeks and clogging up his throat. His breathing is okay for right now- only a little hurried- so that's good. Soonyoung just holds him tight, wishing he could drain all the bad feelings from the precious boy in his arms.
"I hate feeling like this," Chan says, quietly- Soonyoung almost misses it.
"I know you do, baby. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. You don't deserve it in the slightest." Chan whines a little, but snuggles closer, making himself as small as possible. Soonyoung kisses the top of his head. "Did something happen after we left the studio? Or before? Or are you just having a bad day?" Soonyoung asks, hoping to get Chan feeling better before this escalates into something more dire.
"I was a little uneasy before, which made it harder to get anything right, which made me even more anxious. And now I'm just-" Chan cuts himself off with a shaky sigh; Soonyoung rubs his back and nods against his head, letting him know that he understands.
"What were you working on?" Soonyoung asks, trying to change the topic of conversation into something Chan enjoys talking about, hoping it may make him feel a little better.
"My solo for Ideal Cut. I'm actually really excited about it. I was struggling with it today, but if I can get it right- I think it will be really cool." Soonyoung can already hear the change in his voice, and despite the tears on his face, his mouth is pulled into a small smile. Soonyoung presses a kiss to his head again, more than fond of this boy.
"It's going to be amazing. I can't wait until you show me." Soonyoung replies and Chan sits up in his lap. He wipes his face with his sleeves and hooks his arms around Soonyoung's neck, grinning at him. Soonyoung's hands immediately cradle either side of his ribcage.
"Me too," Chan tells him before leaning in to give him a chaste kiss, their lips barely brushing before he pulls back again. Soonyoung chases him until he gets a proper one. Chan giggles, Soonyoung's heart squeezing with affection when Chan flops against his chest again, nose tucked against his collarbone.
Soonyoung runs a palm up and down the length of his spine as Chan's laughter fades out into a calm sense of contentedness. "How are you feeling?" Soonyoung asks, lips brushing against his temple as he speaks. He knows that Chan's anxiety can't have completely disappeared, but he hopes that it's at least lessened it's grip on him a little bit.
"Better." Chan half-whispers against the sensitive skin of Soonyoung's neck, causing him to shiver and squirm, making Chan laugh again. It's very easy to forget that bad things exist in life with Chan's laugh as a backing track. They only part from each other when Mingyu calls out that dinner is ready and a herd of hungry boys stampede towards the kitchen. Chan flinches a little at the noise but quickly steels himself, shaking his head with a sigh and a fond smile before standing from Soonyoung's lap, holding a hand out for him to take.
Soonyoung squeezes tightly.
Dinner is its usual boisterous affair, the thirteen of them squeezed around the table in the kitchen, five different conversations going on at once. Chan eats quietly, still pressed against Soonyoung's side. Chan loves his members to pieces, but it's no joke how much noise they can make. It's fine, though- it's good noise.
In the flash of an eye, Mingyu whirls around in his seat, his elbow making contact with his glass of water, sending it hurtling towards the tiles. The sound of the smash is deafening, at least it is to Chan. He sees white for a moment, the crash causing his anxiety to spike suddenly, his chest suddenly tight, his ribs aching. He presses a hand to his chest as he gets to his feet, stumbling a little ways away from the table.
"Chan, careful-" Seungcheol warns a hand on Chan's hip guiding him from walking straight into the shattered glass with bare feet. Rational Chan would be grateful for their leader's quick instincts, but this Chan is overwhelmed and being touched without warning does not help. He yelps and jumps away from the hand, thankfully further away from the glass too, which Mingyu quickly gets to cleaning up as the others watch Chan in stunned silence.
Junhui is the first one to move, quickly followed by Soonyoung and Hansol, slowly approaching Chan with his hands spread before him. Chan's not even paying attention though- he's doubled over, propped up against the wall as his knees shake and his chest rattles with each gasping breath he takes. His tears spatter against the floor and his sobs make everyone else in the room want to cry as well. Seokmin has a hand pressed over his mouth and Seungkwan's already got wet eyes.
"Channie. Channie, it's me- Junnie. Can you hear me?" He asks, trying his best to keep his voice stable. Chan nods, minutely, but he doesn't look up. He coughs around his next breath and his shoulders tense up- he's so scared. Junhui's heart hurts for him. "I need you to take some deep breaths, okay? We need to get your breathing under control." Jun tells him, but Chan just sobs.
"Can't- can't- hurts-" Is all he manages to stutter out, turning to the side and knocking his head against the wall. Out of the corner of his eye, Soonyoung sees Hansol's hands tense into fists, like he's having to hold himself back from wrapping Chan up in his arms to keep him out of harm's way.
"I know, baby. But we can do this, you can do this. Listen to me, okay?" Junhui instructs, carefully getting a little closer- Chan doesn't step away. "I'm going to count to four, okay? You know this, you can do this." He says before he starts counting, the familiar rhythm calming them all a little. The rest of the members are still at the table, feeling like they should leave, give them some space, but knowing that moving now would do more harm than good.
Chan doesn't follow the exercise as easily as he usually does, after nearly five minutes he's still hyperventilating, his face red from the lack of oxygen. This is bad, Soonyoung watches him with wide eyes, hands itching to do something, to fix this. Junhui doesn't stop counting, but it's obvious that he's getting more and more worked up as well. Soonyoung doesn't have to look at him to know that he's crying.
Chan's shaky legs suddenly give up on him and Soonyoung's lunging towards him before his knees even hit the tile. As soon as he grasps at Chan's elbow, though, he knows he's made a mistake. Chan cries out in shock and pulls away, knocking himself against the wall again until he's able to pull himself to his feet, stumbling out of the room. "Bad idea. That was a bad idea." Soonyoung mumbles to himself as he follows the boy into the living room, knowing already that he's made things ten times worse and kicking himself for it. That's the last thing he wanted to do.
Taking them by surprise, Hansol wraps each of his hands in the fabric of Junhui and Soonyoung's T-shirts, stopping them in their tracks and taking their place. He kneels down beside Chan who's crumpled on the carpet, head in his hands, trembling all over as he sobs, loudly and painfully. "Hey, Chan-ah. I'm here with you, you're going to be okay. We didn't mean to scare you, kid. We just want you to feel better." Hansol talks to him in a quiet voice, his words only meant for Chan's ears.
Chan seems to be listening to him, eventually pulling a hand from his face to grasp at one of Hansol's, their fingers lacing together. However, it's not a good sign when Chan's cries begin to slow down, because his eyes are glazed over and the breaths he does manage to get in are becoming shallower. His eyes roll back in his head. Hansol is ready, catching him easily when he pitches forward, pulling the youngest to lie across his lap when he passes out.
Soonyoung's mouth hangs open. Chan's only lost consciousness due to a panic attack once before, the first attack he had in front of the members before he'd told them about his anxiety. Ever since then, they'd always managed to calm him down before it got to this point. Seeing him pale and unconscious, body slack, unmoving- it's hard to look at.
Beside Soonyoung, Junhui chokes on a sob and stumbles forward before being intercepted by Minghao, him and Jihoon guiding Jun out of the room. They can't risk two casualties. This snaps everyone out of their daze, including Soonyoung, who kneels down beside Chan. His instincts take over as he rolls Chan into the recovery position and presses two fingers against the pulse point in his neck, relieved to feel that his heartbeat is gradually evening out.
"It's okay, Channie. We've got you. You're going to be just fine." He mumbles to the boy, but it's mostly to reassure himself. In a bizarre way, it was probably a good thing that Chan passed out- his breathing growing steady for one thing. Chan's not going to feel good when he wakes up, but he wouldn't have felt good panicking for another half an hour either. Soonyoung's just glad that he's finally getting some oxygen.
Everyone but Soonyoung, Hansol, and the three eldest go back into the kitchen, not wanting to overcrowd the room and make the situation even more stressful. Jisoo sits next to Hansol, wrapping an arm around his shoulder, wanting to make sure that he was doing okay whilst the others look after their maknae. Hansol leans into his side gratefully, eyes still fixed on Chan. Jisoo pulls his phone from his pocket, unlocking it just in case.
Jeonghan rubs at Chan's shoulders, trying to gently coax him back into consciousness. "We've got you, baby boy. Don't be scared, you're okay. Come back to us, little one." He murmurs, struggling not to see Chan as the little twelve year old he was when this last happened. His protective instincts are still as strong as ever. He's trying to be tough, but all he wants to do is pull Chan into his arms and sob into his hair.
Chan startles them all with a broken groan, trying to roll over but just pressing himself against Jeonghan's knees. He blinks his eyes open, squinting at the light as Soonyoung brushes a hand through his hair, cooing down at him softly. "Hey, pumpkin. Good to see you up again." Chan just frowns up at his bright grin, still dazed and confused. His head is aching and his chest is sore and Jeonghan's bony knees are digging into his spine. "What's going on in that head of yours?" Soonyoung mumbles to himself, leaning down to kiss the tip of Chan's nose.
Chan whines, lifting a shaky hand to scrub at his cheeks, knuckles dragging across his eyes. Jeonghan catches the hand and pulls it away, he doesn't want Chan hurting himself more than he already has. He lifts Chan's hand to his mouth, pressing a series of kisses to the dips between his knuckles. Chan watches him, gaze unfixed.
Seungcheol crouches beside Soonyoung, laying a warm hand on his shoulder. Turning his head, Soonyoung registers the tension in his jaw and the crease between his eyebrows. Even in the most distressing moments, when he's feeling just as stressed as everyone else, their leader is always able to hold himself together. He always knows what to do. "Channie, hey. Look at me, bud. Right here." Seungcheol calls, pulling Chan's gaze from Jeonghan.
Soonyoung can't help but lay a hand over the boy's stomach, thumb skimming along the fabric of his jumper.
"Do you know where you are, Chan-ah? Tell me where we are." Seungcheol instructs, his voice unnaturally cheery to hide how upset he is. It's hard to see anyone in such a vulnerable position, let alone someone you're so close to, let alone someone you feels so responsible for. Chan's young, he's only little- he's Cheol's little brother. No one wants to see their little brother lying anxious and broken on their living room floor.
"The dorm?" Chan answers. He's obviously not certain, but the five of them grin down proudly at him nonetheless. Seungcheol pats his head, ruffling his messy hair.
"Thank you, Channie. Do you remember what happened?" Chan shakes his head regretfully, wide eyes giving away just how confused and scared he is. None of them are surprised. Seungcheol's hand moves from his head to wipe away the tears that are forming beneath Chan's eyelids, but Jisoo's hand quickly takes it's place, stroking out the knots and tangles with practised ease. "That's alright, don't worry. You had a panic attack and passed out, okay? Do you remember that?"
This time, Chan nods, but Soonyoung can tell he's still not sure. Nevertheless, he lets it be. They don't want to make him feel worse. "You're doing so well, sweetheart." Soonyoung praises, smiling down at their maknae with soft eyes. It's hesitant, but Chan smiles back at him, a dimple appearing in one of his cheeks. Soonyoung smiles wider.
"Let's get you on the sofa, baby. It'll be a bit more comfortable than the floor. Does that sound good?" Jeonghan asks, and Chan nods, wriggling a little where he lays. Hansol chuckles- he's so cute.
"Here we go." Seungcheol narrates as he scoops Chan into his arms, being careful to keep a tight grip on him as he gets to his feet. Jeonghan gets up with him, hands hovering under Chan, just in case. Chan instinctively cuddles against Seungcheol's broad chest, tucking his face into the dip between his neck and his shoulder. Seungcheol presses a fond kiss to his temple.