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Allura let out a deep sigh, and looked down at her outfit. Long-sleeved cream pink dress with a gold-embellished belt, golden hoop bracelets and leaf-shaped earrings that reflected in the porchlight outside the McClain residence, white open-toe pumps; she looked so full of light, but inside she felt grey, devoid of colour. Was it right of her to accept this invitation, to leave all of her duties behind for an evening of fun and relaxation when the Altean in the infirmary could awaken at any minute? Was it right of her to mislead Lance into thinking they could be when she was still overwhelmed with sorrow, grief and anger after what happened with her and Prince Lotor? She did not know. All she knew was that Lance was a great boy. A great man even. He had grown so much since they went out on this journey together. He had gone through so many hardships; struggling with his self-confidence and sense of belonging on the team. If there was someone who deserved to be loved and cherished, it was him. Moreover, if Allura could provide him with company, give him a sense of purpose; surely, that was not a bad thing?
The problem was her feelings for the former Blue Paladin, or lack thereof. She considered him a good friend, someone she could lean on when needed, someone strong and dependable. He was funny, sensitive, and even quite clever when he needed to be. In a sense, she admired him. Nevertheless, she did not love him. Maybe she would be able to, once in the future. However, there was no way to know that for sure.
At least this was just a family dinner. It was not as if she had committed to a long-term relationship, nor accepted any declaration of love. Besides, they both needed the time off. This could still be a fun event for them both to reminisce about in the future. She was sure that Lance’s family were lovely people, and frankly, she looked forward to introducing herself to them properly. Although she wished it was under different circumstances.
Glancing down at her tunic once more, Allura smiled softly to herself, remembering how excited Romelle, Pidge and Nadia had been when they helped her pick it out. Leifsdottir was not really known for showing emotion, but Allura could have sworn she even saw the Finn smiling that afternoon. They had been so thrilled about the opportunity to go shopping, and the aspect of Allura going on a date, that even she herself had gotten a tad bit carried away into the fantasy. If nothing interesting came out of this evening, she would at least have made her friends smile.
Finally, she lifted her hand to ring the doorbell. Ms. McClain answered the door enthusiastically.
“Come in, come in, my dear!” Allura noticed how much Lance resembled his mother; the eyes, the hair-colour, the smile; the only thing setting them apart was the slight difference in their skin tone.
“Oh, you look wonderful! Doesn’t she look wonderful Lance?” Allura smiled politely at the compliment and entered the hallway, noticing Lance coming down the stairs at that exact moment.
He did not look like his usual self. The outfit he wore was excessively formal and stiff for him, and it felt like even his walk was changed to make him seem more like a gentleman. It was not that he did not look nice; he just did not look like Lance. At least not the Lance that she had gotten to know. Was it the nerves that had gotten to him? Allura knew that she was a woman of royalty, who carried herself with utmost grace, but that did not mean that Lance needed to adapt to her way of living. He was good enough just the way he was. Did he not see that?
“Wow! You look amazing!” She could tell that he meant it, but the smile did not quite reach Lance’s eyes. He seemed troubled, like something was weighing down on him. Maybe it was that ridiculous outfit. Surely, someone else must have convinced him into wearing it.
“Thank you. You look nice too.” Allura smiled back at him. Politeness was a virtue, and she was determined to practice it. Besides, he did not look horrible, just very out of place.
“Well, it’s no Altean vestments but…” So he was feeling self-conscious about how he appeared to her. The thought made her sad. All she wanted was for Lance to believe in himself. To know that he was more than enough on his own. What could she do to make him feel better?
“Imagine you in a Forlongian brill hat!” She exclaimed, chuckling a little, in hopes of lightening the mood. He laughed with her, but it felt as though tension still hung heavy in the air. This was not like their usual interactions. Everything felt more forced, artificial. Oh, what she would give for it to just be the two of them in a quiet room at the Castleship, eating food goo and cracking jokes. In this situation, it seemed they were both out of their element.
“Oh, Allura, this is my mom, and Pop-pop.” – Lance pointed to a cheerful man with an unkempt beard – “You know Veronica. That’s Rachel, my brother Marco, other brother Luis, his wife Lisa, and their kids, Silvio and Nadia.” The smaller of the two children stuck her head out from the kitchen looking rather shy; Allura sent her a comforting smile.
Lance’s family seemed to have really outdone themselves with the meal in order to impress her. She recognized a roasted bird of unknown origin, something that resembled Altean bread and buns, roasted vegetables of several kinds, sauces, salads, even that dish Hunk introduced to her upon landing on Earth: the baked potato. Allura felt grateful, but at the same time somewhat guilty. Here she was, dining with this boy and his family, knowing full well that she had not gotten over the man who broke her heart so brutally not too long ago. She was a fraud, an intruder in their home. They welcomed her with open arms when she had no idea of whether or not this would lead anywhere, of whether she would ever fall for him at all. Lance cared for her deeply; she knew that. However, a relationship would not work without two committed parties, and she was not ready to bear that burden. Maybe she should have turned him down.
On the other hand, she wanted so desperately for him to be happy. And maybe, just maybe, if she played along, they could find a way to be with each other. She could heal from Lotor, and become the woman that Lance needed, not just the woman he wanted, even though it felt like an impossible task. For she did not want Lance to experience the heartache that she had felt. Even months later, Lotor’s deceit still felt like a deep gash in her heart that would never heal. She wished she could love Lance back so he never had to feel that pain. The pain of unrequited love. The pain of betrayal.
Dinner tasted wonderful, and Lance’s family was lovely company. She learned loads more about his past from his siblings. They cracked jokes and told stories from their childhood, made her feel included. Lance, however, was oddly silent. It was as if he was in a trance of sorts. Locked in his own mind with his thoughts. He did not seem to appreciate the jokes and tales from his family, even though they were obviously all in good fun. It especially annoyed him when she could not help but burst out in laughter. She noticed how his eyebrows furrowed at that, as if he thought she was making fun of him. When his brother made a comment about “graduating” to the adult table, the glare Lance sent him actually frightened Allura a little. There was no need to get upset over such a small thing, was there?
“Speaking of dates…” – Veronica eyed Lance with a smug, teasing glint in her eyes – “Maybe you can put in a good word for me with that long-haired friend of yours, hmmm?”
“What?! KEITH?!” The look on Lance’s face was one of pure desperation. “No, no, no! Hehehe… No way. No.” Allura was taken aback at his reaction. Of course, Keith and Lance had grown close enough to be considered good friends by now, but this seemed to be about a lot more than embarrassment over your friend being hit on by your sister. It seemed more like the thought of Keith with a significant other repelled him. Why would he not want his friend to have that kind of happiness?
One of the benefits of Altean hearing was the ability to tune in on multiple conversations at once, and this was what Allura was taking advantage of right in this moment. Lance’s mother was speaking to her about how her son never brought girls home, but Allura’s focus was on Lance, who appeared to be spurting out his own inner dialogue to Veronica in the background. She was about 99 % sure that he was not even aware that he was speaking aloud anymore, the words that came out of his mouth seemed like incoherent babbling.
“Never! Not in a million decapheobs, okay?!” Veronica looked at her brother as if he was a broken record, and Allura did not blame her. Maybe slapping him twice on the head would bring him back to reality.
“All that guy likes are knives – and space wolves! Wh-Who even likes those things?!” – Lance raised his arms in frustration – “And he’s got a mullet! Mullets are terrible! Come on! It’s – No. Just no. No.”
After that, he stopped, completely lost in thought. As though he had frozen in a time of his own, fighting something he desperately did not want to deal with. What could it be? Allura wondered, still focusing on not slipping up in the conversation with Lance’s mother. She hoped he would sort it out so they could at least enjoy this last day on Earth with his family. This was a time for Lance to be happy and cheerful, not caught up in whatever emotional turmoil he seemed trapped in. She had done this for him. She wanted him to have a nice evening. All she wanted was for him to be happy. Where was the lively, high-spirited Lance she had come to know? Why did he look so troubled, as if he was facing his mortal enemies on the battlefield? Why did it seem like he wanted to be anywhere but here?
“Lance?” It seemed Lance’s mother had gotten tired of his inattentive behaviour towards his guest. Her date blinked twice, rapidly snapping his head in his mother’s direction.
“Uhhh, yeah?”
“I was just telling Allura about how you never bring girls over. She must be very special to you.” Her tone was sweet and gentle, and Allura felt honoured to be spoken about in this way by such a lovely woman.
“Yeah, she is.” The sincerity in his answer was clear as day, but it felt different from the other times he had admitted to being smitten by her. The fire and conviction that used to be in his voice was more of a weak ember now, and she wondered if he was still more present in his mind than he was in the conversation.
Lance abruptly rose from his chair, causing every single family member’s eyes to fall upon him. They seemed confused; some even shocked, that he would attempt to leave the table at such an inappropriate time.
“Allura… Everyone… I- I really need to go. There’s – There’s something I have to do before we leave tomorrow morning. I’m so sorry.” He locked eyes with her, and the sadness and guilt they displayed made her feel horrible. However, his eyes were also filled with a strange determination, as if he had decided on something important. Something life changing even. That look exchanged between them, it was his personal apology, Allura decided. He did not know what to say or do to make her understand, but he had to leave.
His mother was visibly upset, but said nothing. It would seem she had also seen how her son had been filled with a sudden resolve. Marco was about make a remark, but Ms McClain shut him down, and before they knew it, Lance had ran up the stairs to where Allura assumed his bedroom was.
There was total silence around the dinner table, so much so that Allura could hear the faint rustling of Lance rummaging around in his bedroom, followed by footsteps approaching the staircase. When he descended, he was clad in his new Paladin armour. The blue colour accentuated his eyes in a beautiful way, and for the first time that evening, Allura felt that Lance looked like himself. They exchanged one final look before he excited the McClain household and left her alone with his family. Now she felt even more out of place than she had done previously. It was obvious that she did not belong here.
Nevertheless, she stayed for dinner on her own. Allura was a respectable, proper woman of decency, and was determined to fulfil her role as a guest in their household, especially considering the amount of time and effort they had used to prepare this meal for her.
Even though there was some tension in the air, the rest of the family dinner was less of an awkward experience than Allura had feared. The family apologized for Lance’s behaviour several times, but she ensured them that it was not necessary. If he interrupted such a special occasion, she was sure he had to have a good reason for it.
The traditional earthen food that the McClain family had prepared for her tasted delicious, and she was especially fond of the baked potato. This one tasted different from the one Hunk had provided her with on their first day, and she soon learned this was because of the filling. Apparently, you could put almost whatever you wanted in there, creating explosions of flavours and spices in your mouth; she wondered how it would taste combined with some of Altea’s specialties.
She ended up staying for a while after Lance left, and had to admit she actually had a good time. In fact, after he left she had really gotten the chance to get to know Lance’s family and learn about their lives on Earth. It had made her feel slightly homesick, but also optimistic about what the future had in store for her. If there existed such good people here on Earth, then maybe there was a chance that she could settle down here and be happy if a new Altean kingdom never came to be. The possibility of having a home again greatly pleased her.
Still, she was worried about Lance. He had looked so lost during dinner, so sad and frustrated. Then he had panicked, it seemed, before settling on some sort of decision. Was he in danger? Did something bad happen that he did not want to worry the team with? No, it did not seem like that kind of rush. Was this about Keith? After all, it was after the mention of him that he so abruptly had left. What could be so important that he had to discuss it with the Black Paladin right at this instance? As if his time was running out… Was it something tactical? Probably not. That could have waited until morning. Personal? More likely. Allura simply could not wrap her head around it.
An hour had passed since Lance left when she finally managed to excuse herself and leave the McClain residence. As pleasant as the company had been, she still felt out of place there, and she did not want to outstay her welcome. She could tell that Lance’s family were the kind of people that were too polite to ask their guests to leave, even if they wanted them to. Besides, she was both concerned and curious about Lance and his whereabouts. No matter what he was up to, she needed to find him. If not for any other reason, then at least to let him down easily. She had come to the decision that this was the best for the both of them. Surely, he had to understand that theirs was a relationship he should not pursue.
Allura had such a burden on her shoulders. There was far too much on her mind for her to even begin considering a relationship. Even if somehow, somewhere, feelings for him were harboured inside of her, she could not be sure of their genuineness as of now. She did not want to lead him on, use him for support, and then realize she would never fall in love with him. It would not have been fair to him, especially considering how long he had been attracted to her. He should definitely look for someone else, someone who would put him first. The princess did not feel like she had the capacity to do that at this point.
What would she say to him though? And how would this make him feel? Would it break his heart? She never wanted that to happen. He had already gone through enough pain as it was. Still, deceiving him would be wrong, and possibly even more hurtful if he ever came to find out. What was she supposed to do? Every choice seemed to have a terrible outcome.
Moreover, where was he? It was getting darker out, and she should be getting ready for the launch next morning. She had to resolve this before it became a bigger problem, though. She did not want Lance to have the wrong impression, or get hurt. As she scurried down the hallway, not looking at where she was going, something firm and in motion hit her straight in the chest and knocked her over.
“Oh my god! Allura, I am so sorry! I should really watch where I’m going!” Shiro exclaimed, visibly flustered, before reaching his hand out to help her back up. Allura could not help but smile up at him.
“It’s okay, Shiro. I wasn’t looking either. It was not your fault.” He seemed a bit relieved by that remark, dropping his shoulders down a bit and giving her an apologetic smile as she rose. She felt fortunate that she had bumped into someone, maybe Shiro knew where Lance was.
“Shiro, did you happen to see Lance pass by earlier?” She tried to tone down the anticipation in her voice and sound strictly formal. Shiro gave her a look that said he did not buy her nonchalance. Nevertheless, he answered her normally.
“We did talk earlier. About an hour ago. Then he went to look for Keith. Did you need to see him?” He was clearly pressing for a reason, but Allura was not sure she wanted to discuss this topic with anyone else. Then again, it was Shiro; he used to have good advice, and Allura could use some of that right about now.
“We were having dinner with his family, but then he left out of nowhere. He seemed troubled, conflicted with himself. And I wanted to… discuss something with him.” Shiro listened attentively, giving a confirming hum before replying.
“Dinner? I see. Was there any particular reason you went with him? It haven’t seemed as though you reciprocated his feelings before.” How did Shiro read her so well? It was impressive, and admittedly a little terrifying. Nevertheless, he was right. She probably never should have gone in the first place.
“I wanted his last day on Earth to be a memorable one. He deserves to feel loved. Wanted.” She looked down at her white pumps, avoiding Shiro’s gaze. This was the only explanation she had for her previous actions, and she did not feel like it justified them.
“I think that deep down, Lance knows that he is loved. By all of us. We are a team. We are family. That’s the kind of support we can provide for him. You are not obligated to love him, Allura – no matter how much he deserves to be loved. Lance needs someone who truly loves him, not someone who loves him out of pity or guilt. And you deserve to find your true love, when the time comes. That’s why you should support him in a genuine way – through your friendship. He will understand.”
Shiro always knew what to say in difficult situations. Allura suddenly felt eons lighter, and brought him into a tight embrace. Shiro was family. Lance’s family, her family. And she was ineffably happy to have him as a part of the team.
“Thank you, Shiro,” she said, before asking out of curiosity, “Do you know why he was so adamant to speak to Keith?” Shiro sent her an enigmatic smile.
“I think it’s up to Lance to answer that question, but the two of them have always had a special bond. I think Lance is just now coming to realize the true importance of it.” The answer was as cryptic as his smile, but somehow it still made sense. The Red and the Black paladin had gone from bickering rivals to a wonderful team and very close friends. She was happy that the two had each other in this havoc of a war.
“Could you tell me where he is? Lance.”
“He went to the Garrison facility gardens, at least that’s where I told him to go look.”
“Thank you for the talk. I really needed it.”
“Always a pleasure to help.”
She waved him goodbye and went off towards the gardens in much lighter spirits than earlier that evening. Now she knew what she had to do, what was right. Moreover, she knew that he would be able to handle it. Lance was surrounded by love; he just needed to open his eyes to it. And she could still give him hers, even if it was in a different way than he had imagined. Besides, she had to admit she was more than a little bit curious about what he and Keith was up to, and why Shiro had been so mysterious about it.
Approaching the garden, Allura spotted the two other paladins instantly. They had not done much to conceal themselves from view, two silhouettes resting against the giant oak tree in the centre of the area. The space wolf slumbered next to them, but raised its head from Keith’s lap in alert when it heard foreign footsteps. Upon recognizing Allura, it instantly calmed back down, looking at her with curious, glowing yellow eyes. She smiled at it softly; the wolf was not so bad after all. Actually, the faint glow of its blue markings made it look quite cute despite its intimidating size. It had grown bigger very fast, and she had to admit it unnerved her slightly.
The presence of the wolf had shifted her focus away, but now she was once again eyeing the two silhouettes under the giant oak. Lance’s head was nestled in Keith’s chest, Keith’s arms wrapped securely around his waist. The only part of Lance’s body not resting on Keith was his legs, who sprawled out on the ground beneath them. Keith had his back leaning against the trunk of the tree; his head had fallen to his shoulder, bangs covering his face in cascades of black hair strands. Kosmo had settled for dozing off by his owner’s outstretched legs instead of resting its head in his lap with Lance like earlier. The wolf eyed its owner with a look that seemed both fond and protective.
They did not move when she walked closer, nor made any sign of noticing her, and she realized they were sleeping. Sleeping… and cuddling. Embracing softly in a state of dreams, surrounded by an aura of bliss, calm and fondness. Both looked so at peace, so happy. Shiro’s words echoed in her mind.
‘…the two of them have always had a special bond. I think Lance is just now realizing the true importance of it.’
So that was what he had meant. Allura could not help the smile forming on her lips. This was absolutely adorable, captivating even. Somehow, it felt so right. As if the two of them being this close, this affectionate, had always been in the cards. She had to admit that it was nice to know she had not been the only cause of Lance’s internal dispute. And now that he seemed to have moved on, she no longer had to bear with her the guilt that had been tearing her apart whenever she looked at him lately.
Keith was indeed a good match for him; she meant that with all of her heart. The Black paladin had been Lance’s rock whenever he had felt insecure about himself, always there to give him the confidence and support he needed when he felt alone and worthless. Lance, in return, had been right by Keith’s side during his emotional anxiety and his struggle to feel worthy of being the Black paladin. He had made Keith go from a lone wolf to a team player, giving him confidence that he would not ruin every new friendship he entered – they really did complement each other in a unique way.
Perhaps it was always meant to be like this. The universe did have a strange way of intertwining people’s fates. All Allura knew was that she was happy for him. Lance had made an important self-discovery that day, and so had she. Her focus should be on the war, the freedom of her people, and Voltron. Love would come along when she was ready for it. Allura was first and foremost a princess – and a warrior. The strength and support of her team was all she needed. She felt empowered by that realization.
The gardens were truly in a horrible state from the Galran invasion. All the flowers and grass had died, no leaves were left on the trees; this was a wasteland. Allura looked up at the stars with sad eyes.
“This place must have been beautiful once.” She sighed to herself. Why did war have to destroy so many lives? This garden, these plants and insects, they did not deserve to die. They had lived peaceful lives, contributing to the beauty of their ecosystem, giving life to each other and never taking from anyone. It was unfair. Now the chirping crickets were the only living creatures left here, except from her and the two paladins resting beneath the starry sky.
Slowly, she approached the centre tree, careful not to wake her sleeping teammates. They looked so peaceful; she did not have the heart to. She closed her eyes and imagined what it must have been like to be here when the garden was in full bloom. Suddenly the image was in front of her, clear as day. As if nature was telling her how it used to be, desperately begging her to make things right again. Colourful leaves, greens, yellows and reds, sweet smelling flowers in all shapes and variants, insects flying from plant to plant, humming happily while collecting their pollen. It was serene beauty, and reminded her of the gardens and flowery meadows that used to be on Altea. She would not be able to recreate that, but maybe her quintessence could bring some life to this sorrowful, war-stricken land?
Allura reached out, touching the bark with the palm of her hand, eyes closed, brows furrowed in concentration, spreading her healing quintessence throughout the tree and then the garden, filling it with blue light. She could feel leaves forming on the trees, flowers blooming in the bushes, and the grass regaining its glow and shine. She smiled sadly, this was the least she could do. After all, she was the reason Earth was caught up in this mess in the first place.
All of a sudden, she felt a strange burst of energy flowing through her; a different being’s quintessence filling her body as though she was touching the source of it. However, these trees had no quintessence but hers. It should be impossible. Images of the garden, memories from long ago, flashed before her eyes like snapshots. There had been benches and swings there once, for kids and their parents to use on sunny days. The image of a young Shiro, hair all black, smiling and with his hand stretched out toward her filled her mind with a clarity so strong she felt as though she lived through the memory in her own mind.
She immediately stepped back, wary and uncertain, her eyes flickering around to look for the possible intruder. Then she saw it, the true miracle. A hue of red light surrounded Keith’s sleeping body, blending with her quintessence and creating a sparkling, fragrant amethyst light. Was this quintessence as well? What was this colour? And why would Keith emit it in such quantities? Not to speak of the strange aura that came from it. His memories? His past? She was unsure. The young half-Galran was a man of mysteries.
The joint colour their quintessence created was astounding. It lit up the entire garden, carrying in it the best qualities of red and blue. Beneath the amethyst light, the original Red and Blue paladins laid, still soundly asleep. Also representative of the best that red and blue had to offer, and with the potential to create the most glorious violet shade together; Allura was sure of it.