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Life felt particularly confusing for Lance McClain that day. He was tense about going back into war, but at the same time happy to be able to contribute. However, that was not what occupied his thoughts that morning. Launch date was tomorrow, and for Lance that meant time was running out. He had been going back and forth with himself about asking Allura out since they landed on earth. At first he had been really excited about the idea of introducing her to his family, but now he was not so sure anymore. His brain was a clouded mess of tangled up thoughts, one interrupting the other before he managed to process any of them. An alarming amount of them revolved around a particular ebon-haired boy, and he did not understand why. Why would worries about what Keith would think keep him from asking Allura out? And what was this churning feeling in his stomach whenever he thought about him? It hurt, but at the same time it felt oddly comfortable. Like he was drawn to Keith without knowing how or why. Yes, life was indeed confusing for Lance McClain that day.
As he mourned the loss of his sanity while stirring absentmindedly in his tea, he noticed Hunk appearing in his side vision. Great. He was really not in the mood to talk right now. The Samoan was clearly oblivious of that fact, as he sat down across for him wearing his trademark heart-warming smile.
“Launching tomorrow. The big day. Ah, it seems like it was forever ago when we piled into the blue lion and blasted out into space. Man, we had no idea what we were getting into!” Hunk was his usual enthusiastic self, smile wide and hands gesturing wildly to communicate his excitement. Lance only halfway listened to what the Yellow Paladin was saying, too occupied with drowning in a pool of his own self-pity. “Yeah.” He mumbled, not even bothering to look away from his teacup. What was even the point in talking right now? He had nothing useful to contribute with. Hunk continued his monologue, positively gleaming with passion and determination.
“But now it’s different, we’ve seen it all. We’re rugged veterans now, going back into battle one last time.”
“Mm, yup.”
“Guess that makes us heroes or something? Like the type of heroes that would have their own TV show!” Hunk got all giddy and his excitement seemed to skyrocket as he talked about the concept. “Did you watch it, Lance? Ah, it’s so cool! It’s so cool!” No, he had not watched it. Frankly, he could not care less about how they interpreted him as a stupid cartoon character. This was weird, he noted, as we would usually have been over the moon about all the attention this would get him. Had he grown up, or did he just have too much on his mind? Nah, definitely the last one. Once the war was over and he had sorted out everything he would probably jump at the chance to see himself on screen, but right now it just felt superfluous and stupid. Hunk continued rambling about how the show depicted them as characters and Lance pretended to listen. In reality, he did not even catch half of what the other paladin was saying, but Hunk did not seem to mind.
“Keith is friendly. Haha! He’s happy all the time. I mean, they got it so wrong. Plus, I think they’re hinting at some romance between him and Allura.”
“WHAT?” Lance’s mouth opened so far he thought his jaw would dislocate. WHAT DID HE JUST SAY?!?! Keith and… Keith and Allura? Romance? So unlikely. Besides, Keith did not need anyone but him to make him happy. No, no, no. Not Keith, he meant Allura. He totally meant Allura. Besides, why would he even be upset, it was just a stupid show after all? Totally, no big deal.
“Keith and Allura? No, it should be Lance and Allura!” He stood up and yelled for emphasis, not sure if he was trying to convince Hunk or himself about his devotion to the princess.
“Ooh, a love triangle. I like where you’re taking this.” Hunk gave him an amused smirk, and Lance felt his ears grow hot. No, that was not what he meant. He just wanted Allura to himself. That was all. No Keith. Nu-huh. That was not a thing he had just thought about. Not even for a second. Confused, sad and exhausted from overthinking, he sighed and sat back down.
“No, no. It’s not about that.” He did not really know what it was about, and desperately tried to find the words to describe his emotional turmoil to his friend. But Hunk had already interpreted his statement in his own way, a knowing look crossing his face. Maybe he had seen it too? Maybe he could help him explain what the fuck was going on in his mind? But no, Hunk had just completely misunderstood his situation.
“Wait, that’s right. You said you were gonna ask Allura on a date. You asked her didn’t you? Oh, and she said no. Oh. Oh, man. Here I am rubbing your face in it.” Hunk grew visibly uncomfortable halfway through his reasoning, probably thinking he had hurt Lance by uttering that comment. The truth was he had not asked her yet. He changed his mind halfway there, suddenly feeling unsure about what exactly it was he was feeling for the current Blue Paladin, just as he was unsure about his feelings for the former red one. His mind was cluttered and nothing made sense. Oh right, he should respond.
“She didn’t say no.” Wow, that came out a little harsher than he intended it to. But he did feel very sad about his friend implying that his chances with the princess were that bad. He did have some good qualities, didn’t he? He could not come up with any examples on the spot, but that did not mean he was bad boyfriend material, did it? He felt his morale drop once again.
“I… Well, I never asked her.” He admitted.
“You chickened out?”
“I was going to ask her, but she’s been spending, like, every day in the med bay.” That proclamation was only halfway true, but Hunk did not need to know that.
“Maybe – Maybe this just isn’t the right time.” He cast his eyes downward, avoiding Hunk’s curious gaze.
“No, Lance. What? It’s the only time. After tomorrow we are back out in space fighting the Galra. There is no other time, literally.” Hunk’s eyes filled were abruptly filled with such a strong conviction that Lance was completely taken aback. “You’re asking her out today, and that is final, young man.” Well, maybe a push in the right direction was all he really needed after all. He tried convincing himself of that, but felt a strange pain in his chest that suggested the issue was of a more serious nature.
“I have one more item to discuss.” Shiro spoke in his usual, serious tone of voice. The one he always used to address important matters. The strategical meeting had been going on for quite some time now, and even though Lance knew just how important it was, he still felt like this was way too long of a time to spend sitting still and tentatively listening to tactical briefs. Especially with this much turbulence in his mind. All he could think about one moment was how to ask Allura out without looking like an idiot, but in the next, all he could think about was how to avoid asking her at all. His head hurt so bad, he felt like going back to his room and just sulk for a few hours, not bothering with thinking about neither Allura nor Keith. However, Hunk seemed determined to get him a date, so that was not happening.
“It’s our last night on Earth, and we’ve got a lot of hard work ahead of us. We may not be back home for years. So I’m ordering you… to take some time for yourselves. Be with the ones you love. You’ve earned it.”
Maybe Shiro was right, Lance thought to himself as he excited the meeting room. He should spend this time being happy with the people he cared about, not overthinking everything that had happened over the past months. He looked ahead of him, and saw silver hair tied up in a signature messy bun and ears accentuated with purple crystals, Allura. Ok, Lance, it’s now or never. He braced himself for rejection as he moved to speak.
“Hey, uh, Allura?” She turned around, the worried look she had worn for the past few days still plastered across her face. He wished she looked happier, he had not seen her smile in days. It broke his heart. Romelle, who had been walking next to her, turned as well, and he noticed Hunk in his side vision. Great. Now he had an audience too. As if this was not awkward enough to begin with.
“What is it Lance?” No. No, he could not do this. He was not brave enough. And she would reject him anyways. Yes, that was it. That was the reason. Not some stupid shit about a certain other paladin that made his heart ache for unknown reasons. He put up his most innocent look and desperately tried to come up with a different topic of conversation to save himself from having to ask the dreaded question.
“Oh, nothing much. Just, uh, checking in. So, how are… things?” Oh my god, he sounded like such an idiot. This was embarrassing. Where was the nearest exit? He had to run away, like, immediately.
“I’m sorry, but I really need to be getting back.” The constant worry, it was as if a cloud was hanging over the princess. He wanted to reach out and remove it, make her happy again. At the same time, he was relieved that she was dropping the conversation. Maybe he would get out of this unscathed in the end. But then again, he did want to spend some more time with her before they left Earth for what might be the final time.
“Oh, right, yeah. Ok. U-uhm, well, I don’t want to keep you, so…” She turned to leave before he was even finished speaking. Did she care about his feelings at all? He reminded himself that her mind was surely heavily occupied as well, with the whole “hostile Altean trying to kill us but we don’t know why” – situation. It must have been hard on her to discover that. She was just trying to do what she deemed necessary. Oh well, at least this meant he could sulk in peace for the rest of the night.
He was very wrong about that. As soon as he turned around, Hunk stood there hovering over him with a hard look in his eyes. Before Lance could react he had turned him back around, giving him a firm kick to the butt that sent him flying in front of Romelle and Allura, almost planting face-first into the floor. Ok, I guess I have to do it properly this time. He promptly turned around and started babbling quickly before he could change his mind again.
“Uh, actually, I was wondering if – Maybe, if you want to, you could have dinner with me tonight? A-and my family. Dinner with me and my family?” He was a stuttering mess, but Hunk was giving him two big thumbs up in the background, so perhaps he was doing ok. “My mom’s cooking for our last night together. I- I just thought you could join us.” He suddenly became aware of how he was twiddling his thumbs awkwardly. Dios mío, he was nervous. He swore he could hear Hunk’s teeth clattering in the background.
“That sounds wonderful, but I can’t.” Allura looked genuinely sad about having to reject him, maybe even guilty. She avoided his gaze, and he noticed Hunk slumping his shoulders in defeat. Even though he had been unsure about asking her in the first place, the rejection still pained him greatly. Who was he kidding? He would never be good enough for someone of her status. Out of nowhere, Romelle decided to speak up.
“Allura, I know you’re worried about Luca, but we’re worried about you. It’ll be good to get away for the night and clear your head.” Was she helping him? He felt a sudden boost of confidence. Romelle knew Allura; if she spoke up on his behalf then maybe he did have a chance? He was in so deep already, might as well try one last time. “Right. Yeah, all that stuff she’s saying. Totally.”
Allura’s eyes flickered up to his for a millisecond, and it was as if he could see the gears in her mind working, weighing out the positives and negatives. She was actually considering it. “Perhaps dinner would be nice. I’d love to.” WHAT??? His brain short-circuited and was filled with all kinds of emotions he could not comprehend. She actually said yes? He had not really prepared for this scenario at all; he had just assumed immediate rejection. This was great. This was amazing. Everything he had hoped for, right?
“Really? Awesome! Dinner tonight. Us. Yes.” He shot her his trademark smirk and finger guns, before forming a fist with his left hand in victory. He did it! He really went and did it! Never in his life had he thought this would be possible. Hunk interrupted his cheering moment by placing an arm over his shoulder and dragging him away with him, wearing an awkward smile. “Okay, Loverboy Lance. Now walk away before she changes her mind.” He sent Allura a nervous smile, but never got see if she actually returned it.
After that meeting, it had all gone downhill again. He spent nearly an hour pacing back and forth in his room, wondering what he should wear, what he should say. Allura was so serious, she did not like when he cracked jokes or was too loud. He needed to make sure he made a good impression. Not to mention his family, he hoped they did not plan to embarrass him; his sister had looked even more mischievous than usual when he told her about his dinner plans. Then there was that pang of guilt he had felt when he walked off. The intruding thought of “What would Keith think?” that had entered his mind. Why would he even care about what Keith would think? It did not make sense. Besides, Keith would probably just be happy for him and move on with his life like usual. It was not like Lance’s love-life had any effect on him. For some reason, that realization hurt. It hurt a lot.
He decided to stop drowning himself in his own thoughts and go do something productive with his time instead. Since he had asked the princess out, it was only fair to both himself and her that he tried to make the most out of their evening. But he did not really know how to do that. Should he bring her flowers? What flowers did Allura even like? It suddenly felt like he did not know the woman at all. Lance decided he needed expert help, and who better to talk to than Coran Coran The Gorgeous Man himself? He was the one who knew Allura best after all.
There he was, outside the door to Coran’s room, feeling all kinds of angst and nervousness. He had been frozen in the same spot for minutes, not daring to knock on the door, but not wanting to leave either. He had counted the number of muddy patches on his uniform boots thrice, desperately trying to keep his mind of what he had to do. It was unbelievable how nervous he was about this, but he could not just stay here worrying forever. Best to get it over with. He took a deep breath and knocked the door.
“Yeah?” The door opened immediately, and he was faced with Coran, who seemed busy dusting of his jacket of all things. He brightened up when he saw who was at his door, and sent a cheerful smile in his direction.
“Oh, Lance! To what do I owe this visit?”
“Hey, Coran. I wanted to ask you about Allura.”
“Sure what is it? No one knows her better than I do. Except for maybe the mice. They do have a telepathic connection to her, which seems like cheating to me.” Why did he have to be so strange all the time? Best to get to the point before he started talking for hours.
“Right, yeah. Well, I’m going on a date with her tonight and –“That was as far as he got before Coran exclaimed a loud “What?!” and eyed him with angry, accusing look.
“But you’re not even royalty! Or Altean! And you’re definitely not Altean royalty!” Coran was leaning over him now; spit flying from his mouth with every word uttered. Lance would need a shower after this. Way to rub it in, old man, he thought to himself. Like he was not already having doubts about being good enough for Allura.
“Whoa, Coran. Chill!” He flailed his arms desperately to get the moustached man to back off. He was way too far into his personal bubble for his comfort. “I don’t think Allura even cares about stuff like that.” Or did she? Come to think of it, Lance had never asked her. Maybe she did want a prince, like Lotor had been. Or an Altean. But with limited options, she settled for Lance. Why did he have to have such low self-esteem? Putting himself down did not help with the situation at all.
“It’s not just about Allura. Did you even acquire permission from her primary guardian?” Primary guardian? What was this, the 1850’s? Allura should be the one to decide whether she wanted to go out with him or not, not some dude or an Altean council or something. Granted, Coran was over 10 000 years old, so him being a bit old fashioned was to be expected. Lance decided to play along and not question his logic. It was easier that way.
“Well, who’s that?”
“Well, let’s see.” Coran scratched his skin, deep in thought. Then something seemed to dawn on him. “Ah, me!”
Before he knew what was happening, the older man was pushing Lance firmly out of the room. When he turned, Coran once again wore that serious mask on his face.
“Now, count to zingor, then knock.” Wait, what was happening? And what even was zingor? He had never been good with Altean numerals.
“But Allura already said… Ugh!” His protest fell on deaf ears.
Strange noises were coming from the room, and Lance grew nervous. Maybe Coran was assembling some kind of torture device in there that he would put him through if he deemed him unworthy of Allura’s grace? Okay, Lance, breathe. You got this. It’s just Coran, no biggie. It definitely felt like a big deal to him though. He took a deep breath, and knocked again.
It was if he had entered an old gangster movie or something. Soft piano music was playing in the background, and Coran was seated away from him a pompous purple saloon chair; there was even a lit fireplace there. How did he manage to set this up in a matter of seconds? The chair turned, and of course, Coran was wearing a robe and gripping a tobacco pipe. Could this get more awkward?
“Ah, Lance. Please have a seat.” He took a drag of the pipe, and Lance realized it had to be something different from tobacco, as bubbles of some liquid emerged from the end of it. Obedient as he was, he sat down on the puff placed in front of Coran’s chair, not knowing what to expect of the next few minutes.
“Exactly what makes you think you’re qualified for such a prestigious position? For example, who are you references?” Lance was growing increasingly sweatier by the second.
“Position? References? What are you talking about?”
“You see, I’ll need at least two notarized certificates of commendation speaking of your greatness from reliable sources before I’ll even consider giving you my approval. And… Hehe, you must do something about that outfit. Altean courting vestments are essential. Seeing as we’re not on Altea, we’ll just have to make do.” Oh god… Something told Lance he would not be leaving that room for a long time.
He was right. It had taken forever for Coran to dress him up in all kinds of weird attire and teach him proper ways to court an Altean lady. Coran had scolded him more times that he could count, and the only thing he had left with was an even lower morale and self-esteem than he had when he went inside, and that was saying something. Who was he kidding? Allura would never have him. He should have never asked her out at all. Damn Hunk and his insistent wing-manning.
Sighing audibly, he took a moment to stare down at his miserable get-up. If this was the closest Earth could get to Altean courting vestments, he did not want to see the real thing. A literal bucket was fastened to his head, he had pans as shoulder pads, Coran had draped some kind of fabric around him to resemble a cape, and was that sausages around his neck? He did not even notice that until now. He looked like a clown, which fit quite well since he felt like one too.
Lance spent the next half an hour roaming around the Garrison looking for something, or rather, someone. He did not realize exactly what he was searching for until he found it. There, atop the Black Lion, admiring the sunset with Kosmo at his side was Keith Kogane in all his glory. He looked so peaceful up there, like he and the wolf was alone in the world. Should he feel guilty about wanting to interrupt his peace? Nah, Keith would be ok with it. It was just him after all. And even though he did not always want to admit, the black paladin needed company sometimes, just like everyone else. Why was Lance here though? Why had his emotional disturbance lead him to Keith of all places? It was as if he was a moth and Keith was a beacon of light; he pulled him in with an irresistible mystical force he could not even begin to fathom. And in this light, he looked so… Beautiful, his heart supplied. What? Keith? Beautiful? No. Surely not. He had to be mistaking this feeling for something else. Anyhow, it was just oddly comforting to look at him like this. He rarely saw Keith this relaxed, it pleased him that the former red paladin managed to let down his guard once in a while.
Approaching slowly as to not disturb him with the racket that was his outfit, Lance climbed atop the Black Lion to get some well-needed advice. It had become a habit, he realized, to confide in Keith when he was feeling uncomfortable, unsure or insecure. He somehow always knew what to say to make Lance feel better. I guess that is why he makes such a good leader of Voltron.
“Man, you can be a real hard guy to find when you wanna be.”
“Hey, Lance. Whoa!” Keith looked like the spitting image of pure shock and confusion.
“What are you wearing?” Oh right, the horrible outfit. That was what made him look so astonished. He felt an embarrassed blush creep up on his cheeks. He probably looked ridiculous. Wait, why did he care about what Keith thought of his looks? They were just friends, bros, partners in crime and whatnot. It was not like Keith ever examined his body anyways, or did he? The thought made his blush grow deeper, and he decided to save that internal argument for a later time. Now it was time to vent. He moved to sit down beside the other boy, letting out a sigh of exhaustion in the process. This had really been a long day.
“Coran made it for me for my date with Allura.”
“A date with Allura? Wow, well done Lance.” He could see that his friend meant what he was saying, but something was off about Keith’s tone of voice. It sounded somewhat sad, defeated even. He could not quite wrap his head around it.
“Thanks, but it could be our last. I can’t keep all these Altean customs straight.” Keith gave him a soft, sympathetic smile.
“Listen, if she’s going out with you, it’s because she likes you. The annoying, stupid, Earth version of you.” Another one of those soft smiles, Lance chuckled, hiding the building giddiness inside of him. Was Keith trying to murder him? Because he was about to have a heart attack, like, right now. Seeing him smile like that was one of Lance’s favourite things. Hell, he could probably watch that smile for hours on end without growing tired. What was all these sensations? His whole body was tingling. He turned his head to overlook the horizon, Keith mimicking his actions on his right.
“You watching the sun set?”
“Yeah. Might be a while before we get to see it again.” Lance felt a sudden rush of homesickness. He had been without his family for such a long time, and now he was going to leave them behind again. It pained him more than he could ever explain.
“Man, I’m really gonna miss this place.”
“That’s why we’ve gotta end this war. And we’re gonna do it with the Lance that’s the Paladin of the Red Lion. The Lance that’s always got my back.” Keith was stilling looking away from him, at the sunset, but when Lance turned, he could see the mix of melancholy and fondness in his eyes. “And the Lance who knows exactly who he is and what he’s got to offer.” While speaking, Keith turned to face him, his eyes shining like amethysts in the deep light of the sunset, his smile blending him and melting him into a puddle all at once. Ok, now he was definitely giddy. He could not help but give the same smile back. This feeling, he had felt this before, hadn’t he?
‘We did it. We’re a good team.’
‘Hey Lance, I got your lion back.’
‘I think he’s like… the future.’
Lance felt his stomach filling with butterflies and his pulse quickening. Why did sitting here watching the sunset with him feel so… right? As if this was what he should be spending his last day on Earth doing, and nothing else. He panicked, got up, and backed away, almost falling off the side of the Black Lion in his frenzy.
“T-Thanks for the talk man. I gotta go…”
“No problem. Any time… Uhh, good luck on your date.” There was that melancholic look again. What did it mean?
“Thanks. See you later, man.”
Somehow, he was now less motivated for his date with Allura than ever.
*Ding dong*
“Come in, come in, my dear! Oh, you look wonderful. Doesn’t she look wonderful, Lance?”
“Wow. You look amazing.” And it was true, but something still felt… Off. He could not quite put his finger on it. He should have been ecstatic about this; instead, he felt only a slight flutter in his stomach. Not like the storm Keith had stirred up only hours prior. This really was a rollercoaster of a day.
“Thank you. You look nice too.” She smiled at him, but it felt as though she did not really mean what he was saying. And he completely understood that. Lance felt like such a poser in his round-collared sweater, wearing his shirt and formal pants. Veronica had stopped him when he went to pick out his new Garrison uniform, saying that he needed to “properly dress up” if he wanted to have a chance with her. But this clean, semi-formal look really was not his style at all. He felt foreign when he looked himself in the mirror before she arrived, like he did not know the man in front of him at all.
A nervous chuckle escaped his lips. “Well, it’s no Altean vestments, but…” Allura giggled. “Imagine you in a Forlongian brill hat.” A Forlongi what what? He joined her laughter as not to seem as out of place as he felt.
After introducing Allura to his family, they all sat down at the dinner table. Everyone was soon in deep conversation, and just as Lance had feared, the reoccurring topic was embarrassing stories about him.
“Yeah, Lance was always the baby of the family. It only took you coming to dinner to finally graduate him to the adult table.” Marco smirked. Lance sent him what he hoped was a murdering look from across the table. If they could just stop talking. This was embarrassing, goddammit. He did not want Allura to know all of this stuff; she would judge him for it, think of him as stupid and immature.
“Speaking of dates,” Veronica eyed him with a smug look, “maybe you can put in a good word for me with that long-haired friend of yours, hmmm?” KEITH? KEITH AND VERONICA? HELL NO!
“What? Keith?! No, no, no! hehehe… No way. No.” Why did this really rub him the wrong way?
His first reaction was denial. It was not because of his ‘feelings’ for Keith that he reacted so strongly to Veronica’s suggestion. Absolutely not. It was because they were not a good match. His sister needed someone amazing, and Keith was… Keith is more than amazing, his heart reminded him, Keith and I we – he’s just so – no one else can have him – mine.
The realization hit him like a freight train crashing into a mountainside at full speed. Keith? No, no, no, no, no. When? How? Why? He was… Didn’t he like girls? What about Allura? He still liked Allura, didn’t he? Suddenly everything made sense, but at the same time, his world felt foreign. This date with Allura, he was living a lie. He had been pining for this girl for years and she never even responded, yet here he was introducing her to his family when it should have been Keith all along. Keith who taught him how valuable he was to the team, Keith who let him pilot the Red Lion as his right-hand man, Keith with whom he had formed the wings of Voltron, Keith who always had his back no matter what. Keith who he… loved? Well, at least he cared about him as much more than a friend. He cared about him enough to feel incredibly jealous the second his sister even mentioned the idea of asking him out. Did Keith feel the same way?
‘And we’re gonna do it with the Lance that’s the Paladin of the Red Lion. The Lance that’s always got my back.’
Oh shit… He had to find him, he had to find him before it was too late. Once they got back into space, there would be no room for longing looks and bonding moments. But what would he even say to him? Keith thought he was in love with Allura, heck, he was on a date with her right now. Would he even believe Lance if he told him it was different? If he told him that he was a dense idiot not to see that it had been there all along? A soft ‘ahem’ coming from his mother interrupted his train of thought.
“Lance?”
“Uhhh, yeah?”
“I was just telling Allura about how you never bring girls over. She must be very special to you.”
“Yeah, she is.” He was not lying, but he did not imply the same things that his family did in that moment. Allura would always be special to him, she was his first real love interest, and he admired her courage and beauty so much. Nevertheless, he realized that the flame that burned for her had slowly faded after her relationship with Lotor, and since then, Keith and him had only been getting closer. Keith was the reason he managed to pull through all of that pain; Keith taught him that someone could value him for just who he is. That Lance was good enough and that he did not need to change to gain someone else’s favour. Allura might have been his first, but Keith was his present, his future.
His sudden rise from the chair lead to his entire family and Allura giving him questioning looks. He eyed the princess with a sad look; he hoped she would not be too mad at him for this.
“Allura… Everyone… I – I really need to go. There’s – There’s something I have to do before we leave tomorrow morning. I’m so sorry.” Then he proceeded to run upstairs to his bedroom to change into his Blue Garrison uniform. If he was going to live his truth, he really had to get out of this hideous outfit. He sent Allura another guilty look as he closed the door behind him. Please forgive me.
After going a few rounds back and forth with himself, trying to figure out what to say, what he really felt, Lance found himself outside the door of one of his seniors looking for guidance for the second time that day. He felt incredibly nauseous as he knocked on Shiro’s door, wondering for a second if he should just bail and give up on the whole thing. But his heart made him give in. He needed to figure this out. He needed to know.
“Hey, Lance. What brings you here? I thought you were on a date tonight.” Shiro’s calm demeanour made him feel a bit more at ease. Yes, he could confide in him. Shiro would know what to do.
“I- I…” he stammered, not sure how to express all his emotions in the right way. There was no way he could say it without collapsing right now, so he went for a different approach. “How did you know that you were in love with Adam?” It was as if Shiro’s entire being softened at the mention of his dead lover’s name. His shoulders relaxed and his eyes held a deep longing in them as he blinked back what Lance was sure must have been tears forming in his eyes.
“There was just something about him. From the very first time I saw him there was something about that man that made me go insane. It wasn’t necessarily love at first sight, more of a deep fascination, maybe even envy of his abilities; but as we grew to know each other I started feeling more and more connected with him. He was so kind, so caring of everyone around him. He always believed in me, and he always knew what to say to make me feel better in my darkest moments. That’s what I loved about him…” Shiro gazed off into nothingness with a longing look in his eyes. “I’m sorry, that was not very helpful, was it?”
“Actually, it was. Even though I know what falling in love feels like. Or at least, I thought I knew…” Carefully choosing his next words, he tried again.
“I meant… How did you know that you were in love with… You know… A guy..?” To his surprise, Shiro chuckled. “I didn’t. But in the end, I still knew. Deep down. No matter how much I tried to deny it. I was such a fool back then. Boy, girl, neither, does it really have to make a difference who we love? No one should be embarrassed of loving another person; it is the most beautiful thing you can experience. You should cherish it.” He was looking directly at Lance now, probably to get the message properly across. Shiro knew didn’t he? He did not have to say anything else. He knew what he was talking about, and he accepted Lance for who he was, and for who he loved; girl or boy. It was as if a huge burden had been lifted off his shoulders.
“Do you know where Keith is..?”
“I saw him head towards the Garrison facility gardens. If you’re quick, I bet you can still catch him.” A soft smile followed by Shiro ruffling his hair made him feel all weird and squirmish.
“And Lance, I’m proud of you.” He felt his heart swell to double the size at that comment. He was proud of himself too.
The Black Paladin was in the gardens, just as Shiro had said he was, leaning his back against the giant oak tree in the centre, his eyes closed and Kosmo resting in his lap. He was indeed beautiful. Lance would never deny himself of feeling that ever again. Keith had changed into his new Garrison Uniform too, and his features were further accentuated by that deep red colour. It contrasted so magnificently against his porcelain skin; Keith had always looked his best in red. Building up his courage, Lance went over and sat down next to the other boy, petting Kosmo affectionately on the head. Keith slowly opened his eyes, and Lance could swear that they gleamed with joy at the sight of him. His heart was so full of affection for this man that he feared it would burst out of his chest any minute. They stayed like that for a moment, just staring into each other’s eyes fondly.
“What happened to your date, Sharpshooter?” Keith teased him, bumping a fist to his shoulder and very visibly faking nonchalance. He decided to be brutally honest with him. This was the make-or-break moment.
“… I bailed like an idiot. Realized I had asked out the wrong person.” He took Keith’s hand in his, running his fingers over the calloused skin. Keith squeezed his hand, and he squeezed back, feeling his whole body burn with a fire so strong he was sure it would ruin him. He had forgotten how being so deeply in love had really felt like. Keith chuckled with amusement, his cheeks coated slightly pink. He had never seen Keith blush before; it was positively adorable.
“Took you long enough.”
“Hey, you didn’t exactly do anything about it yourself, Samurai!” They both burst out laughing at that, and Lance used this chance to move closer, placing his head on Keith’s chest and immediately feeling two strong arms wrap around him.
“You know.” He teased. “This reminds me of something.”
‘We had a bonding moment! I cradled you in my arms!’
“YOU SAID YOU DIDN’T REMEMBER!” Keith unwrapped one of his arms and used it to point an accusing finger at Lance’s chest, faking hurt but clearly still feeling amused.
“Well, you know me… I can be a bit of an idiot sometimes.”
“Yeah. But you’re my idiot.”
Lance closed his eyes, nuzzling into Keith’s chest once more. For the first time that entire day, he finally felt at ease.