Archive of Our Own ^beta

carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened memo on board NO GODS NO KINGS ONLY FRUITY RUMPUSES.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] responded to memo.

CG: DAVE AND I HAVE AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.
CG: SO LISTEN UP.

turntechGodhead [TG] responded to memo.

TG: please hold all questions until the end of the announcement
CG: YES, PLEASE.

ectoBiologist [EB] responded to memo.
tentacleTherapist [TT] responded to memo.
gardenGnostic [GG] responded to memo.

EB: can we guess what the announcement is?
TG: yes
CG: NO.
EB: you’re having a baby.
CG: NO.
TT: You’ve decided to move to New Finland.
CG: NO.
EB: you’re going through troll puberty and have laid eggs in dave’s stomach.
GG: ewww??
TG: yes
CG: NO! WHAT THE FUCK??
TT: You got married without telling anyone.
CG: ...
TG: ...
TT: What.
EB: WHAT.
CG: I WAS PLANNING ON APPROACHING IT MORE DELICATELY, BUT YES.
CG: DAVE AND I ELOPED. THIS MORNING.
TG: we will now take questions from the audience
EB: i have one!
EB: what the FUCK???
TT: I suppose congratulations are in order.
TG: well dont all jump at once
GG: how did this even happen???
TG: it was kinda spur of the moment yknow
CG: I WAS IN COURT THIS MORNING DEALING WITH THAT RESTRAINING ORDER.
TG: i was there as moral support
TG: and also to laugh at him
CG: AND THE JUDGE ASKED US IF THERE WAS ANYTHING ELSE WE WANTED TO DO.
TG: so i joked that we should get married
TG: and one thing led to another and then
TG: boom
EB: i cant believe you’ve done this.
GG: i can
CG: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! SORT OF.
TG: to be fair we were both pretty out of it
TG: stayed up all night cuz of
CG: THE RESTRAINING ORDER THING.
TG: yup
TT: Did that ever get resolved, by the way?
TG: yeah they dropped it
TG: dude seemed pretty miffed though
CG: I STILL MAINTAIN THAT I WAS TOTALLY IN THE RIGHT.
CG: WHY WOULD THEY PUT “ALL YOU CAN EAT” ON THEIR SIGN IF THEY DON’T EVEN MEAN IT!? THAT’S FALSE ADVERTISING.
TG: you tell em babe

gallowsCalibrator [GC] responded to memo.

GC: K4RK4T, 1M SURPR1S3D!
GC: 1 3XP3CT TH1S K1ND OF TH1NG FROM D4V3, BUT NOT FROM YOU!
GC: WH4T 4BOUT TH3 GLOR1OUS 1NST1TUT1ON OF M4RR1AG3?
TG: the glorious institution of marriage can kiss my ass
TT: Nice.
EB: i had so many plans for your wedding!!
EB: i was going to give an impassioned best man speech about naruto.
EB: i was going to play ALL THE pranks.
EB: now i have to wait until vriska’s wedding to do those things. :(
GC: 1F YOU PULL 4NY OF TH4T SH1T 4T OUR W3DD1NG 1 W1LL R3MOV3 YOUR THUMBS

aeonianCardiograph [AC] responded to memo.

AC: B33 < congrats you two!!!
TG: thanks dp
CG: THANKS
TG: its good to know at least one person isnt mad at me
AC: B33 < are you kidding me its romantic as fuck!!
AC: B33 < secretly anointing your love in the efurlasting bonds of human marriage…
AC: B33 < all thats left is fur the two of you to ride off into the sunset astride a noble steed
GG: wow
TG: but i dont own a horse

technicalTrot [TT] responded to memo.

TT: --> That can be rectified
TG: oh god
CG: OH GOD.
TT: --> Dave and Karkat
TT: --> I was EXTREMELY pleased to hear about your marriage
TT: --> Just f*cking going nuts over here in sheer e%citement
TT: --> However I must remind you that eloping is incredibly improper and generally frowned upon by human society
TG: man why cant you be supportive like davepeta
TG: or at least silently disappointed like john
EB: yeah!
EB: wait
TT: --> My apologies, I did not mean to upset you
TT: --> I was merely commenting on the deviant way in which you have acted
CG: OKAY BUT CONSIDER THIS: I DON’T CARE.

CG banned TT from responding to memo.

CG: ANYONE ELSE WANT TO CRITICIZE OUR LIFE CHOICES?

arachnidsGrip [AG] responded to memo.

AG: I don’t see what the 8ig deal is!
AG: What even is an elope?
GC: 1TS 4 K1ND OF HUM4N 4NTL3RB34ST, 1 TH1NK

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] responded to memo.

GA: You Are Thinking Of An Antelope
GA: An Elope Is An Orange Fruit
TT: That’s a cantaloupe, dear.
AG: Anyway, if Dave and Karkat want to get secret human fruit married, I don’t see the pro8lem!
AG: Hey Terezi, may8e we should elope!
GC: 4R3 YOU JUST S4Y1NG TH4T JUST B3C4US3 YOU W4NT TO G3T OUT OF W3DD1NG PL4NN1NG?
AG: Nnnnnnnno?
GC: W3LL TOUGH SH1T
GC: TH3R3 1S NO FORC3 1N P4R4DOX SP4C3 TH4T COULD STOP M3 FROM THROW1NG TH3 MOST G4R1SH, OV3R TH3 TOP HUM4N W3DD1NG 1M4G1N4BL3
GC: 4ND 1M DR4GG1NG YOU 4LONG W1TH M3
GC: B3C4US3 1 C4R3 >:]
EB: anyway, we’re not talking about whether they cantaloupe, we’re talking about whether they shouldaloupe!
AC: B33 < lmao
GG: lol
GC: BOOOOO
GA: Personally I Am Very Happy For You Both
GA: Although I Would Have Liked To Attend Your Wedding
GA: Do You Still Want The Outfits You Commissioned
TG: oh no dont get us wrong
TG: were still having a wedding
CG: WE'VE PUT TOO MUCH TIME AND EFFORT INTO PLANNING THE DAMN THING JUST TO CALL IT OFF NOW.
TG: it just wont be the official ceremony
EB: what??
EB: why didn't you say that earlier??
TG: we thought itd be funnier this way
CG: AND IT WAS.
GC: 1 C4NT B3LI13V3 YOU TWO
GC: SUCH TR1CK3RY! SUCH D3C31T!
GC: 1M HON3STLY K1ND OF PROUD! >:,]
TT: I should have realized you two were leading us on.
TT: I suppose it's our fault for not asking for clarification earlier.
TG: yall shouldve known we were still gonna have a party
TG: like id pass up on opportunity for crocker cake

uranianUmbra [UU] responded to memo.
gutsyGumshoe [GG] responded to memo.
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] responded to memo.

GG: I'm glad to hear that my skills are in such high demand, hoo hoo!
GG: I will be sure to inform Dad that our services are still required.
TG: oh hey the mom squad is here
TG: sup
TT: Dave.
TG: what
TG: theyre the mom squad thats their thing
TT: Sigh.
TG: yoooo congrats on ur engagemnet u guys
TG: *engagement
UU: yes, congratUlations!! ^u^
TG: do we gotta call you guys misters vantas-strider from now on
TG: actually its strider-vantas
CG: NO, IT'S VANTAS-STRIDER.
TG: we can arm wrestle for it

golgothasTerror [GT] responded to memo.

GG: Ah, arm wrestling! The pastime of kings!
GG: I have participated in many a friendly bout in my time! Mostly with robots though.
GG: What are we talking about?
CG: JAKE, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU.
CG: READ THE BACKLOG BEFORE JUMPING INTO A MEMO.

timaeusTestified [TT] responded to memo.

TT: You can't exactly blame the guy. We do tend to prattle on around here.
TT: Congrats on the marriage, you two. Way to buck the system.
TT: I assume everyone was properly scandalized?
TT: I certainly am.
UU: i think it’s awfUlly romantic, from a certain point of view!
AC: B33 < exactly!!
CG: OK, I THINK THAT’S EVERYONE WE NEEDED TO INFORM, RIGHT?
CG: OR ALMOST EVERYONE, AT LEAST
TG: good enough for me
TG: lets wrap this up
CG: THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR CONGRATULATIONS, WELL-WISHES, SNIDE COMMENTS, CAT PUNS, ETC.
CG: OUR WEDDING IS STILL HAPPENING ON THE SAME DAY, JUST DON’T EXPECT A LOT OF EMOTION DURING THE PRONOUNCEMENT. WE GOT THAT ALL OUT OF THE WAY THIS MORNING.
TG: i will probably still cry a little
CG: YEAH ME TOO.
CG: ANYWAY, THAT’S IT. ANNOUNCEMENT OVER.
CG: ANY LAST MINUTE REMARKS?
GG: we all love and support you!!
GG: also dave its your turn to do the dishes today
TT: Welcome to the marriage club. We have commemorative T-shirts.
EB: watch naruto
GC: WH4TS 4 N4RUTO?
AG: Don’t use up all the marriage 8efore Terezi and I get there!!!
GA: I Dont Think Thats How Marriage Works
AG: How would you know??
GA: Fair Enough
AC: B33 < watch naruto lol
UU: congratUlations once again!!
TG: karkat u still owe me 5 bucks but under th circumstances im willing 2 forgive that
TG: happy marriage
TT: What she said.
GG: Ditto!
GG: Best of luck, you two! We’re all very happy for you :B
TG: thanks guys
CG: YEAH, THANK YOU.
TG: im gonna go find a horse now
TG: but seriously thanks for being so cool about this
GG: of course!!
TT: We’re your family. And, frankly, we expect these kinda of shenanigans from you by now.
EB: we’ve always got your back!
CG: THANKS, JOHN. THAT MEANS A LOT.
CG: OKAY THAT’S IT. MEMO DONE.

CG banned EB, TT, and 10+ more from responding to memo.

CG: ...
CG: YOU ALRIGHT?
TG: yeah
TG: im fine
TG: <3
CG: <3

CG banned TG from responding to memo.
CG banned himself from responding to memo.

CG closed memo.