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James leaves on a Sunday, a terrible, dreary Sunday, too early for Alex to have any sort of coherent thought.
"It's just for a week," James murmurs as Alex clings to him, something he probably wouldn't do if he wasn't half asleep. "It'll be okay." He rubs Alex's back gently. "I've really got to go now or I'll miss my flight."
"Fine," Alex says, pulling James down and kissing him. They break apart and Alex reluctantly lets go of James. He sighs and kisses Alex on the forehead before grabbing his suitcase and stepping out the door. It hits Alex that they haven't been apart for more than an hour at a time since they moved in together, and that was months ago.
When James and Alex decided to move in together it wasn't like a big relationship decision or anything. At that point they'd been in some strange twilight zone, more than friends with benefits but not quite boyfriends.
"I mean the way I see it," Alex had began "we like each other, we like having sex with each other. Why wouldn't we move in together?" So it had all sounded very casual, but the thing about it was that no matter how you spun it living with someone you liked and also had sex with looked an awful lot like being in a serious, committed relationship.
Alex doesn't know what to do with himself, he crawls back into bed, which feels conspicuously large without James and sleeps until noon. When Alex wakes up he stumbles into the kitchen and forages through the refrigerator, he finds a half eaten burrito, microwaves it and eats it over the sink like some kind of animal.
After that he curls up on the couch and checks his phone for texts from James. There are few complaining about flying, Alex smiles and sends 'poor you' in response. He watches bad television and jerks off thinking of James.
He falls asleep on the couch with the tv playing quietly in the background.
…
The next morning Alex wakes up and checks his phone first thing, there's one from the previous evening that Alex missed,
hey al, just wanted to let u know i landed safely. xxx.
Something about it makes Alex feel soft. His phone chimes a moment later.
fuck, my mum keeps asking me if i've got a girlfriend. what should i say?
Alex stares at the text a minute, he knows James' family don't even know he likes men, so he shouldn't be offended that James is on the fence about telling them about him, but something about it still stings. Alex types out a snarky response.
probably no. i mean, unless you've got a side chick i don't know about?
fuck off, al. you know what I mean. should i tell her about you?
if you want
i do. but it's kind of terrifying. what if they react badly? that'll really make whole week uncomfortable, and it's my cousin's wedding. I don't want to make it about me.
you'd just be answering your mom's question, if your family wants to make a big deal about it then that's not your fault.
you're right. thanks al... i guess i've got to do it sooner or later.
let me know how it goes?
of course xx
also just because i'm not there doesn't mean you can be gross ok? you'd better shower and take care of yourself
Alex grins down at the phone. He does what James says and takes a long, hot shower. He makes himself breakfast and films a video afterward, but the whole time he's waiting for a text or a call from James. It finally comes late that evening.
"Hey," Alex says. "How'd it go?"
"Uh, Alright?" He says as though he's not entirely sure himself. Alex frowns. "I told her I had a boyfriend and she got really quiet for a while, after a minute she just said 'well if that's how you want to live your life.'"
"That's..." Alex doesn't know what to say. James sighs.
"Yeah it's not great," he says. "But it's not like she's disowned me at least?"
"Yeah," Alex says. "You alright?"
"I'm fine," James assures him. "What about you? You surviving without me looking after you?"
"Oh fuck off," Alex laughs. "I'm doing great, actually."
"Hm, well good," James says softly. "I miss you." Alex feels his insides melt.
"Yeah," he says. "Yeah, I uh, I really miss you too."
"I'll have to start bringing you on trips, huh?" Alex grins.
"I bet your mum would love that," he says.
"She'll come around," he says. And then, "shit I've got to go, bye Al."
"Alright lo–" he catches himself before he can finish. "Bye James."
…
On Wednesday George comes over to film a video. When they're done they order pizza and eat on the couch.
"This place is disgusting without James keeping it clean," George mutters through a mouthful of cheese. Alex glares.
"You're disgusting," he retorts. Then after a moment, "is it weird that I really miss him?" George shrugs.
"Tends to happen when you're in love with someone, doesn't it?" He says. Alex sputters.
"In love?" He says. "Who said I was in love?" George looks up at him and stares silently for a minute.
"Jesus. You're such a fucking moron." He says finally, shaking his head.
That night is the rehearsal dinner for James' cousin's wedding, so they can't talk on the phone and Alex feels particularly lonely. Like some kind of disgusting lovesick teenager he takes one of James sweatshirts and puts it on, it's huge on him and smells just like James. He sprawls out on the bed that's much too big for just one person and tries to watch a movie on his laptop.
He can't concentrate on the movie. He keeps thinking about what George had said earlier. Of course he was right, obviously Alex is in love with James, and it's not exactly a shock seeing as they've been dating for a few months now. It shouldn't be that big of a deal, but Alex supposes the whole falling in love thing really snuck up on him. They were friends and then they were fucking and then they were living together and sleeping in the same bed and holding hands out in public and now Alex is in love. He wasn't quite prepared for this.
Alex's phone rings around one in the morning and thankfully he's still awake, tossing and turning. He scrambles to hit accept call.
"Hey," Alex says softly.
"Did I wake you up?" James asks.
"Nah," Alex says. "What's up?"
"Nothin'," James says. "Just wanted to talk to you." He's slurring his speech a bit.
"How was it?" Alex asks.
"It was fine, I drank a lot and tried to avoid my grandmother," he says. Alex snorts.
"Sounds like a good time,"
"I'm gonna sleep now. You should to." James tells him.
"Goodnight, James," Alex says sleepily.
"'Night Alex. Love you," and then he hangs up before Alex can say anything else. Alex's heart doesn't stop pounding ft the next few minutes.
…
James gets home at five on Saturday morning. Alex is still half asleep when he hears footsteps outside the bedroom. He feels James crawl into bed next to him, hug Alex to his chest and kiss the back of his neck. Alex cracks his eyes open.
"Hi," he says, barely more than a whisper. He rolls over so he's facing James. "Missed you." James kisses him and it's surprisingly gentle. He'd expected their first kiss after James got back to be desperate and hard and impatient.
"I missed you too," James says into the crook of Alex's neck. He takes a deep breath and tightens his arms around Alex. "So much."
"I love you," Alex says. It's sleepy and quiet and familiar in his mouth.
"I love you too," James says laughing and kissing his neck.