Work Text:
“Kim Namjoon! Kim Seokjin! Min Yoongi! Jung Hoseok! Park Jimin! Kim Taehyung! Jeon Jeongguk! BTS!”, the fans chanted as they finished their last song. Panting and covered in sweat they left the stage and returned to their room. Taehyung grabbed his bottle and sat on the couch.
“We did great, guys.” Namjoon spoke to his members and patted Jin's shoulder. Taehyung let his eyes wander over the others until they locked on one of them. Jeongguk panted through jis slightly parted lips. His shirt was soaked and sticked to his body. That made his toned abs visible. How could someone look so perfect?
“Ehm…Hyung?”, Jeongguk looked at the older and began to feel a little uneasy under his gaze.
Said boy quickly looked away and mumbled: “Sorry, Kookie.”
Taehyung quietly cursed himself. How could he even think about that? As they changed into more comfortable clothes, Taehyung got to the other side of the room to prevent him from staring at the younger biy again. When he finished, he grabbed his stuff and turned towards the exit. Suddenly he felt an arm wrapped around his shoulder.
Slightly scared he turned his head to meet Jimins eyes. “Hey Tae. Are you alright? You seem a bit absent right now.”
Taehyung forced a bright boxy smile onto his face. “Ne Jiminie-Hyung, of course. Just a bit tired.”
It seemed as if the older boy was buying it. Just as the other hoped, he turned away and Taehyung could continue his way out of the backstage room. He arrived at the van, jumping onto the seat in the far back, hoping to be left alone. But luck wasn't with him. Five minutes later Jeongguk let himself fall onto the seat next to him. Taehyung tensed and tried to avoid the younger boy. But that was harder than he thought. Every here and then he would throw quick glances towards him. Finally everyone was inside the van and they started to head back to the dorm. When they arrived Taehyung rushed into the room he shared with Namjoon and let himself fall onto the bed . He buried hi face in the pillow and let out a silent cry of frustration.
Why him? Why did he have to feel this way?
He couldn't even look at Jeongguk without feeling a growing sensation inside of him. Just hearing the younger's voice would make him shiver. Taehyung felt vulnerable and could hardly find the strength to smile now. Before he could continue his thoughts, Namjoon came through the door and interrupted him.
“Taehyung-ah…”
Namjoon started to say but got cut off by the younger: “I'm gonna take a shower, Hyung.”
He rushed into the bathroom and left the leader behind dumbfounded. Taehyung shut the door behind him and turned towards the mirror. He could do nothing but stare at the reflection. An unknown face was staring at right back at him. He could see the same facial features as before, but still. It wasn't the face he used to know. The small smile on his lips and the enthusiasm and optimism, that once brightend his eyes, were gone. The person in the mirror looked drained and exhausted. Taehyung forced himself to turn away from his reflection. He toon off his clothes and stepped into the shower. As he felt the water raining down on him, he could feel the stress being washed away with it but the pain in his heart stayed. Taehyung sighed and leaned his forhead against the wall. He didn't know, hiw long he was stayed like this. Just standing there and letting the water hit his body.
Suddenly there was a banging on the door. “Taehyung-ah! Are you alright in there? You've been there quite a while now.” Namjoon asked. His voice sounded worried. The younger sighed and turned of the shower to grab a towel. He dryed himself with it and wrapped it around his waist.
“Taehyung-ah? Could you please answer me?” Namjoon’s voice became impatient and the younger boy decided to not worry him any longer.
“I'm coming, Hyung.” He opened the door and pushed himself past the older.
“Taehyung-ah…?”
“I'm sorry, Hyung.”
Namjoon’s woory for the younger grew. Where was the smile that used to decorate his face? Namjoon was the bandleader. He should be aware of the problems his friend had to cope with. He should help and be there for him. Namjoon felt like he was failing in his responsibilities.
Without any other word to his Hyung Taehyung changed into his pyjama and crawled under the blanket of his bed. Namjoon watched as he pulled the sheets over his head until he was hidden from the olders sight. Now Taehyung couldn't hold them any longer. Tears ran down his face and fell onto the pillow. The boy felt vulnerable and although his bandmates where there, all he could feel was loneliness. He was afraid of the others’ reaction if they'd find out about the feelings he developed for their Golden Maknae. But what he was scared most about, Jeongguk himself.
How would the younger react?
He would probably be disgusted and ignore him. And even if that wouldn't be the case, there'd still be an awkward tension between them. There was no way Jeongguk could reprocate those feelings. As Taehyung thought about that, he felt his heart break a little more. More and more tears ran down his cheeks. With all of his remaining strength, he stayed silent and held back the sobs, which wanted to escaped his throat. His roommate shouldn't know about him crying, he just shouldn't. Taehyung didn't really notice how much time passed, but Namjoon’s deep and steady breath told him, that his Hyung was asleep by now. Taehyung concentrated on that to calm his own breath and eventually fell asleep.
The next morning didn't bring any kind of relief. Taehyung still felt the stinging pain in his heart. Carefully he crawled out of his blanket and went into the bathroom. After he showered, he saw it. Lying on the sink was a razor. The boy was mesmerized by the appearance. He could just concentrate his pain elsewhere. Maybe the knot he felt in his chest would loosen up a little bit. It was like the razor was calling him to take it and run it through his skin. His hand nearly reached it as another thought came to his mind. Self-harm was no solution. He would just ruin his skin and it would be easier for the others to discover his struggles. They'd find out about his feelings and that was something, he wanted to prevent from happening. He wasn’t sure how they'd react. And because there was the possibility of rejection and disgust, he thought it would be better for them to never discover his secret.
Taehyung quietly pushed his thoughts aside, got dressed and went towards the kitchen wheree the others were already waiting for him with breakfast. Of course Jin had made it, so it would be delicious without a doubt.
“Good morning, Tae.” Jimin greeted him with a bright smile. Although Taehyung felt disstressed on the inside, he didn't show it.
He put on his boxy smile and greeted back: “Good morning, Hyung.”
Then he turned his attention towards the others. “Morning, Hyungs and Jeongguk.”
He sat down and started to eat. Just then he realised the mistake, he made.
Jeongguk felt something in him break. Taehyung never called him just by his name. He always used one of his nicknames.
Why? What happened? Did he do something wrong?
All those thoughts ran through his mind. He always loved, how the older would call him “Jeonggukie" or “Kookie". There would always grow a warm feeling inside of him. But all there was now, was shock and insecrurity.
“Taetae…?”, he asked quietly and hoped his Hyung would talk to him.
His hopes were unfullfilled. Taehyung stayed silent and continued to eat. Jeongguk felt the anger rising inside. But he didn't want to make a scene in front of his Hyungs. He would have a talk with Taehyung later.
As they finished eating, Namjoon spoke up: “So Bang PD-nim called me earlier and congratulated us to that successfull concert yesterday. He also told me that he's going to give us a day off. So the next thing will be scheduled tomorrow.”
Everyone became happy at the news. Well except for Taehyung. A day off wpuld mean a lot of time he would have to spent near Jeongguk without the distraction of practice or an interview. The biy internally groaned. He got up, brought his dishes into the kitchen and started to head back to his room, without noticing a certain Maknae following him.
As soon as they were out of their Hyungs' sight, Jeongguk caught up and dragged the other into his own room. He was really happy that he had his own room, since they moved. Now they could talk in privat. He didn't want to get interrupted by anyone.
Taehyung was startled by the youngers action. When he saw the the boy approach him, he averted his gaze. He felt so uncomfortable in this situation. Why did that boy have to look so damn sexy?
“Taetae…?”, Jeongguk repeated his question from before.
This time Taehyung couldn't avoid him, couldn't pretend to not hear him. He stood directly in front of him and noone else was there.
“Hm?”, he hummed in response but still didn't look at the boy before him. Jeongguk’s heart began to sink again.
“Why are you like this? Is it something that I've done?” He took a few steps towards the older.
“I don't know, what you're talking about.” Taehyung tried to avoid the answer. Why did Jeongguk come closer?
“You know exactly, what I'm talking about!”, Jeongguk felt the anger return. “You called me Jeongguk earlier. You never use my name! Never!”
Taehyung bit his lip. “I…I…”
He just couldn't find the right words. He couldn’t just tell him the truth. But seeing th younger in such a disstressed state, wasn't better eather. He didn't know what to do.
“You what?”, Jeongguk asked angrily as small tears started to form in his eyes. All the older could do now, was stare at the ground. It was impossible for him to look the other in the eyes.
“Do you know, how much you hurt me?”, Jeongguk continued. “At first I thought you weren't feeling well yesterday. But now? I can't stand it, when you’re like this. You're my best friend and you mean so much to me. If there is anything wrong or if I did anything wrong, then you can talk to me.”
When Jeongguk said that, Taehyung felt a sting in his heart. Although he didn't want to. There was it, the word his heart didn’t want to hear. “Friends". He knew this wasn’t a possibility, but deep inside he felt a longing.
‘I want to be more than just friends', he thought.
Suddenly Jeongguk froze. Finally Taehyung could find the strength to lift his gaze but whatvhe saw confused him. The younger stood there and just stared at him with wide eyes.
“What did you say?”
Taehyung’s confusion grew until realization hit him. “I…I…”
And again he didn't now what to say. He couldn't believe, he just made that mistake. Now Jeongguk knew about him and his feelings. Their relation would never be the same. Without waiting for the other’s response, he pushed himself past him and made his way towards the door. But before he could reach it, a sudden grab on his wrist stopped him. Jeongguk spinned the older around to face him again.
“Tae, look me in the eyes.” Slowly said boy lifted his gaze and was astonished by the softness that laid in the youngers eyes. But there was also something else, insecurity.
“Did you really mean, what you just said?” Again Taehyung averted his gaze, but in a swift move Jeongguk pulled his face back up.
“Answer me, Tae!”
The older knew, he didn't have anything to loose anymore, so he slowly began to nod. Tears started to fill his eyes. Through his blurry vision he could still see the younger boy biting his lower lip.
Before he could do anything Jeongguk lunged forward and gently pressed his lips against the older's. Taehyung’s eyes widened in shock. Soon the shock was over and he began to kiss back. Their lips moved in sync. As they parted and gasped for air, both of them had a small smile curling their lips.
“Wow…Kookie…what?”, Taehyung stuttered and tried to find an answer for this, while his mind was a mess.
“I like you a lot, Tae. As I realised my feelings, I was scared of your reaction, so I didn’t tell you.” Jeongguk shyly stared at the ground.
Taehyung’s heart skipped a beat. Could that be real right now? He wasn't dreaming, right? He carefulmy stepped closer and closed the gap between them. He then engulfed the younger in a loving hug and burried his face in the crook of his neck.
“You don't know, how happy you make me right now. I was completly dewasted because of my feelings for you. I thought, there was no way you could love me back. I constantly felt this stinging pain in my heart, when I saw you. You're just so perfect in every way, I can think of. And now I'm the luckiest man alive. I love you, Kookie.”
He mumbled and released from the hug to look him in the eyes. There he stood now and stared at the most beautiful being, god created. Only one thing was still left for him to do.
“Jeon Jeongguk.” The younger nodded in response.
“Do you want to be my boyfriend?”
Jeongguk’s eyes brightened and he violently nodded. “Yes.”
Taehyung showed his boxy smile, this time he didn't have to fake it. This was real. He was happy. Without hesitation he crushed his lips onto Jeongguk’s, who immediatly kissed back. Their kiss was full of love and passion. They found eachother and everything was perfect.