Work Text:
Above him, Sam could hear Dean’s voice screaming his name, but he couldn’t do much about it. He was trapped underneath the ice. The cold didn’t bother him much, but not being able to breathe was problematic. It could have been a lot worse, naturally. For example, it could be Dean trapped under here and him stuck up there unable to help.
Why even was there a seal all the way out here? It didn’t matter to angels or demons that it was in the middle of an ice-covered lake most of the year, Sam guessed, but still. At least he and Dean had saved the seal – but in the process, the ice cracked, and Sam was swept under ice at least a foot thick. He could feel himself fading, and as Dean’s voice quieted, Sam let his thoughts turn to Castiel. He hadn’t had the opportunity to speak to the angel since the avalanche that had nearly killed him and Dean. Well, Castiel wouldn’t have to wait for him to show up in Heaven. Give it a couple hours, and he’d either be there or in Hell and Castiel would know not to bother.
Suddenly, Sam was warm, dry, and wrapped in something soft and fluffy. It covered him completely, so that all he could see was darkness, but it smelled like ozone and smoke – but a good kind of smoke, like sitting by a campfire. “Sam. Is there a reason I had to learn of your impending death from Dean, instead of from you?” Castiel’s voice, coming from nearby, caught Sam by surprise.
“Well, uh…” Now that he was safe, Sam felt a little ridiculous about not having prayed to Castiel for help. This was a seal, so Castiel could intervene. He hadn’t used his powers at all, so there was no reason for Castiel to punish him. Most importantly, Castiel would save him because if Sam died, Dean would refuse to work with Heaven anymore. “Let the world burn”, Bobby had told him Dean said last time he died. Castiel would have come, would have saved him. Sam had no good excuse. “I didn’t think of it. I should have. I’m sorry. I’ll try my best to avoid there being a next time, but if there is anyway, I will pray for help.”
“I’m glad to hear that. If something happened to you…” Sam’s blanket tightened around him. “How are you feeling?”
“Great, really. Not at all like I should be after nearly freezing and drowning.” Sam took stock of himself. The toe he’d stubbed the night before and broken a nail on didn’t hurt a bit. None of the usual aches and pains of a hunt. No remaining sense of cold, no urge to cough up water, nothing. The only mildly worrying thing was that he wasn’t at all worried about not being able to see anything. He should be freaking out about having lost his vision, not just calmly accepting that most likely whatever he was wrapped in was blocking his sight. “Is this because of you? I feel better than I have since I was at Stanford.”
“I’m glad to hear that. It may not last, once I take you back to Dean some of the typical discomfort may come back, but your injuries and anything caused by the lake will stay gone.”
“Where is Dean? Is he okay? Does he know I’m safe?”
“He knows you’re with me, and informed me that if I’m lying to him about my wish to talk to you having nothing to do with the seals or your powers or Ruby, then he will find a way to make me wish he could kill me.” Sam huffed a soft laugh at that. “I healed his injuries before I brought you here, and he’s currently at a bar undoing my healing of his liver.”
“Yeah, that sounds about right,” Sam said. “Where is here, anyway?”
“A forest on the slopes of Mount Kilimanjaro. It’s quiet and warm and somewhere you were unlikely to ever go on your own.”
Wow. Now Sam wished he could see it. As if responding, the blanket wrapped around him loosened, falling away from his eyes. The forest around him was absolutely breathtaking. “Wow. Thank you, Cas, this is amazing.” He looked back to Castiel, and did a double-take as he realized just what, exactly, he was wrapped in. “I thought seeing your wings would burn my eyes out.”
“There are some people who are capable of beholding limited parts of an angel’s true form without danger. Otherwise, we’d never be able to take a vessel, because we couldn’t talk to the person to get their consent. You’re capable of seeing my wings, but I know you can’t hear my true voice without discomfort. Honestly, I didn’t expect that. I thought you would be able to feel them, but not to see them.” Castiel smiled softly. “It certainly makes explaining your healing easier if you can see them. Easier to believe.”
“Yeah. Wow.” Sam stared at the glossy black wings wrapped around him. Admittedly, he’d never even tried to imagine what it would be like to be held in an angel’s wings, but if he had, he didn’t think he’d have expected them to be this… soft. He could stare at them forever, but… Castiel had brought him here for a reason. “If it’s not Apocalypse-related, what did you want to talk to me about?”
“I’ve been frustrated with my inability to explain myself when we spoke after the avalanche. I’ve been thinking about it ever since, and I believe I can do better now.”
“Oh.” Sam hoped his sudden burst of embarrassment wasn’t as obvious to Castiel as it felt. He’d made the mistake of telling Dean about that conversation, and ever since, Dean had been teasing him about the angel with a crush on him. He was more grateful than he could say that Castiel hadn’t told Dean what this was about. “What did you come up with?”
“Me, not much. I talked to one of my closest friends in Heaven, and he came to the conclusion that I’m in love with you. It certainly explains why I feel so differently about you than Dean, despite my strong attachment to you both.” Castiel rolled his eyes. “The fact that half of Heaven is convinced that I have feelings of that nature for Dean is quite annoying, so it took a while to admit that Balthazar is likely correct.”
“You think so?” Sam wrinkled his brow. “But… isn’t that why Anna chose to Fall? Because she didn’t want to live with suppressing her emotions anymore? Why would they think you have feelings for Dean?”
“Inias says it’s inevitable, that when an angel retrieves a soul from Hell and heals the corruption that they can’t help but fall in love. That it’s considered God’s will, otherwise the attempt to raise the human would have failed. I’ve tried explaining to them that as the Righteous Man who can stop Lilith, Dean’s soul bore no corruption from Hell. Scars, yes, but he was never going to become a true demon. There was no corruption to heal.” Castiel narrowed his eyes, staring at Sam. “Maybe it’s true, it is inevitable, but given the unique bond between you and your brother, and the corruption your soul did have from Azazel and Ruby, I fell for you instead.”
Sam drew in on himself. He should have known there was a catch, and this was a freaking huge one. Of course it was a mistake. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“What for?”
“It should have been Dean. Instead, you got…”
Castiel reached out, taking Sam’s face between his hands. “Instead, I got you. There was no bad option in there, and of the good options, I believe I got the best one. Including the option of the stories of inevitability being exaggerated and not falling for either of you.”
Sam disagreed, but there wasn’t really much point arguing, was there? “So what happens now?”
“When you’re ready, I take you back to your brother. You get on with trying to help him heal while you save people and destroy evil. I get back to monitoring and protecting seals in the hopes of stopping the Apocalypse. I hope that you find the faith to call me when you need me.”
“That’s… that’s not… what I meant, exactly,” Sam stammered out. “I meant about…”
Castiel shrugged. “If you don’t return my feelings, then there’s not much to do, is there? I told you of mine to explain my concern for you, and because I believe it will help you have faith in yourself. If you do come to return my feelings, please tell me that.”
“I’ll do that, but, uh…” Sam paused for a moment. “Can you come visit when there’s not an emergency? Just to hang out for a bit? I know the Apocalypse is looming, but everyone needs a break now and then.”
“Angels don’t, but as long as there is no active danger to a seal, I can do my job just as easily with you and Dean as sitting in Heaven.” Castiel paused, letting his hands drop. “There is one other thing you should know. Jimmy Novak has gone home to his family. He allowed me to recreate his body to serve as my vessel – it’s difficult, and dangerous, because it requires converting a piece of a human’s soul to matter, but it is possible to create an empty vessel that is identical to the human who donated soul. Jimmy insisted that you be told.”
“That is kind of important to know,” Sam said. “Thank you for telling me, it makes a difference in what could happen in the future. If you take me back to Dean, will you be able to stay for a while now?”
“Yes. Is that what you want, then?”
“Yeah.” Sam closed his eyes as the wings unwrapped from around him. Even though the flight was instantaneous, he still felt the wind and saw the wings spread and fold back down. Flying with Castiel would likely never be the same again, and Sam looked forward to testing that theory.