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The first thing she feels is the cold; coldness surrounding all of her senses. It’s dark, and for a moment she wonders if she’s dead or dreaming. She can hear something, but it’s dull and muffled. Finally, the curtain is lifted and she’s pulled from the water. She feels herself gasp, realizing she hadn’t been breathing. River water drips from her, chilled further by the night air.
Nora tries to take in her surroundings, but the dull pounding in her head and blurred vision don’t help. She feels weak, limbs barely able to move. It’s a strange complicitness forced upon her, likely from the bliss. Sparks in her vision and the strobing colors confirm that.
Looking around, she sees others like her, forced under the water by similar looking grimy peggies. One stands in front of her, blocking most of the event from her view. He has his hand on her shoulder, and that’s enough reason for her to kill him. But she can’t will her arms to move, just grab his hand, pull his fingers back, twist his neck, steal the gun. Simple, but she can’t. This is quite a situation she’s gotten herself into, isn’t it?
When the man pushes her forward, she can feel her feet move, sending her forward. Forward towards- her breath hitches at the sight. John Seed stands in front of headlights at the edge of the river. She can hear it now, his voice preaching of sin and atonement, his book of Joseph faithfully in his hands. She should have recognized it. She’s heard it enough times over the radio by now, teasing and mocking him every chance she gets. They’ve been playing this game for awhile, yet she’s never been this close. Somehow she always enjoys his ridiculous bantering, but up close, she’s not so sure.
He stops mid-sentence upon seeing her. Even in the dark, she can see the way his ocean blue eyes sparkle, gaze glued to her. It’s a little too intense, gives her goosebumps, but she doesn’t let that show. He’s taller than her by a fair amount, and she can tell he’s well built. She notices the key hanging around his neck by the leather chord, laying on his bare chest where he refuses to button up his shirt all the way. The sin etched into his skin, Sloth, looks red, as if it were freshly cut, and she wonders why. Why that sin, and how long has that mark been there?
“Not this one,” he says, raising his hand to stop the man pushing her. “This ones not clean,” John says, handing his book off to the peggie beside him.
She lets out a quiet chuckle just to watch his reaction. "I thought you liked it dirty."
His expression is untelling, calm before the storm. He shakes his head at her before shoving her under the water again. She could anticipate it that time, feeling a little more in control. There’s no panic when cold waters rush over her again. It’s short and only momentary, not even pushing her to be out of breath.
When John pulls her out of the river he has the fakest endearing look in his eyes. That is until Nora spits a mouthful of water into his face. He recoils in anger, but she can only laugh.
“What? Are you going to spank me next?” she teases. Maybe if she wasn’t high on bliss, she would realize that it isn't wise to piss off one's captors, but John is just so fun to mess with.
He scowls at her, nose wrinkling in anger, but a sick smile remains at the corners of his lips. “Whatever it takes,” he mutters so that his followers don’t hear him as he begins to shove her under the water again.
This time he's interrupted, an unfamiliar voice stopping him in his tracks. “Do you mock the cleansing, John?”
There’s regret on his face in less than an instant, brows furrowing. And Nora can see something creep into his eyes she never thought she would witness coming from John Seed. Like a scared dog, like a beaten puppy, John gingerly turns, not to face the voice, but with eyes downturned. His movements are slow and careful. The strong grip he had on her shoulders softens, but she can feel a tremble in his fingers before he retracts his hand.
“No, Joseph-” It’s quiet, so quiet. Not the boisterous and proud man he normally is. He’s cut off before he can even finish.
“Shh”
Oh.
Maybe it’s the bliss. Maybe it’s the stress and Nora has lost her mind, but she knows what’s happening. She knows it. She’s seen it before and her heart feels weird for John. Her eyes shift to Joseph, watching carefully to see how he’ll handle this. He stands on dry ground near the headlights, arm outstretched to them.
“You have to love them, John. Do not let your sin prevent that.” he says, voice all too even for her liking. Joseph strikes a fear in her the other siblings don’t, despite how he works to make himself seem calm and unimposing. She expects John to answer, but he doesn’t, staring at the same distant spot as before as if he was trying to make himself smaller. She notices the way he swallows heavily, awaiting Joseph’s next command. “Bring that one to me.”
John steps back, and the peggie from before is pushing her forward. Feeling her feet bringing her towards Joseph is infinitely more frightening than being brought to John was. She can feel the panic growing in her chest. She wants to reach out, claw at John and beg him to keep drowning her- not because she wants to be drowned, but because that somehow seems safer than this.
Joseph’s arms are outstretched to her, but it’s not welcoming. When she’s in reach, he grips her shoulders tightly, bringing her much closer to him than she had hoped for. Her normally smart mouth is at a loss, too disturbed to say anything.
He stares at her through yellow glasses, eyes always too intense with little distinguishable emotion, staring up from the way he keeps his head downturned ever so slightly. Nora tries to struggle, but it’s useless. Nothing happens. It feels as though he is staring right into her soul, and there’s nothing she can do to hide.
“You are not beyond salvation. You are not here by accident. Now, it remains to be seen if you embrace it.” Joseph stops, his eyes shift downward, but she can almost feel the way they rake over her. His gaze returns to her face the same way. “Or to cast it aside.”
Joseph watches her for a long few seconds before his hands slip from her shoulders. He runs them down the side of her arms before stepping back. Her head turns, watching him as he moves to the side of her. She hadn’t even realized that John was standing next to them. John's expression is the same as before, if not worse. He doesn’t meet Joseph’s eyes, but Joseph places a hand on John’s shoulder. She can sense how his body tenses at the touch.
“This one shall reach the atonement,” Joseph says, voice the same as when he talked to Nora. He reaches behind John’s head and John bows, allowing Joseph to press their foreheads together. She can see… suffering on John’s face. The way he closes his eyes, the way his forehead wrinkles. She’s seen this behavior a million times. “Or the gates of Eden will be shut to you, John.”
Ah.
“Yes, Joseph.” John says again, meeker and quieter and quicker than before. He keeps his head bowed, even as Joseph brushes his hand over John’s hair and steps away from them.
Nora can hear Joseph’s steps in the dirt and rocks below them, and something comes over her. She turns her head toward him as she speaks. “So, you abuse your brothers, too, then?”
Joseph stops in his tracks, not turning to see her, but pauses.
“Threaten their home, salvation, place in the family? You see, I thought maybe you were just manipulating your flock. I didn’t realize that applied to family, too. Or… is it just John? Faith, maybe?” Nora says, there’s venom in her voice and she doesn’t know why. Fuck John Seed. He was doing bad things, too. But he’s quivering at the hand of his brother, and she didn’t become a criminal psychologist to ignore that as a symptom of abuse. She shouldn't feel bad for him. But she does. Her heart almost aches. Almost.
“You know not what you speak of.” Joseph says, tranquil as always before he continues walking away.
When she turns to face John he’s watching her out of the corner of his eyes, still facing the direction Joseph left in. His eyebrows are furrowed differently, eyes searching her face momentarily. He purses his lips, snapping back into character right before her eyes.
That sinister look is back on his face as he turns to her. “You will confess every sin, no matter how petty or small.” Somehow his words don’t hold the same weight, like he can’t will himself to complete the act. He stops himself, sighing lightly as if there was something he was going to say but decided against it. “We will see if you’re worthy of atonement.”
He gestures to the car waiting to the side for them and the man from before begins to lead Nora away. She watches as John’s eyes fall back to the ground, and she wonders if he’s considering what she said.
“See ya, Johnny.” She means to say it mockingly, as usual, but it comes out softer than expected.