Work Text:
“Just wait till night time.” Ronan had said with a shrug.
Adam slipped into his dormitory unnoticed. His roommates were already in bed with their curtains drawn. As he pulled on his pajamas and settled into bed, he knew there would be no sleep to be had for him. When he closed his eyes there was no darkness but rather an explosion of light and a collage of images. A flurry of colour and sounds played in his mind like an old film projection of vibrant memories. He shifted onto his side and couldn’t help but smile as he let the days events settle in his brain like confetti drifting to the floor. Adam’s heart was still racing from the events of the day. From the running, and laughing, and crashing, and listening, and learning, and loving.
Loving.
A concept that at one time, not so long ago, had felt foreign and so distinctly other that it had frightened him in more ways than one. It had felt like something two dimensional. Paper thin and flimsy. He had known it existed but it never felt like it was applicable to himself. It existed in his head the way the politics of another country existed. It was there , but adjacent to his own life.
Now he realized that he had been foolish for categorizing it as such. Love was not something to be attained or born into or earned. Love was simply felt. It was not a conscious action or a thought out decision. It was as instinctual as breathing. It was as simple as the glimmer of wonder in Gansey’s eyes. It was as easy as Blue’s arms draped lazily around his waist. It was as uncomplicated as Henry's infectious energy. It was as natural as Ronan’s knack for mischief. It was as effortless as the conversation that they flung back and forth late into the night and early into the morning. It was a part of him as they were all a part of him and he a part of them.
It was love. He loved them. And they loved him.
The realization felt sudden whilst simultaneously felt like remembering something long forgotten. Something he’d known but had needed to be reminded of. He smiled giddily as it washed over him. He could remember a time when he would have fought the realization, reasoned against it, rebuked it and crawled further within himself. Now, it felt right. A perfectly placed piece of his heart that he hadn’t even realized he’d been aching for.
Abruptly he decided that he couldn’t bear to be still. He rose as quietly as possible from his bed as to not wake his roommates and pulled his bag into his lap. He’d intended to fetch his wand and perhaps practice some charmwork but upon reaching his hand in he remembered the plant that Ronan had gifted him earlier that day.
Gingerly, he pulled the small plant out of his bag. The soil was potted in a small silk pouch and, judging by the interior of his bag, was charmed not to spill. The silk on the pouch was clearly woven with magic; the deep blue fabric swirling with constellations. Adam was so captured by the silk that he started to notice that the tightly closed buds were beginning to unfurl.
He watched in awe as the petals unfolded into gorgeously layered blossoms. The petals were a shimmering white and glimmered with movement, giving the impression of molten pearls. The stem was also in movement. Small vines curled up and down the thick green stem, leaves curling and uncurling again. The petals also glowed faintly, which, paired with the shifting navy of the silk pouch, made Adam think of the moon.
It was beautiful.
He wasn’t sure how long he sat there cross legged on his bunk, staring down at the little plant in his hands, utterly mesmerized. He watched as the plant swayed softly and lifted it to his nose. It smelled like a blend of lavender, mint, stream water and sunshine. Impossible and beautiful. Magical and comforting. As he continued to watch as the plant swayed an twirled, he became more and more curious.
Where did Ronan get this? He thought to himself.
Once again, he climbed out of his bed, this time he went over to his trunk, the plant clutched against his chest. As quietly as he could manage, he hefted his herbology textbook out of his trunk and brought it back to his bed.
After a few minutes of searching, he stumbled across a page with a sketch that looked like his plant. The sketch depicted the plant both in slumber and in full bloom. The heading above the illustrations read Moonlace.
Below the illustration was a brief history of its discovery as well as a list of properties. According to his textbook, m oonlace only bloomed at night and its aura was supposed to act as a relaxant. It is said that it helped to relieve stress and clear the mind. The textbook also said that m oonlace was often given to children to help them sleep through the night and was nicknamed The Lullaby Blossom. Adam had no way of knowing whether or not Ronan had known all of that when he’d purchased it, but either way Adam felt a rush of indescribable feeling for the other boy.
After reading over the page and letting the information soak in, Adam looked down at the plant in his hand and had the strange urge to cry; which was strange because he wasn’t particularly sad. Deep feeling washed over him in a continuous shower. Adam’s mind kept circling around and around, but kept coming back to the same thought.
Ronan really cares about me.
It wasn’t a revelation. He’d known for a while that Ronan cared for him, even acknowledged that Ronan’s feeling were deeper than just care. He also knew that that his own for feelings for Ronan were deeper than care. The feeling was strong but soft. It pushed him out of his comfort zone while also making him feeling nothing but safe. It filled him to the brim and warmed his insides. He knew there was a word for those feelings. He knew that if he wanted to, he could name it. But he wasn’t quite ready for it.
He gently placed the moonlace on his bedside table and crawled back under the covers. He left his bed hangings open enough for the soft glow of the moonlace to wash over his face. He closed his eyes and felt incredibly still. He expected to feel untethered by the knowledge of Ronan’s feelings, but he felt completely at peace. He let the comforting aroma of the moonlace waft over him and let his eyes slip closed.
When Adam awoke the next morning, feeling more rested than he had in ages, the bulbs of the moonlace on his bedside table were closed yet again. He smiled softly to himself. He may not have been ready for everything just yet, but Ronan had a way of easing Adam into things he once thought he would never do. He had a way of making the otherworldly feel safe. The strange feel welcoming.
Adam gathered up all his feelings and tucked them safely back between his ribs. He was still frightened of showing them off, but he knew deep down, that someday soon he’d be ready to share them with Ronan.
Adam was ready to accept love and was ready to learn how to give it in return. It was something he probably should have been acquainted with by now, but he was just excited to do it at all. He was excited to do it with Ronan.