Work Text:
You got me some type of way
Ain't used to feelin' this way
I do not know what to say
But I know I shouldn't think about it
He and Dan had been talking now for approximately two months, and things had never been more unclear.
Of course, not that he had gone in knowing he would catch feelings for a boy who was in a committed, long term relationship.
However, that part hadn’t been clear until late one night on Skype, when Dan had been more open.
-
“Phil?”
“Yeah?” Phil had responded, not looking up from where he had been fiddling aimlessly with a loose thread on his duvet.
“Have you...ever been in love?”
Looking up, Phil focused on the blurry form on his screen. A young, vulnerable boy who for some reason had wanted to talk to him practically every night since they had started talking. (Why exactly, he didn’t know. He wasn’t complaining, however.)
“Well….no, not properly anyway. Why?”
Watching as Dan laughed awkwardly on the other side of the screen, he tilted his head slightly.
“No reason. Just...have a lot going on lately I guess. Emily’s been wanting to spend more time with me, and I’m a grade A twat who can’t make time for her.”
As he had opened his mouth to respond, Dan had moved on rapidly.
“Whatever, yeah? Not your problem, I’m sorry. What were you saying again about the response to your latest video?”
-
Then I realized she's right there
And I'm at home like, "Damn, this ain't fair"
After this had happened, Phil had been unable to stop thinking about it. Why hadn’t Dan mentioned it to him sooner? It wasn’t as if they hide anything from each other…
On the other hand, part of him had believed that Dan had been flirting with him.
There had been moments that had seemed to go in that direction anyway. Comments over Skype calls, Twitter replies, Dailybooth comments. He hadn’t exactly been innocent, either…
Truth was, as it had always been, that he fancied Dan.
The first stage had been purely physical, of course. As shallow as it sounded. Dan was incredibly attractive, and one glance at his tanned skin, big brown eyes, and dimples had sent Phil into a spiral of stalking his social media profiles. After all, how could someone so attractive be interested in him? He had never felt particularly special, yet Dan’s comments on his Dailybooth photos had led him to become a blushing mess in his bed, hiding behind his pillow.
(Also, he hadn’t exactly gotten laid in a long time. Sure, there had been the rare fling in university. However, they had just led him to feeling grimy and alone the next morning. He knew Dan was good at sex. That much he had admitted in a Skype call, wine drunk and far too open for a boy who had called him his ‘idol.’ This had made him nervous, knowing how...behind he still was, in the sexual department. Picturing Dan in his bed, however, had caused his heart to beat out of his chest. That had been a new feeling.)
After having started talking to Dan, his feelings had only grown. He was funny, sarcastic, and incredibly sharp. Nothing got past him, and despite his usual tendencies of being the self-proclaimed ‘quiet friend,’ he had immediately felt safe expressing his true thoughts to Dan. Never before had he felt such a safety in expressing his opinions. In turn, he knew Dan felt comfortable telling him anything.
(Other than his girlfriend, apparently…)
Rolling over in bed, Phil huffed to himself as he reached over for his phone, groaning as he squinted due to the bright light the screen emitted.
Pulling open Dan’s Facebook profile, he couldn’t help but feel a bit guilty about wanting to scroll through his account for any pictures about a girl he knew nothing about.
It wasn’t like Dan ever had to know, right?
Of course, he found what he had been looking for. There, posted a few months prior, was a picture of Dan with a very pretty girl kissing his cheek.
Not bothering to read the cutesy caption, Phil locked his phone, tossing it to the end of his bed before pulling the covers up over his head.
This shit always happens to me
Why can't we just play for keeps?
Practically on my knees
But I know I shouldn't think about it
-
The next day, Phil mentally prepared himself as Dan’s profile photo popped up on his skype screen, requesting a call.
It was fine. Dan having a girlfriend was great for him, and he was...happy for them.
Dropping his forehead down to slam against his desk gently, he took a deep breath before lifting his head and pressing the green button.
As Dan popped up onto his screen, he couldn’t help the wide smile that crossed his face.
“Hey there.” He said, unable to help the rosy flush that crossed his face as he watched Dan smile, brushing his fringe back as it dropped into his eyes.
“Hey. Sorry I couldn’t talk the other night. Had to take Emily out.”
“That’s fine. I get it. I mean, she comes first, right?” Phil replied, inwardly cringing at himself as he filled the typical ‘lad’ role he had always desperately tried to fill with the guys who he had fancied in the past. With Dan, it hurt the most.
“Ha. Well. Not so much anymore. It’s over.”
Watching as Dan’s grin grew, Phil laughed a bit as he felt his shoulders relax. All of a sudden, he felt a push to be more vulnerable than he should be.
“Would you...want to come and stay over here sometime? Like...meet. In person.”
As he watched Dan’s eyes light up, he wondered, somewhere in the back of his mind, if they had been on the same page all along.
Time would only tell.
Break up with your girlfriend
Yeah, yeah, 'cause I'm bored