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‘Connor, where are you? ’
Connor’s attention came back to his surroundings abruptly. The picture from the social media feed Hank had insisted he acquire still hung suspended in mid-air, visible only to him. It showed a group of awe-stricken astronaut androids looking out at the stars, with a human astronaut’s caption ‘ No sirree, no deviants up here. (Me too, guys. Me too.)’ The image had gotten significant media attention, and was already the topic of several gossip articles.
Connor closed the window, looking around. He could see down into the hold from where he sat, where hundreds of androids filled the space with mingling and music. If he moved out past the rusting staircase, he’d see the viewing room on the far side, lit to a comfortable glow with portable lights.
‘Middle level of the hold,” Connor sent back. ‘Far corner.’
Markus had wanted to celebrate the sudden spread of deviancy by giving everyone time in safety around friends. As far as Connor could tell, it was working. Everyone seemed… happy? The hold was filled to capacity by an array of different groups. Some androids were watching news feeds, some had settled into circles for games or lively storytelling, but everyone was sharing something. It was--good.
Speaking of Markus, Connor spotted him a minute or so after his message, making his way down the staircase. Connor stood when he drew close, in time for Markus to call out, “There you are! What are you doing all the way back here?”
Connor glanced around, but the androids he’d been watching out for were gone. That was probably for the better. Rather than acknowledge it out loud, he smiled faintly.
“It’s very active here. I needed a minute.”
“Oh…” Markus frowned, but with concern, not disappointment. “You know if you need space to be alone for a little while, we can get you a room to stay in, right? You’re welcome here at any time.”
“Thanks, Markus.” Connor’s smile widened. “I remember.”
Markus nodded, lips curving up despite his worries. “... Well, if you’re sure. Anyway, it looks like you’re not busy. Want to come join the rest of us?” Connor opened his mouth, but Markus kept going. “Simon needed a minute away too, North was already there, and Josh suggested we do something to pass the time. They’ve got a few things in mind already, and since none of us know you as well as we’d like… You should join in.”
“I’ll go.”
The answer was quick enough that Connor’s politeness protocols pinged a warning, but Markus beamed, and Connor relaxed. “That’s great! Come on, then, they’re waiting.”
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The viewing room was an elevated area against the far wall of the hold. It had glass walls on three sides, and with the portable lamps inside Connor could easily see the occupants as he approached. North had claimed one of the only soft chairs on the ship, while Josh and Simon sat on plastic crates. The other soft chair in the room was empty.
They all looked relatively relaxed--already a more favorable reception than he’d encountered from the androids in the hold before. Simon would probably never actually be pleased to see him, but he seemed to be making a solid effort to hide his dislike. The others already appeared to be regarding Connor as one of their own, if to varying degrees. It was--gratifying, being accepted this way.
“You found him!” said Josh as they entered. The door closed behind them, dropping the music to a more distant hum. “Where was he?”
“The last place I looked,” Markus replied easily, claiming the empty chair. Connor searched for a moment before dragging a crate to a gap between him and Josh, settling gingerly at its edge. “Did you all decide what we’re doing?”
“We’ve narrowed it down,” Simon confirmed. “I was suggesting we look for multiplayer Scrabble apps, but North and Josh vote for Never Have I Ever.”
“I’ve never played that second one.” Markus leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. Connor hadn’t played either of them. “How does it work?”
Josh launched into a brief explanation. The rules sounded simple enough. It was a turn-based game, with a clearly defined goal. Connor searched for it online as the others spoke, making comparisons, but the only difference seemed to be the fact that this version involved no drinking.
“Hold up a finger for every point you have,” Simon instructed, as Josh started winding down. Markus and the others lifted a hand, and Connor followed suit a moment later. “Five points. If you lose all of them, you die from your next loss.”
“Any questions?” North asked. She didn’t wait. “No? Good, let’s get starte--”
“Wait,” Josh cut in. “Let’s do an example for the newcomers.” He shot a smile towards Markus and Connor. “I’ll start. Never have I ever accidentally killed one of my own oxen and died from it falling on me.”
“ Hey !” North squawked. Josh laughed. “That was one time, and it only happened because I…”
“Broke your leg on a flat road?” Josh finished.
North glared. “Fuck you, Josh,” she grumbled. Then she turned to the group. “This was just for practice. If it were real, I’d have lowered a finger, and if it wasn’t a story we’d all heard repeatedly …” Her eyes narrowed at Josh. “...then I’d have to tell it. Does that make sense?” Connor nodded. “Good. Josh--a real round, please.”
Josh lifted his eyebrows innocently. “Never have I ever fallen from a great height.” He tilted his head towards Simon, who groaned, and Markus, who winced, dipping his head. Both of them put their thumbs down.
“I’ve heard that story,” North announced, smirking. “Connor, have you?”
“No,” Connor said, putting his own thumb down. “What is it?”
North eyed his hand before turning to the others. “Well?”
Markus lifted his head again, expression far too nonchalant for the reluctance in his slouch. “Well… This happened when I first arrived. I needed a way in to Jericho, and the main bridge collapsed before I could cross. Then I saw the crane outside, and I thought…”
He trailed off, lifting his hands in a ‘there you have it’ gesture.
“You climbed it and… jumped,” Connor completed, calculating the distances he’d seen. “... You jumped off the crane into Jericho.” Its position meant he would’ve landed in one of the half-submerged sections, but the force of the water’s impact alone...
“The bridge had just caved in!” Markus replied defensively. “As a detour it seemed reasonable. What was one more leap of faith on top of the ones I was already taking?”
“It was dumb,” North told him primly. “There were other entrances, and you didn’t even look.”
“I thought it was the best way,” Markus insisted. “Anyway, Simon, what about your story?”
“Oh, we… really don’t have to--”
“Yes, we do,” North interrupted. She turned to Connor. “Two months ago Simon fell off Jericho’s starboard bow when a railing broke. He had to swim halfway out of the harbor because the only ladder nearby was so filthy that he kept falling back in.”
“Technically he fell four times,” Josh chimed in helpfully. Markus laughed, and Simon pressed his palm over his face.
“I hate this story,” Simon muttered.
Josh grinned. “Connor, now it’s your turn. You fell?”
“Ah…” Connor glanced down at his hands. “... I have. During my first mission after deployment, a deviant was holding a little girl hostage on the roof’s edge of the Greenstone Estates building. I rescued her, but in doing so the deviant and I both fell.”
“Oh,” Josh said, eyes a little wider than before. “Um--was the girl okay? … How far did you… fall?”
“She was relatively unaffected,” Connor confirmed. “The building was seventy stories high, and we fell from the top floor.”
Everyone’s eyes were a little wider, now, and for a moment no one said anything.
“Jesus, Connor,” Markus said. “Were you okay? You didn’t look like a pancake when we first saw you, so you must’ve been…”
Connor smoothed a wrinkle in his second-hand jeans, picking at a stain. The easy atmosphere of the group had been strained. Maybe telling the story differently would have helped, except Connor wasn’t sure how.
“More or less,” Connor said. “That Connor unit was destroyed, and its memories uploaded to the next unit available. From Connor-51 to Connor 52.”
“Wait, hold the phone,” North cut in, leaning forward a little. She was tense, like she might jump off her crate at any moment, and Connor very deliberately relaxed, stilling his hands. “Why were your memories uploaded? If that Connor died, how was he ‘you’?”
For a moment Connor wished he was still tucked into the shadows of the hold. “RK800s are meant to work as a successive series, not in parallel. Repairs are impractical to our more complicated components. When one unit becomes damaged, it uploads its memories to the next, so that the ongoing casework continues without interruption.”
The room was silent enough that the music outside was perfectly audible.
“... What the fuck ,” North said loudly. “What the fuck, so Cyberlife just… let its Connors die, and… ” She gritted her teeth, glaring at the only opaque wall the room had. “Fucking hell. I don’t know why I’m even surprised at this point.”
“You were Connor-53 when we met you,” Markus said suddenly, just this side of accusing. All eyes were on Connor, leaving no one to see Simon stiffen, expression blank.
“I was,” Connor said calmly. “Connor-52 ceased to operate at the Stratford Tower.”
“Really?” Josh blurted out. He winced, glancing at Simon. “But… if you died, then…Why does Simon--”
“I think that’s enough story for one round,” Markus cut in loudly, looking at North. “Which way are we going for turns? Clockwise? North. You’re up.”
“ Markus …” North protested, before looking at Simon. He’d gone as still as Connor, shoulders hunched up rigidly as he stared down at his hands. She pressed her lips together, visibly conflicted, before rolling her eyes with a sigh.
“Never have I ever read from an actual physical book. You fucking nerds.”
Despite the venom in her tone, it was a benign subject, and everyone except her lowered a finger.
Markus was next. “Um,” he said, glancing at Connor, then down at his hands. Connor was picking at a button on his sleeve, and he stopped, but Markus simply turned to the rest of the group, saying, “Never have I ever gone more than a week without changing clothes.”
“Oh, fuck you, Markus,” North complained immediately, shoulders slumping. The statement punctured the tension in the room, and Markus grinned while everyone else put a finger down. “We’re not doing that because it’s our hobby, we just literally don’t have anything to wear.”
“Actually,” Markus shot back. “You do . I’ve seen it. Spare coats, spare shirts--not everyone has them, but you three do. Why don’t you use them? Paying a little attention can go a long way. Just look at Connor!”
Four pairs of eyes suddenly swung his way, and Connor froze like a deer in headlights. “Ah…”
“Connor put his finger down,” North observed, turning back to Markus. “Whatever point you’re trying to make has nothing to stand on.”
“Connor has more than one set, now!” Markus insisted. “He looks good, in a… boring, office formal sort of way!“
North and Josh snorted, and Connor glanced down, taking in his button up shirt and jeans. Then he looked at Markus, with his multiple zippers, asymmetrical cut, and folds designed to catch the air and billow out behind him dramatically.
He--probably shouldn’t, but this was so ridiculous . Connor lifted his eyebrows, allowing his incredulity to spill into his expression.
“I think you’ve confused ‘boring’ with ‘socially acceptable’. You do realize that seven zippers on each side is excessive, don’t you?”
North crowed, Josh snickered, and Markus laughed . Connor’s lips tugged upward, and Markus spread his hands, inclining his head. He was about to reply, but Simon interrupted before he could.
“I have a new one.” All eyes turned to Simon, and for a brief moment he met Connor’s gaze. Then he looked at Markus. “...Never have I ever changed clothes four times in one day.”
North and Josh laughed again, and immediately Markus’ hands shot up skywards. “That was for a perfectly good reason --”
“No one should ever have to change clothes four times,” Simon cut in.
“I changed that morning--” Markus scooted forward to the edge of his seat, counting off his other hand. “--I changed into that suit for the Stratford Tower, then into the station technician uniform, then out of it--each and every one of those was perfectly justified!”
“All I’m hearing is that you can’t even deny it,” North told him smugly.
“Four times isn’t bad!” Markus complained, slumping back in his chair.
“Never have I ever…” Connor said. The others fell silent, turning to face him, and he thought quickly. “... Been a leader of Jericho.”
Markus lowered a finger, but North laughed, eyeing Connor appreciatively. “Nice one. You went straight for the kill.” She didn’t put a finger down, and neither had Josh.
“... I thought that one would get all of you.”
“We all give our input on major decisions, but only one person leads at a time.” Simon had replied, and Connor noticed he’d lowered a finger.
“Yeah,” North agreed. “It used to be Simon. Then Markus came along, and he had more of a vision for how things could change.” Connor’s eyes darted sideways, but Simon just nodded, untroubled.
“We trust Markus,” Josh confirmed. “He has some crazy ideas, but he hasn’t led us wrong yet.”
Markus grinned appreciatively. “All it’s taking is faith. And a lot of work on all our parts.”
“Thousands of other androids suddenly forcing humanity to take us seriously doesn’t hurt,” North observed, looking over at Connor.
“That too,” Markus sent Connor a smaller, warmer smile than before. Connor’s own lips curved up in response, and his shoulders relaxed slightly.
“Okay,” said Josh. “Never have I ever bitten into a lemon to see what it tastes like.”
“Are you still--Josh, I’d never tasted a fruit before!” North sputtered. “Some androids were saying the skin was part of the experience!”
“And does the experience always include throwing the fruit hard enough to knock someone down?” Josh shot back sweetly.
“I told you I was sorry !”
“It’s fine.” Josh smiled.
“Then why do you keep bringing it up?”
“Because we’re getting to know each other. This is valuable information, right Connor?”
“I’ll show you valuable information.” North’s eyes narrowed. “Never have I ever carried on lecturing someone while they were trying to smash my face in.”
“ North !” Josh’s eyes widened, head ducking slightly. Simon broke down snickering, hand over his face. “That was… That doesn’t happen very often!”
“‘Often’,” she mocked. “But it did happen more than once.”
Markus, meanwhile, was staring at his hands, squinting guiltily. “I… think this one misses me, because technically no one was specifically trying to smash my face in.”
Simon’s snickers grew to outright laughter. Josh immediately protested, arguing that it counted-- but Markus overrode him, announcing loudly, “Never have I ever petted a dog !”
Oh... That was a pleasant one. Josh was still protesting, but Connor put his finger down at the same time as Simon, frowning thoughtfully. Hank had given him dozens of pictures of Sumo by now, and he’d privately begun collecting his own. How much detail was considered to be too much for a story, in this context? Would a picture exceed this?
Unfortunately, the point was moot, because this was another round where no one stopped for stories. Conversation quieted, Connor settled, and everyone turned to Simon.
Simon jutted his jaw forward as he thought, before shrugging a little, staring ahead too deliberately to be casual.
“Never have I ever kissed someone.”
That got varying reactions from almost everyone, making Connor’s sudden stillness a relative understatement. Markus gave North a sheepish look, while she raised an eyebrow back at him. They’d both lowered fingers, and as Josh lowered one too, he eyed them curiously.
“I know my story… What’s up with yours?”
“Oh, it’s--” Markus shifted in his chair. “It’s really not interesting, just…”
“Markus and I had a ‘moment’,” North answered mercilessly, watching him wince. “... It was terrible.”
“No one’s good at anything on their first try, North…”
“No,” North conceded. “That wasn’t the reason it ended. But, it didn’t hurt.” One side of her mouth quirked up.
“I didn’t even know you two were ever a thing,” Simon admitted, looking from one to the other.
“Well, we were,” North replied. “For all of one kiss.”
“Not long,” Markus agreed, smiling ruefully.
“Okay, then,” Josh said. “For mine... there was this KM300 who was staying here a few months back. She was…” Josh’s lips curled up, and he looked wistful. “... She was funny. She loved history, she was pretty…”
“I remember this...” North said suddenly, thinking hard. “... Anne?”
“Anne,” Josh confirmed. He shrugged, sighing. Shifted on his crate so he could swing his feet freely. “She was amazing. … Unfortunately, she left for Canada, but--sometimes someone will come back from there, and they’ll have a message. She sounds happy.”
“You should contact her yourself,” North told him. “Maybe find some way to visit.”
“Maybe I will,” Josh agreed, tilting his head a little. “... Frankly, every time I get a message I’m surprised she even remembers me.”
North narrowed her eyes at him. “... Anne, the KM300 who went to Canada. This was… October. Right?”
Josh stilled, eyes darting to her. “... North…”
North raised her hands. “Not getting involved. Trust me, I’ll just… ask around. Maybe get you some actual contact information.” Her tone lifted, only slightly sardonic. “Unless you’d prefer to stay pen pals?”
Josh’s eyes widened, and he closed his mouth, apparently considering these possibilities. Before he could answer, Markus said, “Connor, did you put your finger down for this too?”
All at once, Connor was aware of the way he’d been sitting with perfect posture on his crate the whole time. Of how the crate was rigid and uncomfortable, how the hand not counting his points was holding a loose thread from his cuff. He wasn’t fiddling with it. Had he been, before the question? Connor deliberately started again, hoping his breathing hadn’t changed.
“I did,” he said, blinking calmly. Markus was frowning, and North was starting to also, but Josh just seemed surprised.
“That’s not what I was expecting… Tell us about it?” Josh smiled encouragingly, shifting to face him.
Connor hesitated. Then he gave a short nod, launching into the story with all the efficiency of a report.
“Shortly before I met you all in person for the first time, I went to the residence of one Elijah Kamski. I was there to question him regarding the growing deviancy problem.” He quirked one side of his mouth in faint acknowledgement. “... He agreed to answer one question, provided I accomplish a task for him.”
“Let me guess,” North interrupted, words dripping with venom. Her hands were curled up in loose fists, and her eyes were sharp. “He wanted a ‘performance’ on his face.”
“... No,” Connor said slowly, studying her carefully. For the first time in a long time his analysis protocols pushed forward her model number, and he re-examined what he’d said so far in this context.
… She was jumping to conclusions. Still, if she was already this angry from a superficial resemblance that he hadn’t even properly reached...
“I’m sorry. Should I…”
“If you’re asking ‘should you finish’, then don’t you fucking dare stop on my account.” The glint in her eye was outright dangerous, and Connor transferred his own gaze to the wall beside her. After a brief pause, he continued more quietly.
“The task turned out to be a test of empathy, designed to simu--” ...He stopped. Remembered his audience. “... He ordered me to replace an RT600’s thirium pump with a rock that was held at over two hundred degrees Celsius. I failed.” He’d tried , really and genuinely tried, but--expressing this would not be reassuring to his audience. The tension in the room was already thick. “... She was fine when I left,” Connor tacked on hastily. “I didn’t… I only damaged myself.”
“... Damaging yourself isn’t good either, Connor,” Markus said quietly. Connor looked at him, but Markus was watching with an intensity that threatened to drill past his calm, and Connor glanced away.
“Oh. Sorry.” Had he misstepped again?
Markus shifted as though starting to reach forward, but aborted the motion. “Don’t be sorry for any of this. It wasn’t your fault.”
“I know,” said Connor.
This story needed to end as soon as possible. Maybe he could skip to the end?
“... I still required information, so I tried to seduce him. That’s when I kissed him.”
There. The end.
“How…” Markus broke off, frowning deeply. “You don’t have to explain anything if you don’t want to, but. Did you… Did the two of you… ”
“The kiss and physical contact were not sufficient to provoke a sexual encounter,” Connor informed him. He hesitated, then continued more slowly, “Though he did… appreciate the attempt. And the circumstances.” Maybe Connor could have succeeded if he’d tried harder.
“That’s not the point , Connor,” North snapped. Connor jerked his attention towards her. “You shouldn’t have felt like you had to try.”
“Was this a regular thing?” Markus asked quietly. “You--’seducing’ people for information, did it happen more than once?”
“No,” Connor said quickly, trying to grasp at the right answer. “No, I--... Those were the circumstances I mentioned. I tried because I thought it might postpone my decommissioning. My failure accelerated the process, and there was neither time nor reason to attempt again.”
“... You were killed because of-- that ?” Markus echoed faintly.
Maybe he should just stop talking, because this still wasn’t helping .
“I was replaced because I failed to discover the location of Jericho,” Connor pointed out, looking from face to face. “The methods used to extract the information were irrelevant.”
North was glaring daggers into the floor, and she couldn’t seem to look at him. Josh’s eyes were perfectly round, and Simon--Simon was scowling straight at him, a grim, sharp expression. It continued right on until Connor made eye contact, but when he did… Simon’s face tightened in a strange grimace, and he turned his glare towards the wall. Connor blinked quickly, brow furrowing.
“Connor,” said Markus, and he jerked his head around. Markus looked so unhappy that something stabbed through Connor’s gut. Markus reached forward: to put a hand on his shoulder, to take his hand, to do something comforting, and--this was too far. Connor was ruining everything. This was supposed to be a comfortable bonding activity.
“Never have I ever--” His LED switched yellow as he churned through options. The social media feed he’d been looking at earlier came to mind, and Connor blurted, “Never have I ever stargazed.”
The room was silent. Markus’ hand had found his shoulder. Ignoring it seemed rude, but pressing his hand over it seemed too intimate. Connor settled for giving Markus a faint, reassuring smile. “I’ve seen the sky, and there are star charts saved in my databases, but I’ve never looked out and identified a constellation.”
More silence. Markus’ hand was warm, and after a second or so he offered Connor a small squeeze before releasing.
“You know…” Markus said slowly. He looked at the others. “I know for a fact that the roof of the bridge is a really good place to stargaze from.”
A beat.
“Um,” said North, expression blanking. “Me too. I’ve seen stars. From that roof.”
The twist in Simon’s mouth flattened. After a moment, he pushed off his crate, rising to his feet. “... Come on.”
Josh seemed to bounce upright, giving Connor a smile that was slightly more strained than usual. Connor was the last to stand, and he brushed dust from his jeans, wondering if he’d fixed anything at all. “Alright.”
Markus smiled at him--genuinely--and they made their way out from the room. The music in the hold rushed in as the door opened, and they wound their way across the catwalks with Markus leading and Simon picking up the train behind Connor.
The top deck was simultaneously refreshing and sobering in its stillness, like having a deep fog swept away. Connor shivered as much from memories as from the sensation, and he almost missed the quiet conversation behind him.
The smirk in Josh’s voice, however, was entirely audible. “...Never have I ever gotten my tongue stuck to the outer railing and had to be rescued.”
To Connor’s surprise, Simon missed a step. “...That was two years ago! How do you know about that?!”
North laughed loudly, voice echoing off metal walls as she came up last from the stairs. “More importantly, how did you keep it a secret for so long?”
“I thought you were on my side, North,” Simon complained over his shoulder, refusing to turn in an attempt at maintaining dignity. It wasn’t working very well, but maybe that was just because Connor could see his expression.
“Oh, I am.” They’d reached the level the bridge was on, and she fell silent for a moment as the group headed for a ladder to the structure’s roof. “... Never have I ever gotten lost in the hold.”
“It was dark , and I was new!” Josh cried as Simon started to laugh. This time it was loud enough for Markus to have heard, and he snorted. Connor smiled.
The top of the bridge wasn’t the tallest point on the ship, but it was high enough to stand alone. The buildings on one side of the ship loomed like darkened, distant cliffs, and the streetlights nearby were dim. None of the buildings were inhabited; it was one of the reasons Jericho had gone unnoticed as long as it had.
Markus had stopped in the middle of the roof while the rest of the group flowed around him, and when Connor stepped next to him, they both looked up. Part of the sky was cloudy, underlit by the city below, but Connor could still make out a scattering of stars.
“See those three in a row?” Markus pointed.
Connor looked. “Yes.”
“They’re called Orion’s Belt. You can see stars for his arms and feet, and…”
While he talked Connor glanced at the public search engines he still had access to. If he wanted, he could read the entire history of the constellation’s legend before Markus finished telling it.
He left it alone. Markus finished, moving on to another constellation, and they turned a little. By then the whole group had fallen quiet, listening and watching the sky.
Eventually they’d covered all the constellations the clouds weren’t blocking. Connor heard some shuffling and shifting, but no one broke the peace that had settled over them. It was--nice.
Maybe they were all enjoying the calm as much as Connor was. Connor glanced over to Markus to check, but found him already looking back, a faint smile on his face. Connor blinked, attention refocusing more fully.
Whatever the look was, it ended as soon as he did. Markus’ stare flicked past him toward the empty buildings, a deliberate nonchalance settling in his frame. “Hey,” he said. Heads turned their way, and Markus smiled. “... Never have I ever thought we weren’t going to make it through.”
Connor’s eyebrows lifted, voice bland. “... Do you mean make it through the evening?”
North snorted.
Markus’ lips curved up, but he shook his head, turning back to the group with open hands. “I meant all of this. The whole struggle.”
“Markus,” North groaned.
“That’s the sappiest thing I’ve ever heard in my life,” Simon agreed.
The side of Connor’s mouth crooked up. He couldn’t fault them. The chances of Markus never once doubting the success of his cause were low, especially given how practical Connor knew him to be. Still… It was a nice sentiment. It felt sincere, enough to warm him even despite the rooftop's snow. Connor closed his eyes, trying to imprint the moment into his mind.
He was newer to positive emotions than any of the others. But maybe with more nights like this, he could still catch up.
---