Chapter Text
Monday
8:07pm
TonyStark has created a chat.
TonyStark has added 17 users to the chat.
TonyStark has named the chat HoesAndTricks.
8:09pm
TonyStark: Welcome to the chat, brothers and sisters.
BruceBanner: Tony no.
TonyStark: Bruce is blocked because he thinks he can tell me what to do.
SteveRogers: Tony is blocked because he keeps making pointless chats.
TonyStark: Steve is blocked because hes gay
ClintBarton: tony is blocked because hes home of phobic
NatashaRomanov: You're all blocked for being fucking annoying.
ClintBarton: fair
SteveRogers: Fair
BruceBanner: Fair
TonyStark: Fair
NatashaRomanov: Who's all here
TonyStark: Why don't you check the user list, wise one
NatashaRomanov: Why don't I roundhouse kick you in the dick
TonyStark: Fair
ClintBarton: You. Added. Loki. To. A. Chat.
TonyStark: Thor would've whined if I didn't
TonyStark: He's like15 what real threat is that
ClintBarton: he owns like seven snakes.
ClintBarton: he threatened to kill me
SteveRogers: Me too
BruceBanner: Me too
NatashaRomanov: Me too
SteveRogers: Many times actually.
TonyStark: he's just going through his edgy emo phase
TonyStark: we've all been there
NatashaRomanov: No. No we haven't
TonyStark: If you didn't cry when MCR broke up, I don't want to associate with you
ClintBarton: Can I get an F in the chat for all the MCR fans that never got to see a show before it was too late
BruceBanner: F
TonyStark: F
SteveRogers: Whos MCR
TonyStark: Blocked
SteveRogers: okay
NatashaRomanov: It was a punk band from the 2000s or something like that.
SteveRogers: Oh. I don't like modern music
TonyStark: Prude
SteveRogers: Surprised you even know that word
TonyStark: You see that spot on the ground right there? That's where you need to land when you get off your high horse.
ClintBarton: OUCH
BruceBanner: That was poetry
SteveRogers: You're just mad because you're alone, its okay tony.
TonyStark: Single and ready to tingle
TonyStark: Speaking of which, how's your goth boyfriend
SteveRogers: He's not goth just sad.
BruceBanner: Mood
ClintBarton: Fucking bood. (big mood)
TonyStark: And you, Brucie, hows that sweet Norwegian ass?
BruceBanner: what
ClintBarton: Does Thor want your Midwesterner gam gams?
BruceBanner: MY WHAT
ClintBarton: Your
ClintBarton: GAM GAMS.
BruceBanner: That's disgusting
SteveRogers: That's not even a thing
NatashaRomanov: This is getting weird...good job tony
TonyStark: It's my specialty
TonyStark: Why is NO ONE else on? It's not even eight thirty
ClintBarton: Thor probably goes to bed at like 4 in the afternoon
BruceBanner: No he doesn't
SteveRogers: You would know
BruceBanner: STEVE
NatashaRomanov: Who's Vision and what kind of name is that
TonyStark: He's my student and that's not his real name
TonyStark: At least I don't think so
TonyStark: I hope not...
ClintBarton: You have a student?
TonyStark: He's a little shit with 0 social skills so I help him make friends and be popular, in return, he assists me on projects.
TonyStark: Sweet kid.
TonyStark: Cool accent
TonyStark: It's like. Londoner. idk if he's actually british or just weird
BruceBanner: Probably just weird. You attract that type.
TonyStark: That's why we're friends Brucie bear
NatashaRomanov: This is boring. Deuces.
NatashaRomanov is offline.
ClintBarton: Boooooo Nat
TonyStark: What a loser
SteveRogers: That's not nice.
TonyStark: Im not nice
BruceBanner: We know
TonyStark: shut up ur soft
ClintBarton: Soft
BruceBanner: Don't call me soft I'll cry
SteveRogers: aww
ThorOdinson is now online.
ThorOdinson: Hello friends! Thank you for adding me to this chat. :)
TonyStark: Of course big guy. we need someone to wrangle dark lord loki
ThorOdinson: Dark lord?
ClintBarton: A little evil man
TonyStark: real rowdy boy
ClintBarton: satan child
ThorOdinson: No! Loki is very sweet!
SteveRogers: He's threatened to kill all of us more than once?
ThorOdinson: He's emo.
BruceBanner: Hi Thor.
ThorOdinson: Hello Bruce! How are you, my small friend?
BruceBanner: Small?
TonyStark: Everyone's small compared to you, big guy.
ThorOdinson: Yes, I know. But that is okay. Small friends are good friends.
ThorOdinson: Like frogs and bunnies and little mice.
ClintBarton: We're all average sized humans, ur just large man
SteveRogers: Except Tony
TonyStark: Fuck off
ThorOdinson: It is okay to be small, Tony. I was small when I was younger!
BruceBanner: I don't buy it.
ClintBarton: Thor bust outta his mom like the Kool-Aid man.
SteveRogers: Ouch.
TonyStark: My metaphorical uterus hurt reading that.
SteveRogers: Thor how are you always so...upbeat.
ThorOdinson: What is there to be sad about?
ClintBarton: So much man, so much.
ThorOdinson: I do my best to stay positive and give love to my friends and family. While also defending those that need it.
ThorOdinson: I get sad, but I don't dwell.
TonyStark: Damn man.
ClintBarton: I might have to sit down and rethink my life.
ClintBarton: dude named after the god of thunder (and fucking) spitting straight FACTS
BruceBanner: I think it's a cool name. A lot cooler than Bruce.
ThorOdinson: Thank you. I like your name. It fits you.
TonyStark: Should we leave you two alone?
ClintBarton: OwO whats this
BruceBanner: Knock it off
SteveRogers: Leave them alone. They can't help being oblivious.
ThorOdinson: Oblivious to what?
TonyStark: Oh lordy
ThorOdinson: Steven why are you bullying me? :(
TonyStark: So sweet
ClintBarton: Best friend material
TonyStark: Boyfriend material if you're a certain science nerd
SteveRogers: Tony leave Bruce alone
BruceBanner: ony-tay I will ill-kay ou-yay
ThorOdinson: What language is that?
SteveRogers: Don't worry about it big guy
ThorOdinson: Okay!
TonyStark: o-day it ruce-bay
ClintBarton: What is happening
BruceBanner: Nothing Clint :)
ClintBarton: i feel Threatened.
LokiOdinson is now online.
LokiOdinson: What is this buffoonery.
TonyStark: good evening princess.
LokiOdinson: Eugh. Stark.
SteveRogers: Hello, Satan.
LokiOdinson: Rogers.
ThorOdinson: How are you enjoying your sleepover with our sister?
LokiOdinson: She's more tolerable than you.
ClintBarton: Oh so the demon spawn isn't at home?
SteveRogers: You guys have a sister?
LokiOdinson: Yes. Hela. She's older. And I stay with her sometimes to alleviate the stress at home.
ThorOdinson: And he leaves his snakes here overnight! I don’t know how to care for a snake!
LokiOdinson: I leave you a simple guide every time. It's not complicated if you can understand basic English. Which, I do question about you.
TonyStark: Why not bring the snakes with you?
SteveRogers: Snakes? Plural? How many?
LokiOdinson: I have three.
ThorOdinson: Evil snakes.
ClintBarton: Why three. I couldn't handle one.
LokiOdinson: Of course you couldn't.
BruceBanner: Ouch.
TonyStark: Can I get an F in the chat
SteveRogers: Clint can barely take care of himself.
ClintBarton: That's very true
ThorOdinson: He takes them out of their tanks and lets them slither around on his face.
LokiOdinson: NO I DO NOT.
ThorOdinson: He talks to them in hiss noises.
LokiOdinson: I WOULD NEVER.
SteveRogers: Keep talking.
TonyStark: I appreciate this blackmail material.
LokiOdinson: Thor I forbid you to tell them any more.
ThorOdinson: You don't own me.
ClintBarton: BOOM
ThorOdinson: He asks them advice.
ThorOdinson: Usually concerning the senior he has a crush on.
TonyStark: I didn't know the forces of evil had time for romance.
LokiOdinson: I beg of you. No more.
SteveRogers: Who do you fancy, Loki?
LokiOdinson: It's none of your business.
ClintBarton: What's she like?
TonyStark: Tell us about her, Krampus.
ThorOdinson: Hah. "Her".
ClintBarton: It's a he?
LokiOdinson: No, if it was, is that a problem, Barton?
ClintBarton: Hey man I don't judge.
ClintBarton: I mean, I'm friends with Steve and Bucky. They practically spend every waking moment sucking each other's faces.
TonyStark: homophobia is not an epic gamer moment
LokiOdinson: I don't know what that means.
ThorOdinson: Nor do I. Just smile and nod.
SteveRogers: I don't spend that much time with Bucky...
ClintBarton: yes you do
TonyStark: yes you do
ThorOdinson: You spend an adequate amount of time with James.
LokiOdinson: I've never seen you two apart.
SteveRogers: We're in love sorry you guys can't relate :/
TonyStark: Love is for people who have hearts.
ClintBarton: I have a girlfriend but okay steve spread your lies.
SteveRogers: Shut up Clint
ClintBarton: No
LokiOdinson: I don't like when the conversation isn't about me.
ThorOdinson: Would you prefer I spill the beans about your crush?
LokiOdinson: No.
TonyStark: Do it anyway. He's like 15, how threatening is that.
SteveRogers: You've already said that.
TonyStark: Well I said it again.
LokiOdinson: 15 and three quarters.
ClintBarton: Does it matter?
LokiOdinson: Do you matter?
ClintBarton: Nope.
TonyStark: Mood.
SteveRogers: What happened to Bruce? It doesn't say hes logged off.
TonyStark: Bruce stop ghosting us
BruceBanner: Im still here! Just reading. Kinda tired.
ThorOdinson: Oh, great. I'm glad to see you're still awake, Bruce.
LokiOdinson: Oh?
LokiOdinson: Ohhhh
ThorOdinson: Loki no.
LokiOdinson: Loki yes.