Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Chapter 1.

Tony looked around in the bullpen – a foreign one. Nothing in here looked familiar: not the way the desks were positioned against and next to each other, not the papers that littered every horizontal surface and definitely not the vanilla-colored leather couch that had been placed in there so that tired agents could relax comfortably for a while. He even missed the disgusting orange walls of his own ‘home’ even though he honestly hated it with a vengeance and had been complaining about it ever since joining NCIS almost two years ago.

That was the thing though: this here wasn’t NCIS. This was the FBI building in Quantico, more precisely: the profilers’ floor. Yep… he was surrounded by shrinks. Oh, they weren’t shrinks per se; they were highly trained agents who happened to squirm their way into other people’s heads to analyze all the thoughts the poor person didn’t even know possessed. Maybe he should have put on a tin foil hat.

How he had ended up in here was another story altogether. One he still hadn’t managed to entirely comprehend…

The day before

 “You asked to see me, sir?” – Asked Tony with a fair amount of anxiety in his voice. He knew he shouldn’t have glued McGoo’s hands to his keyboard but at that time he hadn’t been able to resist the temptation. Still, he wouldn’t have thought the younger man would run right to the director and complain about him! Wasn’t it punishment enough that Gibbs had headslapped him – twice – and made him give Tim his own claviature and keep the ruined one instead!? Kate and McGee had had a field day then watching him wrestle with the damn thing and he had thought the war was solved with that. Apparently, he’d been wrong because not long after that, he had received notice that Morrow himself wanted him in his office – immediately. Ouch.

“Yes, Agent DiNozzo, please, step in; I won’t bite.” – Yeah, sure. Snakes always said that before latching out... – “Take a seat. A bit closer. Oh, come on… Great. Thank you. So…”

“Sir, please, I just wanted to----”

“Agent DiNozzo, beginning tomorrow, you’ll be temporarily transferred to the FBI.”

Tony sat dumbstruck; he couldn’t believe what he had just heard! Just because of a prank his career should be ruined forever? And the FBI? Even jail would be better… The FBI employed people like Fornell (okay, maybe he wasn’t so bad… khm… not always so bad, more like) and Slacks (he WAS so bad!). Definitely people he didn’t want to be associated with! This couldn’t happen! Not to him!

He gathered all his courage and cleared his throat.

“Director… I really didn’t mean anything by it! It was just a prank! I didn’t want to---”

The silver-haired older man furrowed his brows.

“What are you talking about, Agent DiNozzo? Did something happen I haven’t been told?”

“Ahm…” – So, it wasn’t about the glue? But then what!? – “Why am I being punished?” – He inquired, trying to look brave. He probably failed because Morrow first leaned back in surprise then chuckled whole-heartedly.

“Punished? My boy, you are not punished! You are rewarded!”

“Excuse me?”

“You are part of the new program called ‘Interagency Teambuilding Exercise’. – Tony didn’t know what to say to that, so he just blinked confusedly. The director then started a lengthy explanation about how the leaders of different federal agencies had decided that enough was enough: they didn’t want nor need the current animosity and rivalry between the teams. The wanted them to learn more about each other and gain respect for the others’ work. And thus… - “You, my boy, are the lucky one to be selected to spend a month with the profilers while one of them will take your place on your team.”

“A MONTH!?” – Tony squeaked in the exact same embarrassing way he’d done sometimes before finally leaving puberty behind and his voice had stopped changing. Until now, apparently.

“Yep.”

The man had said that as if he had announced Tony had just won the Lottery. And somebody would take HIS place? What the hell!? He should have known that being called ‘my boy’ by the director could never end well…

“I’m… ahm… honored… to have been chosen, sir. But I think I’ll need to pass this… khm… amazing… opportunity. You see, I think I’m just coming down with something.” – He added a few fake coughs for good measure. – “My throat is sore and I’m feeling cold.” – He pretended to shiver. – “And I’m soooooo tired---” – He was just about to let out an enormous yawn when the director waved his hand dismissingly, effectively stopping the NCIS agent’s charade.

“Nonsense.” – The man clapped, causing Tony to cringe. – “It’s been decided, so you’re going. The details have been sent to you via e-mail; you should already have it. End of the discussion.” – Tony sat rooted to the chair, trying to look as pathetic as possible so as to maybe make the strict director reconsider this whole assignment. – “You’re dismissed, Agent DiNozzo.”

Or maybe not…

Present time

So, here he was; sitting at a strange desk in a strange place, having strange people around. He missed his Boss; even the headslaps and angry barks. He missed kind old Ducky who always had something nice to say to him to make him feel better. He missed annoying the Probie and laughing at his half-hearted attempts to trick him back. He even missed fighting with Kate. He missed everything!

Beside him, a dark-skinned man was glaring daggers into his direction, clearly about as impressed with this new arrangement as Tony himself was. Well, but it wasn’t his fault, so the man could be at least try to be a bit more civil! Around him, there were three women; two blonds and a brunette. Normally, he’d love being the center of attention, especially when it came to the opposite sex, but right now all three of them were studying him curiously as if he were some new and interesting kind of specimen under the microscope. It was annoying and Tony inwardly cursed Morrow again for ‘rewarding’ him. Couldn’t he have chosen someone else for this ‘incredible opportunity’? Anyone but him!

From the top of the catwalk (a catwalk what was not nearly as nice as theirs, in his humble opinion!) two men watched the scene silently. Both seemed deep in thought but otherwise unreadable. Tony, who was used seeing his boss’ every feeling (mostly annoyance, anger or exasperation, at least when it came to his senior field agent) written clearly on his face, felt totally at loss right now: where they mad at him just for being here, like the others seemed to be? Were they thinking about ways to get rid of him as soon as possible? Did they think he was incompetent as an agent!?

The situation was quickly becoming unbearable but just as Tony was about to dash into the restroom just to escape for a while, the younger man with the raven hair called from above:

“Everyone to the briefing room. We’ve got a case.”

At least the reaction of his temporary teammates to that clear and simple order was something he could relate to: each one of them noiselessly gathered their pens and notebooks before swiftly making their way upstairs. There was no question about it: the solemn-looking black-haired man was the boss and everyone was to obey without comment. That, at least, he could do. But otherwise…

Tony followed the others dutifully, all the while thinking: ‘This is a nightmare!’

NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS

Dr. Spencer Reid was perched at the edge of the chair he’d been physically pushed onto by the young agent now working at the desk next to his about half an hour ago, unable and unwilling to move, hoping against hope this whole situation would turn out to be just a bad dream and if he waited long enough, he’d wake and find himself in his own apartment, ready to begin the day – with his own team, in Quantico. So far, no matter how hard he wished, no such awakening had happened. Still, he hadn’t given up.

Yet.

Because every time he looked at the man whose workstation was positioned diagonally from his desk, regarding the newcomer profiler with an expression akin to disgust and running his hand through his silver hair periodically, something died in him. Not to mention the woman across from him who didn’t seem to be able to stop frowning or the agent who had herded him to this desk but then proceeded to ignore him altogether. It was as if all three of them hated him already, without having spoken to him even a word.

Of course, it wasn’t the first time the genius encountered an atmosphere like that; in fact: aside from his FBI teammates, this was pretty much the reaction he’d gotten his whole life, wherever he went. Kids tended to hate those that were much younger and yet a hundred times smarter than them. The cold shoulder they were showing him wasn’t the worst thing.

No, the worst part was being put on display: an old man, probably even older than Gideon, stood not too far away from him, regarding him with a kindness he couldn’t see on any other face but still not approaching, not offering any form of comfort or understanding. Not acknowledging the fact that poor genius boy was used to be protected and loved by his teammates; whose team was like a family. Who was now feeling incredibly alone and vulnerable… Also, a woman who had her hair pulled back in two pigtails and wore a white lab coat had been giggling uncontrollably ever since she’d laid eyes on him. Reid was stunned: he’d never thought he would ever encounter anyone more eccentric than Garcia, but here it was: their bubbly technical analyst almost appeared plain compared to this… apparition.

The young profiler tried not to fidget too noticeably, knowing from past experience that showing weakness usually didn’t end well for him… But he couldn’t help it: he was nervously biting his lips and tapping his fingers, trying to convince his stomach to stop spinning and praying he wouldn’t throw up. Oh, that would make things so much better… - He thought bitterly, snorting at his own misfortune.

And to think that yesterday hadn’t started out bad at all! Not until the director asked him to go to his office… Naturally, for lack of better options, he had done so, accompanied by Hotch and Gideon, both of whom had made it quite clear months ago they wouldn’t let their youngest face authority persons alone…

The day before

“I don’t understand.” – Repeated Reid for the third time, ignoring Gideon’s hand patting his shoulder comfortingly. What he had heard was too incomprehensible to just be made better by a fatherly hug. Beside them, Hotch looked like he had a big slice of lemon in his mouth. – “Is that some kind of joke?” – Joke. That could be the only explanation. Yes. That was it. A joke.

“No joke, Dr. Reid.” – Said the director with an almost pitying expression on his face. – “I’m afraid it’s quite real.”

“But---”

“Think of it as a glorious new challenge.”

The genius made a disbelieving face.

“Glorious?” – He repeated hysterically.

The director nodded, all the while avoiding eye-contact with the two older profilers as if afraid of them.

“Yes. Just think of the opportunity this presents!”

Gideon grimaced.

“And that would be…?” – He asked patiently, though Reid knew that inwardly the older man was picturing all the ways they could use the director’s head for target practice.

“Ahm…” – Finally, the leader of the FBI seemed to have caught on that nobody was excited about the news. Maybe there was still hope for the man after all. – “Well… khm… Okay, so everyone knows we have quite a reputation of being somewhat… ahm… uncooperative when it comes to working with other agencies.” – That was the understatement of the year but Hotch and Gideon both looked unaffected if not outright bored with the explanation. The director cleared his throat nervously. – “I volunteered us for this program.” – He admitted finally.

“But why Reid?” – Pressed Hotch. – “There are hundreds of agents you could choose from. So: why our team and why him?”

Now the director looked positively uncomfortable.

“Because…” – He began. – “He’s a bit more… How to say? Tolerable than most agents… I believe he won’t have any problems fitting in.”

“Sir.” – The youngest profiler sighed. – “I have problems fitting in anywhere. I am the epitome of a disaster.”

“Come on, Dr. Reid, don’t exaggerate! You’ll be fine, you’ll see. The team I’m sending you to is as unique as you are. So is the man you’ll get in return, Agent Hotchner.”

Hoch jumped up and roared:

“What do you mean ‘the man I get in return’!?

Present time

So, that had been it. There had been no way around it; thus Reid had ended up in Washington D.C., sitting at the desk of another agent he’d never met and who was now, undoubtedly, feeling very lucky to be rid of this hostile environment and spending some time with a team that operated like a family. And that left him, Reid, suffering the consequences.

He longed for his own desk. He longed for his ‘big brother’ Morgan. For JJ and Elle’s loving teasing. For Garcia’s jokes. For Gideon’s never ending support and Hotch’s firm but understanding pushes into the right direction. He desperately wanted to hear the words ‘wheels up in twenty!’ but all he got instead was…

“McGee, get the truck! Everyone get ready. We’ve got a dead marine.”

And while he tried to mimic everything the brown-haired woman was doing, figuring it was expected of him as well, all he could think about was: ‘Life’s so unfair!’

Chapter Text

“No way!” – Tony exclaimed in awe.

They had just finished briefing about the new case, during which the team (by now, Tony had learned their names: Unit Chief and Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner alias ‘Hotch’, Senior Supervisory Special Agent Jason Gideon, Supervisory Special Agent Derek Morgan, Supervisory Special Agent Elle Greenaway, Media Liaison Jennifer Jareau alias ‘JJ’ and Technical Analyst Penelope Garcia) had come up with the most ridiculous theories and ideas, all speculations, none based on actual facts. No wonder though, because – aside from a few absolutely gruesome photos that still gave him shivers whenever he mentally pictured them – they literally had nothing to go by. Tony could almost hear his boss’ angry outburst about how you should only speak up if you have something productive to say and how to shut the hell up if you don’t. How you should only share ideas you can prove and do your homework properly before burdening anyone else with wild theories. How legwork comes before guesswork. Never to waste his time with nonsense. These were so essential with NCIS they didn’t even make the official ‘Gibbs Rules’-list. And still, these were the first things you had to learn when you worked with the man; they came before EVERYTHING.

However, neither of these rules seemed to apply here, as ‘Hotch’ and Gideon seemed satisfied enough with the chaos that the uncontrolled brainstorming had caused. Nobody had even gotten as much as a headslap for it! Curious… very curious indeed.

Even more curious was what came after… The thing that was the cause for Tony’s flabbergasted exclamation.

“Wheels up in twenty!” – Agent Hotchner had shouted and right after that, everyone had filed out of the room, muttering something about getting their go bags.

Tony, who had figured JJ to be the safest person to talk to, asked what that meant and, smiling, she had explained about the jet.

Seeing his disbelief, she chuckled.

“It’s true. We travel around the States a lot; it would be impossible any other way.” – She explained.

“Why don’t we have an own jet though? We travel a lot, too!” – Whined Tony, thinking back to the time he had asked the same question and Gibbs had only glared at him as an answer. – “And what about go bags?”

“Ahm… Didn’t they tell you to bring an overnight bag?”

Tony frowned.

“No, actually, nobody did.”

“Well…” – JJ seemed uncomfortable. – “I think you’ll be able to purchase some things you’ll need in Ohio…”

“Ohio!? Are you serious? We’re really going there? But--- Oh, dear.” – This was going to be very interesting…

NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS

As soon as the truck stopped, Reid threw the door open and jumped out, just to fall onto his knees right afterwards, heaving heavily.

“Hey, you okay?” – The agent called Timothy McGee asked, sounding sincerely concerned. The youngest profiler didn’t have the energy to even raise his head enough to look at his temporary teammate, so he just nodded wordlessly towards the ground and prayed for the second time that day he wouldn’t puke on his first day with these crazy agents. Now that would surely make a good impression… - “Don’t be embarrassed: Boss’ driving takes some getting used to.” – McGee patted him on the back in an understanding way and Spencer was stunned: he hadn’t expected that kind of insight from an NCIS agent.

He nodded his thanks and proceeded to climb to his feet. With the help from the suddenly much friendlier agent, he finally managed it too.

He had learnt the names of all agents on the team by now: he knew that Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs was the team leader, and if you valued your life, you better stayed out of his way. And never, ever called him ‘Leroy’. Then there was the slightly chubby Probationary Agent Timothy McGee, (‘Call me Tim and not Probie!’) who was a whiz with computers and nearly as inept socially as Reid himself. Special Agent Caitlin "Kate" Todd on the other hand was outgoing and strong-minded. She always knew what she wanted and she usually got it as well. The profiler had decided right away never to anger her if he could help it. The elderly man who had been so fascinated with him was the medical examiner, Doctor Donald Mallard (‘Just call me ‘Ducky, my boy, everyone does.’) and the girl with the pigtails, named Abigail (‘It’s just Abby’) Sciuto the NCIS’ version of Garcia: she did basically everything the agents couldn’t.

Knowing their names, sadly, didn’t help him navigate around them. Reid, who’d always had trouble finding his place in new groups – well, everywhere, really – needed only about ten seconds to prove to everyone around him that he couldn’t fit in with them. No wonder the ‘Boss’ seemed to hate him already, even though they hadn’t even really looked at each other yet.

The poor profiler didn’t have any idea how he was going to survive a whole month with this lunatic team; because they were crazy that was for sure: they were so serious, so… for lack of a better word: professional. When they talked about the case, it was nothing like at the BAU: no calling out random ideas, no observations said out loud, no rhetorical questions asked… Basically, the junior agents presented the facts to the boss as simply and collected as possible; since the man apparently didn’t bother to read the case files himself and was also easily bored. Still, despite not knowing anything in advance, he was able to make everyone feel like a fool in just a few minutes. And, accordingly to this atmosphere, the others seemed afraid, too… Afraid to mess up, to say something they couldn’t confirm right away. They were obviously doing their best to read the older man’s mind and anticipate all his mood swings and wishes before he spoke them. Maybe, even before he thought them. Reid, with his poor social skills, had no hope to keep up with that, so he was probably already doomed to failure.

This was scary. Very scary. This month was definitely going to be very interesting…

BAU * BAU * BAU * BAU * BAU * BAU * BAU * BAU * BAU

Tony cursed for the tenth time, observing his reflection in the mirror. He, NCIS Special Agent Anthony D. DiNozzo Jr., was wearing an FBI shirt with an FBI jacket. What a shame; the world was surely coming to an end! He couldn’t go back out in these clothes! No way!

So, he just stood in the restroom and waited. What he waited for, he didn’t know. Maybe for the month to be over…

In the plane, right after takeoff, he had sheepishly confessed to ‘Hotch’ and Gideon that he hadn’t brought a go bag. He’d even explained how he hadn’t been told and thus he’d had no idea he even needed one. He had expected at least some sympathy but he could have sworn the two men seemed to almost be gloating over his misfortune! And then they had presented the solution; well, solution was a strong word for this...

‘Hotch’ had pulled a plain black bag from an overhead compartment and thrust it into his hands.

“We always have a few spares.” – He had explained and had, obviously, considered the matter closed.

The toothbrush and other toiletries were fine, Tony had to admit that. (They had even added his second favorite flavored toothpaste and that was a plus.) Even the clothes fit perfectly – although he had chosen not to question why everything was exactly his size in a bag that had been prepared God knows how much earlier than his assignment here... Right? Oh, whatever. The main problem was: the FBI logos that decorated each piece of clothing; pants, sweatshirts, T-shirts, ball cap, socks and yes, even the underwear. This was ridiculous, really and he wouldn’t leave the men’s room until this case was over!

He was just about to stomp his foot in frustration when Morgan appeared in the door.

“Agent DiNozzo, are you ready? We’re gathering in the room we were given to use. It will be our conference room while we’re here. I’m to escort you there.”

Biting back a remark and, with difficulty, keeping the snort that threatened to escape at bay, Tony sighed before wordlessly following his temporary teammate. He was feeling sure this man would never ever become a friend so he wasn’t too keen on trying to fake a conversation that would surely lead nowhere.

‘Not any of them will become friends! I just want to go back home!’ – He thought bitterly as they joined the others in a small and secluded place that he was sure had been used as a storage before their arrival: the table in the middle was haphazardly positioned and clearly a new addition beside all the dusty, probably long forgotten piles of files that littered every available horizontal surface and threatened to fall on all their heads. This possibility gave him an idea… – ‘Maybe if I suffered some kind of injury they would let me go before the time was up… Hmmm…’ – He could already see himself with a bandage, walking back into NCIS headquarters and kicking his replacement out…

“---Nozzo…?”

“Hmm?” – Tony looked up from his musings to find the entire team of profilers studying him with something akin to concern. – “Sorry, I was just…” – He had no idea what to say that didn’t sound nearly as offending as the truth though, so he just shook his head and shrugged. – “Sorry. Go on.”

“Agent DiNozzo…” – The dark-haired woman called Elle said slowly, as if talking to a particularly dumb child. – “Hotch asked for your input on the matter.”

“The… matter?” – Tony repeated, desperately trying to remember if it was possible he’d said something out loud about accidentally inflicting horrible pain on the man that had taken his place with his team…

“The case…” – JJ, the only one who was at least somewhat civil with him, added helpfully.

“Oh! Right. The case. What else.”

“Do you have a theory or anything to add before we begin fieldwork, Agent DiNozzo?” – Asked Gideon again, but when Tony tried to search his face for anger or the desire to headslap him, he couldn’t read anything like that on it. Actually, he couldn’t tell what the older man was thinking at all.

“Ahm… No, thanks. Nothing.” – He answered and then quickly looked down and studied the patterns of the table so as not to see the condemning glares he imagined he was getting.

After about a very uncomfortable five seconds of silence, Hotch announced.

“All right then. JJ: talk with the press, try to get the snooping under control. Morgan: call Garcia, see if she can find something useful. Elle: you’ll work on victimology; JJ will help you once she’s finished with the journalists. Jason will interview the witness who found the body, try to get something out of her.” – Waiting for everyone to nod in agreement to their assigned tasks, the team leader then turned to Tony. – “Agent DiNozzo, you’re with me.”

NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS

They had just finished assessing the crime scene when the lead agent turned to Spencer as if only now noticing his presence:

“Where is your weapon, Special Agent Reid?”

Spencer cringed at being addressed like that (in front of strangers at that) and nearly forgot to answer, only realizing he was expected to speak up when McGee jabbed him hard in the side with an elbow that was unnaturally bony for someone his built.

“Ouch! Ahm…” – He gulped. – “I don’t carry one, sir…” – At the disbelieving glare he received, he quickly added as an explanation: - “Profilers are not required and… well… Imnotreallygoodatshooting… Sir.”

Kate just gaped while Tim shook his head as if hoping he could make their boss forget what he’d just heard.

Sadly, it didn’t work.

“What was that again, Special Agent Reid?” – Gibbs asked in a dangerously low voice that everyone who knew him could identify as imminent danger.

“I said… I’m not good at shooting, sir. I… didn’t pass my last… khm… Never mind.”

“You’re. Not. Good. At. Shooting.” – Clarified the team leader with narrowed eyes. – “As a special agent, Doctor Reid, what do you intend to do when somebody threatens you with a gun? Throw some well-aimed verbal insults at them!?”

“Ahm…”

“I haven’t ever heard anything like that before! Even Tobias can shoot! Well, mostly.”

Reid had no idea who ‘Tobias’ was but he figured they’d probably both just been insulted. It was still not easy for him to read social cues but the fact that the two older agents paled told more than anything. He was in trouble.

“I’m sorry, sir.”

“Don’t call me ‘sir’!” – The man hissed.

“I’m sorry, s--- Agent Gibbs. It’s probably best if I just stay behind while---”

“Stay behind!? No way! I’m missing an agent and I’m not about to send my people into a dangerous situation without any backup. Todd, get him a gun and McGee: teach him to shoot! You have until tomorrow!”

With that, the lead agent stormed away, leaving his two teammates and one profiler gaping after him in shock.

“In half a day!? I haven’t been able to learn properly with months of practice!” – Spencer gasped. – “I swear, he hates me!”

Kate kindly patted his shoulder.

“I’m sure, he doesn’t.” – She said before leaving, probably to search for a suitable gun to use for someone who shouldn’t handle anything more serious than a slingshot.

Reid turned to McGee hopefully.

“You think she means it?”

The NCIS agent gave him a pitying look.

“Nope.”

Great. Just great…

Chapter Text

“Why don’t you trust us, Agent DiNozzo?” – Came the question out of nowhere as Hotch stopped the car in front of the house where the victim had been killed by something called an ‘UNSUB’.

Still, it didn’t surprise Tony at all; as soon as the team leader had declared they’d work together, he had already suspected an ulterior motive behind the command. So, he just shrugged and refused to look the older man in the eyes as he answered.

“Trust doesn’t come easy for me; it’s got to be earned. Sorry, but you haven’t earned it, so: no trust.” – He explained honestly, having figured these people would know if he lied anyway. They were profilers after all… After some internal debate, he added carefully. – “No prior involvement with the FBI has done me any good. Usually, whenever your agents appear, it means trouble for me and my team.”

The BAU leader contemplated the answer for a while, before giving Tony a small but friendly smile which, even if the NCIS agent didn’t know it, was very rare coming from him.

“Fair enough. But then it’s only expected that you should give us the chance to prove ourselves, don’t you agree?”

Tony gaped in disbelief, not quite knowing what to say to that. He had been insubordinate, disrespectful and outright mean and the man didn’t threaten to send him to the director? He wouldn’t even get a headslap for it!?

“I… Ahm… I think so…”

“That’s wonderful then!” – Hotch smiled again, probably breaking his own record of the amount of smiles per day, then pointed at the house that had been, only a couple of days ago, witness to a brutal murder. – “I trust you know what to do at a crime scene?”

“Of course I do, that’s what I do all the time: I take photos, make sketches, bag evidence and come up with theories.”

“Oh, so you do have theories of your own?”

“Sure I do.” – Tony nodded, understanding completely where the question had come from: he had refused to contribute to the team’s brainstorming during the whole time they’d been at it. – “I just don’t like to spill them before I have at least some kind of proof I’m not a complete idiot.”

Hotch nodded in acceptance.

“Let’s go then.”

NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS

Spencer hung his head in shame after seeing his poor scores at the shooting range Tim and Kate had brought him to.

“It’s not so bad.” – Kate said reassuringly, checking the chart. – “With a bit of work, you’ll pass your firearms exam with no problem.”

“I know you don’t mean it, there’s no reason to be this nice about it.” – Spencer mumbled darkly, currently not caring about how rude he must sound when the other two were actually making an effort to be friendly with him.

The female NCIS agent rolled her eyes in exasperation.

“I do mean it and I am not nice!” – She insisted as if Reid had offended her by even suggesting such a thing. These people were funny…

“Look, man…” – McGee sighed. – “You think I have such an easy time with this stuff? Come on, I’m an MIT graduate, for Pete’s sake, I prefer computers to guns! And Kate here? She once shot her own cell phone during target practice.”

Kate glared at her colleague angrily but seeing that the pep talk was working, she continued.

“There’s also a good reason there’s a nine millimeter hole in your cap.” – She chuckled, motioning towards the ball cap Tim had pulled onto Spencer’s head to make him an ‘honorable member’ of their team.

“Oh. I’ve been meaning to ask.”

“Let’s just say, Gibbs is definitely the only sniper on our team.”

“Wait! He’s actually a sniper!?” – Reid squeaked. – “I’m so dead!”

“No, you’re not. He only expects us to be able to watch each other’s six.”

“Each other’s what!?”

Kate just rolled her eyes and thrust the gun into his hand. Then she proceeded to push him forward while Tim placed his earmuff back to its intended place.

“Less whining. More work.”

Resigning himself to his fate, Spencer aimed at the target…

BAU * BAU * BAU * BAU * BAU * BAU * BAU * BAU * BAU

“So, what do you think, Agent DiNozzo?” – Inquired Hotch, having given the younger NCIS agent about half an hour uninterrupted investigation time at the crime scene during which the BAU leader had observed his work.

The young man had begun by walking through the house, taking pictures and sometimes making notes, sketches in his notebook. Then he looked around again, making sure the CSI teams had gathered all the evidence and hadn’t missed anything of importance. He had even bagged a few things for later observation. Lastly, he had remained at the place where the actual killing had happened and stared at it intently for a while.

Hotch was impressed; he had never seen any agent work this quickly and methodically without having a team there to help them. Normally, you didn’t work a crime scene alone.

“I believe the murderer---”

“We call him UnSub for ‘UNknown SUBject’.”

Tony rolled his eyes, having heard the term before and finding it utterly ridiculous.

“Yeah, whatever. Hopefully, he won’t be ‘unknown’ for long. So, he came in through the window upstairs, then crept down and attacked our unsuspecting victim while she was cooking in the kitchen.” – He pointed towards the couch that stood, still dark-red from the blood, in the living room. – “He raped her here, cut her up pretty badly in a very creepy way and also killed her right afterwards with a hit to the head at the same spot.”

“How do you know he cut her up before killing her? We don’t have the ME’s report yet.”

Tony pointed at the various blood-splatters around the room and at the spots on the couch.

“Because of the quantity and the color of the blood.” – He explained. – “The dead don’t bleed like that.” – Seeing the confusion on the team leader’s face, he smiled sheepishly. – “I guess I’ve been spending way too much time around Ducky. Our ME.”

“You have an own medical examiner in your team?”

“Yeah, and we usually arrive at the newfound crime scene when nothing’s been done yet, so that we’re there when he records his preliminary findings. I know what he looks for. I know, for example, that the suspect---”

“The UnSub.”

“--- did indeed use the kitchen knife the police found by comparing the injuries shown in the pictures to the blade.”

“Incredible. And how do you think the man came in through the upstairs window? There’s no sign of him climbing up, besides, somebody would have seen him from the street… The local PD couldn’t explain this.”

Tony smiled, feeling more and more confident.

“Oh, but it’s easy: He climbed up at the other side, over the roof and down here.” – He said it as if it were the most obvious thing. Sadly, to Hotch, it wasn’t, so he just blinked in confusion. – “There actually is a fire escape ladder at the other side.” – He said. – “And the roof is easy to navigate on. I could show you---”

“No, no.” – Hotch quickly shook his head. – “I believe you.”

“He only spent seconds where anyone could have seen him. He waited until nobody was around.”

“Okay… And what about the hit to the head?”

“Blunt force trauma. Probably by the small statuette the crime scene investigators suspected.” – Tony indicated the place where it had been standing before being taken away for evidence. – “Our killer must be fit and strong, probably about my height, give or take an inch. He wore sneakers, size 11. And he got some blood on his clothes so he has probably gotten rid of them by now either by burning them or throwing them into a dumpster somewhere.”

Hotch looked around, back at Tony, then around again. He was stunned.

“And you got that all just from walking through the house twice?”

“Yep.” – The NCIS agent said cheekily. – “I also know the woman knew him.”

“How so?”

“See this spot there?” – He pointed towards the kitchen. – “She was cooking, while listening to music through her headphones, thus she didn’t hear him break the window. When she saw him behind her, she startled but wasn’t afraid. Not right away. They talked. You can see by the small dirt pile that he stood there for a longer time.”

“She could have been begging for her life though… Or threatening him.” – Pointed out the BAU team leader.

“True. But she wasn’t. If she had been, she’d have grabbed the knife she was using to cut the onion to try and defend herself with it. But she didn’t.”

Hotch smiled appreciatively. – “Spoken like a real profiler. Agent DiNozzo, if you’re not careful, you might be mistaken for an FBI agent soon.”

“God forbid!” – Tony let out a mock-horrified gasp but secretly, he was thrilled about the praise. It was not every day he got complimented for a job well done. Actually, it almost never happened… - “And call me Tony. All my colleagues do.” – He added, though he himself didn’t understand why. They weren’t colleagues and certainly not friends.

“All right then. Tony. Let’s head back and tell the others everything you have learnt. I think we just made a great headway in the case.”

NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS

The morning, Gibbs had taken a look at Spencer and had nodded appreciatively at the fact that he carried a gun. No more questions about it had been asked and the young profiler had finally been able to breathe a sigh of relief for the first time since this assignment had started. Soon, the team leader had headed upstairs to speak to the director, leaving the three junior agents alone to prepare for the day.

They were just about to start discussing yesterday’s findings together, as it was, apparently, normal with NCIS – Kate and Tim had explained they usually refrained from doing so right away after inspecting the crime scene, giving them time to check and double-check every theory and idea they might have. Spencer had noticed the day before that, while all of them had done a very professional and thorough work – even having their own ME with them and all – nobody had said much about that they’d been seeing. It was strange for him because he was used to just blurting out whenever and whatever came to mind.

But now he wanted to do everything perfectly so as not to give the strict man any more reasons to dislike him, so he had even drawn diagrams to present the profile and make these people understand what he wanted to tell them, keeping in mind that they definitely weren’t profilers like his usual colleagues.

“Where did you get this presentation board from?” – Asked McGee, surprised to see something as out of date as a whiteboard in such a close proximity to him. He seemed to be afraid it could spread an infectious disease or something judging by the way he tried to keep away from it. – “We have a huge computer screen to use you know. HD quality.”

“I know but I don’t really work well with computers. I don’t like them.”

“WHAT!?” – McGee asked, completely horrified. To him, it was as if someone had said they didn’t eat food. – “How can you not like computers? They do everything for you, they help you find whatever you need and---”

“I can find whatever I need in books just fine.” – Shrugged Spencer. – “I love their smell. I love to leaf through them. I like to hold them. And it’s much better for me, since I remember most of the things I’ve read on a paper but I don’t always remember what I read on the screen. It’s funny, really.”

Tim was about to poke Reid’s cheek to see if he was even a real person when Gibbs appeared on top of the stairs, walking towards them with his habitual long, deliberate strides.

“Don’t even think about it, McGee. Contrary to appearances, he IS a person.”

Tim quickly drew his hand back; Kate smirked, while Spencer only looked confused.

“How did he know…?” – He whispered.

“He’s Gibbs. He just does.” – Answered Tim simply.

“That doesn’t make any sense.” – Spencer pointed out, careful not to be overheard by the man who had taken a seat at his desk by now and was looking at them calculatingly.

“Trust me: it does.” – Said Kate, pushing the young BAU agent towards the dreaded screen. HD or not, Spencer wasn’t a fan of it for sure.

Soon, the pictures from the crime scene appeared on it when Tim pressed the button and started the presentation.

“So, what we know so far is that Sergeant Alvez was killed sometime between 11 and 12 PM Sunday night by probably one killer and dumped at the crime scene not long after.”

Kate took the remote control and continued.

“We are sure the dump site wasn’t actually the place where the petty officer was murdered so he must have been transported by the killer. Sadly, the street was completely abandoned during the night and the only street camera that’s nearby has been broken for ages.”

“We can assume the killer knew about that, so he must know the area. Is probably from around here.” – Tim said.

“There were two previous murders in the last two weeks: Gunnery Sergeant Montgomary was killed 5 days ago, while Corporal Ritter 11 days ago. Same MO both times.” – Kate added, flipping through new pictures.

“All three times the victims disappeared while wearing their uniforms, at least according to their teammates and friends, but were found in various, mismatched clothes.” – Tim finished before he, too, turned expectantly towards Spencer, holding the remote control out for the profiler to take.

Spencer stared at the device for a moment, unsure of what to do. Then he gulped and – ignoring the outstretched hand altogether – stepped over to the whiteboard. His own terrain, finally.

“Khm… Ahm… Well…” – Why were all three agents glaring at him? Or was he just imagining? He wanted to sink into the floor… He wanted to disappear. He wanted to--- Ah, whatever. He turned to the charts and diagrams he’d prepared and began: – “Our Unsub is a white male in his late twenties, early thirties…” – As he was falling back into the well-known routine, he was gaining more and more confidence. – “He’s not a big man but he’s strong. Probably of average height and weight for someone who’s done sports all his life.” – By now, he had all but forgotten he wasn’t presenting the profile with his own beloved team to the local PD. – “He has wanted to become a marine, has applied numerous times for bootcamp but has always been rejected for some reason. Probably because of some disability; I’m guessing he’s colorblind.” – He didn’t see or didn’t care about the confused expressions he was getting. – “He lives near Quantico and spends his life watching marines; that’s how he knows when and how to get them. He doesn’t torture them because for him, that’s not important; the important thing in his mind is: getting rid of competition. That means if he kidnaps another victim, he won’t wait long to murder him. Also: he’s clearly escalating, so we don’t have much time.”

The silence that followed his presentation was almost deafening. Spencer, finally remembering where he was, sank onto Tony’s chair and waited for the lead agent to start yelling at him…

Chapter Text

Previously:

The silence that followed his presentation was almost deafening. Spencer, finally remembering where he was, sank onto Tony’s chair and waited for the lead agent to start yelling at him…

Now:

But the yelling never came. Instead, Kate cleared her throat.

“Ahm… Spencer? How did you come to these… khm… conclusions?”

The lead agent was still contemplating him thoughtfully and suddenly, just maybe, he didn’t look so condemning anymore. That alone gave the young BAU agent strength to answer.

“Well, I profiled him.”

“But how? How can you know all this stuff without any evidence?” – Pressed McGee, clearly at a loss.

Spencer smiled.

“Oh, but we do have evidence.” – He said.

“We do?”

“Yes! It’s all around!” – Now he was passionately explaining again, imagining he was teaching a class of students eager to learn He was waving around his hands and pointing at various pictures he’d put on the whiteboard. – “It’s in the way the crime was committed. The when and how are very important as well; the MO is incredibly telling. Victimology, patterns, behavior… I mean, that’s why the FBI has us: the Behavioral Analysis Unit! That’s what we do: we examine the small details even the most seasoned CSI agent might miss or dismiss as unimportant. We draw conclusions; founded ones, mind you. We use the profile to understand why the UnSub did what they did and how they did it. What was their motivation? When will they strike again? Who’s the next potential victim? And most importantly: how can we catch these UnSubs?”

Tim furrowed his brow…

“The ‘un…’ whats?”

“The Unknown Subjects. UnSubs. That’s what we call the suspects.”

“Why?” – Kate inquired, now very interested. She had studied some profiling before but she’d never really seen its uses; truthfully, until now, she had thought it was just bogus. Now she was actually starting to understand its importance.

“Hmm… I don’t really know. It’s been done for ages.” – Reid shrugged. – “Anyway, my conclusions are quite simple: how do I know he’s wanted to be a marine? Well, that is the reason for him working out; thus I know his physique; that’s the reason he lives nearby, watches, lurks… Also, he must be strong to carry out these kidnapping and to place the bodies like that, but he can’t be bulky and big because it’s clear he can hide well. I know that because he catches his unsuspecting victims unnoticed. He’s probably handsome or at least likable-looking, because he doesn’t stand out; he’s not suspicious. I know he’s not interested in torturing them because all three bodies turned up within a day after being abducted and with no signs of torture whatsoever. They were simply killed. So why could this be? Because he wants to be rid of them. It’s very telling that he takes those who are in uniforms, so I know it’s personal and related to what the uniform represents. It’s got meaning. Motivation. It’s also important to note none of the bodies turn up wearing the uniforms; by the time he deposits them, they’re dressed in civil clothes. Why do I suspect he’s colorblind? Because of the clothes being so ill-matched it actually hurts the eyes. Just not his. And that can be the reason he’s not accepted to bootcamp. His age? It must be right for enlisting because he’s still hoping but he can’t be very young because he’s been trying long enough to have failed quite a lot. So, here’s your profile.”

Again, silence followed his lecture but this time, Spencer didn’t feel so bad about it; for, on the face of the great Leroy Jethro Gibbs, he could see something akin to… awe!

In the end, the lead NCIS agent presented Reid with a very rare smile.

“It’s impressive. Good job, Agent Reid!”

Spencer blinked.

“It is?”

“Don’t make me say it again, Agent Reid. I’m not in the habit of repeating myself.” – Gibbs said but his eyes remained friendly and open, telling Spencer he wasn’t really angry. This was good to know because an angry Gibbs was a frightening Gibbs. – “All right, people: I’m going to tell Abby about what we’ve just learnt, maybe it will help her narrow down the search somehow. You go and talk to the witnesses. The profile gives us a huge advantage but never forget Rule #3!”

“Rule #3? What’s rule #3?” – Spencer asked.

Kate and McGee exchanged silent glances, so it was the lead agent who answered.

“Gibbs’ rules. You’ll need to learn them if you want to operate with this team.”

“Ahm… All right. So, where can I find them?”

“Nowhere.” – Kate answered.

Now the youngest profiler was confused.

“Nowhere? But then how will I learn?”

Gibbs smiled.

“You are here. You observe. You learn. The others will help you. Be mindful of Rule #9 before going anywhere. I don’t like that you’re never prepared. No gun, no knife? You’re just asking to be attacked, boy. I will make you a real agent if this is the last thing I’ll do because I strongly believe in Rule #5.”

“What---”

“The others will tell you! Don’t waste my time with nonsense!” – The boss bellowed.

“I’m sorry…”

“Rule #6! Never say you’re sorry! It’s a sign of weakness. Are you weak?”

“Wha---- I mean… I’m… No, I don’t think I am.”

This didn’t seem to be the right answer.

“You don’t ‘think’ you are? Don’t you know?”

Spencer, who had a feeling he was finally starting to figure the boss out, looked straight into the man’s eyes and said with as much confidence as he could muster.

“I know I’m not weak.”

This seemed to satisfy the leader, because he turned to his other two teammates expectantly, instructing them without words like always.

“Yes, Boss. We’re on it.” – McGee said quickly, holstering his weapon while Kate grabbed the car keys.

When Gibbs disappeared in the elevator, the dark-haired woman asked Spencer:

“Hey? You coming? We’ll tell you all about the rules in the car.”

“Oh, yeah, sure… Which witness do you want to talk to first?”

The two NCIS agents smirked, obviously enjoying his cluelessness.

“We’re not going to talk to anyone. Not together, at least.” – Tim explained. – “There are three witnesses and three of us. So, what does that tell you?”

“Ahm…” – Reid didn’t know what he was supposed to say to that. Surely they didn’t mean…? – “I don’t know because it’s required that at least two agents be present at all times and that means---”

“Jesus… Kate! The boy is really going to quote the agency rulebook?” – McGee said in a mock-horrified voice, clearly enjoying the fact that for now, he wasn’t the youngest or the newest on the team. For a while, he was the one who could pick on the ‘Probie’.

“No, it can’t be!” – Kate clapped her hands to her heart. – “He wouldn’t do that to us. Especially when he knows by now that we operate by Gibbs’ Rules solely!” – She then shook her head. – “Come on, Spencer! It’s so much quicker this way! Each of us takes a witness and we’ll be done in an hour! We go everywhere together, it takes the whole day!”

“Okay, but won’t Agent Gibbs be angry---”

“No. Trust me: he’ll be proud.” – Tim patted his shoulder. – “You’ll learn, Kid. Let’s go.”

Spencer wondered if it would be the right time to tell them that he’d never been allowed to talk to a witness alone…

BAU * BAU * BAU * BAU * BAU * BAU * BAU * BAU * BAU

“So, Agent DiNozzo---“

“Call me Tony.” – Tony had decided to let them call him so, since he figured if he’d be with them for a month, listening to ‘Agent DiNozzo’ the whole time would be incredibly awkward…

“Tony.” – Morgan smiled in an annoyingly knowing way. – “I hear you did an exemplary job yesterday at the crime scene.”

The NCIS agent didn’t know what to say to that; Morgan was the last person he’d expected a praise from.

“Ahm… Thanks…” – He muttered.

“So…” – Elle began. – “At NCIS you do the job of the CSI team as well?”

“No, not really… I mean, yeah, maybe we do…” – It was kinda hard to explain, Tony found. What had been absolutely normal for him before suddenly seemed to only be one possible option amongst many others; before now, he had never really thought about what and why they did and how it could be done differently. – “We do arrive at the crime scene with them and we bag evidence, take photos… Usually, I do the sketches. I like doing it myself because then it’s easier for me to use them later.” – He added as an explanation, seeing their awestruck expressions. – “Why, is there something wrong with that?” – If he sounded a bit defensive, he couldn’t help it.

“Why, no; of course not!” – Hurried Elle to reassure him. – “Actually, we’re impressed.”

“Yes.” – JJ continued. – “We usually arrive at the crime scene afterwards, when these things have already been done. I wouldn’t know how to sketch to save my life.” – She admitted with a small laugh.

Morgan nodded.

“As you saw, we deal with serial killers; so when we get a case, we usually have one fairly new murder along with more cold ones as well that match the new MO and the local PD only now makes the connection. Sometimes, we don’t even have the opportunity to see anything on site anymore because some murders were months or even years ago. I think it would be easier if we could work like you guys do though because like this, if the local police did a sloppy work, that’s what we have to deal with.”

“I used to be a police officer before joining NCIS.”

“I didn’t mean to say they all do a sloppy work, I just meant---”

“I know what you meant.” – Tony didn’t want to sound too huffish or anything but his voice indicated clearly that he considered the matter closed; just in time before he’d accidently tell them what he thought about the work the mighty FBI sometimes did…

The profilers exchanged a glance as if they had a very good idea what he was thinking but then decided to drop the subject.

Right then, they arrived at the place where the first victim had been found over half a year ago.

“All right.” – Morgan. – “JJ and Elle: go talk to some neighbors. Tony, you and I will walk through the scene to see if the initial investigation missed some important aspect.”

“Why don’t we split up?” – Suggested the NCIS agent, unconsciously mirroring his far away colleagues thought about time-efficiency. – “Then we could cover more ground quicker.”

The FBI profiler looked at him in surprise as if Tony had just declared the sky was green.

“We never do that.” – He countered. – “It would be foolish and dangerous. We always work in pairs. Don’t you?”

Tony shrugged, having already noticed how different the two agencies were and not having the patience nor the energy to explain their ways. It wouldn’t matter anyway; rule #38 said: Your case, your lead. Even if this wasn’t NCIS he was going to follow this directive and respect this team’s working methods because he was only a guest here and would – hopefully – be home soon.  

“I think the suspect came from there.” – He said instead, turning into the indicated direction. – “And dragged the body all the way there…” – He turned to the other side, tracing an invisible line with a finger. – “Just to stop by that bush there.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because that’s the only way it could have happened.”

“The police thought he came from that other street to jump her.”

“Yeah, well: you did say yourself the police do a sloppy work sometimes… Oh, and I also think the victim knew her killer, so she most probably wasn’t jumped at all. They might even have been walking together. Just like by the newest case; they weren’t strangers. I think our suspect---”

“UnSub.” – Morgan corrected almost automatically not entirely surprised when Tony ignored him altogether.

“--- only kills those he has prior connection with.”

“I agree. It appears to me as if they were quite close, it’s possible that they dated.” – And then the BAU agent smiled cheekily. – “But how do you know that, Agent DiNozzo? Are you secretly becoming a profiler?”

“Don’t even say things like that, Agent Morgan!” – Groaned Tony exasperatedly before walking back towards the SUV where he could see JJ and Elle already waiting for them.

“So, guys. Did you learn something?” – Elle questioned as soon as they were close enough not to be overheard by curious passersby.

“Yeah. Sherlock here determined that the police were wrong: the Unsub knew the victim. They were probably walking together and arrived from a different direction than originally thought.” – Morgan summarized their findings and ignored the way Tony rolled his eyes at the unwelcome nickname.

JJ nodded.

“This seems more logical. Mrs. Peers in number 2234 seems to remember seeing a ‘cute young couple’ walking hand in hand exactly where you thing they were.”

“Let’s head back and talk to Garcia. I saw some CCTV cameras around, maybe she can get us the recordings.”

NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS

“So… ahm… Mrs. Hendriks… You called the police when you found the Sergeant---”

“Yes, and it was so horrible!” – The elderly lady nodded and wiped her eyes with a bright pink handkerchief. – “I was walking Mr. Pickles like every morning. He likes to get out early, you know.”

“Who?”

“Mr. Pickles. My dog.” – She said, nodding her head toward a miniature dachshund sleeping soundly in front of the door, clearly not interested in the guest enough to stay awake for long. It was fine with Reid; dogs generally didn’t like him and he wasn’t particularly fond of them either. – “And then I saw him… He was young. Not like you, sonny, but still way too young to die.” – Spencer smiled sheepishly, waiting for her to continue. – “He was just lying there with blood all around and… he was… he was…” – She started sobbing loudly. – “DEAD!”

“I can imagine how frightening this must have been, Mrs. Hendriks but please… can you remember any details? Was anyone else there? Did someone appear suspicious or strangely nervous perhaps?” – Reid tried, inwardly cursing the whole situation. He shouldn’t do this alone. Actually, he shouldn’t be doing this at all: normally, it was JJ or Elle talking to distraught women. Or Hotch, or Morgan or sometimes even Gideon. Anyone but him. He, with his incredible people skills certainly shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near a person when they were this hysterical! – “Did you notice anything unusual?”

As soon as he had finished the question, he knew it had been a mistake: the elderly witness cried harder than ever and Spencer was afraid she’d throw up or pass out soon if she continued like this.

“Unusual? UNUSUAL? Do you think finding a corpse is not unusual enough?” – She lamented, motioning toward the kitchen with one hand. – “Fetch me a glass of water, sonny, won’t you? I don’t feel too well…”

“Sure…” – The young profiler hurried to do as he’d been asked, all the while wondering if there was a way to flee from this situation, even though he was fairly sure there was a Gibbs Rule against giving up on an assignment...

Kate and Tim had dutifully listed the rules to him on the way here but he wasn’t sure he had caught them all. He had an eidetic memory, meaning he remembered everything he read on a paper or wrote down for himself. This talent didn’t extend to everything he’d ever heard. Mostly, his memory was just fine with that as well though, as he was often asked to recite something word to word to the team they’d been told during the investigation. But these rules… these rules didn’t make any sense. No sense at all. Thus, it was also more difficult to remember them.

He knew there was a rule – number 15, perhaps – that said ‘always work as a team’, and yet, here he was, alone. Maybe these rules only applied when it was convenient? This was also probably the reason it was strictly forbidden to write them down – that way, they could change them whenever they wanted and nobody would be any wiser.

If it were his team, they would come to help. No, correction: he wouldn’t be alone in the first place. Gideon and Hotch seemed to have made it their personal mission to walk Reid through his time learning social interactions and help him out in certain occasions. Especially occasions like these. And if for some reason neither were available then he could always count on his ‘big brother’ Morgan to step up and support him. Now though… Now these were quite unusual circumstances with a team he didn’t know and with people who didn’t seem to want to coddle him at all. Who treated him like they treat each other: normally, with no exceptions made only for him.

Actually, maybe this wasn’t such a bad thing after all…

“Your water, Mrs. Hendriks.” – She thanked him kindly and sipped quietly for a while. When she had calmed down a little, Spencer tried again with a bit more tact than before trying to remember how JJ always talked to the grieving families. – “Mrs. Hendriks… Sergeant Alvez was 26 years old and had a fiancé. They were planning to get married next spring and wanted at least three children. All his plans have been destroyed because somebody decided to kill him. We don’t know who, we don’t know why. But we want to catch this person so he can get his rightful punishment. And we need your help. Please. We have reason to believe the Sergeant had been deposited there only minutes before you found him. It’s probable that you interrupted the killer. Think about it: did you notice something?”

At first, the elderly lady looked shocked. Then horrified. And in the end, she nodded thoughtfully, as if only now giving the matter real thought.

“Actually… There was someone. A man. He seemed to be in a hurry and even shoved me a bit when he passed.” – She said. – “I thought he was very rude but didn’t think… Didn’t know… Oh, Dear, do you think he was the killer? He could have killed me too!” – She stood and started walking up and down in the small living room, wringing her hands agitatedly. Her dog looked up curiously but then decided it wasn’t worth the trouble and rolled over to continue his sleep. – “I was in grave danger and I didn’t even know it”

Reid wanted to remark that in a big city like that, they were all literally in grave danger at all times, with all the lunatics walking around everywhere... But he somehow didn’t think that would make her feel any better and he was pretty sure neither JJ nor Elle would try to use this argument. So he cleared his throat and said instead:

“No, no, ma’am. I can assure you, he wouldn’t have hurt you. We profiled he’s only hunting for marines… But please, can you give me a description? Anything?”

“Oh, well, maybe I can try… So…”

By the time she was done with her explanation, Spencer had a pretty good idea what the UnSub looked like. Waling back towards the car with a self-made sketch he felt proud and more confident than ever. He had done it. He had spoken to a witness completely alone and hadn’t made a total fool of himself!

Wait until Gideon and Hotch heard of it…

BAU * BAU * BAU * BAU * BAU * BAU * BAU * BAU * BAU

Standing in the living room of the witness who they hoped would help them learn more about their second victim, Tony sighed. The CCTV cameras – and the curious woman named Garcia – had done wonders to their theories. Now if only they could prove it to be true for the second murdered woman as well…

“So, Ma’am…” – He began unsurely. There was a reason he usually let Kate handle crying witnesses. He was lots of things but, sadly, ‘tactful’ wasn’t among them. – “You knew Claire Winston?”

The woman who was in her late sixties, early seventies, nodded and blinked away some tears.

“Yes. She was my neighbor and she often helped me do the shopping or just came over to talk… I’m somewhat lonely, you know…”

“I’m… khm… very sorry to hear that…” – Gideon had insisted on coming with him, claiming just like the others before they’d never let an agent work alone, but then why wasn’t he helping!? What was the use of him if he just sat there quietly and deliberately let Tony suffer alone? These people were nuts, for sure! – “Did she have a family of her own or was she living alone?” – He fished for more information about their victim.

This seemed to have worked because the woman blew her nose then shook her head.

“No. Poor thing was lonely, too. I guess that’s why we liked each other’s company so much…”

Tony looked at the senior profiler for some kind of support but the man was pointedly ignoring everything that was going on and only stared off into space as if his mind were at a completely different place. Great… And they called this teamwork!? At NCIS at least everyone did their own jobs and didn’t just tag along and pretend to help!

So, it was him asking a question again:

“She didn’t even date? Did she go out sometimes?”

First, the elderly woman shook her head but then, as if only remembering something, she took a deep breath and said:

“Actually… Yes. Sometimes. Not a lot, mind you. She wasn’t that kind of woman, you have to understand. Not easy.”

“Of course.”

“But she was lonely. And wanted to start a family. She was already nearing thirty and was afraid she’d run out of time, so… She started that… thing… you know, using her computer, looking for someone. She used to say the word… Ahm… Tender, or something…?”

“You mean: Tinder?” – Tony guessed, and huffed annoyedly because, of course Gideon would choose this moment to listen in on the conversation and if it wasn’t enough, the old man even had the nerve to smirk!

“Oh, yes, yes! That’s it. Tinder. She told me stories about some young men she’d talked to but it seemed like it wouldn’t work for finding a real boyfriend.” – She explained before starting to sob.

“Did she tell you about whom she was meeting the evening before she died?”

“Oh, yes. She told me everything, you know? She was almost like a daughter to me. My own daughter, Monica… She doesn’t even visit me. She comes for Christmas and calls for my birthday but that’s it. She moved to Canada over two years ago. Has a husband and my two grandchildren there. Soon, they will alsp have their own families and I’ll never see my great-grandchildren. They don’t need me---”

“So… What did Claire tell you about her date?”

“Well… She said he might be The One. She said he looked very handsome in the pictures and was very nice-sounding; because they had talked over the phone; and she also said he seemed like a real gentleman.”

“In what way?” – Tony inquired. He, per definition, had a very good idea what a gentleman was like but still, he couldn’t imagine how this could shine through when you were only writing online or talking on the phone without actually meeting someone. Didn’t anybody want to have normal relationships anymore?

“Well, for example, he let her dictate the pace. He let her choose when and where to meet, what to do and when to go home. She said he was the first who didn’t push her more than she was comfortable with. The only one who didn’t seem to only want… well… you know. That.” – She actually blushed a bit at that and Tony knew very well what she was referring to.

So, the killer was charming and had a good knowledge of how women work. He manipulated them. He probably even liked ‘hunting’ more than the actual act of torture and killing. He was definitely already stalking his next victim and it was only a matter of time before they’d fine a new body.

As soon as they’d said goodbye to their witness he told Gideon that.

The senior profiler nodded thoughtfully.

“If it appears too good to be true, then it usually is.” – Was the only thing he said in a cryptic way.

Tony didn’t understand what that meant but didn’t really care either. He seethed.

“By the way: thank you for all the help in there!” – He said angrily.

Gideon didn’t seem fazed.

“Anytime.”

The NCIS agent gaped: what was wrong with that man!?

Without missing a beat, the senior profiler climbed into their SUV and Tony had to hurry to do so as well for fear the old man would leave him standing there without a second thought.

He hoped the others had made some headway identifying the man.

Chapter Text

“Okay, so: what do we know this far?” – Asked Morgan, though he was obviously talking to himself. He even answered his own question right away which, Tony thought, should warrant a diagnosis in itself... – “He looks for his victims on Tinder, is a real gentleman with them, they go on a date or maybe even multiple dates and, finally, he rapes and cuts them up before murdering them. Why!? What’s his reason?”

“He killed his first and second victims when they were walking home from the date.” – JJ continued. – “While he killed the third one later, in her own home. Why is that?”

“Well, he wasn’t invited into that home either.” – Reminded them Hotch. – “According to Tony…” – He looked at his temporary colleague. – “… he climbed in through the window upstairs.”

Tony nodded to confirm his earlier findings.

“She’s the only victim who survived the date itself; the others were killed right after. Maybe he didn’t have an opportunity to hurt her while walking home. It’s a somewhat busier neighborhood than the others.” – He explained and some of the others seemed to agree.

Elle had another suggestion though.

“Or maybe he even thought he was really going somewhere with her but then she didn’t seem interested enough. There must be a reason he tries so hard every time.”

“But every witness said the women were head over heels in love with him! So maybe they were too interested.” – Suggested JJ. – “Maybe he’s afraid of commitment.

Gideon shook his head in negation but it was Tony who finally voiced both of their opinion:

“No. It’s not that. The guy’s a hunter. He chooses his prey, he gets in contact, makes her fall in love with him and when that finally happens, he knows he’s won. So she won’t be interesting anymore. Just a hindrance; something to get rid of.”

The senior profiler continued without missing a beat.

“He enjoys the excitement of planning the kills and building anticipation while he stalks his eventual victims more than the actual act of killing. That’s why the killing itself is simple: a hit to the head that ends it all. Now the torture before that… it’s his endgame. The ‘big finale’.”

“He doesn’t take trophies. He doesn’t want to prolong the violent phantasies; he doesn’t need it.” – Hotch continued.

“Because he’s already looking for the next woman to kill?” – Guessed Elle, shuddering a bit.

“Yes.” – Morgan confirmed. – “He doesn’t show remorse, he doesn’t stop to think. He hunts.”

“Aaron, tell the police we’re ready to deliver the profile.” – Gideon concluded. – “JJ, arrange a press conference. Women need to know to be cautious.”

As they all filed out of the room, the unit chief grabbed the senior profiler’s arm and held him back, waiting for everyone to be gone and out of hearing distance before asking:

“So, what do you think of Tony?”

Gideon considered the question for a moment.

“He’s highly intelligent. Not like Reid, of course, nobody is like Reid, but I believe he has a score of ‘High IQ’.”

“140!” – the unit chief said in awe. This was incredibly rare.

“Maybe even somewhat above. He’s amazing.” – Gideon said with confidence. – “But he pretends not to be. I’m not even sure he knows he is.”

Hotch nodded.

“He thinks outside the box and adapts very quickly to new situations. He’s also incredibly perceptive and has everything a profiler needs. But he’s guarded and plays a role. Why?”

“I don’t know. But we still have over three weeks to find out.”

NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS

“I have the recordings of all relevant CCTV cameras of that time in the area.” – Said Abby before Reid even opened his mouth to ask. – “It’s about eleven hours of material to watch.” – She continued darkly. – “There’s some popcorn in the room; just put two portions into the microwave for three minutes.”

The young profiler thought he must not have heard right.

“Ahm… What?”

The forensic scientist with her two waving, black pigtails turned towards him with a stern expression.

“Two popcorns, microwave. NOW!” – Was all she said, pointing into the direction where, obviously, the requested items could be found.

Spencer gaped for a few seconds but then decided it was better to comply – she looked dangerous and really: who knew what she was capable of!?

“Miss Sciuto, we won’t watch it here… together… ahm… will we?” – The profiler inquired as soon as they had a safe distance between them. He was trying to figure out how to operate the microwave when, suddenly, he felt a slap on the back of his head. – “Ouch! What was that for?” – He rubbed the place she had just hit, wincing at the stinging sensation that he was still feeling. – “That’s abuse!”

“You’ll at least learn this way to never… EVER… call me Miss Sciuto again! I’m Abby!” – She crossed her arms and glared menacingly.

Spencer nodded.

“Okay… Sorry… Abby.”

“Now, Mr, press that button there and pop those corns finally! We have a long night ahead of us!” – With that, she left a stunned Spencer and walked back into the lab to position two comfortable-looking armchairs in front of a big screen.

‘This can’t be true…” – Reid thought desperately. – ‘Can it?’

Five and a half hours later…

“This is the most boring movie I’ve ever seen! And that says a lot, ‘cause I watched Fifty Shades of Grey and it ranked first on many ‘most boring films’ lists!” – Abby complained, stretching her arms and legs after a while of fidgeting in vain. Her limbs hurt and she was tired! – “Tony would be climbing the walls by now!” – She moaned, glancing at Spencer who was still watching the screen intently. – “You don’t seem to mind so much… Spencer… SPENCER!?”

The profiler jumped in surprise.

“Woa! What?”

“You’re not paying attention to me when I’m confessing my deepest, darkest, most hidden secret!? That’s not nice, Mr!” – She hit Reid in the arm and the young man yelped.

“Hey! You’re really abusing me!”

“I’m tired! And bored! I can’t believe you’re still able to watch this, we’ve been sitting here for hours!”

“But, Abby, it was your idea in the first place---”

“And you let me!”

“Heh? What could I do? You hit me when I as much as hesitated!” – Protested Spencer though he had a feeling he didn’t stand a chance against her.

And he was right.

“Yeah, well. It’s also my idea that we should probably have a break. Maybe sleep a bit.”

“You go on and rest. I’ll continue.”

“Are you sure…?”

“Yep. It’s fine. Hey, is there a way to speed this up? Watch it in fast-motion or something…”

Abby looked at him funnily, as if trying to see if he was joking.

“Fast-motion? You do know that we actually have to look for clues here, right?” – She said slowly and cautiously. – “We need to be able to pay attention. This could be important; that’s why I’m saying we should rest a bit.”

Spencer refrained from rolling his eyes because Gideon had told him ages ago it tended to annoy people and was considered disrespectful. So, he just sighed.

“Yes, Abby. I know. The subconscious mind can process 11 000 000 bits of information per second, while the conscious mind only 16 bits. If you can make your subconscious mind work then you can read or watch----” – Seeing the confused expression of his tired companion, Reid decided not to push his luck anymore. – “Khm… Anyways. I’d like to try it.”

For a while, Abby didn’t say anything. She just stared at the young profiler, trying to figure out if he was deliberately being difficult; after a minute or so, she decided she was too exhausted to care so she just shrugged and pressed a button.

“This will speed it up. Have fun, Spencer.”

With that, she produced a futon from seemingly nowhere and lay down to sleep, leaving Reid to do what he did best: work out riddles on his own.

BAU * BAU * BAU * BAU * BAU * BAU * BAU * BAU * BAU

“So, and the local police really listen to you guys?” – Asked Tony just as they had finished presenting the profile to them and each officer had taken their notes. Some had even asked questions. – “Because in my experience they don’t like feeling like the ‘guests’ want to know something better than them.”

Gideon shrugged, Morgan smiled knowingly and JJ answered:

“Oh, it’s actually not so difficult.” – At Tony’s expression that clearly said ‘heh?’, she explained. “You only have to make them think they’ve come up with the solution themselves.”

The NCIS agent who really wasn’t used to diplomatic tactics, not with a leader like Gibbs, blinked in confusion.

“Sure… If you say so…”

Morgan suddenly wrapped an arm around the unsuspecting agent’s shoulders, and teasingly squeezed him.

“There’s a lot you still have to learn, my young Padawan.”

“You like Star Wars? Really?” – Tony’s eyes sparkled excitedly; it was a rare occasion that he got to talk to fellow fans. – “Which film? My favorite is the original trilogy but I actually like the first six.”

“No way, man! I do, too! And Garcia! We usually watch them together when we have the time.”

“No! Really? You spend time together outside of work just for fun?”

The profilers all suddenly froze and seemed surprised at the mere question. Elle gaped openly and Hotch inquired:

“Yes, we do… Why, at NCIS you don’t?”

“Ahm…” – Tony felt uncomfortable under their scrutiny. The truth was, they never really spent much time together after hours thought this didn’t mean anything, since they were working during 99% of their waking hours… Had he said something stupid? Was there something wrong with it? – “Well, I go to my boss’ place sometimes.” – He said truthfully. Because he did it. Sometimes. And Gibbs usually didn’t send him away.

“You talk?” – Asked Elle, trying to figure him out.

“I… wouldn’t say that.” – They really didn’t know his team leader, that was for sure.

“Then what do you do?”

“Boss works on his boat. I watch. Sometimes we drink a beer.”

“Oh.” – JJ said but it was clear she didn’t get it. How could they? They were so different…

“At times I talk. He grunts if he agrees. And… well… he grunts if he doesn’t. I can decipher it most of the times!” – He added defensively and tried to ignore the creepy way Hotch and Gideon seemed to have a silent conversation involving, without doubt, him just by staring intensely at each other.

“Okay… That’s… khm… Nice. And what about your other teammates?”

“Well… McGeek does his geeky things. Like when he writes a book about us which he claims isn’t actually about us but everyone knows it is. He’s an MIT graduate, you know, considered some kind of a whiz with computers. He’s the smart one on the team.” – Why were the two oldest agents nodding at each other? It was so frustrating to see! – “And Kate does… whatever she does when she’s not working. I haven’t been able to figure it out just yet. She used to be with Secret Service so she’s well. You know: secretive. I guess she’s very smart, too.” – Now the unit chief and the senior profiler sighed deeply. What was wrong with them!? Not able to understand, Tony went on with the explanation. – “Ducky has his 90-year-old mother to take care of and he himself isn’t very young either. He prefers to stay at home whenever he can and just to relax. I guess Abby’s good company; when she’s not bowling with nuns. She’s our forensic scientist and even more eccentric than your technical analyst. She’s also a genius, at least according to Boss. She can freak me out sometimes with the things she knows. So… Yeah. That leaves me with not much. I was just a simple street cop before joining NCIS, nothing special.”

“Aren’t you lonely?” – The blond agent asked with compassion in her eyes. By now, Agent Hotchner had stopped the silent conversation and seemed very interested in studying Tony, while Gideon was watching him with that annoying calculating expression the NCIS agent had experienced before. The one he could feel on the back of his head without having to turn around to actually see it.

It was quite disconcerting, so he plastered a fake smile on his face and replied.

“Nope. I’m a DiNozzo. DiNozzos are never lonely; we like our own company.”

Knowing looks again. Damn, he should have known he wouldn’t fool them. These were profilers after all.

Morgan sighed.

“We’re planning a Star Wars marathon with Garcia when we get back. Care to join us?”

“Look, you don’t have to…”

“I know. So?”

“And which movies…?”

“A New Hope, The Emprise Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi, of course. The real ones, where it all began.”

“Sure!”

NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS

“You should’ve seen him, Gibbs!” – Abby shouted as soon as the silver-haired team leader entered her lab the next morning. – “Spencer found the evidence on the tapes by watching them in fast-motion! It was brilliant! I couldn’t even see anything and he just spotted what we needed! Like bumm!” – She clapped her hands, causing the young, half-asleep profiler to jump in surprise, and nearly fall off his seat.

Reid only now noticed the presence of the boss, so he straightened as much as he could after sitting the whole night in an armchair, and tried to make himself look somewhat presentable, even though he knew it was probably futile. He also blushed at the praise.

“It was really nothing.” – He said humbly, combing through his messy hair with his fingers, not really achieving anything with it.

Gibbs raised an eyebrow and only muttered something that sounded like ‘Definitely not DiNozzo’, but Reid couldn’t be sure.

“The killer, Gibbs!” – Abby bounced excitedly. – “We have him!” – She smiled cheekily, before freezing the picture she had just finished enhancing and improving. It showed a white man in his early thirties. He was not overly muscular but seemed strong and fit nonetheless. He was seen hiding behind a fence, watching as the victim walked by, waiting for the opportunity to strike. – “He looks exactly like Spencer said he would!” – The forensic scientist unnecessarily observed.

“It would seem so.” – Gibbs agreed simply. – “Are you sure it’s him?”

“Absolutely, Agent Gibbs.”

“Good job, Agent Reid.” – Ignoring Abby’s theatrical gasp at the compliment, the NCIS team leader motioned for the young agent to take the printed photo and leave. – “Tell McGee to put out a BOLO. We’ll catch this SOB.”

Spencer was about to leave but Abby grabbed both their arms in a death grip, preventing the two agents from moving.

“Gibbs, Gibbs, Gibbs, Gibbs, Gibbs!” – She chuckled. – “I’m not finished yet!”

“No? Is there something else?”

“You can bet there is! I know who he is.”

Spencer gasped.

“You do? How?”

“What, did you think I spent all the night sleeping while you were working?”

Reid looked uncomfortable, not really knowing if she was teasing him or felt seriously offended by his question.

“Ahm… No, of course not… I didn’t mean to imply…”

“I know. Well, I remembered what Spencer profiled about this man’s desire to join the marines. So, I ran his photo in a program and I found this…” – She said, changing the screen to show a personal file of someone named Garret Murphy. – “He really has applied for bootcamp. Three times to be exact. And luckily, they keep records.”

“Good job, Abbs. I trust you also know where he lives?”

“Naturally.” – Abby smiled. – “Oh, and guess what?”

“What?”

“According to his evaluation, he’s colorblind.”

Chapter Text

“All right, people. Here’s a photo of Garret Murphy. He’s 32 years old, fit and probably armed, so be alert. He has already killed three marines and won’t stop unless we catch him. So: go!”

The SWAT team took position outside of the house that belonged to their suspect. The NCIS team, having joined them, drew their weapons as well; Reid having a hard time keeping the trembling of his hands at bay.

Hotch, Gideon and Morgan would die of a heart attack if they saw him right now, he knew that very well. They hadn’t ever let him participate in a raid like that; actually: they never let him do anything that could be even remotely dangerous. He was the youngest, the baby of the team, and they took care of him. Most of the time, he was all right with it, but sometimes… sometimes he wished he could challenge himself. See if he was even cut out for this job because until now he’d never had the opportunity to find out. Gideon had found him at Caltech, invited him to Quantico then started grooming him to be a profiler right away, even though normally the agents had to have a ‘history’ before they were even considered for an elite group like that. His case was certainly  without precedent and it was one of his great fears that other agents might resent him for that. He knew very well there were literally dozens of others who’d do anything for a place at the BAU and he had been just catapulted over their heads out of nowhere…

But despite his wish to prove himself from time to time, now that he had the opportunity, he wasn’t sure it had been such a good idea to volunteer. While Agent Gibbs evidently didn’t give a damn about his safety on a personal level, he had nonetheless offered for him to just stay behind and wait until the action was over, probably afraid he’d be held liable if something were to happen to his temporary agent while on his watch.

Spencer hoped for both of their sakes it wouldn’t come to that.

“You okay?” – Asked Kate in a whisper from somewhere behind him.

He could only nod as a confirmation because he was afraid he’d just squeak noncoherently if he opened his mouth.

“It’ll be fine.” – Assured Tim but he himself looked a bit green. He was, after all, this team’s version of him; the ‘Probie’ everyone tried to keep alive. It had to be noted though that, unlike him, the youngest NCIS agent didn’t have the option to choose to stay out of this mess…

“Just try not to accidentally shoot yourself or each other.” – Gibbs muttered to the two young men just before the commotion began.

And a commotion it was!

In the beginning, Spencer was too busy trying to stay out of the SWAT agents’ way and, along with that, out of the line of fire, but he soon found it was kind of exciting to be part of an action like that.

“Clear!”

“Clear!”

The agents shouted as they methodically searched the house and the adjoining premises until suddenly they could hear shouting from the underground basement.

“Garret Murphy, drop your weapon!” – Somebody called out in a threatening manner.

Gibbs, Kate, Tim and Spencer quickly made their way down as well, coming to a stop at the bottom of the narrow staircase, finding themselves face to face with the man they’d been looking for in the past few days. And with his gun, pointed directly at the NCIS agents.

“NCIS. Drop your weapon and surrender, Murphy. You know you don’t have anywhere to go from here.” – The NCIS team leader warned.

“It will be better for anyone if you just do as you’re told.” – Kate added.

The two more experienced NCIS members slowly and carefully neared the man whose eyes were darting around like a caged animal’s upon realizing he was completely surrounded. By a sudden decision, he jumped towards the stairs – right where Tim and Spencer were still standing, too stunned to move quickly enough. The SWAT members clearly couldn’t shoot in this situation because of the danger of hitting the two agents right next to the suspect. So, the genius knew instantly that it was up to them to do something. Anything. The only problem was: he had no idea what…

But he didn’t really have time to dwell on it either. He looked McGee in the eyes and on a silent agreement, both stepped closer to each other, completely blocking the exit. Murphy growled at them like an angry dragon and tried to push them down the stairs to gain way, succeeding only for a second before Spencer managed to catch himself on the railing and – with Tim’s help – grabbed the suspect’s arm to hold him down, causing the man to drop his gun.

After that, it was over as suddenly as it had started. At least three SWAT agents stormed them and together, they had Murphy in cuffs in no time. The young profiler was just glad the stairs didn’t collapse under their combined weight as the murderer was led away. He could hear Kate reciting his Miranda Rights to him as they left.

When everyone else was gone, Gibbs still stood in the basement, staring up at the two youngest agents who had, for all intents and purposes, caught Murphy single-handedly.

Tim let out a breath he’d been holding.

“Wow. Just… wow. That was… intense.” – He said finally.

“And we didn’t shoot anyone.” – Spencer pointed out, to which the team leader only shook his head.

“That’s the only thing keeping me from firing you both.” – He said but his mouth curled into a slight smile. – “That was a very unusual method but… I have to admit: it worked.”

Even though the profilers had agreed long ago never to profile teammates, Spencer had already drawn his own conclusions about the man, and therefore knew very well the strict boss was actually quite pleased with them and had come as close to saying it out loud as he ever would.

He had done good.

BAU * BAU * BAU * BAU * BAU * BAU * BAU * BAU * BAU

“We should set up a date.” – Said Tony out of the blue two days later when the team was discussing the case in their designated “office”. By now, they had all gotten used to the narrow spaces and having to navigate between towers of boxes. Only once had a pile of files fallen on Elle’s head from which she still had a small cut behind her right ear but otherwise, they didn’t mind it anymore.

“What do you mean?” – Morgan inquired but thought he had a pretty good idea. And he was not sure he liked it.

“Work smarter, not harder.” – Tony recited his favorite saying which was DiNozzo Rule #1. As soon as he’d get an own team, he’d make it official. He ignored how the two oldest profiler exchanged a glance again, since by now he had seen it so many times he had learnt not to care. He continued explaining instead. – “I mean we register a fake account on Tinder, and try to get the guy to write to us instead of us chasing him. Then, we’ll meet him.”

“But how will we know when he writes? I mean… He surely won’t introduce himself as the UnSub.” – JJ pointed out.

Tony rolled his eyes exasperatedly.

“You’re the profilers, right? You’ve got the profile. You’ll figure it out.”

Gideon thought about it for a while before nodding in agreement.

“That’s actually a very good idea. Certainly easier than chasing a ghost and I definitely don’t want to wait for him to kill someone else.”

“We know what he’s looking for. We’ll give him exactly that. And then, he will be the one writing to us.” – Continued Hotch. – “We’ll need an undercover agent…”

“I will go with her to the place of our choice.” – Tony offered. – “I’ve done things like that a hundred times. And I think it should be JJ. You didn’t speak on the press conference, right?”

“No, I let Detective Morris handle it… I just prepared her for what to say.”

“Did you appear on screen at all?”

“I don’t think so. I was standing far away from the cameras.”

“Great! You can do it then.”

“What? No! I will do it.” – Elle protested but Tony didn’t like it.

“Sorry, Elle, but you’re just like my partner, Kate: you couldn’t look vulnerable and naïve enough to pass as the potential victim. Besides: I might not be a profiler but even I know you’d shoot first and ask questions later if he made a move at you. No, we need JJ.”

“She’s not even an agent! She’s the media liaison!”

“I’ll look out for her!”

“You’re not supposed to be doing that either! Let the local police handle it.” – Morgan argued. – “We’re profilers, our job is to deliver information that help catch the UnSub. We don’t actually have to do the arrest!”

JJ stood and held up her hand placatingly.

“I want to do it.” – She said. – “I don’t want anyone else to die and I trust Tony to keep me safe. He’s done this before. Right, Tony?”

“Yes.”

“JJ, are you sure?” – Hotch wanted to make sure she knew exactly what she was volunteering to do.

“Absolutely.”

“Then I’ll come with you.” – Morgan declared but Tony immediately shook his head again.

“No offence, Derek, but you couldn’t not look FBI if your life depended on it. And that’s true for all of you except for JJ and Gideon.” – He smiled. – “I think it’s best if we do it my way. Trust me.”

Hotch sighed but he had to admit: their young guest was right.

“It’s settled then. Morgan, call Garcia and have her set up the account, or whatever it’s called. I’m sorry, JJ, but then we’ll have to use your photo.”

“I know. It’s fine. Just make sure it will be deleted without a trace afterwards.”

“Okay, everyone. Let’s do this.” – Hotch himself didn’t know why he was giving an outsider the lead but something made him think this would work. Gideon and him had talked the evening before and had settled on the opinion that the NCIS agent had an extraordinary way of thinking that would be an asset to them. Now, it looked like this theory was already proving to be true.

A few hours later, the team decided Tony had been right: it was a good idea to try and have the UnSub contact them indeed. JJ’s photos had done the trick: they had gotten a bunch of responses within minutes after posting them, and soon, they had a very detailed compliment from someone they suspected to be their man.

“This guy’s creepy!” – JJ sighed as she read a novel-length description about her ‘incredibly beautiful’ blond hair that was just like Rapunzel’s. – “And he’s got a hair-fetish! I hope he doesn’t want to trap me in a tower!”

“Don’t worry: no tower.” – Tony patted her shoulder. – “He’d much rather kill you first.”

The young woman grimaced.

“Gee, thanks. I feel so much better already.”

“I don’t think he has a thing for hair.” – Hotch mused, ignoring the bickering. – “He hasn’t been consistent with his previous victims’ hairstyles at all.”

“No, he hasn’t.” – Morgan nodded. – “I’d say he finds something else that attracts him on each woman.”

“Morgan’s right.” – Gideon added. – “It could be anything: eyes, lips, rosy cheeks, the chin---”

Elle snorted.

“The chin!? Come on…”

Tony just shook his head in amusement. He couldn’t believe they were really discussing so calmly what a killer liked or didn’t like about women… Who cared, really? He was a deranged man who needed to be caught. Having had enough of waiting any longer, the NCIS agent pulled the keyboard toward himself and started to type.

He would arrange the date if that was the last thing he did.

And he did it. He had the time and place agreed upon after a mere three hours of ‘chatting’.

“How did you do that!? I thought it would take days to get to this point!” – Morgan exclaimed after having confirmed with his own eyes that the news was true.

“Incredible.” – Was all Elle could say.

“Ah, well. Never underestimate the DiNozzo charm!” – The NCIS agent said, conveniently forgetting he had been pretending to be a woman in those messages.

“So, it’s tonight, hmm? I’ll go tell the police.” – Gideon declared before getting up and going to look for the detective in charge. They all had to prepare.

A few hours later

“JJ, you look uncomfortable.” – Observed Tony who himself looked in both women’s opinion dashing in his rented tuxedo. He walked and behaved totally normal in these clothes even though they knew by now that he preferred simple sweatshirts and T-shirts to formal attire. Still, it seemed Anthony DiNozzo really was a chameleon and could pass for just about anything and anyone. An incredible skill if you worked as an undercover agent.

“I am uncomfortable.” – The blond FBI agent confirmed, squirming in her long velvet-colored dress and wincing when she felt the high-heel shoes already giving her blisters. Because she, unlike Tony, wasn’t used to pose as someone else. – “Couldn’t you have chosen a less elegant place to meet? I mean, how will I run in these if that man attacks me!?” – She complained, waving her hand towards the pointed toe tips and the 5-inch Stiletto heels.

“Relax. You won’t have to run. I’ll be in there to keep you safe. I’ll shoot him before he’d hurt you.” – The NCIS agent winked, showing off his gun that would be hidden under the perfect black jacket and another one that he was about to attach to his left leg as backup.

Hotch nodded appreciatively at that.

“How very comforting.” – The sarcasm in JJ’s voice was hard to miss as she slipped and fell towards the wall only to be caught by Morgan before she could hit the nightstand next to her. – “Thanks, Derek.”

“Tony, are you sure this is a good idea?” – Morgan asked as he pulled JJ back to her feet.

The answer was instant and confident.

“Yep. Totally sure.”

Gideon and Hotch exchanged worried glances but neither of them was about to pull the plug on the plan now. They had too much at stake for that.

“All right everyone…” – The unit chief said. – “Let’s go. It’s now or never.”

The ballroom of the elegant hotel was packed with dancing, chatting or giggling pairs. Some were standing around high, round bar tables, eating mini sandwiches and drinking champagne, while others had already gone ahead and were trying out some dance moves they probably hadn’t used for a while.

The event was in full swing when Tony and JJ arrived – separately, of course –, with Tony equipped with an earpiece carefully concealed in his left ear and both agent on alert.

“It’s all clear for now.” – The NCIS agent whispered, knowing full well that the rest of the team, waiting outside in a nondescript black van could hear him perfectly. They had, naturally, tested their devices in advance. – “I don’t think he’s here yet.” – They didn’t have a picture of the man who had opted for staying anonym, claiming he would find JJ and she would get a ‘very lovely surprise’. How very nice of him…

“It’s fine, we’re early. Keep an eye out.” – Came the reply from his temporary unit chief.

“Aye, aye, Captain.”

Outside the building, in the van, Hotch rolled his eyes while Elle and Morgan snickered.

“He’s something…”

Gideon shrugged.

“He’s effective though.”

“That he is.” – Agreed Hotch just as the NCIS agent’s voice could be heard again:

“He’s here. Wearing a black tux; such a surprise; thick black hair. Glasses. It’s like Harry Potter suddenly appeared.”

“Great…” – Elle sighed. – “So, we’re looking for a fictional wizard.”

“Oh, he’s very real.” – Came over the comm again. – “He’s just approaching JJ. I’ll go a bit closer.”

“Just be careful not to draw attention to yourself.”

“With all these women around? Impossible, old man. Impossible. I’m getting many inviting glances… Oh, hi ladies, I love your dresses! You both look gorgeous, just---”

“DiNozzo!”

“Yeah, okay, okay… Just kidding. I can see them now. He’s introducing himself right now.”

“Are you sure that’s him?”

“I believe so, yes. I can hear him talk about Tinder.”

“Great. We’re prepared to move in if we need but---”

“I know. We’ll try to draw him out so that we won’t make a scene. I remember the plan, Hotch.”

The bickering went on for a while longer during which time JJ was starting to relax with the man. Even knowing he was a serial killer, she still had to admit it: the man was indeed very charming. And cute. Not at all what she had imagined.

“They’re coming out. Tony, follow them. But remain unnoticed.”

“Roger that.”

As soon as JJ and the man stepped outside and away from the group of people smoking on the stairs, the blond FBI agent made sure to step as far away from the man as possible without becoming suspicious.

Tony, in the meantime, got closer and closer while still hidden in the shadows. It was not difficult, since it was already completely dark and the streetlamps with the meager light they provided weren’t helping much with that.

“Thank you for the evening.” – The man said in a very polite, almost meek way. – “I had a very good time.”

“Me too.” – JJ agreed, trying to look calm, even though her heart was beating somewhere in her throat, threatening to jump right out. She knew what was coming. The man would try to attack her soon. That had happened to the others as well. She had to trust her teammates and especially the NCIS agent who had been tasked with coming to her aid immediately.

“Would you like to come to my apartment? Just to talk, I swear!” – The man added quickly. – “It’s just that I like you very much and I’d like to get to know you better…”

“Sure… I’d love that…”

JJ felt the man coming near her again and drape an arm around her shoulders. She glanced behind them and was relieved to see Tony nearby, following. He gave her an encouraging nod that was so tiny she almost missed it. He really was a professional undercover agent, she thought, because nobody would have suspected him to be anything but a simple guest at the event or a passerby.

“My home’s that way.” – With that, the UnSub pulled JJ roughly into an abandoned alley, pushing her against a brick wall. The FBI agent stumbled and mentally cursed her shoes again, promising to chuck them into the nearest dumpster as soon as this assignment was over. She also swore never to let Tony dress her again as her ‘perfectly made’ hair fell into her eyes.

“What the---?”

“Shut up, bitch. You think I don’t know you find my ridiculous? You think I didn’t notice your disappointed surprise when you first saw me? You think I don’t know that---”

JJ never got to find out what the man thought he knew about her nonexistent opinion because at that moment, Tony appeared and pushed the UnSub off her, both men rolling on the ground for a second, before the NCIS agent settled on the man’s stomach with one knee jabbed hard into the killer’s abdomen to hold him in place and pointed a gun at his temple.

“One move and I’ll accidentally pull the trigger, slime ball.” – He warned, ignoring the man’s cowering.

Tony didn’t move until the police and the rest of his temporary team arrived and Morgan forcefully pulled him off the suspect.

Somewhere behind them, his preoccupied mind half-registered Hotch and Elle making sure JJ was okay, and Gideon observing the scene from afar, smiling proudly at his team.

They had done it. They had made sure this ‘UnSub’ wasn’t an ‘un’ anymore and that he wouldn’t kill again.

“So, Tony…” – Morgan said when the killer had been taken away and the police started securing the crime scene. – “How about that Star Wars marathon tomorrow?”

“That sounds great!”

Chapter Text

About three weeks and a couple of more solved cases later, each team had to say goodbye to their temporary members with conflicted feelings. On one hand, they had come to like their guests a lot and also to depend on their various talents and skills, on the other hand they were missing their own teammates dearly and were glad to finally get them back. A month without your loved ones had been a long time, after all. The teams, and especially the leaders, each wished they could keep both agents for themselves which was, of course, impossible.

“So, this doesn’t mean we can’t keep in touch…” – Said JJ, sounding strangely choked up. When Tony pointed this out, she just shrugged. – “I think I’m coming down with a cold.” – She explained half-heartedly, not really believing it herself. Tony had been the first to trust her with a very important task; an agent’s work. Tony had told everyone she could do it, even though they had all pointed out she was ‘only’ the media liaison. And she had done it. After that, Hotch had asked again whether she wanted to try and become a full-fledged agent and this time, she hadn’t rejected the idea right away. It didn’t sound so impossible anymore.

“There are a few more movies we could watch...” – Garcia offered and Morgan nodded right away in agreement.

“Like Terminator.” – He suggested.

Tony smiled. Their Star Wars marathon had been a blast, followed by all of the Indie-movies. He couldn’t wait to do something like that again with his new friends.

“Did you know that originally O.J. Simpson would have played the Terminator?”

The others just laughed, shaking their heads. When it came to films, Tony knew nearly as many random trivia as Reid about everything else. Nobody would tell at first glance but they had learnt by now: the two agents weren’t as different as they had originally thought them to be.

“So, you think nobody can withstand the DiNozzo charm, right?” – Elle asked cheekily. – “We could test this theory sometime… I challenge you to get a date within two hours in a bar of my choice!”

“Two hours? Lady, are you kidding me?! I only need twenty minutes to have three women hanging on my every word! I will show you!”

“Great. But if you don’t manage, you’ll pay for all our drinks.”

“Agreed.”

After a few pats on his shoulders and some more well-wishes, the senior profiler stepped up to him to take the others’ place saying goodbye.

“NCIS is lucky to have you.” – Said Gideon, shaking his hand and Tony felt thrilled. Somehow, he had a feeling a praise coming from this man meant nearly as much as from Gibbs. – “I hope we’ll have another opportunity to work together soon.”

“I hope that, too! I had a great time.”

“It was an honor having you on the team, Agent DiNozzo.” – Hotch shook his hand as well, showing the utmost respect. – “You’re an incredible agent and highly intelligent. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, because your working method and success rate speaks for itself. And if you ever wish for a change of scenario, I will take you in a heartbeat.”

It was surreal. Tony hadn’t ever thought he could be civil, let alone friends with FBI agents. And to have them compliment him this way! Gibbs always let Tony think he was the dumb one on the team. McGoo was the smartest of them after all and Kate the slick one. With Gibbs as the strict marine and team leader, the only role remaining for Tony was that of the class clown and frat boy. Or at least that was what he’d believed – until now.

Maybe things could change for the better at home, too.

“Oh, and Agent DiNozzo?” – Gideon called after him. – “I hope you left Spencer’s apartment in pristine condition.”

Tony blushed.

“I… khm…”

NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS

“You were much more agreeable to work with than Tony. I’m almost sad to see you go.” – Teased Kate, patting Reid in the back. She had by now learnt the boy didn’t like sudden, unexpected movements or any kind of uninvited human contact, so she made sure that he saw her intention in advance and also to keep the touch brief.

“You’re not bad. For FBI.” – Abby laughed to show she was only joking. – “And it’s a plus that you understand what I say. None of them do. Well, aside from Timmy here. Sometimes.”

“Hey! I always know what you say!” – The young agent protested. – “But I surely liked having someone around who’s even more geeky than I am…”

“Ahm… Thanks. I think…”

Ducky stepped up to him, grabbing his hand warmly.

“You know what Gibbs said, my boy? He said you were an incredible agent with amazing instincts and an admirable way of thinking. If he could do so without losing Tony, he would keep you on the team permanently. But if you tell him I said that, I’ll deny everything; I’m generally not a coward but I do value my life.”

Gibbs strolled into the bullpen at that very moment, stopping in front of the group.

“So, you’re leaving?” – He asked in a neutral voice but his posture betrayed his feelings: he was sad to see the young agent go even though he couldn’t wait to get his own agent back. He didn’t understand why it had to be a choice between them.

“Assignment’s over…” – Reid explained, having difficulty speaking for some unknown reason. – “I need to go back to my team and your agent is coming home…” – Originally, he had hated the mere idea of spending a month with NCIS so why was it so hard to say goodbye right now? Shouldn’t he be happy to go back to Quantico? Wasn’t he happy? Of course, he was, he couldn’t wait to talk to his teammates. His family. It was just… Whatever.

“Oh.” – Gibbs sighed. – “Well, I hope you left Tony’s apartment the way you found it. Especially that his DVDs are still in place. He doesn’t like a mess. Unless he’s the one making it.”

Spencer smiled.

“It’s all clean and tidy.” – He confirmed. – “Thank you for… you know… Putting up with me.” – He said awkwardly.

“It was good while it lasted.”

“Sir? I mean… Agent Gibbs?”

“I’m just saying it wasn’t as horrible working with the FBI as I thought it would be. You’re a very competent agent and I believe even Tobias wouldn’t want to deny any association with you like he usually does with the morons called colleagues he has.”

The others burst out laughing and Spencer soon joined, figuring it probably wasn’t meant as an insult but a joke. He hoped at least.

NCIS * BAU * NCIS * BAU * NCIS * BAU * NCIS * BAU * NCIS * BAU

When Spencer entered the director’s office, three persons were already there: the director of FBI whom he knew very well, the director of NCIS whom he had seen occasionally in the past month and a young agent who he assumed must be the ‘infamous’ Anthony DiNozzo whose apartment was full of DVDs but otherwise looked like a museum for expensive furniture you marvel at but wouldn’t want to actually have in your own home.

“Doctor Reid, thank you for joining us. Take a seat, please.”

Spencer sensed Tony’s curious expression follow him as he settled in the armchair next to him and in front of the two directors. Strangely, the stare didn’t feel uncomfortable. Actually, it was as if he knew this man whom he’d never even met before.

Tony studied the young ‘Doctor’ whom he felt like he knew already, although he was seeing him for the first time ever. Still, he’d just spent a month being him: living in his apartment, working with his team. The boy’s home was full of books. Nothing but books. He didn’t have anything usable in the kitchen and his furniture was old but comfortable; the whole place was cozy but also as disheveled as the boy himself seemed to be. He didn’t own a television which Tony would have found unbearable, hadn’t he traveled nearly all month to different well-equipped hotels or visited Morgan to watch films.

The kid looked just like he had expected he would: he was a very young child playing dress-up in his grandfather’s closet. Thank God they hadn’t had to wear each other’s clothes during the assignment; even the FBI sweatshirts were better than this ancient style…

Spencer turned to look at his ‘colleague’ and smiled shyly. He got a confident grin in return.

“I’m sorry to say I might have left a bit of a mess in your apartment. You know, pizza boxes, because, honestly: what else was I supposed to eat without even a microwave? And the clothes I used. The ones your team oh-so-kindly provided for me? You know, all with FBI logos everywhere on them? I might have left them on the floor… Things like that, ‘cause we’ve been a bit too busy traveling around to do much cleaning. But I didn’t touch your books, I swear.”

Spencer felt annoyance boil in him but if he had learnt something over the last month then it was standing up for himself and not taking the bait. So he plastered a cheeky smile on his face and said calmly:

“Oh, no problem at all. I love to do housework. So much that I cleaned out your desk drawers---”

“You did WHAT!?”

Bingo…

“Well, Kate and Tim told me you’ve been meaning to do it for ages, so when we had half a day without a case I went ahead and---”

“And what!? What did you do? I’ll kill them both!”

“Don’t worry, I only threw out those old dirty magazines. Gibbs said you never even look at them anymore. And I found a broken Mighty Mouse stapler---”

“It’s. Not. Broken!” – The NCIS agent growled. – “You didn’t throw it out, did you? DID YOU!?” – In the end, it sounded more like pleading than anything else.

Spencer ignored the question and went on.

“By the way, I enjoyed your apartment very much. Especially the jacuzzi. Ahm… I hope you pay flat fee for hot water…”

“WHAT!?”

At that, Spencer burst out laughing and Tony, finally understanding what was going on, was shocked. This… Kid! This child had won! Against him! Who would have thought?

Actually, he felt proud; since he was sure this must be his team’s doing.

The director of FBI, rolling his eyes at the agents’ immature display, began his speech.

“So, I’m sure you’ve already guessed but this is Agent DiNozzo, whose place you took for a month. Agent DiNozzo, this is Doctor Reid. You were filling in for him during that time.”

The two nodded silently.

“Agents.” – The director of NCIS continued. – “I hear both of you have been doing a great job in an undeniably irregular situation. You’ve been taken out of your comfort zones and put into a very new environment without preparation, forbidden to contact your friends and family and even banned from your own homes, without access to your personal things. That must have been difficult but you exceeded all expectations. Congratulations.”

The two young agents nodded again, not really sure what was expected of them at that point and neither ready to admit they hadn’t suffered as much as they probably should have…

“Since none of you gave up ahead of time, I guess we couldn’t say who won… I mean… I didn’t mean it like that… ahm…” – The director of FBI bit his tongue.

“Sir?” – Tony asked, suddenly suspicious. – “What do you mean by ‘won’?”

“Nothing, DiNozzo, nothing.” – The director of NCIS answered dismissively, but a bit too quickly for the two agents’ liking.

“Was this a competition? Sir?” – Reid guessed, using his skills as a profiler to read the two uncomfortable-looking older men.

“Actually, Doctor Reid, this was… khm… morelikeabet…”

“A bet!?”

“Yes, Agent DiNozzo. We’re the directors of our agencies. We are entitled to place bets if we so wish.”

“A BET.”

“Yes, I believe that’s what I just said.”

“You mean there was no ‘Interagency Teambuilding Exercise’ at all!?” – Reid gasped.

“Gee, Kid. You only now figured this out? Really, I thought you were a profiler.” – Tony snapped, feeling entirely humiliated and annoyed. Never mind he had just understood the situation himself: they’d been played!

Spencer ignored him, having learnt about the other agent’s temper from his teammates and knowing quite well the attitude wasn’t really directed at him.

Director FBI said:

“But there could have been! It’s actually a good idea, isn’t it?”

“Quite frankly if I may, sir. I think you should take your bet and stick it up yo---”

“You don’t really want to finish this sentence, Agent DiNozzo.”

“Why would you bet on something like that though? What’s the point?” – Reid inquired, failing to understand the purpose.

His director fidgeted.

“We were bored.”

“Excuse me?”

“Bored, DiNozzo. Bored. I’m sure you know what it’s like. Every time you are bored something catastrophic happens.”

“With all due respect, sir---”

“This tone of voice is certainly not respect, DiNozzo---”

“--- when I’m bored I only annoy my teammates. Not two agencies.”

“DiNozzo: when you’re bored you annoy the WORLD!”

“But I don’t play around with agents!”

Spencer alternated looking at the two as if watching a tennis match. He hadn’t ever heard anyone talk to a director like that before, though he agreed it was absolutely warranted this time. He tried to imagine how Hotch and Gideon had dealt with a strong-willed man like that for a month and couldn’t wait to hear the stories about it.

“You’re also not the director of an agency, are you, DiNozzo?”

“I think I---”

“I think we should probably go back to our teams. We haven’t seen them in a month and, Agent DiNozzo, I happen to know your friends miss you a lot. So, come on!” – With that, Spencer grabbed the riled up agent’s arm and pulled him to his feet before pushing him out of the room. He had never done anything as daring as that before but things have changed lately. A lot… He had learnt he wasn’t just a ‘kid’ with brains who could be used to read material quickly or to remember everything by heart. No, he was a valuable member of the team and he had a right to participate in everything they did! Even if it was protesting against unfair treatment! So, he encouraged his soon-to-be friend to turn his back on not one but two directors and leave without their permission to do so before things got even more out of hand and they’d do something they would regret later.

Meanwhile, Tony was thinking about how the past month had changed things for him, too. He had learnt how much easier it was to do things as a team; how much it meant if you didn’t have to solve everything alone. What a great feeling it was if you didn’t have to worry about your boss shouting at you or slapping your head all the time and that you could and should spend time with your colleagues outside of work to be able to call them ‘friends’. When teammates respected you and they really listened if you had something to say. Also, what it was like to just be himself and not an image others wanted him to be. Yep, he would try to change. Maybe he should invite Tim over to watch a film sometimes, and take Kate out for dinner… Maybe he should go bowling with Abby and try to talk about some personal matters with Gibbs while he worked on the boat…

Or maybe he could begin right now…

“Hey, Kid? Would you like to share some stories about what my dear teammates did to you? Maybe over a coffee?” – The BAU team had told him enough about the boy to know that he had coffee flowing in his veins.

“Sure thing! Especially if you describe the faces of my teammates when you gave them this attitude!”

The laughing and joking of the two could be heard for a while. Back in the room, the directors looked at each other.

“Well, I didn’t expect this behavior from my agent. Usually, he’s like a scared child and the others have to speak for him.” – Said Director FBI. – “Your agency has had a bad influence on him!” – He accused.

“Excuse me!? My agent behaved much worse, in case you hadn’t noticed! While he certainly never needed anyone to speak for him, I still haven’t experienced him talking to me like that before! His team leader would slap him into next week! So, maybe it was your agency having a bad influence on my agent!”

“Your agent was a rotten apple to begin with, there was nothing that could worsen him! My agent was just a child!”

“Oh, yes, exactly, a child with his wonderful social skills is so much better, isn’t he!?

They both glared at each other for a moment before relaxing.

Then as if on cue, the two started to laugh.

“Well, that was certainly fun.” – Said Director NCIS when he managed to catch his breath again. – “Maybe next time, we should switch team leaders!”

The End