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More Than a Feeling

Summary:

"Top Five Things about baseball," Stiles clears his throat, and prepares to count on his fingers. "One, the uniforms, because damn, okay. Two, like, seriously those uniforms." Derek laughs. And, well... agrees. "Three, how awesome the game actually is. Four, Kevin Kiermaier. Don't even need to reason that one. And five, did I mention the uniforms?"

Derek keeps his smile at bay. "Kiermaier is playing for the opposing team, Stiles."

"Okay, yes, BUT... butt." Stiles winks. Derek rolls his eyes.

Notes:

I was listening to 70s songs when trying to come up with a title and "More Than a Feeling" by Boston came on. I fit way better than anything I was trying to pull out of my brain, and the song is awesome, so...

Anyway, enjoy this fic! Just know that I have never watched a baseball game in my life but I needed a kiss cam. I apologize for any inaccuracies, though I did do my research!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

During baseball season, Stiles and Derek likes to catch a few games at Citi Field Stadium. Derek doesn’t actually really care that much about baseball but his dad used to take him and Laura to games when they were little, so every time he’s at a stadium—hearing the crowd roar, smelling the hotdog cart coming down the aisle, eating thin mints (and maybe some skittles if he could manage to steal Laura’s)—it’s like his dad is sitting right there next to him, cheering and laughing. Stiles has always cheered for the Mets because his dad grew up on the east coast, so going to Citi Field has become their new tradition since moving to New York for college.  

"Okay, I think we're sitting over there," Stiles points in the general directions of their seats. 

They're late to the game because Stiles absolutely had to get snacks. Stiles insists on snacks for everything from the movies to going to the park. After 20 years of friendship, Derek has just accepted that Stiles likes to snack, and usually always keeps some at hand.  

"Dude, Doritos are the bomb!" Stiles says, cramming a handful into his mouth, once they're in their seats. Sometimes, Derek really questions their friendship.  

"Here, I bought you thin mints." Stiles hands them to Derek, and he thinks  sometimes not.   

The first pitch is caught, the game starts, and the crowd changes from chattering and relaxed to excited and loud. Derek loves the atmosphere at baseball games. 

By the third inning, Stiles has eaten all his snacks (and half of Derek's thin mints). After the fourth inning, the hotdog cart comes around, and Stiles buys two. Then asks if Derek wants one. Halfway through the fifth inning, Stiles complains that Derek shouldn't have let him eat so much. It's a typical day at the stadium.  

During the sixth inning, they’re playing Top Five Things, a game Stiles likes to say they invented in pre-school, but Derek thinks that’s ridiculous because it’s not even a game really, it’s just naming things, and it’s been around since humans learned to talk. Anytime Derek brings up that particularly point, Stiles likes to name the Top Five Annoying Things About Derek.  

"Top Five Things about baseball," Stiles clears his throat, and prepares to count on his fingers. "One, the uniforms, because damn, okay. Two, like, seriously those uniforms." Derek laughs. And, well... agrees. "Three, how awesome the game actually is. Four, Kevin Kiermaier. Don't even need to reason that one. And five, did I mention the uniforms?" 

Derek keeps his smile at bay. "Kiermaier is playing for the opposing team, Stiles." 

"Okay, yes, BUT... butt." Stiles winks. Derek rolls his eyes.  

The telltale sound of the kiss cam floats across the stadium, and everyone immediately looks to the jumbotron. An obvious couple gets chosen and everyone cheers as they full on make out. Then the camera cuts to an older couple, and the husband sweetly kisses his wife on the cheek and everyone  awww's  

The next thing he knows, Derek is watching himself on the screen. With Stiles. They're inside the heart together and it takes a moment for Derek's brain to catch up to the fact that they're supposed to kiss. He looks at Stiles and watches as he reaches the same conclusion. Then Stiles laughs.  

"Oh, God, they think we're a couple, Der!" He says, still chuckling. Something about the way he says it, the tone of ridicule, the expression of absurdity, rubs Derek the wrong way. So, he grabs both sides of Stiles' plaid shirt and hauls him closer. Then Derek kisses him. No hesitant touch of lips or a light peck, but full on kisses him like he would kiss a date.  

Stiles opens his mouth in surprise, so Derek sucks his lower lip between his own. He feels tension curl tight in his chest, sparking up and flying out through his arms and legs. Somehow, Derek's hands moves on their own accord, one holding onto Stiles' neck and the other at his back, pulling him closer. He faintly hears clapping and catcalling around him, and he's about to pull back when Stiles' fingers thread through his hair and his lips become more insistent.  

His heart is beating fast. He wants to stop and open his eyes but he can't. In this moment, he feels lost in Stiles. Their lips move against each other like it's their only purpose, their hands exploring and bodies fitting together, like they've done this a million times before. But they haven't. Because they're best friends. Stiles is his best friend.  What the hell are you doing, Hale?  

Derek pulls away abruptly. Stiles looks as dazed and confused as Derek feels.  

It takes Derek a split second to decide to haul ass and run. He faintly hears Stiles calling after him but continues on. He gets to the parking lot before he realizes Stiles drove them here.  Stiles. Fuck.   

He decides to take the subway from Queens to Brooklyn. He doesn't get off at his usual stop, but the one before, and walks the rest of the way home. It gives him time to clear his head with fresh air, so he can think. And he really needs to think.  

Derek might possibly, maybe, somewhat... like Stiles. Or maybe he's just confused because they kissed and he's all full of hormones, or... something.  

Derek first met Stiles when he was 5 and Stiles was 3. The Stilinski's moved in next door, and Stiles moved into Derek's life. He was supposed to be friends with Cora because they're the same age but from the first moment they met, and Derek lent Stiles his favorite toy, Stiles never left Derek's side.  

That was 20 years ago and they've been best friends ever since. Derek never considered there'd be more. It's not like they'd ever seen themselves as brothers—not like Stiles and Scott who met Freshman year of college and became instant brothers from different mothers—no, Derek and Stiles had always been 'Best Friends'.  

Derek had never approved of anyone Stiles had dated, and they always fought more—and hung out less—whenever one of them were in a relationship. Derek had never tried to analyze their friendship before, but now he felt he had to turn over every stone and look behind every curtain. Were his feelings for Stiles hiding away all this time, or were they new?  

Finally back at his apartment, Derek headed straight for his bedroom, closed the curtains, took of his clothes and laid down to fall asleep. He'd deal with all this later.  

*** 

Derek woke up in the evening to 5 missed calls from Stiles. He contemplated calling back but instead he hurriedly pulled on his clothes, washed his face and headed out the door. He'd figure out what to say on the way to Stiles' apartment.  

Scott opened the door when Derek knocked. Derek couldn't read his expression but it wasn't entirely friendly. He guessed Stiles has talked to Scott about what happened.  

"He's been freaking out all day," Scott says. "I don't know what you did or didn't do but he's positive your friendship is over." 

Okay, so Stiles hadn't told him everything. "Is he here?"  

Scott sighs. "Yeah, in his room. I'll go to Kira's." 

The door closes behind him, and Derek is suddenly aware that he now has to talk to Stiles. About what happened.  About them.  

Before he can move his feet, a door opens and then Stiles is rounding the corner. Derek hates it when Stiles is sad. He looks so small and vulnerable, and now he looks like that because of Derek.  

"I'm sorry," is the first thing Derek says. "I'm so sorry, Stiles, I know you hate it when I just leave and avoid you, I shouldn't have done that." He pulls a hand through his hair. "I just felt so... weird about it, okay? Like, we're best friends and I feel like I might've ruined that." 

Stiles looks shocked and still sad. "No! Of course, you haven't ruined our friendship, Derek. Oh, God, I thought I did that!" 

Derek snorts, he can't help it. "Why would you think that? I was the one who kissed you!" 

"Because you meant it as a joke, and then I... I kissed you back, and... I don't know, then you freaked out, and—" 

"Stiles," Derek interrupted. "We're friends, okay, no matter what."  

Stiles looked relieved. This is it. This is where Derek could tell Stiles that he wants more. That they're friends but he wants more, and he hopes Stiles does too.  

Derek inhales shakily. "Look, can we just forget this ever happened?" Stiles' face falls again. Derek continues on, "carry on with our usual, back to being friends. I don't like when things are weird between us." 

Stiles is silent for a moment while Derek beats himself up inside. What the hell kind of word vomit just exited his mouth? 

"Yeah," Stiles says. "Of course, Der. Best friends and all that." 

Stiles' smile doesn't reach his eyes. Derek guesses his doesn't either. He comes forward to hug Stiles, and maybe it's tighter and longer than usual, but it seems Stiles is hugging just as tight, and isn't quite willing to let go either. Derek doesn't know how to react to Stiles' reaction at all. So, he just whispers, "Best friends," and hugs him a little tighter. 

*** 

A week passes by, and while Derek doesn't actively avoid Stiles, he doesn't go out of his way to make plans with him either. They hang out once with their group of friends, and afterward Erica pulls Derek to the side. 

"Okay, what the hell is with you and Stiles?"  

Derek tries for nonchalant. "What do you mean?" 

Erica gives him her best 'bitch-don't-fuck-with-me look. "Cut the bull, Derek. Anyone with eyes can see something is off between you two." 

Derek sighs, and tries to find the words to tell her what's going on. It's harder when he hasn't quite figured that out yet.  

"Something happened at the baseball game last Saturday. We made up the same day but it's... complicated." 

Erica contemplates this for a moment. "Do we need booze for this conversation? " 

This time Derek sighs in relief. "Yes, please."  

Later, at Erica and Boyd's apartment, Derek tells Erica what happened while they do tequila shots.  

"Holy shit, Der. So, what, you're in love with Stiles now?" 

Derek groans. "I need another shot."  

Erica pours them both another. Derek tries to come up with words to describe his feelings as the liquid warms his throat.  

"I... I don't know what the hell I'm feeling. The only thing I know is that every time I think about him, I feel something that's more than platonic. I mean, I've always loved him, but it's like..." 

"Like you want to kiss him and hug him and see his hot naked bod?" Erica finishes, wriggling her eyebrows. 

Derek chuckles. "Yeah, I shouldn't have let you do tequila shots." 

"Hey!" Erica exclaims, then laughs.  

"I need to know what to do, Erica. Things are really awkward and I miss my best friend." 

"Aww," Erica coos. Then she shakes her head, and folds her legs under her, turning to face Derek directly.  

"Okay, so you have the hots for Stiles, or you only just realized it or whatever, that part I get. What I need to know is; how does he feel about you?" 

Derek looks down at his folded hands. He thinks about how Stiles reacted last Saturday. The sadness in his eyes, the disappointment in his voice.  

"I think maybe... he might feel something, too," Derek admits. 

"That's great!"  

There's a pause where Derek doesn't react, stuck thinking about what could be and what's holding it back. 

"Derek? What's wrong?" Erica asks. 

When he finally looks at Erica, it's with tears in his eyes. "I'm afraid." 

"Oh, honey," Erica says, scooting closer to Derek to hug him. Derek lets a few tears fall before he pulls back to wipe at his eyes.  

"For what it's worth," Erica starts. "I think Stiles could really have feelings for you, might even be in love with you. You're a great guy, Derek, and you guys could really have something special as a couple because your friendship is already incredibly special." 

"I know that, okay, and that's why I'm scared." Derek takes a deep breath. "What if it doesn't work out? We're both hotheaded, sarcastic assholes, and if it doesn't work out, our friendship will be ruined."  

Erica laughs. "Oh, my, God, that's such BS!"  

Derek is startled for a moment until Erica goes on.  

"I mean, yeah you can both get pretty mad, and you're both sarcastic but that's your humor and it's what makes you two so great together. You get each other! And you're not as much as an asshole as you like to believe, okay?" 

Erica pours them both another shot as she talks. "Remember last week when you helped Mrs. Bennett with her groceries because the elevator was broken? Our neighbors like you better than us, and you don't even live in this building!" 

She hands Derek his shot, and they down them quickly.  

"Damn, we should've made some lime slices for this shit," Erica says. She turns to Derek again. "As for your friendship with Stiles... it'll never be ruined. What you guys have, it's bigger than a potentially failed relationship. You're soulmates—whether you bang or not." 

Derek sits back for a moment to take it all in. "You should really be a motivational speaker." 

Erica shrugs. "I know." 

Then it hits Derek. "Wow. I've gotta decide what to do about this." 

Erica snorts. "Well, of course you do. But not tonight!" 

She pours two more shots. "Tonight, we drink tequila shots while we watch Real Housewives, cheers." Erica clinks her glass to Derek's. "Then we pass the fuck out, and hopefully Boyd will cook us hangover breakfast when he comes home from his shift." 

"Sounds magical," Derek says.  

*** 

It takes another two days for Derek to come to terms with the fact that he's in love with Stiles. It's just a usual Monday morning but Derek keeps thinking how much better his dull routine with be with Stiles.  

He'd wake up next to Stiles, or even better—tangled up in Stiles. Derek would make breakfast because Stiles is a terrible cook and they'd eat together, making easy conversation with light banter. Stiles would clean up while Derek takes his shower because Stiles showers in the evening. Then they'd bicker about Stiles throwing his clothes everywhere or Derek fogging up the bathroom so Stiles can't see himself in the mirror when he does his hair. They'd always make up before they leave for the day though, Derek kissing Stiles chastely before he runs out the door. 

Derek has always been a very private person—something he's struggled with in past relationships. He's never moved in with anyone, never had a roommate. Lived in a single dorm in college. Despite all this, the thought of living with Stiles seems so... natural.  

By the time Derek is ready to take his lunch break, he realizes he hasn't actually gotten much work done all day. So, he takes a half day, and goes to the park, thinking he's better off making up the work another time when he can actually focus for one minute without thinking of Stiles.  

He spends an hour at the park, then goes to the library. There's nothing better than finding a good book to read in one of the reading nooks. There's soft indie music playing, and Derek allows himself to be absorbed in another reality for a few hours.  

He stops by his favorite Thai place on the way home. When he gets to his apartment, he finds Stiles waiting outside. He instantly feels a knot tighten in his stomach. And his heart.  

Stiles gets up from the floor. "Hi." 

"Hey," Derek says. He waits a beat, then moves to unlock and open his door. Stiles follows him inside.  

Derek doesn't know what to say, so he just goes to the kitchen and start unloading the Thai food.  

"That from New Asian Grill?" Stiles asks from behind Derek. 

"Yeah. I got Pad Thai too, if you..." Derek looks sideways at Stiles. "I mean, you don't have to... just, there's enough if, if you decide..." 

"Thanks," Stiles says, a small smile on his lips. A moment later it turns sad, and Derek has to look away.  

"I think we need to talk," Stiles says.  

Derek freezes.  This is it,  he thinks.  

"Can we sit down?" Stiles asks, and doesn't wait for Derek's answer before he flops down on the spot that Derek has come to think of as Stiles'. It makes him ache. 

Derek hovers for a moment, trying to decide whether to sit in his own spot next to Stiles or a safe distance away in the chair. He catches Stiles looking at his expectantly, then casting a quick glance to the spot next to him. So that's where Derek sits down.  

The silence is awkward but Derek doesn't know how to break it—doesn't know what to say. Thankfully, Stiles clears his throat it does it for him.  

"So..." Stiles says. Derek looks at him for a second before averting his eyes again. Stiles lets out a dramatic sigh. "Okay, that's it! I know you're feeling awkward about this whole thing, and I gave you your space, but this is really not my fault okay, I was doing fine with just being friends with you, and then you..." 

Stiles groans and runs both hands though his hair in clear frustration. Derek is staring open-mouthed at him.  

"Okay, I'm not saying it's your fault either but you gotta realize that wasn't cool," Stiles says, looking at Derek pleadingly. Derek's head is spinning, and Stiles... Stiles is still talking. 

"I mean, you know how I feel, and you've been really great about it, honestly, but that kinda crossed a line," he says. "Don't you think?" 

Derek opens and closes his mouth a few times before he finally stutters out, "I didn't, I don't, I... what?" 

"Come on, Derek, be serious." 

"I actually don't know what you're talking about," Derek says. He's trying to put the pieces together but it's like it doesn't fit.  

"Either you don't know, and you're incredibly dense, or you do know, and you're messing with me, in which case I'm about to become really angry." 

"What is it that I'm supposed to know?" Derek asks. He's trying not to be pissed off because he knows Stiles insults people when he's frustrated, and he doesn't want to turn this into a fight.  

Stiles looks down at his lap, wringing his fingers together. "My feelings for you." 

Derek swallows. "Feelings?" 

Derek feels his heartbeat speed up as Stiles slowly looks up at him. His eyes are full of vulnerability.  

"I'm in love with you, Der," he says, quietly. Even quieter he says, "I thought you knew." 

Derek doesn't know how to react. He tries to think but it's so hard when everything suddenly changed in this one moment. Stiles looks so vulnerable and open, waiting for Derek to respond.  

"I... I didn't know."  

Stiles immediately looks heartbroken, and Derek realizes how that sounded. 

"But," Derek says, taking Stiles' hands into his own. "I'm in love with you, too." 

Stiles' shocked expression quickly turns to one of pure happiness, and Derek feels his heart beat uncontrollably.  

"I... really?" Stiles asks, his excitement mixed with uncertainty.  

Instead of reassuring him with words, Derek leans in and kisses him softly. Stiles chases Derek's mouth as he pulls away, making him chuckle.  

Derek places his right hand on Stiles' cheek, fingers ghosting his brown hair. "So, you and me." 

Stiles wraps his long fingers around Derek's forearm, and squeezes gently. "Me and you." 

They smile softly at each other for a moment until Derek moves his hand down Stiles' neck to rest against his collarbone. 

"You know Erica's going to be so smug about this," Derek says.  

Stiles snorts. "She's not gonna compare to Lydia." 

Derek groans. "They're all going to be insufferable, aren't they?" 

"Pretty sure they've had a bet going for years." 

Derek laughs. "Remember that time Erica bet Isaac that he couldn't finish a whole bottle of vodka on his own in ten minutes, and he ended up puking on a police car?" 

"Remember?! I've still got the video on my phone!" 

"He was so pissed the next morning," Derek says.  

"Oh God, remember why Erica made the bet in the first place? She wanted to—" 

"—make a move on Boyd!" Derek finishes. Isaac had been oblivious to his third wheel status on their hangouts when they first met Boyd, so Erica had to take drastic measures into her hands.  

It makes Derek realize something. "You know, it's kind of obvious now why our friends would want us to get together." 

Stiles raises his eyebrows in question.  

"I mean, Scott and Allison were together then, and Lydia was going out with what's-his-face. The only single people besides Erica and Boyd were us and Isaac." 

Stiles shrugs. "I guess." 

"Yeah, but don't you see?" Derek shifts in his seat, turning more toward Stiles. "Isaac was still a third wheel to Erica and Boyd." 

"Oh," Stiles says. Then, "Oh!" When he really gets it.  

"Yeah," Derek says, grinning because he can't help it.  

"It's funny because I only saw you as a friend then." 

Derek's smile turns soft, and he looks down. He plays with Stiles' fingers, preparing himself to ask. 

"So, um, how did you.... When did you...." 

Stiles waits a moment. "I'm sorry can you repeat the question?" 

Derek sighs. Then looks up. "When did you know?" 

Stiles tilts his head slightly to the side, and smiles. "Know that I was in love with you?" 

Derek nods.  

Stiles inhales like he’s preparing to tell a long story, so Derek lets go of his hands, because Stiles tends to tell stories with his whole body. 

“Okay, so remember your surprise birthday party last year?” 

Derek nods and smiles, thinking about one of the best birthdays he’s ever had. His family and friends all surprised him at home with lunch and weird, awesome birthday games. Then they headed to the park to play rounders and everyone had a great time. They finished the day with dinner at his and Stiles’ favorite restaurant, which is actually more of a diner, so it wasn’t fancy or anything—just perfect for a bunch of loud, slightly dirty and sweaty people.  

“I planned the whole thing with some help from Lydia and Boyd for decorations and food, and it took so much work, but I remember thinking I would do the whole thing a thousand more times just to see you that happy. 

“And I hadn’t actually planned beyond the dinner but when we were saying goodbye to everyone, I noticed you looking at the stars and thought how great it would be to drive outside the city and see the constellations. 

“When you were looking at the stars, I was looking at you, and it was like I was seeing you for the first time. And when you looked at me and smiled and said it was the best birthday you’d ever had... I just fell in love right there.” 

“Stiles,” Derek said, in awe.  

Stiles shook his head, looking down. “Anyway, I thought maybe you’d realized. I felt like I couldn’t hide it at all this past year, especially right after your birthday.” 

Derek wanted to go back and shake himself for being so oblivious. 

“I really didn’t know. I'm sorry.” 

“Hey, no, you’ve got nothing to be sorry about. I should’ve just told you. Instead of making up things in my head and presuming you were politely ignoring my obvious dumb feelings.” 

“They’re not dumb,” Derek said, kissing Stiles chastely.  

“No, I guess not,” Stiles said, smiling at Derek.  

Derek smiled back, kissed his best friend again, and hoped he would be able to kiss him for the rest of their lives.  

*** 

Stiles and Derek were right. Their friends were insufferable when they finally told them. Or more like Lydia and Erica cornered them a week later and forced the truth out of them. 

Turns out Boyd won the bet.  

A year and a half later, Stiles and Derek appeared on the jumbotron again, except this time Derek was on one knee.  

Boyd won that bet, too.  

Notes:

Hope you enjoyed the story!

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