Chapter Text
It was 3am but he couldn’t sleep. His phone glared at him, mocking him. Hundreds of thousands of comments saying how chubby he got under his most recent selca. Tears tickled down his pale skin. He couldn’t deny it, anyone could tell he put on weight. He just hated how he lost control. One thing led to another and was binging most nights, stress was getting to him. He was never much of an eater but as they grew more popular, more pressure was put on him and soon food became something that would comfort him.
He threw his phone away. He couldn’t bare to see those comments anymore. He curled into a ball and tucked his head into his knees. Tears streamed down his face. He was a failure to everyone. His stomach growled in hunger. He hadn’t eaten all day or even the day before. The last time he ate was 3 days ago but even then hee only had a small apple which he was forced to have.
Just ignore it Yoongi, you don’t deserve food. Who would like a fat pig anyways. Cruel thoughts mocked him. Exhaustion eventually got the better of him and fell asleep.
All the members except for Yoongi gathered around for lunch. Jin had prepared them a large lunch for before they head out for a trip. The managers had let them have a rest today since they’ve all worked so hard. “Where’s Yoongi hyung at? He didn’t even come at breakfast” Jimin stated.
“He’s probably still sleeping” Jungkook heard him crying last night so he knew he didn’t get much sleep. But he wasn’t quite sure why, he would make sure to check up on him to see if he was alright. “I’ll go see him”
The others nodded and sat down in there places and began to fill their plates with any previous worry gone.
“Yoongi hyung..?” His face fell when he opened the door and saw the other curled in his bed. His eyes were swollen and red with tear tracks down his face. It was obvious he had been crying again. He gently sat next to him and rest his hand on Yoongi’s shoulder. You could faintly hear him still crying, but nowhere near as bad before.
“Hyung.. What’s wrong?”
There was a moment of silence. He tried asking again.
Yoongi’s mind was racing. He couldn’t tell him why. He didn’t want the younger to know how pathetic he is but he knew he wouldn’t leave without an answer.
“Holly.. I miss holly” he chocked on a sob. Technically it was true, he did miss Holly but it wasn’t why he was crying. Fortunately in his case Jungkook didn’t ask any further questions. Jungkook sat the smaller up and held him in a comforting hug. Even though he did gain some weight and was much healthier, he was still significantly small. Jungkook rubbed circles into his back to try calm him down. It broke his heart seeing the elder like this.
After a few minutes he had calmed down a bit. He loved it when the members comforted him, he hasn’t admitted that yet but the members secretly knew. He just didn’t felt deserving of their love and affection, that he was a burden to the group. His thoughts were put to a halt when they heard Hoseok yelling for them to hurry up from the hallway.
Jungkook gently held either side of his shoulders and separated eachtother to view him better.
“C’mon, lets get yourself cleared up and changed before we head down for lunch. We’re planning to go to the beach straight after” And with that Jungkook pulled him up carefully to his feet.
Yoongi slowly made his way to the bathroom and rinsed his face with cold water. Fuck he thought. He didn’t like the sound of having lunch or the other members seeing him like this. Not to mention going to the beach. The others always make him go in the water and brings lots of snacks and ice cream to eat. They weren’t intentionally doing this to Yoongi but couldn’t help but frown. He dried his face, looking slightly better than before.
He headed out to be greeted by Jungkook with clothes picked out for him. He took them from his hands and stood there awkwardly. He didn’t want Jungkook see how fat he’s gotten even though it was still noticeable. He just hoped he would take the hint and leave.
Eventually he left and that he said that they would be down eating. Right.. eating, the last thing he wanted to do.
He grimaced at the shorts and t-shirt picked out for him. Recently he would prefer wearing something more baggy like an oversized hoodie and sweatpants to hide himself but as if anyone would wear that to the beach. Regardless he shoved them on but he couldn’t help but noticed how fat his stomach was. All the others had flat stomachs with abs and then there was him, yet again a disappointment to the group.
Jungkook sat down and started to tuck in but was interrupted.
“So.. Is he coming? You were gone for a while.” Namjoon worriedly asked.
“Yeah he’s just getting changed..“ He wasn’t sure if he should bring up that he was crying.
“Ah okay” the members started to ease.
“B-but.. when I went in he was crying.. I tried asking what’s up but he said that he just missed Holly. I’m not sure its entirely true since he saw her not that long ago and he never cried about Holly in the past either. But I didn’t wanna push him in case he wasn’t comfortable in telling us just yet” he glanced down at his lap with sad eyes. He hated seeing him like this.
“I’ll keep an eye on him, in fact we all should. Just make sure he’s okay since we all know what he can be like” They all knew too well that Yoongi tended to bottle up all his emotions, he hated when the others pitied him.
The conversation was cut short when Yoongi entered the room. They all just greeted and he sat down.
He could feel all eyes were on him, like he had done something. He could feel the tension in the air. Maybe he did do something, that he was going to eat again when he clearly ate enough already. That he should simply starve without them but they simply invited him to be polite. He glanced down the food on his food. His eyes widened at how much there was. The pile of kimchi-bokkeum-bap stared at him. Who knew how many calories was in this 500.. 600.. maybe even more. There was no way he could eat this.
“Yoongi.. you going eat?” He weakly hummed as a yes and grabbed his chopsticks.
You can’t eat this. Just think about how fat you are. You’ll never be loved again, forgotten and discarded. Nobody likes a pig anyways and certainly not you!
He tried to ignore his thoughts. They were still staring at him. He ate a small mouthful in hopes of them continuing to go back to there own meals.
Just chew really slowly and only eat a few spoonful’s. Once they gone you can bin the rest. Don’t want to get any fatter, right?
He grabbed a glass of water and slowly sipped on it and fiddled with his food. Just don’t eat much and you’ll be fine. The others didn’t notice Yoongi as they were lost a conversation. Good, I didn’t want their attention on me anyways. The members were finishing up and cleared their space. They thanked their hyung for the delicious meal and left. Soon they all left and was only just Yoongi still there. He got up and scraped the rest in bin. He only had 2 bites.. not much harm.. right?
All the members came bounding back in ready to leave. They were pleased to see him also finished and could finally go the beach. Everything was already packed in the car and ready to leave. Taehyung grabbed his hand and softly pulled him so that they can go get their sandals on.
Just stay away from food and there won’t be any problems.
Or only he could hope..