Chapter Text
Peter Parker was not having a good day.
In fact, if he could rate his day, his day would probably fall in between getting bitten by a radioactive spider and realizing that his life was a mess that he had to eventually clean up. It fell directly into those two categories. Mainly because that's what he felt like these day- a huge cluster fuck of a mess who just wanted to sit the fuck down and drink some goddamn milk. Just once! He would like! To have! A normal! Fucking Day!
But no, no. That was too much to ask anyone for.
And that's how he ended up in this situation. Because he wanted to have a normal day.
‘Sorry Mr.Stark! I can’t come to work tomorrow,’ Peter mimicked himself in his thoughts as he looked at the floor, ‘My class has a field trip and I really wanna go!’
Did it matter that Peter didn’t know where the field trip was at the time? No! It hadn’t! All that had mattered was that he go and have a good time and be chummy with Ned and MJ, and prove that he was just a normal chummy kind of guy. Nothing weird or super about him, no siree. But unfortunately for Peter, he couldn’t catch a break. Ever.
And that’s how he found himself staring at the floor of the lobby of Stark Industries with his class waiting to be picked up by a tour guide- something that Peter was regretting. Because he knew who the tour guide would be. He dreaded who the tour guide would be. The tour guide would come in the form of an adorable 5’8 southern kid with shaggy dirty blond hair and an evil glint in his eyes and an apparent love for making Peter Parker suffer.
The tour guide would come in the form of one Harley Keener.
How did he know this?
Well despite only being fifteen Harley was at MIT- he wanted to skip the whole, high school thing, something Peter was not jealous of but was also totally jealous of because something about life experience or something- and therefore had more free time on his hands. Free time to what? Free time to concox embarrassing plots to mortify peter in front of all his friends.
Such as being! The! Tour! Guide!
Which was going to be absolutely miserable. He could feel it in his gut. This was going to be a terrible, awful, no good, very bad field trip.
“Well guys,” Mr. Harrington grinned at the group, “Who’s excited?”
The class shifted awkwardly, no one really saying anything, And Mr. Harrington sighed, “Yeah that's what I thought. Either way, you guys remember that when your up there you’ll be under supervision by the guide only?”
Everyone muttered to themselves lazily, and Ned shot a look at Peter, “Do you think…?
“Yes.”
“Wait really?”
“Yeah.”
“What are you on about Parker,” Flash called from the other side of the group, “Talking about how you’re about to get busted for lying about the Stark internship?”
“No, no,” Peter shook his head, “I’m dreading something much worse.”
“Dude, common,” Ned rolled his eyes at his friend, “Harley’s not that bad.”
“He’s the devil!”
MJ looked up from her book with a raised brow, “Who’s Harley?”
“Howdy, y’all,” A voice called from the front of the group, “I’ll be your guide today!”
Peter slunk behind Ned, “So it begins.”
“My names Harley,” he grinned at the group, winking at Ned, and taking note of Peter cowering behind him, “And I’m Tony Stark’s personal intern, but due to the fact that the other personal intern decided to ditch work in favor for school, I’ve been dragged all the way up here from my comfy little life at MIT to give you good folks a tour!”
He called out loud, “So everyone if you could please form a line so I can give you your ID’s because we here at Stark industries,” He made a mocking voice, “Value safety above all else- if you can believe that.”
Everyone blinked at the force of pure evil that was Harley, but compiled. Peter stayed hidden and safe behind Ned, as the line shuffled forward.
“Thompson, Eugene,” Harley read out, “Wowie, you didn’t tell me his name was Eugene, Petey babe.”
The line froze and Peter groaned, poking his head out from behind Ned, “I didn’t tell you anything, Harley!”
“You told me everything,” Harley grinned, “You can be very talkative on thirty minutes of sleep.”
Peter groaned again, hiding his face in Ned’s back as the class processed what just happened, and Harley happily continued to call out names.
Before he got to Ned though, he cleared his throat, “Now you’ll notice that you all have green passes- those passes are for visitors only. If you somehow get separated from the tour, please locate someone with an Orange pass- those are security. If someone has a purple pass, they’re a worker, and you shouldn’t bother them. Of course a select few have red and gold passes- cheesy I know, but hey, the old man is getting old, he doesn’t have that much creativity left- and those guys are like me, all access. Understood?”
The classes nodded, and Harley smiled, getting out a red and gold pass, “Nedward, my dear?”
“Yo wait,” Ned’s eyes were wide, “I have an all access pass?”
“Courtesy of me,” Harley rolled his eyes, “And a gift from Tony himself.”
“For?”
Harley’s Cheshire grin widened, “Okay so I might have lied, and I might have granted you an all access pass on a whim of ‘two hours of sleep in three days and and more coffee than is legally aloud’, but hey, what's important here,” He winked at Ned, and then at Peter , “Is that you have a pass to get through the building.”
Peter shuffled forward, as Ned moved to the other side, observing the pass. Peter stood there, as Harley looked at him expectantly, “Hey Harley.”
“Petey babe,” Harley tsked, “Where’s your badge?”
“I didn’t bring it..”
“You didn’t- you didn’t bring it?” That glint of pure chaos was back in his eye, “Oh Petey, that’s too bad…”
“Harley-”
“I’ll have to issue you a new one.”
“Oh god no-”
“Ooooh, French Fri!” Harley brought out his phone, contacting the AI, “Will you please enact ‘bitch boy’ protocol and get ready to enforce it if need be?”
Peter sighed, “God dammit Harley.”
“You’re the dumb ass that agreed to this Peter.”
Peter stared at him. Harley stared back. The class watched on in confusion, “Do I have to?”
“We made a pact, Petey babe,” Harley’s grin must have hurt it was so wide, “And unless you want me to tell Tony about the time with the Spider-suit prototype and the jello then, yes, yes you do.”
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck Harley Keener.
Peter took a deep breath, “I, Peter Parker, Am a little bitch boy. Just a tiny bitch boy. The bitchiest of all boys, and the worst of all. I forgot my badge, which will make Happy very very mad, and that’s why I’m the bitchiest of all bitch boys.”
“Thank you,” Harley nodded, producing a badge out of mid air, “And that is why, my dear Petey, you never steal my goddamn popcorn.”
“Oh my god,” Peter ran a hand across his face, “Are you trying to fucking tell me that because I ate the last bag of popcorn you skipped class at MIT to come be the tour guide on my field trip to SI, knowing I would forget my badge and enforce something we agreed on when we were both running on like, twenty minutes of sleep?”
Harley blinked innocently, “Why Petey, I would never!”
“You’re an asshole, Keener.”
Harley just winked, “Same to you, Parker, same to you.”
Peter shuffled over to his other classmates, groaning under their wide eyes. This was going to take a lot to explain. And it wasn’t necessarily like he hadn’t told them about the Stark internship. He just hadn’t told them about Harley fucking Keener.
Because really, how could he tell anyone about Harley Keener?
Harley Keener was like a masterpiece set to AC/DC. Like a Van Gogh painting that was burnt at the edges from thieves. Like classical music being performed by a punk rock band. Harley Keener was Harley Keener, and he was awful and horrible and no good and absolutely perfect.
Harley Keener was the devil with a smile and good attitude, and it sucked, but the real reason why Peter was so mortified by this was because he was Peter’s crush now harassing him in front of everyone he knew. Including the AcaDeca team. The only people on earth who knew Peter’s true type to be pretty people with a sharp tongue and clever eyes. Meaning that he would never hear the end of this.
Harley cleared his throat, gaining the attention of everyone who’s eyes were staring holes into Peter’s head, “Alright y’all, time for the official tour now that you’ve all gotten your passes. So if you please follow me to the elevators, we’re going to start at the bottom and make our way to the top.”
That shit eating grin never left his face.
Harley led them to the 5th floor, exiting the elevator first, “This is the first stop on our tour which will end at floor fifty, and this one we won’t be spending a lot of time in due to the nature of its contents- yes, Mr. Thompson?”
“Um,” Flash put his hand down awkwardly, “I thought we were going to the top.”
Harley smiled at flash, and winked, “Clever one aren’t you, Lightning bug?”
Flash blushed at the nickname, and Harley grinned deeper, sending Peter a look (™) and Peter was dreading what came next (and was also feeling a little bit of hatred for the nickname Flash had been given), “The top ten floors of the tower are living spaces. Each Avenger gets their own floor, and the top three are for Tony and Tony’s family. Though I’m sure y’all already know all of this- considering Peter has a room.”
“Um,” Peter squealed as his class turned to stare at him with wide eyes, “I don’t really use that room? My apartment isn’t that far away.”
“Yeah I know, I know,” Harley’s grinned was back at that cheshire stage, “Personally I think you just don’t like to admit that you’re practically family.”
Peter rolled his eyes, “If I’m practically family, you are his family then.”
“Well he did break into my garage… I’m pretty sure he just found you on the streets looking like a kicked puppy and forced you to make Spider-Man’s stuff.”
Oh fuck, Harley Keener.
Cindy turned to him with wide eyes, “So you make Spider-Man’s stuff?”
“Harley… uh… Harley helps?”
He put his head down, feeling his ears go red from the sudden attention on him. Harley, the little devil, gave him some mercy, “Anyway, this is floor fifty- this floor is purposed for R&D’s labrotores, and because we don’t want any Oscorp spies, let's make this a quick trip through the labs, shall we?”
He led them through the labs on the floor, waving to the people in them who all smiled at him and waved before smiling at Peter, “So these labs are unlike the labs we’ll visit later today, and are for the research and design department- if you look on your left you’ll see our team of specialists working on new designs for the new stark industries prosthetic's which will include, leg, arm, and hand prosthetic's. We’re also working on new hearing aids and other ways to help those who are hard of hearing.”
“And on your right,” Harley motioned to the other lab, “You’ll see a lab more dedicated to the development of technologies. We’re making more Stark phones, updating policies, and trying to make technology as a whole better.”
He led the class through the stairs, “Here on the sixth floor is developmental energy research. Anyone have any questions?”
Several hands raised, and Harley pointed at Abe, “Stark industries is producing prosthetics?”
“Oh yeah,” Harley motioned with his hands, “We’ve been working on making affordable prosthetics that are high quality for awhile now.”
“That’s… cool.”
“And you’re also making Hearing aids?” MJ raised a brow, “All of these things are products SI’s never put out before, right?”
“Yeah,” Harley nodded along with her words, before gesturing to himself, “Tony found out how much hearing aids costed me and got pissed so he wanted to find a way to make them cheaper for the public while still producing high quality results. Last year when Rhodey- er, Colonel Rhodes- lost mobility, Tony started drafting ways to have him be able to walk. Right now we’re focusing on how to make the technology accessible to the public without cutting corners.”
MJ nodded, satisfied with his answer and Harley motioned for them to follow him through the building back to the elevators, “The next stop on our tour is going to be the PR department.”
Harley was playing at something. Peter didn’t know what he was playing at, but he was playing at something. He could tell.
He just hoped it wasn’t too embarrassing.
“And this brings us to the second to last stop,” Harley’s grin was wide and evil as Peter realized what room they were going into, “Welcome to the real lab.”
The doors opened with a woosh, and they all shuffled into a cozy looking space that had stuff thrown all about it. Peter immediately went over to his desk, moving all of the pictures he had of the AcaDeca team off the desk and praying to god no one saw it.
But Harley did, “Awww, Petey babe, embarrassed that you have photos of your beloved nerd team on your desk?”
“Shut up!” He made a strangles noise as the class looked at him, “I do not!”
“Hold on,” Flash shot him a raised eyebrow, “Please don't tell me you have pictures of me on your desk like some stalker.”
Peter wanted to bash his head in. This was it. This was how he died.
Because a moment later, Harley, who had been flirting with flash this entire time let out a chuckle, “How do you think I knew about you? Or the Nerd squad? Literally y’all are his excuse when he doesn’t wanna come into work!”
“Harley!”
“He has such high opinions of everyone in this room,” Harley continued, stepping away from Peter as the boy considered lunging at him, “He’s even told Spider-Man about how awesome you guys are!”
“I’ll shoot you!”
“Can’t,” Harley short him a grin, “I took those prototype webs out of here to show Tony last night!”
“You little-“
Flash looked pale, “This is Peter’s personal lab?”
“Oh yeah,” Harley nodded, “Or at least the one we share. I have my own lab downstairs for testing prototypes but this is concept, engineering, and design.”
“So what’s his job exactly?”
“I’m a personal intern,” He shot Harley a silencing glare, “For Mr. Stark, meaning that I design products for those who Mr. Stark is mentoring-“
“Pfft,” Harley laughed, “You make it sound so lame. The old man think of you as a kid dude-“
“You’re more his kid than I am!”
“Well yeah,” Harley rolled his eyes at him, “I’ve known him longer, but you’re the protege he gets to see all the time.”
“Yeah but you’re already going to his alma mater.”
“And you’re the one helping out Spider-Man on a weekly bases.”
“Yeah but-“
Flash held up a hand, “So wait, Peter works with Spider-Man?”
“Honestly those two,” Harley grinned at him and Peter felt his gut sink, “Are practically dating.”
Silence.
Ned and Harley exchanged a look. Peter and Ned exchanged a look. Harley grinned at Peter’s glare.
Chaos erupted.
“You’re dating Spider-Man-“
“Spidey would never go for a guy like-“
“That’s a lie! That’s has to be a-“
“Spider-Man is a bicon-“
“All right everyone!” Harley boomed over the chaos, holding back snickers, “If you could please follow me!”
He headed the crowd of gossiping teenagers back into the hallways that held the elevators, “We have one more stop on the tour before we can-“
“Red alert,” Friday's voice was loud and booming, “Red Alert. This is not a drill. The upper west side has been breached. Please reach your nearest safe zone immediately.”
The crowd quieted, and Harley cursed loudly, before turning to the group, “Okay guys! We need to get back into that lab-“
“Harley,” Friday’s voice was still loud on the speaker coms, “They’re two floors above you and going down fast. They seem to be looking for something. Do not engage. Get to the safe zone immediately.”
“Fuck, fuck, okay,” Harley pointed at Peter, “Peter, get everyone to the safety zone-“
“Harley, whatever you’re thinking, don’t!” Peter knew that look on his face.
“Just get everyone to the safe zone right now. I’m gonna work on the lock.”
“What?”
“Tony’s a dumbass,” Harley shouted across the chaos as Peter coraled his classmates and teacher into the safest corner of the lab, “He took off the lock that one time when he caught me blowing shit up without his permission just- get everyone into the panic room!”
Peter shoved through the group of teens, cursing under his breath, “Fuck, fuck, this isn’t good.”
He unlocked the lever on the floor, holding it open, “Everyone get inside- Ned!”
“What can I do to help?” Ned’s voice was panicked, but Peter shook his head, “The code to get out is my birthday- don’t come out until Friday tells you too-“
The sounds of bullets going through glass had everyone screaming, and Peter stood up, taking in the scene before him. Four masked men. Harley on the floor. Blood pooling. No visible bullet wound but he was clearly injured. One of the men bent down, grabbing Harley by the neck, “This the kid?”
The guy holding a now struggling Harley grabbed his ID, “This is the kid.”
Peter shoved Flash and Ned through the door to the panic room, slamming it shut, “Hey assholes!”
“Who the fuck is that kid?” The guy who looked to be the leader looked at the two others, “Whatever I don’t give a fuck- shoot him.”
He spun back behind a desk as the bullets flew, and he was so grateful for the bullet proof desk. He stood again, running towards them- until the guy holding Harley placed a gun to the side of his head, “Come any closer and we blow him to bits.”
“Don’t listen to him,” Harley shouted, “I’m fine! Get in the panic room!”
“Well guys,” Peter put his hands up, thinking of how to pacify these guys without getting Harley hurt, and in a smooth motion he lunged for the freeze ray, and in the same breath shot at two of the guys, “You should really chill out!”
“Holy fucking shit,” The guy not holding Harley screamed, “He just fucking murdered Dan and Blake!”
Harley scoffed, “That's right you sorry son of a bitch, let me go or he’ll ice y’all too.”
The truth of the matter that the freeze ray was non lethal. Originally designed by a Shield science team under the name ‘Fitzsimmons’, and recreated to freeze but not kill under the badass SI interns under the name ‘Parkner.’ Or at least that’s what Friday had taken to calling them.
They would eventually thaw but… the other’s didn’t have to know that.
“Like fucking hell he will,” The guy holding Harley moved so he had him in a headlock, making Harley a human shield, “Not if he doesn’t want you to get iced with me! I need this fucking money!”
And Peter didn’t want that. Mainly because while icing didn’t kill it did hurt like a bitch- and they weren’t exactly sure how to work out how to make it not knock off a few fingers. And Peter liked Harley’s hands just the way they were. So Peter did the next most logical thing. He pointed the gun at the other guy, “Dude, let Harley go, or your friend becomes the next Capsicle.”
“Please don't ice me,” The guy was begging, and Peter almost felt bad for him. Then he remembered they were here to kidnap his friend, “I swear to god we weren’t going to do this and then-“
“Shut up Mark!” The guy holding Harley growled.
Mark kept talking, “I don’t even like Nazis- they just hired us and we needed the money and please don’t kill me, my daughters sick, and that’s why we need the money-“
“Nazis hired you?”
“Mark!” The guy growled again, grip on Harley tightening making the boy let out a yelp, much to Peter’s worry, “Shut up! Right now!”
“Give it up, Dave,” Mark pulled off his mask, “Kid, we accepted a deal with Hydra, to get some money and shit to help our respective issues- there request was to get a kid- Keener, Harley Keener- I didn’t want to I swear to god I don't mess with kids but my daughter she's sick and I don't fucking like nazi’s please just let me live- or something-”
“You fucking idiot!” Dave screached, “Now they’re going to have to fucking kill us! You ratted! You fucking dumbass!”
Harley gasped out a breath, “Shouldn’t have worked with fucking Nazi’s!”
“Shut up,” Dave growled, pressing the gun harder into Harley’s head, “I don’t wanna fucking die like that!”
“Put down the gun,” Peter told him, trying to sound authoritative, eye’s never leaving where the gun met Harley’s skull, “And we can get you protection.”
“There is no protection!” The guy was screaming, and even with the mask Peter knew he was losing it. He needed to get Harley out of there, now, “Not from them! They’ll get the kid! They’ll get me! They’ll get everyone!”
Peter could almost see the thought process in the guys head. It was in his eyes, the next moves. But Peter didn’t know how to stop him. Peter didn’t know how to do anything, he was frozen in fear and shock and pure panic as Dave shot the window out and took a run. He seemingly didn’t even notice that Harley was still under his arm, dragging and being choked. But Peter did, and so did Harley.
Harley was always faster than Peter in reaction, so he ducked hard, pushing himself away from his assailant. But objects in motion stay in motion, and as Dave plumented through a window, Harley stumbled to a stop, his converse squeaking across the floor as the bottom half of his body slid out the window, “Peter!”
Peter didn’t panic this time, as he lunged for Harley grabbing his arms and pulling him towards him, “I got you!”
Harley shook like a leaf in his grasp and it was only then he realized how scared Harley must have been. Peter was faced with situations like this every day, but Harley- despite technically having the Iron Rescue armor- wasn’t ever in field combat. Peter held him tighter, “I got you, Harley, I got you.”
“Fuck,” Harley let off a breath, burying his face in Peter’s chest, “This is not how I wanted this to go, fuck…”
“I know,” Peter shushed him, eyes checking over him as he pulled away slightly, “Are you okay?”
“No,” Harley let out a humorless laugh, “The glass spray earlier hit my back. I was just threatened. And Hydra wants me.”
“Why does Hydra want you?” Peter muttered.
“Um,” the Mark assialgent held his hands up, “We weren’t given much but I promise I’ll say what I know.”
Harley lifted his head up, glare on his face and voice sharp and chipped, “You do not get to talk. Not right now. Tony will talk to you.”
“Understandable,” he stood there awkwardly.
“Fri,” Harley was still looking upset as he looked towards the ceiling, “Where’s Tony?”
“His ETA is four minutes,” Her voice held a calming quality that peter very much needed right now, “Paramedics will be here in twenty, Harley. Do you wish me to alert Ned that it’s safe now?”
Peter shuffled Harley and him a little further away from the blasted open window, “Yeah. Yeah. you think you can stand?”
“Hold on,” Harley hissed pulling back from Peter a little more, “My back is killing me, dude, there’s no way I’m gonna be able to stand without support.”
Peter nodded, “Okay. Alright. We’re just gonna lie here for a bit until Tony gets here.
The soft hiss of the panic room door let out and Ned clambered over, eyes wide, “Harley! Oh my god, are you okay?”
“Has 911 been called?” MJ rushed over, before stopping and blinking at the full scene, “Are those two guys frozen?”
“Yeah,” Harley clenched his eyes, and Peter could tell that the adrenaline from being thrown out a window was wearing off, and all that was left in its place was pain from his back, “They needed to let it go.”
Peter huffed, brow furrowing, “You were literally almost thrown out a window, and you’re making Frozen puns?”
“Better than saying they need to chill out.”
“Wait a second,” Flash pointed at the two guys with concerned eyes, “Parker did that?”
Peter flushed, “Um…”
“To be fair,” Harley coughed loudly, trying and failing to sit up, only to buckle and have Peter catch him, “They had a gun to my head and were threatening to shoot him.”
“Yeah,” Peter nodded at Harley’s words, helping to guide him up, “I didn’t really have a choice.”
Tony stormed into the room, mask down with a look of pure rage on his face. The room was buzzing but went silent at the look on Iron Man’s face. The assailant gulped, but Tony shot him a glare and sent a jolt from his hand, knocking the guy out. He turned to the group, “Are all of you okay?”
There were mumbled nods, and Tony turned his attention to the two kids on the floor, the suit opening up for him to rush out, “Kid-”
“I’m fine,” Harley insisted, despite the fact that he was still being held up by Peter, “We have bigger fish to fry.”
“You need medical aid.”
“Tony-”
“Fri, how far away are the paramedics?”
“They’re two floors below you, estimated time of arrival in two minutes-”
“Tony!” Harley snapped, “We have to worry about something else!”
“Kid,” Tony’s voice revealed all the concern that his angry face was hiding, “You’re hurt- what could be more important than that.”
“Hydra.”
Tony blinked, “Hydra?”
“Yeah,” Harley hissed as he separated from Peter, stumbling as he attempted to stan- which Peter quickly stood and helped him up, wrapping an arm around his waist to keep him stable- and he looked at Tony, “That’s whose after me.”
“Hydra is after you?”
“Hydra is after me,” Harley leaned into Peter a little more, “And I want to know why .”