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Disclaimer: I own no rights to Hawaii Five-0 or any of its characters. This is a work of fan fiction and no infringement is intended.
Steve had been getting noticeably antsy after a Wednesday morning filled with nothing but paperwork, so Danny had wisely taken him out for lunch. Since it was close to noon, the rest of the team decided to take a break as well. When Junior returned to HQ after running a couple of errands and grabbing a sandwich, Tani was already back in her office, but she was so absorbed in what she was doing that she didn’t even notice him. Instead, she was staring intently at her computer, her eyes widening ever so slightly every time she clicked the wireless mouse. Junior couldn’t quite figure out her expression, but he thought it was somewhere between fascinated and downright disturbed. Since the last thing he wanted to do was more paperwork, he decided to see how long it would take for Tani to notice him. Cops were supposed to be observant, after all, even rookies. He leaned against the wall across from her office where he had a clear view of her sitting at her desk. Several times she reached over and grabbed a bottle of water and took a sip, but her eyes never left the screen. Fifteen minutes later, Tani was still completely engrossed in whatever was on her computer and Junior was bored, so he decided it was time to investigate. He walked over and knocked on the frame of her open door. At the sound, Tani nearly jumped out of her skin and quickly slammed shut her laptop. When she realized it was Junior at the door, she let out an obvious sigh of relief.
“Good god, Junes, don’t sneak up on me like that, I thought you were one of the bosses.
“I didn’t sneak up on you,” he told her as he walked into her office and stopped in front of her desk. “I’ve been back for twenty minutes. What had you so captivated that you didn’t notice me? Were you looking at porn or something?” he joked. “Is that why you slammed your computer shut before I could see what was on the screen? Because you didn’t want the Commander or Detective Williams finding out you look at naked men on your lunch hour?”
Tani actually blushed. “Not naked exactly, just shirtless. And not just any men, McGarrett and Danny.”
“What!? Who!?” He would have been less surprised if she’d told him she was looking at nude pictures of Santa Claus lying on a reindeer-skin rug.
“Commander McGarrett and Detective Williams,” she repeated.
“I heard you the first time. What I should have asked is why. Why are you looking at naked pictures …”
“Shirtless.”
“Okay, why are you looking at shirtless pictures of … them?” He still couldn't wrap his mind around Tani looking at pictures of the Commander and Detective Williams, especially naked, okay half-naked, ones.
“I certainly didn’t set out to look at them, but once I found them, I don’t know … I couldn’t stop looking.” Her faced reddened even more when she rushed to explain, “It was an accident. I swear. I finished my lunch and I was bored with paperwork, so I thought I’d Google Five-0 to see what came up. I’ve been here for two months and for some reason I’ve never done that before. I added McGarrett’s and Danny’s names to the search because I wanted to read up on some of their early cases. I was skimming the search results to see if anything looked interesting and this Instagram account popped up. I thought it was odd that there was a Five-0 Instagram page, so I clicked on it. Now I wish I hadn’t because there are just some things you can’t unsee.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean there are lots of photos of them. Some are obviously from news sites because they look like they were taken at press conferences or crime scenes or leaving the courthouse, but some of them are definitely not … official photographs, shall we say. There are dozens of shots of one or both of them without a shirt on. A lot were taken at the beach, there’s a bunch of them playing basketball, some of them washing their cars, there’s even a few of a shirtless Danny standing in front of Kamekona’s shrimp truck with his badge and gun still on his hip. What’s up with that? Why would he take his shirt off at Kamekona’s? Although, that seems to be a thing with them because there’s one of McGarrett there too, obviously taken on a different day. He’s standing there flexing while a fully-clothed Danny is right next to him looking angry. There are tons of photos, and it doesn’t look like they posed for any of them.”
“Who took the pictures? Do you think they have a stalker or something?”
“If they do, then she, or maybe he, is a very public stalker because the account has over 10,000 followers.”
“Wow. 10,000? Really?” Junior didn’t get it. Why in the world would that many people want to see half-naked pictures of the Commander and Detective Williams?
“Do you want to see?” Tani opened her laptop back up.
“Uh, no, not really.” Junior quickly shook his head and took a step back.
“Well, you’re missing out.” Tani looked away from Junior and back towards her screen. “They are definitely hot. How did I not notice that before? I mean I knew they were both attractive, for guys in their forties, but I never thought about what they looked like without their shirts on. What am I going to do? I can’t unsee this,” she wailed.
“It might help if you’d quit looking,” Junior pointed out to the flustered woman.
“It’s sort of like seeing a car accident. You don’t want to look, but you can’t help it.” She dragged her eyes away from the screen and glanced up at him. “Hey, you’ve been crashing on their couch for weeks now, you must have seen them without their shirts on.”
At her expectant look, Junior just shrugged. “Yeah, so?”
“Well, why didn’t you say something?”
“Say something about what?” he asked, totally confused.
“About this,” She waved her hand towards her laptop as if he could see the pictures on the screen. “The pecs, the biceps, the fricking abs. Six-pack abs, Junes. You could have warned a girl. I needed to know my bosses are total hunks, so I could have prepared myself.”
“You’re being ridiculous, you know that, right?” He seriously did not understand Tani’s reaction. Instead of being upset that someone was following the Commander and Detective Williams around taking skin pics of them and posting them on the internet, she appeared more upset that she actually seemed to like the photos. He would never understand women.
“I am not being ridiculous,” Tani insisted. She waved her hand towards her computer screen. “Any woman, and more than a few men, would be distracted by these sexy as hell bodies.”
“Looking at porn on company time, Tani?” the voice asked from the doorway. Junior jumped and turned towards the door just as Tani slammed her laptop shut once more. McGarrett was standing there, arms folded, as he leaned against the doorframe with an amused expression on his face.
“Why does everyone assume I’m looking at porn?” Tani huffed. “Do I really seem like the kind of person who looks at porn on her lunch hour?” Her blush when she looked at the Commander standing there with his tattoos peaking out beneath his shirtsleeves didn’t help her case much.
“Who’s looking at porn?” Detective Williams asked as he too appeared in the doorway, nudging his partner out of his way. If possible, Tani’s face got even redder and Junior didn’t think it was from anger since she seemed to be staring at the buttons on the detective’s dress shirt. Junior thought Danny, or possibly someone else, has undone an extra button while he was at lunch.
“Tani,” McGarrett told him.
“Really?” One blond eyebrow went up at that answer.
“I am not looking at porn,” she snapped out in a near shout.
“Oh yeah?” McGarrett shot back. “Then why were you talking about being distracted by sexy bodies? And why did you slam your computer shut as soon as you noticed me standing here?” he asked.
“It wasn’t porn,” she insisted again, although in a much calmer tone than before.
“I can vouch for that,” Junior smirked. “What she was looking at definitely wouldn’t qualify as porn, not in a court of law anyway.”
“Be quiet, Junior,” Tani snapped. “You’re not helping.”
After considering the two new recruits for several seconds, McGarrett put an arm around his partner’s shoulders and looked down at him. “Detective Williams, I think that I, as head of this task force, and you, as my second in command, have a responsibility to the Governor and to the people of Hawaii, to check what’s on that computer. Just to make sure there is no inappropriate workplace conduct going on here. Don’t you agree, Daniel?”
"For once, Steven, I agree with you completely. Let's have a look."
“Uh, sirs, I’m not sure you want to do that,” Junior told them, suddenly realizing the possible ramifications of them finding out about the Instagram account. “Maybe it would be best if we just gave Tani a little privacy.” While he thought the Commander might laugh off the photographs, he was pretty sure Detective Williams would blow his top if he saw them.
“Oh, now we’ve got to see.” McGarrett grinned as he reached across Tani’s desk and grabbed her laptop. When he opened it, he turned it back around so she could grudgingly enter her password and unlock the screen. As soon as he turned the computer back around, he saw why Junior warned them against looking. He slammed the lid shut in an obvious attempt to keep his partner from seeing the photos of the two of them that filled the screen.
“Hey, babe, no fair,” Danny said, “what was on the computer? It was porn, wasn’t it?”
“No, it was nothing interesting. Definitely not porn. Hey, why don’t we leave the kids to finish their paperwork? Come back to my office, I could use your help on a couple of things?” McGarrett grabbed Danny’s elbow and attempted to steer him out of the office and away from the shirtless pictures of the two of them that had been prominently displayed on Tani’s computer screen.
“What was on the computer, Steven?” Danny asked again as he jerked his elbow away from his partner. Junior wisely backed away from the two men. He didn’t want to get caught in the cross-fire.
“Nothing you want to see, believe me. Just drop it, Danny. Please.” McGarrett nearly begged.
“Steve, there is obviously something the rest of you don’t want me to see. If you don’t move out of the way and let me look, you’ll be sharing the couch with Junior tonight.”
McGarrett's shoulders slumped in defeat. Junior had lived with the two of them long enough to know the Commander wasn’t willing to risk the chance that Danny would follow through on that threat. “Okay, but don’t say we didn’t warn you. And Danny, please try to stay calm, alright?”
“I always remain calm.” He insisted, ignoring the looks of disbelief his statement elicited from the rest of them.
McGarrett nodded at Tani who reluctantly opened her laptop and entered her password. After typing it, she pushed her chair backwards in an obvious attempt to distance herself from the detective as he reached for the computer and turned it around so he could see the screen. They watched his jaw clench and his face redden as he silently scrolled through the photos, clicking on several to read the comments. After a couple of minutes, he carefully closed the computer and turned to McGarrett.
“Grace can never know about this,” Danny told him. “It’s exactly what she said would happen after her delinquent classmate live-streamed our game of one-on-one.”
“Oh shit, you’re right, she’d be mortified, and we’d never hear the end of it.”
“Kono,” Danny bit out the name like a curse. “It had to be Kono who created that damn account because some of those pictures pre-date the basketball game. She better be glad she’s on the mainland or I might wring her neck. She’s taken that Shirtless Wednesdays joke of hers too far. If I find out that there’s a calendar, I won’t be responsible for my actions.”
“Shirtless Wednesdays, a calendar? What are you guys talking about,” Tani recklessly asked.
“None of your business,” Danny snapped. “Find Jerry and have him shut down that account and remove those pictures.”
“You really don’t know how the internet works, do you?”
“Tani,” McGarrett warned. “Now is not the time. Just find Jerry and see if there’s anything he can do.”
Junior jumped in, hoping to ease the tension. “I’ll go find him, Commander. Jerry’s great with things like this, I’m sure he’ll figure out something.” He ignored Tani’s blatant eye-roll.
“Thanks, Junior.” McGarrett told him before turning to Danny. “Don’t worry, buddy, if Grace hasn’t found out about the account and the pictures by now, she probably never will. And believe me, if she knew about them, our ears would still be ringing. Besides, you have nothing to be embarrassed about, you looked really good in those pictures.” He placed a hand on Danny’s arm. “Now, what do you say we finish that paperwork and then call it a day? We’ll go home, drink a couple of beers, and cook a nice dinner together. How’s that sound?”
Junior watched as some of the tension eased from the detective’s shoulders. “Yeah, that sounds good. Let’s go.”
“Hey,” Tani called as the two men were leaving her office, “Do you guys want to go to the beach this weekend? Maybe go surfing? As a team bonding sort of thing, of course?”
The only response she got to that question was the door slamming behind them on their way out.
"You're shameless. I can't believe you actually tried to get them to agree to take their shirts off in front of you."
Tani turned to Junior and grinned. “There are some things in life that you really wish you could unsee and then there are some things you want to see again and again.”
End.