Chapter Text
In retrospect, Adora could at least be glad that she wasn’t manning the counter when Catra walked into the bakery. Maybe she would have broken the glass case, or pulled on the handle of the espresso machine so hard it snapped off. Instead, she just dropped a tray full of sugar cookies. The mess of crumbs and frosting was a good excuse to scramble on the floor, beyond view of any customers. Adora didn’t know if Catra had seen her. She didn’t even know if she was recognizable. But she knew Catra in an instant.
It wasn’t just the eyes, or the out-of-place Horde uniform. It was the way she took money out of her wallet, and the ramrod straight posture that betrayed a military upbringing. Adora knew how quickly that spine could sag into a slouch, attracting punishment from any nearby authority. She had honestly never expected to see her friend in a officer uniform. Catra must have mastered some of her rebellious streak, to be wearing that uniform.
After she finished cleaning up the cookies, Adora decided to make bread. True, she had pulled several golden and fragrant loaves out of the oven just a few hours ago, but this was a bakery. No one one would mind the extra. Besides, they gave away leftovers at the end of the day, under the sign Glimmer had painted to read “Food is Love.”
Adora scooped flour onto the scale, not even bothering to look at a recipe. She had first learned to bake bread when on kitchen duty at the Horde, though those loaves had been plain and heavy. She had loved it then, even been the head assistant in her final year there. No, thinking about the Horde kitchens was too close to thinking about Catra. The events of her last year, even more so.
There were several cultures of yeast sitting on the counter. Adora lifted a checkered cloth over her favorite and inhaled. It smelled warm, alive. Perfect for driving the cold memories to the back of her head. She stirred it into water with salt and sugar, then poured in the flour. It puffed up and covered her eyelashes with soft grains.
Adora was so involved in her kneading that she didn’t hear Glimmer come in.
“Adora. Adora!”
“What?”
“I had to wait until now to check on you. Frosta is covering my shift. Are you okay?”
“Just, um, making bread.”
Glimmer raised her eyebrows but didn’t say anything. After all, she was the one who had created Adora’s baking schedule. She knew from deviance.
“So I thought I recognized that woman in the uniform but I couldn’t place her. And then I heard you gasp and crash. It was Catra, wasn’t it?”
Adora just nodded, playing with a stray piece of dough.
“I wasn’t even sure it was her. You know I’ve only seen Catra a couple of times, when we got into those fights as teenagers.”
“It was her alright. I would know that face anywhere.”
“I guess her eyes are pretty unique.”
“Not just her eyes.” Adora lifted the cloth off of one rising loaf of bread and punched it, maybe a little too hard. Glimmer moved towards her and put a hand on her shoulder.
“We both have to work the rest of the afternoon, and Bow doesn’t get home from classes for a couple hours. We don’t really have time to talk about this now, even if you wanted to. Let’s talk this evening, okay?”
Adora just nodded. She already had a list of things to do in the bakery between now and then. Not thinking about it would be a breeze.
***
Adora trudged upstairs to the apartment she shared with her friends. Everyone had left her alone to close up, recognizing the worried gleam in her eye that could only be tamed by cleaning and organizing. Her wrists hurt from all the scrubbing.
Glimmer and Bow were sitting on their ratty purple sofa, eating last night’s pasta out of tupperware. Bow smiled at her and passed a container but she shook her head.
“Let me shower first. I’m more flour than girl.”
Glimmer smacked her lips. “Good enough to eat,” and then frowned as if her friend might be unusually fragile after the day’s events. Adora decided to laugh. It was the kind of joke they made all the time. A glimpse of her former best friend didn’t have to ruin the friendships she had now.
When Adora got out of the shower, Glimmer and Bow were in the same places on the couch. Adora was able to get through half her container of pasta before Bow cleared his throat and glanced over at Glimmer. She looked at Adora, concerned.
“Hey… I know you don’t like to talk about your time with the Horde. I don’t think I’ve even heard you mention Catra’s name in the last four or five years. But seeing her again has clearly scrambled you. You were like a robot all day. Do you think you need to talk about it?”
Adora sighed and stared at her hands.
“I don’t want to. I’ve built such a good life here, I’ve been able to not even think about my past in any real way. But I don’t I have a choice now.” She looked up at Bow and Glimmer, “Are you two okay to hear it? You helped me out so much when I first got here. I don’t want to burden you anymore.”
“Don’t be silly. This is what friends are for.”
“I guess I’ll just start at the beginning. You know I lived in group homes after my grandmother died when I was four. Too old to be adopted, I guess. Catra was always in the same homes as me. She claimed to not remember where she came from. Our first foster mothers were pretty nice, I guess. There wasn’t really enough of anything but we weren’t mistreated. They usually put us in the same trundle bed. I can’t remember sleeping without her.”
“The other kids could be pretty mean to Catra, she was scrawny and her eyes were different colors. The adults never protected her, or anyone I guess. I always stood up for her.”
Adora paused. Glimmer and Bow were giving her even, loving looks. They already knew this part. Adora talked about her foster days fairly regularly, even if she avoided going into specifics. Talking to kids still in the system was part of her job. Bright Moon said it gave them hope.
“Our situations got steadily worse as we got older. We weren’t always put in the same home, but there was this roof of a library we always met at. We started fighting more. Other people, not each other. I guess Catra usually got into scraps first. I bailed her out a lot. I was bigger and stronger, but Catra was clever. And meaner, I guess.”
“You’ve said “I guess” about six times in the last few minutes,” said Bow. “I know I don’t remember my time before Bright Moon all that well, but I was younger than you. Is this hard to remember?”
“Yeah. I guess.” Adora caught herself and cracked a smile. Glimmer looked relieved.
“It was just so long ago. I was a different person then. We both were. Anyway, our fights got us both listed as problem kids. When we were thirteen, we got send to Hordak Military Prep with the other hopeless cases.”
“I’d always been okay at school, but there I was a star. Being strong and fast was the best way to win praise. Besides, I’d already learned to turn off my emotions if I got angry or scared. I could follow rules like nobody’s business. Catra was the opposite. She was usually near the top of the class, but she never stopped being angry. She broke rules all the time. Our supervisor, Weaver, hated her almost beyond belief. I was Weaver’s favorite, and got all sorts of privileges like working in the kitchen. I think that was the first straw.”
Adora paused again. Talking was bringing up emotions, which were worse than facts. She remembered what it was like, feeling positive that the only two people who would ever love her were an angry girl with a knife collection, and a truly sadistic trainer with a collection of even worse things.
“I guess one good thing about the Horde was that no one ever tried to seperate us. It was so cold in the winter that plenty of people bunked together. We weren’t ever that well supervised outside of classes and training. That let us, let me...”
Adora trailed off. She could feel herself freezing up, her friends and the comfortable room receding. This was the part of the story that she didn’t know how to explain, or really even remember. One day everything was normal. Comfortable, maybe cosy. Next memory Catra was lying on the floor, bruised and next to lifeless. Next Adora was alone, trying to find her way to any kind of sanctuary. The things in between just filled her with icy shame and dread. She put her head on her knees and tried to remember how to breathe.
“Adora? Hey, Adora. We don’t have to talk about this anymore. Let Bow make you some pancakes and then we should all go to bed.”
She let herself be led into the small kitchen they shared. Bow’s pancakes were hearty, full of nuts and covered in butter and brown sugar. None of them spoke, but Adora felt herself come back into her body as she ate them. The sign in the bakery was true.
After they all ate, Glimmer insisted on sleeping on the futon in Adora’s room. She would protest, but having someone nearby really did make her sleep better, even after all those years.
Catra came again the next day. Adora didn’t see her, but Glimmer reported that the encounter was pretty much identical to the day before’s. She took her coffee black, but poured in the sugar from two of the little pink packets. Adora thought about that all day. Turning bitter into sweet. Catra’s long, thin fingers ripping the pink paper to shreds.