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Logan sighed, moving his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose. His book, which he’d been completely engrossed in until a few minutes ago, lay forgotten in his lap. He had only wanted to read in relative quiet. That plan was doomed to fail the moment Patton, Roman and Virgil decided to play Mario Kart in the living room. Things had been going fine, but Roman kept boasting about his wins. Virgil was getting increasingly agitated, and as much as Patton tried to keep the peace, it was near impossible to get them to calm down once they got into it.
“Yes! Another victory for me, the best prince in all the land!” Roman shouted, grinning and throwing a fist into the air as his kart crossed the finish line only a second or two before Virgil’s. Patton’s kart came in 4th, but the father figure wasn’t paying much attention. Instead he cast a worried glance at Virgil, who set down the controller and glared at Roman.
“You know, Princey, you constantly surprise me. I didn’t know it was possible for you to be even more insufferable, but look at you go.”
Roman scoffed, laying a hand on his chest. “First of all, how dare you? Second of all, Doctor Gloom, there’s nothing wrong with being happy about winning. You’re just being a sore loser.” Virgil hissed at the emphasis he put on that last word.
“No, I’m not. You’re being a sore winner, and if this is how you’re gonna act then I’m out.” Virgil shoved his clenched fists into the pockets of his hoodie.
Patton bit his lip, brow creased in concern. “Now, kiddos, let’s all just play nice.”
Virgil rolled his eyes. “Tell that to Prince Prideful over there. He’s the problem.” He glowered at Roman, his usually dark brown eyes flashing purple. It was a curious thing that the “dark sides” could do, and Logan found it both fascinating and alluring. He couldn’t help but stare, and for once he was grateful that Virgil was paying him no mind. This crush of his would probably lead nowhere, and it was better that Virgil didn’t know.
Patton pulled him from his thoughts, tugging on his shirt sleeve. “Lolo? A little help? Please?” Logan pulled his gaze away from Virgil and looked down at Patton, who gestured helplessly at the two arguing sides. Logan’s mind was unusually blank, and instead of carefully choosing his words, he blurted out the first thing that came to his mind.
“Why don’t you both take some chill medicine?”
His words caused Roman and Virgil to fall silent as they both turned to stare at him. Virgil raised an eyebrow, Roman looked startled and Patton has an odd look of both confusion and relief that the fighting had stopped. Roman broke the silence first as he giggled, then burst into a full laugh. Logan tensed but didn’t say anything. Was what he said truly that funny?
“Chill medicine? Oh, Logan, you’re hilarious! You said it like that on purpose, right? I know you’ve said it the right way before,” Roman said through his laughter. Logan glanced from the creative side to Virgil, who was smiling, his eyes fading from the bright violet to his regular dark brown. Patton gave Logan’s shoulder a light squeeze in thanks.
Logan, however, was only vaguely aware of all of this. His thoughts were racing, and he was trying very hard not to let the panic show through. “Shit, I did say that wrong. What’s the matter with me? Now they know, they’ll think I’m a joke! I’m not a joke, not a joke, not a joke-”
“Logan?” Virgil’s voice interrupted Logan’s thoughts. He forced himself to focus on his surroundings. Roman was still laughing as he turned off the gaming system. Patton, now fully relaxed, was blushing and smiling lovingly at the prince. Logically, he knew that Roman was laughing in a good-natured way, but it seemed to echo in his head in a cruel and mocking tone. He didn’t dare look at Virgil again. He was way too perceptive; and the last thing he needed was for anyone to see that this was getting to him.
No. He could not, under any circumstances, let them see his panic. Couldn’t let them know how this was affecting him; making him feel. He was logic, after all, and having a panic attack was not logical. These feelings were not logical. He straightened up, running a hand through his hair. Adjusted his tie. Did his best to appear calm and collected. “Yes, I did say that on purpose, Roman, in hopes to break the tension. I am glad it seems to have worked. You are both aware of how Patton dislikes when the two of you bicker.”
Logan felt a bit of the panic fade away when no one questioned his explanation. Despite that, he still felt on edge, and his hands were beginning to tremble. He rose from the couch and smoothed his shirt down, fiddling with his tie again before tucking his book under one arm. “Now, if you all will excuse me, I think I’ll continue reading up in my room.”
The other sides nodded and went back to talking amongst themselves. Logan allowed himself a small sigh of relief as he successfully made it across the living room and up the stairs without anyone calling out for him. It wasn’t until he was in his bedroom that he allowed the mask of calm to slip away, revealing his true emotions where no one else could see them.
***
Patton stood at the sink, washing the dishes from that night’s dinner and humming a song from Winnie the Pooh. Roman had long since left for the dreamscape, going on about some quest or another. Dinner had been delicious, but someone had missed out. Logan’s plate sat at his usual spot, food untouched and growing colder by the minute. Virgil stared intently at the plate as if it had personally offended him. Something was off about what had happened earlier. Virgil couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but something was wrong. Maybe it was the way Logan had tensed at Roman’s laughter. Maybe it was the unnecessary adjusting of his tie. Or maybe Virgil was reading too much into things. Then again, he was usually correct about these kinds of situations. “I better go check on him. Just in case.”
“Hey, Pat? I’m gonna go get Logan, okay?” Virgil said as he hopped off the counter. Patton only nodded, then began humming something that sounded like ‘Someday My Prince Will Come’. The anxious side gave Patton a soft smile before he made his way out of the kitchen and towards the upstairs hall, trying to ignore his desire to run the entire way. He reached Logan’s door and gave it a hesitant knock.
“Logan? It’s me, Virgil. You didn’t come down for dinner; is everything okay?” There was no response. “Logan? Can I come in?” Still nothing. Virgil wasn’t planning on giving up that easily. He pressed an ear to the door and heard a crumpling sound, and the muffled whimpers of someone trying (and failing) not to cry. “I’m coming in, okay?” Virgil opened the door to see Logan sitting on the floor, surrounded by scraps of paper and tears steadily streaming down his face. He didn’t even look up towards Virgil; instead he grabbed another vocabulary card from the pile next to him and began to tear it to pieces.
“Whoa, hey, Logan, no! Don’t do that, stop!” Virgil rushed forward and pulled the index card out of Logan’s grip. The logical side tried to grab another card but Virgil quickly pushed them out of Logan’s reach. He whimpered but didn’t make another attempt to take the cards back; only wrapped his arms around himself.
“Logan, what are you doing? What’s going on, talk to me. Please?” Virgil knelt next to Logan, rubbing his back. Logan mumbled something unintelligible. “I’m sorry, what was that?”
“I’m so stupid,” he said, a bit louder this time, shoving Virgil away. “I’m so incredibly stupid. What’s even the point of these stupid cards? I’m a joke. You all think it. As much as I try to be taken seriously, as much as I try to be smart, it’s all an act. And you know it, you all do! I’m just a joke to you, aren’t I?” With each sentence, Logan’s voice rose until he was practically yelling.
Virgil shook his head. “Logan… no. You’re wrong. You aren’t a joke, and no one thinks that of you. Is this about you messing up that slang word earlier?” He hesitated at first, but nodded his head a few moments later. “Oh, Lo… please look at me?”
Logan heard the sincerity in Virgil’s voice, which finally made him look at the side next to him. Virgil looked sad; heartbroken, even. “It’s okay to mess up words. I do it, Patton does it, Roman does it. That doesn’t make you a fool or a fake or a joke or any of that other stuff you said. And I really hope you believe me, because it’s the truth.” The logical side breathed out sharply. He knew Virgil wouldn’t lie. But still there was that voice in the back of his head, telling him otherwise. He bit his lip, swiping away the tears still falling from his face.
“Virgil, I want to believe you. I do, truly. But Roman… when he was laughing, it sounded like he was mocking me. I know he wasn’t,” Logan said as Virgil opened his mouth to protest. “But that’s how I heard it. In my head.”
“I understand that. It’s hard to know what’s real sometimes, especially when you’re already in a bad mindset. But we’re all here for you, Lo. Patton, and Roman, and Thomas, and me.” He took Logan’s hand in his, entwining their fingers together. Logan blushed, staring down at their hands.
Logan felt calm in that moment as his worries faded away. He liked this simple show of affection, especially from Virgil. His heart stuttered in his chest, beating so loudly he feared Virgil would hear. “So, Logan, is there anything else I can do to help you? Because I want to help you. You mean a lot to me and I, for one, love the way you speak. Even when you mess up.” Virgil gave Logan a smirk and leaned in closer. Logan could have sworn his brain was short-circuiting.
“I, um, you… you do? What are you doing?” Logan stumbled over his words as Virgil gently pulled Logan into his lap.
“You know Logan, you’re a pretty smart guy. I’m sure you can figure that out.” Logan gathered his courage and closed the distance between them, wrapping his arms around Virgil’s neck. The kiss was spectacular, definitely everything Logan had hoped it would be and more. After what was likely only a few minutes (but felt like a few hours), Logan pulled away. Virgil was grinning. “I can’t even begin to tell you how long I’ve wanted to do that.”
“Really? I’ve had feelings for you, a crush on you, for a long time. I never thought you’d feel the same way.” Logan moved to sit next to Virgil, and his gaze fell onto the scraps of vocabulary cards. He frowned. That had been a mistake on his part; it would take him forever to replace them. He felt a hand on his knee.
“Don’t worry about that, okay? I’ll help you make some more later. But right now, we need to get you some dinner.” Virgil stood and held out a hand. Logan took it, and didn’t let go, not even as they made their way out of the room and down the stairs.
“Maybe it’s a good thing I messed up after all.”