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The first thing he notices is that his partner is incredibly quiet.
Which, anyone would notice that since he doesn’t even miss the chance to make some snarky comment or sarcastic statement. Not even a stupid pun or joke, no quips or even a thoughtful noise. Just nothing. He’ll only speak if he’s spoken to first.
He’ll look down a lot at the floor or at his shoes, and if he’s sitting, he looks at his hands. If he isn’t out there saving lives, he barely moves. When he does, it’s slow and almost noticeably so. He sighs like he hasn’t slept for the past two days and he won’t eat anything.
He also believes that no one notices or really cares.
“You okay?” Barnaby asks, kind of unsure how he should go about this.
“Huh?” Kotetsu glances at him, his gaze immediately going back to securing his watch on his wrist. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired. It’s been a long week. Don’t worry about me.” He lies with a forced smile as he closes the door to his locker.
Yeah, and the last time Barnaby listened to that good ol’ ‘don’t worry about me’, he almost killed him.
He quietly slips out the locker-room to go home and sleep the rest of the evening and night away. Kotetsu wasn’t sure why, but today felt like such a drag. Over and over, his mind asks the question “what’s the point?” and when he wouldn’t get any kind of answer, then it was “no, really, what’s the point?” He thought he was getting better at this, especially around other people. He thought with the way things were now with the other heroes, his job, and his family that these kinds of days would stop. That he could just be happy now, and not have days like this anymore.
Days where he just wanted to crawl in a hole and quietly pass away because everyone is annoyed by him or burdened by him or secretly hate him in some way-
Sometimes...sometimes it just felt like everyone would get along better if he just wasn’t here.
And sometimes, he’s just so damn tired of living.
“I need a drink.” The veteran mumbles as he drives home, planning to drink whatever leftover beer he had in his fridge and then pass out (it’s like death but without the commitment after all). He’d wake up hungover, sure, but maybe he’d cheer the fuck up. Maybe he’d actually have some energy to have a conversation that was more than a few words long.
He walks into his empty loft, not bothering to turn on the lights. He immediately changes into a t-shirt and pajama pants, and then goes straight to the beer (and wow a bottle of wine too? Score!). He wasn’t sure where to flop down for the remainder of the night, but ultimately chose the bed in the end so the passing out part was a little more comfortable. This was what those those ladies at the front desk call ‘self-care’, right? Right. Let’s call it that.
Just as he’s halfway through the first bottle, there’s a doorbell and a couple knocks at his door. If it’s that fucking Jehovah’s Witness again-
“Whatever it is, I don’t want it.” Kotetsu deadpans as he opens the door, not even looking to see who it is. He just wanted to be left the fuck alone.
“...This is the first time you’ve refused fried rice. That bad, huh?” Barnaby’s voice says.
The older man’s face breaks into some surprise and an embarrassed smile. “Oh, it’s you! I’m sorry, I thought you were…” He sees the worried smile on his partner’s face which catches him off guard a little. “Well, uh, it’s not important. What are you doing here?”
The blond withheld a sarcastic comment and simply offered the warm container in his hands. “I made you fried rice. I wanted you to tell me how awful it is.”
Kotetsu accepts it, the smile on his face beginning to look a little more genuine. “Oh, I bet it’s not bad at all.”
“Can I come in?”
“Yeah, sure. Where are my manners, right?”
Barnaby doesn’t comment about how dark and cold it is. Kotetsu didn’t want to give him the chance to with the way he quickly turns on the lights.
“Sorry, I was gonna go to bed.” The older man explains quickly, and before his partner could ask ‘at six pm?’, “Take a seat on the couch and tell me all about how I’m at the age where I need more sleep. I’ll put it on some plates and warm it up.”
“No, let me do it. I’m the one who made it.”
“But it’s the least I could do since you did all the work.”
“Come on, let me present it to you at least.”
Kotetsu’s hands come up to fidget slightly, but he complies and swallows a few unexpected tears. “Okay then.” He forces another smile. “I have some beer in the fridge o-or wine if you wanted.”
His partner was already busy, pulling out plates from the cabinet like this was his own kitchen. “I’ll get that too. Just relax, let me handle it. As much as I don’t really use my kitchen, I can assure you that I know my way around a microwave.”
The older man makes himself chuckle as much as he can at that and goes to sit on the couch. He would turn on the TV but didn’t feel like taking the risk of tuning into a HeroTV broadcast. He felt awkward for just sitting there like a slouch, but he really didn’t want to do anything anyway.
However, mainly so Barnaby thought nothing of him being as animated as a wall, he sees about his record collection. People usually had no issues with his taste in music, maybe a complaint or two about it not being the most modern shit, so he’s sure the background noise would be fine for his guest (if he can even call him one, it almost felt insulting to say so).
“You need to go grocery shopping.” The young man says as soon as he closes the fridge. This was possibly his attempt at some conversation as the silence became a little much.
“Oh, I know.” Kotetsu replies, still looking through record after record a little faster now. “I will tomorrow.” Maybe. He hasn’t felt like eating anything for the past few days so it wasn’t a huge problem to him.
“Don’t forget.” Is said as if Barnaby is aware of his partner’s eating habits.
As soon as he’s found the right record to play that he felt his partner would mind the least, there’s the ceremonious beeping of the microwave and wine being poured. He isn’t sure how Barnaby knew where he kept everything from glasses to silverware and extra napkins without having to scrounge around for it, but he doesn’t question it. He’s getting free fried rice without having to put in the time and effort to make it, so why complain about anything?
Barnaby leans down to put the wine glass on the coffee table before handing him the plate of fried rice. It didn’t look great but didn’t look bad either. It smelled fine too, but with the way green eyes are studying his face, he really shouldn’t take the time for his other senses to inspect it. He takes the spoon, scoops up a good amount, and puts it in his mouth.
He smiles a little around it as he presses his lips together and then closes his eyes.
“It’s terrible.” The younger man instantly concludes.
Kotetsu starts chewing. “It’s not that bad.” He laughs a little, and to prove it, he eats another spoonful. “It really isn’t that bad. It’s kinda good.”
Barnaby laughs with him. “You’re lying, you have that look on your face. I know I need more practice.”
Okay, maybe he was lying a little. “No, I’m just surprised. I’ve had a lot worse, trust me. It’s just...”
“What?”
“A little salty.”
“And?”
“The rice and vegetables are overcooked.” His plate is taken away and back to the kitchen, leaving him to wash it down with wine. “You know, I can just teach you.”
“When there’s a rice shortage in Sternbild, I’ll resort to you just teaching me.”
It gets the older man to laugh and grin genuinely again, and for the first time in a while, the happy expression stays on his face longer than a few seconds. “Why did you bring this to me today?” He asks, trying not to sound so ungrateful and only genuinely curious.
Barnaby returns with his own glass and sits next to his partner. “Why not?” He shrugs and takes a sip.
“It’s not like I’ve done anything or have been on especially good behaviour.” He chuckles. “It’s not even a special occasion…” His face wrenches back into that depressed look he’s had for the past few days. “I don’t really deserve it. The most I’ve been lately is annoying and kinda destructive...and a dumbass.” Then he reaches for his glass of wine and downs the rest of it, almost as if to shut himself up. “Well, you know that first hand.” He half-jokes, trying to cover up whatever truth there was in his words.
And before Barnaby could say anything.
“I’m sorry. Not just about that but I shoulda just shut up and said ‘thank you for thinking of me’.”
So many heartstrings in Barnaby’s chest were being plucked at. He knew Kotetsu could be terribly self-deprecating, but he hadn’t realized that it was more serious than he thought. It brought a lot into question between them. From thoughtless jokes to insults...and now this large dumbell of guilt was weighing on him. Had he unknowingly contributed to...to this?
“Bunny?”
The blonde is brought out of his thoughts, looking back at his partner’s depressed face that he’s struggling to completely hide. “Sorry, I-”
“It’s been a long day, so you must be tired. I won’t waste any more of your time.” He forces a ‘gracious host’ smile on his face, and for some reason it feels like Kotetsu is slipping through pale fingers like sand. The older man gets up so he can see his partner to the door. “You really don’t have to worry about me. You’ve got more important things.”
Barnaby grabs his hand, squeezing it tightly. “Nothing is more important to me than you.” He flies out of his mouth firmly and with a little authority. It obviously caught the older man off guard with the way is mouth is opened slightly in surprise.
The blonde suddenly stands, he’s close and has a few inches on Kotetsu to look down at him who doesn’t get any time to ask questions before he’s pulled into a tight hug. It feels good, especially with the way it makes the older man’s shoulders feel less heavy. He almost wanted it tighter, closer even, so he returns the embrace. His hands clutch at the back of his partner’s shirt, squeezing and then letting go. He let his head rest on Barnaby’s shoulder, closing his eyes and trying to permanently remember this for when he feels so incredibly alone again.
“I love you, Kotetsu.”
“I-”
“You don’t have to say anything. I just came over today to try and cheer you up. Don’t think I haven’t noticed how you’ve been lately.” He smiled a little at a few memories that came to mind. “I thought I should return the favor for the many times you kicked down my door unannounced.” He chuckles and he knows that his partner smiling too. “With a big thing of fried rice and promises.”
“And bad jokes.” Kotetsu adds quietly, then his grin broadens. “Don’t forget the booze.”