Chapter Text
Jyn Erso often wished she was pretty. She would rather die than admit that to anyone, but she had a small mirror that Cassian had given her as a gift and she looked in it, not infrequently and wished she was pretty.
Of course, Cassian told her she was and two of the cadets she was training seemed to think so as well, but Jyn had seen Shara Bey’s exotic brown eyes that caused sparks to dance on any sentient who she looked at with a glimmer and Jyn had seen Princess Leia’s unscared and smooth porcelain skin that almost blended in with the snow of Hoth. Jyn Erso knew that her eyes were a dull green and her skin was riddled with scars and calluses and blisters.
The part of her raised by Saw shooved the notion away into a small part of her brain, where she dismissed it by scoffing at herself in, telling herself they are at war, and how could she think of something so trivial, but the part of her raised by diplomatic parents, always nagged that she was missing something that she needed and something that Cassian deserved to have. The first part of her brain always won.
That was only half the reason she learned how to apply lipstick, though. Leia had passed her the cold tube and when Jyn smoothed it over her lips it was thick, lush, and red. She got a little on her cheek and Leia smiled and wiped it off. Jyn had never been good at drawing. It was also only half of why she learned how to paint her eyes with eyeshadow to make them look bigger and brighter and only half of why she learned to apply mascara without it clumping and only half of why she learned to do up her hair in long waves, half tied back from her face.
The other half of the reason was that Cassian Andor was from Fest and kriffing Draven knew that. Of course he knew that. It was why he’d assigned Cassian the mission in the first place. So that was the other half of why she learned to do her makeup. So Cassian wouldn’t need to eavesdrop at the bar alone and Jyn wouldn’t look out of place in a exotic culture.
She didn’t think she was technically allowed on undercover missions, seeing as she was really not a very good spy, but she marched into Leia’s room and explained the situation and once she was made up, like a doll that she used to play with as a child, she showed up at the air hanger and crossed her arms, staring Draven down.
“I’m coming with him,” she snapped. Draven shook his head.
“Too dangerous. Fest is under Imperial occupation. There’s only one bar and we need this information.” His voice was cold. Jyn tightened her arms across her chest and glared.
“Go to hell. I’m coming with him,” she said again and marched forward. Draven caught her arm. Jyn cocked her head. “Draven. Come on. He needs me,” she pleaded and she didn’t even think that Draven could argue with that statement. “I’ll be arm candy,” she added. “You won’t hear a word from me.” Draven relented.
“I better not hear a goddamn word from you, Erso.” He hissed. She didn’t respond to him, only boarded the ship and went to meet Cassian in the bridge. He was obviously shocked to see her and probably even more shocked to see her in a dress. She smiled a cocky and suresmile. He didn’t need weakness, he needed an anchor right now and she could do that, after all the times he’d done the same for her, she could be an anchor.
“Am I pretty?” She asked wryly and twirled quickly.
“You’re coming?” He sounded confused and he turned away from the controls on the ship. Jyn shrugged and sat down next to him in the copilots seat.
“Just for moral support,” she said leaned back into the chair. Cassian sighed. “How are you?” He didn’t respond immediately, instead he shook his head and closed his eyes.
“I haven’t been there since I was six,” he confessed softly. “I don’t know.” Jyn rose from the chair and walked behind him, placing her hands on his shoulders.
“We’ll get through this,” she said softly. “It’ll be an in and an out and if you need to step away, I can jump in.” Cassian raised an eyebrow and turned to face her.
“What happened to arm candy and moral support?” He sounded a little more smug, which Jyn grinned at. She shrugged and leaned down to kiss him. It had been gelled back and was stiff. Cassian’s lips were warm and he smelled like fresh soap and the linen of his pressed uniform. Jyn closed her eyes for a minute and Cassian rached over, placing his hand on the nape of her neck to pull her in closer, hand running through her hair. Jyn pulled away and made a face.
“Stop it, you’ll mess up my hair and Leia spent forever teach me to do it,” Jyn snapped, but there was no heat behind it and the moved closer. Cassian reached up again and this time, Jyn pulled away with a laugh. “You’re just jealous because usually your hair looks the bed, but today mine looks better,” she accused and stood up. Cassian leaned forward in the seat.
“I’m not jealous,” he raised his hands in surrender. “Just thinking about how lucky I am you’re here..” Jyn walked back over to the captain's seat and kneeled in front of it, smiling sympathetically.
“Cassian, it can’t be easy going back,” she said softly. “And we’re going to do this. Together. It’ll be hard but I’m here.” Cassian leaned forward and kissed her again.
“And I’ve never been more glad.”