Chapter Text
Ⅰ
Suzaku had worried about it all evening, not knowing how to tell Lelouch. He didn’t want to hurt his friend, but he thought this was the best way to protect both Lelouch and Nunnally from getting discovered.
“Come visit again. Nunnally would like that”, Lelouch said. The small smile playing on his lips warmed Suzaku’s heart. He was sure Lelouch meant what he said, but it was like he was still trying to not talk about his own feelings, saying Nunnally would like it if Suzaku visited again, not him. Lelouch hadn’t changed one bit, now had he? Well, mostly anyway.
“Sure, but…”
“Hmh?”
And then he said it. He felt something in his throat, like a lump or something similar.
“Lelouch, we shouldn’t be seen together at school.”
“Why?”, Lelouch asks, sounding shocked. He probably was, judging by the look in his eyes. The raven-haired boy really hadn’t expected that, it seemed. His purple eyes had widened and there was a hint of worry in them, too.
“How would you explain it?”, Suzaku answered, looking straight at his friend’s eyes. Lelouch opened his mouth to object, but Suzaku went on, preventing Lelouch from talking. “Being friends with an honorary Britannian… If we aren’t careful, your secret will get out. About being royalty.”
Lelouch backed away, still utterly shocked. Suzaku was sure he heard hurt in the sound Lelouch had made, but ignored it. It was for his own best, surely the Britannian would have to admit and realise that.
“The same goes for Nunnally, right? I don’t want to cause you two any trouble...”, he muttered and felt an aching in his chest. Suzaku had dreamed of this day, of the day he could finally meet the royal siblings — his friends — again, only to tell them they would have to pretend not to know him.
“Putting others before yourself again, huh?”, his friend snapped, a glint of anger and frustration reflecting in them. Lelouch’s tone was annoyed, even more so than the demeanour in his eyes. It was like this had happened before, like they had had this conversation before, but they hadn’t, right?
“Again?”, Suzaku asked with a puzzled tone and lifted his chin back up. He raised his eyebrows in confusion. Lelouch’s reaction clarified there was something behind it, because his eyes widened again and he made a choked sound, like he had said something he shouldn’t have.
“Nothing…”, Lelouch murmured and looked away, closing his eyes. His furrowed eyebrows told of the worry Lelouch held although Suzaku wasn’t certain to what it was directed at. Probably him.
Suzaku’s own expression was worried until he forced himself to smile and look at Lelouch’s eyes. He hoped that the agony he felt wasn’t audible in his voice as he talked to Lelouch again.
“Thanks for everything today. It was fun. Well, I’ll see you later”, he said, already turning away. He didn’t want Lelouch to see the tears that were prickling in his eyes. He couldn’t show Lelouch he didn’t want this at all, because knowing Lelouch, the Britannian would most definitely not pretend anything then. He was still smiling so he wouldn’t have to explain anyone anything later on either.
“Right”, he heard Lelouch mumble. Another reason he couldn’t let Lelouch know he was hurting too, it would pain and worry the other even more, and Suzaku really couldn’t allow that to happen.
“I’m really glad.”
“Hm?”
“I never thought we’d get another chance to talk like this”, Suzaku explained, walking down the stairs. His shoulders fell, and he looked down. Lelouch said nothing as he walked away, but maybe that was for the best. He wouldn’t have to deal with that too.
He wouldn't even know how to handle that too.
It wasn’t the first time Suzaku had lied to Lelouch, probably, but it was the first lie he told that hurt both. He told Lelouch it was okay that they would pretend to not know the other, when in reality, he felt like he was burning inside. It hurt, a lot, but it was for the best.
All he wanted to do was to protect his best and only friend.