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Patton nervously bites his bottom lip, clutching Roman’s hand tighter as they walk through the park. It’s a cool fall day, leaves cascading down in the crisp breeze. Though his heart is pounding so loud in his ears as they get closer and closer to the meeting spot that he's barely able to register the sounds around them.
“Don’t worry so much, my love,” Roman says as reassuringly as he can muster. He squeezes Patton’s hand in a 1, 4, 3 pattern causing him to look at him. He beams brightly. “The boy doesn’t even know why we’re meeting him so if we don’t click, no harm, no foul.”
Patton nods. He knows Roman’s right but what if he falls in love with this little boy and he wants nothing to do with them? Patton’s sure his heart can’t take that. They’ve been trying to have a child for years. Surrogates, adoptions, anything and every one of them has fallen through. Patton loves all kids and he knows he’d be a good father, in fact there’s nothing he wants more in the world, but the universe seems dead against it.
He glances over at the kids playing on the various playgrounds, running and being happy. Some parents are chasing their kids around, others are on their phones probably needing a break. Patton can’t help but long to be them. To love a child, to raise them, to tuck them in, take them to school, to clubs and playdates. To establish holiday traditions, to snuggle with them at night and read them books. Patton's spent years being told he'd make a great dad and spent just as long trying to become one. He just needs one chance...
Fortunately, he doesn’t have much time to dwell on his feelings because the next time he focuses on what’s in front of him, he sees Ana—the social worker—and the boy. He’s older than Patton had been anticipating, but he’s the cutest child Patton’s ever seen. He’s got deep brown hair that’s slightly longer on the top and pushed back, very neat. His eyes are a deep blue, though they’re mostly covered by his thick black framed glasses. He’s wearing jeans and a ratty looking brown jacket, his hands stuck into the pockets—most likely to keep warm—and Patton’s slightly surprised to see he’s completely uninterested in playing at all. Instead, he’s just leaning slightly against an empty park bench.
“Mr. and Mr. Sanders!” Ana says warmly, beaming widely, “Hello!”
“Ana, wow, imagine running into you here!” Roman acts, releasing Patton’s hand and throwing himself into a tight hug with Ana. She’s asked them to keep a low profile, hence the park, to not make any mention to the child about their intentions. She told them he struggles immensely with foster parents and that it’s best to just meet him for now. So Roman will act and hopefully Patton will too. They pull apart and Roman glances down at the boy. He’s cute, undeniably cute and Roman’s sure he’s already in love. He bends slightly before sticking his hand out for a shake. “Hello, there, petite princeling. My name’s Roman.”
The boy looks at him for a moment before taking said hand and shaking it. “Salutations, my name is Logan Parker.”
Roman notices Logan’s brows draw close together, something flash in his eyes before he shakes his head.
“No, that is not correct. My name is Logan Adams again,” he corrects pulling his hand from Roman’s, “My apologies, my name has changed many times.”
Roman’s not sure how to respond and feels himself freeze. What do you say to a child who’s been given back so many times and knows it?
“Mine too,” Patton says beaming brightly at Logan. Now that he’s closer, he notices the boy’s glasses are cracked and taped in the middle. His clothes are slightly tattered and too small. His coat sleeves ending just about his wrists, his pants practically highwaters, his shoes brandishing a small hole on the top of them. Patton’s heart hurts. Why aren’t his foster parents taking better care of him? “We’re so much alike! I used to be Patton Hart but then Roman asked me to marry him so I’m Patton Sanders now. It takes a little while to get used to.”
Logan looks back and forth between the two of them, his face stoic, his eyes dropping in what looks like embarrassment. “My name changes because no one loves me. Yours changes because he loves you. We are very different.”
“Logan,” Ana admonishes, Logan shifting his gaze to her, “This isn’t the time.”
Logan nods once and looks back down at his hand-me-down shoes. “Apologies.”
“That’s ok,” Patton says softly both Roman and Ana surprised at his resilience, “I’m sure you’ve been through a lot and it’s unfair of me to assume we had similar experiences. Though, I did notice we wear the same glasses. Down to the brand.” Patton pulls his glasses off his face and holds them out to Logan who looks at them curiously. “I wonder if we have the same prescription. Do you think I could try yours on?”
“Mine are broken. I am clumsy and ruin valuable things. I do not wish to do that to your glasses,” Logan says making both Patton and Roman’s hearts ache even more. Who would tell him such things?
“I’ve got another pair in the car,” Patton says, “Just for a minute?”
Logan bites his bottom lip before nodding hesitantly. He pulls his own glasses off his face and the two switch. Patton slips Logan’s glasses on and can’t believe the boy’s been using these to see out of. The prescription is pretty close to Patton’s own, maybe a bit weaker, but there’s so many scratches and cracks in the lenses it feels like he’s seeing double. The tape in the middle also makes them very flimsy, even more flimsy than Patton thought was possible. “Well, what do you think?” Patton asks his eyes finally adjusting and focusing on Logan who’s begun looking at everything around them.
“Your glasses are superb,” Logan says kneeling down and picking up a couple dead leaves and holding them close to his face, “I can see the midribs and veins in the maple leaf. Glasses like this would aide me greatly in my science class.” Logan looks back at Ana. “Would I be able to get a pair like this?”
Ana shakes her head sadly. “You know Mr. Albertson can’t afford that right now.”
“But he just purchased Max a bicycle and Devan a computer,” Logan counters, “I will not ask for anything else and…and I will eat less. That way there will be some money. Maybe…maybe just enough for new lenses?”
“We’ll talk about this later, ok? In fact, we only have a couple more hours before Mr. Albertson wants you back,” she says, “Why don’t you go play for a while?”
Logan looks back down at the leaf in his hand. He doesn’t want to play. He wants to use these wonderful glasses to see things he hasn’t been able to see or study in a long time. But, he knows they’re not his. He pulls them off, his world instantly blurred, and holds them out to Mr. Sanders. “Can we switch back?”
Patton looks back at Roman who gives a slight nod of his head. “Logan, would you be ok with me keeping these?”
“Why would you want to keep them? Yours are far superior.”
“Well, like I said, I have another pair in the car and my husband’s pretty amazing at fixing things. So, if it’s ok with you, we could take them home and he can fix them so the next time we see each other, they’ll be fixed for free,” Patton explains, “And now, you don’t have to worry about eating less! Growing boys need their food!”
Logan slips Patton’s glasses back over his eyes. “You would do that?”
“Of course,” Roman adds with a slight scoff, Logan’s attention turning to him, “Fixing things is my second favorite thing in the world to do. The first being acting. So it’s like you’re giving me a gift, really.”
For the first time, since their meeting, Logan’s face lights up in true joy. A very appreciative smile fills his face, his deep blue eyes almost twinkle. He looks as if he’s come downstairs on Christmas morning to a living room full of toys from Santa. “Thank you,” he says to Roman before looking back at Patton, “I…I promise I will be very careful with these, Mr. Sanders. I will not allow my careless nature to ruin them. I will clean them every night and take them off and place them in a safe place. I will make sure not to sleep in them and…”
Logan continues to rattle off everything he’s going to do to keep the glasses in mint condition but Patton could honestly care less about the glasses. He just wants to pull Logan into a hug and tell him he is worthy of love and a good home. That whoever told him he was clumsy and didn’t deserve valuable things was a monster and that he deserved everything he could ever want and need. Patton wants to take him to the store and buy him clothes that fit, clothes that aren’t stained and filled with holes. He wants to take Logan to his and Roman’s home, to make this perfectly damaged child feel loved and supported. He wants to parent this child for the rest of his life.
“I have bored you,” Logan says sadly, “I talk too much.”
“You didn’t bore me,” Patton retorts. Yes, he might have not been listening to every detail but he was 100% focused on Logan, “I was just thinking that I am so glad my glasses are with you because I know you’ll keep them safe.” A blush lights up Logan’s cheeks, semi-covered by Patton’s glasses. “Between you and me, Roman talks a lot when it comes to things he loves too.”
“We are two peas in a pod,” Roman adds, “Two very cool peas if we’re honest here.”
Logan smiles softly. He likes being around the Sanders and finds himself wishing it was them he could go home with instead of the Albertsons. “Peas are actually found 6 in a pod. We would be more like a comet and an asteroid. Similar, but not the same.”
“Comet and asteroid then. So stylish specs, how about we take those glasses on a practice run. Make sure they’d really be good for your science class,” Roman suggests as Logan stands, “I am very good on expeditions, particularly if there’s any dragons or dragon witches that need slaying.”
“I-I would enjoy that,” Logan says, though he’s not sure he’s ever heard of a dragon witch before. He turns to Ana, “Is that allowed?”
She nods. “But only like an hour, ok? We need travel time.”
“We’re off then! Come, tiny scientist, wow me with all your knowledge,” Roman says dramatically walking towards the hike path surrounded with trees. Logan starts to follow but freezes, glancing back at Patton who’s just standing and watching them.
“Mr. Sanders…you do not have to if you do not want to, but…would you like to learn about all the plants I see?” Logan asks, “It is understandable if they do not interest you.”
Patton’s heart swells. He’s made such an impression on Logan that he wants him to join him? Patton can’t possibly be more in love with this kid. “I would love to.” Logan beams and Patton walks closer, slightly tripping over a stick he barely even saw. No wonder Logan’s classified as clumsy, Patton can’t even walk in these glasses and he’s been using them less than an hour. How could Logan? Patton looks up from his feet to the woods they were about to trek through. There’s no way he’s going to make it without falling. He looks at Logan, who’s waiting patiently for him. He doesn’t want the boy to figure out that it’s the glasses so he comes up with a better idea. “Hey, Logan, do you think I could hold your hand? Seems I’m much clumsier than I thought and I don’t want to hurt myself walking with you guys.”
Logan nods and grabs Patton’s hand tightly. “I will not let you trip, Mr. Sanders.”
~~~~~~
The hour flies by, Logan excitedly talking for almost every minute of it. He tells them about all the plants they encounter, both Roman and Patton making sure to ask him questions that relate to the topic. Patton unable to get enough of Logan darting ahead to point something out only to come back to Patton and Roman and drag them over. By the end of the hour, they all feel more comfortable with each other and Patton’s sure Logan’s their child. Of course, that makes saying goodbye even harder.
They’re back at the park bench, Ana sitting and semi-pretending to not be listening to their conversation. Roman and Patton standing side by side, Logan’s hand still tightly in Patton’s own.
“Do you think…if it’s ok, that…I mean I really liked…” Logan stammers nervously. He knows he needs to let go of Mr. Sanders’ hand. Mr. Albertson would be cross if he was late and if he keeps dawdling, he will be. Normally letting go of someone’s hands wouldn’t be such a problem. Logan doesn’t like to hold adults’ hands, he is too grownup for that, but holding Mr. Sanders’ seems different. He doesn’t look at Patton though, keeping his eyes on the ground.
Patton smiles softly. “I had a wonderful time today,” he says surprised at how Logan is struggling to find words. He’d been so talkative. “You taught me so much.”
Logan blushes. He likes Patton and Roman, a lot. No adult’s ever been so kind to him before. Maybe…maybe they’d want to adopt him? He mentally admonishes himself. Of course, they wouldn’t. He is not good enough for them. He is clumsy and self-centered. He knows this for a fact because Mr. Albertson tells him every day. It would only be a matter of time before the Sanders saw that and didn’t like him. He feels a gentle hand in his hair, and a slight ruffle. He looks up and sees Roman smiling at him.
“You made science fun today,” Roman says, “I promise to fix those glasses for you and have them back to you by…oh, how’s Monday?”
Logan nods. Maybe they liked him? To want to see him in just three days, they had to like him! He feels a slight jump in his heart. “I have school unti—”
“Mr. Sanders, I’m much too busy on Monday,” Ana says, shaking her head. She stands, pulling out her phone and scrolling through her calendar. “There’d be no one to ensure Logan’s safety.”
Disappointment hits Logan like a pound of bricks.
“We can always visit him or pick him up from his home,” Patton offers, as Logan pulls his hand away. Patton knows they’re breaking rules but Logan needs them, can’t Ana see that?
“I’m sorry, this has to be done by proper channels. I can do three weeks from now at 4pm. We will meet here. It was so wonderful seeing you guys,” Ana replies as she begins walking away. As much as she wants to and as well as this went, she can’t do anything that would put their future together in jeopardy, “Come on Logan, we have to go.”
Logan nods again, this time much more somberly. He looks back at Patton and sees sadness. Maybe he is worried about his glasses? Logan surges forward and hugs him tightly, his face tucked just under Patton’s chin. He doesn’t want Patton to be sad and in all the stories he read, people who hugged weren’t sad. “You do not have to worry, Mr. Sanders, I will keep your glasses safe and I will take the best care of them.”
“I know you will, kiddo,” Patton says his voice only cracking slightly. He can’t cry in front of Logan but he doesn’t want to let him go. This sweet, intelligent, deserving little boy is going to go back to a foster parent who is doing the bare minimum. Not to mention, he couldn’t even see him for another 3 weeks.
Logan pulls back and hugs Roman as well, his face coming mid-chest on the taller Sanders.
“Until next time, petite professor,” Roman replies.
Patton and Roman watch as Logan’s led away before walking back to their car in silence. Patton makes it to the parking lot before he yanks the glasses off his face and cries softly.
“Aw, Pat. Don’t worry, that went absolutely amazing! Ana has seen how spectacular we would be with the tiny prince and will be calling us in da—”
“He’s our son, Ro,” Patton chokes, looking down at the glasses, “Ours, I just know he is. An—and his foster families won’t give him clothes that fit, or glasses to see out of. They’ve ruined his self-esteem…you heard how he talks about himself. And Ana…they’re not abusing him so she can’t take him until we do all that paperwork…” Patton wipes his eyes. “We have to bring him home as fast as we can. We—we can’t let those monsters hurt him anymore. We’re his parents.”
Roman wraps his arms around Patton, letting him cry into his shoulder. Getting a child has been such a trying experience for them and for Patton it’s been extra hard. He’s always wanted a child and being a day care teacher only intensified those desires. Roman’s watched Patton crumble and lose a piece of himself every time a surrogate backed out or an adoption fell through. He’s tried his best to help Patton pick up the pieces but he doesn’t know how much will be left to pick up if this thing with Logan falls through. He kisses his forehead. “Of course, we are. The second you lied about having glasses in the car and me fixing things, I knew he was our destiny…”
“There’s no way h-he can see out of these,” Patton explains his words muffled by Roman’s fashionably tan coat, “H-he’s so amazing, so smart, so kind even though he’s been in the system for s-so long. I would’ve given him a-anything he needed. How can they look at him and ignore his needs?”
“I’m not sure, but it matters not my dashing damsel in distress. We will bring him home and we will all live happily ever after. Just you wait and see.”
~~~~~~
That night, laying in his bed while his siblings watched Cinderella for the 17th time, Logan looks closely at glasses in his hands. The T.V.’s lights flicker against it, illuminating the small name brand engraved on the sides. What are the chances Mr. Sanders would have the same glasses? That he would offer them to him only minutes after meeting Logan? Logan’s eyes drift to the small T.V., watching as the prince slips the shoe over her foot. It would be silly to relate to a fairytale, a cartoon, but it wasn’t completely absurd. After all, Logan had Mr. Sanders’ glasses and they had to meet again for him to give them back. Not to mention, Mr. Sanders had said that he plays a prince very often on stage and even called Logan a princeling…
Logan pulls the glasses to his chest and closes his eyes. It’s the closest thing to a stuffed toy he’s ever had and holding it fills him with a comfortable warmth. He knows he promised Mr. Sanders he’d put them far away when he slept, but just for tonight, he’s going to hold onto them and the hope they inspire.