Chapter Text
Lena would have never done this. Would have never thought about doing this. But Lori’s been asking questions, and she doesn’t want to be the kind of mother that simply brushes off her daughter’s inquiries. Especially since said inquiries have turned into requests.
It’s not that she doesn’t want Lori to meet her other mother. It’s just that Lena and Kara have long since parted ways, and keeping both entities separate is simply an attempt on her part to make sure that her daughter’s heart doesn’t get broken. She simply doesn’t want Lori getting ideas about having a complete family. Not after what Kara did to her. No. There’s no chance to be given, no matter how hard she knows her daughter might plead. She would consider letting Lori meet Kara, letting her spend time with her. But all on her terms. She’ll be the one calling the shots this time.
A sleek black car is already waiting for Lena when she exits the hotel. She’s only staying in National City for a week, so it’s best that she gets it over and done with. Leaving Lori in their hotel room with Sam, Lena thinks that it would be best if she seeks out Kara first, knowing that it would be less of a mess to firstly tell Kara that they have a child together instead of presenting her with said child without preamble. She opens the car door and gets inside.
“CatCo, please.”
She doesn’t realize that she’s buzzing with anxiety until the car comes to a full stop in front of the massive building. What am I doing here? She asks herself, thinking that she shouldn’t have come at all. It’s been seven years. Would Kara really care? Would Kara even talk to her? Lena feels a searing pain in her chest when she asks herself those questions. Once upon a time, she knew exactly who Kara was to be able to answer those questions by herself. But then Kara left without a word and suddenly Lena didn’t know her anymore.
“Ma’am,” the driver speaks up, bringing Lena out of her reverie. She looks out of the tinted window. Takes in the tall building with the stock knowledge that Kara is somewhere inside of it.
“Yes. Thank you,” she says and then she’s sliding out of the car and striding chin-raised inside of CatCo.
No matter what her feelings are for Kara, Lena knows that they’re of no importance. She’s doing this for her daughter. Because she loves her daughter. Because her daughter deserves to know who her other mother is, even if her other mother doesn’t deserve the reciprocity. So, Lena steels herself and continues the trip up the executive floor where Catherine Grant’s office is. She isn’t entirely sure if Kara is still Cat’s personal assistant, but Kara’s Facebook bio does mention that she still works for the older woman.
She’s walking out of the elevator when she recognizes a familiar face. It’s Eve on the front desk.
“Lena, oh god. I didn’t think I’d see you again,” she says, circling the desk and offering Lena a half-hug. Lena reciprocates.
“I didn’t think I would either. But I’m here to see Kara. For business, of course.”
“Right. Of course.”
“Is she here?”
“She’s here in the building. But she’s not on this floor.”
That confuses Lena. “What do you mean?”
“Oh, she’s not Cat’s assistant anymore. She’s been promoted to being a reporter.”
A reporter. A spark of pride makes itself known somewhere inside of Lena’s chest. It’s what Kara always dreamt of becoming. Suddenly, unbidden memories of Kara and Lena curled up in Kara’s bed talking about their dreams come crashing in Lena’s mind. She remembers it so vividly that it almost breaks her heart. They were still so young then. So in love. So naive.
“Do you want me to call her?” Eve asks. If she notices the way that Lena softens when she tells her about Kara’s new job, she doesn’t mention it and Lena’s grateful for that.
“Yes. That would be lovely. Thank you.”
Eve gestures to a couch in the waiting area before she circles back to her desk. Lena takes a seat, runs her speech over and over again in her head. She’s prepared for this very moment for quite some time now, so she thinks that she’s ready. But the sight of Kara as she strides out the elevator still knocks the wind off her lungs. She hears her heart break all over again, and Lena is suddenly taken back to when she was younger, to a time when she cried herself to sleep because Kara isn’t picking up, because Kara suddenly doesn’t want to see her anymore. Lena has to restrain herself from crying because god, it’s been seven years but it’s all crashing down on her now and it still hurts. Not as much as it did all those years ago. No. But it still does. Kara is still the love of her life, after all. Even Sam knows that.
“Lena?”
She still sounds the same, Lena briefly thinks, and then she abruptly banishes the thought. She’s here for Lori. She’s only here for Lori.
“Kara. Good to see you again,” she says in a tone that means business.
Lena can see the emotions swirling in Kara’s eyes and it cuts right through her that she can still read the other woman as clear as day. But they aren’t here for anything other than Lori, Lena reminds herself. There’s nothing else to talk about but her daughter.
“I didn’t know you were back in town.”
“Yes, well, I didn’t have much time to prepare, let alone tell you that we were coming over.”
“We?”
Lena straightens herself. “We need to talk.”
The silence that follows after Lena tells Kara about Lori is a little overwhelming, but Lena gives Kara the time to digest it all. A seven year old daughter isn’t exactly easy information to process, especially since Kara has no prior knowledge about her.
Lena watches as Kara removes her glasses. As she runs a hand down her face. There are visible bags under her eyes that make Lena’s chest bloom with warmth, knowing that those stemmed from Kara’s sleepless nights of working on a story. All these years and Lena still knows Kara’s work ethic like she knows her own. And then Kara’s face crumples, and the warmth in Lena’s chest turns into white hot anger.
“Seven years. You never called to tell me about her?”
“How dare you? May I remind you that you’re the one who left without so much as a word. You don’t get to berate me on this.”
They’re at Noonan’s which means that Lena can’t yell, can’t release all the anger that she’s pent-up over the years. She’s still a Luthor. Her name and her picture still hang on the walls of National City’s L-Corp Headquarters. The last thing she needs is a scandal of her slapping Kara out of her wits. It wouldn’t help her image. And Lori wouldn’t be too happy about it either. So she refrains from letting her hands fly, and instead laces her words with as much venom as she can muster.
“Do not preach to me about secrets, Kara. You’re the one who disappeared on me, so you don’t get to lecture me. I’m the one who gets to say when you meet my daughter. Be thankful I’m even letting you meet her after what you did to me.”
Kara visibly winces, and Lena knows that she’s hit the right mark. She doesn’t want to talk about it, but if Kara wants to bring up old wounds then so be it. Lena isn’t the one who fucked up.
“I’m sorry,” Kara deflates. “I’m just totally overwhelmed right now.”
“That doesn’t give you the right to blow up at me. And it isn’t like I never tried to tell you about her,” she says and it breaks her heart all over again. She did try to tell Kara. She did everything that she could.
“What?”
“I followed you everywhere, didn’t I? I went to CatCo. I went to your apartment. You knew that. You were right there to ask someone else to ask me to leave because you wouldn’t see me.”
Lena sees the weight of her words crash on Kara then. Sees the realization dawn upon her. The way that she begins to recall images of her old self not wanting to see Lena for whatever self-imposed reasons that she used to have. And then Lena sees them, the guilt and the shame, beginning to loom over Kara like a shadow. It turns her sick and pallid. It was her fault. Of course it was her fault.
“I’m so sorry Lena,” Kara says and it’s so small and so pure, and so sincerely said that it breaks Lena’s heart all over again. She’s dreamt of this for so long, Kara finally apologizing. Seven years and she finally has it, but it isn’t like what she imagined at all. In her head, the sorry makes everything all right. The sorry makes her forget what had happened and forgive Kara for all of her mistakes. It would be bittersweet, but it would be enough for Lena to consider patching things up and maybe starting all over again. But that’s a distant dream now. No matter how irreplaceable Kara is in her life, Lena doesn’t think that she’ll ever be able to do something to make her completely forgive her. Not after everything. Call her implacable, but nothing can change Lena’s mind.
“It’s too late for that now,” Lena responds. She sees the way that Kara winces when she says it, but Lena’s nothing if not honest.
There’s a bout of silence that hangs over them. It’s torturous and filled with so much tension with all of the words that they want to say to each other. Words that are either inappropriate to say or too late now to share. It makes Lena uncomfortable. Kara, sensing the unease between them, thankfully steers the conversation to the main point of their reunion.
“So, Lori…”
Lena visibly relaxes. She offers Kara a small smile. “Yes, Lori.”
“Can you tell me about her?”
They agree to meet-up again after Kara gets off from work. Lena is back in the hotel, nursing a glass of wine while she waits for the time to wake Lori up from her afternoon nap. She is pouring her third glass when she feels strong hands rest upon her shoulders, slowly massaging them until she feels herself relax. She looks up and sees the familiar face of Samantha Arias smiling down at her like a steady beacon of light.
“You really need to ease up,” Sam jokes, letting go of Lena’s shoulders to circle around the couch and take a seat beside the other woman.
Lena finds herself chuckling a little, “I know. I just can’t help but feel nervous.”
“About what?”
“About what might happen when they meet. Either it goes terribly wrong, or it goes horribly right.”
“How would it be horrible if it goes well?”
“Lori might want to see Kara more often,” Lena confesses with a sad sigh. “I just-I’m not sure I’m willing to share her.”
Sam’s hands are quick to find Lena’s. She gives them a gentle squeeze. “Hey. That’s the whole reason we’re here, right? For Lori to meet Kara?”
“Yeah, I know. And I don’t want to be selfish. But what if I’m not good at sharing?”
“You shared her with me,” Sam says softly, her lips quirking at the corners. Lena turns a little pink. Three years together and Lena’s heart still beats a little louder whenever she’s around Sam. Sam who is tall and smart and beautiful. Sam who is kind and gentle and loving.
“It’s different,” she whispers.
Sam smiles understandingly. “Hey, Lena. I know what you mean, okay? I understand. But just because Kara hurt you in the past doesn’t mean that she’s going to do the same to Lori. I get that you’re just being cautious, I do. You’re a great mother like that. But you have to give Kara a chance.”
The words make their way towards Lena heart. Sam always knows what to say, what she needs to hear. She’s right of course. Lena knows that she’s just scared that Kara might hurt Lori the way that she hurt her, but Lena also knows that with Lori she needs to give Kara a clean slate. It would be selfish and unfair to do otherwise.
“You’re allowed to be careful, but don’t let that stop you from being open.”
“You’re right,” Lena says, squeezing Sam’s hands back.
“I always am, aren’t I?”
Lena chuckles, bringing Sam’s knuckles up to her lips.
Sam pulls her closer after that, wrapping an arm around her waist while her other hand strokes gently on Lena’s face.
“Do you want me to come with you?”
“No, darling, I’ll be fine. We both will be. Will you wait for us to get back?”
Sam leans forward, kissing Lena’s forehead with so much tenderness. “Always.”
They meet up at a restaurant called the Family Pancake House, a decision that both Lena and Kara agree to after Lena mentions Lori’s love for breakfast food. It’s a new place, fairly new as it had just started operations the year before -which, for Lena, means that it holds no ties between her and her ex-girlfriend. It’s a good place for a new start, Lena thinks. At least it does with regards to Lori.
The place is quite large, filled with booths and tables and chairs. The smell of pancake mix and coffee readily assault Lena and Lori as they enter the restaurant, and Lena immediately spots Kara seated on one of the booths beside the window. She expertly makes her way towards her with Lori in tow.
“Kara.”
“Hi,” the blonde greets Lena first, and then her eyes fall upon the little girl hiding behind Lena’s leg. Kara knows at first glance that Lori is hers. Without a doubt. She has her eyes, the same blue, ocean-like orbs, peeking beneath long lashes. Lena watches as Kara gently lowers herself, feels Lori squirm a little behind her leg.
“Hi. I’m Kara.”
Kara waits, until finally Lori reveals more than half of her face. She’s tall, and pale, and lean. She has Lena’s jet black hair and sharp features. Everything about her is mostly Lena’s. But her eyes. They’re unmistakably hers.
“Hello,” Lori says shyly. “I’m Lorelei.”
Lena watches the interaction unfold, feeling her heart grow and break as she observes the way that Lori slowly begins to open up to her other mother. It starts out small, like Lori stepping out from behind her leg, and then Lori extending her hand to shake Kara’s own. She watches as Kara laughs, already in tears as she looks at the daughter that Lena knows Kara wishes that she raised.
It’s what Lena used to dream of. Kara and Lori together. Her in the middle. A picture of a family.
“Do you want to take a seat, Lori?”
“Yes please.”
Lori climbs up the leather chair and slides in to the corner. Lena sits beside her. Kara across them.
“So, Lori, wanna tell me something about yourself?” Kara asks as a waiter appears to hand them their menus.
Lori seems to think about Kara’s proposition, and then she answers, “I’m sure my Mom already told you about me, so why don’t you tell me about yourself instead. It’s why I’m here anyway.”
The flabbergasted look on Kara’s face is enough to send Lena in a fit of controlled giggles. She covers a hand above her mouth as she stifles herself from laughing too much. Lori only gives them a look.
“You’re definitely your mother’s daughter,” Kara mumbles. She turns to Lena, “Was all that shyness from, like, two minutes ago just a ruse?”
“No, Lori was simply sizing you up,” Lena answers amusedly.
“I see. Well, she definitely gets that from you.”
Lena raises a manicured brow, “Wait ‘til she orders, and you’ll see where you come in the picture.”
Lena would have never done this. Would have never thought about doing this. But she won’t pretend that this isn’t one of the best decisions she’s ever made for Lori. Lori, laughing and enjoying her afternoon with Kara. Lori, challenging Kara to an ice cream eating contest, and winning because Kara let her. Lori, beautiful and heartbreakingly happy.
They’re taking a stroll in the park. Lori is flanked by her two mothers, a hand holding Lena while her other one is stuffed inside her dress pocket. Lena absentmindedly looks at Kara, whose own hands are stuffed inside her jeans. She smiles at the similarity.
She’s always seen so much of Kara in Lori. It used to break her, how much she sees the woman who broke her heart in the little girl who grew it back. She used to cry whenever she would look at Lori’s eyes, only to have the little girl stare back at her with Kara’s blue ones. It was a difficult time, one that Lena went through with strength and grace. And now she’s here, walking alongside her daughter and her daughter’s other mother. Attempting to patch things up and make amends because Lori deserves more people who love her. Lena smiles to herself, unaware of the turmoil that is to come.