Archive of Our Own

Adam clenches his hands into fists in an attempt to get himself to stop fidgeting.  Every few seconds he catches sight of a phantom piece of lint or dirt dusting his suit, and his sleeves keep riding up higher than he thinks they should, whispering on the edge of his bony wrists.  At least he hasn’t started to feel like his tie is choking him yet, but the day is still young. His interview was supposed to start 6 minutes ago, and each second is a battle to stop from scuffing his worn dress shoes against the linoleum floor.

His professor had suggested the suit: apparently Declan Lynch prefers all possible employees to interview in the highest degree of business formal, even if they’re just interviewing for the job of glorified babysitter.

Adam would never have found this job on his own.  He doesn’t know anything about Ronan Lynch, except that he is apparently part of a band and has self-destructive tendencies paired with an alcohol problem.  One of the other members of the band had called Professor Mallory, saying that Declan wanted a “personal assistant” of sorts to tour with them for the summer and keep Ronan out of trouble and asking if Mallory possibly knew anyone that would be a good fit.  Apparently Mallory had suggested Adam, because he suddenly got a call from someone named Gansey to set up an interview with Declan Lynch. 

It isn’t a bad offer, all things considered.  Sure, Adam probably should be looking for summer jobs and internships with more connections to his major if he wants to get a job right after graduation, but the pay is good, really good, and it solves Adam’s dilemma of having to find a place to stay for the summer.  Summer leasing in college towns is always expensive, and Adam doesn’t have the time needed to work full hours as well as take classes, so getting a summer job on campus and staying there is out of the question.  If he gets the job from Declan, he’ll have his own spot in the tour bus and hotel rooms for free. It wouldn’t be much, but Adam is used to not much.

He’s interrupted from his thoughts by the entrance of two boys around his age, one of them rushing and dragging the other by his arm.  The one in the lead approaches the secretary, and she immediately meet his gaze with a smile. The boy draws attention, not just because of the teal polo shirt and boat shoes, although those certainly help.  He has an air of ancient respect around him despite the obvious youth in his face and energy and the boyish way he pushes his glasses back up his nose when they started to slip.

Adam looks at the other boy, the one dressed in all black with a shaved head.  He can see the hint of a tattoo peeking out from under his muscle shirt, but the design doesn’t look like anything he can name.  The boy turns, his hard eyes meeting Adam’s, and a snake-like smile spreads across his mouth. Adam looks away first.

This must be Ronan Lynch.

“Can we go in now?  Sorry we’re late. We ran into traffic,” the ancient boy says.  His accent has the lilt and smoothness that comes from old Virginia money, and Adam is suddenly reminded of the people who would pass through his speck of a hometown in fancy cars and expensive sunglasses.  He’s gotten pretty good at hiding his rural accent unless he’s overly tired or upset, and he makes a note to ensure he fully does so in this interview.

“Or I didn’t want to come,” Ronan says.  He sounds less like old money and more like he’s telling the truth and doesn’t want to be there.

“You can head on in, everything is ready.  Take Mr. Parrish with you,” the secretary responds.  The other boy turns around, only now noticing that Adam has been sitting in a chair, trying not to take up space.  He walks the few steps over to him and holds out his hand, showing a smile that the sun would be jealous of.

“You must be Adam!  I’m Gansey. We spoke over the phone, if you recall.”

“I do.  It’s nice to meet you in person,” he replies, accepting the handshake.  Ronan snorts, and Adam narrows his eyes at him.

He knew Ronan was going to be difficult, he wasn’t expecting things to be this antagonistic from the start.  If he gets the job, it might be more of a battle than he anticipated.

“This is Ronan, although you probably picked up on that already,” Gansey says.

“Hello,” Adam greets.  Ronan looks at him with vague disinterest.

“So, you want to be my babysitter.”

“Ronan,” Gansey admonishes.

“If you think you need a babysitter, then sure.  Otherwise I’ll just stick to being a personal assistant.”

Ronan remains stony, his eyes calculating.  Adam stares right back levely. Gansey pauses like he’s waiting for something to happen, then splits into another million dollar smile instead.

“Come along, then.  Declan’s waiting!” He turns and starts walking towards an office, and Adam has no choice but to follow.

The man sitting behind the desk in the office is obviously very wealthy, very in charge, and very used to getting his way.  He’s traditionally handsome in a way that Ronan could be if he was softer around the edges, and dressed in a gray 3-piece suit that fits him like a glove.  He has cufflinks. Adam can’t see his shoes under the desk, but he knows that they are incredibly shiny, with no blemishes. Not a single hair is out of place on his head.  This man has an air of importance that Adam is hungry for.

One day, he will look as comfortable in a tailored suit and behind a desk.  For now, the sight of Declan makes him want to pull the cuffs of his own suit down a bit again, but he refuses to allow himself to fidget.

“Gansey!  I see you managed to drag my brother here.”  Declan nods at the other boy, but doesn’t spare a glance at Ronan before turning his attention to Adam.  The brief once-over he gets is more terrifying than appearing in court when he was 17, but Declan’s face doesn’t reveal anything and his tone is pleasant when he extends a hand.

“You must be Mr. Parrish.”

“Adam, if you prefer,” he replies, taking his hand and being mindful of the firmness of his grip.

“Have a seat,” Declan says, so Adam does.  Gansey pulls out another seat on the same side as Declan and gestures to an open chair for Ronan, but Ronan shakes his head and crosses his arms, standing silently.

“You have a recommendation from Professor Mallory,” Declan says, glancing down at a paper on his desk.  “He says you’re diligent and don’t need someone to hold your hand, along with having a relatively calm temperament.  How much do you know about Ronan? I don’t want you going into his job with misconceptions.”

Ronan snorts and glares daggers at the back of Declan’s head.

“Only what Gansey initially told me,” he answers.  “I don’t normally have time to follow celebrity gossip.”

“Do you drink at all?”

“No.”

“Not even casually?” Declan asked.  Adam glances at Ronan, who is looking more stormy by the second.  “Part of the job is to ensure that Ronan remains sober, so this is important.”

“I don’t need a fucking sober companion,” Ronan bites.

“This was our agreement.  You either let us hire someone to try to keep you out of trouble, or you don’t go on the tour,” Declan says, his voice calm but his face betraying his irritation.

“It wasn’t an agreement, it was an ultimatum.  I didn’t agree to anything.”

“Ronan,” Gansey says, hands up in a pacifying gesture.

“Do you have a death wish, Ronan?” Declan asks, his voice rising slightly.  He stands and faces Ronan, who has shifted positions from arms crossed to clenched fists.  Declan is just barely taller than Ronan still, but neither party looks intimidated. “Is that what you want?  For one of us, for Matthew to find you dead somewhere, just like you found--”

“This is nothing like Dad!  Dad was murdered with a fucking tire iron, leave him out of this!”

“Dad was the cause of this.  You weren’t messed up before.”

“Declan, seriously--” Gansey tries.

“I’m handling it,” Ronan growls, his voice dropping low and dangerous.

“How?  But becoming an alcoholic and pulling away from all of us?  God, you’re just like him, the same--”

Ronan punches Declan.  Dimly, even as he’s rushing to the other side of the desk to help Gansey pull them apart, Adam is shocked that they would come to blows in a professional environment with a possible employee in the room, but he supposes that if he gets this job, he’d be breaking up similar fights a lot.

Gansey shoves himself between the brothers, facing Delcan and attempting to block any more blows.  Adam uses his slim frame to insert himself in the gap between Ronan and Gansey. Ronan has the advantage of about an inch, but Adam uses his surprise to swiftly walk Ronan backwards until his back hits the wall with a dull thud and to pin him there with an arm across his chest.

“Are you done?” Adam askes.  Ronan bares his teeth in a snarl.

“Ask Declan.”

In the back of his mind, filing the thought away to explore later, Adam notices that Ronan’s eyes are very blue from this close.

Adam turns to where Declan is smoothing out the sleeves of his suit, Gansey between them and looking a bit awestruck.

“Thank you, Adam,” Declan says, his voice too pleasant for someone who has just been attacked by his brother.

“Shut up,” Adam says.  “What is wrong with you, antagonizing him like that, in front of a stranger, no less?  Were you trying to start a fist-fight right here in your office? You earned the punch he got in.”

Declan’s face turns stony, then starts growing red, and Adam feels dread collect like a weight in his stomach.  He isn’t usually one to talk back to authority figures, so it figures that the one time his true thoughts slip out is the one time he can’t afford to let them.  He surely just blew this interview. He is going to be without shelter or money for the summer.

“You’re hired.”

Adam looks back at Ronan in surprise.  So does, it seems, everyone else.

“What?” 

“What?”

“I’m sorry, I’m hired?” Adam asks, taking his arm back.  Ronan straightens up and crosses his arms.

“You’re hired.  No one has talked to my brother like that in a while, and they’ll just find someone worse if we let you go.  You’re the best option so far. Might as well hire you.”

Adam blinks at Ronan, then turns and blinks at Gansey and Declan.

“I approve,” Gansey says.  “Come on, Declan. He’s the only one Ronan has even partially shown any positive feeling towards, and you know he’ll just fight harder if you turn Adam loose.”

Declan heaves a sigh that sounds like it’s being dragged up from the very bottom of his feet.

“Congratulations, Mr. Parrish.  It seems you’ve gotten yourself a job.”

-/-

Meeting the rest of the band is arguably more stressful than going in for the interview.  Adam knows how to act in interviews: he knows how to be polite and smile and nod and talk up his work ethic and say “yes, sir,” and “thank you, ma’am.”  This is different. He’s meeting people his age who he will be spending a lot of time with for the next months and who Ronan is very close to. Not only does Adam want them to get along, he needs them to get along, or the summer is going to be torture for everyone.

After the interview and his immediate hire, Adam had exchanged contact information with Gansey and Declan.  Ronan, unfortunately, refused to use his phone, but Gansey gave him the number for it anyway. Adam isn’t sure what he would do with it even if Ronan were to answer.  

He and Declan had a telephone meeting one afternoon following his classes in order to go over the details of his employment such as exact time commitment (the band heads out for the tour just after finals end,  but he needs to start integrating himself into the group before then), exact payment (something that would have taken Adam a full year to earn at Boyd’s Auto Body in his small hometown), and what exactly his duties would be ( make sure Ronan doesn’t drink, make sure he doesn’t get in any fights, make sure he knows his schedule and actually shows up to events, preferably on time, make sure he eats, for the love of all things, make sure he gets some rest.  He’s relatively self-sufficient but keep an eye out because he’ll try to shake you. Also keep him as far away from a guy named Kavinsky as possible. )  Besides that, there has been no other contact from Declan.  Gansey is the one who set up the meeting with the band, texting a few times with small talk since the interview.

The rest of the band, Adam finds out from the internet, consists of Noah Czerny and Blue Sargent, with Henry Cheng as a touring member.  He also discovers that Gansey’s first name is actually Richard, and that Ronan’s father had been brutally murdered and Ronan was the one to find him dead in the driveway, sparking his swift decent into destructive behavior until he crashed headfirst into rock bottom.  There was also a small stint in rehab before he left the facility (or was kicked out according to some sources) in order to go back to the band, who were writing their second album and going on a promotional tour of South America with another band on their label.

The media had a field day with the story.  The Raven King had been a breakout success with their first album and been nominated for Best New Artist at the Grammys, so the tragedy that hit Ronan and his subsequent fall from grace was documented, exaggerated, and exploited.  Adam can definitely understand why his job is necessary, not just for Ronan’s benefit, but for the public image of the band as a whole. The murder of Nial Lynch occurred right before the release of the first album, so Ronan plummeted during the tour, when the band was still being thrust into the spotlight.  This album and tour is their chance to move beyond that.

No pressure.

Anyone would understand why Adam has some trepidation about going to dinner with the band two weeks before finals.

Originally, Gansey had offered his own place that he shared with Ronan and Noah as the meeting place, but after a quiet scuffle on the other side of the phone he remarked that it may be best to go somewhere more neutral, and there was a great pizza place that they knew and loved.  After making the trek from campus to a town called Henrietta that reminds him too much of his own hometown to be comfortable, Adam hopes that Nino’s has some darn good pizza, because he’s starving and a bit cranky that this is something that had to be done when he should probably be studying.

The place has an old fashioned diner feel with red seats and a black and white checkered floor.  The second he walks through the door Gansey launches himself out of a vinyl booth to greet him. It takes Adam a second of staring at his outstretched fist before he realizes the other boy wants a fist bump.

“It’s so good to see you again!” Gansey exclaims, and Adam is taken aback by how quickly Gansey warmed up to him.

“Good to see you, too,” he replies, and Gansey wastes no time dragging him over to a round corner booth that holds the rest of the band.

“Everyone, this is Adam Parrish.”

“Hi Adam,” everyone except Ronan choruses in erie synchronicity.  Gansey slides in to the booth, and Adam gingerly follows.

“You have to try the iced tea.  It’s amazing,” Gansey gushes, sliding a pitcher over to him.

“Let him sit down first, jeez,” the only girl at the table scoffs.  She sticks her hand across Gansey for a handshake.

“Blue Sargent, bass.”

The pictures on Wikipedia hadn’t quite done her justice.  Her black hair is only partially tamed by a multitude of colorful hair clips, and something about her face keeps drawing Adam’s attention, although he can’t place what it is.  He also can’t see her full outfit, but the top of it seems to include layers and strange, strategic tears.

“Nice to meet you,” he replies.  Before either of them can say anything else, however, another hand is shoved in his face, this one belonging to an Asian boy with spiky hair that is lunging across the table to get close enough for a handshake.

“Henry Cheng, keyboard and other assorted instruments.  As of this album I’m an official member, not just a touring member, but that hasn’t been announced to our adoring fans yet.”

“Great,” Adam says before looking at the next person, who just waves due to distance.

“Noah Czerny, drums,” he says.  He has bright eyes, messy blond hair, and a weird coloration on his cheek that Adam doesn’t know what to make of.

“You’ve already met Ronan and I, so that’s the entire band,” Gansey says.  “We can have you meet the crew before the tour, too, if you want.”

“That would be nice, if possible,” Adam replies before taking a sip of his iced tea.

The next hour is a flurry of questions and information, only paused for a minute when the pizza arrives (Gansey apologizes for ordering without him, but there is a large enough variety that he doesn’t mind that much).  Adam finds out many interesting tidbits of information, like that their manager is dating Blue’s mother, who happened to be a psychic. Other interesting pieces of information include that Henry has an intense, unshakable love for Madonna, all of the boys knew each other from school and met Blue when she was working as a waitress at Nino’s and Gansey accidentally compared her to a prostitute (a story which makes Gansey groan and put his head in his hands, leaving his ears a nice shade of red despite his tan complexion), and Ronan has a pet raven named Chainsaw who he raised since she was a chick.

Ronan doesn’t actually say anything during the meal: Gansey introduced Chainsaw during a retelling of one of their searches for the dead Welsh king whose name they used for the title of their first album.  His fingers only stop drumming on the table impatiently to subtly nudge Noah’s arm while Blue and Gansey debate something to do with tea and mint that Adam has lost track of. Ronan stares at the other boy for a long moment until Noah picks up a piece of pizza and takes a bite.  Ronan watches him chew and swallow before going back to his own food. Noah had been so animated while talking that Adam failed to noticed him only picking at his food, not eating it.

They ask Adam plenty of questions, too, such as what he is studying (pre-law), what kind of music he likes (no real preference), and what his parents think of him touring with a band for the summer (to which he replies that his parents didn’t have an opinion on what he does and to which the band thankfully didn’t pry).

Conversation flows easier than he thought it would.  The band obviously gets along like a house fire, but it’s surprisingly painless for Adam to jump in at times or be brought into the conversation at others.  Gansey nudges his arm a few times, and the contact is... nice. The band is not only comfortable with each other, but seem to be comfortable with other people as well.  At least with Adam.

The lunch is going so well that Adam doesn’t realize how fast time is passing until Gansey glances at his (expensive, designer) watch and yelps.

“What?” Blue asks.

“We were supposed to meet with your mom half an hour ago.”

Blue digs through Gansey’s pockets and pulls out his phone.  Gansey doesn’t even glance at it, looking at Blue’s face for her reaction as she checked his notifications instead.

“Huh,” Blue says.  “That’s probably why Mr. Gray called 4 times.”

She glances up and doesn’t move away, even though Gansey’s face is less than 6 inches from hers.  Adam, for a second, feels like he’s looking at something private.

“Hey, Adam,” Noah says, breaking the tension around the table, “do you want to come with?  Maura and Mr. Gray won’t mind if you tag along. You’ll get to meet them now rather than later.”

“That’s a wonderful idea!” Gansey says, his face lighting up.  Adam, for an inexplicable reason, glances at Ronan.

If looks could kill, he probably would be dead.  Glares from Ronan Lynch look more like a gun being held in his face.  Distantly, his textbooks call for attention.

“Actually, I have some things that need to get done before tomorrow, so I’m going to have to pass.  Thank you for the offer, though.”

“Of course,” Gansey says.  “Have we kept you for too long?”

“No, not too long,” Adam replies.  “I just should probably be getting back soon.”

Ronan relaxes a fraction, just enough that if Adam hasn’t been subtly watching him the whole time he wouldn’t have noticed.

“I would like to talk to Ronan for a moment, though,” he announces.  Ronan tenses again.

Interesting. 

“Alright.  I’ll take care of the bill.  It should be on Declan’s account.” 

“Whoo,” says Blue halfheartedly.

“Alright, Parrish,” Ronan says, speaking for the first time that day.  Adam had almost forgotten the roughness of his voice, but it cuts through any other background noise in the diner clear as a bell.

“Let’s take this outside,” Ronan says, abruptly standing and jostling the table a bit.  Adam follows.

Outside, Henrietta even sounds like Adam’s old hometown, but softer.  The wind is gentler, rustling leaves on surrounding trees, and the crunch of gravel and dirt under their feet is different to the sound of thin soles hitting hard pavement.

“Well?” Ronan demands, breaking the spell.

“I understand that you don’t like me,” Adam says.  Ronan snorts. He ignores it. “You don’t have to, but we have to find a way to make this work before the tour rolls around, or it’s going to be miserable for everyone.”

“We can make it work by you not being here,” Ronan says.

“That’s not exactly an option anymore.  You’re the one who hired me, and I’m not backing out now.  Besides, Declan will just find someone else, anyway. You’re stuck with me.  Might as well not make it torchure for yourself or the band.”

“The band seems to like you well enough,” Ronan spits.  Adam grits his teeth.

“I’m not trying to step on your toes,” he forces out.  “I’m going to do my job, but I’m not your jailer and I’m not going to force us to get along.  I don’t have the time or energy for that. But you really need to get over yourself before tour, Lynch.  If you want to be miserable, be my guest, but don’t make things harder for me or the band. Take it out on your brother, since you seem to enjoy that so much.”

Ronan rolls his eyes spectacularly.

“Fine,” he spits.  “As long as you don’t ‘step on my toes.’”

Adam has never met someone this infuriating before.

“Fine,” he replies.  He continues looking at Ronan for another moment, but when there’s no change of expression he glances back towards Nino’s.  Noah must take this as a cue that the conversation is over, as he bounds out of the restaurant and over to them.

“I’m riding with you, Ronan,” he says.  The discoloration on his cheek is highlighted in the sun, and Adam imagine what it might be from.

“Like hell you are,” Ronan says, but he doesn’t try to shrug Noah off when he presses in close to lean against him.  Ronan doesn’t strike Adam as a tactile person at all, but apparently the rest of the band is and he learned to deal.

“It was very nice to meet you, Adam,” Noah says, turning his attention towards him.  Adam nods.

“You too,” he replies.  “Lunch was great. I’m glad I got to meet everyone today.”

Noah beams.  It’s a bit like looking into the sun.

“Adam!” Gansey calls from behind him.  Adam turns to see the rest of the band filing out of the diner, Henry’s arms thrown over the shoulders of the other two.

“Thank you so much for being here today,” Gansey says.  “I know you had to take time out of your studies to join us.”

“It was my pleasure,” he replies.  The shift from friendly-Gansey to formal-Gansey catches him off guard.  Adam has always prided himself on being able to fool his surroundings into thinking he comes from more than he does.  It’s jarring to see someone who with the background to support it do the exact same thing.

“You’re pretty cool, Adam,” Blue says, reaching out for a handshake.  Seeing her outfit in full only solidifies the idea he had already formed of her in his mind: a bit eccentric, but owning it with a confidence that he envied.  It makes her seem cool and appealing, rather than off-putting.

Henry gives him a wide smile. 

“Looking forward to the tour!” he says.  Adam nods.

“We must be off.  Noah, you’re riding with Ronan?” Gansey asks.  Noah nods, Ronan rolls his eyes, and then in a flurry of conversation both parties are piled into a BMW or an orange camaro and drive off.

Adam allows himself to stare after them for a moment and wonder what he got himself into.

-/-

Storage lockers are much cheaper to rent than full rooms, so Adam loads everything he can’t bring with him into one the day before Ronan comes to pick him up.

Adam is expecting Gansey, as that was the original plan when he last had contact with anyone involved in The Raven King.  On the Saturday after finals in the late afternoon, however, it’s the black BMW that pulls up in front of campus, rather than Gansey’s orange camaro.  Ronan rolls down the window and looks at Adam silently. He already seems bored with the ordeal.

“I thought Gansey said he would be picking me up,” Adam says.

“That all you’re bringing?” Ronan asks instead of answering.  Adam glances down at his worn-out duffle and fiddles with the strap of his backpack.

“It’s not like there’s going to be much room,” he says.  “I don’t need a lot.”

The trunk of the BMW pops, and Adam puts his duffle in before spying another head through the window, surrounded by pillows and blankets on the back seats.  Adam opens the passenger seat, slips inside, and finds Noah sleeping in the back. 

“You two must get along pretty well if he’s always riding with you.”

“I’m not allowed to drive by myself,” Ronan says.

Adam stares at him for a moment and doesn’t think that he’s lying.

Maybe there are things that Declan should have told him that he forgot to.

“How long is the drive?  No one told me where we’re meeting up with the crew,” he asks instead, breaking the heavy silence that had already started to descend over the car.

“One hour.”

Adam waits to see if he’ll say anything more until asking another question.

“From there where are we going?”

Ronan sighs heavily through his nose.

“New York.  TV performance tonight.”

Before Adam can even open his mouth to say anything else, Ronan reaches for the radio and turns it on, then cranks the volume.  Adam has never heard the song before, but it’s loud and definitely doesn’t leave room for conversation in the car. He can see Noah blink his eyes open through the rearview mirror, but the other boy just shifts before closing them again.  He looks about as tired as Adam feels, which doesn’t bode well seeing as the grunt work of his job is just now starting.

The song ends and switches to another one, just as racious, so Adam props his chin on his hand and looks out the window.

They make the drive in 45 minutes, not an hour, and Adam is certain it’s because Ronan is consistently going a decent amount past the speed limit.  Still, when Adam glances at him from time to time, it’s clear that Ronan is in complete control of the car. His eyes are a bit pinched, but otherwise his body is perfectly relaxed except for the one moment when Adam glances at him to find Ronan already looking back.  In that second, Ronan turns fully back to the road and tension enters his shoulders. They don’t manage to make eye contact again during the drive.

No one talks after Adam’s initial questions, so he passes time looking out the window, looking at Ronan, and wondering why it isn’t Gansey sitting next to him as was originally planned.

Maybe Gansey or Declan thought that sticking them in a confined space together would make them bond in some way, but Ronan seems much more content to ignore his existence entirely rather than respond to any form of attempted interaction.  Adam doesn’t try to talk to him again, and the ride isn’t quite a comfortable one. By the time a tour bus comes into view, Adam is thankful that the drive is finally coming to an end, even if the sudden silence in the car from Ronan turning off the engine is jarring.

“Noah,” Ronan calls, reaching behind him to hit Noah’s leg.  The other boy startles awake.

“We’re here, get out of my car,” he says, then wrenches the door open.

“Hi Adam,” Noah says after a moment of stretching.

“Hi Noah.  Good nap?”

Noah shrugs.

“It could have been worse.  He could have played the Murder Squash song.”

Before Adam can ask for clarification, Noah steps out of the car and into the sunlight of the parking lot they’re stationed in.

Adam’s first impression of the load-in process is that it’s absolute chaos.  There are two buses, both with their cargo doors open, and Blue stands near the front directing people moving items with a loud voice.  The people moving boxes, mostly women, are responding back with voices just as loud and completely contradictory. Gansey and Henry also have things in their hands, but they seem to be more interested in racing each other to the bus than listening to anything Blue is trying to say.  A black bird circles and caws, adding to the noise until it lands on Ronan’s shoulder.

“Well, this is the crew,” Noah says, materializing beside him and making Adam startle.

“Will all of them be traveling with the band?”

Noah nods.

“They get the other bus.  Most of them live with Blue, and if she’s by some of them in a confined space for too long she boils over, but sometimes one or two of them will ride with us because they’re bored.”

One of the women spots them and smiles wide, setting down the case of equipment she’s carrying and walking over.  She has the most expansive head of golden hair that Adam has ever seen, and when she gets close enough for him to see her eyes clearly he get the impression that she isn’t so much looking at him but looking beyond him, to some corner of the universe that only she has the privilege to see.  He’s not sure what she finds there, but it seems satisfactory, and her soft smile grows wider as she approaches.

“Noah, Adam.  It’s so good to see you.”

“It’s good to see you, too,” Noah says, stepping forward and hugging the woman.  “Adam, this is Persephone. She runs sound during the shows.”

Persephone steps forward and takes both of his hands in hers, smiling sincerely.

“Adam, I’m very glad you’re here.”

“Oh.  Thank you.  I’m glad to be here,” he says, glancing at Noah’s amused smile.

“Come with me.  Let’s have you meet the others,” Persephone says, turning to head towards the bus and still clutching one of his hands.  She has a deceptively firm grip for her slight frame.

The first person that she leads him to bears such a resemblance to Blue that he almost does a double take, despite a lack of cut up clothing and colorful layers.  They share the same facial features and the same posture, although this woman is taller than Blue will probably ever be. She’s talking to the one of the only men in the group, but immediately stops to watch them approach.

“Maura, this is Adam.  Adam, this is Marua Sargent and Mr. Gray,” Persephone introduces once they’re close enough.  Maura holds out her hand to shake.

“Hello, Adam.  I’m the tour manager and Blue’s mother.”

“Pleased to meet you, Ma’am,” he says.  Her grip is also strong, and Adam figures that all of the people here will probably have firm handshakes that he should get used to.

“Just Maura is fine,” she says, offering a smile out of polite necessary.

“I’m their general manager, but I’ll be along for this tour,” Mr. Gray says.  He has a bit of a forgettable face, and his suit is almost entirely gray. Adam wonders if that’s intentional.

“Come on, Adam,” Persephone says.  “We should catch Calla now before she gets something else in her hand.”

Calla turns out to be a big woman with a loud voice.  He can’t tell if she’s actually physically big, or if just her presence is, and she doesn’t bother with trying to smile at all during their conversation.

“Calla,” Persephone calls, making her pause and turn to them, crossing her arms over her chest.  “This is Adam." 

“Ronan’s babysitter,” Calla supplies.

“Calla is in charge of lighting during shows,” Persephone says.

“Cheng!” she shouts suddenly.  Adam turns to see Henry frozen in place, a heavy black case in his hand.  “If you break that, you’ll be hitchhiking the entire tour.”

“Yes ma’am!” he calls.  “Hi Adam!”

Adam gives him a little wave.

“He’s going to pack it wrong,” Calla mutters, stomping off without another glance in their direction.

“Let’s meet the rest of the ladies, next,” Persephone says, drifting along and pulling Adam with her.

The rest of the roadies are loading equipment and bags into the bottom of the bus, so Adam meets them all at once.  Orla appears to be around their age, with acrylic nails that probably aren’t conducive to carrying equipment and large hoop earrings.  Jimi, her mother, is a shorter woman who doesn’t seem to have the time to chat to them, and Gwenllian… is something else. Adam isn’t sure if he actually understands a word she says.  Persephone, surprisingly, gives no indication that she does, either. 

By the time they leave to say hello to the driver, everything has been packed.  Noah took his duffle and put it under the bus for him when he wasn’t looking, and before he can blink he’s being corralled onto the bus with Gansey and Henry, nearly tripping over the couch placed around the corner from the door.

“Settle in,” Mr. Gray says over the noise of five other voices.  “I have information about the tour to go over with everyone.”

Adam hadn’t noticed him enter behind them, but he’s getting the impression that Mr. Gray prefers it that way.

“Come on, Adam.  We can squish in here,” Gansey says, scooching further towards Henry and leaving a small space between him and Ronan on the couch.

“Starting the bus!” the driver calls from the front.  Everything lurches forward, and Adam falls onto the couch, right into Ronan.

For a moment, everything seems to stop.  Ronan’s face is mere inches from his own, his shocked eyes a frozen blue and locked on to his.  His tongue darts out to wet his lips, and Adam doesn’t dare to breathe. 

The moment is shattered by a stray elbow from Gansey that jostles him even further forward. 

“What the fuck, Parrish?” Ronan snaps.  Adam tries to push himself back, but in doing so his hand ends up on Ronan’s thigh, and it’s a confusing untangling of limbs to get him fully upright again, although his entire left side is pressed against Ronan.  The longer he sits there, the longer he feels like it’s on fire.

“Sorry, the bus took me off guard,” he mutters, glancing at Ronan’s face.  He snorts and doesn’t answer. Adam takes a deep breath and wills himself to not blush, but the embarrassment of such a clumsy moment is hard to press down.  Thankfully, everyone is turning their attention to Mr. Gray instead of him.

“I have your itinerary right here.  We’re doing 44 shows, starting in Cincinnati on the 31st, giving us a few days for rehearsal after the TV appearance tomorrow.  There’s a week break mid-July, which I expect each of you to take advantage of. It’s easy to get burned out on such an intense tour such as this.  We end on August 10th with a performance at Madison Square Garden, then after a break--”

“Wait, hold on!” Henry says.  Adam glances over to where he’s squished on the couch, Blue in his lap and Noah sitting on the ground at his feet.

“We’re playing Madison Square Garden?  Why did no one think to tell me that we’re ending the North American leg with Madison Square Garden?  Since when are we big enough for that?” he asks.

“Since your second album debuted at number 1 on the charts with stunning critical praise,” Mr. Gray says, something almost resembling a smile on his face.  “We made a bid for the venue, but didn’t want to reveal anything until it was official. Congratulations. I’ll send the information on your website after this meeting, and pre-sale tickets will go up tomorrow.”

“Madison Square Garden,” Gansey whispers reverently.  “We’ll actually be playing Madison Square Garden!”

Blue reaches over and grabs his hand, beaming.

“Tomorrow afternoon we have filming for Late Night with Piper Greenmantle.  We’ll be stopping for dinner once we get out of the city, and will be spending the night on the bus.  One of us will bring breakfast at 9 am. At 12:30 we have rehearsals scheduled at the set. Filming begins at 3 pm, and the show will premiere tomorrow at 11:30.”

“Greenmantle?” Ronan scoffs.  “We’re playing Madison Square Garden, yet you get us on the worst late night show out there?”

“We got locked into this deal after the first album, which is something you would’ve known if you bothered to check your phone last week when the news broke.  We’ve blacklisted any questions about Niall or rehab, and her show is one of the most-viewed ones, so please don’t embarrass the entire band. They only allow so many retapings, and knowing her she won’t show any of them,” Mr. Gray says.

“We can be one-take wonders,” Blue says.  “Besides, Noah’s very good at sweet-talking.  Nothing unsavory will be remembered.”

“You say that now.  We’ll see what happens after Piper somehow creates a scandal and I have to do damage control once the tabloids start digging,” Mr. Gray says.  He snaps open a briefcase at his side and brings out six bundles of paper, distributing one to each of them.

“Here’s the general tour schedule.  More detailed schedules may be sent out later, but it’s a good idea to familiarize yourself with this version now.”

Ronan tosses his right back at Mr. Gray, hitting his chest and landing at a mess at his feet.

“Ronan,” Gansey says.

“What?” Ronan replies.  “I don’t need it. Parrish is getting paid for this.  It’s not like I used it last time, either.”

Mr. Gray sighs and picks up the papers, but doesn’t try to give them to Ronan again.

“Does anyone have any questions?” he asks instead.  After a moment of no response, he nods once.

“Meeting disbanded.  There’s a rest stop with a few food options coming up in a few minutes.  We’ll give you an hour and a half to eat and pick up anything you’ve forgotten, then I’ll leave you alone for the night.”

He moves to talk to the driver, and Noah pulls Blue off of Henry.

“I call top back bunk!” she shouts.

“Back bottom!” Gansey replies.

“Left bottom!”  Noah calls.

“Left upper!” Henry says, scrambling to get off of the couch and lurching into the bunk space.  Adam turns to Ronan.

“I take it there’s only two bunks left?”

Ronan nods.

“Do you have a preference?” he asks.  Ronan shrugs, so Adam gets up and looks at the bunk area.

The hallway between the bunks is narrow, and the bunks themselves are extremely small, with the bottom on nearly on the floor and the top one just above waist height.  Each bunk has a pocket by the pillow and a curtain that can be pulled to cover the entrance, giving an illusion of privacy. Adam puts his backpack in the bottom one on the right.

“Good choice,” Noah says behind him.  He’s already tucked into his bunk with headphones in, a worn stuffed giraffe squeezed in his arms.  Adam nods at him, then grabs the side of the bunk when the bus makes a turn.

“You’ll get used to it,” Henry says.  “Squeezing past! Food calls!”

Henry pushes past him towards the couch area, and Adam wonders exactly how he’ll survive living like this

-/-

The rocking of the bus is smoother than Adam thought, and on any other night he assumes he might even be able to find it comforting.  Tonight, though, all that it does it put him more on edge.

He knows that the band is breathing softly around him, likely lulled off to sleep long ago.  Everyone turned in earlier than he had anticipated, after a very spirited few rounds of MarioKart in the lounge earlier.  Adam washed up last, not wanting to be in anyone’s way in the cramped bathroom. It’s impossible to turn around in the bus without running into someone else.  He’s not yet used to being around so many people all the time.

Adam reaches into his bunk pocket to check his watch, squinting at the hands until he can make out a distant 11:56.  He’s pulled much later nights studying, so he rolls out of his bunk to head to the lounge, slipping through the curtain door.  He’s surprised to find a light already on.

“Oh,” he says softly, blinking at Ronan on the couch as his eyes adjust.  “I didn’t realize anyone else was up.”

Ronan shrugs and sets down the guitar he had been holding.  He must have been playing soft enough to not carry over the hum of the bus with Adam’s good ear pressed against the pillow.

“You can talk at a normal volume, you know,” he says.  “Everyone else wears earplugs or headphones to sleep.”

Adam nods.

“What were you playing?” he asks.  It sounds lame even to his own ears, but Ronan replies anyway.

“Just going through some of our songs.  You got a favorite?” he asks.

“I don’t know.  I haven’t listened to anything yet,” he admits.  Ronan pauses all movement and blinks at him.

“You’re sent to tour and live with a band for the entire summer and you didn’t even bother to listen to any of their music?” he asks.  Adam shrugs.

“I didn’t have the time.  Besides, I figured I’d hear it all during the tour anyway.”

Ronan looks at him blankly for another second, then sighs loudly through his nose and shoves a hand in his pocket.  He produces a pair of headphones and his phone, plugs the headphones in, scrolls a bit, then tosses everything at Adam. 

“Both albums are on there.  Better get listening.”

Adam looks from the phone back to Ronan.

“Now?”

“You got anything better to do?” Ronan asks.  Adam doesn’t, so he puts the headphone in his right ear and goes to press play until he sees Ronan gesturing out of the corner of his eye.

“What?” he asks.

“You have to put both earbuds in.  We do some dual speaker shit in a few songs.”

“I’m deaf in my left ear." 

Ronan frowns harder.

“Then give it back and sit down.”

Adam feels off balance, and he doesn’t think it’s from the motion of the bus anymore. 

“Fine,” he says, dropping the phone and headphones in Ronan’s lap and taking a seat next to him on the couch, leaving enough room to move without touching between them.  Ronan unplugs the headphones, then presses play and puts the phone between them, upping the volume until he can hear the beginning strains of guitar and echoing synthesizer.  No lyrics come in for at least half a minute, and they’re faint enough that Adam isn’t sure he’s hearing correctly at first.

“That’s Latin,” he says.

“Rex Corvus, parate Regis Corvi,” Ronan says.

“The first lyrics of your first album are ‘make way for the Raven King’ in Latin?” he asks.  Ronan nods. “That’s so pretentious.”

Ronan snorts, surprise and amusement evident, and Adam lets himself feel pleased.

“That’s Gansey for you.  He’s obsessed with the legend of this Welsh king named Glendower who was known as the Raven King.  Made us name the whole album and the band after him.”

“What makes him so special?” Adam asks.  Ronan shrugs.

“Legend says that he’s not dead, just sleeping.  Gansey likes the idea of cheating mortality. He was declared dead once as a kid, so maybe he identifies with him or some shit.”

The song switches, and Adam goes back to listening, tiling his head to find the best angle.  The rest of the songs on that album don’t have any Latin, but they’re full of mythology about the sleeping king anyway.  Adam begins to pick out backing vocals, listening closely for different parts of the songs and trying to imagine the band recording and performing them.  By the time the last bits of a song called “Excelsior” fade away, Adam is tapping his fingers along to the beat.

“End of the first album,” Ronan says.  Adam straightens and looks at him.

“That was really good,” he says, sounding impressed despite himself.  “I don’t listen to music a lot, but I really liked that.”

“You won’t get fired if you think we suck,” Ronan says, rolling his eyes.

“I don’t, though.  You guys are good.”

“Well, if you thought the first album was good, the second album is better.  We like outdoing ourselves,” Ronan says, pressing play on the second album. Adam leans closer, the edge of his socked foot nudging against Ronan’s.  He pulls it back and almost misses the contact.

The second album is more diverse than the first, with each song having its own unique flair that is somehow still wholly embodies the band.  It’s interesting to listen to, and Adam finds himself bobbing his head at certain points and leaning closer to listen at others. There’s a stripped-down song where Blue gets to showcase her singing, and another with an impressive guitar solo and drum feature. 

Near the end of the album, another slower song catches his attention.  Gansey’s voice is full of anguish, and Adam hangs off of every word.

“What’s this one called?” he asks quietly.  Ronan clears his throat.

“6:21.”

Adam wants to ask what the song is about, but something in Ronan’s face stops him.  He looks more open than he ever has, and Adam isn’t sure he’s ready to handle it yet.  The moment feels precious, and he’s too used to breaking precious things.

The final track is in Latin again, and Adam tries to draw on the knowledge from his Latin class to translate, but it’s been a while since he took it.

“What does it mean?” he asks finally.

“Perhaps this too will be a pleasure to look back on one day.”

It’s a fitting ending to the record.  Once the final notes fade out, it takes a few seconds before he’s ready to meet Ronan’s eyes again.

“Wow,” is all he says, and Ronan smiles.  It’s softer than the trademark smirk he swaps out for his frowns, and Adam gazes at it in wonder.

“How does it compare to the first one?” he asks.

“It’s more…” he trails off and tries to gather his thoughts, but the sight of Ronan not looking antagonistic is distracting.  “I feel like it encompases the world and the band better. Like, in the first one you guys were making music that you wanted to and telling Glendower’s story and how it relates to yours, but in this one you told the story of everyone and how they’re interconnected.”

Ronan doesn’t respond right away.

“Like I said, though, I don’t listen to music a lot,” he amends.

“I like that description,” Ronan says finally.  “I think that’s what we were trying to do.” 

The bus slows, then the driver puts it in park. 

“We’re here,” he says.  The driver is a large but soft-spoken man named Jesse, and his eyes are kind.  Adam checks his watch to see that it’s already near 1:30. They covered good ground to get to get into New York City by now.

“Goodnight, boys,” he says.  He takes a set of keys and exits the bus.  Adam tracks his progress through the window as he enters the motel who’s parking lot they’re in.  He can see the other bus next to them, all lights off.

“Probably a good idea to go to sleep now,” he says.  Ronan grunts, but he looks less alert and tense than he had when Adam first entered the lounge area.

“Thank you for letting me listen to your music,” he says, and Ronan shrugs.

“Figured you’d have to at some point.”

It doesn’t feel as harsh as it might have earlier this afternoon.

“Thank you, anyway,” he says.  “Good night, Ronan. See you tomorrow.”

Before he finally drifts off to sleep, the bunk above him creaks with the sound of someone entering and laying down.

-/-

New York City, New York

Backstage on a TV show is a hectic place to be, and Adam feels like he’s in the way wherever he stands. 

He never had the time or desire to watch any late-night programs, but the set is about what he expected.  There’s a desk and an open space, then a small platform where a 5 piece band has set up and is waiting to provide any background music needed.  There’s a small audience space, but the entire set is miniscule compared to the expansive backstage area. Beyond the wings, where cameras are being pushed around and guests wait before going on, the building houses dressing rooms, conference rooms, a break room, and storage.  If Adam hadn’t been dutifully following the band the entire time, he probably would have gotten lost.

As it is now, he stands closely by Mr. Gray so as to take up as little space as possible.  The band waits on the other side, ready to enter and begin filming the show for tonight while Piper monologues.

Piper herself appears to know what she’s doing, and it’s clear that everyone in the building would jump to carry out any commands she gives, despite not knowing her assistants’ names.  She asked Adam to fetch her some coffee earlier and didn’t even realize that he doesn't work for her.

Her makeup is immaculate, and there isn’t a hair out of place in her elaborate twist-up hairdo.  All in all, it gives Adam the impression of fakeness. Her smile is a bit too wide, and her politeness is paper-thin.  Once the cameras switch off, her face morphs into something unpleasant enough to be called ugly, despite her symmetrical features and prominent cheekbones.

“Why are we on her show, again?” he asks Mr. Gray quietly.  One of the assistants watching the opening monologue from the wings shoots him a dirty look anyway.

“I used to work for her husband.  He’s a big player in the music industry, and in order to be let out of the contract I had to promise that if The Raven King made it, this show would be their first TV appearance.”

Mr. Gray doesn’t sound overly pleased by it, and that at least gives Adam comfort that he isn’t the only one who doesn’t enjoy the environment here.

The cameras stop rolling where a commercial will be placed once this airs at night, and Piper slips behind her desk.  On the other side of the set, Adam sees Noah bounce on the balls of his feet until Henry slings an arm over his shoulder.  In the back of the group, Ronan chews on some leader bracelets he has around his wrist. 

The band hadn’t gotten a lot of time to practice together earlier, as there was a mix-up in the scheduling on the show’s end.  Seeing as this is their first public performance since Ronan had to go to rehab, the entire band is a bit on edge because of it.  Any quiet understanding that Adam thought he and Ronan had reached last night seems non-existent now, and even Gansey snapped at something small while Orla did their makeup backstage.

“Welcome back to the show!” Piper chirps, looking at a camera positioned in front of her desk.  “Tonight we have some very special guests with us. They’ve been making headlines around the world with the release of their second album at the top of the charts, and they’re about to embark on a US tour that will end with a performance at Madison Square Garden!  Please welcome the Raven King!”

The audience cheers and the band enters, all waves and smiles except for Ronan, who gives a few nods to the fans instead.  Piper has a couch set up with two tall chairs behind it, since there’s too many of them to sit side-by-side. Ronan and Henry take the chairs after shaking Piper’s hand.  She makes Gansey give her a hug, though, and the situation looks as uncomfortable as Adam feels having to watch it.

“This is your first appearance as guests on a late night show!  How does that feel?” she asks once everyone has settled. The audience cheers at that, and Gansey smiles at them before responding.

“It feels great!  We’re excited to be here.”

“I’m excited to have you!  Now you just released your second album, Cabeswater .” More cheering from the audience as Piper holds up a card with the album cover on it.  “Wow, they’re quite enthusiastic about you guys. Back to your album, though, I think everyone is wondering what that title means.”

The band glances at each other, and it’s Blue who finally answers.

“Cabeswater means a little something different for each of us.  It’s this kind of inherently magical, ancient place that holds all of your thoughts and feelings where you know they’ll be safe.  We based the idea of it off one of the forests by our hometown.”

“Sonically, this album is different from your last one.  There’s a lot going on here,” Piper says.

“We stopped worrying about what our sound was and started just making the songs that were being asked to be made.  With Glendower I think we were focused on being sure that it sounded cohesive and that it all sounded like the same part of a story we were trying to tell, but Cabeswater is much more of a combination of each of us.  We all have very diverse music tastes, so there’s no one genre for the album,” Gansey says.

“I see we have a full couch here, as well.  Not only is Ronan Lynch back, but you’ve added Henry Cheng to the lineup permanently,” Piper says.  There are a few whoops from the crowd, and Henry grins at them.

“We love having Henry here!” Blue says.  “He was such a good fit on tour last year that not getting him more involved in the creative process wasn’t even an option.”

“Thanks Blue,” Henry says.  Blue turns to smile at him.

“That’s very touching,” Piper says, smile plastered on.  “After commercial, you’ll be performing one of your new songs, but before we get to that I figure we can play a game, just so everyone can get to know you better.” 

She hands Gansey a stack of paddles and the band shifts as they’re passed out, flipping them backwards and forwards.  Adam can make out the words I HAVE! on one side and NEVER! on the other.

“This game is called Never Have I Ever, and I’m sure you guys are familiar with it.  I have some questions from the fans here, and all you have to do is tell us if you’ve done this or not.  Ready?” Piper asks, blood-red nails gripping her cue cards. The band nods.

“Seems straight forward enough,” Henry says.

“Let’s get started then!” PIper chirps.  “Question one: Never have I ever used one of my bandmates’ toothbrushes without telling them.”

There’s some floundering as the band ensures that they’re showing the right side of their paddles, and when everyone settles Noah and Ronan both are displaying the green I HAVE! side. 

“Who’s toothbrush did you use?” Piper asks Ronan.

“Gansey’s,” he drawls.  Gansey whips around to face him.

“Mine?  Ronan, we have enough toothbrushes for you to have five of your own!”

Ronan shrugs, but at least now he’s smirking instead of looking bored.

“I’ve used yours, too,” Noah admits, and Gansey looks like it would be a lesser betrayal to be stabbed in the back.

“How about this one: Never have I ever gone to the hospital for an allergic reaction." 

Everyone turns expectantly to Gansey as he shows his card.

“I feel like there’s some sort of story here that I’m missing,” Piper says.  “That didn’t seem like a random question.”

“I’m allergic to bees, and as a kid I got stung enough that I was declared dead for a minute at the hospital,” Gansey says.  “The doctors still can’t explain why I’m alive today.”

The next few questions pass without incident.  Henry, Noah, and Ronan have all gotten stitches.  Everyone says that they’ve had a paranormal experience, but refuse to elaborate when Piper asks.  Henry has left his house without underwear, and both Henry and Blue have gone skinny dipping, but they specify that it wasn’t together.  Everyone except Blue has skipped school, and Gansey says that sometimes it’s more important to hike in the woods looking for a dead Welsh king.  Noah and Henry have both injured themselves trying to impress someone: Noah fractured his arm skateboarding trying to impress a girl, and Henry says he was trying to impress Gansey but won’t reveal the injury.  Gansey seems surprised by this, but no one else does. Ronan even rolls his eyes.

“Okay, last question.  Never have I ever… kissed a band mate.”

There are some whoops from the audience, and Piper looks too smug for Adam’s liking.  Next to him, Mr. Gray starts to make a cutting motion with his hand, but no one in the band sees.

Blue and Noah glance at each other, then both turn their paddles to I HAVE!  

Gansey does a double take.

“What? ” he asks.  Everyone else seems just as surprised.  Ronan frowns deeply.

“Well, well, well,” Piper says.  “What have we here? It seems like no one else in the band knew about this.”

Blue shrugs.

“It happens.”

“Does it?” Gansey asks.  Ronan leans forward, and his movement is enough for Gansey to break eye contact and switch from a frown to a relaxed expression.  It’s the polite version of Gansey that Adam remembers him slipping into after dinner at Nino’s, the version that could hide anything and talk anyone into doing what he asks.

“It wasn’t a big deal,” Noah says.  “We kissed once and that’s it. Nothing more to say.”

“I think there’s a lot more to say,” Piper says.  “Kisses don’t just happen .”

Blue shrugs again.

“This one did.  Noah and I kissed.  It was nice, but it probably won’t happen again.  That’s really all there is to it,” she says.

“You have to give me more than that,” Piper says.

Mr. Gray shakes his head emphatically, but no one on set looks at him. 

“I really don’t,” Blue says, smile turning flinty.  “It’s between me and Noah, not us and the world.”

“I’m just upset that Blue got to kiss Noah before I did,” Henry interjects, and that breaks the tension a bit, getting some laughs out of the rest of the band and the audience.

“You just have to ask, Henry,” Noah smiles.  “I’ll plant one on you any time.”

“I want a romantic one,” he replies, and Noah takes his hand and kisses the back of it like a proper prince in a fairy tale.  Someone in the audience yells AWWWWW! really loudly, and that sets the band laughing again.

“On that note, we’re going to cut to a break!” Piper says.  “Stick around, when we return The Raven King will be performing one of their new songs!”

Everyone onstage freezes until the cameraman gives a signal, then the band collectively releases a breath.

“Did you know that was going to happen?” Adam asks, watching Ronan lean forward to say something to Gansey while the rest of the band moves over to their instruments when a curtain opens to reveal their performance set up. 

“Not quite.  I figured someone might have kissed, given that they’re teenagers who spend a lot of time together and all half in love anyway, but I didn’t anticipate those two,” Mr. Gray says.

Blue steps forward to say something to Gansey, who just nods at her, not meeting her eyes.  Everyone else fiddles with their instruments until Gansey nods at a stage hand near them. Piper is still situated at her desk, and once she gets the signal she looks at a camera and smiles. 

“We’re back with a special treat!  Here to perform their hit single “Safe as Life,” we have The Raven King!”  The camera pans to the band, and Noah starts the song with a drum hit. From there, it’s full speed ahead.

Adam remembers this song from last night, leaning close to Ronan on the couch in the bus lounge to hear better.  Seeing the band perform it themselves is nothing like the recording. Every note is clear and deliberate, and from the moment Henry catches Gansey’s eye and smiles the energy becomes electric.  The band feeds off each other for the entirety of the performance, with every head bob or smile fueling the fire. Once he sees Ronan smirk, Adam knows that this take is the one they’re going with.  There’s no need to redo it when everything is perfect. The last note doesn’t have time to fade before the crowd’s cheers drown it out.

“Wow,” Adam says simply.

“They’re good,” Mr. Gray replies.  He looks satisfied. On set, the band does, too.  Ronan catches his eye as his gaze sweeps the set, and Adam gives him a thumbs up.  Ronan smirks in response, but he’s pleased. Adam thinks that any nerves he might have had about performing again were for nothing.

-/-

Cincinnati, Ohio

Backstage at Piper’s TV show is nothing compared to backstage at the first show of the tour.  The past few days have been a blur of practices, traveling, and getting to know various band and crew members, but it was still relatively relaxed.  The day of the first tour performance starts off tense and gets worse from there. Adam does his best to stay out of everyone’s way, but he still needs to stay by Ronan and keep him on track, so that doesn’t always work.

Things with Gansey and Blue seem… weird.  Adam has noticed them tiptoe around each other since the television interview, and he doesn’t know if it’s tension from the upcoming tour or something else.  The day before in the lounge, Blue had thrown out her yogurt without giving the fruit at the bottom to Gansey, and the entire band had seemed shocked. Adam hadn’t been able to ask Ronan about the significance without getting his head bit off, but the hurt expression on Gansey’s face had been enough to give him an idea.  At this point, it’s better to just not ask the band anything.

While the whole band is tense, Ronan is by far the worst out of anyone.  Adam doesn’t know if he’s always like this before the start of a tour or if everything is amplified because of the time he took off in rehab, but if it continues for the rest of the tour someone is going to snap, and it just might be Adam.

Ronan is moody and pushy.  He picks fights with everyone over something as small as drinking some orange juice from the mini fridge kept behind the driver or spending too long brushing their teeth.  Adam is tasked with the job of waking him up in the morning, as no one else is willing to poke him with a 10 foot pole. No one is allowed to touch his guitar, even the roadies.  Even Chainsaw spends as little time around him as possible, perching on Adam’s shoulder and poking holes in his shirt whenever she isn’t allowed to be outside because she can’t keep up with the bus in motion.

Everything comes to a head in the band’s dressing room at US Bank Arena.  The others have already stepped out to prep in the wings and watch the end of the opener.  The band selected different local talent each location to open for them, rather than touring with the same band every day.  It endears them to the audience more, giving a bit of a hometown advantage everywhere they go. A small speaker in the upper corner of the room gives some of the audio from the stage, and Ronan looks about three seconds away from throwing something at it.

“Ronan,” Adam says, forcing Ronan’s glare on him.  “You need to stop.”

“Stop what?” he snaps.  He’s wearing a line in the carpet with his pacing, and his wrist bands are going to fall off if he keeps chewing them.

“Stop freaking out and being a jerk about it,” Adam replies.  Ronan stops his pacing and glares.

“I’m not freaking out!”

“You’ve been freaking out for days and it’s putting everyone else on edge,” he says.  “You’ll be fine. The TV performance was amazing. You’re a good musician and a great performer, but if you don’t snap out of it you’ll make sloppy mistakes and throw everyone else off.”

“Shut the fuck up!  You don’t know anything about being a musician or about me,” he says, stalking forward.  Adam holds his ground and Ronan eventually stops at less than a foot away. His face is set in a scowl, everything closed off. 

“I don’t need to,” Adam says.  “You’ve been in a pissy mood and it’s not that hard to guess why, but there’s no reason for it.  You sounded amazing in practice. Everyone in the audience bought a ticket tonight because they love the band.  You’re not exactly going to be playing to your harshest critics. They’ll be elated as long as you step on stage.”

Ronan doesn’t respond, and for a second the only sounds are his harsh breathing, the last pieces of a song drifting in from the speaker in the corner, and the sound of footsteps outside the door from various venue staff members scrambling to do their jobs.  Adam makes a decision and reaches his hand out to touch Ronan’s arm.

His skin is warm.

Ronan inhales sharply at the contact.

“Stop.  You’ll be fine.  The show is going to go well as long as you get out of your head and stop trying to fight your band every time they breathe.”

Ronan stares at him.  The same vulnerability is in his eyes from when they first listened to “6:21” together.  They’re already standing so close, but Adam wants to step closer.

The door flies open and they both jump away.  Adam feels like they were caught in something, even though nothing happened.

“Ronan, get backstage!  The band goes on in five minutes and Gansey wants to talk through tonight’s cover song again,” Mr. Gray orders.  Ronan rolls his eyes, but his face is less like a thunderstorm and more of a rain shower. It’s good enough for now.

Before he leaves, he turns towards Adam again.

“You should watch from the audience today,” he says.  “It’s the best way to experience us.”

“Okay,” he says.  Ronan exits without another word, and he turns to Mr. Gray.

“I’ll get you in front.  Orla’s watching from there today, too,” the manager sighs.

Five minutes later, Adam finds himself on the edge of the crowd, Orla’s arm slipped through his after a guy tried to make a pass at her as soon as they entered.  The noise is already loud with all the chatter from the stadium, but when the lights abruptly turn off, cheers turn deafening.

“Their first song is my favorite,” Orla yells, leaning close to his good ear to be heard.  He can see figures moving in the dark, then they hit the first chord and the lights flash on.

Seeing the Raven King live is… an experience, for one thing.  Adam has never been to a concert before. His hometown wasn’t exactly in a prime location for them, and his dad would have never allowed it.  Once he was emancipated, he still didn’t have the time or money. There was always a bill to pay or assignment to do, and Adam doesn’t listen to enough music to have an artist that he’d pay to see.

He thinks maybe that he’s been missing out for years. 

The first song that they play is “Wake Up,” and the crowd goes absolutely bonkers.  It’s impossible not to get swept up in it, with everyone screaming and jumping around them, singing along at the top of their lungs.  Orla starts jumping up and down, and since she’s still holding his arm he has no choice but to join her, dancing his heart out with the rest of the crowd.  The bass thrums through his nerves and every hit of the drums pounds out a beat in his heart. Gansey spots them in the front row and grins around the lyrics.

“Hello Cincinnati!” Gansey yells into the microphone after, almost drowned out by crowd.  Adam might be deaf in his other ear after this. He’s not entirely sure he minds that terribly.

“We are the Raven King!” he says as soon as he can get a word in edgewise.  “It’s lovely to be here with you tonight. Isn’t it, guys?”

Noah does a drum roll and cymbal hit, and everyone leans into their microphones and agrees.  The crowd screams again, then they kick into the next song. It’s a non-stop journey until the last note of “3 Sleepers,” when all of the lights go out save a projection on screen.  Adam can’t really make sense of the images or the sounds, but it fills the entire arena with anticipation. When the lights finally come up again, there are three stools closer to the front, with Ronan, Gansey, and Blue perched on them, Ronan and Blue with acoustic guitars.

“It’s time to take things down a little,” Gansey says.  “This next song is about knowing you’re in love. This is ‘Quiet.’”

Ronan looks at Blue, and they begin strumming at the same time, gentle strokes that somehow sweep over every single person in the crowd.  When Gansey’s voice comes in, a few people sing along, but the sweetness of his tone can’t be matched.

Blue adds in her harmony on the chorus, and Gansey’s eyes flutter open to look at her.  She looks right back before a smile starts to blossom on her face, and Gansey returns it.  They don’t stop smiling until the song is over.

Adam thinks that they’ll be okay.

The song ends to deafening applause, just like all of the others, and Gansey and Blue share another smile without speaking before Gansey turns to Ronan.  Gansey raises an eyebrow, and Ronan shrugs before leaning into the microphone.

“Can someone tell Noah and Henry to get their asses out here?  We got a cover song to do.”

Noah pops up from behind the drum kit with a microphone.

“I never even left the stage!  Calm down!” he says, and the crowd cheers and Henry jogs on from offstage.  Noah brings a box forward and Henry shifts his microphone over. Jimi brings out a stool for him.

“Everyone, give it up for Jimi!” Gansey calls, and the crowd cheers.  “We love our crew. They’re so great.”

Orla shrieks so loud that Adam startles and almost trips over his feet.  Onstage, Ronan catches his eye and looks like he’s suppressing a laugh. Adam flips him off in retaliation, which just makes his laughter seep through a little bit more.  The fans around then scream and push forward, waving their arms like it will make Ronan notice them, and he turns back to Gansey.

A few more microphones get messed with briefly, and once everyone settles Gansey starts talking again.

“This song was originally by Third Eye Blind.  Here’s ‘Semi-Charmed Life.’”

After that song, they play an acoustic version of “Strange Constellation,” then another video plays while the band resets.  The rest of the concert is just as good as the first half, and the crowd cheers so loud at the end that the band comes back out to play an encore.  By the time the last note of “Excelsior” rings out and the band takes their final bow, Adam is exhausted, but smiling wider than he has in a while.

Orla pushes him backstage before the band can fully exit, and by the time they find the band they’re locked in a group hug.

“Oh, Noah, you stink!”

“That was such an amazing show!”

“I love Cincinnati!”

“We still got it, guys!”

“Henry messed up in ‘Fox Way’!”

“No one could tell before!  Now I’ll have the whole crew on my back about it since you pointed it out!”

“But the fans!  The fans loved us out there!”

“Okay, get off,” Ronan grumbles, pushing the others away and effectively breaking the hug.

“I call first shower!” Gansey shouts, sprinting down the hallway.

“NO!” Noah yells, running after him with the rest of the band at his heels.

“So,” Adam says to Ronan once they’re alone, “that wasn’t so bad, was it?" 

“According to you,” he replies, but the way he looks at Adam out of the corner of his eye says something else.  Adam crosses his arms and can’t help but feel pleased.

“It was an amazing show.  You guys were made to be on stage,” he says.

“You haven’t seen anything yet,” Ronan smirks as he leaves.  Adam feels anticipation build in his gut and follows the band back to the bus.

-/-

Boston, Massachusetts

“First hotel night of tour!” Henry shouts, flopping down on the couch so his body is squishing Blue and Gansey and his head ends up on Adam’s thigh.  His hair is still damp from rinsing off in the shower, and his cologne is powerful enough that in the confined space of the bus it makes Adam’s nose wrinkle.

“Ugh, I can’t wait to sprawl out in a proper bed again,” Noah says, tilting his head to lean against Blue’s legs where she’s sitting on the couch and he’s on the floor.

“Noah, it’s been two weeks,” Blue says.

“Two weeks too long,” he replies.

“Is everyone here now?” Mr. Gray asks.  Adam does a quick head count and nods. “The label is throwing a party at a club near the hotel tonight.  At least two of you need to show up and stay awhile.”

“Let’s just all go. We’ve had a great week of shows and deserve to celebrate,” Blue says.

Ronan snorts.

“Oh,” says Gansey.  The bus quiets as Ronan strokes Chainsaw with two fingers, refusing to look at anyone.

“Ronan and I can stay back while you guys go,” Adam says.  “Since we’re rooming together, it’s not like you guys will disturb us when you come back.”

Ronan glances at him, quick enough that Adam would have missed it if he blinked.

“What if none of us drink there and we all stay together?” Noah asks.

“What if Kavinsky is there?  He always finds his way into stuff like this,” Gansey replies.

“I’m staying at the hotel with Parrish.  You guys go have fun and make the label happy kissing ass,” Ronan says, with a note of finality that leaves no room for argument.  He looks up at Gansey and doesn’t look away until the other boy does first.

Mr. Gray nods, satisfied, and Adam tunes him out as he tells the band about different people at the party they should talk to, higher-ups in the label and distinguished musicians and producers they should try to make connections with.  Ronan goes back to petting Chainsaw, frowning. When they pull up to the hotel, he doesn’t speak to Adam the entire way to their room and immediately storms off to the bathroom once they enter. After a few moments, Adam can hear the shower turn on.  He takes the hint and gets comfortable, trying to instead get a start on one of the readings for his fall class.

Questions keep swirling in his head, blurring the letters on the page.  By the time Ronan finally exits the bathroom, Adam hasn’t even turned a page.

“So, who’s Kavinsky?” Adam asks after Ronan has thrown himself onto the other hotel bed. 

“None of your business,” he says, voice muffled against the bedspread.

“Declan did order me with trying to keep you two apart, so I feel like it should be my business,” he replies dryly, closing his book and accepting that he won’t be doing any productive reading tonight.

“Declan can shove his orders up his ass,” Ronan says.  He turns to look at Adam, frowning. “Kavinsky is as much your business as your hearing loss is mine.”

Adam considers for a moment.

“I’ll tell you about it if you tell me about Kavinsky first.”

“That’s personal,” Ronan says.

“So is how I lost my hearing,” he replies, “but I’d be okay with telling you.”  Ronan frowns even harder, then rolls onto his back. Adam tries not to get distracted by the sliver of skin showing from where his tank top rides up.

“Kavinsky is a piece of shit.  His dad is in the mob or something, and he ended up showing up at a lot of the places that we were, always with some new kind of drug and a willingness to street race.  Give him an inch and he’ll take a mile. Show him any kind of weakness and he’ll break you into a million pieces.”

He pauses.

“What happened?” Adam asks when it’s been silent for too long.

“I fell in with him for a bit.  The band largely blames him for the drugs, and when they convinced me to tell him no, he kidnapped my brother.”

“He kidnapped Declan?”

“Matthew,” Ronan corrected, still staring at the ceiling.  “Younger brother. Everyone loves him. He almost died that night, and I went to rehab the next day.”

Adam doesn’t know what to say, so he stays silent.  It’s hard to imagine anyone having that sort of power over Ronan, who sometimes seems to be more of a hurricane than a human, something cosmic and powerful and utterly uncontrollable. 

After a long enough pause, Ronan looks at him. 

“How did you lose hearing in your left ear?” he asks.  His gaze is steady, but not intrusive. It makes saying the words a bit easier.  They still stick in his throat when said out loud, despite the court verdict validating his experience.

“My dad hit me.  When I fell, I hit my head, and my hearing hasn’t worked right since then.” 

Ronan stills completely.

“What happened to him?” he asks.

“He got off, but I got emancipated and haven’t seen him since I started college,” Adam says.  “I assume he and my mom are still living in the same trailer in my hometown.”

His voice almost stutters on the word “trailer.”  Somehow, it’s still harder to admit that he’s dirt poor than that his dad hit him sometimes.

He’s been living with the band for weeks.  Everyone has probably figured it out by now, anyway.

“He hit you and didn’t end up in jail?  That’s fucked up.” 

Ronan’s voice is as sharp as steel and twice as flinty.  Adam just shrugs.

“It’s enough for me that they said he did it.”

“You planning on seeing them again?” Ronan asks.

“No,” Adam says.  “I gave them a chance, and they didn’t take it.  That door is closed now.”

Ronan nods and Adam turns his gaze back to the ceiling.  There’s a decorative fan up there, and he wonders how long he can stare at it before one of them speaks again.  He glances at Ronan to find him already looking back. Neither of them look away, and Adam doesn’t know how to classify this moment, so he breaks it. 

“What’s ‘6:21’ about?  Everyone says it’s about your dad but…”

“But what?” Ronan asks.

“But I don’t think that’s quite right.  Some of the lyrics just… it doesn’t seem like that’s what was being intended.”

Ronan props a hand behind his head, causing his torso to stretch even more.  Adam resolutely makes sure that his eyes don’t follow the motion.

“Noah.”

“Pardon?”

“The song is about Noah.  And Gansey, a little bit, and then we made it about my dad some, but it’s mostly about Noah.  His friend tried to kill him with a skateboard when they were in high school. Took almost year in the hospital to recover, and he’s still got shitty mental health over it, so don’t mention it,” Ronan says, sharply.  Adam nods.

“I won’t.”

Ronan nods once, a quick jerk of the head, then continues.

“He had the start of the lyrics, and Gansey’s got a thing about death since he almost died so he latched on to it, then we brought it to the writing room and all contributed.”

“Why is it called 6:21?” Adam asks, for lack of a better response.  It’s hard to swallow that Noah, sweet, bubbly Noah, was almost murdered.  It’s almost equally mystifying that Ronan has been trusting him with so much tonight.

“When Noah got hit his watch smashed.  Time on it said 6:21.”

“Any other songs that have darker meanings I should know about?” he asks after a moment.  Ronan snorts.

“‘Safe As Life’ is about when Henry was kidnapped as a toddler." 

“ What ?” Adam asks.  Ronan dives into the story, then talks about how Gansey wrote “Quiet” about Blue even though he denies it, because anyone with half a brain can tell that they’ve been dancing around each other.  Adam asks about the writing process, and Ronan asks about college. There’s a lot of pauses between ideas, but it’s comfortable. Talking to Ronan right now is probably the most comfortable he’s felt all tour, but it’s making his heart race as well.  By the time Adam yawns and glances at the clock, it’s reached the early hours of the morning.

“Go to sleep, Parrish,” Ronan says.

“Don’t tell me what to do,” he responds around a yawn, but moves to the bathroom to brush his teeth and put on pyjamas.  They’ll have to do laundry tomorrow, and he’s looking forward to clean clothes again. By the time he returns to the main room, Ronan has taken off his shirt and pants and gotten under the covers.

“Goodnight, Ronan,” he says.

“Night, Parrish,” he replies, and flicks off the lamp.

-/-

Sometime during the night, the gentle strumming of a guitar causes him to open his eyes.  Ronan is hunched over on his bed, bits of paper around him and guitar in his lap, clad only in boxers.  His tattoo looks strange and enticing in the low light of the lamp.

“Ronan?” he mumbles.  The guitar stops.

“Go back to sleep.  I’ll be quieter.”

Adam doesn’t even know if this is real, because he doesn’t think Ronan brought his guitar up with him earlier.  He lingers on the sight of so much of Ronan’s skin, then turns over and falls back asleep.

-/-

On Route to Hershey, Pennsylvania

“Is it a ‘Play Crack the Sky’ kind of day or a ‘Feeling This’ kind of day?” Noah asks, tapping his drumsticks against his thighs.

“Maybe it’s a ‘From Eden’ or ‘Ghost of a King’ kind of day,” Blue replies.  Her feet are propped up on Gansey’s lap, his hands resting on her ankles, and Adam wonders if they’ve at least acknowledged their feelings to each other yet.  It’s like the world’s worst-kept secret.

“Maybe it’s a ‘Murder Squash’ kind of day,” Ronan says from his spot sprawled directly in the walkway.

“It’s always a ‘Murder Squash’ kind of day,” Noah grins.

“I really feel like I should know what ‘Murder Squash’ is by now,” Adam says.

“You don’t want to know,” Blue says, and Ronan’s grin grows.

“It’s the first demo we ever recorded, mostly as a joke to figure out how to work a studio.  It’s the worst,” Gansey says.

“It’s the best ,” Ronan replies, sitting up and scooting closer.  He holds out his phone and presses play. The noise that comes out makes Adam wish he was deaf in his other ear.

“Make it stop!” he groans while Noah cackles, holding his own phone up to record the ordeal.

“Make it stop!” Henry yells from his bunk.  Even Jesse glances up from where he’s driving, breaking his immovable focus.

“Squash one, squash two!” Ronan yells, loud and free.  He’s beautiful like this. Adam banishes the thought as soon as it enters his mind. 

“I’m putting that reaction on the band’s Instagram,” Noah says, already typing.

“Seriously, what’s our cover song for tonight going to be?” Blue asks.

“Let’s let the fans choose,” Gansey says.  “We can see which suggestion they cheer the loudest for at the concert.”

“Gansey, that’s going to be all of them,” Blue says fondly.  Ronan looks at Adam and rolls his eyes, and Adam tampers down his amused smile.  Ronan pulls a face at him in response, and Adam has to turn away to keep from laughing.

In the end, they don’t have a chance to ask the audience because Persephone tells them to do “From Eden.”  Adam watches the concert from a spot in the sound booth, sitting next to her. When Ronan glances up at him, Adam wonders if they can be seen from the stage.  It should be impossible, with the bright lights glaring down at the performers and the sound booth being its own little island, but he still feels like Ronan is looking right at him, anyway.

-/-

Charlotte, North Carolina

“Hey Parrish,” Ronan calls, knocking on the frame of his bunk.  Adam pulls the curtain aside, squinting up at him and using his finger to mark a place in his book.  The bus wifi isn’t the best, but it’s good enough for him to see that his literature course next semester updated the syllabus to add 6 more works.  If he doesn’t get a head start on them now so all he has to do is review them during the school year, Adam isn’t sure if he’ll be able to complete the class on top of his jobs and other academics.

“What are you reading?” Ronan frowns.  Adam tilts the cover so he can see.

“Waiting for Godot , aka the most boring play in human history.”

“Don’t read it, then,” Ronan says.

“Can’t.  It’s required for a class.”

“Parrish, it’s summer.”

Adam rolls his eyes.

“I'm aware.  I just like to get a head start.”

“Well I like to get lunch, so we’re leaving.”

Adam checks his watch and sees that it’s just past one.  He peers out of his bunk and finds the bus to be oddly still and quiet.

“Where are the others?” he asks, scooting out of the bunk and slipping on his shoes.

“They left a while ago.”

“And you didn’t go with them?” he asks, checking pockets for his his wallet, his phone, and Ronan’s, since he hates carrying his own with him.

“Wasn’t hungry when they left,” Ronan shrugs.  Adam checks his watch again, then leads the way out of the bus, nodding at Jesse as he goes.  The Carolina sun is warm, and Adam tilts his face up to absorb some of the rays.

“Which way to food?” he asks.  Ronan shrugs, then starts walking.  Adam jogs to catch up. They parked back behind the venue, and he knows that if they went around the front, it’s possible they would run into a fan or two, already lining up to get to the front row at the barricade.  Unfortunately, urban planning says that restaurants are more likely to be found on the main street that the venue is situated on, rather than off a side alley.

“You guys figure out a cover song for tonight?” he asks.  A few hours of each bus ride are always dedicated to finding a song that fits the mood of the day and figuring out how to play it.  Adam isn’t sure how they manage to remember so much music, especially when they switch it around each night, but Noah once said that it’s good to keep the audience on their toes.  Making each concert a unique experience keeps them coming back.

“Noah wants to do The Killers, Blue wants to do Florence and the Machine,  Gansey wants to find a way to cover Frank Sinatra, and Henry is relentless about Madonna.  We’re doomed.”

“What do you want to do?” Adam asks. 

“I don’t like doing covers.  I just want to play our music.  We have some things from the very first EP that aren’t too bad, and we’re always working on new stuff.  It’s a waste of time to take something that isn’t ours and make it sound like us anyway.”

“I like it,” Adam says.  “I think it shows versatility, and a respect for other people in the industry.”

“You don’t know shit about music.”

Adam rolls his eyes. 

“At some point, you won’t be able to keep using that excuse.  I’m picking some things up, you know. I won’t pretend to be an expert, but I’m no idiot.”

“Sure.  I’ll give you my guitar and watch you pull out a solo later,” Ronan snorts.

“As if you’d ever let me touch your guitar,” Adam replies.

“We’ll see,” Ronan replies.  Adam would be more inclined to believe him if he didn’t know that not even Gansey was allowed to touch Ronan’s main guitar on most days.

After a few more minutes of walking in silence, a the yellow arches of a McDonalds appear in the distance.  Ronan makes a satisfied noise and quickens his pace, and Adam adjusts to keep up. While in line for mcnuggets and fries, Adam finally brings up a topic that Declan probably wanted him to address earlier, if his terse tone on the phone was any indication.  He asked some questions Adam didn’t like, though, so Adam wasn’t exactly eager to act as a messenger between him and Ronan.

“Declan called me two days ago,” he says.  Ronan huffs. “He’s been calling you and leaving voicemails for the past few days apparently.  Said something about someone named Opal wanting to talk to you, and for you to call back as soon as possible.”

Ronan’s frown deepens.

“I told her to call Gansey’s phone, not mine,” he says.  “She knows I don’t answer.” 

“Who is she?” Adam asks.  Ronan steps forward to order instead of answering, and it isn’t until they’re filling up their soda cups and getting ketchup that he replies. 

“My niece, technically.  Declan adopted her after I found her living on the street alone.  The government wouldn’t let me be named legal guardian, but she spends just as much time with me at the Barnes.”

“Are you serious?” Adam asks, sitting down and unwrapping his burger.

“I don’t lie,” Ronan says.  “There’s a picture on my phone if you really don’t believe me.” 

Adam can’t picture Ronan with a child of any kind, so he pulls up the phone gallery and quickly finds the photo.  Opal looks to be around ten years old, with stringy blonde hair, a skullcap, and big gray eyes. Ronan doesn’t look happy in the picture, with his signature scowl in place, but the kid has to have been sitting on his lap for the picture to be taken, and that alone speaks of a level of affection that no one would expect from Ronan at first glance.

“She looks nice,” Adam says, because that’s what you’re supposed to say when faced with a picture of someone’s young family member.

“She’s a little shit,” Ronan replies.  “Declan can’t get her to stop munching on metal things.  Apparently she likes the taste, but that also means she cuts up her mouth on accident.”

“Could just like the taste of blood,” Adam hums.  “Kids are weird like that.”

“She’s not a vampire, Parrish.”

“If she takes after you, I wouldn’t be surprised.  The affinity for black clothing, paired with your pasty skin?  You could be a vampire.”

“Ha ha,” Ronan says dryly, mouth full of chicken nuggets.  It’s absolutely disgusting. It doesn’t bother Adam nearly as much as it should.

“Is it hard for her, having you be gone so often?” he asks.  Ronan takes a long sip of soda.

“Nah.  She’s independent.  And she’s got the CD now, so she’s fine.” 

“The CD?” Adam asks.  Ronan rolls his eyes then stares fixedly at his tray, as if the words are hard to say, like he’s embarrassed by what they’re going to reveal if he maintains eye contact.

“She had trouble sleeping for a bit, so I used to sing to her.  The rest of the band, too, if they were over. We recorded some lullabies for her.  Declan told me he plays one or two for her every night.”

“That’s sweet,” Adam says.

“Shut up,” Ronan replies.  He stuffs some more nuggets in his mouth, and Adam continues with his own meal.  Ronan could put up a hard, scary exterior in front of everyone, but that couldn’t completely erase the fact that he had a softer heart than most people Adam knew.  He walked like he was ready to wage war for the world, but it was becoming apparent that he would fight most ferociously in defense of the things he loved, and never against those things, not really.  For as much as he may snip at the band or growl at Declan, he still joins them in celebration each night backstage and records lullabies for the niece he trusts to his brother’s care.

“You could do one of those for the cover tonight,” Adam says as their leaving.

“The goal is to entertain the audience, Parrish, not to put them to sleep,” Ronan scoffs.

“Come on.  Some of them would love a lullaby.  They’d all turn their flashlights on and hold them up,” he says.  “Besides, if you’ve already recorded the song, it might be easier to scrape together for the performance, and soundcheck is fast approaching.”

Ronan pushes him away with a muttered insult, but their cover that night is an acapella piece promising safety and comfort through the night.  Adam thinks about Ronan singing it to Opal and feels his heart clench. Ronan looks softer onstage than he has for the whole tour, and Persephone gives him a knowing look.

After the show, Ronan asks for his phone, and Adam falls asleep with the bunk above him empty, Ronan’s voice carrying softly from the lounge until he presses his good ear against the pillow.

-/-

On Route to Orlando, Florida

The problem is that Adam doesn’t think these feelings are platonic.

He shifts in his bunk, turning over and trying to get comfortable but knowing that it’s his racing thoughts keeping him up, not any lumps in the mattress.  The cover of darkness is the only time he can possibly consider this, letting his secret out just enough to see the faint outline of what he refuses to admit in clear lighting.

Ronan Lynch is still a bit of a mystery.  There are so many parts of him that Adam doesn’t understand yet, but he wants to figure them out.  He’s made of sharp edges yet turns to goo at the mention of Matthew. He pretends to be indifferent to band activities but is the one to be sure Noah gets out of bed and eats something on his bad days.  As much as he rolls his eyes whenever Blue and Gansey flirt, there’s a smile hidden underneath. He’s even started to sign autographs and take pictures with people waiting after shows instead of going straight to the bus.

Every night, Adam watches him come alive onstage and thinks I would want if I thought I was allowed.

But he isn’t, of course.  Not only is Ronan an untouchable, wonderful creation, but there’s also the issue of his employment.

Adam shifts again and picks up a noise from the lounge.  It sounds like swearing, and he doesn’t have anything better to do.  Ronan’s bunk is empty above him, so he rolls out from under the covers and slips through the curtain to the lounge.

“Ronan?” Adam asks, squinting at the change of lighting.  Sure enough, the other boy is standing by the mini fridge, a crumpled carton of orange juice in his hand.

“Did I interrupt your sleep, Parrish?” he snaps, throwing the carton into the overflowing garbage can. 

“Kind of, yeah,” he says.  “Have you been to sleep yet?  It’s--” he checks his watch-- “2:24.”

“Do I look like I’ve been to sleep yet?” he growls.  Adam holds up his hands in a pacifying gesture, not that it does any good.  Now that his eyes have adjusted, he can see the notebook with scribbles open on the coffee table and the headphones lying next to it.  There are scraps of paper on the floor, along with what looks like candy bar wrappers. A book is thrown on the couch, although Adam can’t tell if it was Ronan’s or someone else’s, left there earlier in the day.  Probably someone else’s, since Adam isn’t sure if he’s ever actually seen Ronan pick up a book.

“You have an appearance at a radio station in less than 6 hours,” he says.  Ronan glares, and Adam lets it roll off him. Tired Ronan is a very irritated Ronan, and his anger isn’t personal. 

“Fuck the radio appearance,” he bites, turning back to the fridge.  “We’re out of orange juice.”

The bus hits a bump, and Adam stumbles slightly.  Ronan stays exactly as he was, always so steady on his feet.  Adam has felt more and more off balance around him, lately. He’s not sure if he minds.

“We’ll be sure to pick more up when we stop in the morning.”

Ronan gives him a look that plainly says he’s displeased with this response.  Adam looks at the highway signs passing outside the window, then checks his watch again.  Based on the route he had gone over with Jesse, they’re ahead of schedule. 

“If we stop for juice now, will you be on your best behavior tomorrow?” he sighs.  Ronan’s lip curls.

“You sound like Declan.”

“Declan wouldn’t be stopping for orange juice in the middle of the night.  I just don’t want you to be as pissy to everyone else are you are to me right now.”

Ronan puts his right hand up and his other over his heart.  “I swear I won’t be pissy to anyone except you tomorrow,” he mocks.  Adam rolls his eyes, but goes to the front to ask Jesse if they can take the next exit with a 24-hour grocery store or gas station.  Jesse nods, and within five minutes they pull into a parking lot.

“We’ll be back.  I have my phone if anyone needs us,” Adam tells the driver before jogging off the bus to follow Ronan, who is already entering the store.

“How much are you planning on buying?” he asks, seeing as Ronan has already commandeered a shopping cart.  He looks at Adam over his shoulder.

“We have six young adults on that bus and Henry is a bottomless pit.  Might as well stock up while we’re here.”

Adam shrugs in agreement and follows him into the store.  Immediately, Ronan picks up one of the bunches of bananas by the door and puts then in the cart.

“Bananas?” he asks.

“For Henry,” Ronan replies, moving on to the rest of the produce.  “Do you think he’ll like peaches or apples better?”

“Apples, as long as they’re crunchy.  He was talking about celery the other day, too.”  Adam appreciates that at least one person in the band enjoys fruits and vegetables.  Their food supply otherwise is not the healthiest.

“Stop being so smart, Parrish,” Ronan says as he heads towards the apples.  There’s no bite to these words, and Adam smiles. 

After getting a few apples and a very minimal amount of celery, they wander to the cereal aisle for a box of Cheerios for Noah.

“He eats them dry and gets crumbs all over the bunks,” Ronan grumbles, but he grabs the biggest box size, then after a second adds a box of the honey flavored.  Next was yogurt for Gansey and Blue (“for their weird-ass mating ritual”) and pads for Blue (“you should have heard her bitching when she last had her period and thought she didn’t have enough. We only have one in the cupboard right now”). 

“Do we have room in the fridge for all of this yogurt and more than one carton of orange juice?” Adam asks, eyeing the different brands.

“We’d better,” Ronan says, opening the cooler and tossing two cartons into the cart.  They’re not the most expensive, but they also aren’t the least. Adam marvels at the luxury Ronan has of not looking at price, just going off of quality and preference.

“Keep up, Parrish,” Ronan calls over his shoulder, snapping Adam out of his thoughts.  He catches up to him as he’s putting a 24 pack of Coke into the cart.

“I’ve never really seen the appeal of pop,” Adam remarks absently.  Ronan raises his eyebrows.

“Could’ve fooled me, Coca Cola,” he replies, tugging lightly at the hem of Adam’s shirt.  He turns away quickly, and Adam is grateful that his blush won’t be noticed. He had forgotten that he was only wearing pyjamas when he stepped off the bus and suddenly feels a lot more exposed under the florescent lights of the grocery store. 

“We should check out,” he mumbles, scrawny arms folding over his chest.  “We need to stay on schedule.”

Ronan thunders ahead silently.  Adam quickly ducks back to the health aisle to grab a box of Band Aids, since what they have now probably won’t be enough for the entire band given how much Noah enjoys trying to trip Henry when he walks.  When he catches up to the check out, he’s surprised to see the young cashier smiling widely at Ronan, and Ronan not scowling back.

“I’m actually going to see you guys tomorrow.  I’m so excited, you guys are my number one on the list of bands I want to see live!” she babbles, and Adam suddenly understands why Ronan isn’t being as prickly as usually.

“It’s a good show,” he says, a little stiffly, like he isn’t used to talking without knives.

“The Raven King is amazing live,” Adam says, putting the Band Aids on the belt.  “It’s totally worth the travel.” 

“This is Adam,” Ronan says, digging around in his pocket and producing a wallet.

“I recognize you from Instagram!  You’ve been on there a lot lately,” she says.  Adam needs to take a second to recover from that revelation.  He knew that Noah and Henry have been engaging in their social media more and that he’s ended up in some shots simply because he’s around the band so much, but that doesn’t make being recognized by a stranger any more surreal.  By the time he can even begin to think of something to say Ronan has already swiped his card and the transaction is underway. 

“I just want to say thank you,” the cashier says as the receipt is printing.  “I’ve been having a hard time lately and your new album has really been helping me through and like, you guys just mean so much to me and so many other people and I thought you should know.  So yeah.”

She flushes, and Ronan nods at her.

“Thanks. I’ll be sure to tell the rest of the band.  Enjoy the show tomorrow.”

He starts pushing the cart towards the entrance, and Adam bids a quick good night to the cashier before following, jogging a bit to catch up.  He glances back at her and sees her standing with a hand on her forehead, overwhelmed.

“You handled that pretty well,” Adam says.  Ronan grunts. “Does it happen often?”

“Not to me.  Gansey gets it the most.”

The night air hits them and Adam breathes in deep.  It’s nice to be outside, even if only for a few moments.  Adam is used to being able to study on the quad, in the sunshine, and the air on the bus gets stuffy during their longer drives.

The bus is parked in the back of the parking lot, on the top of a slight hill.  Adam unloads, then reaches for the cart to take it back before Ronan stops him.

“Get in,” he says.

“What?” Adam asks.

“Get in the cart, Parrish.  Trust me.”

He jiggles the cart a bit, as if that will somehow make it more enticing.  Adam looks from the shopping cart to the gleam in Ronan’s eye, then gets in.  Ronan tilts it forward to make it easier, then he’s sitting down and facing forward, hands clutching the sides.  Ronan doesn’t give him any warning before taking off, giving them a bit of momentum before turning to send them down the hill, leaning forward to propel them faster.

Ronan whoops.  It’s free and unguarded, and he’s leaning far enough over Adam that he almost feels it more than hears it with the wind rushing past his ears.  They hit a bump that makes Adam yelp and cover his nose and mouth in case of a crash, and then Ronan is laughing. It’s so distracting that Adam doesn’t even notice that they’ve slowed down until Ronan hops off the back to push the cart manually.  When they get to the cart return, Ronan unceremoniously dumps the cart on its side. 

“Asshole!” Adam yells, barely letting go of the side in time to avoid his fingers getting crushed and tumbling out.  Ronan laughs again as he rights the cart, now Adam-less. He offers him a hand and pulls him up, still grinning.

“Well that was fun,” he says cheerily, and Adam can’t help but smile in return.

“That’s one word for it,” he says.  He doesn’t realize that he’s still holding on to Ronan’s hand until the other boy snatches it away to put the cart in its proper place. 

Jesse offers them an amused look as he starts the bus, pulling out of the parking lot as Ronan opens the orange juice, almost causing him to spill on himself as he takes a swig.

“Radio show in 5 hours now,” Adam says.  “Bed?”

Ronan rolls his eyes, but puts the juice in the fridge and heads to the bathroom in back.  Adam lays down in his own bunk and thinks of Ronan buying groceries for his bandmates and laughing while pushing Adam in a shopping cart.  He thinks of Ronan’s hand in his and the way his eyes had just barely widened before he pulled away.

When Ronan climbs into the bunk above him, Adam finally drifts off to sleep.

-/-

Orlando, Florida

“How does it feel knowing that you’ll be ending this tour with Madison Square Garden?” the interviewer asks.  Henry answers for the band, and Adam feels Ronan’s eyes slide over to him, bored but at least not being overly obvious about it.  So far the morning is going well. Ronan was a bit sulky when Adam woke him up, but true to his promise the only person he really acted out against was Adam, and even that wasn’t bad.  The interviewer is chipper, but not obnoxiously so for this time in the morning, and the questions are largely unique and insightful ones focused on the music. 

It’s Gansey who ends up turning it personal, when the interviewer asks if they have any specific inspiration for their songs on Cabeswater like they had for Glendower .

“A lot of them are inspired by experience, actually,” Gansey says, and Adam barely notices the tension enter Ronan’s shoulders.  Given the actual meaning behind some of the songs, this doesn’t surprise him, although Adam trusts Gansey to understand what things should be private.

“We’re very honest in our writing.  While a lot of songs on our first album specifically took inspiration from the legend of the sleeping king Glendower and ideas surrounding that, this album is a lot more personal.  We really took the time to reflect on what has happened in our own lives and turned that into music,” Gansey says.

“Do you have any examples you’re willing to share?” the interviewer asks.  At least it sounds as if they have the choice not to answer. Gansey glances at Blue before he responds.

“‘Quiet’ actually is inspired by a current relationship.  It’s about finding the one person who you feel completely calm and settled around, and I didn’t really experience that fully until I met this girl,” he says.

It’s Henry who gives away the fact that this is a surprise, because his eyebrows shoot up.  Ronan and Noah have carefully constructed neutral faces, although Noah’s eyes widen slightly where he’s staring at his microphone.

Everyone in the room except the interviewer knows that the song is really about Blue, but no one actually expected Gansey to say it.

Except, perhaps, for Blue herself.  She doesn't seem surprised at all, instead offering Gansey a small smile.

“And you’re dating this girl?” the interviewer asks.  Gansey nods, and that makes even Ronan have a bit of a reaction.

Apparently, Blue and Gansey have really sorted their stuff out and decided not to enlighten the rest of the band.

“Anyone else off the market?” the interviewer asks.  “Your fans always want to know. They keep tweeting us to ask about it.”

“I’ve got a boyfriend,” Blue says.  “Might be my soulmate.”

Gansey’s eyes brighten considerably, and now even the interviewer looks startled at the blasé way that she makes this statement.

“Oh,” the interviewer says.  “How exactly do you meet your soulmate in between making an album and touring the world?”

“He can pop up in the most random places,” she says.  The interviewer looks perplexed and ready to keep the line of questioning going when Noah offers a distraction. 

“Ronan’s working on something,” he says suddenly.

Ronan’s eyes slide over to Adam before he glares at Noah, and something shifts deep inside Adam’s chest.  He doesn’t hear Ronan’s response, Mr. Gray grumbling next to him, or the entire rest of the interview. All he can hear are the words Ronan’s working on something and a rushing in his ears, because they were talking about romantic relationships and Ronan looked right at him .

It’s not a big stretch to make.  There have been a few looks here and there, a few brushes of the hand and pressing together of legs on the couch in the lounge.  Adam thinks back to last night and the way Ronan tugged at the hem of his shirt before abruptly turning away. He thinks of three days ago, when Ronan had set his guitar in Adam’s lap and showed him how to hold it and strum.  Adam really doesn’t have any musical talent, but Noah snapped a picture of him attempting to learn and put it on the band’s instagram. In it, Ronan is smiling. He thinks back to their first hotel night and the way Ronan kept his gaze as the night got longer, something in his eyes that Adam hasn’t seen when he looks at anyone else.

It’s one thing to think about Ronan when he’s a pipe dream; it’s an entirely different thing to consider him when he’s so close in reach.

“Adam?” Mr. Gray asks, touching his elbow and startling him out of his thoughts.

“Yes, sorry,” he says automatically.  Mr. Gray frowns.

“Did you know that Ronan has a crush on someone?”

Adam shakes his head.

“Maybe Noah is just making things up to distract from Gansey and Blue,” he says, but it sounds weak even to his own ears.  One glance at Mr. Gray says that he finds it weak, as well.

“Well, if anyone would know, it’s you,” Mr. Gray says.  “After all, you haven’t left his side since tour started, unless Ronan has managed to sneak off without you noticing." 

“No, sir,” Adam says faintly.   “I would know.”

Ronan catches his eye again, and Adam finds it a bit hard to breathe.

-/-

They spent the day as the whole band around the city with Jesse, and as nice as being out in the open was, Adam is glad that for soundcheck and the concert he’s mostly off to the side.  He feels tense around Ronan, and he needs time to figure things out himself, without constant distractions by the rest of the band.

Ronan isn’t acting any differently towards him, but he can’t help but think that he might have caught on that something is off.  Adam’s discretion can only take him so far, and he doesn’t trust it to guard against this. When he takes his usual spot next to Persephone for sound check, he’s just glad that the space provides some distance from the subject of all his current racing thoughts.

“Maybe you should talk to him,” Persephone says as soon as he sits down, ruining the illusion that anywhere is safe for him right now.

“I’m not sure that’s the best idea,” he replies.  “Things could get messy.”

Persephone nods.

“Ronan loves with his entire heart.  To pursue something with him without being prepared for that would be unwise.”

Adam opens his mouth to respond, then closes it again.  There really isn’t a response that he has for that.

“Oh look,” Persephone says.  “Noah wants Blue’s microphone turned up.”

Onstage, Noah is keeping the beat with the base drum and high hat but is alternating between holding his hand up to his ear in the signal for a phone and pointing it upwards.  After Persephone adjusts, he gives her a thumbs up and the soundcheck routine continues. Persephone doesn’t say anything to Adam for the rest of the night except to ask Adam to help with microphone adjustments during the cover song, one that utilizes everyone’s voice on the chorus to create a rich harmony.

“Good job,” Adam says after the concert, as usual.  Ronan has taken to staying behind as everyone else runs for the shower, solidifying himself as last in line but giving them a few moments alone each night.  Adam wasn’t sure if he was going to do that today, but here they are, facing each other like things haven’t been stilted between them all day.

“I fucked up in ‘Safe as Life,’” Ronan says.  Adam shrugs.

“I didn’t notice, so it must not have been that bad.”

“You’ve heard it a million times.  I doubt you’re paying attention at this point,” Ronan scoffs.

“I’m always paying attention to you,” Adam says before he can stop himself.  Ronan freezes, just for a moment, but when he breathes again it’s more relaxed than Adam has seen him be all day.

“You don’t know shit about music, so your opinion still doesn’t matter,” he says, and Adam snorts.

“You can keep being wrong if you want, but it doesn’t negate the fact that your mistake wasn’t a big deal, and I know enough about music to know that.”

“I can keep being wrong?” Ronan asks, and that’s all the warning Adam gets before Ronan’s sweaty tank top is being shoved in his face and Ronan is demanding that he admit defeat.  Adam struggles away, laughing, and whips the shirt at him once he gets it.

“Get out of here.  You smell atrocious!” he says, still laughing.

“You wish you smelled this good,” Ronan replies on his way out the door.  Adam almost can’t stand how much he wants to pull him back and kiss him.

-/-

Austin, Texas

Adam’s birthday passes without anyone realizing, and he likes it that way.  He has a feeling that the band would find a way to make it a big deal if they knew, and the thought alone makes him uncomfortable, so he celebrates by mentally congratulating himself on surviving another 365 days and getting a small dessert when they stop for dinner.  Two days later they’re in Texas, and Adam has managed to forget everything except Ronan, because he’s been pacing and chewing at his bracelets for days on end and it only seems to be getting worse. 

“Hey,” Adam says when the rest of the band has gone to watch the opener, catching Ronan on his way out the door of the dressing room.  “Hang on a sec. What’s wrong?”

“Shut up.  Don’t worry about it,” Ronan grumbles.

“No, seriously,” Adam says, taking Ronan’s wrist and pulling him a few more steps into the room and the privacy they’ve been offered there.  “I haven’t seen you this jumpy since tour started.”

“It’s nothing.  You’ll find out tonight.”

“It’s not nothing.  It’s obviously something if there’s anything to find out and it’s got you worked up for days.”

Ronan turns his hand around where it’s between them, fingers brushing the underside of Adam’s wrist.  He hadn’t realized that he was still holding on, but the gentle touch of Ronan’s callused fingertips has all of his nerves standing on edge.  He swallows hard and tries to focus on the issue at hand.

“You’ll find out tonight.  I promise,” Ronan says. Adam frowns.

“Are you in danger in any way?” he asks.  Ronan shakes his head. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.  Gansey knows, okay?  If you don’t trust me then at least trust him.”  Ronan takes his arm back and starts to head to the door, but Adam rushes to block his way, stopping him with a hand on his chest.

“It’s not a matter of trust, okay?  I trust you, I just get nervous when you’re nervous.  If you’re sure everything is fine I’ll let it go, but I just want things to be fine with you .  If you want me to drop it, I will.  I trust you.”

“That’s a first.  Weren’t you hired because I can’t be trusted?” Ronan snorts.

“Maybe I was.  But you’ve done nothing while I’m here that indicates you can’t be trusted.  I’ve got no reason to doubt you, so I don’t. The hardest part of my job is waking you up in the morning.”

“Think we’re paying you too much, then.”

“No, I deserve every penny of that.  You’re a nightmare at 7 am.”

Ronan snorts, and it breaks the tension enough that Adam doesn’t feel he has to suppress his smile.

“You’re a nightmare all the time.”

“You can keep being wrong if you want,” Adam says, and Ronan doesn’t have a sweaty tank top to shove in his face this time but he does have a hand that he can use to push him away.  He does so with gusto but while snorting in amusement, so Adam thinks they’re good.

“Adam?” Ronan asks after a second.

“Yeah?”

“Watch from the side today, not the sound board.”

Adam frowns.

“Okay.  Why?”

Ronan shrugs.

“Easy to make a quick escape if you need to.  Good view of things. On hand in case Noah needs something.  It’s a big list.”

“Alright.  I’ll watch from backstage tonight.”

Ronan nods, then moves towards the door.  This time, Adam doesn’t try to stop him.

-/-

Adam finally understands the reason for Ronan’s nervousness right after “Quiet”.  Instead of the usual bid for the rest of the band to come out, Noah and Henry stay firmly planted by Adam backstage.  Gansey leans towards his microphone to speak.

“Usually here we go into our cover for the night, but tonight we have something special first.  We have a new song for you, never before heard outside the band.”

The screams are deafening, and when they diminish it’s Ronan who continues talking.

“This one is called “The Ocean Burned”.  Part of it is a secret, and part of it is a birthday present, two days late because this asshole didn’t tell anyone about it." 

Ronan glances offstage, right where Adam is standing, then begins strumming his guitar.  Every sound fades until all Adam can hear is the sound of gentle strumming and the rasp of Ronan’s voice when he starts to sing.

He sings about love being an oil spill, overwhelming and all encompassing.  He sings about the spark that comes from brushing hands, a small act with debilitating consequences.  He sings about adrenaline rushes and eyes as deep as the ocean and stability, and he sings about everything Adam has been feeling for the past few weeks.  He sings about the ocean burning.

Blue is silent on this one, only adding an additional guitar part where it benefits from sounding full rather than vulnerable.  Gansey sings harmony, but it’s Ronan’s song. It’s so obviously Ronan’s song that Adam aches with it.

When the last notes fade out, Ronan keeps his eyes closed for a second.  As Henry and Noah walk on during the cheering and screaming, he finally opens them and looks backstage, directly at Adam.  Adam can’t quite get his breath back. He wants to go to Ronan now, to assure him that he feels the same and maybe kiss him a bit, just to solidify the point more, but there’s still half a concert to get through.  For now, Adam cracks a smile as well as he can, and there must be something else in his expression because Ronan’s shoulders lower the slightest bit.

The cover that night has an infectious joy that comes with Henry’s trumpet and the twang of a banjo, something that Adam didn’t know Ronan can play and had on hand.  This delightful energy carries through the rest of the concert, all through the encore, with the crowd screaming as the band bows. They’re offering their hearts, and Adam knows that his is right there alongside.  He wants to let Ronan hold it in his palms and keep it safe for him until further notice. Possibly for forever. 

The band flies offstage with as much gusto as usual, laughing and chatting and giving Adam slaps on the back as they pass.  Adam can’t bring himself to respond properly, eyes seeking out Ronan, chest tight until Ronan stops right in front of him, always the last one offstage and the last one to the showers. 

“Hey.”

“Ronan,” Adam says thickly.  “That was… that was…”

Ronan snorts.

“That bad, huh?”

“No!  That good!” 

Adam doesn’t know if he’s ever wanted to do anything as much as he wants to kiss Ronan right at this moment, even with him smelling like he just played a full set under hot lights and with the crew still bustling around them.

“Ronan,” Mr. Gray calls, walking over and effectively ruining the moment.  “Next time, tell me when you plan to debut a song at a concert before it happens.  Manager knows what the band knows. You’re lucky that Persephone takes things in stride and adjusted mics accordingly.”

Ronan rolls his eyes.

“Persephone probably knew somehow.  We leaving for the hotel soon?”

“As soon as you two get on the bus.  The others all want to shower there, and crew knows that you guys want a night in.  Unless that’s changed?”

Ronan glances at Adam, then nods.

“Night in.”

They head to the bus, a careful distance between them.

Maybe it’s for the best that they were interrupted.  Ronan has already bared his soul enough for the day. He deserves some privacy for whatever conversation is about to happen.

The ride to the hotel is blessedly short, and the rest of the band lounges and talks around them until they reach their seperate rooms.  Adam and Ronan are in 414, and Ronan immediately drops his bag, grabs a fresh pair of boxers, and heads to the bathroom. The shower turns on a moment later.

Adam is at a bit of a loss, so he puts everything he can in order.  He takes off his shoes and places them neatly by the door. He unpacks his toiletries bag and puts it on the bedside table, and takes his pyjamas out of his duffle, folded neatly and placed under his pillow.  After that, he sits on the bed and waits. The shower turns off a moment later, and from there it's only another minute before Ronan is there, sinking down onto the other bed still damp and slightly shaky.

Ronan is silent.  Adam stares at him and isn’t sure what to say, but he knows that it’s his turn, now.  Ronan has already said all that he should needs to, raw and open and in front of thousands of people.

“Me too,” is what he eventually comes up with.  Ronan raises an eyebrow, but Adam can tell that he’s still on edge.  “What you sang about. Your feelings. I have them for you, too.”

Ronan lets out a shaky breath.

“Okay,” he says, and there’s a hint of relief there.

“You had to have known,” Adam says.  “I don’t think I was very good at keeping it secret.”

“It’s different to hear it from you.  Proves it wasn’t all in my head.”

“It isn’t.  It’s real.”

“Okay.”

Silence.

“We’re kind of bad at this,” Adam says, and that makes Ronan snort a laugh, breaking the tension in the best way.

“Speak for yourself.  I wrote a song and performed it in front of everyone.  That’s romantic as fuck. It’s your turn.”

“My turn?” Adam laughs.

“Woo me,” Ronan says.  He lays back on his bed, similar to that first hotel night from so long ago.

“I’m not one to wax poetic.  It’s even harder when all I’ve thought about since your song is how much I want to kiss you.”  Ronan freezes where he was shifting and turns his head enough to make eye contact. 

“Then do it.”

Adam’s own breath catches in his throat.

He’s so used to working relentlessly for months to get things he wants, through sleepless nights and various sacrifices along the way.  To think that none of that was required for the chance to kiss Ronan, just his existence and their mutual compatibility, makes it all the more sweet.  For once, Adam has the chance for something good in his life without having to put everything else in the balance, because Ronan wants to kiss him.

Adam moves until he’s looming over Ronan by the side of his bed, kneeling to lessen the distance.  His heart is fluttering in his chest, and Ronan almost doesn’t seem to be breathing. Adam isn’t sure what to do with his hands, so he brings one up to the side of Ronan’s face, letting his thumb brush over a cheekbone.  Ronan exhales with the hint of a smile. Adam takes that as his green light and presses their lips together.

It’s sweet, sweet enough that Adam’s toes curl in delight.  It feels like when he was first learning how to swim and jumped into the deep end of the pool, only to discover that he floated just as well there as in the shallows.  There’s the same sense of security and weightlessness, except it isn’t water keeping him up now, it’s Ronan: Ronan’s soft lips against his, his hands on Adam’s upper back, his noise of contentment that Adam doesn’t even know if he was supposed to hear.

Eventually, Ronan’s hands slide down his back to his hips, tugging Adam up and over so he’s laying on the other side of Ronan’s bed.  The kiss breaks, and Adam watches Ronan’s eyelids flutter open. He wants to do something ridiculous, like kiss Ronan’s nose or trace every inch of his tattoo.  He settles for kissing him some more.

They don’t move much beyond that, but they also don’t get much sleep at all.  Still, it’s the best night that Adam can remember.

-/-

New York, New York

“Ronan,” Adam calls softly, rubbing a hand up and down the length of his arm.  “You have to get up.”

“I should have you fired,” is the response he gets, muffled against his chest.  “I don’t gotta do shit.”

“You have to play Madison Square Garden tonight.  Also, let me up. I have to pee.”

“Five more minutes.”

“That’s what you said ten minutes ago.”

“Bullshit.  I wasn’t awake ten minutes ago.”

“Hope you’re decent, curtain opening!” Henry calls before wrenching the curtain of Ronan’s bunk open.  He peeks through his fingers until he can tell that clothes and covers are, in fact, present, then grins too widely for even Adam this early.

“Mr. Gray wants us all to have breakfast, get those fine butts to the lounge!”

“Piss off,” Ronan grumbles.

“Okay, go away,” Adam says, which honestly isn’t that much better.  Henry leaves laughing. Ronan grumbles again, then sighs and moves enough that Adam can actually see his face.

“Last day of tour,” Ronan says.

“I have some time before college restarts,” Adam reminds him.

They’ve talked about the future a bit, but also have avoided the topic like the plague at as many opportunities as possible,  Still, in moments like this, it’s hard for Adam to worry. Ronan is pressed against him, both of then crammed into the same bunk simply because they like each other that much.  The band is in the other room, their voices drifting past the curtain, a soundtrack that Adam knows Ronan is used to and will be hearing for years to come. When Adam remembers how good things are here, it makes it easier to believe that they’ll survive a little bit of distance once school restarts and the band continues in their projects.

“Hey, get up!  Mr. Gray won’t let us eat until we’re all here,” Noah yells, and Ronan rolls his eyes but begins the process of detangling their limbs.  Before he can go too far, Adam leans forward and presses a kiss to his cheek. Ronan turns his head a bit so their lips line up, and Adam smiles.

“I love you,” Ronan says softly, a habit that they’ve been getting into recently.

“Music to my ears,” Adam replies.  

“Nevermind, I take it back.”  Ronan nearly falls out of the bunk in his newfound haste to get away.  Adam follows, laughing, and stops him before he can get too far. He presses a gentle kiss to Ronan’s lips.

“I love you, too.”

Ronan hums in contentment, and it’s the sweetest sound Adam has ever heard.