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Haru sat on the final train he’d taken to get back home from Tokyo, watching the scenery go by in a blur. His mind felt the same way. There was an awful lot to think about because he was finally returning home for good. Going to culinary school in Japan, working in world famous restaurants, clubbing with a string of high octane lovers who Haru hadn’t ever cared much about….
All that had been great for a few years. But two weeks ago, he’d come to the sudden realization – mid-fuck no less – that it wasn’t enough. Something was missing from his Tokyo life that Haru just couldn’t do without anymore, that he craved with surprising ferocity. The day after this epiphany, Haru had quit his job at the famous restaurant Kozue and began saying goodbye to the city he’d come to kind of enjoy.
A woman’s voice announced that they would be arriving at the train station in five minutes. Haru’s heart rate spiked, though he couldn’t understand why. He hadn’t told anyone that he was moving back yet, so there would be no one to greet him at the station. The train rounded a corner and the ocean came into view; Haru couldn’t help but smile. His water senses must be the reason why his heart thumped hard against his chest; he loved this stretch of ocean as much as he loved the tasty mackerel swimming underneath his water’s surface. And this stretch of ocean in particular was so closely associated with the person he’d come back for, it was like Haru was seeing him again after so much time. Maybe it was that certain person who’d made the ocean special. What a concept!
All his feelings were pleasantly jumbled up and Haru decided not to think too much about them yet.
The train slowed down as it glided into the station and within minutes, Haru found himself standing on the same old platform, watching the train move on to its next destination.
“Haru?” a familiar voice called out behind him.
Haru spun around to find Rin – proudly bedecked in a police uniform - standing a few feet away, staring at him in disbelief.
“Rin?” Haru peeped in surprise. The last person on earth he’d expect to run into here was Officer Rin but there he was, bounding over to Haru with a big, pointy smile plastered across his face. Before Haru knew what was going on, Rin’s arms were crushing Haru in an excited embrace.
“What are you doing here!?” he asked with a laugh, “I haven’t seen you around in ages!”
Rin let Haru go though Rin’s massive smile remained.
“I’ve come home.” Haru said simply. Rin considered this for a moment before nodding in approval.
“I’m glad to hear it. It will be nice to have you around. How long are you here for?”
“It depends on how things go, but hopefully forever.”
Rin gave him a perplexed look but knew Haru well enough that he didn’t ask for any further explanations.
“Alright then. Last time I talked to you was right after the Olympics, right?”
Both Haru and Rin blushed, remembering the terrible fight they’d had over the phone on that particular occasion, “Well as you can see, I became a police officer after I retired. Sousuke came with me and he’s my partner,” Rin’s cheeks flushed up further and he couldn’t quite suppress a smile. All this Haru found highly annoying, as he’d always found Souske and Rin’s relationship.
Rin continued, oblivious to Haru’s scowl, “Sousuke’s actually waiting for me in our patrol car. I have to go, but it was great seeing you and I’m going to see you again soon! No getting out of it; I’ve got your number still! I think drinks tomorrow night, don’t you?”
Haru nodded seriously.
“I look forward to it, Rin. It was good seeing you again.”
“You too, Haru, bye for now!”
Haru smiled as he watched Rin wave goodbye and then disappear into the crowd. Every time Haru was reunited with Rin, his oldest rival seemed to be happier. It was really nice to see him smiling so openly and easily, just like he had in grade school.
For three years after high school, Haru had seen Rin everyday because Rin had coerced Haru, Makoto, and Sousuke to train with him at the national level. All three of them had the time standards, but Rin was really the driving force behind their team and it was for Rin that everyone else dragged their tired bodies to practice every morning. Those years had been a golden time for Haru; they’d all won great glory together, had some truly terrifying free relays, and lived in a really great Tokyo apartment together. Haru had never really gotten along with Sousuke, probably because he may or may not be slightly jealous of his special connection with Rin, but the other members of their training group had made Sousuke bearable.
Then, Makoto’s rotator cuff tore and everything unraveled. Two surgeries and lots of physical therapy later, Makoto had to finally accept defeat and quietly went back home, saying goodbye to everyone in a heartbreaking note he’d left on the refrigerator. (Haru still had the note carefully tucked in his wallet) After Makoto’s devastating exit, Haru lost interest in racing. Rin became increasingly frustrated with Haru’s lack of motivation and Sousuke, of course, took Rin’s side. Six months later, Haru was unpacking his belongings in the dorm of his new culinary school, trying to escape swimming and his missing Makoto. Rin had been furious with Haru for leaving, especially because it was nine months away from the 2020 Tokyo Olympics. The last time they’d talked, right after Rin’s last race at the games, it hadn’t ended well.
Rin had been great in his country’s Olympics – 11th in the 100 fly, 12th in the 100 free, 24th in the 200 fly, 5th in the 400 Medley Relay. So it was a huge shock when Haru found out that Rin was retiring. Haru had often wondered what Rin had done with himself – no matter how hard he’d tried, he hadn’t been able to figure it out. Being a police officer somehow seemed to suit Rin, so Haru had to be happy for him, even if a big part of that happiness seemed to come from his partner Sousuke.
While Haru had been remembering the past, the train platform had emptied, leaving Haru alone in the golden, evening light. Haru quietly gathered his things and made his way to the house he now officially owned where he took a nice long bath. Only when he’d soaked for a good hour and made himself some Mackerel did he feel truly at home again.
Over the course of the next week, Haru stayed mostly to himself except for when he began his new job at Iwatobi’s premier cafe. The one exception was when Haru got drinks with Rin and Sousuke. Mostly it was pleasant; they had a few laughs about their old training days together and Haru was surprised how well he was getting along with Sousuke. When last Haru had seen Rin, they’d screamed terrible things to each other so it was really, really nice to be friends with him again. Haru hadn’t realized how much he needed to reconcile with Rin until now. Even Sousuke was surprisingly pleasant. He seemed particularly interested in Haru’s post-swimming, Tokyo life:
“Being a chef must be a lot of fun. What was it like?” Sousuke asked.
“It was good. We worked late, then we would go to bars or go dancing or do karaoke afterwards. Then I slept late, went for a swim, and started the day all over again. It was fun.”
Rin laughed, “Not much time in there for love, is there?”
Haru shook his head, “Of course there was. There were lots of guys to sleep with. No love, but I guess lots of opportunities to sleep with hot guys. I don’t see how the two of you have managed to only sleep with each other while you were living in Tokyo.”
Rin and Sousuke both turned a furious shade of red and exchanged a side long look they both hoped Haru hadn’t noticed. Neither of them had officially told Haru they were together, but Haru had lived in the same apartment with them for years and had shared a wall with Rin. It had always been pretty obvious to Haru that they were together and it was kind of hilarious seeing them so embarrassed.
“Guys,” he said, trying to sound as bored as possible, “I know you two are together so just stop it. I’ve always known. We can move on.”
Rin smirked. Everything was ok.
“Fine. That’s the big secret but I guess it wasn’t much of a secret after all. Well while we are being honest, I want to ask you something I’ve always really wanted to know. Did you and Makoto ever hook up? I could never figure it out.”
Now it was Haru’s turn to blush. To play it off cool, Haru took a long swig of his drink.
“No,” Haru admitted, working very hard to keep his voice steady, “We almost kissed once, but we got interrupted by Nagisa and Rei.”
Haru could still remember that night, during their second year training camp when Makoto had nearly drowned. It was a memory that still haunted him, both because of the fear he felt about Makoto almost drowning and because of how close he’d come to putting his lips on Makoto’s. Even if it was for CPR. That was probably the first time Haru had felt desire for a non-water entity in his entire life and that desire had only grown as they continued through high school and then afterwards in Tokyo. It had become pretty unbearable towards the end.
That’s why Haru could understand why Rin looked surprised.
“You’re kidding!” Rin cried in disbelief, “How is that even possible!? You two have been like a married couple since grade school and not once did you guys do anything!? He only ever swam because of you!”
“I know that,” Haru snapped angrily, “I was just always worried about what would happen if something did happen and Makoto would never make the first move.”
Rin smiled, not at Haru but at Sousuke, “I guess that’s true. Shame though, you two could have really had something.”
He ran his hand across Sousuke’s cheek and let it trail down Sousuke’s neck until it reached his shoulder, where it rested for the time being. Sousuke looked infinitely pleased with himself. Haru wanted to throw up.
“Is Makoto the reason you’re back?” Sousuke asked. Sousuke had an uncomfortable habit of cutting straight to the truth of things, no matter how awkward it made any conversation.
Rin turned his attention back to Haru, his eyes wide with amazement.
“Yes.” Haru said softly, tilting his head down so his blush wasn’t so obvious, “I’ve come back to win Makoto’s heart again and be his boyfriend. If he wants me.”
Instantly Rin and Sousuke began howling with laughter and Haru regretted agreeing to get drinks with them.
“That’s fantastic!” cackled Rin, “Just wait until Nagisa, Rei, and Gou hear about this! Gou is in New York, but she’ll be excited for Makoto! She’s always worrying about Makoto’s heart! And Nagisa and Rei are going to be coming in two weeks! They are going to flip out! Oh man, I’m going to tell Nagisa right now!”
Haru watched in horror as Rin fished out his phone and sent a few hurried texts off. Desperately Haru tried to snatch the cursed phone out of Rin’s hand, but Sousuke with his superior wing span held Haru at bay, smirking the whole time. Stupid Sousuke! Stupid Rin!
“Done!” Rin announced triumphantly as he snapped his phone close. Literal seconds later, Rin received a text back and Haru knew it just had to be Nagisa. Haru sat back in his chair, defeated. He did not want to know what little devil astronaut had to say.
Their waitress reappeared at their table as Rin and Sousuke read Nagisa’s text together, giggling ridiculously.
“Can I get you anything else?” she asked.
Haru grabbed his wallet and put all the money he had on him in her hand.
“We’re done. Goodbye.”
The poor waitress watched in confusion as Haru got up and left the table, leaving Rin and Sousuke behind, besides themselves with laughter.
Haru had always been confident with water but not so much with people. He usually didn’t see the point and often wished people would just go away and leave him alone. However over the next two weeks, Haru avoided everyone for quite the opposite reason. He cared a lot about what Makoto would say and he really wanted to see Makoto, get everything out in the open and started. But the longer he waited, the more nervous Haru became. What if Makoto didn’t want him? Had never wanted him? It didn’t help that Rin would not stop pestering Haru about it:
-Haru I’m so happy for you! Makoto and you will be great for each other! When are you going to see him?
-Haru stop being such a baby! When are you going to go see Makoto?
-HARU STOP IGNORING ME!!!!!!!!!
-I SWEAT IF YOU DON’T GO SEE MAKOTO SOON I’M GOING TO HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!!!
-I won’t do anything, I just am really excited! Makoto has been so lonely since he came back. He wouldn’t ever say it but I know he’s missed you lots. And you’ve missed him too. I know it. Just go see him, ok?
-HARU!!!!!!!!!!
-YOU ARE REALLY STARTING TO PISS ME OFF!!!! ANSWER ME!!!!!!
-FINE! if that’s how you want to play it, let’s settle the score once and for all. Meet me at the Iwatobi Swim Club and we’ll race a 100 free for it….if I win (and I will) you have to go see Makoto immediately. If you win (and you won’t) I’ll leave you alone. Just race me.
-RACE ME YOU JERK!!!!!
-HARU!!!!! WE AREN’T SPEAKING!!!!!
-Haru…please go see Makoto.
-If you love Makoto, you’ll go see him at the fire station tonight.
-HARU YOU ARE SO ANNOYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Haru didn’t answer one text message. It wasn’t that he wasn’t dying to see Makoto…he was…but announcing his intentions to Rin made it feel real, like Haru had now or never. Haru just wasn’t ready yet. So Rin waited impatiently, texting Haru several times a day for two weeks. Haru took it as a really terrible sign when, after two weeks, the texts suddenly stopped. In and of itself, Haru would have thought this sudden silence was a demonstration of Rin’s anger. But this sudden ceasefire coincided with the planned return of Nagisa and Rei. Haru knew better than to think Nagisa was quietly minding his own business somewhere.
Two days after Rin’s last text, Haru was working, quietly flipping fried rice with seafood when a bus boy came up to Haru.
“Haruka-senpai, there is a very loud, blond man demanding to see you out on the veranda.”
Haru’s heart sank to the bottom of his stomach.
That could only be Nagisa.
Haru’s day of reckoning was at hand.
“Aobe-senpai. I’m going to take my lunch after I plate this rice.”
Just as predicted, Nagisa was sitting out on the veranda, furiously looking through a menu. Rei and Rin were also sitting at the table, catching up and reminiscing about their shared passion for butterfly. Haru found himself sorely disappointed that Makoto wasn’t with them. He’d thought surely Nagisa would have planned this surprise visit to Haru’s restaurant so Haru had to see Makoto but apparently not. Haru hadn’t been realizing how much he’d been hoping for just such a sneak attack.
“HARU-CHAN!!!!!!” Nagisa squealed as soon as he saw Haru. All the other customers in the restaurant turned to look at them. How embarrassing.
“Nagisa. Rei. Good to see you.” Haru replied quietly.
“HARU-CHAN!!!! We haven’t seen you in years and years and years and all you have to say is GOOD TO SEE YOU?!” Nagisa whined, “Don’t you have any feelings for your oldest friends at all or did Tokyo completely erase all the love you had for us from your heart?”
Rin snickered, “Nagisa, don’t you remember why he’s back? It’s the love for certain old friends that forced him to return home?”
“Of course Haru loves Mako-chan! Everyone knows that! But we are friends with Haru-chan too and he doesn’t care at all that he hasn’t seen us in ages!” Nagisa pouted.
“Haru-senpai, it is a pleasure to see you again,” Rei butted in before Nagisa could complain anymore, “How are you liking your new job here?”
“I like it.” Haru answered as he looked over Rei, “You seem to be doing quite well for yourself.”
Rei adjusted his glasses so the light reflected off them, obscuring his eyes.
“I am! I’ve got two more years on my doctoral thesis on the effects the space environment has on common chemical compounds and then I will have a Ph.D in Astrochemical engineering! I’m hoping to join JAXA so I can go with Nagisa up on the international space station and together we will dance among the stars!”
For once, Nagisa looked a little humbled.
“Rei-chan, you know I still have a long way to go in my Astrobiology program before they will make me an astronaut for real. It will still be a long time to go before I will finally make it up to space.”
Rei put a hand on Nagisa’s shoulder.
“We’ll get there together. I promise.”
Nagisa smiled, then leaned over to give Rei a sweet little kiss. Every time Haru had seen them since they came out as a real couple during their third year of high school, Haru had always been struck by how much they loved each other underneath all the teasing and Nagisa-tomfoolery.
“You two will be real life space husbands,” Rin teased, “I’m sure when your story gets out, some girls somewhere will write fan fic about you two being space pirate husbands or something.”
“We aren’t even married yet!” Rei cried while Nagisa yelled, “You can be a space pirate!?”
“Okay guys, I’m on my lunch,” Haru cut in before Nagisa could find out more about this space pirates thing, “Am I joining you are do I need to go eat on my own before I starve to death?”
Nagisa cackled, “Oh Haru! We didn’t come here to eat with you! We came here to be served by you! We want steak and sandwiches and spaghetti and cappuccinos all around! And don’t forget cake! I want cake!”
“You’re kidding!?” Haru said in disbelief, “But I’m on my lunch break!”
“Well it’s not everyday you get to serve delicious food to your long lost friends who you’ve been neglecting for years! Go get us food!”
Haru looked at Rin for support, but Rin just smiled wickedly and nodded his head in agreement.
Some reunion.
“Fine. I’ll tell my boss that you all are unreasonable and that we will tolerate such terribleness because you guys are going to leave a MASSIVE tip!”
“Don’t forget the cake!” Nagisa sang out at Haru’s retreating back.
‘Stupid Nagisa, stupid Rin, even stupid Rei.’ Haru grumbled to himself as he brought back the last try, complete with cake, ‘They just wanted to torture me, that’s why they’re here.’
Sighing, Haru opened the veranda door for hopefully the last time of this horrible lunch and looked to the table from hell.
Sitting so he was facing him, laughing with Rei, was Makoto.
He was wearing a dark blue shirt and big black overalls, his face covered in soot. On the shirt was the emblem of the Iwatobi Fire Department.
Makoto.
Makoto the Fireman.
He had the same green eyes, the same haircut, the same body that filled space so well. He may have a new job - a pretty sexy new job - but Haru could see that really he was the same as he’d always been. Just Makoto. Wonderful, warm, kind, beautiful Makoto.
For a painfully long second, Makoto didn’t realize Haru was there, he just kept chatting with Rei. But then those magnificent emerald eyes must have sensed a pair of blue ones watching for they slowly looked up until they widened in disbelief at the sight of Haru. Haru was frozen in this excruciating moment caught somewhere between terror and elation.
“Haru-chan?” Makoto cried in disbelief.
Haru’s heart thudded quickly against his chest.
“Makoto. I’m glad to see you,” he managed to say.
Makoto’s mouth turned up in a smile and Haru felt his own mimicking Makoto. After all these years, that smile was still the best thing Haru had ever seen.
Haru could see a thousand questions racing through Makoto’s mind but none of them made it to his mouth. More than anything, Haru wished at this moment they could swim into the ocean together – like mermen – and find some underwater cave somewhere to be together and talk until they couldn’t talk anymore, hidden away from everyone in their own private world. But they weren’t mermen and everyone was watching.
Quietly, Haru took a step forward – it seemed like the only thing to do – and his foot found a crack in the veranda’s brick floor. Probably seeing Makoto again had flustered Haru because he didn’t recover himself with his usual liquid grace. The cake slice Haru had been bringing over went flying and landed straight on Rin’s head.
Oops.
“HARU YOU IDIOT!” screeched Rin, “YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE!”
Haru crossed his arms angrily across his chest and looked to the side in annoyance, forgetting for a second that he was with Makoto again.
“Come on Rin, of course I didn’t dump a piece of cake on your head on purpose. But you deserve it for how annoying you’ve been lately.”
Rin pounded a fist into his right hand aggressively.
“YOU LITTLE SHIT!!! YOU AND MAKOTO ARE MY FRIENDS AND YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD HIM YOU’D COME BACK FOR HIM ALREADY AND NOT MAKE ME GO THROUGH ALL THIS TROUBLE FOR YOU TO SEE EACH OTHER! WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS SO DIFFICULT!”
“Guys, guys!” Makoto interrupted, his hands fluttering wildly in the air, “Please don’t fight!”
Haru and Rin looked at Makoto at the same time making Makoto blush and turn his head down in embarrassment.
“It’s just nice to be back together again,” Makoto said sheepishly, “please don’t fight.”
“Makoto.” Haru said softly it was almost a whisper.
Makoto looked up and Haru could see the tips of his ears turn pink.
“I did come back for you and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was here. I was scared of seeing you again. I didn’t know if you’d be happy to see me again after we haven’t spoken in so long.”
“Haru-chan, of course I’m happy to see you.” Makoto whispered, “But I don’t understand what you mean. You came back to Iwatobi for me?”
Haru took a quick look around and saw that Rin, Nagisa, even Rei were all watching them with broad smiles and too excited eyes. This was one conversation he really did not want an audience for. He would never be able to have it if anyone but Makoto was there.
“Come with me, Makoto.” Haru said as he grabbed Makoto’s hand and whisked him away from the others. Haru could feel their disappointed glares following him.
When Makoto and Haru were safely in the alley behind the kitchen, Haru let Makoto’s hand go and slumped down against the kitchen steps. Makoto took a seat in the alley so he was facing Haru, smiling the smile he saved for Haru as he waited patiently for Haru to begin explaining.
“I’ve missed you Makoto,” Haru began, “I’ve missed you a lot.”
“I’ve missed you too, Haru-chan.” Makoto laughed. Haru’s heart pounded furiously against his chest as he fished inside his coat and pulled out his wallet.
“You left so suddenly from Tokyo, I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye.” Haru said sadly, taking out the letter.
“I couldn’t bring myself to say goodbye,” Makoto said with an unmistakable tint of guilt and an unwelcome frown, “I’ve always wondered what would have happened if I’d said goodbye face to face. Whether I would have been able to.”
“I kept your letter.”
To Makoto Haru handed the small square of paper Haru had poured over for hours and hours, had memorized every crease, every stroke of Makoto’s pen. Makoto looked at the letter in Haru’s hand sadly, his blush becoming more furious as he accepted the letter.
“You got it then,” he said and Haru could just hear the heartbreak in his voice, “I was worried you hadn’t gotten it.”
“Of course I got it. It’s all you left me. It tore me apart and I’ve kept it next to my heart ever since. Rin and Sousuke were touched by it too.”
“They read it!?” Makoto yelped, accidently dropping the letter on the pavement between them.
“You left it for us, why shouldn’t they read it?” Haru asked as he picked this treasured piece of Makoto up off the ground.
Makoto hung his head down and laughed.
“Did you look at the back?” he asked.
“The back?”
Haru unfolded the paper delicately. All that mattered was on the front. Right?
For the billionth time, Haru read through Makoto’s goodbye letter:
I went back to the doctor’s today and they told me that under no circumstances was I ever to swim again. If I damage my shoulder more, he said I wouldn’t be able to lift my arms up at all.
I am very sad about this because that means I can’t be part of your team anymore. Swimming with you has been the best thing in my life for so long, I don’t really know how I’ll live without it or being with the team everyday.
I’m a coward, but I couldn’t face saying goodbye to you face to face. That means leaving is real and I won’t have the courage to go if it feels so real. You mean the world to me.
I love you.
I hope one day we’ll see each other again and I can look you in the eyes once more.
Love
-Makoto
Haru flipped the letter over and looked it over closely. Written in tiny letters on the top of the page were two words Haru had never noticed before:
For Haru
They were easy to overlook because the pen’s ink bled through, nearly making them invisible. But there they were. They made everything different.
Haru had to read the front part again, then again. He’d always read the ‘you’ as ‘you guys’, meaning Rin and Sousuke. But taking them out of the picture, Haru saw the letter for what it was.
A love letter.
Makoto had written Haru a letter professing his love for him.
Makoto!
Haru couldn’t help it; he felt tears drop down his cheek as he read the letter a fourth, a fifth time.
“I never heard from you so I assumed you were angry with me,” Makoto said quietly, “I thought I’d blown it and lost you forever.”
“Makoto,” Haru whispered, “I didn’t realize….didn’t realize what it was. I really didn’t see that it was just for me, I thought it was for all of us. I didn’t try to get back in touch with you because it broke my heart and I…I didn’t want to find that you’d found someone else, that you were gone from me forever.”
“But I came back because I couldn’t stand not knowing anymore. I had to come back to tell you how I feel, how I’ve felt for years and years, about you. Even if you were with someone else, I had to come back and find out, even if that meant loosing you forever because I couldn’t stand having a ‘fake Makoto’ to think about; I needed to know about the real thing! I love you Makoto! I always have and I always will!”
“Haru-chan,” Makoto whispered affectionately after some time. Slowly he crawled over so he was kneeling right in front of Haru’s knees. Timidly, he lifted a hand and wiped a tear off Haru’s cheek.
“I’ve only ever loved you, Haru. I still love you. I always will too.”
Gently he tucked his hand under Haru’s chin and lifted it up so Haru was looking straight into those dazzling emerald eyes.
Makoto was smiling his usual Haru smile. He looked so warm and inviting.
Makoto.
All in one quick movement, Haru wrapped his fingers through Makoto’s hair and pressed his lips firmly against Makoto’s. For a split second, Makoto sat rigid in surprise, unsure of what had just happened. But then Makoto’s brain comprehended that Haru was kissing him and he kissed back with a lifetime of unrequited love finally returned.
It was the best kiss Haru had ever experienced.
“Makoto,” Haru whispered when they finally broke apart and fell into a close embrace, “it’s okay if you call me Haru-chan now.”
“Okay, Haru-chan.”
The two left the alley behind Haru’s restaurant – where they would later often meet to hear about each other’s day – wrapped around each other. As they walked away, Haru remembered the letter and took one look back into the alley. It was lying on the ground.
For a brief moment, Haru considered going back to get it, but decided not to. That letter had been his piece of Makoto for so long, it didn’t seem right to hang onto it now that he had the whole of Makoto next to him. So he faced forward and neither Makoto nor Haru ever saw the letter again.