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Ted loved animals. He’d wanted to be a vet since he was seven and his cat Mr. Bubbles had thrown his hip out of socket. The Mullens’ vet—Dr. Jones—had a Morgan Freeman vibe about him, and, as he had explained in his low, calming voice that Mr. Bubbles was going to be just fine to a hysterically sobbing Ted, Ted had instantly known that he wanted to spend his life helping animals and their owners. And Ted had done it. He had a steady practice in Schitt’s Creek, taking care of the neighborhood house pets and a few of the animals on the farms scattered around the county. He’d seen it all: dogs covered with mange, cats missing teeth, birds with broken wings. They were all beautiful, elegant creatures. Ted loved animals, no matter what condition they were in.
That being said, this dog was possibly the ugliest thing he’d ever seen.
It was mostly Komondor, he guessed—there was no mistaking that corded white fur. But it had obviously been neglected—its fur was dirty and matted and dragging the ground. The poor guy had obviously been through a lot. Ted hadn’t seen one of these dogs since his vet school days; he’d thought the fur unpleasant then, too much upkeep unless you really needed a sheep dog.
It cowered a little every time Ted tried to come near it, pushing further into Alexis’s legs even thought it was as big as she was. She’d arrived hysterical half an hour earlier, the dog trotting, tail down, behind her with her no-doubt incredibly expensive scarf wrapped around its neck like a collar. “I found him outside of the cafe!” she’d said, hands bouncing. “Poor thing was so hungry he even ate some of Twyla’s chicken casserole!” Now, she was petting its head consolingly as it shook. It had been raining earlier, and the dog was soaked through.
After a bit, Ted managed to get close enough to the dog to determine that, one, it was definitely a boy, and two, he didn’t seem to be in any immediate danger. “Okay,” he said, taking a step back. “That’s all I can do for tonight.” He looked around and sighed. “I’m just not sure where to put him. I only have one overnight cage big enough, and Mr. Paul’s goat is in there right now. I guess I can bed him here.”
Alexis pouted. “Ted, it gets so cold in here though!” That had been Ted’s thought as well—all the cages were heated for just that reason—but there was nowhere else big enough for the dog to fit in the clinic. “I don’t know what other option there is, Alexis.”
Alexis bit her lip, eyes flicking between him and the dog. “We could . . .bring him upstairs?”
“You’d be okay with that?” he asked. The last time he’d brought a dog in the house while Alexis had been staying the night hadn’t gone well, he thought ruefully. The book he’d given her subsequently hadn’t been one of his proudest moments, but he’d always been a little passive aggressive, and he’d actually gotten that book in a white elephant game, so really, he was just recycling.
She nodded, hesitated a bit, and then nodded more forcefully. “What if we put a doggy gate in the kitchen and let him sleep there? We could make him a bed, with, like, that horrible peach quilt you won’t get rid of.”
“I won’t get rid of it because it was quilted by my deceased grandmother, but sure. I have a few blankets we can throw down.”
She leaned up and kissed and brushed past him. “Great, babe! C’mon, doggy!” The dog followed obediently, giving Ted the stink eye as he went.
~
He woke up in the middle of the night with a subtle feeling something was off. Sure enough, he rolled over to find Alexis’s side of the bed empty, sheets cool to the touch.
It took a minute for his rational brain to stuff down the sleep-panicked thoughts of oh God, she left me again, the dog was too much for her, I’m not enough for her —Ted shook his head and put his feet on the ground, toes flexing. He could hear a quiet murmur from the kitchen and relaxed.
As he grew closer, the murmur clarified itself into Alexis’s voice, practically whispering. She was slumped on the floor, eyes half closed. The dog’s head was in her lap, staining her silk pajamas. Alexis was scratching his head. “Okay, I know, like, some really bad stuff probably happened to you. But you are like, the luckiest of all dogs, because you got rescued by Ted . He’s sweet, and kind, and not that this matters to you because you’re a dog, but he has an incredibly nice body. He’s going to take care of you.”
He rapped his knuckles on the edge of the door so he wouldn’t startle her, and stepped over the doggy gate into the kitchen. As he settled on the ground across from her, the dog shifted, hesitantly pressing itself against Ted’s leg. The fur was matted and scratchy and damp. Alexis smiled, and Ted never wanted to leave this moment.
~
The next morning, after sending Miguel a quick text that simply said hello, suck it loser, -Ted Mullens, Ted snuck out of bed before Alexis and headed downstairs to retrieve some grooming supplies and a proper collar and leash. He took the dog out for a quick walk—the dog seemed much more willing to trust him this morning, and Ted was sappy enough to chalk it up to Alexis’s infurational speech from the night before—and brought him back up to the apartment, pushing the coffee table to the side and settling to the floor. The mats were bad enough that Ted had decided there was no hope of saving his current coat; instead, he had decided to shave it and start over to let his fur cord properly. Ted probably didn’t have enough experience with Komondors to make sure the dog’s fur regrew properly, but that was a bridge he’d cross when he needed to.
The sound of the shears had Alexis padding out of the bedroom, yawning. He loved Alexis in every form, and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t appreciate the heels and tiny dresses, but early morning Alexis was one of his favorites. Her hair was a crow’s nest, the circles under her eyes were visible, she was tugging down one of his old college sweatshirts she’d slept in. More than ever, she was the most beautiful girl Schitt’s Creek had ever seen. “What’cha doing, babe?”
“Giving this guy a haircut.”
She settled next to him, the heat from her thigh radiating into his. “You know,” she started, “this is just like when Cindy Brantz put an entire pack of chewed Extra in David’s hair, and Adelina had to shave his hair off.” He nodded, half-listening as he shaved a careful line down the dog’s side.
“Can I try?” Alexis asked. “It might be a good life skill if we lose all our money again some day, and I have to do your undercut myself.” Normally he would have had doubts, but Alexis had said someday in reference to him so he was feeling a little overly sentimental. Obligingly, he handed over the clippers. She squinted the way she did when she was really focused on something and brought the trimmers up to the dog’s fur. The sheers immediately tangled in the matted fur.
She frowned, switching them off and carefully pulling them away. “Did I do something wrong?”
“It’s all about getting as close to the skin as possible without actually clipping the skin. Here,” he said, rearranging them until he was settled behind her. He took her hand in his. “Let me show you.”
“It’s like. Ghost ,” she joked as she and Ted brought the sheers down. “Hmm, Ghost,” she said. “I like that.”
~
Afterwards, they set out for a run, a newly shorn Ghost in tow. Without the dirty mats dragging him drown, Ghost was a ball of white fluff, eagerly jumping around. He put the leash on and Alexis frowned; he wondered if she’d changed her mind about bringing Ghost with them, but she hummed. “I guess it’ll do for now, but we have to get him some new accessories. He is such a winter; that collar doesn’t match his fur at all.”
Running was one of his favorite things to do with Alexis. Their relationship always felt like it was jumping along—exhilarating but occasionally exhausting. Running was the one time he felt he could just be with Alexis without feeling the need to do ridiculous things to prove how much he loved her. Instead, it was just him and her and the pavement, running steadily, slowly forward.
And now Ghost. He was a great running dog; he kept pace easily but didn’t pull ahead. He fit into their little routine seamlessly, and Ted couldn’t help but feel a little warm at that.
They eventually circled back to the cafe; Alexis went in to order, while Ted slumped at one of the outside tables, Ghost panting beside him. There was a distant jingle of someone exiting the Apothecary—he looked up and saw Patrick strolling towards him. Patrick raised an eyebrow. “This a new service you offer?” he asked, nodding at Ghost.
“He’s a stray; Alexis found him last night. Until we can find a place for him, I’m taking care of him.” Ted had checked to see if Ghost was chipped—he hadn’t been, and Ted had felt a little relieved. He would have been nervous about turning Ghost over given the condition he’d been found in. “So what’s his name?”
“Ghost.”
Patrick grinned. “Oh, like Game of Thrones?”
“Yes,” Ted said, because he didn’t want to admit they’d named the dog after a sensual grooming experience.
“Well, that’s nice of you, man.” He kneeled down, holding his hand out to Ghost, who pushed in for scratches. “Hi, Ghost,” he said, doing the high pitched voice people adopted in the presence of dogs.
Alexis walked out just then. “Oh, hi Patrick!”
“Hey Alexis,” he said, standing back up. “Ted was just telling me about Ghost here.” He shook his head. “I’d better get back; I just came to see the dog. David was explaining how to find a signature scent to a customer, and he’s probably not even halfway through.” Alexis nodded as if it were completely normal for David to have spent the past ten minutes talking about perfume. “I’ll see you guys tonight?”
“Yea—“ Alexis stopped and whipped around to face him. “Oh my god, babe, do we need a sitter?”
“Actually, we might have to cancel,” Ted said, looking at Patrick apologetically. Since he and Alexis had gotten back together, they’d started date nights with David and Patrick, and it was fairly routine at this point. “Ghost probably shouldn’t be left on his own just yet.”
Patrick nodded and then lit up. “Why don’t you guys just come to our place? You can bring Ghost. There’s a new chicken recipe David’s been wanting to try, and while I can’t promise it will be edible, I can promise you won’t get salmonella.”
“Hmm, yum,” Alexis said. “David actually isn’t a bad cook; he makes really good mac n’cheese.”
Patrick’s left eye twitched. “Yeah, that would be Stouffers that makes the good mac n’cheese. He just puts it in a bowl and pretends like he made it.”
“You sure David will be comfurtable with Ghost coming?” Ted asked. David had once spent twenty minutes explaining to Ted why the arrangement of the tick shampoos in the clinic promoted bad chi; a dog didn’t seem like something in his wheelhouse.
Patrick shrugged. “I watched a Nicholas Spark marathon with him last night. He owes me one.”
~
Eventually, Ted returned to the clinic, getting lost in the comfortable rhythm of his job. Lisa Edely’s chinchilla was almost better; and Derek Hunter’s cat got a clean bill of health for his yearly check up. Alexis had taken Ghost up to the apartment; she was working on what she called an “invigorating rebrand” for the local barber shop, but it mostly on her laptop, which meant she could comfortably work from the couch.
Around two, Alexis tiptoed in. “Don’t be mad—“ she started.
“Ghost peed in the house?” he asked.
She wrinkled her nose. “Ew, no. He’s been a very good boy; he’s taken better to potty training than David apparently did as a baby. Um. Something was delivered for you.”
“It seems like a nice gesture,” Caleb, his new assistant, said. Ted saw Alexis shaking her head vigorously. Caleb continued on, unaware, “someone sent you a gift basket—”
He saw the gift basket, wrapped in red and black—the colors of the enemy. “I’m going to kill him,” Ted muttered. He saw Caleb flinch out of the corner of his eye.
Patrick had tried to get him to join the town’s baseball league several times, but Ted had always declined. He was more of a football guy anyway, but the real reason was because he didn’t have time: he was the Captain of the Hairy Petters, Elm County’s premier recreational Quidditch team. They were one of the best (well, only) teams in the tri-county area, and they only had one real competitor: the incredibly unimaginatively-named Miguel Perez Veterinary Clinic Team.
The annual rivalry game was Saturday, and he and Miguel had been taunting each other for weeks.
He approached carefully, eyeing the basket with distaste. Unlike the Hairy Petter’s regal color scheme of navy, white, and gold (Ted had even asked for David’s help with designing the uniforms, so he knew they were classy), Miguel’s team were glaring red and black. There was tacky red and black cellophane wrapped around it, and inside he could see a number of books, including Veterinary Medicine 101, How to Start Weight Lifting, and Hair Care for Dummies. Nestled in the center was a somber card proclaiming Sorry for Your Loss.
“He’s dead,” Ted repeated. “I can’t believe what a conniving, assholish—”
Alexis brought her hands up to her chest and bounced them twice. “Okay, don’t break up with me for saying this, but. . .I know the Montague and Capitate thing you have going on is very old and serious, but have you ever considered that you and Miguel might actually like each other? You’re both into super nerdy things, like animals and Harry Potter and revenge gift baskets and getting car insurance. Plus, you have a very similar gym routine, which is totally showing more results for you then him,” she hastened to add at his look of disbelief.
“I would rather die,” Ted said emphatically. Sure, Alexis had a fun night playing pool with Miguel, but anyone could make themselves be charming in Alexis’s presence, and Miguel had left her with the tab at the end of the night. Plus, Miguel thought puns were low brow humor, and Ted wouldn’t even be able to donate the books Miguel had sent to the library, because Miguel had annotated them all with “helpful” hints. The bastard.
~
Dinner with David and Patrick was as good as anything with two Roses in the same room could be. Alexis had dressed Ghost for the occasion; he was wearing one of her bandanas, and Ted had been assured that several aesthetically-pleasing collars and dog lavaliers had been ordered with rush shipping. Alexis and David bickered passive aggressively the way they always did; David kept making dramatic hand gestures that showed off his wedding rings while Alexis kept hinting at more and more intimate moments from the Galapagos. He and Patrick shared no less than five I can’t believe I love them but I do looks, and Ghost laid happily on the rug, where Ted suspected Patrick was discretely feeding the dog scraps of David’s scorched chicken.
Afterwards, they retired to the couch—since they hadn’t yet moved out of Patrick’s tiny bachelor pad, David pretty much just leaned back in his chair until he fell onto the sofa. Patrick topped off all of their wine, and they settled down into conversation.
“So what’s gonna happen with this guy?” David asked, scratching Ghost’s head. There was white fur clinging to his no-doubt very expensive sweater, and Ted was starting to realize David must have more positive felines about dogs than he let on to not say anything about it.
He sighed. “I’m hoping I can get the shelter in Elmdale to take him. I don’t have room in the clinic to keep him comfortable.”
“You said these guys require a lot of space and upkeep, though, right?” Patrick asked. “Do you think he’ll get adopted?
Ted shrugged, not responding directly. He didn’t have the heart to say probably not, because Ghost was a dog that would need a very specific owner.
After that, the night wound down, and Ted and Alexis eventually returned home. Ever since they’d returned from the Galapagos, she’d been staying with him to the point where he considered her practically moved in. She had her own key, and there were a number of products edging out his Apothecary-approved shaving cream and face wash in the bathroom. A corner of his dining room table had been declared her office space, and he was constantly tripping over heels in the hallway. It was pretty much perfect.
As they slid into bed, Alexis cleared her throat. “I hate that Ghost might not get adopted.” She didn’t meet his eyes. “What if. . .what if we kept him here?”
He sighed. “Lex, I already told you, I don’t have room in the clinic—”
“No, I meant,” she looked up, and he could see how serious she was, “what if we kept him. You and I.”
“I wasn’t kidding when I said he’s gonna be a lot of work,” Ted said. “The kind of work that requires a lot of commitment.” She inhaled, short and sharp, and suddenly they weren’t talking about the dog anymore.
They had been dancing around the M word for months. It seemed like ever since David had settled down, all eyes in the town had swiveled to Alexis, and Ted by extension. They’d yet to talk about it, though. Ted didn’t know why he was so afraid; Alexis had moved across the world for him—he knew they were on the same page now. He’d even thought about proposing in the Galapagos—there had been a romantic cove that would have been perfect—but every time he thought about getting on one knee again he’d felt a little ill.
“I know. . .I know I haven’t been good at commitment in the past,” she said finally, “but I’ve grown a lot, and I think I’m ready for that now.”
He nodded. “And if you think you’re ready this time, then I believe you.”
“Do—“ her voice was quiet, “—are you ready? Again?”
He took a deep breath. “I—you’re it for me Alexis. I know that. I wanna have a dog with you and kids with you and a life with you. I just—I think I have some sort of weird trauma from last time? It’s not about getting married—that I can’t wait for—it’s the . . .proposal, I guess? I know we said we were going to forget the past and I’m not upset about it anymore, but—“
“Shh, shh,” Alexis said, stroking up and down his arm. “Babe, I get it. There’s a reason I get nervous going deep sea sunbathing after that time in Barcelona, even though I love it. Let’s just try taking care of Ghost and see how it goes, and we’ll figure out the proposal stuff later. Because we’re a team now—we work together.”
She smiled, beautiful and a little sad, and he couldn’t help but lean in and kiss her. “I love you,” he said.
“I love you too.”
~
The next morning, he saw Patrick again as they met for their weekly brosfast at the Cafe.
The ritual had started out with the best of intentions—Ted was responsible for the business side of his clinic in addition to the patient side, and while he hadn’t managed to screw up things too badly in the years he’d been open, Patrick had actual training in this stuff, and wasn’t just frantically Googling things as they came up. That had lasted about three weeks, in which Patrick had shown him a total of two websites and some accounting software, and then asked if Alexis was as sensitive about the way the dishes were stacked as David. From there it had turned into a . . . bitch fest was too mean of a term, because he and Patrick really loved Alexis and David, quirks and all—strategy session of sorts. Best practices for dating your Rose. Ted had realized that he and Patrick had a good bit in common besides their choice of unique life partners; Patrick enjoyed watching hockey and trashy action movies, neither of which Alexis would sit through without either complaining or trying to make out with him. From what Patrick had said, David was worse.
“Patrick, I need a favor.”
Patrick looked up, chewing on his pancakes. “Tax help? I’m almost done with the Apothecary’s; I could—“
“No. I mean, yes, I don’t totally trust TurboTax, but it’s not that.” Patrick stared. “I. Uh. Canyouteachmetoplayguitar? ”
Patrick put down his fork.
“Come again?”
After their conversation the night before, Ted had been unable to sleep. He felt bad that he wasn’t ready to propose, because he was ready to be married, and he didn’t want Alexis to think anything else. “I want to do something romantic for Alexis, and she’s always going on about how cute it is that you sing to David.”
Patrick squinted a little, considering. “. . .I’ll do it if you join the Cafe baseball team.”
Ted nodded. Patrick drove a tough bargain. “Well, I could join the baseball team. The only problem is that would take me away from my Quidditch team, and with the game against Miguel coming up we really need talent—”
“ Ted.”
“I’ll join the Cafe team if you play for Hairy Petter against Miguel’s team.”
Patrick breathed through his nose and then held out a hand. “Deal.”
~
That night, after a long day of dewormings and convincing the Jazzagirls to sing Gives You Hell in front of Miguel’s clinic in return for taking his shirt off, he returned home to find the table set for dinner. He looked at Alexis, and she shrugged. “You’re all stressed about the big game and taking care of Ghost, so I thought I’d take care of dinner.” It was from the Cafe, but she’d gotten his order right, so Ted was happy.
“Speaking of Miguel,” he said as they settled down to dinner. He’d been trying to think of a way around this, and there was just no avoiding it. “As much as it pains me to say this, Miguel probably has more experience with dogs like Ghost, and I want to make sure we’re doing everything right as his fur grows back out so it doesn’t end up in a mess again. So,”
She smirked. “So you’re going to have to ask Miguel for help?”
He breathed slowly through his nose like he’d learned at the Apothecary’s Meditation and Me class. “This is a one time momentary truce for the health of an animal.”
~
Though she hadn’t quite quit teasing him, Alexis did go with him to Miguel’s, Ghost tagging behind them. He’d thought about asking her to go alone altogether—even after their disastrous date she still had a better relationship with Miguel than he did—but he wasn’t quite sure Alexis would come away with all the information Ted needed to know. Miguel’s clinic was as pretentious as he was: all solid lines and modern and chrome. It felt nothing like Ted’s clinic, which he made homey with cute kitten posters soft fabrics Twyla’s aunt’s boyfriend’s girlfriend knitted him. He liked the eclectic appearance of the business he’d built by himself; besides, there hadn’t been a vet clinic set up in the showroom catalogue. Miguel’s receptionist—some sort of Scandanavian model, with high cheekbones and cold beauty—showed him to a sleek exam room. God, he hated this place.
Miguel was no better, answering Ted’s questions with a smirk as if he were talking to a child, and not a fellow vet who did more feline—spayings than anyone else in the tri-county area. They were drawing to an uncomfortable conclusion, and Ted wanted nothing more than to bolt with Alexis and Ghost in his arms so he could smother them in warm fuzzy blankets. “I’ll see you Saturday,” Miguel said. “Hope you made use of my gift.”
“I did,” he responded, all petiness back on the table now that they were done with Ghost. “We ran out of cat litter. Really came in handy.”
Miguel’s eyes narrowed and Ted prepared himself for the volley back. Before he could speak, however, Alexis sighed, picking at her nails. “I don’t know why you two are so obsessed with this stupid Lord of the Rings game. Twilight was way better anyway.”
Ted swiveled his head. “Alexis, what? Alexis.”
“It’s Harry Potter, not Lord of the Rings,” Miguel said, a note of hysteria in his voice, “and it is so superior to Twilight—”
“Yeah, JK Rowling created an entire universe,” Ted added, knowing it probably wasn’t the best idea to side with his arch rival over his girlfriend, but doing so anyway.
“And inspired millions of children to write their own stories,” Miguel said. Ted nodded emphatically. “Whatever,” Alexis said, rolling her eyes. “C’mon baby,” she said, flouncing out, and it took Ted more than a second to realize she was talking to the dog.
“Twilight,” Miguel said dismissively. “You’re an asshole but at least you know good taste when you see it.” Ted wanted to stick up for Alexis, but he didn’t entirely disagree with Miguel, so instead he walked out, following Alexis into the car.
She smirked. “Not gonna talk about the literary merits of Harry Potter with Miguel for longer?”
He stared at her. “Did you. . .did you do that on purpose?”
“Peace can be achieved through common ground,” she said serenely. “Or at least that’s what Taylor told me right before we egged Katy’s house.”
~
Guitar lessons with Patrick were going okay, he thought. They’d holed up in the back of the Apothecary—David had been sworn to secrecy, but Ted thought David really didn’t care enough to actually tell Alexis. Patrick was teaching him some basic chords; Ted knew he wasn’t quite hitting the mark, but he thought Patrick’s looks of pain every time he strummed the guitar were a little overkill.
He put the guitar down, and Patrick really didn’t have let out a relieved sigh so loudly. Ted cleared his throat. Ever since their wedding, Ted had started thinking of Patrick and David as his brothers-in-law. It was always a minute or two before he realized they weren’t because Ted and Alexis weren’t married, but Ted still felt close enough to them that he was comfortable talking about serious things. “When did you decide to propose to David?”
Patrick’s eyes widened. “Whoa, that’s a big question,” he said, looking meaninfully down at Ted’s left hand. “Um, you remember the night of my surprise party? Some other things were happening”—Patrick’s parents hadn’t known he was gay until Mr. Rose had told them, Ted knew; Roland had been there for that moment, after all, and Schitt’s Creek was small—“and David had a lot of reason to be mad and upset with me, but instead he just stepped up and did everything he could so that I would be happy. And we were alone later that night and I just thought. . . I didn’t know it was possible to be loved like that.”
“Wow,” Ted said, thinking about I picked up dinner and Twilight is better and let’s move to the Galapagos. “Wow.”
“Yeah,” Patrick said softly. “But you know, it’s okay to not be ready.”
“I’m ready,” he said emphatically. “I just. . . God, this is so stupid. David told you what happened with me and Alexis before we got back together?” At Patrick’s nod, he continued, “I want to marry her so badly. I love her—like you said, I didn’t know love could be like this. And I know she really, truly loves me back. It’s not the marriage I’m not ready for. But every time I think about proposing, I just freeze up, because the last time I proposed, well.” He waived his arm in an Alexis-like gesture that hopefully encompassed she said yes and then cheated on me and then dumped me. “And I know things are different now. I’m different; she’s different. I think I just have some sort of weird PTSD around proposing.”
Patrick nodded. “Makes sense. And I wish I knew what to tell you. But anybody looking at you guys can tell how happy you are. Maybe just enjoy that for the moment.”
~
Eventually, the store closed, and David appeared to drag them out of the back room for pizza. Alexis showed up not long after, Ghost in tow. It was a calm, happy moment, and Ted thought about what Patrick had said: just enjoy the happiness for the moment.
“I’m excited that Patrick is going to be a Hairy Petter,” David was saying. “I’ve been a big fan of Hairy Petters for a long time.”
“They’re the best in the league,” Alexis said. She had that look on her face that implied she wanted to strangle David, but Ted wasn’t totally sure why; he was just being supportive. “Their beaters have the highest points above replacement score in the state.”
Ted was a little in awe of her rattling off his team stats that he almost missed David saying, “hmm, honey, are you going to be the Hairy Petter’s beater?”
“Actually, I was thinking Patrick would be a chaser,” Ted said, delighted that David was taking an interest. Patrick’s ears were a little red, though, getting uncomfortable at the praise. “I’ve seen him throw a ball and he’s really good.”
“Yes, he is very good at throwing balls,” David responded.
Alexis glared. “Okay, let’s talk about something else, please.” It was sweet, that she didn’t want him to be outshined by Patrick.
~
“Umm,” Alexis said that night, “so a little birdy told me that you might be taking guitar lessons from Patrick?
“David wasn’t supposed to tell you!” Ted said, slamming his fist down on the bed in frustration. Ghost had found his way into bed somehow, and he didn’t even budge from where he was snoring on Alexis’s legs. “I. . .you’re always talking about all the romantic things Patrick does for David; I thought you’d enjoy it,” he confessed.
She took his face in her soft hand. “Babe. Look. First of all, Twyla told me; she thought she heard a shrieking cat in the Apothecary and then she saw you through the window with Patrick’s guitar. Second, you do so many romantic things for me. You bring me smoothies, and cook for me, and stop me from putting forks in the microwave. I don’t need the big romantic stuff from you, because you take care of me every day. That’s all I want for us—to take care of each other.
“Also,” Alexis rolled her eyes, “David has been married for three months, and he keeps trying to give me relationship advice as if they’ve been together for fifty years, so I really don’t need him rubbing it in my face that you were taking romance lessons from Patrick.”
He laughed, and kissed her neck. “I love you,” he said as she hummed. I didn’t know love could be like this. Fear or not, he decided, after the game against Miguel, he would start looking for rings.
~
The game was two days later.
Alexis had been acting strange all morning, and not even in the typically strange Alexis way in which she insisted they coordinate the direction their hair was parted. He’d had to stop her from putting salt in her coffee instead of sugar, and she’d put her Fenty bra on with her Coco de Mer underwear, which even Ted knew was incorrect. Normally he would be concerned, but he was keyed up himself—their honor as a vet clinic was on the line, after all.
It was a beautiful day, and Ted was excited as he arrived at the pitch, ready to kick some Miguel Perez Veterinary Clinic Team ass. Alexis and David were stretched out on the bleachers, both looking ridiculously out of place. Alexis was in a very sparkly gold dress and a floppy white hat; David, Ted was relieved, had foregone his usual black ensemble and was wearing all white in the spirit of the Hairy Petters. Even Ghost, sandwiched between them, had a little navy and gold scarf tied around his neck.
Before the game started, he saw Miguel approaching. Ted braced himself, but Miguel simply held out his hand. “Truce?”
“. . .Why?” Ted asked, not totally trusting this new development.
Miguel sighed. “At the end of the day, you and I want the same thing—for the animal residents of Schitt’s Creek to be happy and healthy. And, well—I tried to talk to the guys on my team about brewing our own butterbeer, but they’re only here because Schitt’s Creek is too small for a football league and you’re the only person who actually cares about Harry Potter besides me.
“Plus,” Miguel paused, biting his lip. “Alexis is a good person, and you clearly care about her. Professional rivalry aside, I’m glad you guys are happy.”
At the mention of Alexis’s name, he reflexively looked over to her; he caught her eye and she turned dramatically back to David in an attempt to look as though she hadn’t been watching him.
“Truce,” said Ted, taking his hand. To Ted’s relief, it didn’t immediately sizzle and burn. “Doesn’t mean we still can’t have a little friendly competition on the field though, right?”
Miguel nodded. “Oh, by the way, in the interest of friendly competition, you should know: everyone thinks you named your team after your dick,” Miguel said, and then smirked.
“I—what—“ Ted sputtered. Miguel was already walking away. “It’s a pun! A very wholesome, family-appropriate pun!”
That pretty much set the tone for the game. It was close, but Miguel’s team kept getting ahead; Ted was distracted the whole time, wondering if everyone thought Hairy Petter wasn’t a play on Harry Potter. Ronnie had joined Miguel’s team as a beater, and she was ferocious. He was a little surprised—she didn’t seem like the Quidditch type, and she was always so busy with the baseball team—but the more the merrier, he supposed. Patrick was doing okay for having never played before, although Ted was beginning to regret not asking David to join instead; they could have used a little grand slam energy
Though it was close, the Hairy Petters (God, Ted was wincing every time he thought it now, and it had taken him weeks to come up with a pun that good.) ended up losing. He was disappointed, but Miguel clapped him on the back during the post game handshake, and we could see Patrick laughing with David off to the side. Alexis and Ghost ran up to him; she planted a big kiss on his cheek and said “good game, babe!” Ted wasn’t entirely sure Alexis knew they’d lost, but she was happy and proud and he was surrounded by people he loved, so really, Ted wasn’t too upset.
They went home, and Ted headed for the shower, disappointed Alexis wasn’t following him. She’d been jumpy since the end of the match. Ted hoped that David hadn’t gotten in her head about Ted being nervous to propose; Ted really liked Patrick, but he had no doubt the topic of their conversation had made it to David ears about five minutes after Ted and Alexis had left the Apothecary.
That train of thought led him to the conversation he’d had earlier in the week with Alexis. That’s all I want for us—to take care of each other. And that was all Ted wanted too. None of Ted’s past relationships had been as much work as with Alexis. But the work was exhilarating . Their relationship made him feel alive, and he hadn’t realized how grey the world had been until Alexis Rose walked into his life. He couldn’t imagine a life in which he didn’t get to wake up to that buzz under his skin. Where he didn’t get to bring her smoothies or watch her work at his dining room table with her brow scrunched up in concentration, or run beside her through town, or take her hand and leap into the unknown. He wanted a life with her; he wanted to be married to her.
But resolution or not, want or not, the thought of getting down on one knee brought back all those painful memories he’d done his best to forget. He had no idea what he was going to do, but he trusted Alexis when she said they’d figure it out together.
When he finally came out of the shower, he found the bedroom covered in rose petals and flickering candles. The lights were dim; it took him a minute to spot Alexis on one knee, staring up at him.
Ted felt a little dizzy, staring down at Alexis, and he thought it would really kill the mood if he passed out right now.
She smiled up at him, steady and sure, looking exactly like she had when she walked into his office and said she loved him. “You said you were scared to propose to me, and I understand that. But, um, the thing is, like, I really want to be married to you, to do gross married stuff like eat breakfast together and watch your Quidditch games and raise Ghost and watch him go to college. So I thought I’d propose. Because that’s how this works—we take care of each other—make each other better.”
She whistled, and Ghost ran in, heading straight to Ted. There was a ring hanging off of Ghost’s collar. It was a simple gold band around a thin chain—so he could wear it around his neck at work, he immediately understood. The ring had an inscription inside; he squinted, and the words formed themselves into Furever Mine.
“Don’t be mad,” she said, “but I totally had to ask for Miguel’s help to teach him that.” She took a deep breath.
“So, Theodore Edward Mullens, will you marry me?”
~
The next morning, Ted woke up hanging off the bed. Alexis had somehow ensconced herself in the middle, with Ghost smashed between them, drooling into Ted’s t-shirt.
It was painful and gross and perfect.
Ted couldn’t wait to wake up every morning just like this.