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“Himiko?” Tenko says one day, sidling closer to her girlfriend inside Himiko’s research lab. “What are you doing?”
Beside her, Himiko sits on the lid of one of her many water tanks, fiddling with a small plastic object. It is shaped like a cube and each side covered with buttons and switches, and Himiko’s expression is one of contentment.
“Oh,” she mumbles, not looking up. “Just, uh… stimming.”
“Stimming? What does that mean?”
Still, Himiko doesn’t look up. She manipulates the cube faster, and inhales deeply. “Do you know what autism is?”
Tenko blinks. Autism? She recognises the word from somewhere, but she can’t recall. “Vagually. Would you mind… refreshing my memory?”
“Nyeh.” Himiko shrugs her shoulders. “It’s a disability. Effects how you socialise and perceive the world. Usually have sensory processing problems too. Talking can be difficult. Get really interested in things.” This time she looks up (avoiding eye contact like always) and smirks. “Ring a bell?”
She stares at Himiko, running the traits of autism through her mind – and then it clicks. “Oh! Do you have autism?”
Himiko nods. “I prefer ‘autistic’, but, yeah.”
“I see. Do I need to change anything I do?”
“Not really. Just… sometimes, when I’m overwhelmed, keep your voice down.”
“Okay!” Tenko says, before going red. “I mean… okay.”
Himiko giggles.
“So, this ‘stimming’ is related to autism?”
“Yep. My senses are… different, so sometimes I need to avoid stuff and sometimes I wanna stimulate my senses. Like being a picky eater, but needing to fidget like this. oh, this is a fidget cube. Wanna try?”
“Oh, of course,” Tenko says, taking the offered cube of plastic. It’s warm from being held by Himiko, and she turns it over in her hand. Tenko flicks a switch a couple of times, smiling. “I can see why you like it.”
“By the way,” Himiko says, taking it back. “Autistic people can be really protective of our stim toys. It’s kinda a big thing if someone lets you hold it. Means they really trust you.”
Tenko looks at Himiko, and picks up the compliment. “Thank you, Himiko. It means a lot to have your trust.”
Himiko smirks. “It’s okay. Just, there’s one thing, okay? Please… don’t treat me differently now.”
“Of course,” Tenko says, smiling. And, remembering the boundaries Himiko set when they started dating, she holds out her arms and asks, “Would you like a hug?”
“That’d be nice,” Himiko says, and she leans against Tenko.
She wraps her arms around Himiko, squeezing tightly. “I love you.”
“Nyeh. Love you too, sappy.”
---
Himiko groans, hunching forwards in her seat. Tenko stares at her, concerned. They’re sat together in the grounds of the school, and were having a lovely time until Kokichi started harassing Keebo, creating a lot of noise in the process. And whilst Tenko mearly finds it annoying, Himiko has tensed up, clearly in some sort of distress.
“Shut up, Kokichi!” she shrieks, clamping her hands over her ears.
But the noise just gets louder, and Himiko starts to rock back and forth in her seat.
“Himiko, would you like me to hit them?” Tenko asks.
Himiko shakes her head. “That’d make… even more noise.”
“Okay, so, what should I do?”
“I need to go inside,” Himiko says, her voice even flatter than usual. “But… can’t concentrate. Can you take me to… my room?”
“Oh, of course,” Tenko says. Shooting Kokichi a death glare, she stands up and hooks her arm around Himiko’s shoulders, helping her to her feet. “Come on, let’s go inside.”
And as Himiko continues to hunch in on herself, hands over her ears, Tenko steers her overloading girlfriend in the direction of the dorms. Himiko walks slowly, gritting her jaw and whining to herself.
“Nearly there,” Tenko says, despite thinking Himiko won’t respond.
When they reach the doors, Tenko leads Himiko over the threshold, and the doors slide shut behind them. The noise becomes muffled, but Himiko doesn’t calm down.
“Where’s your key?”
“Pocket,” Himiko gasps out.
“Okay.”
Tenko digs her hand into Himiko’s pocket, and pulls out her key. She slips it into the lock, fingers fumbling, and the door swings open. Immediately, Himiko staggers over to her bed, throws off her hat and collapses onto the bed.
“Himiko?”
Himiko grabs her pillow and hugs it to her chest, eyes screwed up. She rocks herself from side to side, whimpering.
“Himiko, should I leave?” Tenko says, not knowing what this is but certain she’s witnessing something very private and therefore embarrassing for other people to see.
She doesn’t open her eyes, but Himiko jolts, obviously remembering Tenko is there. And, as though the simple act of speech has become a massive challenge, she mumbles, “Please… stay…”
“Okay,” she says, shutting the door behind her.
Tenko walks further into the room, unsure what to do.
“Don’t… touch, but… talk to me…” Himiko says, her voice cracking.
Tears start to leak from behind her tightly shut eyelids, streaming across her face and onto the bed sheets. Having to watch Himiko cry makes her chest ache, but Tenko does as she was told.
“I can do that,” Tenko says. She takes the chair and moves it to the side of the bed, and sits down. Not sure what to say, she settles on soothing nothings. “Okay, Himiko. I’m here.”
Himiko opens her mouth to speak again, but she just sobs. And then she breaks completely, tears cascading down her face as cracking sobs escape her mouth, rocking herself from side to side and trembling violently.
“It’s gonna be okay,” Tenko says, hoping she won’t start crying. “I’m here. You’re not alone.”
For someone as loud as Tenko, it’s hard to keep her voice quiet. But she has to, lest she make Himiko worse.
“You’re okay. You’re safe.”
After several long, long minutes, Himiko starts to calm down. She rocks more slowly and the sobs become softer, like all the pain is slowly fading away. Eventually, Himiko’s tears dry up, her tense body relaxes and she just lies there, taking deep breaths.
“Himiko?” Tenko whispers. “Is it over?”
Himiko gives a short nod. “Y-Yeah.”
“If it’s hard to talk, you don’t need to. I know, I’ll give you ‘yes or no’ questions. So… do you want me to stay?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you want me to get your something?”
“N-No.”
“Do you want a hug?”
“Y-Yeah.”
Tenko smiles. “Okay.”
Carefully, as though Himiko might shatter if she touches her, Tenko sits on the bed beside her girlfriend, and eases onto her side. She puts an arm across Himiko’s waist, and pulls her into an awkward, one-armed hug.
“Are you feeling better?” she whispers.
“Y-Yeah.”
They stay cuddled together in silence until Himiko drops off to sleep.