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Mike hasn't been himself since his grandmother passed away. He was the kind of person who liked to talk about his problems with others, when something was bothering him, the first person he'd have gone to would be Harvey, but if what's bothering him was more of a personal topic, he'd have gone to Donna. His grandma passed away 3 weeks ago and ever since, he became, just dull. He had this black circles under his eyes, he looked like he lost at least 20 pounds and he barely talked to anyone anymore. He thought nobody noticed, but of course he was wrong. Harvey noticed.
When everyone in the room was laughing at something stupid Louis has said, Harvey would take a quick glance at Mike to see if he was laughing too but he had a straight face, eyes fixed on the ground. His eyes, you could see the sadness in his red eyes -which Harvey was pretty much sure Marijuana caused it- and those dark circles, he looked like he hasn't slept in ages.
He hated seeing his associate, his friend, like this, this just wasn't Mike. He missed the old Mike, the one who would make stupid jokes which actually amused Harvey, but of course, he wouldn't show him that or he would think he cared about him. The thing is, Harvey did care about him, ever since the day they met, he just didn't want Mike to know that. Thankfully, Harvey wasn't the only one who was worried about Mike. Donna, Rachel, Jesssica and even Louis were too.
Harvey walked out of his office with a pile of papers and important files about the case they were working on and put them on Donna's desk. He looked around for her but she wasn't anywhere to be seen, maybe she'd left, considering it was almost midnight now. When he was walking back to his office, something caught his eye, an angry looking Mike, walking out of Louis' office. Harvey could feel his jaw clenching, he wondered what Louis did this time to anger Mike this much. He wanted to talk to Mike but he just walked to the opposite direction, into the associates' room. Harvey quickly went into Louis's office without even knocking and closed the glass door behind him.
"What the hell did you do?"
Louis was staring out of the window, he didn't notice Harvey coming in so he jumped when he suddenly heard his voice.
"What do you mean?"
"Louis, what did you do to Mike?"
"I didn't do anything!" Louis exclaimed.
Harvey walked closer and gave the shorter man a sharp glare in attempt to scare him, luckily this always worked on Louis.
"Look, I was going through the files he gave me a couple of hours ago, and I noticed a mistake on an important part, so I called him here talk about it, but I might have overreacted and called him an 'useless failure' but that's it, I swear."
"Well done Louis, you got into a fight with someone who recently lost their only family left. Congrats."
"Harvey, I care about him too, okay? I know what I did was wrong and I would take it back if I could, but I can't."
Harvey didn't even bother to reply and walked out of the room to his office. He was kind of surprised actually, he always insulted Mike, and never seen him take it seriously, he'd just just brush it off, so why was he offended by this so much? He poured himself a drink to clear his mind but what Louis had said was still ringing in his head, then he noticed something; making a mistake? Mike? especially on an important part of a paper? Everybody knows Mike has a photographic memory, yet he still double checks every file he has finished, so how on earth did he make a mistake?
Harvey was lost in his thoughts that he didn't even hear Donna walking in, he noticed her when she cleared her throat. He turned around from his window to face Donna, who was looking at him with worried eyes.
"Hey."
"Hey Donna. Have you seen the files i put on your desk a couple of minute-"
"Harvey." Donna interrupted.
"Talk to him."
"Who?"
Donna rolled her eyes, it was obvious that Harvey knew who she was talking about, it was just his way of showing he didn't care about any single human being in this world.
"Harvey, you know damn well who i am talking about, please i'm worried about him and i know you're too, i tried talking to him multiple times but he just brushed me off, you have to do something, this isn't like Mike."
Harvey put his glass on the coffee table. She was right, he neeeded to talk to Mike, but he just didn't know how, it was making him frustrated, knowing someone he loves is in pain and there's no way he can stop it.
"What do you want me to Donna, tell him 'Oh Mike, I knew you are depressed about your grandma, and please use eyedrops because it's obvious you're using drugs again?' You and I both know he won't talk to me Donna. Like you said, he isn't himself right now."
"Harvey, i think it's more serious than smoking a couple of joints, i feel like there's something else going on, please just try for me."
He looked at her pleading eyes, damn he hated it when she was right.
"Okay. I'll talk to him right now. Has he left or is he still here?" He checked his watch, it was midnight now. He knew all associates and everyone else has already left, him, Donna, Mike and Louis should be the only ones left now.
"Well, I saw him going to the bathroom a couple of minutes ago, if you're lucky he could still be in there."
Harvey gave her a nod and exited his office to find Mike. He walked into the bathroom and heard a noise coming from one of the stalls, at first he thought it was Louis having some trouble in there because of the spicy indian food he ordered but the more he paid attention to it, it was more like someone sniffling, like they were in pain. Not just someone, Mike.
Harvey stood in the bathroom for god knows how long, fixing his hair in the mirror just to make time pass by, and finally Mike walked out. Harvey turned around to take a better look at him, he didn't look like he had been crying. Harvey was confused, so was Mike. Mike was staring at him with wide eyes like he was just caught stealing something.
"Hey."
"H-Hey." Mike replied, his blue eyes scanning Harvey's face.
"How are you doing?"
"I'm fine." Mike said with a fake smile which made Harvey roll his eyes.
"Mike, don't bullshit me, i know you're sad about your grandmother but i can't just sit around watch you destroy yourself. If you need to talk about it, i'm here."
"I don't want to talk about her right now."
"If not now then when Mike?" Harvey said slightly raising his voice. "We're worried okay? You haven't been yourself lately, clearly you're not fine."
"Harvey, I'm fine."
"Were you crying in there?"
"What? No."
"Mike, talk to me. I hate seeing my associate like this, please."
"There is nothing to talk about."
Harvey sighed and right when he opened his mouth to say something, he suddenly noticed a small stain which looked like blood on the sleeve of Mike's shirt. Mike followed his eyes to see where he was looking and quickly hid his arm behind his back.
"Mike, what's that, are you hurt? Who did that to you?"
"Look, I told you that i'm fine Harvey. I appreciate your concern but I should really be get going now, it's getting late."
Mike tried to quickly move past Harvey, but he felt a strong hand on his wrist and he hissed in pain. Harvey looked at him with a questioning look.
"Mike, talk to me. What happened?"
Mike looked down at Harvey's hand which was now holding his hand and blushed. Harvey quickly realized where his hand has fallen into from Mike's wrist and quickly pulled it away.
"I told you that i'm fucking fine Harvey."
With that Mike quickly stormed out of the bathroom to the stairs, not even bothering to wait for the elevator, leaving a speechless Harvey behind.
Harvey turned around to see Donna giving him a pitiful look.
"He has never cursed at me before."
"I know Harvey, but you know he's not himself right now, don't take it personally."
"I don't like seeing him like this Donna."
"I know Harvey, Me too. It kills me knowing that we can't help him."
They both fell silent after that, until Harvey spoke up.
"Donna you were right, there was something else going on and i think i know what it is."
Harvey quickly got up from where he was sitting and started running to the elevators.
He got into his car and started driving to Mike's house which wasn't so far away and thankfully there wasn't any traffic. When he saw the familiar building he quickly pulled his car aside and got out. He couldn't remember the last time he was this worried about someone.
When he got to Mike's door, he stopped to take a deep breath then knocked on the door.
"Not here."
"Mike, open up it's me."
"Go away Harvey."
Mike's voice sounded strange. Like he was drunk or high, or both.
"Mike, open the door or i'll knock it down, you know damn well that i can."
"Go.Away.Harvey."
Harvey leaned his forehead against the door in frustration.
"Mike, I'll count to 5 , if you won't open the door, there won't be a door in here anymore. 1"
"Harvey."
"2."
"Harvey!"
"3."
"Harvey I'm seriou-"
"4."
The door opened and he quickly walked in and shut the door, then turned to face Mike, who was staring at him with this strange look in his eyes. His one sleeve was rolled up, but the other one was rolled all the way down and buttoned. He looked around and saw the bathroom's door was still open and the lights were on. Harvey mentally cursed, he was too late. Harvey stepped closer to him and Mike flinched, just like the time he found out that he smoked weed with Louis.
"You're high."
Harvey looked around the apartment and saw at least 10 empty beer cans.
"And drunk."
Mike looked ashamed but his head was still held high as if he was trying to hide it, he was trying to look strong so that Harvey would leave without causing a scene.
"I'm struggling Harvey, it's understandable for me to have a couple of drink i guess."
Harvey was getting angry and frustrated, he was fed up with all these. His jaw was clenched and Mike was starting to panic.
"Show me your arm."
He stepped even closer to Mike. Mike felt his breath hitch against the stern gaze of the taller man.
"No."
"Why not?"
"I have my reasons."
"Like what?"
"I've just gotten a tattoo, if you see it, you'll fire me."
"Nice try."
"The shirt i'm wearing. It's too tight around wrists, can't open it."
"Bullshit."
Harvey grabbed Mike's wrist, lightly but still firm enough to make sure he couldn't save it from his grip.
"Harvey! what are you doing!?"
He saw Mike's eyes well up with tears and he was desperately trying to save his wrist from Harvey's grip.
"Harvey! Stop it!"
Harvey started unbuttoning Mike shirt's wrist, never breaking eye contact with him. Tears were streaming down Mike's face at this point. He was breathing heavily, he wasn't ready to face it, he wasn't ready to see the disappointment in Harvey's eyes but he knew there was no way out. When the last button was undone, Mike wasn't even resisting anymore. Harvey, rolled up his sleeve so slowly, finally breaking eye contact with Mike to look at the red cuts and lots of scars covering his arm. Some of them were bleeding, the ones he has just made and the ones he made back in the firm's bathroom. It broke his heart to see it, how could someone so precious do this to themselves? He had so many questions like when did he start doing this or how or what did he use but they none of them mattered at that point. Mike was sobbing and it hurt Harvey to see Mike like this.
"H-Harvey I'm so s-sorry. I'm a t-terrible person. I'm a failure."
"No, you're not."
"Y-yes i am. You're probably thinking i'm a weirdo right now."
"No, I'm not Mike."
"Stop lying to me Harvey! You think that I'm a attention whore don't you?" Mike said between sobs.
"Mike, I don't think any of those things."
Harvey sighed and pulled Mike in his arms. Mike was surprised at first but didn't pull away, instead he just hugged Harvey even tighter and buried his face on his shoulder. He was a sobbing mess, and his tears and blood was staining Harvey's expensive shirt, but Harvey didn't even care, he just kept rubbing Mike's back and kept saying "it's okay." over and over again. Harvey held him, not letting go until Mike was finished.
After they both've calmed down, Mike sat on the floor and pulled his knees to his chest. Harvey sat next to him and asked Mike where the First-Aid kit was, Mike was hesitant at first but told him it was in the bathroom anyway.
Harvey walked into the bathroom and the sight was sickening, there was blood covered tissues and razor blades everywhere, and stains of blood looked like someone was murdered in the room, Harvey wondered how long he has been doing this to himself. He finally found the First-aid kit and went back to Mike. Mike was still in the same position, his eyes were fixed on the ground, Harvey sat next to him and lightly grabbed his arm, Mike looked at him with wide eyes, Harvey knew he was probably embarrassed so he gave him a nod and rolled his arm over. He started to wrap the cuts in bandages, luckily they weren't deep enough for stitches. He could tell Mike was ashamed, never making eye contact with him, just staring at the ground.
"Mike, why are you doing this to yourself?" he asked in a gentle voice he has never used on Mike before. Mike sighed and began with a shaky voice;
"It's just my way of coping i guess. I started cutting myself when my parents died, it went for about 3 years, then my grandma discovered it, she made me promise to never do it again, but like most of my promises to her, i broke it too. i started self harming again when i was kicked out of school, and nobody noticed, i kept doing it until we met. i never wanted to let you down so the day you hired me i officially stopped self harming for good, well at least, until now."
Harvey was literally speechless, he had no idea he had this much of an impact on Mike's life. He now wished he at least showed him he cared about him before.
"Why did you start again?"
Mike sighed and closed his eyes.
"Since grandma died, i was feeling just so sad and alone, i couldn't eat, i couldn't sleep, i've started smoking weed again, and i was drinking too, but they didn't give me the satisfaction of that razor blade, 4 days after she died, i was having a mental breakdown, i walked into the bathroom and you know, did it."
It took Harvey a couple of minutes to process all these. He wished he could've been there for Mike to stop him before he even started.
"Mike, you're not alone, you have me, you have Donna, Jessica, Rachel and even Louis. Do you have any idea how worried we were about you?"
"I'm s-sorry."
Harvey closed his eyes and sighed deeply.
"Mike, I need you to promise me something, next time there's something bothering you, you don't cut yourself, you come to me and we talk about it, and you won't smoke weed or abuse alcohol either, okay?"
Mike looked at him, his eyes were starting to well up with tears again, he nodded.
"O-Okay, I w-will, I promise."
"Good."
Harvey stared at him and wiped away the tear on his cheek, he wished he could take Mike's pain away, but he knew he couldn't, all he could do was be there for him as much as he can.
"Come here."
Harvey pulled Mike in for another hug, Mike was taken aback but quickly relaxed into hug and buried his face in Harvey's chest this time, he heard Harvey's heartbeat and the smell of his cologne was everywhere, they were both calming and comforting, he felt Harvey put his chin on top of his head. They sat there for hours, holding onto each other and not saying anything, and for the first time in his life, Mike knew he was going to be okay, with Harvey and his friends by his side.