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Reunions were often happy affairs. Sure, there was crying, hugging, and exchanges of old memories, but they were often complemented with smiles, laughter, and love. Reunions were supposed to be happy.
But as was Stephen's life, nothing about this reunion was as to be expected. Go figure he couldn't have one normal thing in his life. One moment of happiness.
He was standing on the battlefield, the sun revealing all the gouges and scars in the earth, the blood that colored the dying grass, and reminded him of all the broken bodies he'd seen in so many alternative endings. So many different ways to fail the same task. The aliens who caused the damage were gone, piles of dust the wind carried away weeks ago. Carol had disposed of the ship they arrived on, so all that was left was what the ground could tell him.
He knelt down and touched a warm patch of dirt. He hated this place, and it was fitting that it was as ugly as it was.
“Why do you keep coming here?” He jerked his head up, nearly smiling at the arched brow and crossed arms. This was this first time he ran into someone here, in his personal place of torture, and it was fitting that it was Tony Stark who found him here. That he probably knew Stephen came here too often to really be healthy.
“I should ask why you're here.” Tony rolled his eyes and offered a hand, which Stephen accepted after a moment.
“I never left. I couldn't. There is just too much left undone. How can I abandon everyone?” Stephen nodded like he understood, but he really didn't. The man deserved rest. Peace. And he was spitting in its face like he did and refusing to what the universe asked him. Stephen chuckled.
“Figures. Everyone knows Tony Stark never listens to what he's told.” The man shook his head.
“I did. Once. To you and the stupid green rock.” Stephen flinched, guilt churning in his stomach. No one ever asked him why it had to be Tony, but no one really met his eyes anymore or spoke to him unless they needed to. Only Peter and Pepper were still friendly. Forgiving.
“Tony, listen. I'm so sorry. I- I tried to find an alternative. I searched as long as I could stand because I couldn't bear to do it. As a doctor, it is against everything I believe in, everything I am, to knowingly send a man to his death. I would have done it, gladly, but it didn't end well for anyone. I checked what would happen if anyone else did it and it was never as successful as this one. So, I'm sorry.” Tony only nodded, hands in his pockets and eyes focused on the horizon. Stephen knew he wouldn't be forgiven for taking this man's family away, but he still had to say it. To hopefully make Tony believe him. To show Stephen was going to carry the guilt for the rest of his life.
“Stephen, I know.” He blinked at the other man, who was smiling sadly at him.
“Stark, look-” Tony shook his head and gestured for Stephen to walk with him. As they picked their way through the battlefield, Tony spoke.
“I know you had no choice. I also know you come here to keep the wound fresh. To remind yourself of what you think you did to me. To my family. But Stephen, in case you haven't noticed, the people closest to me aren't mad. They have forgiven what happened because they knew me and that I would have gladly chosen this ending. Sacrificing myself for the universe is just the stupid hero act written in my book.” Stephen couldn't meet his eyes, instead scanning the destroyed earth and wishing it could have been different.
“Stop beating yourself up over this. The people I love are alive because of what we did, and that's all I could ask for.” They stopped near a puddle of water, the last remnants of Stephen's contribution to the battle. He sighed.
“What bothers me the most is I could have saved you. I could have stopped the destructive gamma radiation and saved your life. Instead, I had to keep the field from flooding. I had to keep everyone alive...” He dropped down, a tear prickling his right eye and hands trembling something awful. That was the main source of guilt.
“Stephen, are you really mad at yourself for keeping a field of heroes alive because you lost one? Come on. That's ridiculous. You're a hero, Stephen. People will see that. Sadness and grief cloud their judgment right now.” Stephen couldn't help the wet laughter. Tony was speaking like he was a wise entity Stephen was seeking guidance from. Like the Ancient One.
“I'm a doctor, Tony. Every loss negates any gain for me. We take death hard, especially when it's our fault.” He felt Tony shift and soon an arm was wrapped around him, hugging him close. “How come this is the first time I've gotten to speak to you?”
“I didn't want to bother you at first, figuring you were coming to deal with some personal hangup and being on the battlefield helped. But then you kept coming and talking to yourself. I decided to finally say something.” Stephen turned to meet Tony's eyes, so warm and full of life despite them not being more than the spirit of who he once was. Stephen hated this reunion, wished Tony had just stayed away, but it was probably for the best. He could begin to heal thanks to closure. The forgiveness.
“Tony, you should move on.” The man, rather than be offended or upset, only laughed.
“You can't keep trying to push this away, Stephen.” Stephen shrugged, knowing he was right but really wishing he got angry and disappeared.
“How come you stick around here? You could be with Pepper and Morgan, or Peter, or even the Avengers.” Tony pulled them to their feet, his eyes finally serious.
“This is where my body died, so I stuck here for a few hours. Then I realized I actually could leave, go wherever I want in a flash, and I did. I went everywhere and anywhere I wanted to go in the blink of my eyes. But then one day you showed up. Look, I've seen my family, my friends, even my enemies...they don't need me like you do.” Stephen jerked away, face heating up at his words, He didn't need Tony. No.
He needed closure. He needed to move on. He needed to forgive himself.
“I'm perfectly fine.”
“Stephen, they all have someone to lean on. They have family and friends. I've seen you at that magic house- you have your books and your clingy cape.” What was so wrong with that? Stephen liked the peace solitude brought him, the comfort in a good book and some tea. Also, he didn't like that Tony was apparently spying on him and he didn't know. Stephen should have been able to sense him, or at least his sanctum should have, but he was distracted lately.
“I don't appreciate that you've been sneaking into my Sanctum, Tony.” He rolled his eyes.
“I have to check on my friends, Strange! There's nothing wrong with that. Besides, it's not like I saw you showering or something. Just moping with your books.” That had him blushing. Both for the moping, and the shower comment.
“I'm just fine. Pain and sadness are longtime friends of mine, Tony. You should go take care of Peter and Morgan. I can handle it.” Tony shook his head and poked him gently square in the chest.
“Stop pretending you're mad at me and just admit you're glad I'm here.” Truthfully, he was glad Tony was there. More than perhaps Tony realized. Something buried down inside him stirred at the final acceptance, but he fought it back. No. He was not going to think about that; not when it couldn't matter to him.
Too late he realized Tony might be able to sense his shifting mood.
“What? What is it?” Crap. Stephen backed away.
“Um, I have to go back. I have been gone too long now.” Tony grabbed his wrist, confusion all over his face.
“Come on, Stephen. You can tell me. What am I going to do? Tell someone?” Nope. But he would probably laugh in his face. Stephen yanked away and hurried back to where he first appeared, ignoring the shouting man and hoping he would just stay away. Stephen needed to move on, and this was the first time he was able to accept what he had to do that day on Titan. On the battlefield.
Eventually, he would forgive himself and grow in his sorcery. He would be the Sorcerer Supreme the world desperately needed.
Before he could sink into his meditative pose and rejoin his physical body, a hand grabbed him once more. Tony stood above him, his features unreadable for the first time. Stephen mustered up the nastiest glare he could come up with, hoping a bout of unfair anger would send Tony away.
“Don't try that with me, Stranger. You know you'll just keep coming back here, physically and spiritually, until you work through whatever it is that's bothering you. I mean, going to a therapist would probably be easier, but I suspect you do everything the hard way.” Tony sat down and tried a smile. “Tell Uncle Anthony what troubles you.”
“Look, it doesn't matter. I got my closure with you and this place. That was all I needed. I'll be fine now. You can go bother your poor wife.” That earned him a laugh.
“Widow, actually. 'Death do us part' and all that. But you of all people know here the senses are heightened. I know something is still bothering you.” A stiff wind cut through the grass, though Tony's hair remained undisturbed in his astral state. It was so unfair. Stephen could go back to his body. He could return to the land of the living and among friends and enemies alike. He could go home. Tony was never allowed the same, and it wasn't right. Someone as bright as Tony could probably figure out how to house someone's astral being and let them 'live' once again, but his genius died along with him.
“Stephen. Stop moping and just tell me. The least it will do is get it off your chest.” Okay. He wanted to know so badly? Fine. He was dead. Nothing could come of it. No one would be hurt by his words. And maybe it would make him feel better.
“This guilt? It's mostly because I had to hurt you and your family, but some of it- Some of my pain comes from a more personal attachment to the situation. It doesn't matter, though. I'll be fine.” Tony's eyes narrowed on him.
“What does that mean, exactly?” Frustration curled in his chest, shooting the words out like poison darts.
“As a sorcerer, we are supposed to be able to make decisions without distractions. Without personal feelings getting in the way. Mine almost did. I would have rather we suffer any other future if it meant you could still be alive. Look, I love your family as much as anyone. Pepper is a fantastic woman-”
“Watch it, Stranger.”
“-and Peter is a terrific kid. Morgan is the smartest little thing I've had the pleasure of speaking to. Rhodes and Happy are a couple of solid guys. They are all so beautiful and undeserving of what I've put them through. But Tony, they aren't the only reason I wanted to take this future and throw it away. I- I had to live 14,000,605 different outcomes. I watched everyone around us live and die in ways that still haunt me. And through those possible futures, I got to see the kind of person you are. You're really something, you know? Someone worth... caring for.” Something lit Tony's brown eyes and he started to smile.
“I'll be damned. You've gone and gotten yourself a crush on me, Stephen.” The heat flickered under his skin like a fire in a dead forest.
“Something along that line, yes. That something nearly cost the universe. And now, the universe is fine, I'm fine, your family is fine, and you're gone. You want to know something? Despite everything, I still selfishly want more. I hate this because I had to lose someone I cared about for the world to be safe. I know I'm not supposed to be so selfish, that I should be happy even, but I can't deny how it feels. How it hurts me.” He turned away sharply and hugged his knees close. There. That was everything hiding in the deepest part of his being.
“I'm sorry, Stephen.” He snorted.
“You have nothing to be sorry for. We're all just pawns to the universe. A universe uncaring of our own personal feelings and desires. It doesn't matter now; that is all the past. You've got to move on, and so do I.” Tony sighed.
“Some people move on. Most will. But we won't. Look, I may be dead, but I'm not gone. As I said before, you still need me. I'm not going anywhere until I know you will be okay.” As wonderful as that could be, Stephen knew better. He needed to mourn Tony properly, and speaking to him all the time, enjoying his wit and charm whenever they wanted, would do no more than hurt him far worse than he already was.
“I don't want you to. I want to be left alone. Go bother someone else, Tony. Leave me be.” Fingers tilted his chin around to face him.
“Think of it as my dying wish.”
“Wasn't that for a burger to be named after you?” A quiet laugh.
“Okay. This is my dying wish to you. Stephen, you became a good friend of mine in a time when I wasn't sure who I could trust. I put the world, my life, and Peter's well-being in your hands because I felt I could trust you. Even when you went against your oath and saved my life by trading the Time Stone, I still believed in what you said. Because I came to respect you; to care for you. I know it isn't how you would like, but stop being a stubborn asshole and just let me do this. I want to help you.” Stephen closed his eyes and crossed his legs. It was time to go home.
“Okay, Tony. You win. I'll see you around then.” As he faded from the torn land, a whisper followed him back to the sanctum.
“See you soon.”