Chapter Text
Taako Taaco (Official) - @yaknowfromtv
Just landed in toronto, ready for a killer show tonight! @mangochutney ate all the airplane peanuts tho
11:25 AM - 03 June 2018 - via Twitter
Magnus Burnsides (Official) - @mangochutney
@yaknowfromtv u fell asleep, what was i supposed to do? xD
11:28 AM - 03 June 2018 - via Twitter
Taako Taaco (Official) - @yaknowfromtv
Oh god @mangochutney what did tumblr tell you about emoticons?
11:31 AM - 03 June 2018 - via Twitter
Taako Taaco (Official) - @yaknowfromtv
Oh right! You shouldn’t use them. @mangochutney
11:32 AM - 03 June 2018 - via Twitter
Magnus Burnsides (Official) - @mangochutney
@yaknowfromtv screw u i like them
11:35 AM - 03 June 2018 - via Twitter
Magnus Burnsides (Official) - @mangochutney
Just a reminder to everyone that your individuality is important, and you shouldn’t ever let anyone dull your sparkle! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*✲ﾟ*｡⋆
11:38 AM - 03 June 2018 - via Twitter
Magnus Burnsides (Official) - @mangochutney
@yaknowfromtv ouch! >:( that hurt!
11:39 AM - 03 June 2018 - via Twitter
Taako Taaco (Official) - @yaknowfromtv
Don’t worry squad, I’ll reign him in- physically, if necessary
11:41 AM - 03 June 2018 - via Twitter
Merle Highchurch (Official) - @pansblessing
Hey @yaknowfromtv @mangochutney if you two could stop fighting and help me with all this damn luggage that’d be great
11:44 AM - 03 June 2018 - via Twitter
Taako Taaco (Official) - @yaknowfromtv
@pansblessings no swearing on twitter! There are kids here
11:46 AM - 03 June 2018 - via Twitter
Magnus Burnsides (Official) - @mangochutney
Yeah like me @pansblessing @yaknowfromtv
11:45 AM - 03 June 2018 - via Twitter
Taako Taaco (Official) - @yaknowfromtv
@pansblessing where’s our car
11:52 AM - 03 June 2018 - via Twitter
Merle Highchurch (Official) - @pansblessing
On the way to the hotel @yaknowfromtv
11:54 AM - 03 June 2018 - via Twitter
Taako Taaco (Official) - @yaknowfromtv
@pansblessing Without us???
11:55 AM - 03 June 2018 - via Twitter
Merle Highchurch (Official) - @pansblessing
Call an uber @yaknowfromtv @mangochutney
11:58 AM - 03 June 2018 - via Twitter
Taako Taaco (Official) - @yaknowfromtv
fuck
12:00 PM - 03 June 2018 - via Twitter
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Celebs Weekly - @celebsweekly
Catch the latest scoop on @treshornyboys’s new album in our EXCLUSIVE interview! https://www.celebsweekly.com/2018/12/06/tres-horny-boys-interview/
1:29 PM - 12 June 2018 - via Tweetdeck
They Said What? - @theysaidwhat
Taako Taaco (lead singer of popular rock band “Tres Horny Boys”) said WHAT!?!? #theysaidwhat https://www.theysaidwhat.com/2018/02/07/taako-taaco/
10:32 AM- 02 July 2018- via Tweetdeck
Magnus Burnsides (Official) - @mangochutney
@yaknowfromtv what’d u say? @theysaidwhat
11:05 AM - 02 July 2018 - via Twitter
Taako Taaco (Official) - @yaknowfromtv
@mangochutney idek at this point lmao someone tell me what i said
11:08 AM - 02 July 2018 - via Twitter
Merle Highchurch (Official) - @pansblessing
Something stupid @yaknowfromtv
11:13 AM - 02 July 2018 - via Twitter
Taako Taaco (Official) - @yaknowfromtv
Go away @pansblessing no one was talking to you
11:17 AM - 02 July 2018 - via Twitter
Tres Horny Boys (Official) - @treshornyboys
Do you want a shirt with our faces on it? Of COURSE you do! Link in bio now!
2:08 PM - 02 July 2018 - via Twitter
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Ms. Horny Girl - @mshornygrl
Oh shit, taako’s new selfie???? I’m DYING omg i love u so much @yaknowfromtv pls marry me #treshornyboys #taako #taakotaaco
5:15 PM - 24 July 2018 - via Twitter
Amy - @vashboz
@mshornygrl he’s gay lmao can u calm tf down
5:23 PM - 24 July 2018 - via Twitter
Magnus’s Sideburns - @magssides
@vashboz why don’t YOU calm tf down??? Literally no one asked you
5:27 PM - 24 July 2018 - via Twitter
Amy - @vashboz
@magssides @mshornygrl y’all are crazy lmao
5:30 PM - 24 July 2018 - via Twitter
Blessed Bitch - @blessedbypann
Hey can we try to keep our community respectful? Just a #PSA
5:48 PM - 24 July 2018 - via Twitter
Magnus’s Sideburns - @magssides
@blessedbypann the new selfie IS pretty hot tho …….
5:52 PM - 24 July 2018 - via Twitter
Blessed Bitch - @blessedbypann
@magssides L O L ur so right
5:50 PM - 24 July 2018 - via Twitter
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W! News
TAAKO TAACO - Suave Bachelor, or Scorned Ex?
July 25, 2018
Popular singer TAAKO TAACO, who has become a global icon in both music and fashion, has established a blasé approach to romance. The singer is untethered by relationships and has been vocal about his bachelorhood in recent years. It hasn’t always been this way, though- take a look back at one of entertainment’s most explosive relationships in a new exclusive interview!
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Taako Taaco (Official) - @yaknowfromtv
Just a reminder that I have not and will never give individual interviews. Any piece claiming to have ‘exclusive’ content is a fucking lie.
8:31 PM - 25 July 2018 - via Twitter
Michelle Liu - @dontmansplainme
What a bunch of liars @wnews you should be ashamed of yourselves.
8:33 PM - 25 July 2018 - via Twitter
Tres Fan Girls - @tresfangirls
@wnews fuck u guys!!! @yaknowfromtv we love u and are here for u <3
8:41 PM - 25 July 2018 - via Twitter
Master Kiwi - @masterkiwwii
@yaknowfromtv is a grown ass man who knows that he’s in the spotlight. If he can’t take a bit of digging into his past he should get a new job
9:01 PM - 25 July 2018 - via Twitter
Marley Berger - @marlesbarles
Bold words from someone named master kiwi @masterkiwwii
9:03 PM - 25 July 2018 - via Twitter
Blessed Bitch - @blessedbypann
@intraaspection take down your tweet! Out of respect to taako we don’t talk about him in this community!
9:12 PM - 25 July 2018 - via Twitter
Who Me - @intraaspection
@blessedbypann fuck ur ‘’’community’’ lmaoooooo i’m just here for the #gossip
9:15 PM - 25 July 2018 - via Twitter
Magnus Burnsides (Official) - @mangochutney
Movie night with @pansblessing!!! @yaknowfromtv u coming over? We’ve got popcorn :D
9:21 PM - 25 July 2018 - via Twitter
Taako Taaco (Official) - @yaknowfromtv
@mangochutney as long as it’s not space jam again. B there in 5
9:28 PM - 25 July 2018 - via Twitter
Tres Fan Girls - @tresfangirls
@treshornyboys love u guys sm <3
10:02 PM - 25 July 2018 - via Twitter
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Kravitz’s customer was much too chatty for eight in the morning.
She was a regular, and always scheduled her appointments early, early enough that she was often waiting outside the door of the salon when he arrived to open up. She talked from the moment she was within earshot to the second the front door closed behind her. It didn’t seem to matter to her what she was talking about as long as she was talking; Kravitz had heard about all three of her children (in depth) dozens of times, as well as her job as a retail associate at Tilly’s, the family dog, Kenny, and the disappointing ending to her favorite television show.
“It just had so much potential, ya know?” She clicked the gum in her mouth and tipped her head too far to the right when Kravitz combed her freshly dyed purple hair out, checking the ends carefully to make sure they were even.
“Mhm,” Kravitz said. She never really wanted an answer from him, but it felt rude to just stand there silently.
At the station beside him, Carey was working on a middle aged gentleman who seemed perfectly content to sit quietly and read one of the gossip magazines they left out on the coffee table. She glanced at him sympathetically, nose scrunched and spare comb clenched between her teeth as she blow dried.
“Especially since they just renewed that damn Kardashian show again,” Kravitz’s customer continued, admiring herself in the mirror. “Absolutely no substance to that, you know? Oh, I do like how you did my bangs this time.”
“I’m glad to hear that,” Kravitz said. He brushed her hair forward so that it spilled perfectly over her shoulders and stepped back, letting her take full advantage of the mirror.
“Wow,” she said, running her fingers through it. The color was rich, like a ripe grape, and shone brilliantly under the bright salon lights. He had done a good job, and he allowed himself to revel in the praise when she said again, “Wow! Wow, I love it.”
“Then my job here is done,” Kravitz said. He unbuttoned the cape from behind her neck and drew it carefully off, shaking it out on the ground for the hairs to be swept up later. “Allow me to walk you over to Johann. He’ll ring you up.”
Johann was staring at the television mounted in the waiting area when they approached, and hardly looked up as his fingers flew over the register and swiped the customer’s card. “Have a nice day,” he said, shoving the receipt and a pen at her, eyes still fixed on whatever news show he was watching.
“Thank you so much, Kravitz,” the woman said, signing off with a flourish and beaming at him. “I’ll see you next month.”
“Good luck with the parent-teacher meeting this Friday,” Kravitz said as she turned and left.
Kravitz glanced at the receipt before Johann could put it away, eyes finding the tip. He bit back a grin when he saw it. Not too bad for so early in the morning.
“Damn,” Johann said. Kravitz followed his gaze to the television, where a recording of a familiar figure striding down the street was playing. “He’s so hot.”
“Hm,” Kravitz said, leaning against the counter to watch. “Why’s he in the news now?”
“Some paparazzi followed him out of a club last night,” Johann said. “He flipped them all off.”
Sure enough, the guy on screen turned around and raised his middle fingers with a scowl, the offending appendages blurred by the news channel. Scrolling text underneath read ‘Taako Taaco Flips the Bird Outside NYC Nightclub.’
“I suppose that’s understandable,” Kravitz said, watching the man. His rise to fame had been explosive enough that even Kravitz, who famously has never heard of anything pop culture after the late 70s, could recognize him. He had to admit that the man cut a striking figure in a garish pink coat and stilettos that hit the pavement hard as he strode away from the cameras.
“I’d flip my shit if people shoved cameras in my face like that,” Johann said.
“Good thing you don’t have to worry about that, then,” said Killian, coming up on Kravitz’s right. She nudged his elbow in greeting and glanced up at the television, rolling her eyes. “What an asshole.”
“Taako Taaco isn’t an asshole!” Johann’s voice was suddenly two pitches higher. “He’s a musical genius, a- a lyrical prodigy, a-”
“A dick,” Killian said, and laughed when Johann’s face went red. “Anyways, Krav, what’s your lineup for the day? Super busy?”
“Only until one,” Kravitz said.
“Great,” Killian said. “Carey and I were gonna try and get out of here early to go get a few drinks.”
“Drinking on a Wednesday? For shame, Killian.”
“Shut up and say you’ll come. I’ll buy you one of those fruity drinks you like.”
Kravitz grinned. “Of course I’ll come.”
“Good,” Killian said. She rapped the desk with her knuckles, trying to draw Johann’s attention away from the television, where a slideshow of Taako’s most iconic looks was playing. “Yo, Johann, you’re invited too if you aren’t too busy wanking over your man crush there.”
Kravitz frowned at her and Killian just laughed. Johann’s face went even redder.
“He’s- he’s not- I don’t-”
“Oh, I think my next customer just arrived,” Killian said when the bell over the front door rang. “Buh-bye!”
“I should go and clean up my station,” Kravitz said, patting Johann sympathetically on the shoulder when the man seemed incapable of forming any kind of complete sentence. “Maybe you ought to just change the channel? Your face is rather red.”
Johann’s spluttering was loud enough that it made Killian laugh from all the way across the salon.
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Taako Taaco (Official) - @yaknowfromtv
It’s nice to be home and all but why does LAX have to be such a fucking NIGHTMARE all the time
2:17 PM - 03 August 2018 - via Twitter
Taako Taaco (Official) - @yaknowfromtv
Who cares if I’m on a private jet?? Plane bathrooms still suck ASS
2:32 PM - 03 August 2018 - via Twitter
Taako Taaco (Official) - @yaknowfromtv
What is this, international bully Taako day???
2:38 PM - 03 August 2018 - via Twitter
Lup Taaco - @thebettertwin
@yaknowfromtv yes it is! Happy international bully Taako day everyone :)
2:41 PM - 03 August 2018 - via Twitter
Taako Taaco (Official) - @yaknowfromtv
Hey @thebettertwin what the FUCK is that twitter handle
2:45 PM - 03 August 2018 - via Twitter
Lup Taaco - @thebettertwin
Just letting everyone know who the real star of this show is @yaknowfromtv
2:48 PM - 03 August 2018 - via Twitter
Merle Highchurch (Official) - @pansblessing
I am @thebettertwin
2:51 PM - 03 August 2018 - via Twitter
Lup Taaco - @thebettertwin
Go away @pansblessing
2:54 PM - 03 August 2018 - via Twitter
Taako Taaco (Official) - @yaknowfromtv
Stfu @pansblessing
2:54 PM - 03 August 2018 - via Twitter
Taako Taaco (Official) - @yaknowfromtv
Change ur handle back and stop spreading lies @thebettertwin
2:55 PM - 03 August 2018 - via Twitter
Lup Taaco - @thebettertwin
No @yaknowfromtv
2:58 PM - 03 August 2018 - via Twitter
Lup Taaco - @thebettertwin
Welcome home <3 @yaknowfromtv
2:59 PM - 03 August 2018 - via Twitter
Taako Taaco (Official) - @yaknowfromtv
This is fucking slander
3:02 PM - 03 August 2018 - via Twitter
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Celebs Weekly - @celebsweekly
@treshornyboys finish off world tour with final performance in hometown of LA. What’s next for America’s fave boys?
12:25 PM - 04 August 2018 - via Tweetdeck
Magnus Burnsides (Official) - @mangochutney
A nap lmao @celebsweekly
12:41 PM - 04 August 2018 - via Twitter
Krazy Kitten - @krrazykittten
@mangochutney u r a whole ass mood
12:43 PM - 04 August 2018 - via Twitter
Magnus Burnsides (Official) - @mangochutney
Thank you @krrazykittten I’m glad the kids find me relatable still
12:45 PM - 04 August 2018 - via Twitter
Mrs. Taaco - @lilmrstaaco
Aren’t u like 28 @mangochutney
12:48 PM - 04 August 2018 - via Twitter
Taako Taaco - @yaknowfromtv
I think he’s actually 80 I caught him drinking prune juice after the show last night @lilmrstaaco
12:53 PM - 04 August 2018 - via Twiter
Magnus Burnsides (Official) - @mangochutney
@yaknowfromtv jules and i are doing a cleanse!!!
12:57 PM - 04 August 2018 - via Twitter
Taako Taaco (Official) - @yaknowfromtv
@mangochutney yeah sure
1:06 PM - 04 August 2018 - via Twitter
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Celebrity Lifestyle Magazine - @celeblifestyle
Get the scoop on Magnus Burnsides’s newest prune juice diet https://www.celeblifestylemag.com/magnus-burnsides-drinks-prunes/
9:34 AM - 05 August 2018 - via Tweetdeck
Magnus Burnsides (Official) - @mangochutney
@yaknowfromtv I’m going to kill you.
9:52 AM - 05 August 2018 - via Twitter
Taako Taaco (Official) - @yaknowfromtv
@mangochutney is that a threat or a promise
9:57 AM - 05 August 2018 - via Twitter
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Merle Highchurch (Official) - @pansblessing
Anyone tryna save some bees
2:14 AM - 06 August 2018 - via Twitter
Taako Taaco (Official) - @yaknowfromtv
@pansblessing go to bed old man
2:23 AM - 06 August 2018 - via Twitter
Merle Highchurch (Official) - @pansblessing
K @yaknowfromtv
2:35 AM - 06 August 2018 - via Twitter
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When Kravitz finally locked the door behind his last customer of the day, he breathed a sigh of relief.
It was late- really fucking late, because the customer had been a regular whom Kravitz had stayed past closing time to fit in. Everyone else in the salon had left an hour earlier, leaving just him in the brightly lit, empty space. It would have been a bit creepy if Kravitz didn’t love the salon so much. As it was, the sudden quiet was actually quite peaceful, and Kravitz hummed a low tune as he walked back over to his station and grabbed the broom and dustpan to start sweeping up.
Everyone else’s spaces were spotless around him, cleaned for the night and tidied for the morning. All he had to do was straighten up his own and close out the register for Johann and he would be on his way home. Maybe he would stop and grab dumplings for dinner, he thought as he carefully swept shorn black hair into the dustpan. He had a few television shows he could catch up on.
Kravitz was just getting into the idea of a quiet night on his couch when a sharp knock on the door made him jump.
He turned to see a figure standing outside the glass, tall and thin, with a deep indigo headscarf pulled low over their face. Kravitz stared at the large cat eye sunglasses, which seemed to blink at him expectantly through the window.
After a moment of just staring, the figure rapped on the door again, head cocking in irritation.
Kravitz was well aware that this was the start of every horror movie ever, and that if he was in a horror movie, he’d statistically be the first one to die. Still, his manners- and a lurking curiosity- had him pulling out the salon keys as he approached the door, fitting them neatly into the lock and pulling the door open.
“Finally,” the person said, turning to slip past Kravitz into the salon before Kravitz could say anything to stop him. “This is, like, the third fucking place I’ve tried. Why the fuck do hair salons in LA close so early? I thought this was the city that never sleeps.”
“That’s New York,” Kravitz said, awkwardly closing the door. The bell overhead rang once and then faded off in the empty salon.
“It’s 2018, no city should be asleep.” The figure looked around the space, doing a full spin that made his long red skirt flare out. He turned towards Kravitz and crossed his arms. “This will do. Who can dye my hair?”
“Uh,” Kravitz said. “We’re closed, actually?”
“Closed?” The person’s voice went up another pitch. It was a familiar voice, but Kravitz couldn’t place it. “Then why the fuck did you let me in, homie?”
“Uh-”
“Listen,” the person said, and then reached up to draw off his sunglasses, and Kravitz’s heart stopped, because holy fucking shit that was Taako Taaco, lead singer of the Tres Horny Boys, America’s not-so-golden boy frowning at him. “I am currently going through some shit in the hair department, my dude, and I’ve got a whole ass photoshoot tomorrow. Are you a stylist?” Taako waved his fingers at Kravitz before he could answer. “Of course you are. Look, if you can help me out I’ll pay whatever you want. It doesn’t even have to look that good, it just has to look not fucked up so my publicist doesn’t skin me alive tomorrow. Can you do that?”
Kravitz should say no, because the salon had been closed for over an hour now and the dumpling place would be following suit very soon.
But if Kravitz said no to Taako Taaco, he was pretty sure Johann (and everyone else in the world) would kill him.
“What’s the problem with it?” he asked after a moment, resigned.
Taako sighed. He reached up and undid the knot of his headscarf, and then drew it off with an elegant flourish. “Don’t laugh,” he warned.
Kravitz frowned and stepped forward, hand coming up automatically to reach for it. He had seen Taako’s hair on television and in magazines dozens of times. The star always sported some kind of crazy color, but his hallmark was the sheer length of it- halfway down his back and normally every inch as healthy as a celebrity’s hair should be. Now, though, when Kravitz tried to run his fingers through it, they caught in brittle knots. And it wasn’t just the texture that was throwing him off; the color was off-orange, obviously the work of a botched at-home bleach kit.
“What’d you do to it?” he asked, mesmerized by the sheer awfulness of it.
Taako took a step back and shook his hair out, lips twisted in a frown. “Who cares? Can you fix it?”
Kravitz eyed the way it brushed Taako’s waist. “It’ll take awhile,” he said.
“I’m game if you are.”
Kravitz met Taako’s gaze. Taako’s eyes were striking, which he already knew from the tabloids. Still, Kravitz wasn’t quite prepared for how intensely blue they were, or how piercing.
“I’ll need to wash it, first,” he said, and Taako’s face relaxed into something that wasn’t quite a smile.
It took a bit of wrangling to get all of Taako’s hair in the sink to be washed. Kravitz eventually just decided to take it piece by piece, using an absurd amount of shampoo to take whatever product Taako had piled on out of his hair. He washed carefully, and when he reached Taako’s scalp he worked the shampoo into the roots with his fingers, pressing in all the right places for the standard head massage he always gave.
Taako hummed, drawing Kravitz’s attention back to his customer for the first time since he had turned the sink on. The man’s eyes were closed, his face relaxed.
“You’ve got good fingers, my dude,” he said. When Kravitz didn’t respond he cracked an eye open and grinned up at what Kravitz guessed was a very flustered expression. “It’s a compliment.”
“Thanks.” Kravitz took the showerhead off its hook and rinsed Taako’s hair, keeping one hand up to block it from spraying on him. When he was done he turned off the sink and grabbed one of the large towels he had stacked up beside him. “Do you know what color you want?”
“Yeah,” Taako said. He shifted in his seat as Kravitz gently started squeezing the water out of his hair, snatching his purse up from the floor and pulling out his phone. “I took a Twitter poll. The people want blue.”
“You took a what?”
“Twitter poll.” Taako tipped his eyes back to look at Kravitz. Having his head back in the sink left his neck on full display, long and pale under the salon lights. “Do you not have Twitter?”
“No.”
“Weird,” Taako said.
Kravitz eased Taako up carefully, aware that his hair must be extremely heavy when wet. He wrapped a towel around the man’s shoulders to protect his shirt (which was probably more expensive than Kravitz's monthly rent), and then had him stand, keeping a firm hold on the towel wrapped around Taako’s hair.
“Light blue or dark blue?” he asked as he walked Taako across the room to his work station.
“You choose,” Taako said, pulling his phone out again the moment he sat down. He didn’t look up as Kravitz drew the cape around him and buttoned it at his very long, very pale neck.
“Okay,” Kravitz said into the empty salon, and then plugged in his hair dryer.
It took ages to dry all of Taako’s hair, and Kravitz’s arm was aching by the time he combed it all out. It was still that awful bleached orange color, but at least it was soft again, and free of any tangles. “I’ll go get the dye,” he said, and Taako made a noise of approval without looking up from where he was tapping away at his phone.
Kravitz went to the back room, slipping behind the door and closing it halfway behind him. There, he took a moment to stare at the wall of dyes, trying to fathom for a moment how exactly he had ended up with Taako Taaco sitting at his fucking work station.
Johann was going to flip when Kravitz told him.
Kravitz took a deep breath and gathered up a few dyes he thought he might need. He needed to get this right. Would Taako sue him if he fucked it up? Could he do that?
Probably.
Taako was still on his phone when Kravitz got back to his station. He watched the man out of the corner of his eye as he pulled out a bowl and started mixing dyes, trying to reach a color he could picture Taako wearing. Taako seemed to be reading something, his face pinched and twisted into an expression that should have been unattractive but wasn’t.
“Fuckin’ liars,” he muttered, decisively tapping a button on his phone.
Kravitz pulled his eyes away before he could be caught staring, and peered into the bowl. “How does this look?” he asked, holding it out to Taako. “It’ll show up a bit lighter on your hair.”
“It looks fine,” Taako said, only glancing at it for a moment before going back to whatever it was he was doing.
Well, it didn’t look like Kravitz would be getting any kind of actual direction from him. A bit thrown at the prospect of getting full creative liberty with a celebrity’s hair (and more than a bit thrilled, if he was being honest with himself), Kravitz stirred the dye and then set it to the side, digging out a pair of gloves and pulling them on.
Dying Taako’s hair took a long time due to the sheer amount of it that had to be colored. Kravitz slathered on the dye, combing through it and spreading the color out with his fingers, and had to go back twice to get more dye to mix in. Taako was remarkably still the entire time, making the process go much smoother than Kravitz had assumed it would. Judging from the feisty persona Kravitz had seen projected in the media, he would have expected Taako to be much more talkative.
That probably just meant that Taako didn’t want to talk to Kravitz. Which was fine with Kravitz, because he couldn’t think of a single thing he could say to Taako Taaco that wouldn’t sound totally stupid.
Finally, when Taako was beginning to look a bit bored, Kravitz decided to talk. He was, after all, a hair stylist, and most of his clients came partly for the chance to make the kind of polite small talk they got while in the chair.
“I would have thought you had people that could do this for you,” Kravitz said, taking the color up a bit higher. He was a little more than halfway done, now, and he was glad for it. He could feel his eyes itching with the desire to go to sleep.
Taako’s head moved minutely as he lifted his eyes from his phone for the first time in half an hour. He looked at Kravitz in the mirror. “So you do know who I am,” he said, sounding amused.
“You’re Taako Taaco,” Kravitz said. “Of course I know who you are.”
“It would be weird if you didn’t,” Taako conceded, and Kravitz had to resist the urge to roll his eyes. “To your point, I hate other people touching my hair. I’m only letting you do it right now because it was an emergency and I didn’t want Lup to find out.”
Kravitz pulled the name from distant memories- Lup Taaco, up and coming modern artist and Taako’s twin sister. “You dye it yourself?”
“I normally do a great job, don’t look at me like that. Tonight was just a-” Taako flapped a hand, the movement reflected back at him in the mirror. “An off night.”
Kravitz was at Taako’s roots now. He combed the color through, bending in close to ensure he was getting all of it. “Why’d you think I didn’t know who you are?”
“You haven’t done any of the usual stuff,” Taako said. “You know- begging me for an autograph, or a picture, or a lock of my hair to clone me so the clone can father your firstborn.”
Kravitz’s hand slipped. He blinked at Taako in the mirror. Taako grinned back at him, all teeth.
“That’s… strange,” Kravitz said.
“You get used to it.”
“Huh,” Kravitz said. He dipped the comb back in the dye, scraping the bowl to get the last of it. “Our receptionist- Johann- he’s a huge fan of yours. He always pulls up the news whenever you’re on it, and whenever we let him have the aux he only plays your band. He’s going to pass out when I tell him that you were here and he missed you.”
“It’s a shame he’s not here. But I can’t say I’m too upset- it means I get you all to myself, stud.”
Kravitz’s fingers stilled, momentarily startled. Was-?
“This needs to sit for a few moments so the color gets all the way to your roots,” he said before he could process that fully, stepping away and picking up the empty bowl of dye. “I’m going to go wash this stuff off, and then I’ll be back to rinse out the dye.”
“Go wild,” Taako said, lifting his phone again and losing himself once more in the screen.
Kravitz walked to the sink and washed off the bowl and the comb slowly. He watched the color spiral down the drain, diluting into a pale blue as it was swept away by the water.
When he returned to his station, Taako was once more frowning at his screen. Kravitz led him back over to the sink, eased his hair back in, and pulled down the showerhead to rinse off the excess dye. He dried Taako’s hair with a fresh fluffy towel after it had been thoroughly conditioned, then brought him back over to the chair to blowdry it.
“Alright,” Kravitz said, turning off the dryer after several minutes. He brushed through the hair one last time, marveling for a moment at the way it shone with renewed health. “What do you think?”
Taako tapped his phone and then raised his eyes to look at himself in the mirror. He stared for a moment, and then set his phone down in his lap, leaning forward to look more closely.
“Oh,” he said, reaching up to run his fingers through it. It cascaded through his long nails like a deep blue waterfall. “Holy shit, my dude.”
Kravitz twisted his comb in his fingers, beginning to grow a bit nervous. Fuck, he was definitely going to get sued. “Is it- alright?”
“Homie,” Taako said. He swiveled in his seat to turn and face Kravitz, his expression solemn. “It is more than alright. This is one of the most bomb ass colors I’ve had in a long time.”
Kravitz couldn’t help the small, relieved smile that split his face. “That’s good to hear,” he said. “Come on, I can ring you up and then you can head out of here.”
Taako lingered at the mirror while Kravitz walked over to the register. He rang up the dye job while Taako turned left and right, examining himself, and then headed over to join Kravitz with a grin on his face.
“Seriously,” he said, digging in his purse and pulling out a black credit card. “I haven’t gotten my hair done professionally in a long time. It looks great.”
“I’m glad you like it,” Kravitz said, taking the card. It was heavier than Kravitz was used to, but it still swiped alright. He printed the receipt, and then handed it over with the card and the pen. “If I could just get your signature?”
“Finally asking for an autograph, huh?” A smirk played on Taako’s lips, but it faded as he looked at the receipt. “What’s this?”
“Um,” Kravitz said, suddenly nervous again. Shit, had Taako expected it to be complimentary? Kravitz had used a fuck ton of dye. “It’s the price for a standard dye job.”
“Huh,” Taako said. He scribbled something on the receipt, and then signed it. “You just missed a remarkable chance to upcharge me, my friend. I expected you to charge me triple what you should.”
Kravitz frowned and accepted the receipt that Taako handed back. “Why would I do that?”
Taako shrugged. “I can afford it,” he said. He draped his headscarf over his shoulder and slipped his credit card back into his purse, closing it with a decisive click. “Thanks for everything, stud,” he said. “I really appreciate this.”
“I’m glad you like the color.”
“Hm,” Taako said. He stood there another moment just looking at Kravitz, long enough for Kravitz to grow uncomfortable. Then he pulled out his sunglasses, slipped them on, and spun on his heel to stride across the waiting area to the open door and leave.
The bell tinkled a few times and then faded as the door closed. Kravitz stared at it, half expecting Taako to come whirlwinding back in, but it remained closed.
When several minutes had passed, Kravitz took a long, shaky breath. Well, that had just happened. Kravitz had styled an actual, real life celebrity, and he hadn’t completely fucked it up.
As he closed down the register, he glanced at the receipt. A very generous tip had been written out, as well as a note in spiky handwriting that read, ‘thanks for the do, magic fingers.’
Kravitz left the salon a few minutes later with a grin, stolen receipt tucked firmly in his pocket. He would let Johann know to put it on the books tomorrow.
X X X X X
Ms. Horny Girl - @mshornygrl
Asdfjkdfjaslfdkj his HAIR O M G ITS SO FUCKIN HOT #taako #taakotaaco #fuckmealready
9:12 AM - 08 August 2018 - via Twitter
Kylie Brown - @craziiikylie
I voted for pink but I was definitely wrong that look is FIRE @yaknowfromtv
9:23 AM - 08 August 2018 - via Twitter
Celebs Weekly - @celebsweekly
We are OBSESSED with Taako’s new hair. Major <3 eyes!!! #taako #treshornyboys
10:02 AM - 08 August 2018 - via Tweetdeck
Lup Taaco - @thebettertwin
@yaknowfromtv hey baby bro theres no way u did that color on ur own
10:45 AM - 08 August 2018 - via Twitter
Taako Taaco (Official) - @yaknowfromtv
1. First of all we r twins im not ur baby anything fuk u @thebettertwin
10:51 AM - 08 August 2018 - via Twitter
Taako Taaco (Official) - @yaknowfromtv
2. A magician never reveals his secrets @thebettertwin
10:53 AM - 08 August 2018 - via Twitter
Lup Taaco - @thebettertwin
@yaknowfromtv i was born ten mins b4 u which makes me your older sister and the boss. Get some more almond milk
10:57 AM - 08 August 2018 - via Twitter
Taako Taaco (Official) - @yaknowfromtv
@thebettertwin fine if u wanna be old u can be old. Old lady. Make ur boy toy go get it
10:59 AM - 08 August 2018 - via Twitter
Barry Bluejeans - @denimdude
@yaknowfromtv please :)
11:02 AM - 08 August 2018 - via Twitter
Taako Taaco (Official) - @yaknowfromtv
Ughhhhhhhhh fine @denimdude @thebettertwin
11:06 AM - 08 August 2018 - via Twitter
Taako Taaco (Official) - @yaknowfromtv
@denimdude @thebettertwin y’all suck
11:07 AM - 08 August 2018 - via Twitter
Lup Taaco - @thebettertwin
@yaknowfromtv love u too baby bro <3 also love u hot stuff @denimdude <3<3
11:10 AM - 08 August 2018 - via Twitter
Taako Taaco (Official) - @yaknowfromtv
GROSS
11:13 AM - 08 August 2018 - via Twitter
Barry Bluejeans - @denimdude
@thebettertwin <3
11:14 AM - 08 August 2018 - via Twitter
X X X X X
“Hey, Krav, can I borrow a comb?”
Kravitz opened one of his drawers and pulled out a fresh comb, tossing it over to Killian, who beamed at him. “Cheers,” she said.
“Alright, Ms. Wiles,” Kravitz said, making one final snip and brushing it out. “I think you’re all done.”
“Oh, would you look at that,” Ms. Wiles said, reaching up to touch her hair. Kravitz had chopped off several inches, leaving her with a sleek white chin-length bob. “My granddaughter is going to love this. Thank you so much, Kravitz.”
“Of course,” Kravitz said, giving her shoulder a squeeze and smiling at her in the mirror. “Mr. Arnolds isn’t going to be able to take his eyes off of you at your next club meeting.”
Ms. Wiles giggled. Kravitz offered his arm to help her out of her chair and then walked her over to Johann, who rang her up and shoved a bowl of mints at her. “Have a nice day,” he said, sounding as bored as ever.
Kravitz waved as Ms. Wiles wandered off to the door. He glanced over at Johann, who had pulled out his phone again and was already scrolling through some kind of social media.
“I voted for pink,” he mumbled, and Kravitz frowned.
“What?”
“Taako’s hair,” Johann said. He pressed something on his phone and then turned the screen to Kravitz. “It looks fucking incredible, but I voted for pink. Wouldn’t that have looked good?”
Kravitz stared at the picture of Taako, his stomach flipping. It was a mirror selfie, taken so that Taako’s new blue hair was on full display. He must have taken it just after leaving the salon last night, because he was wearing the same red skirt.
“It’s alright,” Kravitz said, because it felt weird to compliment his own work like that.
Johann pulled his phone back, looking scandalized. “Alright? It’s fucking gorgeous! I’d like to see you pull that kind of dye job off.”
Kravitz pursed his lips. The bell over the front door rang, and Kravitz drifted back towards his station, going for the broom and pan. Killian and Carey were both hard at work with their own customers, engaged in deep conversation with their respective clients.
Kravitz was emptying the dust pan in the trash when Johann called across the salon, “Hey, Kravitz!” He turned to see the man holding a small white envelope out, eyebrows raised.
“What is it?” Kravitz asked, walking back over.
“Dunno,” Johann said. “Some big guy just dropped it off and said it was for you. You’re not supposed to get mail delivered here, you know that, right?”
Kravitz took the envelope and turned away. There was nothing written on the front of it, and he was frowning as he wandered back over to his station and carefully opened it.
Inside there were two pieces of paper- one, what looked like a folded letter, and the other, some kind of ticket. Kravitz stared at the ticket for a second before opening up the letter, his chest tightening when he caught sight of familiar spiky handwriting.
‘Hey, stud-
Thanks again for helping me out last night. It was really stupid of you to charge me the standard price when I barged in past closing and made you dye my fucking mountain of a hairdo, so here’s something that should make up for that. I won’t be performing, but it’ll still be fun.
Hope I’ll see you there.
Xoxo, Taako’
Kravitz looked at the ticket again. It was a concert ticket, for tomorrow, for a venue that Kravitz had only ever heard of, one he was pretty sure was so exclusive a regular person couldn’t even buy tickets for it.
Why the hell was he holding something like this?
“Yo, Kravitz,” Johann called out again, “your next client is here!”
Kravitz blinked, then slipped the letter and the ticket carefully back into the envelope and pocketed it.
He would figure out what he was supposed to do later.
X X X X X
Merle Highchurch (Official) - @pansblessing
Anyone catch my cameo in the new Animal Planet documentary?? Watch it and learn about climate change
4:38 PM - 08 August 2018 - via Twitter
Magnus Burnsides (Official) - @mangochutney
Jules and I are watching it rn @pansblessing!!!!! So good! Everyone go watch!!
4:52 PM - 08 August 2018 - via Twitter
Taako Taaco (Official) - @yaknowfromtv
@pansblessing r u the fat tree
4:57 PM - 08 August 2018 - via Twitter
Merle Highchurch (Official) - @pansblessing
@yaknowfromtv no im the hot tree
5:01 PM - 08 August 2018 - via Twitter
Taako Taaco (Official) - @yaknowfromtv
Everything is so gross on twitter today
5:04 PM - 08 August 2018 - via Twitter
Taako Taaco (Official) - @yaknowfromtv
Retweeted:
Gaia (Official) - @gaiaband
Getting pumped for our show tomorrow!! Can’t wait to see everyone there, it’s gonna be LIT
5:16 PM - 08 August 2018 - via Twitter
Merle Highchurch (Official) - @pansblessing
I put the link to the documentary up in my bio click on it and learn abt how we’re fuckin up the world
5:34 PM - 08 August 2018 - via Twitter
Taako Taaco (Official) - @yaknowfromtv
Im hungry
7:15 PM - 08 August 2018 - via Twitter
Taako Taaco (Official) - @yaknowfromtv
Wow y’all think youre fuckin COMEDIANS out here dont u??? No im not gonna order a taco fuck off
7:24 PM - 08 August 2018 - via Twitter