Chapter Text
I feel like there’s something terrible living inside of me, even now.
Serizawa’s thumbnail scritched at the rim of his styrofoam coffee cup. Inside, it was black coffee. It had cooled enough that the smell was no longer appetizing. He’d maybe lost track of drinking it, because he was thinking too much.
He tended to do a lot of thinking when he spent time with Shigeo. Something about the boy brought it out of him. Not in a bad way--if anything, being around Shigeo calmed him down.
He had invited him out for lunch today, to catch up. It was Serizawa’s impression that the same sort of lunch outing with Reigen usually involved a lot of Reigen talking and Shigeo listening, but with Serizawa and Shigeo, they both just allowed the silence and were comfortable with it.
They’d taken some drinks and a little paper boat of takoyaki to a park bench, where it sat between them in the dappled light of the trees overhead. Serizawa was in jeans and a gray sweatshirt, his rather less formal weekend attire, and Shigeo’s t-shirt approach to cram school studying was about the same mood.
Serizawa sipped his cold coffee. Bitter.
“Do you think less of me at all, Serizawa-san?”
The question startled Serizawa. It seemed like something he ought to be asking, never something for Shigeo to say.
“Why?” was all he could get out in response.
Shigeo shrugged a shoulder. “I was just thinking,” he said. So they both did that at times like this. He was using a toothpick to idly roll around the last takoyaki, which both of them were silently saving for the other out of politeness, thus leaving it uneaten indefinitely. “When I lost control of my powers and Reigen-shishou had to help me. I was wondering if you thought any less of me from seeing that.”
The idea hadn’t even crossed Serizawa’s mind. “Do your other friends think less of you?”
“No,” Shigeo said, with a surprisingly easy confidence. He looked up and met Serizawa’s eyes. “But you’re different.”
Oh. Serizawa realized what was going on here, in the silence underlying their conversation.
I’m different because we’re the same, you and me.
He curled his hands more firmly around his coffee and stared down into the watery brown of it.
“I’d hate it if it was me,” he admitted. “That power you have… It’s not so different from mine. And I hate mine. I hate it more than anything.”
Shigeo made a noise of understanding. He didn’t seem hurt at all, he was just listening.
“But for some reason it’s easier when it’s you,” Serizawa continued. “Honestly, you help me like that. When I see you struggle with these things, someone so like me…” His fingers began to fidget, knuckles rubbing against each other around the cup. “Well. It’s much easier not to hate you than it is to not hate myself. I like you a lot.”
Shigeo made another vague noise, and finally stabbed the last takoyaki. It seemed that he was rewarding himself for the bravery of starting this conversation. Good for him.
“Do you think less of me?” Serizawa asked. He didn’t have to elaborate on what scene he was talking about. He’d been quite a mess when they first met.
Shigeo ate the takoyaki first, eyes intent on his sneakers. When things got important like this, he liked to think about what words to use.
“Not at all,” he said finally. “I could never hate you, Serizawa-san.”
“But you still hate yourself,” Serizawa said. It wasn’t a question.
“Sometimes.”
Serizawa smiled a little. “We’re both pretty funny sometimes,” he said.
“Yeah. I think shishou would criticize our logic.”
“It’s good we have him around then.”
“If you say so,” said Shigeo dryly. His complete lack of mercy surprised a laugh out of Serizawa.
It was good to have friends.