Chapter Text
It is twilight, the rain drizzles down on an empty street in the middle of nowhere. A young man in an early war outfit jumps out of his car, and walks towards the car ahead of him.
In front of him a young woman steps out if the car.
"Susie-May, wait up!" The man calls. He is limping and walks towards her with a wooden cane.
The woman turns to face him, she is still wearing her nurse's apron and cap on her head. "Roger?"
" I got discharged before I could tell you how I felt. Susie-May, I love you."
They embrace and begin to sway as romantic music swells in the background.
The credits begin to roll.
Blue, Ronan and Adam sit side by side in the dingy movie theatre.
Adam scoffs as Blue and Ronan sigh dramatically. "Come on! You guys can't really have bought that! THAT? As an ending?"
Ronan levels Adam a withering glance then turns to Blue. " Blue, what did you think?"
"I usually hate hetero bullshit... and I still do. But Richard Gansey is such a good actor!" Blue slyly looked towards Adam to gauge his reaction.
Honestly, Adam was more than used to it these days. Richard Gansey: famous actor, model, ecologist and adventurer had long ago become an obsessive fixture in their lives. He was, unfortunately, used to this.
"What do you think Richard Gansey is doing right now? I bet he's saving a rainforest." Blue said.
Ronan stared wide eyed and adoring at the screen and replied "I bet he's in church.
Adam buried his head in his hands.
xxx
Gansey leaned back on his hands, sitting cross legged on the floor of his apartment. He had been awake for 3 days now, practicing lines and researching his backstory. 15th century clay merchant was a tough one. Coffee cups surround him, balanced on a fortress of books. He needed to sleep and shut off his brain. He had switched to scotch a few hours ago. Gansey reached for the ornate vintage bottle and brought it to his lips, surprised to find it empty. The bottle shop was just around the corner. Gansey shakily stood and walked into the hall. He shrugged into a warm woollen overcoat which contrasted nicely with his ratty striped pyjamas. After that everything was a blur.
Gansey is nudged awake the next morning, looking up at two very grumpy faces.
Noah and Henry stare down a him, both confused and disappointed, familiar looks on them both.
Gansey flailed and spluttered.
"Up all night again? Really Dick3?" Henry admonished.
Gansey sighed, the use of his least favourite nickname signalling he was really in for it.
"The journey was worth it, I suppose." Noah said.
"Can someone please tell me what I did?" Gansey groaned.
Henry held a tabloid up to his face. "GOOD BOY GANSEY GONE OFF THE RAILS" titled with blurred photographs telling the story of Gansey's drunk adventure. Punching a guy at the bottle shop, a gun in the edge of frame perfectly in focus. Gansey vomiting on the sidewalk. Gansey slumped against his front door with blood trickling down his forehead.
"It's not a pretty picture, bud. Neither are you right now by the way." Henry noted as Gansey reached up a felt the blood crusted into his hair.
He sat there, stunned and stupefied.
Henry and Noah lifted him up and got him inside, finding his keys in his shoe. Noah gently wiped off the blood and applied antiseptic. Henry paced and lectured about the damage this will do to his image and public persona.
" You are a family figure! A household name! You CAN'T be photographed drunk and holding up a liquor store!"
"Well, um actually.." Gansey stutters.
Henry looks ready to blow, by Noah shushes him with a touch to the arm.
" Someone else.. was holding up the liquor store... I tried to stop them. I punched them.. but I think I broke my thumb," Gansey held up his hand this thumb bruised purple and jutting out at the wrong angle.
"Shit." Henry breathed.
The story rushed out of Gansey, the photos helped his memory. His head thudded and he forced short shallow through ribs that were bruised. As he raised his hand to stroke his lip, he feels the itch and tight pain of scabbed bruised knuckles. Gansey, right now, was the picture of everything he detested.
"I go to the same store every time. Rahjeet is delightful and shows me pictures of his kids Mim his eldest is going to college next year, the youngest just started primary school." Gansey shifted awkwardly, talking to his feet, but looking up for once both Henry and Noah were listening.
"So you see I couldn't let him get robbed, these guys weren't even wanting to take stock, all they wanted was to destroy things. Bored, high, angry I don't know, probably all three. As soon as they saw me I was a new toy to them. It was fight or flight." Gansey shrugged then groaned in pain.
"Well, no two guesses which one you chose old chap." Henry said flippantly.
"My dad throws money at people not punches. I was hopeless. They punched me in the gut and kicked me too. That... that is when I escaped. I was sick on the pavement. Then I could remember where I put my keys. Almost as good as a night with my mother's political friends, only less shady characters." Gansey smiled weakly.
"You're an idiot." Noah remarked.
Gansey sighed, imagining how much worse his family's reaction would be.
Xxx
Noah and Henry took Gansey to his doctor, the same one that signed an NDA every time Gansey renewed his antidepressant subscription. She is concerned but patches Gansey up, gives him pain killers and another lecture on the longterm health risks of insomnia.
They drove home, Henry quiet, brow furrowed in the back seat.
Noah whispered gently breaking the silence "I think it will work, just tell him."
Gansey looks expectant.
Henry blew out a breathe and tried to order his thoughts so other people will understand, never an easy task. "It's PR right? The truth doesn't matter, only who tells the story first."
Noah nodded .
"You are a violent drunk now."
"Hey!" Gansey cried.
"To them. We can't change the story. Sooo we need a new one altogether."
"A competition!" Noah cries, " we say you want to prove how nice you are to your fans. You take one of them out on a date!"
"Okaay..." Gansey says in the universal language meaning no.
"No no no this is PERFECT!" Noah began to bounce up and down . "We can use this as your coming OUT! You keep saying you want to do it! Say you are pansexual-"
"Explain what that means. No definitely not attracted to kitchenware, madam." Henry interjects.
"Yeah, yeah all that," Noah flaps at Henry. He is on a roll, a rare and invigorating sight. "You have a fee, donate it all to queer youth in need. Problem solved."
"I don't think it is quite that easy Noah." Gansey said, but somehow he knew Noah would get his way.
One week later.
"Oh my gawd, oh my gawd, oh my gawd RONAN! YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS!" Blue charged into the Piggly Wiggly with her uniform askew and her hair barely contained by a multitude of clips.
Adam had worked there since high school and was now Assistant Manager. Blue joined soon after, happy to escape Ninos, Ronan finally relinquished and joined.
"What now?" Ronan asked not even looking up from the shelf he is restocking with canned spaghetti.
Adam sees and makes a beeline to them. As the assistant manager he wears a red gingham tie, instead of the red gingham patterned shirts Blue and Ronan have to wear, which is almost worse.
"Time is an ocean, and a circle." She replies smugly, like she does every time she is late.
"What is it?" Ronan asked again, impatient now.
"Guess who's queer?" Blue looked gleeful.
"If you say the pizza delivery guy one more time," Ronan warned.
"No." Blue held up her phone open on a tabloid site.
Ronan peers at the screen and reads "GANSEY CONQUERED THE WORLD AND NOW HE WANTS TO DATE IT TOO"
"Is this fucken clickbait?" He replied.
"I thought you guys hated him now?" Adam asked genuinely confused.
"Are you kidding?" Blue replied, " He got in a drunken brawl and then announced to the world he is interested in men. I think we just found Lynch's dream guy!"
Blue smirked at Ronan watching his face heat up at the words.
"Well it says here you can enter a competition to date him?" Adam teased.
For a moment Ronan stood frozen at the sounds of all those vowels worn down and softened through Adam's lips. He shook him head to try rid himself of those thoughts. Adam would never love him back.
Blue laughed at him. "Deny it all you want!" She cackled.
A small feral child in a beanie and big stomping boots ran down the aisle and crash landed into him. "KERAH!" Opal cried, throwing her arms around Ronan's waist. Ronan grasped at the tray of tin cans he was restocking stopping them from crashing into the floor.
"What are you doing here, you little hailstorm?" He gripped onto her tightly as she burrowed her head against his stomach.
Opal spread her mouth wide into a toothy grin revealing many, likely stolen, gummy worms. It was either a greeting or an answer, probably both.
Ronan finished his shift with Opal trailing behind him singing along to the stereo. Ronan had long ago accepted these things as a part of his life. So much so that they created a soft little ache in his chest thinking of them.
xxx
After work they all went to the local pub Cabeswater, the one closer to Ninos. Even though they were likely to find Maura and Blue's aunts there, they were unlikely to run into Adams dad. The Fox Way ladies usually turned evenings into a long night of stiff drinks, faux-serious tarot readings and very serious game of darts. It definitely wasn't the worst option.
Blue leant against the bar, drunkenly pointing a finger at Ronan and smiling in a way that meant a plan was brewing.
Ronan frowned. He knew his current plan of 'drinking until he courage to admit his feelings to Parrish only to chicken out at the last moment' was ruined. A standard Friday night. Afterwards Ronan would sober up as he made Adam laugh as much as physically possible. All in all, he considered, a good night.
Ronan is already up to phase two. Adam sat beside him clutching his stomach red-faced and choking on air in reaction to Ronan's asshole comment.
"You know...," Blue peers at them, "I think you should enter!"
"Fuck no!"
"The money goes to a queer youth charity... certainly a better use of your money than paying for jeans with designer holes in them!" Blue argued.
Parrish laughed, a sudden uncontained huff. "YES! OH GAWD YES! I would PAY to see Ronan trying to woo a movie-star!" Parrish stumbled trying to steady himself and his pint at the same time. Lightweight, Ronan thought.
Ronan scowled as deep and dark as he could in face of such adorkableness, "You would? Or you will?"
Adam, seeing the challenge in Ronan's eyes, straightened up to his full height, "I will." He turned back to Blue making grabby hands "Phone."
Blue looks smugly at Ronan before handing it over. Adam thumbs through the phone, looking for the competition website.
Ronan has a really, really bad feeling about this.
xxx
Henry felt his eyes begin to droop, and was confused why he let Noah decide the competition criteria. Video submission, really?
Ten hours later, he had truly seen everything. The ones that cry- softly, loudly, snottily, and scarily aggressive. The one that argue- why they are the bestest most amazing, totally more deserving of anyone else, fan ever. The ones that threat- how they can’t live without touching Richard’s face? They’ll die if they don’t meet him, how they’ll never get over it. The ones that use this competition like a talent quest. Singing sappy love songs, tap dancing, parkouring through skate parks.
Henry had worked hard to cultivate Gansey’s universal appeal, now he wonders if they tried a little too hard.
He stood up and retrieved an energy drink from the bar fridge, sitting down and loading another entry.
The video opened on a shark grey BMW, old but not vintage model, in front of a small town Piggly Wiggly Store carpark.
A guy steps out of the car, hand on the roof. “Hi, I’m Ronan and this is my life.” The camera follows Ronan’s back as he walks into the store.
The light adjusts and the camera swivels so Ronan is next to the young man holding the camera. There is a woman next to them so short she is barely visible while the top of Ronan’s shaved head is cropped off.
“And we’re his best friends,” they say in sing-song unison.
“I’m Blue” the woman says, she looks to the boy holding the camera phone.
“And I’m Adam.”
Shouting comes from offscreen as a small blonde creature hurdled into Ronan’s chest. The camera turns to looks deep into the child’s bright muddy eyes “Kerah!!!”
Ronan huffs, “Is that your name, kid?”
“No. Kerah is YOUR name!”
“Okay, what is your name then?”
“Opal”
At this Ronan hoists Opal up onto his shoulders so he can walk down the aisles.
The scene changes to empty paddock of a farm, blue sky huge and surrounded by large green trees.
Ronan gestures out with his arms. “This is where I grew up with my brothers.”
He points to a space off camera “My dad was murdered over there. I found him, I was sixteen, really fucked me up.” His eyes had gone dark and impenetrable steel. “I never got to come out to my parents, I grew up feeling like how I am is wrong.”
Blue appears in a homemade outfit of shredded t-shirts to hug Ronan fiercely as he lifts her off the ground. Ronan looks up at the camera, eyes shining “Come on, get in here Parrish.”
The next shot is indoors, a comfy but well off living room. Ronan crouched on the floor ruffling the fur of a German Shepard. “I think it is really cool what Richard Gansey has done, coming out. And the queer charity, sounds like something I coulda used back then. So this crappy video is for them and that…”
The woman’s voice shouts from off screen “AND YOU THINK RICHARD IS CUTE AS SHIT!”
Ronan glares up at her.
The final shot is Ronan doing burnouts in a muddy field with a rainbow flag screaming “FUCK IT!! BE QUEER!!” kicking mud up everywhere.
The video ended and Henry smiled. Then he watched it again. Then he showed the others.
He wasn’t ultimately sure why he picked this one. Other than he did not want to watch another video submission ever. Something about the video spoke to him. And Gansey too, no-one else even mentioned the charity or talked about Gansey like he was …normal. Not a thing to be in a zoo.
xxx
They were at the bar, Cabeswater, again after work.
They had made and sent off the video a couple of weeks ago. Ronan still couldn’t believe he agreed to do that. That he did that. A few years ago, he would never be honest like that. Honest in a way not meant for blood force trauma and maximum impact.
He sat on his usual booth in the corner, the place was small, dingy and dimly lit but he loved it.
The owner was an old English codger, who had come for a visit to investigate paranormal phenomenons in Henrietta and then never left. He was loud, awkward and always had a dog simply named Dog with him. But if Ronan was being honest, Roger Malory was not the problem.
The problem was the bartender Tad Carruthers who followed Adam every time they were in there. Ronan wasn’t stupid enough to think he was the only queer person in Henrietta and he certainly wasn’t blind to Adam’s beauty or strength of heart. But Tad Carruthers, really?
Blue thought it was hilarious and made Adam buy them nearly every single round of drinks, just to want Tad flirt harder and more bluntly.
Tonight, Adam had walked up to the bar, Blue snickering behind him, and squared his shoulders to call out, “Tad?”
Carruthers immediately stopped loading the dishwasher to scamper over to Adam’s side. “Yes, Adam?” hair flick, squinty eyes and an arched brow stared back at him.
“Uhhhhhh…” Parrish was deeply uncomfortable in the face of Tad’s advances yet not hostile.
“What is the object of your desire?” Tad smirked at him, sliding his fingers across the wooden bar.
Parrish flinched and stiffened further. “Beer jug.”
Ronan could hear his teeth grinding from where he was snooping in their booth.
Tad sighed, slinging his cloth over his shoulder. “One day, one day you will say I am the object of your desire…until then.” Carruthers pushed the full beer jug across the bar trying to brush against Parrish’s fingers.
Ronan turned away. He couldn’t bear to watch anymore or think about how that douchebag had more courage than he had ever had. He couldn’t imagine Parrish saying yes, and if he said no Ronan didn’t think he could bear loosing someone else.
xxx
Adam brought the drinks back to the booth, where Ronan was doing all he could to take up as much space as possible.
Ronan huffed a rough thank you and poured himself a pint. It was strange that Lynch’s gruff hostility made him feel more comfortable and at home than Tad Carruthers ever could.
Adam joined Blue for a game of darts, their tradition, they played for truth.
Blue beat him viciously, and turned to him, “Hmm… what to ask? What. To. Ask?” her eyes lit with glee. “ Do you know what I like about you Adam?”
“Is that the question?”
“No! I want to know if you’ve told Ronan yet,”.
At this Adam planted his eyes to floor and pulled at the hair that was getting scruffy at the back of his neck.
Blue knocked his arm, “I like that you aren’t bothered being beaten by a woman. I’ve taught you well.”
Adam laughed and tried to turn it into a cough thinking of Blue’s ‘teaching methods’ that involved a lot shouting and pointing.
Blue was not fooled, “Well?”
“I haven’t told him yet. It’s our last summer, I don’t want him to hold a grudge the whole time.”
“It will get worse the longer you wait.”
“Oh yeah, like you’re so great? How long did take you to break up with me? Like a month?”
“Pshaw!” Blue cried .
Adam knew he had to tell Ronan. He wanted to, to prove that he finally did it. He was finally going to college. He was no longer that guy that never left, never got out, never broke free from his trailer park beginnings.
He wanted Ronan to see him as that new person, to see how much more deserving he was of a person like Ronan now. At the same time he knew how Ronan dealt with change.
Adam had this fantasy that he could admit everything to Ronan and they could run away to Georgetown. They would share a tiny apartment together, Adam would study and work in the library or in a local garage. Ronan could work in another Piggly Wiggly, or a bar?
But a bigger part of Adam knew there were lots of problems with his plan. he didn’t think Ronan could bear to leave Opal. And Adam wasn’t sure of Ronan’s feelings. Sometimes, he caught Ronan staring at him with those pale blue eyes, but Ronan was a being built for a love to the point of self destruction. He always cared too much, but that didn’t mean it was love.