Work Text:
They had to leave Jack's body behind.
Sam, clutched his bloody shoulder in his hand as he booked it to the car, glancing at the two behind him, "Come on! We need to get out of here! We don't know what else is out there!"
Cas couldn't move quite so swiftly. He was still at his knees at Jack's side, weeping and clutching the boy's small hand to his forehead. The cemetery was covered in big splotches of dark ash, left from the decimated ghosts that followed Castiel's wail of grief. He cried out with his true voice. Hadn't in ages, and the power behind that screeching wavelength of terror bellowed out of his chest as he laid every twisted soul in their midst to waste. His eyes flashed blue, the earth shook beneath them, and his scream echoed through the land like a destructive wind. Amara would have been proud. Every monster before them ceased to exist.
Including Jack.
From his knees down, he was an ashen pile of what used to be, and gaining fast.
"No, no, no, no..." Cas wept as he held Jack's knuckles to his forehead, watching Jack turn to ash in his arms, "...not my baby, not again."
Dean crouched by his side, shoulders hunched with grief as he wrapped an arm around Cas and patted him. They sat and watched Jack crumble. As his small hand grew smoky and black, Cas fell into Dean's chest and looked away. Dean wrapped his arms around him tighter, at a loss for words. Too much had happened. He was overwhelmed.
Chuck. Killing the Winchester's son because Dean couldn't. Jack, crying out in pain as Castiel tried to save his life. Sam shooting Chuck. Chuck pronouncing their world dead. Chuck snapping his grubby little fingers and ending it all. The raising of the souls. Castiel's pain wiping out every soul before them. Jack, burning in their arms.
He glanced behind them to see Sam's watery eyes watching Jack fade into nothing as he sniffled out sharply, "Guys! We have to leave him. Now."
Dean knew he was right. It was getting colder by the second, wind howling against the dirty headstones and ashen grass. Lord knows what's on the horizon.
Oh... ouch. There's probably a better way to say that.
Grabbing Cas up, Dean pulled the angel into his body and prepared to bear his weight. Cas refused to leave, muttering through his tears that he can save him, he can still save him, let him go let him try he just has to try one more time--
"Cas! He's a pile, buddy, we gotta go." Dean pleaded.
Cas looked into Dean's eyes, mirroring his pain as he pleaded, "He was crying. He was hurting. I was right there. I tried to transfer my grace to him, but he just ... he was just... after all of this how can he be gone. I mean just minutes ago, he was the most powerful thing on Earth, and now he's not even on...."
Dean knelt, pulling a flask out of his pocket. He dumped out the old whisky and dragged the empty container across Jack's ashes, pushing some of his remains into the flask and rising to pull Castiel in by his shoulder. He looked into Cas's eyes and promised, "We're gonna fix this. All of this."
"How?"
Dean replied, "We're calling in reinforcements."
-----
The entire bunker was in panic mode when they arrived, much like it had been after the Great Fall. The map was lit up with garish red stains, one on top of the very cemetery Jack died in. That can't be good.
They called Jodi. Donna. Bobby. Garth. Every hunter they could reach, including some others. It was an all hands on deck situation. And, they needed an army. An army of hunters, psychics, witches, and beyond. Hell, gotta fight supernatural with supernatural. Rowena buckled down with Bobby and Patience in the war room within the hour. They stood together, pouring through the Book of the Damned. She said something might be in there about harnessing psychic energy and weaponizing it. They're going to need all the help they can get.
Sam helped receive the hunters coming through the bunker as they poured in throughout the day, desperate for some direction in a world that remained dark well into the morning. They'd asked each hunter to bring their arsenal, enough clothes for at least a month, and their families, if they could. The bunker was more than big enough to accommodate everyone.
What was most important was getting the world back in working order. And, that needs time, planning, and a safe haven.
They were all dealing with the loss of their son while preparing for war, and each of them had their own unique way of powering through.
Sam threw himself into work. He couldn't even say Jack's name. He wouldn't.
Dean took to the bottle hours ago, sitting blearily in the chair in his room and praying to Cas even though the angel was just a few doors down the hall.
Cas wandered through the bunker from room to room like a ghost. His eyes were vacant and dusty, but he refused to sit or talk to anyone. This was nothing like the last time Jack died. Castiel was there, watching it all unfold, helpless as his child was taken from him. All he could hear was Jack crying while he burned from the inside out.
At some point, he wandered into Dean's room.
Dean glanced up as the door opened, smiling a moment as his eyes landed on Castiel. The sentiment was short lived. Dean lifted the bottle and offered it to Cas. The angel shut the door behind him and headed toward Dean, grabbing the bottle and taking a long swig before passing it back. He sat on the edge of Dean's bed and rasped out, "The bunker's filling up, and I'm running out of walking space."
"And, it's not like you can take a breather outside unless you wanna be jogging buddies with the Craigslist Killer's ghost." Dean scratched his brow and leaned into his chair, grabbing his glass and taking a sip of the fifth he poured, "How's Sam?"
Cas huffed, "Not much better than us. He told me to tell you that Max and Alicia are here. And that they brought their mother's pie recepie. Donna's gonna figure that out in the kitchen with them if you wanted to get out of your room."
Dean chuckled, a sad, short lived thing, "They can handle that. I've got a lil date with myself and this bottle of Irish, so... kinda busy."
Cas leaned over onto his knees, "Do you want me to leave you two alone?"
Dean passed the bottle over to Cas, their fingers brushing as the whisky exchanged hands, "No."
They sat in silence for a long while. He watched as Castiel tipped the bottle into his mouth. He doesn't think a day will ever come where they'll talk. And, Dean means really, really talk.
It's the end of the world. Well and truly. And, Dean's the type to play that card, but when the chips are down and it's the bottom of the ninth, an 11th hour soul hook up isn't really his top priority. Tonight is no exception. But, the finality of it all. Looking Chuck in his cold, careless eyes as he cast their world aside. They have three weeks, a month tops before it's all a barren wasteland and their home becomes another dream walker's Bad Place.
And, here they are. Dean and Castiel. Drinking alone in his bedroom, and he's too much of a coward to grab that nerdy little angel by the classy tan lapels and tell him what's real. But, this is absolutely not the time. Actually, its the worst timing on this literally godforsaken planet. Their kid is dead. They're in mourning. And, the world. Fuck. The world. Ah, fuck the world.
Castiel passed Dean the bottle of whisky back, "What?"
Dean asked back, "What?"
Cas rolled his eyes, "You've been praying to me for hours, but I can't hear any of your words. It's just been a loud jumble of yelling and strange noises, what do you want to tell me?"
Dean raised an eyebrow, pouring a little more whisky in his glass, "Strange noises?"
Cas shrugged, "Like long sighs, hisses, a lot of sadness. Confusion. I can't make heads or tails of it."
"Well, CliffNotes: the world is ending, my mom's dead, our son's corpse is sitting on my desk in a flask, and you're..."
"I'm what?" Cas asked.
Dean breathed, "Here. You're here."
Cas tilted his head and squinted, "And, that's a good thing?"
Dean sighed, leaning back in his chair and taking a sip of his glass, "It's the only thing." Dean let out a soft, wistful chuckle, "Isn't it absolutely fucking bonkers... that after years of begging you to stick around when I'm going through it, the time comes where you actually do, and it's the worst? I feel..."
Cas supplied, "Ambivalent?"
Dean let out a big smile as he laughed, "Sure."
Cas looked over at Dean with those big blue eyes of his, leaning over with his elbows on his knees, looking more human than any human has ever looked. His jawline moved under his skin as he confessed, "I'm sorry, Dean. For all those missed prayers and calls, for making you feel ignored, making you feel like you weren't valued--"
Dean shook his head and set the glass down, "Cas, don't."
Castiel replied, "I have a lot to atone for in life. And, the Empty will make sure I pay for that. Possibly sooner rather than later. And, I should have... I should have spoken up. About so many things, there's so much I kept in, and being met with the brevity of life, the death of my son, the death of this world, Dean. I keep putting things off for time we no longer have. I could lose you tomorrow, and I know I won't survive that."
Dean asked, "What things? What are you talking about?" Dean wasn't expecting Cas to say the worst thing he could have said.
"I made a deal."
Dean's face fell. The world crashed down around him, and for a long moment, all he could hear was the distant clamoring around in the bunker. His face fell into his hands, and he closed his eyes as he whispered out, "You have to be fucking me."
Cas raised his hands in reception to Dean's emotions, standing as he made his way over to the chair, "It was for Jack. When he died the first time. I caught up to him in heaven, but the Empty, that entity that I annoyed to escape death... He was coming for Jack. I couldn't let him go. If I did, our spell would have failed and we would have lost him forever."
Dean sighed, "What did you do?"
Castiel confessed, "I traded myself for him. And, the Empty accepted."
Dean asked, "Then how are you talking to me right now?"
"The Empty said that it wanted me to suffer. For all the things I took from him when he woke. So, he would give me time. Wait for me to forget about this deal, and when I was truly happy, he would come for me and snatch it all away. I thought I bested him. I've never been truly happy, and its unlikely I'll start any time soon." Cas said, resting against Dean's dresser drawers as he added, "But, seeing as the world is what you would call a 'shit sandwich on rye', it's starting to be less about the Empty preying on my happiness, and more... a matter of time."
Dean hissed, "Dammit, Cas."
Cas bowed his head, "Dean--"
Dean stood sharply and pushed Cas by the shoulder, "You can't do this to me! After all of this you can't do this to me! You're saying you sold your life for our kid, and he just ended up dead any way, and now your neck is on the chopping block! The planet is roasting! And, I can't lose you, Cas! I won't lose you! I did it too many times, and I'm not fucking doing it again, Cas!"
Castiel nodded, contrition blossoming his face, "I just keep failing you."
Dean looked Cas hard in the eyes, "No, that's not it. You just... have no idea. Do you? What you mean. So, you're just going to keep throwing it away. Over and over again, what be-because you need to pay for your sins, Cas, we all fucked up. Okay? And, we'll all die. But, you aren't ever a bargaining chip. You matter. I need you to say that. Now, Cas. Say it."
Castiel squinted in confusion, "I'm. Not. A... bargaining chip? I matter."
"You're family." Dean pushed him again, watching his coat sway as he moved closer.
Cas repeated, "I'm family."
Dean smirked and pushed him playfully one more time, "You're amazing, you're the shit."
Cas repeated, "I'm amazing, I'm the shit."
"Jeez, it's funny when you cuss."
Cas repeated, "Jeez, it's funny when--"
Dean took Cas by the shoulders, "Stop."
"Okay." Cas looked Dean gently in the eyes, "Are you upset with me? With what I did?"
Dean took one look at Cas's sorry little face and looked away, "Shit, are you upset with me? I held that equalizer to Jack's face, I'm half waiting for you to lay into me for that."
Cas looked back blearily, "I'm too tired."
Dean patted Cas's cheek, "Well, when you're ready to read me the riot act, I'll be here. And, we'll talk again."
Cas let out a rare smile, lips raising just a bit at the corner, "Again. So, it's this easy. Talking. Just saying it."
Dean grinned, "Say whatever to me, man, I won't judge. I mean, I've said some shit to knock you back on your heels. I tried to kill our kid in front of you and your soul is promised to some dark entity in a dead angel universe. How much crazier can it get?"
Cas looked back into Dean's eyes softly, patting his cheek back. He walked into Dean's space like he was approaching a feral cat. He got closer and closer. And, Dean stayed still. No way. Absolutely no way this is happening. Their shoes tapped together, and Castiel pulled Dean in by the flannel, bringing their lips to a gentle touch. He kissed him once, tenderly. Twice. A third. By that one, Dean had melted. His hands buried in that stupid fucking coat as he kissed him back. His lips were warm, his stubble was scratchy. Cas murmured quietly, "Dean... I love... I've loved you..." Dean's arms wound around Cas's shoulders as the angel pulled him in closer by his waist. They kissed again and again, Dean's heart clamoring in his chest. The only thing playing in Dean's mind was in inner monologue of Castiel's name on repeat. He never wanted to let him go. This moment was perfect.
"Hey, Dean!" There was a sharp knocking at the door. Sam. Ugh, that kid was such a block. Always has been. Just like that, this moment was no longer perfect. But, it never would be. Would it?
Cas turned to look at the door.
Dean pulled his face back to his, kissing him harder, "Uh uh. Get back here."
Cas murmured merrily into the kiss, "Alright."
Dean's hand traveled up to Castiel's cute messy hair, fingers playing in the curls at the base of his neck as he kissed Cas back. Wow, he's kissing Cas back. Cas kissed him first. And, he's like... really good at it. Maybe Dean should slip him some tongue. Nah. That's too much. Right? Oop. Apparently not. Wow, Cas. Okay. Alright. Dean grabbed Cas's face and really started to give it to him.
Sam banged on the door again, "Dean, come on! Open up!"
Cas's eyes went to the door and he stated, "We should talk to him, it seems urgent."
"But, I want to keep makin' out with ya." Dean complained.
Cas replied, "So, do I, but we need to keep our priorities straight."
"Ughhhhhhh, of course you're being level headed and sexy right now." Dean rolled his eyes, and let out a long groan toward the door, "What, Sam! I'm in the middle of something here!"
Sam called back through the door, "Rowena and Bobby might have found something that could help. Come take a look."
Dean whined, "In a minute."
Sam replied, "Dean, ASAP. It's Billie. We're almost done summoning her."
Dean groaned loudly, "It's always Billie and it's always ASAP. Give me like thirty friggen seconds, alright? Can we spare that?"
Sam banged on the door one more time before he heard footsteps walking away. Dean looked Cas in the eyes, arms still around his neck, "Raincheck? On this?"
Castiel nodded, a small smile playing in his eyes, "Of course."
Dean smirked, "So... you really wanted to kiss me, huh? Took Chuck himself ending it all for you to plant one on the Righteous Man."
Castiel replied, "I bled, betrayed, fell, killed, and died for you several times and this is what you're focusing on?"
Dean grinned.
Cas sighed, "Yes. I really wanted to kiss you."
Dean chuckled, feeling Cas's arms wind tighter around his waist as he rubbed their noses together, "If twenty hunters and my brother weren't summoning Death in my living room, I'd let you do it again right now."
Cas leaned in and kissed Dean's lips once more.
Dean laughed, "Rebel."