Chapter Text
DAY 2
It was a warm, sunny day. Aziraphale thought it might be the nicest day yet, weather wise, though there hadn’t been quite enough yet for a good sampling. He was rather amazed at how the rain had cleaned up the sky quite beautifully.
He wasn’t sure that the demon, Crawley, agreed. It was quite natural for a demon to be unable to enjoy the simple pleasures of life. After all, only a heart that was truly Open to the larger Concepts of Love and Goodness could find room for the smaller as well.
Aziraphale had been partway through explaining this when Crawley suddenly turned back into a snake and slithered off, grumbling to himself, which the angel though rather proved his point. But that left him without anyone to talk to, so he turned to the most important task for the day: closing the rather large crack in the wall of Paradise on Earth before his superiors asked too many questions.
Just as he was sliding the final stone into place, a pure light, warmer and brighter than the sun, lit the entire East Side of Eden…
--
Crawley frowned, or at least he tried to. One disadvantage of being a snake was the limited range of facial expressions. Also, opposable thumbs, legs, really most things. But if you wanted a good frown, you really needed a human face.
As he slowly returned to his humanoid shape, Crawley considered how few choices he’d really made in his life. Angels, and even demons, weren’t very big on the whole “free will” concept. You followed God’s orders, or you rebelled by following Satan’s.
Well, he had a choice now, in a way. What to do with it?
His first thought was to go talk to the strange, pretentious angel on the East Gate. That was bizarre – Crawley didn’t generally go around wanting to talk to anyone. Demons didn’t do socialization , especially not with…
At first, he’d thought Aziraphale wasn’t that bad; any angel who would just hand over his sword like that, well, he had to have a mind of his own, right?
But it turned out, that mind mostly seemed to be occupied by some tedious philosophy on the Nature of Good and Evil and the Righteousness of God’s Ineffable Plan. He’d only known the angel half a day, and already Crawley had been subjected to three lengthy lectures and the beginnings of a fourth, at which point he’d decided to see what was on the West Side of Eden (primarily: more sand).
Crawley’s own philosophy was much simpler: Life was generally better when there weren’t so many rules to muck things up.
Finally able to scowl properly, he continued his circuit of the land outside Eden. Maybe the North Side would show a little variety?
He managed to pass the North Side (additional sand) and was working his way towards Northeast (sand complemented by some lovely rocks), when the sky burst into an intense, burning holy light that nearly knocked him to the ground.
--
Yes, human legs were much better for tearing across desert sand. Well, faster, at least – Crawley suspected the heat wouldn’t be as unpleasant to a snake. But changing back again would take time.
Suddenly, beyond the curve of the wall, he spotted the white robe – and hair, and face – of the angel, wandering along as if lost in thought. Crawley stopped abruptly, grabbing the jutting stones of the wall to keep from falling over. Snake body was certainly more maneuverable.
“Angel!” he snapped, mostly from exertion. “I thought you’d be gone.”
“Gone?” Aziraphale glanced up as if he hadn’t noticed Crawley’s approach. His eyes seemed a bit dazed. Perhaps he’d dropped one of those big rocks on his own head? “Why would I be gone?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Crawley said, waving his arm at the sky. “Big glowy happy light from above? Doesn’t that just scream ‘Angelic Superiors Come to Give New Orders’?”
“I suppose.” Aziraphale began walking again, and this time there was a distinct unsteadiness. “That wasn’t…exactly my superiors. It was the Almighty.”
Crawley had to scramble a bit in the loose sand to keep up, but he was getting the hang of this. “The Almighty? God actually came to talk to you, personally?”
Aziraphale managed a high-pitched noise that may have been “Mm-hmmm.”
“And? Was it new orders?”
“Mm.” This time the tone was indistinguishable, but Crawley caught a tiny head shake.
“So what – you’re not in trouble because of me, are you? What I did in the Garden?” As a demon, he was never bothered by the results of his Temptations, so the unpleasant twist in his stomach was probably vertigo from being bipedal so long. “I mean, there was no guard on the underside of that Garden. That’s practically an invitation to a demon. I could, uh, write a note? Explaining?” He was pretty sure Heaven was still big on notes and reports.
“No, that…that didn’t come up.” Aziraphale was certainly looking paler than usual, an impressive feat as his primary colors were white and cream. “She asked…asked about my sword…”
Crawley winced. “That didn’t take long. What’d you say?”
“I said…” Aziraphale took one more shuffling step, then seemed to forget the next. His eyes stared straight ahead in a sort of panicked wonder. “I said…I put it down…around here…somewhere.”
For the second time since meeting the angel, Crawley found himself speechless, his words wiped away by a flood of complex emotions that he couldn’t begin to name. “You… lied ?” He finally managed.
“N-no! I didn’t!”
“You lied to God ?”
“It – it wasn’t – I’m sure the humans are still around here. Possibly.”
“God asked you – an angel – a direct question, and you lied?”
“No it – I was just delaying until – I’m going to – stop laughing!”
Crawley couldn’t hold it in any longer. He howled with laughter, staggering back to lean against the Garden wall. He’d never, ever laughed like that, not in as long as he could remember. His sides were actually aching; he could feel tears gathering in his eyes. Between it all, he managed to gasp, “I don’t think you...Understand...I’m a demon and...And I’ve never...I don’t think I could ...Actually lie to actually God . And you –”
Abruptly, Aziraphale’s knees buckled and he collapsed so quickly Crawley had to grab his arm to help lower him safely. Settling into the sand next to Aziraphale, he realized the angel’s face was now a picture of wretched misery. “Alright. I’m not laughing anymore, see?”
“I can’t do this. I feel awful. I’m going to have to tell – someone – the truth. It’s the only way.”
“Won’t that just get you into more trouble?” It turned out the angel’s face could get even more wretched. “Alright, what do I know? I’m just a demon.”
“That’s right.” Aziraphale managed something like wounded indignation that would never fool anyone except possibly himself. “Demons don’t know anything about the truth. You’ve probably never told the truth a day in your life.”
That was patently absurd, but Crawley let it go. “So, what, you’re going to call up one of your Archangels and confess? Only give me some warning, I don’t want to be around for that.”
“Oh, I don’t – don’t think there’s any call for that.” The angel’s eyes somehow grew even wider. “No – no, I can just…I’ll wait for them to contact me. For a report, or…or something.” For a moment, it seemed he was going to fall over again, even though he was already on the ground. “Yes, when they ask…I’ll say something…But in the meantime…if they don’t ask…that’s not lying , is it?”
“These are your rules, angel, not mine.” Crawley found he couldn’t stop staring at Aziraphale’s face. It was as if every thought he had was written all over it. He wouldn’t survive five minutes in Hell. “Are you…more afraid of your superiors than of the Almighty?”
“Of course not!” The angel closed his eyes, clearly trying to gather himself. “It’s a question of…accountability… Anyway, technically, my orders are to guard the Eastern Gate. So long as I do that to the best of my ability, the sword itself is… superfluous.” Aziraphale nodded firmly and opened his eyes. “What? What are you staring at?”
“Nothing.” He actually seemed to believe his own argument. It was mind-boggling. “But I did just walk around this entire Garden. You’re the only angel still stationed here.”
“Oh.” Aziraphale stared off across the sand. “I’m sure there’s supposed to be an angel on each Gate. There was this whole speech about proper defense formations before we arrived.”
“Ah, this proper defense formation,” Crawley thought back to what he’d seen on his way out of Hell, “it wouldn’t be four angels, spaced as far apart as possible, all facing away from the Garden, would it?”
“Something like that,” Aziraphale admitted reluctantly, clearly trying to figure out how Crawley planned to use this information. “Why?”
“Nnnn, nothing.” Crawley wondered who oversaw strategy in Heaven these days, and how big a demotion that angel was looking at right now. “It’s a fascinating bit of tactics. Very Ineffable.” He cleared his throat hard to keep from laughing. “But, obviously, the others have received their new orders already. Are you sure you don’t want to, I don’t know, make a call? Check in or something?”
“Certainly not,” Aziraphale gave him a cold look without much conviction behind it. “Eden needs someone to guard it. If there’s no one else here, clearly it’s up to me. I suppose you’re looking for another opportunity to slither back in.”
“I assure you, I am not,” Crawley said, raising his hands. He couldn’t think of a single thing he’d want from the Garden at this point, except perhaps a bit of shade. The morning had been hot enough, but with the sun now almost a third of the way up the sky, it was getting distinctly uncomfortable.
Aziraphale climbed to his feet and dusted himself off. “Well, it won’t work. It would appear that I’m now the Guardian of All the Gates. A sort of promotion. Probably a reward, for guarding the East Gate so well. And I shall continue my duties to the utmost of my abilities.” It appeared that he was back to his condescending self. “And now, I think…I think I’d like to go for a walk. See what else there is to see.”
Crawley scrambled up to follow. “It’s just sand, really. And to the northeast you can see sort of mountains in the distance.”
“Mountains?” Aziraphale’s eyes practically glowed.
“Well, yes – did you seriously never look in a different direction the whole time you were on that wall?”
“My orders were to watch East, so I looked East. And occasionally into the Garden itself,” he added, with an air of confessing a great indulgence. “But, if I’m the only one left, then logically, I should look in all directions, right? That’s not disobeying, that’s…extending my duty.”
After a second, Crawley realized the angel was waiting for some sort of confirmation. “Oh. Ah. Yes. Patrol in all directions. Look for suspicious characters and so on.”
Aziraphale smiled, briefly, face warm and eyes shining. Then he switched to something that was probably supposed to be a stern frown, but instead looked more like a pout, apparently deciding if Crawley counted as a suspicious character. “Let’s go look at these mountains. From a distance. While patrolling.”
It was going to be impossible to keep from laughing at the angel if he kept this attitude up, but Crawley found he was enjoying himself enough to try. Enough to walk beside Aziraphale as they headed North along the base of the wall.
--
Aziraphale wasn’t sure what he thought of Crawley. The demon was obviously a troublemaker – yesterday was certainly proof of that – and he had an unnerving habit of staring intensely at Aziraphale’s face with those unnatural slit-pupil eyes.
That was frightening enough. He’d heard rumors of what demons got up to in Hell. Well, rumors of rumors. Mostly vague suggestions. Whatever it was they did, it was Unpleasant and didn’t bear Thinking About. Still, Crawley didn’t seem threatening, just intense.
But there was something of Hell about him, in his dark robes and darker expressions. Even his smiles made Aziraphale uneasy. And there was the faint, but unmistakable, scent of brimstone in the air.
“Those are the mountains, then,” Aziraphale pointed at the hazy shapes on the horizon. Walking along the base of the wall had proven much more difficult than along the top, and he wished he had his wings for shade against the sun. Still, better to keep the demon down here. “I thought they’d be bigger. And less…indistinct.”
“They’re far away, Angel.” There was really no call for Crawley to sound so annoyed all the time. “Please tell me you understand that.”
“Of course I do,” Aziraphale said with as much dignity as he could muster. He’d already decided that half-truths didn’t count as lies, especially when told to a demon. Particularly a demon who wouldn’t stop smirking like a smug snake. “I just hoped they’d be closer. Obviously.”
“Eh, it’d probably take a day to walk there. Two at the most. Not bad, all things considered.” Crawley finally turned that intense gaze away, toward the mountains, giving Aziraphale a chance to study him secretly. Without his wings, there was nothing to indicate what Crawley truly was, apart from the eyes. He could have been just another angel.
Except he wasn’t an angel. He was Fallen.
Aziraphale turned his own eyes firmly to the mountains. “Well, a day or two is far enough. I’ll just have to enjoy them. From a distance.”
He felt that golden gaze on his face again, and struggled to keep his expression blank. “How long are you planning to wait here?”
“I’ve told you already.” He couldn’t just contact his superiors. Gabriel hated needing to clarify orders. A good angel knew what to do, and just did it. “I’ll be here for as long as the Garden needs to be guarded.” Very likely it wasn’t a reward. No, it was some sort of test. The Archangels had been big on testing since the Rebellion. But this, at least, was a Test he would pass easily.
There was only one other possible explanation. But no, that would mean Heaven had somehow already learned what happened to the sword. He was sure that was still a secret.
“So you’re going to stay here and walk in circles forever ?”
“If that’s what it takes.” Aziraphale tried a nonchalant laugh. That would need practice. “Wha-what else would I do?”
“There’s a whole world out there. Full of plants and animals and,” he waved his arm at the mountains, “big pointy rocks. Don’t you want to see it?” His voice wasn’t annoyed now, but low, almost hypnotic.
Aziraphale’s eyes turned toward Crawley, meeting that powerful gaze. Crawley’s eyes were more yellow than gold, the irises smaller than he remembered. More natural. He swayed ever so slightly as he stood there, back and forth. It reminded Aziraphale of something.
“Isn’t there anything that you’re curious about?”
For a moment, Aziraphale wondered. The Garden held a sampling of the life on Earth, but there was so much it didn’t contain. One of the other angels had mentioned the oceans, filled with creatures longer than the trees were tall. He’d like to see that, someday.
The demon still watched him with unblinking eyes, and now a faint smile as well.
The swaying. It reminded him of a serpent, about to strike.
“Absolutely not!” Aziraphale frowned sternly, which for some reason made Crawley grin even more widely. “You – you’re trying to Tempt me! Into Dereliction of Duty, no less!” He was shocked he had let his guard down so easily, had come so close to succumbing to the Wiles of the Evil One.
“Mmm, maybe? It barely counts,” Crawley shrugged, still smiling as if his Deception hadn’t been uncovered. “You’re supposed to protect the Garden from threats. I’m the only one here. So long as you keep an eye on me, you don’t need to be anywhere near the wall.”
Aziraphale considered that. “Are you suggesting…we go explore the world together ?”
“Eh, fair point, I didn’t really think that one through.”
“I’m sorry, but you are trying to Tempt me, aren’t you?”
Crawley scratched his head, tossing the deep red curls, and stared off into the sky. “Just making conversation, really. I suppose temptation is sort of my default.”
Aziraphale realized he’d taken a few steps back, putting some space between himself and the demon. He stood as tall as he could. “It won’t work on me!” He wished he sounded more convincing.
“Of course it won’t.” Crawley folded his arms and leaned a shoulder against the wall, foul smirk back on his face. “I don’t know what you want. That’s the second rule of Temptation, by the way, always know what your target really wants. ”
“But isn’t Temptation about you getting me to do what you want?” Aziraphale knew he shouldn’t ask, but sometimes he found he couldn’t help himself.
“It is, but that’s what everyone gets wrong. Let’s say I want you to…eat one of those forbidden apples. Just as an example. I can stand here all day telling you how it would expand your mind, give you knowledge equal to God, and you’ll keep saying no, because none of that is what you want.”
“No…” He wasn’t sure where this was going. Was the demon digging for information? Aziraphale tried to keep his face blank, just in case.
“But, if I do know what you want, I can turn it around. Make what you want and what I want sound like the same thing. So I might try to convince you that eating that apple is the best way for you to follow orders.” Aziraphale was sure his expression didn’t change, but Crawley’s smirk grew anyway. “Or maybe not. Most keep what they really want very well hidden, so you have to dig for it.” His gaze shifted slightly, staring off into the sky again. “Some don’t even know what they really want.”
“Should you be telling me all this?”
Crawley blinked and straightened up, another broad smile plastered on his face. “Angel, I’m so good at what I do, I could tell you every secret I have, and you’d still fall for it every time.” He chuckled. “But there’s nothing I want today, so you’re safe. Unless you want to try an apple.” He raised his eyebrows.
“You can’t be…that is Forbidden!”
“Forbidden for the humans.” Crawley shrugged. “You’re not at all curious?”
“No. No, Crawley, that’s not something you should even joke about!”
“Fine.” Crawley held up his hands. “If you’re going to get all sensitive about it. No forbidden fruits. I just thought it might be nice to get out of the sun for a few minutes.”
“Out of the question. The Garden is certainly off-limits to the likes of you .”
Crawley didn’t so much roll his eyes as his entire head. “What do you think I’m going to do? Tempt the squirrels? Trick them into eating some forbidden nuts?”
Aziraphale considered again what he’d heard about demons. “You might be targeting me. Looking to…corrupt the soul of an angel or something.”
The demon’s brow furrowed. “Ah, no. Hell has more corrupt angels than we know what to do with, I really don’t think we need another.”
“Well. Good.” Aziraphale tried sounding certain and authoritative again. “You would have no luck regardless. The Forces of Darkness are twisted, wicked things. Your Perverse Tricks will never work against one who is Pure and Dedicated to the Light.” It wasn’t his best, but he’d had a strange morning.
“Perverse Tricks?” Crawley leaned against the wall again, half-smile back in place, piercing gaze once more looking right through Aziraphale. “Don’t hold back, tell me how you really feel.”
“Tsk.” Some sort of sarcastic joker on top of everything else. “Are all demons like you?”
The eyes narrowed slightly. “I take it you didn’t know anyone who Fell.”
“Naturally.” Aziraphale smoothed his robes. “I never associated with such people.”
Crawley scowled across the desert. “We should all be so lucky,” he muttered, which Aziraphale thought must be more sarcasm of some kind.
“What…” There was one question that had been bothering him. He’d already asked too many, but Crawley seemed to be in an answering mood. “What was your crime? The one you Fell for?” All the demons had Rebelled, of course, but each one had a crime, an inciting incident that marked them for punishment.
Crawley’s face grew hard. “Now I know you didn’t know any of us. You never, ever ask a demon that.”
“Why not?” He tried to imitate Gabriel’s authoritative tone when he asked for a report. “As an angel, I need to know the kind of person I’m associating wi –”
He never saw Crawley move – suddenly the demon was right in front of him, one hand clutching the front of Aziraphale’s robes. His heart raced, every muscle froze in place. The smell of brimstone surrounded him.
“Why not?” The demon whispered dangerously. “Because the answer to that question would break your tiny mind.”
Aziraphale tried to say something, anything to calm him down or frighten him off, but all he could manage was a high-pitched noise.
Suddenly, he was released. “Relax, Angel. I’m not going to hurt you.” Crawley stalked off, then turned back, spreading his arms wide. “You know what? This is my fault. ‘Oh, he doesn’t seem so bad, let’s try talking, since we’re both stuck here.’ But I’m not the one who’s stuck. Have a nice eternity, Angel.” And he walked straight into the desert.
“W-wait! Where are you going?” Aziraphale had a sinking feeling he’d made a mistake, as usual.
“Finding out what’s over here.”
“Fine!” Aziraphale clenched his fists. “Good riddance! I don’t want to see you lurking around my wall again!”
Crawley just waved without looking back and disappeared behind a sand dune. A moment later, a serpent shape emerged, writhing across the sand.
“That could have gone better,” sighed Aziraphale, heading back to the East Gate.