Chapter Text
“Do you know why I’ve called you here today?”
The three individuals stared at the floor, themselves, and the NYPD Commissioner. No one answered his question. They didn’t know how.
“Someone has crossed me. They broke into my home and hurt my family,” the very act of saying those words hurt him, “I want you to find who did it, and bring them to justice,” he graced each of them with a look in the eye, “Can you do it?”
All three stood up.
The gem answered first, “Yes, Commissioner.”
“You can rely on us!” the frog assured him.
“We will bring the perpetrator to justice,” the robot declared.
Three days earlier
It was another day in the life of the Reagan family. They were going to have their Sunday lunches where they would all bicker with each other about some case that Danny was screwing up and Jamie would enjoy being picked last. Frank was looking forward to this routine and they had all picked out deliciously mediocre food that white people pretended to enjoy for this Sunday meal. His father Henry already had an epic dunk for all three of his grandchildren. But then it happened.
When Danny, Erin, and Jamie bit into their brisket and mashed potatoes, they became down with the sickness. Danny vomited out a mini cannon that had been loose in his stomach and also vomited where he fainted on the floor. Erin sneezed out dozens of blank pages where the writers had intended to give her screen time and then also fainted. And finally Jamie. A guy walked in and hit him on the head with a baseball bat before disappearing into the ether. He got the sniffles and fainted from both occurrences.
This sent Frank on a warpath. Someone had intentionally messed with his family. He had several doctors look over his children and they noted there was nothing that could be done. They needed a cure, or just wait for their sickness to pass. But Frank could not wait, he needed justice to be served. Whether it was within the realms of the law or not.
So Frank gathered three officers that weren’t doing anything to his office to give them a real personal job. One that had to be done at any cost. Going after the commissioner’s family was a big deal. Especially when Frank was the main character.
But none of the people that Frank hired were cops. In fact they were just people that his secretary had grabbed off the street because every other detective was busy doing their actual jobs and weren’t interested in his revenge scheme.
Abigail first grabbed Garnet as she was doing some stuff with Steven. Garnet just shrugged and went with her, reasoning with Steven that she just lets these things happen cuz they interest her. Then Abigail stopped at Kermit the Frog’s house. Kermit owed a great debt to Frank after he cleared his gambling bill with the New York Yakuza, and Kermit promised that he would answer any call that Frank would make.
And then Abigail found E-123 Omega wandering around. Omega had been abandoned by Shadow and Rouge who had gone to make out in a taco truck. Omega was in the friend zone once more, but to alleviate robot boredom, he agreed to do this bullshit police work.
Omega, Kermit, and Garnet met each other in Frank’s office when he summoned them. He instructed that they needed to find the perp, or something would happen. Frank didn’t know what, but assured him that when he and the writer found out what it was, it would happen.
Kermit asked, “Uh, so,” he wasn't sure if he wanted to know what Frank had planned, so he switched his question about the case, “What will our resources be?”
“If you’re asking about firepower,” Frank assumed whilst pulling out three glocks from his desk, “This is what I provide.”
“The Doctor made every part of me a gun. I have no need for such primitive tools,”
With one glare from Frank, Omega took the gun anyway. Kermit was used to holding a gun after it being one of his quirks, but Garnet fumbled with the device for a little bit before handing it to Kermit.
“Uh, thanks. But, what else will we have to help us in the case?” Kermit asked again.
“Oh yes. You’ll need a ride,”
A cut to the next scene had them in the police station parking lot or wherever the parking lot was at Frank’s building. I’m not too sure. I watch the show enough to meme on the characters but not enough to know the intricacies of their buildings. Anyway at the parking lot was Bertie the Bus.
“This is Bertie! He’s the best damn bus around!” Frank declared, then slapping his roof, “This bus can help you solve so many cases, but you only need to solve one! Find out who poisoned my family!”
“We’ll do it, Chief,” Garnet said.
“That’s commissioner,” Frank insisted.
“I know what I said,”
Frank fumed but he jumped back into his office where he did his real job.
The frog looked at the bus, gem, and robot, “Alright, gang. So, should we. Interview someone?”
“I believe the tall woman has future vision. She is likely to possess knowledge on who it is we need to speak with,” Omega droned, excelling on his Steven Universe trivia.
Garnet nodded and tried to concentrate on who might have witnessed the person who poisoned Danny, Erin, and Jamie, “We need to find Larry.”
After a commercial break Garnet, Kermit, and Omega were standing beside Larry the Lobster, “Where were you last Sunday during noonish?” Kermit asked as Omega pulled out a notebook to doodle Larry’s ramblings while Garnet stood back and looked tough.
“The same thing I always do. I was landscaping their garden while they were makin’ lunch,” the lobster explained, “The things those crazy people say.”
“What sorta landscaping do you do?” Kermit asked.
Larry shrugged, “Oh anything really. If you got the cash and I got the tools, I’ll do whatever you want! I was already building an ivory tower for Danny.
“Did subject Danny request this ivory tower?” Omega questioned.
“No actually. It was his granddad who asked me. Said it was to prank him,”
In a basketball court on the other side of the city, Henry Reagan dunked a ball into a hoop.
“Did you notice anything weird? Like someone coming into the house that didn’t belong?”
Garnet adjusted her sunshades as Larry thought of this question, “Now that you say it, I did see this robot that was hanging around, but he was gone before I could get a good look at him.”
Now that chapter one is over, Kermit, Garnet, and Omega continue their investigation into this stupid ass fic’s plot. Tune in next time where the author will conclude this week’s episode with an answer that will hopefully make you lul!