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Crowley's phone rang, which was unusual, because he'd mentally willed all calls he didn't deem a priority to voicemail or to other numbers, and he was with Aziraphale, so he really shouldn't be getting any calls. But here he was, phone ringing in a chipper tune he definitely hadn't programmed in. He dug out his phone to find a contact he hadn't added was calling him, complete with a picture. Aziraphale pursed his lips and paused the movie they'd been watching. "Do you...want to answer that?"
"Not really," Crowley murmured, but slid the bar to answer the call anyway, holding the phone up to his ear. "Hello, Adam."
Aziraphale's eyes went wide, mouthing back "Adam?" While holding up his fingers to imitate horns. Crowley nodded grimly. It had been five years since the apocalypse, and neither had heard from the antichrist since, aside from the occasional strange gifts they would sometimes find. They took this as a good sign, that things would continue to exist as they should, and that a war would not yet be waged on humanity.
"Hello, Crowley," Adam's voice rang as clear as if he was in the room, none of the tin or static of a regular call. It was unnerving. It was also much deeper than when he was eleven, and currently, it was heavily laced with worry. "I think I have a problem."
"Listen, if you did something bad, we'll fix it good as new," Crowley tried for casual, hoping that he'd only done something mildly illegal.
"I don't think this can be fixed," Adam replied solemnly.
"Did you…" Crowley looked to Aziraphale and made a face that read please help me , to which Aziraphale looked equally lost. The demon turned back to his phone, and stage whispered into it. "Did you kill somebody? Because if so we will have to have a long talk, but--"
"What? No, I haven't killed anyone. Pepper even has me trying her weird vegan food lately," Adam didn't sound nearly as put out as the phrasing of that sentence would imply, and Crowley breathed a sigh of relief. "It's actually kind of about Pepper."
"Girl trouble, huh?" Crowley was equally as uncomfortable discussing this with the antichrist, but tried not to let on.
"Ew. Also no. I think," Adam took a deep breath, willing himself to take the next step. "I think that she isn't real. I think I made her up. I think I made up all of the Them and they only exist because I want them to."
Crowley made a face. This was Adam's big worry? "Well, I can't know for sure, but I wouldn't be surprised."
"What if all this time, I've just been making people incapable of disagreeing with me?" Adam sounded genuinely distraught over this, and Dog whined from next to him. "What if no one in my life is real?"
Crowley thought about this for a moment, recalling what he'd known about Adam and the Them from when they were eleven. "Adam, do you remember when you almost destroyed the world? How you couldn't bend your friends wills?"
Adam sniffed on the other side of the line, but replied quietly. "...yes?"
"Well, don't you think that if you were making people incapable of disagreeing with you, that they would have supported your sudden decision to end all life on earth?"
"I…" It sounded as if he genuinely hadn't thought of that. "I guess they would."
"So now, even if you did make them up, you just made up the perfect friends for a boy like yourself," Crowley assured. "You can't make them like you any other way than just being a good friend to them. The human will is remarkable, really. They're very stubborn."
"I...I suppose you're right," Adam said finally. He sounded relieved, and Crowley was glad to have been able to help. "Thanks, Crowley. Say hi to Aziraphale for me."
Before he could say anything back, the line disconnected. Crowley sat there, a little amazed at what had just happened, and checked his phone to find that yes, Adam had magically acquired his number and then programmed himself into his phone. Dumbly, he muttered "Adam says 'hi'."